Disclaimer: Noblesse isn't mine.
His screams reach me clearly as if no walls separated us. They fill the room like a rushing wind, and there is nothing I can do to block out the sound. M-21's voice dies down, but I can't tell if it is because the experiments have ceased or if he has finally lost consciousness from the pain. Either way, the howling will start again soon. Silence never lasts for long. Crombel can be so cruel.
Tao's muffled sobs drift in from somewhere down the corridor. I can hear them in these brief moments of quiet, but I know that even when the silence lifts, his cries are still there under the sound. Sometimes Tao's screams mix with M-21's screams until the two blend into one voice. It's his way of stopping the noise, and I envy him for this. I wish I could hide the way he does, but I deserve to suffer the fullness of it. Everything that has happened is because of me.
M-21's screams rise again, and it will be hours until they reach their peak. Tao's voice disappears beneath them, and I'm glad that he can only hear the sound. He doesn't understand what it means. He doesn't know the details of every experiment, the reasons behind the screams. He is ignorant of this. I comfort myself with this thought because I understand everything.
Regis is shouting, begging for them to stop. His pleas are filled with tears and go unanswered. I know that he would trade his own life to take M-21's place the way that M-21 had done for him. I feel the worst for Regis. His pain is so similar to my own. We are both so desperate to save another's life that we would destroy ourselves to spare them, but where he would have only given his own life, I was willing to give their lives as well.
I had always thought that if it ever came to this, I would fight to the death. I would protect my master and my children. I would die before I ever let my master experience something so horrible. I never imagined I would betray him with my own hands. Guilt consumes me. I torture myself with blame. Everything they suffer is because of me, and it is the least that I can do to take on as much of the agony as I can withstand. I deserve this, but they are innocent.
My hands are shaking, and the binds cut into my wrists like razorblades. The pain reminds me not to resist. I must stay alive. I must live through this. I am bound to this place by more than these chains. I have forsaken everything for this. For him. If I die, he will be alone.
I look through the window across from me at my master's cell. This is the only way Crombel has found to quiet me-allowing me to see my master. As long as I know he is alive, I will do anything. I know this. Crombel knows this. He humors me as long as it benefits him.
My master doesn't look at me. He refuses to meet my eyes. I know he is aware of what I have done to save his life. What I have sacrificed. He suffers more than I do. He can feel all of our pain as if it was his own, and for once, he is powerless to protect us. I try to think of happier times to ease his mind. I ask him to forgive me, but I can't obey him anymore. I can't let him die.
Crombel enters my master's room, and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I call out for Dark Spear, but he don't answer me. He knows that I do not have the power to summon him, and I can feel his ecstasy at my misery. I cannot protect my master just as I couldn't protect him during the battle that brought us here. I risked everything to save his life. I took him to the Union labs. They were closer than the house, and there wasn't time. I would have done anything, and I knew that the others would follow me. I knew that we would lose.
I yell and curse, but nothing changes. Crombel pays no attention to me, and in this state, I am only frightening the others. I can no longer hear Tao and Regis. They are listening to me instead, and even M-21 is quiet. They know that if even I am like this, all hope is lost. They need my strength, but I can't provide them with that small comfort.
Nothing seems real anymore. I don't even know if I am sane, but I grasp to hold onto my mind. I must remain of value. It is my knowledge that keeps us alive. Crombel needs what I know, and as long as my master is in his hands, I will give it freely. How many lives have I sacrificed to save my master? How many has Crombel taken of which I am not aware? I don't even know what has happened to Takeo and Seira. This is only the beginning of my guilt. I know that more lives are to come.
My master cannot look at me because he knows what I have done. All of it was for his sake.
This is a dark story written for Halloween.