AN: Thank you guys for the lovely reviews last chapter! It was such a reward to hear back from you guys. Also thanks for the PM's, for the people that participated in my little poll and for just being awesome all the way around. So with the end of this story coming. Some major plot twists are going to be starting in this chapter. I know the angst factor has been really high these last few chapters, and you guys are seriously the best for sticking with this...but the angst isn't going anywhere yet. In fact things are about to get darker. All the characters are coming into play now. And I've been laying my chess pieces since the beginning and now some are going to make a move. So be prepared for Dark themes in these last few chapters. I stayed up all night writing this so the end most likely isn't exactly how I want it...but I just really wanted to get this out there to you guys. Because I am both nervous and excited to unfold the last few bits of plot that I've been greedily keeping to myself. You guys are the best. And thank you so much for getting me to 900 reviews! It's more than I could've ever asked for.

-Maddie

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 25- White Halo

--Edward--

Time.

3 weeks. 21 days. 504 hours. 1,814, 400 seconds.

The weeks had passed by like black and white footage showing empty space. I was here. Physically I was here. But mentally I elsewhere. When I looked in the mirror I saw my green orbs, the dark circles underneath my eyes and the ashen coloring of my skin. I was lost in the darkness. Lost in a sea of conflicting thoughts that had shaped my life until now. I was paranoid and scared. Sad and angry. So many cataclysmic emotions were warring inside of me and I was a prisoner to them all. This pain was extreme. I just wanted...I just needed the world to stop spinning. I needed this blackness to go away. I needed light. I needed my life to be the way it used to be.

I heard footsteps right outside the door. Jake. I sat up and tried to look inconspicuous. Seconds ticked by excruciatingly slow until Jacob stepped into the dorm. I flipped to a random page in my notebook and squinted down at sloppily scribbled words and numbers. Jacob tossed his bookbag onto his bed and then walked over to me. I felt his hands slide with ease over my shoulders. He was tense. I could detect that in his touch. I was failing at making him not worry about me.

"What are you studying?" He asked softly.

My cheeks warmed feverishly. What was I studying?

"Hmm." Jacob murmured to himself as he took a seat on my bed. He looked absently around the room and then back at me. "What do I have to do to break through this the layer of thick skin?" He balled his fist and tapped it gently against my leg. "I've been trying to get in for the last three weeks but you won't give me a key. It's getting cold out here in the rain." Jacob smiled tragically. "So let me in."

My lips thinned. I hated that he was suffering because of me.

"I'm hungry for you. I miss you man. You got these walls around you, and no one can break through them." Jacob inched his hands up to mine. "I'm your boyfriend. You've always been there for me. But I don't understand why you have to shut me out the second things get hard for you?"

I stared into his warm brown eyes dripping with empathy and love.

"I'll buy you enough cheesecake to last you for days. I'll drive you anywhere you need to go to clear your head. Edward I'll do anything. Just tell me what you need. I'm not psychic so I don't know. All I do know is that you're hurting."

"I'm sorry that I've been so distant." I apologized feebly. "All of this drama with my parents...um Carlisle and Esme, has been getting to me. I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head because I'm all over the place."

"So you think that you'll sort all this out by holding it in?" Jacob clenched his jaw. "I couldn't stop drinking because I held everything in."

I winced.

"You have a support system right here." Jacob's voice trailed off. His thick eyebrows drew together. "This is an impossible situation. There is no quick fix for this Edward. But shutting everyone out and trying to be the hero is only going to hurt you in the end." Jacob scowled as if he didn't like his current train of thought. "You have people here that love you. Me. Alice. Bella. We want to help you. We love you. So stop trying to push us away."

"I want to let you in, but I can't even describe what I'm feeling right now." My fingers tightened in his shirt.

"When you first found out that you were adopted..." Jacob started.

"I wasn't adopted." I corrected. "Esme and Carlisle only had custody of me until my real mom or dad decided they wanted me back. But Elizabeth died of cancer and I have no idea who my real dad is." I laughed bitterly. "Who knows maybe I knew him too! I could've because Carlisle and Esme are such fantastic liars."

"Ed," Jacob wrapped his hand around my wrist. His voice was soft and cautious. "Don't do that to yourself right now."

"It's true. Anything is possible now Jake." I looked down at my trembling hands.

"Have you talked to them at all?" Jacob asked.

"I talked to Esme a little bit." My hands still shook uncontrollably. Jacob placed his hands over mine. I had been so excited about having a new brother or sister. But now I felt ridiculous about being excited for a baby that wasn't even related to me. I was just a person that lived with the Cullen's. A person who wasn't their son. A person on the edge of breaking in half. I needed to change the direction of my thoughts "How did studying go for finals?" The transition was rough. Jacob looked back at me confused.

"I didn't study for finals."

"What?" I croaked

"I can't study for finals. All I can think about is you. So there's your incentive to open up to me. If you keep shutting me out like this then it's going to be inevitable. I'm going to flunk all my finals and end up living in a cardboard box next to Andy Dick."

I frowned at the horrid thought.

His eyes were pleading. "I really don't want to talk about school. With all this silence between us I've had a lot of time to think about everything I should say. What I should do to make you feel better. How I should support you and show you with words or without them that I'm here. But I eventually realized that I can only do as much as you allow me to do. I can't force you to let me in. I can't force you to feel better, and even worse I can't force you to see that you're still the same person. You're Edward. And I'm crazy about you. Literally crazy you."

I moved my mouth to side as I slowly brought my eyes to his again.

