A/N: Here's the next chapter- it's a bit of a long one. Hope you like it! Please leave reviews and tell me what you think :) Disclaimer: I will never own Marvel

Newspapers hailed the end of the war two days later with the swearing in of the new president on the left of the front page beside the big headline picture of the underground fortress up in smoke. The whole country celebrated the end of it all, not knowing that another war was coming. I wished I could warn them, but none of the Avengers thought it was a good idea, and for once I agreed. It wouldn't help to have the nation in a full panic especially since we weren't even sure we could win.

In light of our victory, Tony found it necessary to throw a full on party. I felt excited, my love of parties showing through once again. Despite the dread of the next war, I did feel glad this war was over. I wanted a reason to just be happy for a little while and enjoy myself. I needed to let go and drink til I couldn't think, though, I knew I wouldn't get that luxury for another six months. If not for Steve's help, I doubted I'd really be able rid myself of alcohol.

The hours until the party wound down until one was left and I put the final touches on my look. My dress wasn't as sexy as I'd usually like, partially because of Steve and partially because of my slightly elevated stomach. Instead, my dress was covered in gold sequins to match the occasion and gathered around my neck in a halter style without synching at the waist. The hemline reached barely mid thigh, which I knew bothered Steve, but I was too excited about dressing up to care.

My makeup was darker than usual, smoky eyes accenting my deep brown eyes and a little bit of contouring bringing out my cheekbones. Even to myself, I looked more Latina than I usually did, and I kind of liked it. I didn't know my mother's family very well, but I still prided myself in that heritage.

"Are you ready to- " Steve asked, popping his head into the bathroom where I stood in front of the mirror. He stumbled at the end, taking in my appearance with surprise. "Wow. You look beautiful." He told me sincerely.

I beamed at him. "You don't look so bad yourself." I told him, straightening his tie. Even though he didn't seem very confident in it, he looked smoking hot in his tailored suit.

He fidgeted with the side of the jacket. "I miss my uniform."

"Is is selfish that I wish you didn't need to wear it? I wish the world could just be at peace for a little while."

"As much I love my job, I wish that could happen too. But it never will; never in the world's history has it ever achieved peace."

I put in gold hoops and put a few finishing touches on my makeup. "This is a new generation. We can evolve; we can change."

"I don't-"

I hushed him with a finger over his mouth. "I know, I know. You don't think humanity has gotten any better. But let's not talk about this stuff right now. Let's go have fun, forget about the world for a little while."

He smiled slightly. "I'd like that."

"Well then." I grabbed my purple purse and slipped on my stilettos, finally ready to leave. "Let's go."

When I reached my car, I ran to the driver's side, much to Steve's chagrin. It wasn't that he was sexist, he just thought my driving was reckless. Perhaps it was, but I'd never gotten in an accident so it didn't really matter.

I turned on the radio, flipping through the better channels. Steve and I switched off as was drove, one song being old swing music and the next being dance pop. He knew all the songs I played, but I knew he preferred his own music. I knew his too, after a year of being with him, so I didn't mind.

Flashing lights greeted us as we pulled up to the base of Stark Tower.

Steve sighed and I patted him on the shoulder. "It's only one night." I reminded him, knowing stuff like this still made him uncomfortable. "And I'll be around if you want to go early."

"No, I'll be fine." He told me, opening the door of the car.

We walked into the building arm in arm, ignoring the flash of paparazzi. Although we still hadn't officially announced our engagement, it was pretty much implied. And now that I wasn't public enemy number one, lots of people found it adorable. On the flipside, a lot of fangirls hated me but I didn't give a damn. I honestly found their rage kind of funny.

"How many people did Tony invite?" Steve muttered, taking in the herd of people around him. "The whole city of New York?"

"Practically." I jumped, turning to see Pepper standing behind us. "It took hours to send out all the invitations.

"Hello Pepper." Steve said, nodding cordially at her. He kept his hand around my waist, silently telling me he was on my side. He knew how Pepper felt about me, and how nervous that made me. "How are you?"

"Good. I'll survive at least." She told us, shifting on her feet. "I…came here to apologize."

My eyes flickered up to Steve's with shock, wondering if he'd heard that too. "Over what?"

