A/N: I have been super-lax on updating this and I apologize. Hopefully I can wrap this story up soon. Sorry for all of the delays.

Thanks to WestSide Love, PiePerson, and SoRightItsWrong for their reviews!

Chapter 25: Illuminated

Beads of sweat dripped down her face as Olivia collapsed onto the couch later that week. She wiped away the perspiration forming on her brow, and gently massaged the increasing stiffness out of her thigh. Her physical therapist had cautioned her to not over-extend herself in her exercises, and she had so far heeded the advice. After her short trip to the precinct however, she had found new motivation – and new fear. She was afraid recovery would take too long if she failed to push herself.

The pain was not overwhelming, but enough that the bottle of ibuprofen on the kitchen counter called out to her. Her knee put in protest when asked to bend, so she resorted to grabbing the edge of the coffee table and pulling herself to her feet. She stretched out her leg a bit before limping towards the countertop.

Swiftly, she cracked open the plastic bottle, and dry-swallowed two capsules.

The exercise had warmed her body, and she felt overheated as she stood there in her tank top and shorts. Glancing back to the window, Liv checked that the blinds were closed.

Grabbing the bottom of her tank top, she pulled it over her head and let it fall to the floor. She continued stripping out of her clothes as she hobbled towards the bathroom.

Liv jumped at first when she stepped into the shower, but after the initial shock, the cool water felt almost heavenly against her skin. She placed her face directly under the spray, and ran her fingers through her wet hair. Olivia then leaned back, blinking away the drops of water that ran down her eyelids. She rested her head against the shower surround, closing her eyes as the cool water cascaded down her body.

She could feel the muscles in her body relax, almost as if they had molded themselves into the wall of the shower. The physical pain seemed to drip away with the water, and her body seemed to drift into a half-sleep.

She was tired – so very tired. She could sense it with every ounce of her being. As she stood there under the falling water, she tried as hard as she could to chase away the thoughts and images that had accrued since the first victim had been found.

At long last, she could feel her mind switching off. Olivia turned off the water, and stepped out of the tub. She reached for a towel, and paused for a moment when she caught her reflection in the mirror. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and her wrinkles were more defined than usual. The lack of sleep had been taking a toll on her physical appearance as well.

The key was to not think about it – not think about the pain, about the case, about returning to work. Olivia sighed. The key was to not think at all.

At the moment, Olivia tried to focus on the present. She wrapped the towel around herself, and then grabbed her toothbrush. When satisfied, she rinsed her mouth, dropped the brush back in its holder, and pushed back from the sink.

Liv ran a hand through her wet hair as she folded her arms against her chest. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she tried to shut everything out. She focused only on the noises around her – the blare of a horn from the street outside, the hum of light above the sink, and the dripping of the water from the showerhead.

Olivia turned and watched as each drop of water splattered against the bottom of the tub. The drips began to slow until they almost ceased to fall. Liv's eyes caught the last drop as it left the showerhead and followed it as it slowly descended into the pool of blood on the floor. The shower – her entire bathroom – had vanished and been replaced by Cragen's pale, slumped body. She felt as though she were spinning in place – her cries were echoing about her as she spun.

Liv gasped as she threw her hands to her head and collapsed to the floor. By the time she had managed to close her mind to the images, tears had begun to form in the corners of her eyes. As she blinked those away, Huang's words came back to her:

"Maybe you'll never know…"

Maybe I'll never know. Olivia narrowed her eyes as she stared at her dingy tile floor. She was not ready to accept defeat – Gardner was dead, she was not. He did not have the ability – nor the right – to control her from the grave. He may have been two steps ahead, but it was now her chance to take the lead. She need to be in control again. As Huang had said, she would have to conquer this.

Olivia lifted herself from the ground. She would be in control again. For now, however, she needed sleep.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Hours later, Olivia threw back the covers in despair and sat up. She sighed as she leaned against the wall. Sleep had not come to her for more than a few minutes at a time – her mind was running full speed, flying through possibilities. She chewed on her lip, staring at the clock as her brain recanvassed her memories of the crime scenes.

Liv slid to the edge of the bed. There had to be something she was missing – something that would explain why she could not let it go. Her fingers brushed across the file folder that had recently become a fixture on her bedside table. Everything there was to be found within its pages was already chiseled into her mind – she could recite the information from memory.

Sighing, she stood up and walked over to the window. She crossed her arms, and placed her forehead against the cool glass.

The street below her was quiet. An older gentleman from her building was swaying slightly under the streetlamp as he waited for his poodle to find an adequate spot to do his business. She briefly rubbed her tired eyes, and then returned to her watch. The dog had finally finished, and the two hurried back into the building.

Liv winced slightly as the headlights of a car turning onto her street lit up the window.

And then she froze.