"The way you make me feel has nothing to do with the blood running through your veins. I fell in love with you for you. Your heart and your soul. The way you cheered me up. The selflessness that defines you. I fell in love with that." Jacob looked down and shook his head. "You fought for me. You were always in my corner when I needed someone, and I'm here. I'm sober. Because of you. So I'm not going anywhere. Because when you love someone that's what you do. That's how it's supposed to be. You don't give up just because times are hard. You stay." Jacob touched my face and he nodded slowly.

His words were so intense and the tone in his voice was inescapable. In his eyes I saw the intoxication of his undying love. Seeing me like this was killing him, but his passion, the addicting love that he felt for me, which was beyond obsession and need, it was survival, kept him in the ring.

Shutting him out wasn't the right way to deal with this. I didn't want to speak right away because speaking was worse than thinking. Speaking. Voicing the dark thoughts in my head would be like setting this dorm room ablaze. I wrapped his arm around me and nestled into the safety of his chest. I found comfort in his embrace. I was broken. Shattered into a trillion sharp splinters on the black marble, and Jacob was on the floor trying to put me back together, even though he kept on getting cut.

I thought about everything we went through last semester. Jacob grew so much, and so did I. He risked everything for me. His family, his friends, everything he ever knew, for me. That was a hell of a sacrifice. So why was it so difficult for me to share my fears and frustrations? I searched the darkest corners of my soul for the answer. And then I realized that I didn't have any control. I couldn't regulate my emotions because they changed so frequently. I was unsure and filled with questions. I had no control over anything. Not over fate, death, or reason.

Elizabeth was dead. She was dead. And my real father probably didn't want me either. A part of me wanted to take the blame off Esme and Carlisle because if it wasn't for them I could be in a worse situation now. They gave me everything I ever needed. Everything but the truth. Out of all the self-inflicted cuts I had psychologically carved these last few weeks, the eighteen year lie had caused the most pain.

"I have an idea." Jacob said drumming his hands on his jeans. "You need a safe place."

"A safe place?"

"The one place where all your troubles just melt away." Jacob stood up. "I'll be back in an hour. Stay here. Don't go anywhere."

I nodded again. "Okay."

An hour later Jacob returned. I was laying on my bed watching back-to-back episodes of Family Matters and The George Lopez Show. Comedy shows were like Chicken Noodle Soup for the soul right now. Despite how emotionally exhausted I felt I did manage a few genuine laughs with Steve Urkel. Laughing felt good because I was tired of the miserable company I had been keeping. Jacob dropped down onto his knees and pulled out what looked like a small tent.

"I used to sleep in this all the time when I was eight. It was like my own little house." Jacob smiled at me. "I found this in the attic the night you stayed over my house. I'm pleased to show you the peace tent. It's making a comeback like Brent's unibrow."

I sat up with an amused smirk. "The peace tent?"

"Oh yeah." Jacob nodded with a calming smile. "Whenever I used to get mad at my parents or sisters I would go in here and tell them that I was never coming out again. I was stubborn enough to stay in here for hours. Eventually my mom or Rachel would come and sit in the tent with me. They would talk to me, or read something and that always did the trick." Jacob's cheeks flushed scarlet. "I know the peace tent won't solve everything but I also brought food."

"I really didn't expect you to come back with a tent Jake." I smiled and looked down. "Only you."

"Well this is an emergency so I have to use all my resources." Jacob gestured towards the tent. "Check out the interior. It's falling apart from the inside. But I still think it will do its job."

"Let's see." To oblige Jacob I ducked inside. He was right. The tent wasn't pretty at all. Jacob came in a few seconds later with a flashlight, some paper plates and a brown bag filled with food. Now that I smelled the shrimp fried rice, and General Tso's chicken I remembered how hungry I was. My eating habits had also suffered along with my communication, studying, and life in general.

"I used to sit on top of the roof." I said.

"Huh?" Jacob asked. His brown eyes registered an insatiable thirst for me to explain. Some communication was clearly better than none at all.

"Whenever I got upset, or I just wanted to be alone, I sat on top of the roof. My dad...I mean Carlisle would come up there sometimes and sit with me." I racked my hands through my hair. The light cast a soft golden glow on one side of Jacob's face and left the other side in shadow. "I never had a tent though...with such horrible colors."

Jacob playfully swatted my arm. "Don't diss the tent it's like sacred." He started to serve food for both of us. "You don't have to force it. Talking to your parents I mean. You'll know when your ready. But eventually you will want answers."

"Elizabeth is the person I need to talk to. But she's dead." I scowled. "My real dad is probably dead too."

"I think that it's too early to think about that." Jacob reasoned.

"Well it's part of what's been going on in my head. You asked."

Jacob nodded in surrender. "I saw Alice earlier today. She asked me how you were doing."

"She did? But we just hung out yesterday."

"Yeah. But you didn't really talk to her."

"Have I been that bad?"

"Yeah Edward. You have." Jacob handed me a plastic fork. "Eat."

"Thanks for not giving up on me." I said quietly. "I know it sounds ridiculous given everything we've gone through, but I've always internalized everything and handled my issues in my own way. I've been selfish. Even if I had trouble expressing myself I should've never shut you out."

Jacob smiled and leaned forward to give me a hug. "You don't have to thank me for that. I'm your boyfriend. But there is one thing I can't forgive you for." He narrowed his eyes.

My eyebrows drew together. "What?"

"Last week. Rebecca."