"Its…I've…" She paused, brushing her hair behind her ear while she gathered her thoughts. "I never have been very kind to you, and I see now that I shouldn't have been."

"I understood why you did it. It's not every day you're forced to spend time with your boyfriend's bastard child." I understood, but that didn't mean I wasn't bitter about it.

She blushed a little at my bluntness. "No, it isn't I guess. But I always knew the day would come and I shouldn't blame you for it. Besides, you saved me back when we were kidnapped, so I'm grateful."

"You're welcome?" I was too caught off guard by it all to know what else to say.

Thankfully, some other guest caught Pepper's attention and she had to leave to talk to him.

"That was very kind." Steve told me, watching her go.

"Yeah. I certainly didn't see that coming. I've wanted her respect for so long… I never thought it'd actually happen."

"Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get." He replied, falsely philosophical.

I burst out laughing, leaning into his side to muffle the noise. "Did you just quote Forrest Gump?"

He smirked at me. "Yes."

"I don't know why, but it sounds so much more ridiculous coming from you."

"Glad it makes you laugh."

When I finally got my laughter under control, we went upstairs to where the lounge and bar were. Somewhere along the journey, Steve got separated from me by some fan or other and I was alone. I felt strange without him by my side, as if a part of me were missing. It seemed wrong for me to be standing alone.

I decided to try and lessen that feeling by a few drinks, but stopped after a couple steps. I groaned internally, remembering my forced abstinence. With a sour expression, I sank down in a seat by the bar, watching everyone else drink and struggling to gain a hold on my restraint. I pictured the deformed child in my head, trying to scare my body into submission, but it didn't relieve the craving. I just wanted a drink, one little drink, and that wouldn't be so bad would it?

"What's got you so down?" Tony slid onto the bar stool beside me, sipping at a cocktail. I glared at him, hating that he was practically taunting me, even though he didn't know it. "Woah. If you want a drink, they're passing them around."

I removed my eyes from his drink, embarrassed he knew I was staring. I should've known; he noticed everything. Except maybe…

I sat up, a grin lighting up my face. While the need for alcohol was still present in my mind, I was able to push it away for more important things. Like surprising Tony for the first time.

"I can't have a drink." I told him primly.

He squinted at me, emptying his own drink. "Are you on some sort of detox shit?"

"Nope."

"Are you…" He thought for a second, running a hand through his hair. "In the middle of some bet?"

"Nope."

"Did Steve tell you to do it?"

"Nope." The more frustrated he became, the more smug my expression was. "I thought you'd have figured it out by now."

He glared at me. "I know what it is. I just want you to think you have the upper hand."

"Fine." I told him, taking a step as if I wanted to walk away. I knew his curiosity would beat out his pride and he wouldn't let me go.

"Wait." His voice was coated in reluctance. "Tell me."

"Are you sure? I believe my information could be categorized as a surprise." I emphasized the word 'surprise', knowing he knew the gravity of it. Excitement welled up in me; I finally was going to beat Tony. The student had become the master.

His eye twitched. "No, never mind. I'll figure it out. You aren't going to win." He stalked off, telling FRIDAY something in his phone.

"Good luck!" I told him sarcastically, grinning.

I turned back to the bar, pulling my phone from my pocket. Despite the drinks around me, my spirits were now lifted enough that I could resist the temptation.

I texted Wanda, asking where she was and then again Pietro. Although he'd been gone a whole ten minutes, I still couldn't see Steve anywhere. I decided to go and socialize, something I hadn't done enough lately.

I scanned the crowd, looking for familiar faces. Scattered amongst the crowd, there were a hundred celebrities and famous faces, but none of which I personally knew. I considered introducing myself to one of them, but then I caught sight of a familiar set of blue eyes and blonde hair.

"Courtney?" I breathed, eyes wide with surprise. I knew she'd gained a lot of fame for becoming a reporter on GMA, but I didn't know she was big enough to be here.

We made awkward eye contact across the room, and she smiled. Saying something to the boy beside her, she took his hand and walked towards me. Even under pounds of makeup, her face was easily recognizable to me, but the boy's took a minute. Then, it clicked.

