GodMod on the phone: Yes, hello. What? What do you mean ten tons of domesticated fluff? Healing? What are you talking about? I ordered angst. Yes, ten tons of angst with an add-on of pain and suffering so I'd reached free delivery minimum. No! I don't want the fluff! What am I supposed to do with domesticated fluff?!

Anyways, the song used in this chapter (which was also almost the title of this story but since Amino doesn't allow a language other than English, I couldn't use it as a title) is Tuloy Pa Rin (It will keep on going). It's an old Filipino song released in 1990 (older than me by 8 years but still super popular). It's all about moving on from a break-up and although the main theme of Saeran's part isn't about break ups, I managed to incorporate the first part of the song and made it into a full chapter.

Originally, I planned the song to be the ending part of last chapter as a time skip transition which would feature a few scenarios every cut of the lyrics but I figured the lyrics weren't very suitable as an ending for last chapter (which ended harsh enough) so here it is as a standalone.

I didn't expect this part to be like this, honestly. I expected that it would be like two, three paragraphs, five at max, per lyrics cut but it became its own self and I'm really happy with the result of it. Okay this AN has gotten WAY too long.

•••

Four years later, he had totally eaten what he said at that moment.

Sa wari ko'y, lumipas na ang kadiliman ng araw (In my understanding, the darkness of the sun is already in passing)

Saeran woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. He went through his regular morning rituals then made his way down to the kitchen, setting the plates as he waited for the food to be cooked.

"You're up early," MC pointed out as soon as she saw Saeran parading around in what he slept in

And she could say that last night was a pretty hot night.

"Couldn't sleep. It was too hot," Saeran responded

"I can see," she responded, hiding a chuckle, "You might wanna go upstairs and put on some clothes besides boxers. Not that I don't mind but what if we had a visitor?"

Saeran looked down then dashed up the stairs, completely forgetting that he was in the middle of doing something.

He went back downstairs after a few minutes then finished preparing the table.

"Good morning, Saeran," MC greeted

"Define good," he grumbled

MC chuckled as she placed the cooked food down on the table, "Ji-Soo will be over later today."

Saeran's expression softened, "About that. When were you going to tell me that Ji-Soo was a psychologist?"

MC's smile faltered, "Saeran, I can explain."

"I was just asking," Saeran responded before MC burst into a long explanation, "If you weren't planning to, that's okay but I can proudly say that I've long stopped using the drugs and I barely have nightmares and episodes. It was hard but Ji-Soo helped me with it too."

MC smiled weakly, "I'm glad she could help."

Saeran shrugged, "Talking helped. I didn't know how but it did. She knows a lot about me and I'm still sort of scared about it since I know that I can't trust her fully, but at least I didn't carry the load alone."

"You can trust her fully," MC pointed out, "I know that it's hard trusting women with everything that's happened to you-,"

"I never told you anything about it," Saeran interrupted, "All you knew was that Rika kicked me out of Mint Eye. Did Ji-Soo tell you?"

"I… when we were back there, I may have seen the scribbles," MC replied weakly, "B-But I never told it to anybody! I promise! Not even Ji-Soo."

Saeran frowned as he sat down on his chair. He avoided MC's gaze as the woman tried desperately to explain.

"I find it so hard to trust people," he muttered, "All this time, you knew and you didn't… you didn't,"

"What? Try and help you?" MC furrowed her brows, "Saeran these past few years, all I've been doing is trying to gain your trust. I found someone who can help you and now you think that I never cared to help you?"

"You're insane if you think that way!" MC sighed exasperatedly then sat down on her seat, "Believe in what you want but you know deep down that I did everything to help you."

Saeran turned to her then muttered "Sorry."

"I just hate looking weak and vulnerable," he continued, "I know that you helped me."

MC let out a breath of relief, "Glad that we have that out of the way. I thought it would cause some drama. Like in the movies when the main star discovers something that her partner knows already. Gosh, I mean, why wouldn't they just talk, you know?"

Saeran gave her a small side smile, "But they do. In the end that is, when their lives are all ruined."

MC laughed, "Promise me we'll never turn to something like that?"

"Our lives are already ruined," Saeran stated, "I say bring it on."

MC nodded in agreement then stared at Saeran for quite some time, "You know, looking back from when I met you, you were a completely different person."

"Personality?" He asked

"Physically," she responded, "Apparently your hair isn't white and you were wearing contacts. Funny how I assumed you were born like that."

Saeran shrugged, "There was no point dyeing it."

"I like this better on you," she noted, "I mean, it's you, the real one."

"I hate it though," he replied as he ran a hand through his hair, "I see my brother everytime I look in the mirror."

MC reached out and patted his hand, "Hey, it's not your brother, it's you in the mirror. It's you who is living and trying hard. It's not him, it's you."

Dahan-dahan pang gumigising at ngayo'y babawi na (Ever so carefully waking up and will now recover)

Saeran, for once, skipped staying indoors for the whole day to go to a nearby convenience store. He bought food for himself then sat down at one of the seats located outside. He managed to get a good look at the surroundings in real life, not through any of his cameras.

Everything felt different and new despite the fact that he saw the place every single day.

The establishments around were still there and the people too. And, oh, would you look at that, the resident thief was on her job.

Saeran watched as MC passed by someone and quickly grabbed the wallet from his pocket. She had managed to place it inside the small bag that she had with her.

She turned to her usual spot and saw that it was Saeran who was occupying the seat for her. She went over to him, grabbing the unoccupied seat in front of him.

"You know, I changed a lot, I think you should too," he spoke

"True but a minimum wage job isn't going to make ends meet," she responded

"But what if you get caught?" He asked, "Who's gonna bail you out?"

She grinned towards him, "Of course my best buddy is gonna do that for me."

Saeran rolled his eyes, "I'm not your best buddy."