"Oh," I gave him a small guilty smile. Last week Rebecca had called Jacob at least a dozen times and he had ignored every phone call. I knew that Jacob wanted to talk to Rebecca, but he stubbornly pretended like he didn't want to. She left him a text message telling him that she would be in town this week and that she would love it if they could catch up. I took the liberty of replying back to one of Rebecca's text messages, which in return set up a hang out date for Rebecca and Jacob tomorrow.

"Tomorrow isn't going to be that bad. She's your sister, and you guys should talk."

Jacob nodded slowly. "I ignored her calls because I don't want to be her convenient brother. Yes, I love her, but Rachel has been there for me more than she has." He shrugged. "Eat Edward. I know you're hungry."

Alice's POV

Alice Cullen looked down at her watch as she walked towards McKeldin Library. When she looked up she saw a group of guys playing soccer on the lawn. One of those guys was Jasper Whitlock. He was a formidable opponent. He was swift. Jasper was clearly the guy that would've been chosen first to be on teams in high school. It took here a few seconds to realize that Jasper had stopped playing. Now he was waving at her. Her heart skipped a beat. Why the hell did she stop to watch him? Alice put on a smile, the brightest smile she had given in days, and waved back. The way she felt about Jasper, the lovesick stirrings that consumed her emotions had to be put to an end. She couldn't love a guy that belonged to someone else.

Alice always thought Jasper was a decent guy. He was confident, but yet nervous when around her, strong, but yet boyishly charming. Underneath each layer of complexity and beauty there was an unspoken mystery that she had longed to understand. His eyes were so soft and tortured, and she could never forget the day she saw him in school all bruised up. Alice had wanted to ask him the truth. She wanted to know what really happened to him, because she knew he was hiding something. And it was more than the fact that he had a girlfriend. She just wished that he could've at least been honest about that.

She swiped her chestnut hair from her face. Alice looked away from Jasper and kept walking. Life had been so painful these last few weeks so there was no need to complicate it. Alice crossed her arms close to her chest. In the airport she told Edward that she had been jealous of Jacob because of the way he broke down Edward's walls. But that jealousy subsided when she saw how much Edward grew with Jacob. He became more comfortable and open. Edward changed right in front of her eyes and that was the most beautiful, heart-rending thing she had witnessed in her life. But now he was right back where he started.

She doubted that she could ever find the words to tell him this but Alice had started Haven for him. Back in high school she used to always worry about what was going on in his head. He was so silent and distant and the thought of him keeping his silence and suffering alone killed her. She bit her lip and looked down at the sidewalk. The fading sun lit her path. Thinking about Jacob consoling Edward right now gave her some relief.

McKeldin was crammed with students. Alice searched around hopefully for a space. She did a silent cheer when she spotted an empty spot beside Bella and Edward's friend Emmett McCarty. He was listening to his Ipod and singing out loud.

"Yes I can see her. 'Cause every girl in here want to be her. Oh she's a diva." He sung.

A few people rolled their eyes and some even turned to glare at him. But Emmett seemed oblivious to it all. In fact he was dancing in his seat. He winked at a guy who was watching him.

Alice smiled. He was wild. Emmett turned to look at her. He tilted his head up in greeting and then he went back to his disruptive song and dance.

"What the fuck? Why does that dude always have to create a disturbance in the library?" A girl sitting right behind Emmett snapped. She turned in her seat just so she could sneer at the back of his head.

Emmett casually pulled out his earphones and turned to look at the girl. "Are you paying the bills here cheddar cheese teeth? If the answer is no then why don't you stop giving me nightmares and put a toothbrush to that snaggletooth. 'Cause your breath smells like garbage juice." Emmett snickered. " Now let me study. God I'm trying to get a good education here and you people keep disturbing me."

A librarian with a tight braid down her back and a fanny pack strolled over to Emmett like her heels were on fire. She crossed her arms and strutted out her leg like she meant business.

"Emmett McCarty." She snarled.

"Hey mamacita. What's going on with you? Mmm...that fanny pack makes me wanna do naughty things." Emmett bit his full lips and looked her up and down like he was interested.

"How many times do I have to go over with you. There are plenty of street corners where you can act out you hooligan tendencies. This is the library."

"I've been banned from all the street corners." Emmett shrugged. "Apparently public nudity is frowned upon even in the darkest allies."

"Leave now."

"You can't kick me out." Emmett insisted. "Freedom of speech Fanny Pack. I know my rights. I'm paying to go to this school just like everybody else here."

"I can kick you out, and I can do one better." She took a step forward. Her tone was harsh but her eyes were trained on Emmett's pants. "I can get you banned from the library as well. Now turn off that music and go."

Emmett wrinkled his nose. "Mama why don't you just loosen that tight braid a little bit? Mr. Em is a lover. He likes to shake things up." Emmett stood up with a dimpled smile fit for an angel. "C'mon baby you know you want to kick back and have a little fun. Show me what's in your fanny pack." Emmett wagged his eyebrows. "And I'll show you with mine. It starts with P and rhymes with penis. Oh wait...that's not right. Opps."

She stepped back. Her face reddened and the wild look in her eyes hit new extremes.

"Don't hate on me just 'cause you want to hit this." Emmett sung. "You bring the salt, I got the pepper, mix it together, and you'll see I'm down for whatever. Cougars, dudes...twins."

"Ohh!" she gasped. "I'm calling campus security!" The librarian squeaked. She then cleared her throat in an attempt to deepen her voice. "I hope they give you a good..."