I stood up abruptly, filled with the urge to run. I knew that face all too well; it was the face of my ex, the one I'd actually loved. I'd likely remember his messy brown hair and hazel eyes for the rest of my life, remembering him as my first heartbreak. I'd hoped I wouldn't ever have to see him again.

"Oh Nika!" Courtney said, pushing herself past the last group of people and throwing her arms around my shoulders. "I should've known I'd see you again!"

"Hey Courtney." I said, feigning interest when really I was just staring at Kevin. "It's nice to see you."

"Me too! I thought you'd forgotten me after that one call. You really scared me with that," She playfully nudged my shoulder. "I thought you were dead." I remembered that call, though it seemed so long ago. That was right before I'd been kidnapped with Jane and escaped.

"I wasn't."

"Duh!"

Kevin cleared his throat and Courtney turned around, remembering he was there. She paused, looking between the two of us, probably remembering our history. She'd had a front side seat to it back in the day, ever listening to me cry and talk about him. At the time, though, she'd told me she thought he was a dirty skunk bag. Apparently that view had changed.

"So…" Courtney said, sensing the awkward tension. I wished I could just sink into the ground and avoid the feeling looking at Kevin brought to my chest. I couldn't tell if it was repulsion or the reminiscent fragments of love or a mix of both, but I didn't want to feel them. I'd come here to have fun, and Kevin was the opposite of fun.

"Hey Nika." Kevin said, his melodious voice freezing my thoughts.

"Uh, hey Kevin." I said, clearing my throat to hide the shakiness.

"It's the high school gang back together." Courtney put a hand on each of our shoulders, beaming at us like that was supposed to be a good thing.

"I'd like to forget high school, if you don't mind." Kevin said, taking a sip from his glass. His eyes stayed on me and not Courtney, unnerving me.

"Courtney?" A young woman cried from a few feet away. She ran up and firmly shook Courtney's hand, a small smile on her face. "I didn't think I'd see you here. Come on, now's the perfect time to discuss the piece for Friday on the party. I was thinking maybe we could…" She droned on, walking away with Courtney tailing her. She glanced over her shoulder at the two of us with concern, but she had to follow the woman away anyway. And I was left alone with my ex.

"So, how come you are here?" Kevin asked, sinking into one of the bar chairs. He set down his glass on the bar, putting his full attention on me.

"My father owns the place, of course I'm invited."

He rose an eyebrow in surprise. "Your mystery father is that prick Tony Stark?"

"Yeah…didn't you know that? It's been like a major part of the news for years."

"I wouldn't know. I've been out of the country for over two years now in a secluded island on the Bahamas. We didn't get a lot of news there, but we sure did get a lot of surf."

"How come you're here then?"

"Courtney invited me." He said nonchalantly, overacting that it was nothing. I knew he was lying.

"Are Courtney and you together?"

"Not really…" He said, looking away from my eyes. I knew that look, so I knew he was lying.

"Mhm sure." I snorted, looking away from him. I tried to ignore the fluttery feeling him looking at me gave me, knowing how treasonous that was. Not only had this guy treated me like shit for a year, but I also was being unfaithful to Steve. I should have eyes for him and him alone, but I couldn't deny I felt attraction to Kevin.

"I promise. I'm free." He placed a hand over mine smoothly, a flirtatious smirk on his face. "If there's anything you want to do."

I hated myself for how long I let him touch me, staring at him. I wanted him, much like I had years ago. Sex had been one of the most crucial components of our relationship, especially for him. And it'd been hella good.

Regaining my self control, I snatched my hand away. "Don't you touch me, you fucking bastard!" I hissed at him.

"Woah. You still mad? Come on, it's been years."

"Still mad? Still mad?! Are you kidding me? You cheated on me with that slut next door and mostly kept me around as a fuck buddy. I loved you, Kevin, despite your flaws. How could you throw that away?" Slowly, I was working myself into anger. I never really had gotten to express my anger to Kevin, especially since he totally cut me out when we broke up.

"Come on Nika, don't pretend it wasn't your fault. You were so needy; I felt like I couldn't ever get away from you."

"That was because I wanted to be around you. I thought you liked to be around me too, but I know that was wrong. I was blind."

