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Olivia swallows hard and looks away from him, focusing her attention on the blank television screen in front of her. Elliot walks to the sofa and sits beside her with the pills in his hand.
Elliot says nothing at first and his silence only makes Olivia more nervous. She begins playing with her fingers, fidgeting as they sit in silence. Making her uncomfortable isn't his intention. Discomfort is the last thing he wants her to feel. However, he is hesitant to speak while thinking of the right words to say to her.
Elliot turns his head toward Olivia and she feels his eyes all over her.
The weight of his gaze is heavy on her and she feels suffocated, no longer able to take the awkward silence.
"What?" she asks quietly.
Elliot doesn't want to seem too aggressive or too judgmental. He wants Olivia to know that he cares deeply for her and that she doesn't need to resort to drugs to resolve her issues or to mask her pain.
What should I say to her?
"You feelin' okay?" Elliot asks, staring her way.
Olivia avoids his gaze initially, but Elliot keeps staring until she finally gives up her stubborn fight, their eyes meeting as she looks up at him.
He hadn't noticed before, but when looking at Olivia for a second time he sees the enlargement in her pupils, and wonders how he hadn't caught that the first time.
Olivia instantly pleads with him before Elliot even has the opportunity to question her about his missing pills.
"Elliot, please… don't do this… just let it go," Olivia whispers, staring into his eyes.
"Don't do what?" Elliot asks in a gentle tone.
"Just drop it," Olivia responds, wanting to avoid the conversation altogether. "I know I made a mistake."
"Liv, I'm worried about you," Elliot tells her. "Why...why'd ya do this?" he asks, lifting the pill bottle.
Olivia shakes her head before looking down into her lap.
"I don't know... it was stupid," she responds.
Elliot looks at her and he knows Olivia regrets it, but worries about the dangerous choices she might make later on. Is his being aware of her problem enough to prevent the same thing from happening again?
"Liv, I don't want you feeling like you have to do this to lessen your pain. There are other ways... like talking. Why didn't you just come to me?" Elliot asks.
"Elliot, I can't talk about that yet. I'm not ready," Olivia says. "And I don't want to talk about this either. It's over... it won't happen again."
Olivia looks up at Elliot, her eyes glossy and begging for Elliot to drop the subject. Her eyes are similar to a lost puppy dog's as she lifts her head to face him.
Elliot realizes that this is a painful conversation for her, but he loves and cares for her too much to simply let it go and pretend that it never happened.
"I don't understand... you've never done anything like this before. What happened, Liv? Was the pain too much?" Elliot asks.
Olivia nods her head and looks away.
"Yeah... I'm in a lot of pain, Elliot, I really am. I tried my medication and it just doesn't help me. My side hurts, my arms hurt... everything hurts," Olivia says while holding onto her forearm.
Elliot looks at her, confused. That's not the type of pain he is referring too, and he wonders if he just gave Olivia an excuse to abuse prescription drugs.
He doesn't doubt for a second that Olivia is in physical pain. He sees by the bruises on her body that she is hurting. Grant had obviously beat her, and more than once. However, Elliot knows that her bruises are not the reason for her sneaking into his pill bottle and exceeding the recommended dosage.
"I'm sorry. I should have asked you first. They're your pills," Olivia says, whispering.
Elliot can see that this conversation is switching directions, and quickly. It had begun with the issue of Olivia abusing the pills and is turning into the issue of asking for permission to use or take Elliot's things.
"Liv, I don't care about that. You know I'd let you have anything of mine," Elliot tells her. "I'm just worried about you. You can't take pills to forget your problems. That's not the answer."
"I didn't," Olivia responds. "I just told you that it was for the pain."
Elliot looks at her and shakes his head, disappointed and hurt by her lie. She had obviously forgotten that only moments ago she told him that it was all a mistake.
"Then what was 'stupid', Liv?" Elliot asks her. "What did you mean by that?"
Olivia takes a short pause, and Elliot knows that she is searching for another lie.
"I meant it was stupid for me to go in your pills without asking you," Olivia answers.
Elliot can't help but to be impressed with her clever and quick response, but he is far more hurt that she is lying to him and refusing to admit the true reason for taking his pills.
"How many did you take?" Elliot asks her. He knows that he can not let her get away with this lie and that going along with her lies will please her, but put her in greater danger. "There's a lot of pills missing here, Liv."
"I don't know," Olivia answers. "I wasn't really counting. I was hurting so I just took some. I'll be more careful next time, okay?" she says in attempt to quickly bring the conversation to an end.