Alice walked over to Emmett because the librarian's threat didn't seem to bother him in the least. "I think she is serious about calling campus security on you."

The mischief etched on Emmett's face gradually faded away. "Well hello there half of the wonder twins. You're not my favorite one. But I guess you'll do."

The librarian stood behind Emmett staunchly.

"How is Edward anyways?" He asked completely ignoring Fanny Pack.

Alice looked down. "He's..." Before she could answer she noticed a guy quickly walking towards them. "Emmett, campus security is coming."

Emmett pumped his fists. "Sweet. The thrill of the chase." His eyes stayed on Alice for a little longer. "By the way you can have my seat. Caution though that girl behind me...her breath smells like gasoline and chicken grease. Don't ask how. It just does. So don't like a match because breath like that is a fire hazard."

"There he is!" The librarian suddenly screamed. She pointed at Emmett "Roast his ass! Really punish him. I want to see it!"

The librarian's eyes were crazed and bulging like she wanted blood. Emmett ran off laughing like a misbehaved child. His shorts dropped a little. Alice saw a flash of white skin. Emmett wasn't wearing any underwear. She looked away with a disbelieving smile. What a character.

The crazy librarian fanned herself wildly. "That boy is the nastiest most vile excuse for a human being I've ever seen in my life. Someone needs to teach him a lesson with whips and handcuffs."

Alice's eyes widened. She turned around to look at the librarian. She wasn't the only one looking.

The librarian cleared her throat and quickly walked away. "Carry on now. The trash has been put out." She quickly slinked away.

Alice laughed to herself as she took a seat at Emmett's table. He had left a book behind. At least she suspected it was his. Alice looked down at the MCAT book. She flipped to the first page. Emmett had signed his name in what looked like sheer boredom. And he had a giant heart on the first page. She smiled in confusion. Alice tucked the book in her bag. She would give it to Bella or Edward to give to Emmett later. Okay now she needed to focus. Alice took in a deep breath and then removed her books from her bag.

She massaged her temples as she attempted to get into the studying mindset. But naturally Jasper Whitlock flashed into her mind. Alice balled her hand against her cheek. Her heart fluttered at the thought of him on the field bathed in the last remnants of sunlight. She heard him talking to her in the back of her head. He stumbled over his sentences and always had a nervous smile. Alice sadly placed her hand to her heart. He filled her with so much love and he didn't even have the slightest clue. But he had a girlfriend. He was in a relationship. That was enough to stop this. Alice shook her head. Her dark hair fell into her eyes. She looked down at her watch. She had wasted fifteen minutes angsting over a love that would never be.

"Can I sit here?"

"Sure," Alice said before looking up. She tucked her hair behind her ears. Get it together Alice. When she looked up to give the girl a kind smile her heart froze. It was her. Jasper's girlfriend. Alice looked down in an attempt to hide the blatant surprise.

"Is something wrong sweetie?" The other girl asked. A giant clock was hanging on the wall right behind her head. The arms were frozen, and the red needle that counted seconds ticked unsteadily between 5 and 6. The hairband in the blonde's hair was an attention grabbing shade of scarlet.

"Oh no. Nothing's wrong." Alice said quickly.

"Then what was the stank look for...sweetie."

Alice's eyebrows furrowed. "I didn't..."

"No you did." The blonde stared back at her with unblinking eyes. There was malice in her blank expression. Her lips slowly pulled into a chilling smile. "I'm sorry." She laughed and placed her hand to her chest. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable."

Alice nodded slowly. "I'm not uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I accidentally looked at you the wrong way."

"It's okay sweetie. You were just surprised that's all."

Alice felt this uncomfortable pang vibrate in her ears every time the blonde called her sweetie. She didn't like it.

The other girl took a few books from her white and black striped bag and placed them on the table. "I think I know why you looked at me like that." She looked down. Her eyes were cold and calculating like she had lost her soul somewhere along the way. "There are so many plain faces in this school that they sometimes blur together. But your plain face..."

"Excuse me." Alice snipped. "Why are you insulting me."

"Sweetie."

"Don't call me sweetie." Alice said with an edge to her voice.

"I'm sorry. Cupcake." She tapped her white polished nails on the desk.

Alice shook her head. She wasn't going to play this game. "You can have this table."

"No. Why are you running?" The blonde asked with troubling hint of excitement in her voice.

Alice decided not to answer her.

"Jasper Whitlock. That's how I know you. Now you want to stay don't you?" The girl smiled wickedly.

Alice pulled her purse on her shoulders and quickly stood up.

"Wait! Wait!" The girl exclaimed.

Alice walked quickly. She tore through the throngs of people. The blonde was on her heels. Alice promised herself that she wasn't going to get upset because this girl clearly wanted a reaction. But why? She was dating Jasper. So she already had everything.

"I'm sorry that I unintentionally hurt you. I didn't mean to make you storm out like that. Princess." The girl kept pace right behind Alice. "He didn't tell me that you even existed until after we fucked. I know it sucks to be second best but honestly Cupcake you can't hate me because he thought you were an ugly ass fucking slut."

Alice whirled around. The wind swept around her blowing strands of hair into her face. For the first time she actually looked at the girl. The girl was about the same height as her. The girl in black, with the crimson headband, and the cruelest eyes she had seen in her life. There was something tragic about this girl. This girl attacked her for no reason. Clearly she was insecure with herself. She felt threatened which was why she had to attack Alice. To try and bring her down.