He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "I didn't come here to fight. I thought you'd be over with that petty high school stuff and want to have a little fun."

"It wasn't petty to me; it was everything!"

People began to look our way and I sweated under their gazes. I hated to be stared at, and in my already emotionally unstable mood, I felt I couldn't take it for a second.

I pushed past the crowds and away from Kevin out on the balcony of the tower. The wind on my face sobered me a little, but I still felt as if I were on the brink of panicking. I raced to the railing of the balcony, clutching onto it for dear life. There were a few people milling around, but I tuned them all out, stuck in the confines of my mind.

I took deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. It wasn't working, and I slowly felt myself losing grip. I couldn't control myself or my body, and my breathing started to hitch. I leaned my total weight onto the railing, scared to death. The world seemed to fall around me and I just wished it could be over. I wanted it to stop, but it just wouldn't.

"Nika? What's wrong?" A feminine voice asked, walking up behind me. It took me a second to realize it was Wanda, and I could've cried with relief. There was no one I'd rather have around when I was having a panic attack besides my best friend. Even her presence already made me feel as if I was coming back into focus within my own body. The world slowly felt a little less hopeless.

"I just…" I breathed, struggling to talk with my throat constricted. Wanda frowned, placing a hand on my shoulder. The attack began to fade quickly, and I noticed the red glow surrounding me.

Once it finally all passed, I collapsed into a heap on the ground, feeling exhausted. Wanda knelt beside me. "Are you okay now?"

I nodded shakily. "I'm getting there. Thank you."

"I'm glad to help." She waited a minute or two for me to catch my breath before she began to speak again. "What happened?"

"I talked to Kevin."

"Who is Kevin?"

I glanced around, not really wanting to talk about it in public. Wanda caught the hint and helped me to my feet, taking me inside to her room so we could talk in peace.

Each Avenger had a room in the Tower, but I'd never been to Wanda's before. The walls were painted a deep shade of red, reflecting the color of her magic. The furniture was modern but in deep shades of gray and black like a vampirish feel. On tabletops and chairs, books littered the space. If I hadn't been so worn out, I would've curiously looked at the titles, but instead I just pushed them aside and sat down heavily.

Wanda left briefly, coming back with a cup of coffee for herself and me. I accepted it gratefully, taking a shaky sip.

"Now, tell me." Wanda demanded gently, settling down in the chair across from me.

I took a deep breath before spilling all that I'd kept in. "Back in high school, I loved Kevin. He was the first man I ever loved. Despite this, he barely even saw me in the beginning as anything but a piece of meat and he never loved me. He dated me because I was hot and occasionally fun to be around, never realizing how much that hurt me. I spent a year with that douchebag, letting myself be treated like shit without putting up any fight. I thought it was my fault somehow- that I wasn't good enough. That was when I began the spiral into drinking and depression. I began a bad habit and…hell, I haven't stopped. After we broke up, I got even worse. I got addicted to drugs and eventually heroin to forget it all."
She frowned thoughtfully at me. "I never knew you were addicted to drugs."

"It's not really something I tell people. Only my mom, Courtney, and Steve ever knew." It occurred to me then that I hadn't seen Steve in an hour. I'd have thought he'd have known about my episode by the bar, but maybe he hadn't found out yet. In any case, I wished he were here with me. Wanda was my best friend and I felt safe around her, but Steve was the love of my life and his comfort was everything to me. I wasn't even sure I'd ever really told him about Kevin or any of my exes besides the fact they existed. Our relationship was based in the present and future, not in the past. But Kevin was something he really should know about.

"It sounds as if Kevin weren't a very good man, but I sense that there was something beyond that during your episode."

"There was…I-" Shame washed over me and I hung my head. "When I saw him again, I didn't feel repulsed. I was attracted to him just the same, despite all I know. How twisted is that?"

"Humans cannot control what we feel, nor can we change it. We can only choose to ignore it and make decisions based on our minds rather than our hearts."

A small smile turned my lips. "You sound like your boyfriend. Vision is rubbing off on you."

She chuckled. "Is that so bad?"

"Yes. He annoys the hell out of me with his lofty ideals."