"Liv, what you're doing is dangerous-" Elliot says before he's interrupted by Olivia moving off the sofa.
Olivia quickly stands to her feet. She feels trapped and feels she needs to distance herself from Elliot. She walks over to the kitchen, but Elliot follows close behind her.
"Olivia, just tell me the truth... please," Elliot says as Olivia avoids his gaze once again.
"Please stop lecturing and interrogating me, Elliot. I already told you the truth," Olivia says, searching through the brown bag on the counter and pretending to be interested in the items inside.
Elliot gently grabs her hand, and her searching ceases. He extends his hand out and turns her chin so that she is facing him.
"Olivia, please... I love you. I'm not going to think any less of you, but I need to know. We tell each other everything, Liv. Don't hide this from me, please," Elliot pleads with her.
Olivia stares into his eyes and her heart sinks when she sees that he is genuinelely hurt by her refusal to open up to him.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, nearly crying.
"It's okay, Liv," Elliot tells her. "Just tell me what happened? What made you do this?"
Olivia shrugs her shoulders and slowly shakes her head.
"I don't know... it's just easier," Olivia admits.
Elliot furrows both eyebrows and sets the bottle of pills on the kitchen counter.
"How many days have you been doing this?" Elliot asks her, his concern for her evident on his face and in his voice.
Elliot doesn't know what response he would prefer to hear. If she started taking them the first or second day they arrived back at her apartment, then that would imply that she is already making a habit of abusing the pills.
If she started taking them today or a couple days prior to this day, then that would imply that she is trying to seriously hurt herself or even worse, kill herself. Several of his pills are missing and Elliot becomes sick to his stomach when he considers the second possibility.
"I don't know," Olivia repeats. "Ten days... maybe 11."
Elliot doesn't need to think hard to realize that what she is telling him isn't adding up.
"Liv, you haven't even been back that many days," Elliot says to her.
Olivia looks up at him with watery eyes, nodding her head.
"I know," she answers before making her way back over to the sofa.
Elliot watches her, puzzled. He hesitates from saying anything to her until he realizes what Olivia had revealed to him; she had been abusing pills while being a prisoner of Grant's.
Elliot's bottom jaw drops as he begins to imagine the events that Olivia experienced.
Elliot walks to the sofa and sits beside her once again. He places his hand on Olivia's thigh and clinches his fist using the opposite hand.
His anger toward Grant is just as strong despite the fact that Grant is dead, dead due to bullets from Elliot's own gun.
Elliot wonders if Olivia searched the house she had been in for pills or if Grant used the pills to tame and manipulate her. He's afraid to ask, and he knows Olivia is not ready to talk about her fresh yet painful memories.
Elliot doesn't even need to ask. Olivia opens her mouth to speak and slowly shares a part of the hell she experienced while with Grant.
"Grant made me take them. He forced me. He said it would relax me and he was right... it did. Every other pill after that was my choice," Olivia tells him without being too descriptive.
"I don't blame you," Elliot says. "The pain was too much to handle. I know it was unbearable, Olivia. Any person in that situation would have done the same thing... but Grant's gone now, Liv. You can make it through without them. Don't let him maintain control over you."
Olivia nods her head.
It is easier said than done, she thinks.
"I know," she speaks softly to him. "I know he's dead and I know that you're here for me. I'm sorry... I was just trying to feel somewhat normal again."
Olivia is haunted by her own thoughts and memories, but doesn't mention the constant nightmares she's experiencing to Elliot because she doesn't want him any more worried for her than he already is.
The truth is, Grant terrifies her even in death. When under the influence of the powerful medication, she spaces out, her memories of Grant becoming less and less with the more pills she consumes.
She loves Elliot, but can't imagine simply talking to him having the same effect as the pills do when her mind is racing and when she hears Grant's voice in her head.
She has told victims in the past that talking helps, but now doesn't understand how she could ever give such advice.
"Let's get you into bed," Elliot says, guiding her to her room. "We'll save the movie for another night."
Olivia doesn't know what she regrets more: taking Elliot's pills or not doing anything to cover up the fact that she took them. The last thing she wants is Elliot constantly worrying for her.
She wants everything back to normal, and the fact that Elliot will now want to watch her every move is far from normal.
She knows that Elliot will now be her babysitter until he can trust her again. She needs to establish that trust.
Should I be trusted? she wonders as she thinks about the effect that the pills have on her.
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