The girl smiled wickedly as if she had won. "I fucked him and it was so fucking good. But you know what." The wicked girl took a step closer. "After I rode him I realized how worthless he was to me. For such a hot guy he sure does have a little dick. But do you want to know something else?" She grinned. "And I'm not even talking about his dick."

"No." Alice said slowly. She took a step closer to the girl. "I don't want to hear another word from you."

"What?"

How could she be such an idiot?

"You didn't sleep with Jasper."

"Yes I did."

Alice looked down at her. "No you didn't sleep with him. Because he has a soul. And just listening to you...I don't know that much about Jasper, but I do know that he would never..." Alice swallowed searching for the right words. "He would never contaminate himself with someone so repulsive. He's better than that. He's way better than you. I've just talked to you for a few minutes at the most, and already I've seen the ugliest person I have ever seen in my life. Whatever you were trying to accomplish. You failed." Alice said disgust. "Now leave me alone."

The girl balled her fists.

Alice shrugged and walked away with her head held high.

The sun disappeared behind a thick mass of clouds. Darkness was rolling in.

"Alice!" Jasper yelled.

She stopped and looked down the mall towards him. His smile was hopeful even though she had all but ignored him earlier. She felt ridiculous for coming to the assumption that he was dating that blonde. Maybe subconsciously she was just trying to protect her heart. He ran over to her this time, as if to say that he wouldn't allow her to escape again.

"Hey." Jasper waved and then he clumsily slipped over his sneakers. He went crashing into Alice. She smiled and gripped onto his strong arms slicked with sweat. Where is your grace, agility, and power now? Alice let go of his arms and wrapped him into a hug. She didn't deserve this hug because she had been so horribly wrong. Jasper smelled like sweat, grass, and soap. Alice closed her eyes and found peace in this embrace. She felt like he could fade away any second until his hands trailed through her hair.

"Jazz did you tell her yet? Did you tell her the truth?"

Alice rolled her eyes and leaned away from Jasper. The wicked blonde was still following her. What the fuck was wrong with her? Was she crazy or something? Clearly she was. She had to be.

"Jane." Jasper growled. "Leave. Us. Alone."

Alice risked a glance at Jane from the safety of Jasper's arms. The girl looked like she was on the verge of crying. She looked away sullenly as if she lost the will, and then something dark flickered in her eye. The sky was on fire behind her. Red. Gold. Orange. Wisps of blonde hair danced in Jane's heart shaped face and then she turned back to look at them.

"Did you tell her about you dad?" Jane asked calmly like she was inviting Jasper out for tea.

"Jane." Jasper hissed. There was an underlying pleading tone in his voice.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jane yelled suddenly. "She should know."

Alice pulled out of Jasper's arms. "Leave him alone."

Jane looked at as if she was nothing. "Remember his bruises..." Jane sneered. "Remember how bruised he was! Someone did that to him. He let someone hit him. Like a little bitch."

Jasper started to shake. His face reddened. "Stop! Alice don't listen to her. She's lying."

"I'm lying huh? His father beat the shit out of him. Oh he really fucked him up good. He hit him! He hit him! He really fucked him up..."

Alice watched in horror as tears collected in Jasper's eyes. Tears and rage.

Jane laughed but she was also crying. "You're so weak Jasper. You're so fucking weak! I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you!"

Alice's hand shot forward and she slapped Jane soundly across the face.

"Oh shit!" someone yelled. "Sounds like she cracked that bitch's skull!"

Alice's hands stung like livewire was shooting from the tips. She saw stars for a few seconds. Jane looked back at her horrified, and for a second it looked like Jane would either hit her back or start crying. Alice stepped in front of Jasper protectively. "Don't you ever..." she was shaking so badly that she couldn't find the words to finish her threat.

Jane's eyes darkened. "You're going to wish that you didn't do that." With that she quickly walked away holding her hand to her face.

Alice looked down at her hand.

"Alice I'm sorry." Jasper apologized his voice was shaking.

"No," she said trying not to think about what Jane said. Alice looked into Jasper's eyes. "Are you okay?"

He remained silent. He wasn't.

"I have to go." Jasper went to walk away from her but Alice grabbed his hand.

Thunder rumbled in the sky. For a second the world paused. The world was so dark, and the air was escaping. Something truly terrifying lingered in the air. A haunting silence crippled this maddening world filled with love and hate. Grey and Black skies. Shades of red and blue. Ticking time. Fading Fast. Light dwindling. Peace might not last. Her thoughts were scattered and troubling. Like the deep flush of Jasper's skin contrasted with the troubling sadness in his eyes.

The wind swept his golden hair across his forehead. He was thoughtful and disturbed.

Everything was spinning. We're falling. We're all falling. Alice closed her eyes. She released Jasper's fingers, one by one, until nothing held them together. He was free to go. The storm clouds rolled in with force. More thunder. He stayed where he was. "Talk to me. Or if you don't want to talk to me...can I please talk to you? I just need someone to talk to because..." Alice bit her lip. This was so pathetic. "Everything is falling apart and I just need someone to talk to. I'm sorry Jasper. I shouldn't have said anything. You can go."

Jasper's eyes were still sad. But he reached out and he took her hand.

Jane's POV

"What the hell took you so long?" Jane growled as Alec got into her car.

Alec looked back at her apologetically. "I was supposed to meet Edward at McKeldin but he canceled on me again." Alec bit his lip thoughtfully. "I hope he's okay? Because this isn't like him to keep canceling."