"He means well."

"So did Hitler I'm sure."

"I don't quite think Vision compares to Hitler."

I laugh, feeling my spirits lift a little. "I sure hope not."

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I read the text from Tony. "Where are you?" He asked. "You're missing the party."

"Who is it?" Wanda asked, setting down her coffee cup on the table.

"Tony. He wonders where I am."

"Do you want to go back to the party?"

I sighed, taking a final sip of the coffee. Talking to Wanda had taken the stress from my shoulders, and I felt a lot better. And socializing would make everything even better. "Yeah. Thanks for all this."

"It's no problem." She told me with a shrug.

We walked to the door, opening I to see Vision standing there with his hand raised to knock. "I came to speak with Wanda." He informed me, glancing at her behind the door.

"Ugh." I muttered, brushing past him. "Ya'll have fun with that then; I'll leave you to it."

"Vision!" Wanda replied, her voice unusually cheerful. He entered her room and I closed the door behind him, wanting to give them their privacy even though I knew they just planned to talk and read for a couple hours. That's all they ever did, and it was fucking boring.

Stopping by a bathroom on the floor, I touched up my makeup and texted Tony that I was coming to the bar level. I texted Steve too, but he didn't reply. I frowned, wondering what he'd gotten up to. It wasn't like him to leave me for an hour, especially at a party. He didn't like parties and told me he found them much more tolerable if he was with me.

Deciding to look for him before talking to Tony, I walked into the hallway and towards the elevator, paying attention to my phone and not where I was going.

A blue blur swooped by me and knocked my feet from under me, lifting me into the air. I squeaked in shock, totally not having seen it coming.

Pietro carried me several feet down the hall before dropping me back on the floor. I swayed on my feet, taking a second to get my bearings. When I finally did, I glanced up to see Pietro grinning at me.

I punched him playfully in the arm. "What the hell was that?" I asked.

"You looked bored. I thought it'd be fun." He told me with that lopsided grin I knew won all the ladies. Thankfully, I'd become immune to it long ago. I already had an Avenger to love.

"Ah yes because scaring the shit out of me is fun."

"For me it was. Besides, not my fault you did not pay attention."

"We both know I couldn't have seen you coming even if I'd been paying attention."

"True." He admitted with a shrug. In a flash, he suddenly grabbed my phone and scrolled on it. "Who were you texting that took up so much of your attention?"

I snatched it back before he could speed it away. "Steve. Who else?"

"Perhaps that boy who upset you so very much."

The humor faded from my face. "No. I hope never to see him again."

"Why? What did he do?" He asked, not taking my hint.

"I don't want to talk about it." I muttered, looking away from his face.

"Did he hurt you?" His eyebrows furrowed, searching my face.

I declined to answer, shrugging him away. "I really don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Do not talk to me as if I were child. I can tell something is wrong."

"I already spilled my heart to Wanda, leave me alone."

"Why are you being so rude?"

"I'm not! Fucking leave me alone!'

"Woah. It's getting heated in here. I think we need to calm down." Falcon stepped out of the elevator, glancing between the two of us.

"I don't need to fucking calm down. I just want to be alone." It was strange how fast I'd become upset by the subject that I'd just talked through, but I just felt so emotionally fragile at the moment.

Falcon glanced at Pietro for guidance but he simply shrugged, his anger gone.

"What are you even doing here?" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest irritably.

"I live on this floor."

"Oh." I felt stupid, but I refused to look the part. I stomped towards the elevator, awkwardly having to wait for it to hit my floor, and closed the doors to the world. I told FRIDAY to bar anyone from entering, and sat down on the floor, pouting like a child. I knew I was being crazy emotional and it made no sense, but Kevin really shook me up. I staggered to my feet, feeling the urge to do something so I could at least take my mind off it. I flipped through my options, finding very few. The most obvious one seemed to go to my lab and start working, but it was too far away and I couldn't leave the party. Besides that, I could also talk to Steve, who always found a way to comfort me, but I didn't know where he was.