"Well, housemate," she corrected, "My really kind housemate is gonna bail me out of jail if ever that happens."

"And how do you suppose I'd get money when you don't allow me to work?" He asked

"My housemate is gonna sneak me out of jail," she finalized

Saeran chuckled, "And if I get caught doing that, we'll both be in jail."

"Prison buddies?" She asked

"Shut up," Saeran responded, "We're not gonna see each other then. I'm serious, MC, you're gonna have to change your ways sooner or later."

MC sighed, "I'll cross that bridge when I get there but for tonight, all I'm thinking about is what I'm going to cook. Do you feel like having a feast? Because this wallet sure does!"

Muntik na nasanay ako sa 'king pag-iisa (Almost got used in my solitude)

Saeran went back to MC's house just after meeting with her. She told him that morning that Ji-Soo would be over so he had to prepare himself into talk. A lot.

It's not like he hated it, it's just that talking a lot took some getting used to, especially since he talked to a complete stranger. Before, Ji-Soo would be over for hours only to get nothing out of him but now, her time wasn't all wasted.

Now, the house was void of noises from MC and he even if he spent years being alone at the house while MC was out 'working', he couldn't get used of the silence.

The house was always so lively during the morning and night with her voice and her running around everywhere so during the rest of the day, the house looked gloomy even if Ji-Soo was there.

He couldn't believe that he lived exactly like that at Mint Eye though. He couldn't believe that he would spend days and weeks alone with his computers, not noticing the hours and not bothering to go up and talk to the other disciples. He spent majority of his life in silence.

When he was a child, he was sickly so Saeyoung had to go out to buy medicine. He was left by their mother alone in their room with chains around his ankles.

When Rika came, she and V took him in but they were almost always out. Rika gave him a thick book like the one Saeyoung always read and a laptop to practice what he had learned. All the while, Rika would be at V's house or she would be busy planning a party so there were no one to keep him company at her house.

Then he was brought to Mint Eye where he was stuck in the basement doing her dirty job. He didn't bother talking to others, he had to take revenge on his brother.

Now, years later, he lived with a woman who didn't have the audacity to shut up at the correct times. She was that ray of sunshine that would pass through the blinds every single morning and wake him up. She was the sound of the television running that gives him entertainment. She was the sound of the leaves dancing with the midnight wind that would put him to sleep.

He could never get used to being alone ever again.

Is this what they call…

Having a friend?

At kaya nang iwanan ang bakas ng kahapon ko (and I can now leave behind the trace of my yesterday)

He walked up the stairs, to his room. He sat down on the bed and stared at his wall covered in paper with writings. He could admit, learning to write was difficult since he was never admitted to formal schooling.

He read each and every word written on the paper, curses to his mother and twin, promises of revenge, how Rika had changed him, how he regretted the fact that he trusted his brother, and how Rika kicked him out because of MC.

The collection grew over the years but his additions to it went lesser and lesser until he had nothing to write anymore.

He could remember the last entry he had placed at the very center.

Rika lied

Two words. Just two simple words that MC had yelled to him one day but it made so much impact to his life. It wasn't even taken into context. She had told him that Rika lied about the medication, about the drugs that he'd apparently been taking but if taken out of context, it had so much meaning to him.

He never thought he would go about reading it again or noticing them but they had to go at some point. He had to let go of the grudges.

Afterall, Ji-Soo was there to encourage him to keep living and there was MC who was always there, making him feel lighter.

He stood up and ripped the paper off the wall. All the pain and the anger translated into worldly material that he faced every single morning, now torn and on the ground.

He grabbed a pad of sticky notes and a pen and sat back down on the bed.

With a small smile, he placed the tip of the pen on the first sheet of paper and started writing.

I will begin again

Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko, nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo (The song of my life will keep on going, even if the shape of your heart has changed)

Saeran held the torn paper in his hands and placed them all in one plastic bag. He went outside and started a small fire, not enough to catch attention.

When he was satisfied with the height of the fire, he would grab a piece of paper, read it aloud and throw it in.

With each piece of paper, he felt a bit lighter and at ease. He couldn't wait to tell it to MC and Ji-Soo. This was so much of an improvement and maybe MC would let him find a job so he could occupy himself.

He was still young, he still had time so it wasn't too late to start a career as a computer engineer or an anti-virus developer. It would be an easy job for him and maybe then he could make MC stop from stealing. Maybe he could take care of the household for the two of them.

Then when he had enough, he could go find his brother and then they could fulfill every promise they had with each other because, if what MC said was true that Rika lied about the drugs, then Rika probably lied about all of it. Then it could only mean that Saeyoung left to get a job then he would try and find him.

His twin was out there scouring the city to find him. He wanted to do the same thing but at the right moment. The wounds haven't fully healed yet and he was afraid at what he would feel when he sees Saeyoung again so it would take some time but it he was going to do it eventually.

He could see himself living a happy life knowing that his twin brother was alive and well and happy and MC was too. The two people that mattered the most in his life getting along and being with him until the end of his days.

Saeran wiped the tears he didn't realize he'd been shedding. He missed his brother so much. It had been, what, eleven years since he'd last seen him?

He couldn't wait to meet his twin again.

Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo, 'pagkat tuloy pa rin… (I am prepared to challenge my world because it will keep on going)

As soon as he entered the house, he heard the phone ringing which was odd since MC didn't know much people.

He grabbed the phone and put it up to his ear, speaking "Hello?"

"Saeran,"

"MC? Is this you?" He asked

"Yeah. I, uh, got into a tight situation,"

He furrowed his brows, "What's wrong?"

"Saeran, I'm… I got caught. I'm in jail right now."

"I'm on my way,"

•••

I hope you had a blast even if the brain's delivery got all messed up. I swear I ordered angst.