"Alec just shut up. I don't want to talk right now!" Jane hissed. Her eyes stung with the treat of tears. Her heart raced uncontrollably and she had no idea how to stop it. She wanted to cry and scream, kick and bleed, and even worse she had this malicious need to hurt Alice Cullen in unspeakable ways. She hurt so much. Jane closed her eyes. That stupid fucking BITCH!

Jane's arms shook. Her clammy hands tightened on the wheel. She felt the hot tears spilling down her cheeks. The tears of defeat. Despite her best intentions the wickedness buried deep inside her soul won. She tried to push Jasper away. She tried but in the end the extreme love she felt for him, the unreasonable love, that was cursed and beautiful in the same breath made her hurt him.

She lashed out and took advantage of him. She had done to him what she had done to so many others. The look on his face. Oh god the look on his face. Jane placed her hand to her mouth. She just wanted to cry. How could she do that to him? How could she! She was a monster. She was disgusting. Oh god. Alec looked at her with cautious eyes. Jane didn't want him to see her break down like this. She had to get home. "Don't fucking look at me!" she screamed.

"Jane what's wrong?" Alec asked.

"Don't look at me. Stop! Stop!" she screamed. Jane had to kill these thoughts. She wildly turned the wheel. Alec wasted no time in fumbling for his seatbelt. Oh god she just wanted to die. How could she do that to Jasper. How could she fucking do that to him! Fuck! The tears gushed down her cheeks as she beeped the horn at every student that dared to use the crosswalk. Once she was on Route 1, Jane sped like a demon fleeing the gates of hell. Alec held onto the door with white knuckles.

"Jane please just slow down."

But she didn't see him. She couldn't hear Alec. She was alone. She saw fire. Violent disturbing images. Her parents burning. Being locked in that psych ward against her will. Frowns. Laughter. Cruel people. Wicked thoughts. Love. And then taking that love and setting it on fire. She was a monster. A wicked, despicable human being that just sat back and watched everything burn. She watched as the ashes flew, she danced in those ashes, laughing at all the pain. She was a bitch. A cold calculating bitch. Jane started to cry again. Her shoulders heaved weakly. How could she do that? How could she be so cruel to Jasper?

She slammed her foot down on the gas pedal in desperate need to get away. They were on 95 now. Jane didn't care. She didn't care about anything at all. Nothing. No one. She hated them all. She hated everything. Hate was safer than love. It hurt less. And of all the things she hated, she hated Alice Cullen the most. Jane's face twisted. She hated her! She fucking hated that stupid bitch.

Jane couldn't even see the road. Thunder rumbled in the sky. Darkness. Everything was Dark. Violent and Lost. She'd cut out her heart if that was the only way to get rid of this love, this disgusting love that monopolized her and turned her into this person.

"Jane!" Alec yelled. "Stop!" he cried.

"I hate her!" Jane screamed back at him. But what she really meant was I hate myself. She wasn't Alice. And she never could be her. She didn't have a smile that could incite joy in Jasper, and she was far from pretty. Jane was less than everything he wanted. Less than he deserved. Even with all this reason she still felt so much hate and anger.

A large truck moved at a deathly slow pace up ahead. Jane swerved wildly to the right. All she saw were red lights. Red lights everywhere. People slammed on their breaks. The sky was so dark. The world was blackening out. This was the final night. The end of everything. The sea of angry red lights brought her back down. They were angry and they were watching her...watching her and laughing.

The wind whipped through her hair. The top was down. She felt like she was flying. The road was hers. Jane swung into the left lane. Her problems were so far behind her now. They were gone. Jasper and Alice. All that pain. Everything. They were behind her. It was okay if she hurt him. It was fucking okay. Because he HURT her! All she ever wanted to do was help him. She wanted to fix him. She wanted to love him. But he rejected her. He choose Alice and he kicked her aside like she was trash.

She HATED him. Stupid Jasper. Stupid fucking Jasper. She hated him!

Something truly wicked crept into her thoughts. She had seen it before. But this time the scene played out differently. There was a little boy and a shadow man locked in a room with faces. Faces depicting love, lies, heartbreak, sadness, joy, death. She was in the room with the little boy and the shadow man...that evil man who loomed at least eight feet tall with red eyes and sharp teeth. The man who wanted to hurt the little boy with the golden hair and the frightened blue eyes.

Jasper. In her dreams that little boy was Jasper. The man. That devilish man was standing over him. He was so tall and Jasper was so small. In her dreams Jane watched in horror as the wicked man struck Jasper repeatedly. She used to wake up screaming at the top of her lungs. No! Leave him alone! He's just a kid. Leave him alone! Get your filthy hands off of him! Don't touch him...don't touch him. Please stop hurting Jasper. And then it would stop.

The little boy. Jasper would be left scared and confused on the floor. His arms wrapped tightly around his small body, and she would hold him in her arms. She would keep him safe from this cruel world. She would protect him with her life...her honor...her love. But now as she sped down 95, narrowly avoiding trucks and pain, her nightmares, took a different course. The wicked man was back. He was beating Jasper again; he was so vicious and cruel. Jasper cried out in pain.

Stop. Leave him alone. Please? Don't hurt him.

But when she looked across the room she saw Alice Cullen. She was the only light in this dark horrific room, and Jane was in the dark, watching with tears in her eyes, wanting and needing to feel less. Less pain. Less love. More hate.

Jasper's face twisted in pain. Jane felt afraid for him. She wanted to save him. She wanted to. But something kept her in the background. Something kept her from moving. It was the darkness. She kept watching until she felt nothing at all. Eventually the man, the wicked shadow, with the red eyes and sharp teeth stopped his assault, and Jasper was on the ground. He was dead. And she felt...she felt...