There was only one option left and it was glaring me in the face; I couldn't ignore it anymore. The fastest way to make me feel better would be to drink, and that was just what I'd do. I couldn't take it anymore- couldn't take the separation. I'd spent the past six years dealing with life through alcohol and I wasn't able to stop now. It was too late for me. I hated the feeling that I wasn't in control, but it was just the truth. I hated myself for it, but I'd lost.

I pushed the button to the upper floors and pulled out my phone, checking my reflection in the mirror. The mess I looked reflected how I felt, but I couldn't go in public like that. I rubbed off the running makeup and applied fresh mascara. I still looked messy, but it seemed intentional, so I steeled myself and left the elevator.

People were everywhere, but I avoided them more or less and sped over to one of the bars. I went behind it myself, fixing my own mix of gin, vodka, absinthe, brandy, and blackberry liquor. My throat burned as it went down, but I couldn't care less. My head began to swim a little, making the world blur at the edges. Crushing guilt overshadowed the relief, but I pushed it aside. I didn't want to think about it now.

For the next hour, I wandered around socializing with everyone and having a ball. I grabbed more to drink, becoming so drunk I could barely walk a straight line. Even so, I was used to drinking enough that I didn't show it. I acted normal, just perhaps a little happier than usual. The most common topic among the crowd was the story of the hostage situation, a story I had to retell from my perceptive a thousand times. Everyone got a little teary-eyed when I mentioned the death of the president, but I didn't see what all the fuss was. Of course I didn't want him to die, but these people didn't know him so they had no reason to cry.

Besides that, everyone else seemed in good spirits, or perhaps that's just how I perceived it in a drunken haze. The only one I found who wasn't socializing and having fun was a tall brunette man who leaned against the wall. He scanned the crowds, indecision flashing in his eyes. He seemed as if he wanted to talk to people but felt uncomfortable doing it.

I sashayed toward him, ready to give him that little push.

"Hey Bucky." I said, leaning against the wall.

He looked at me from the sides of his eyes. "Are you drunk?"

I frowned, having thought I hid it well. "How can you tell?"

"As the asset, I didn't get to talk much, so I learned to listen and watch instead." His eyes darkened at the memory, and I tried to change the subject. I wanted him to be happy rather than upset.

"Well congrats on being observant. What are you doing over here in the corner? There are a thousand hot and single chicks around here who would probably want to talk to you."

"And I'd love to talk to them."

"Then go!" I shoved his arm playfully, giggling.

"I'm happy in this corner."

"Why?"

"Can't it be because I'm here with such a beautiful woman?" He asked, but I could tell his playful flirtation hid his insecurity.

"Well I am beautiful." I joked, though it was true. "But there's something beyond that. Have you been having memories again?" I'd intended to steer him away from thinking negative thoughts, but now I was curious.

He frowned. "No. I remember all of it now, thanks to you and the other scientists, but I was just thinking about how I missed the victory party back in my time. I was too busy being changed into the enemy to get to experience the end of the war."

"Aw come on Bucky don't get so pensive. You're more fun than that, if you let yourself be." I tried to step forward but leaned against the wall with the other hand after an episode of vertigo. "Let's go talk to people. I'll find you a pretty 'dame' to sleep with."

He rolled his eyes, but I could sense his mood lighten. "Fine." He said, putting a steadying arm on my shoulder. The metal chilled my skin, making me instinctively shrug him off with a grunt. "I don't think it's a good idea to let you wander on your own."

"I'll be fine." I assured him with a giggle.

We wandered around the party, introducing ourselves to people. I searched the crowd searching for someone hot to take Bucky to. Steve said he wasn't withdrawn in the past, but now he'd become just that. If I didn't find him someone myself and make him start talking, it would take much longer. I liked helping him, especially since the ball of guilt and remorse resided somewhere in the depths of my mind. The image of my deformed, mangled child popped back into my head, and I froze, fear flooding my drunken mind. I didn't want that to be reality, but it was probably too late. I gave in, therefore ruining everything. I was a fucking failure. I drank for the sake of avoiding emotions, but instead they now just seemed ten times stronger.

"Nika? Are you alright?" Bucky asked, looking down at me with concern.

"Yeah. I"ll be fine." I muttered, pushing the thoughts away best I could. I needed another drink. "Why don't we get something from the bar?"