"Ahh!" Alec hollered. "Jane please!"

She yanked the wheel hard to the right and the tires spun wildly. Smoke clouded the night air, and the car stopped abruptly in front of a sign.

"Jane what the fuck!" Alec cried. "You stupid fucking bitch! You stupid fucking bitch..."

Jane bowed her head and brought her hands to her eyes. Tears fell but she started to laugh. Not because this was funny, but because something was wrong. She imagined Jasper's father killing him and she did nothing. She did nothing! Jane threw her head back and laughed like a crazy woman bleeding on the inside.

When you keep things inside the pain eats away at you. Your skeleton's starting to show.

"You almost killed us and you think this is funny!" Alec cried.

"It's all falling apart Alec." Jane said slowly. "Everything. It's happening again. Time it's running out. I feel it. I feel it."

Alec looked away from her angrily. His chest rose up and down slowly. "You almost killed us. Obviously something is wrong." He spoke slowly as if she was incapable of understanding the magnitude of her actions.

"What isn't wrong with me?" she whispered. A few moments ago it felt like absolutely nothing mattered. Not her life. Not her brother's life. Nothing. But now she saw the horror in his eyes. The look that questioned her sanity. The same look her Uncle Aro gave her before he shipped her off to the psych ward.

Irrevocably damaged.

"You drive." Jane said softly. "I can't anymore. I just can't."

Long Island, New York

8th grade

Jane spread out the cheerleading uniform on her bed. She couldn't believe that she actually made the team. There was a knock on the door. "Come in," she called. The door creaked open and Alec poked his smiling face inside. His blonde hair glowed in the effervescent white light that filled the room. "I made the team." She gushed.

"I see." Alec gave her a thumbs up of approval. "Jane I was wondering if you could help me with something."

"Sure. What's up?"

Alec pulled a box of hair dye from behind his back. "I thought I would try something new?"

"You want to change your hair color? I like your blonde hair." Jane said grabbing a fistful of his bangs.

Alec swatted her hands away. "Well I don't."

She bit her lip slightly offended. "Did you ask mom and dad?"

"Ask them?" Alec frowned. "Why would I ask them? I'm old enough to make my own decisions, and we're going to high school next year. I want a change. I want to try something new and it's not a big deal. So will you help me or not?"

"Um sure?"

"Thanks sis." Alec walked into her bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and racked his hands through his golden shag.

Jane took the time to read the instructions. About thirty minutes later the dark brown hair dye washed down the sink, swirling in a mesmerizing circle around the drain before it was swallowed down into the dark abyss. Jane grabbed a towel and dried Alec's hair. "Wow," she said as she stared back at the new boy in front of her.

Alec smiled. "How do I look?"

"You look like someone else."

"Sweet." Alec took the towel from her hands and ran it through his hair. The sunlight followed him onto Jane's bed.

She took a seat beside him. Her eyes remained on his new hair do. The light in his eyes had disappeared and he now looked troubled by something. Did he already regret dying his hair "Allie what's wrong?"

"I hate when you call me that." He said with a soft smile. "It's no better than when I call you Janey remember?"

Jane smiled and nodded slowly. "Memo to me. Stop calling you Allie."

Alec racked his hands through his hair. "There is something that I want to tell you. I've wanted to tell you for a while but I couldn't because..." He looked down and a dark strand fell in his eyes. "I'm seeing someone."

Jane's eyes widened. "What? Really?" she clapped her hands. "Yay."

Alec's lips tightened. "I wouldn't celebrate just yet." He balled his fists. "It's not just anyone."

Jane's eyebrows furrowed. "Is it an older woman?"

"That's the problem." He clutched his fists. "It isn't a woman Jane. I'm in a relationship with a guy."

It took a few moments for the news to sink in. Alec was gay? Before she could speak he started to cry.

"I know you probably hate me now. Because you might think it's sick and disgusting like mom and dad most likely will." He buried his face in his hands. "I just needed to tell someone. And since we're so close I thought I could trust you."

"Alec..." Jane speechlessly pulled herself up. "I um..." his shoulders heaved. She couldn't find the right words fast enough so Jane pulled him into a tight hug. Alec stopped crying shortly after she hugged him.

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

Jane's blonde hair tangled in with strands of his dark hair as she pulled away. "Alec of course I still love you!"

He kept her body close to his in a tight hug. "I want you to meet him."

"But Alec I just found out about this. Don't you want to talk first?"

"We can talk. I want that." He held Jane's hand. "But I want him to meet my amazing sister first. Thanks for accepting me. It means everything to me." Alec wiped at the last of his tears. "He's on his way Jane."

Alice's POV

Alice stepped into her dorm and closed the door. Bella was sitting at her desk and jotting down notes. Alice took a seat on Bella's bed. "Is it okay if Jasper comes over for a little bit?"

"Jasper?" Bella sat up interested. "I thought you had hopped off the Jasper train in search for another southern cowboy? What did he do to bring about the change of heart?"

"I was wrong." Alice confessed vaguely. "I'll fill you in later. I promise."

Bella nodded in understanding. "Jasper can come over here whenever he wants. Do you need me to leave so you crazy kids can have some space?"

"No."

"Alice?" Bella said seriously. "Hot southern boy in your room. You would be crazy not to take advantage of the situation. And besides it's the shy boys that you have to watch out for. Because shy boys are the nastiest."