"I think you've had plenty to drink." He said with a chuckle, guiding me away from where I'd begun walking.

"Come on Bucky." I whined. "Just one drink? Do you even drink? I haven't even seen you drunk; what are you like?"

"No. Yes, I do, but I prefer to stay alert these days. I'm just as charming as I always am."

"But I want to see what you're like drunk, come on!" I tried to drag him forward but he didn't move his feet. By far his strength outmatched mine, but I kept dragging nonetheless. If I looked like an idiot, I didn't really care. I just wanted to get my way.

"Maybe some other time." He gently pried my arm off.

"Fine then…" I began to feel the eyes of others on me, making me uncomfortable. The little flutter of fear twisted in my stomach, but it dispersed when I laid eyes on Steve across the room. I smiled and waved at him, but he gave me a quizzical look. "Hey Bucky, look it's Steve." I told him, nodding to Steve. "Let's go talk to him."

"Always pick him over me, eh?"

"He is quite a catch after all."

"Didn't used to be. I could tell you a thousand stories of the times girls completely ignored him."

"I just can't imagine that. Wasn't he like not even five feet tall?"

"Nope. At least, I don't think so… details like that sometimes slip my mind. But I do remember this one girl who lived in an apartment by ours, we were together once but that's beside the point, and she once asked him to grab something from a shelf in her apartment since she was already down the stairs. He agreed, though of course in an awkward way-"

"Of course."

"-And went into the poor girl's apartment. Her roommate was home, so she tried to grab this vase of flowers from the shelf with her watching, but he can't reach. Eventually, he grabs it, fumbles, and it slips from the ground onto the floor and shatters. The roommate burst out laughing and he spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the mess and apologizing. He even wrote her an apology note that afternoon, which she shoved back in his face. He was upset for a week."

By the time he finished the story, I was crumpled over laughing. I struggled to imagine Steve so awkward, but the idea made me laugh. I knew a lot of the stories from Steve of course, but I never heard them from someone else's point of view. It made it ten times funnier, or maybe that was just the alcohol.

"Are you really telling that story Bucky?"

I jumped, not having noticed Steve cross the room to us. I wondered how long he'd been there, but the smirk on Bucky's face and the faint red on Steve's told me he hadn't just gotten there.

"Yes. I thought you'd approve. Your current girl needs to know how you used to act around women."

"It's hilarious!" I chipped in. "I'm glad you weren't like that when we met."

"Being taller than you really helped…" He smiled when I laughed, but then his eyebrows creased. "Are you drunk?"

"Why does everyone ask me that?" I giggled, but my humor faded when I saw Steve's serious expression. He and I both knew what I'd done was wrong.

Bucky glanced between the two of us, sensing something was wrong. He faded away in that unnerving way of his, leaving the two of us alone. "Nika, what happened?" Steve asked. I couldn't tell if he was concerned or upset. He glanced around the room, noting that we were surrounded by a crowd. "Let's go somewhere else."

I dreaded how disappointed he'd be in me. "Uh…" I wished I could say I wanted to stay and put it off, but that wasn't fair to him. "Okay."

He grabbed my hand with his and we walked through the crowds. I leaned against his side, still not stable on my feet. I felt like a misbehaving child being led to the principal, a feeling I'd known all too well as a kid. The difference lay in that I didn't give a damn what the principal thought, but Steve's opinion meant the world to me.

We went down the elevator and to Steve's room in the Tower in silence. Since we'd gotten the apartment, he rarely went to the room, but it was a great place for us to be sure no one would interrupt.

"What's wrong? What made you do this? I thought you said you had to stop." Steve said, shutting the door behind us.

I couldn't help it; I burst into tears. "I saw… I saw Kevin and it was so strange and I just couldn't take it and I know I'm horrible. I should've had control but I didn't and I'm such a failure." I sobbed. I expected Steve to rail at me for being irresponsible or even just leave, but instead he wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest.

"Is Kevin the guy who broke your heart?" He asked, bitterness evident in his voice. I never told him the story of Kevin, I never really told anyone besides the one who were there, but he knew I'd only loved one man before him and he destroyed me.

I nodded weakly, sobs erupting from my throat. I was a mess, amplified by excessive drinking. I pulled away from Steve, suddenly feeling disgusted with myself. Just an hour ago, I'd been wanting another man and here was Steve, perfect and faithful as ever, comforting me as if I were the victim. Not only that, but he also knew I'd endangered the life of his own child. I knew he wanted children and loved the barely formed one in my stomach, protective of it like he was me. He should hate me for this or at least be angry.

"You shouldn't be being nice to me." I said, crossing my arms over my chest and stepping back.

He frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "Why? I love you."

"But you shouldn't. I'm a fucking failure and I'm ruining everything."

"You aren't a failure; you're just flawed, just like I am. How could I hate you for that?"

"You aren't flawed, though." I complaining, wiping at the tears with my arm. "You're perfect, bred to be perfect. You don't understand."

He huffed in irritation, my accusation being a common topic he heard."I'm not perfect."

"Then prove it!"

"How?"

"I don't know! Get mad! Blame me for something!"

"But you've done nothing but give into a strong temptation. I shouldn't have left you alone; I may not be able to get drunk, but I know it's difficult to break an alcohol addiction."

"Steve, I endangered the life of our child with my recklessness. I was stupid and irresponsible. Besides that, when I saw Kevin, I momentarily wanted him back. For only a second, I would've cheated on you, doesn't that upset you?" If I weren't drunk, I probably never would've said any of it, preferring Steve to not be mad at me. A more free than usual mouth and stomachful of guilt kept that from being possible. I could see Steve, the usually calm one, actually becoming annoyed. We rarely fought, mostly because he wasn't hot headed like me, but now I could see the actual hurt in his eyes. I'd gone too far, personally attacking him. Faithfulness meant the world to him, and if he thought I'd strayed, I knew it'd hurt him like crazy. Belatedly, I wished I hadn't said anything.

"Fine! You want me to be angry? I will be! How are you always so irresponsible? Don't you care about anyone but yourself? I worry about you so much because I'm always worried about the decisions you'll make. Most of the time I don't notice the gap in age between us, but then you go off and act like a bratty teenager. Did no one ever teach you any manners, any care for other people besides yourself?"

"No! No one ever taught me! I grew up alone and without supervision. My mother was a bitch, my teachers and friends didn't give a shit about me!"

"I didn't exactly have a peaceful childhood either! I spent the first twenty years being bullied and being unable to help others. I wished there was something I could do, but I was just too small."

"So did I!" I screamed. "All I wanted was to be around people and to love them, but no one ever cared about me." My anger dissipated like smoke, leaving me with an empty feeling. I couldn't believe I'd snapped at Steve like that, perhaps endangering the best relationship I'd ever had. I had no right to be mad. With an ashen face, I admitted my mistake, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I shouldn't have gotten mad. I'm in the wrong; I'm the one who screwed up."

Any normal person would've affirmed that and probably left me there, but Steve simply paused, loosening his angry stance. He smiled softly, and my eyes widened in surprise. Where was the scolding? "I forgive you." He said sincerely.

"Wait…you do?"

"I do."

"What about all those flaws you mentioned? Aren't you mad at those?"

"Those are what make you you. I wouldn't change a thing."

"Why not?"

He leaned against the wall, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I always thought I wanted a perfect, demure dame who I could settle down and raise a family with. Then I met Peggy and that all changed. She was a strong, independent woman, and I respected and came to love her for it. Nika, I don't want some submissive housewife; I want a girl with fire. I want a girl who's independent and wild. Sure, sometimes you infuriate me, but that's what makes me love you so much. You're a handful, wild, young, and out of control, but I love that about you. We may seem like very different, but in the end we have the same values, and that combined keeps us together."

I didn't know what to say to that whopper of a speech, so I just stood there with my mouth open and closing. I felt as if I'd been shocked to soberness. "I…that's…"

He didn't give me time to finish before he pressed his lips against mine and I lost myself to the kiss. God, how I loved this man. We had the strangest fights in the world, but I knew now we could always work it out. I didn't believe in destiny or soulmates, but if I did, I would consider Steve and I as such. For the first time, I was glad I'd gotten to the live the life I did, even through the rough patches like Kevin, if this was the result.