Despite her current mood Alice managed a small smile. That didn't sound like a typical Bella statement. "And how would you be privy to that kind of information?"

"I'm not but Emmett is." Bella slid on her flip-flops. "I'll leave you two lovebirds be."

"Bells."

"Yes Allie."

"I want to go talk to Edward first. So do you think you could stay here with Jazz until I come back. I know it's asking a lot but I would really appreciate it."

Bella raised her hand silencing Alice. "I'll do my best at awkward conversation."

"Thank you." Alice gave Bella a tight hug.

"Tell Edward I said hi okay?" Bella said.

Alice nodded. "I will." She went to the door where Jasper was waiting patiently. "I'll be right back Jazz."

He nodded. Jasper hadn't said much to her since their confrontation with psycho Jane. Alice was still disturbed by the whole situation, but she had other pressing matters commanding her attention, specifically Edward. He was all that mattered. She walked in a cloud of thoughts to the boy's dorm room.

Alice knocked on the door, her eyes scanned over their dry erase board.

Ed loves Jake more than cheesecake!

She paused and a smile crossed her face. That had to be the cheesiest thing she ever heard, but it made her smile because Edward wrote that.

"It's open!" Jacob yelled.

Alice stepped inside still smiling. Her smile fell when she saw the tent. "What the hell?"

Jacob poked his head outside. "Oh hey Alice."

"Hey?"

"I can explain. Come in." Jacob said.

Alice laughed a little as she ducked inside. She saw Edward slouched against a pillow. "It smells like General Tso's chicken in here."

"Cause we have some on tap." Jacob arched his eyebrows. "You're welcome to the buffet if you haven't eaten dinner yet."

"No thanks Jake." Alice went over to Edward and lightly touched his shoulder. "Hey you."

"Hey," He sat up and gave her a hug.

She rubbed his back. "Did you eat something? How are you sleeping? You look so tired."

"Yes and yes. Mom." He said softly.

Alice's mouth dropped a little. "Mom." Edward looked away because obviously he didn't want her to carry on the joke. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"No it's okay. It's not your fault. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me." Edward said.

"Do you guys need some time alone?" Jacob asked.

"No we don't." Alice folded her legs underneath her. Edward closed his eyes so all she could see was the pale lavender coloring of his eyelids. "I just wanted to check up on my brother that's all." Alice felt sad because Edward still didn't want to talk. When would he be ready? It had been three weeks. "I guess I'll go Edward."

"I love you Alice." He said out of the blue. Edward opened his eyes, and she stared into the green deepness. "We'll talk tomorrow I promise. And I'll watch back-to-back Audrey Hepburn movies with you. I'll even choose them. Breakfast at Tiffany's and Funny Face."

At least he was trying. That was better than nothing at all.

"Just having you talk to me is enough." She said honestly. "I don't care about blocks of Audrey Hepburn movies. I just miss talking to you." Alice felt the threat of tears.

Edward nodded and closed his eyes again. "Tomorrow we'll talk."

Alice gave him a parting kiss on the cheek. "Jake can I talk to you for a second?" she whispered.

Jacob nodded. "I'll be right back Ed Monkey."

After one last look at her twin brother Alice walked out into the hallway. Jacob closed the door behind him.

"So how is he?"

Jacob nodded slowly. "He's doing...better."

"Is he at least talking to you?"

"A little."

Alice exhaled.

"So how about you? How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"Yes you're the only other person in the hall with me Allie."

She laughed. "I'm just great." Alice thought about Jane and she shook her head. "It's just one of those days where you know tomorrow has to be better...it just has to be."

"Hugs are free you know."

Jacob's comment took her off guard. She wasn't expecting him to offer a hug. But how could she not accept. Jacob was so light. Alice smiled and accepted Jacob's hug. He made her feel like everything was going to be okay. Almost.

"Sorry that took so long." Alice apologized as she took a seat on her bed.

"That's okay." Jasper said softly.

Alice gave him a small smile. "Can I get you anything. Water? Juice?"

"No no I'm good."

Alice swallowed. "I'm sure you're tired." Her eyes wandered over his tee shirt, yellow soccer socks, and mesh shorts. "All that physical exertion." She wasn't making any sense. "FYI my communication skills really suck right now."

"Mine always suck." Jasper whispered. His cheeks reddened and he looked down at her comforter. "Alice..." He closed his eyes. "I'm really sorry about Jane. I'm embarrassed that she did that to you."

"Don't apologize for her." Alice watched as pale blue lightening flashed outside. "The rain is probably going to start soon."

Jasper frowned.

"You can stay here if you like."

"I um..."

"You have before. It's not your first time Jasper."

"Alice I stink."

"I guess soccer will do that to you." Alice nodded. "But I have a quick fix." She went over to her closet. A pink boa fell down from her top shelf.

"Woah...what is that." Jasper asked turning towards her.

Alice wrapped it around her neck and did a little twirl. "Part of my Halloween costume last year." She promptly busied herself with finding something for Jasper to wear. "l have some mesh shorts that I stole from Edward." Alice dived deeper into the closet. "And you need a shirt. Ah. Here we go." Alice handed the items to Jasper.

"Miss Fierce?" He said reading the print on the shirt.

"Don't knock the shirt. It's cozy wear and the shirt swallows me like a moo moo so it should give you more than enough room to wiggle in." Alice's cheeks warmed.

"Moo moo." Jasper rolled the word off his tongue. He smiled. "I can't imagine you in a moo moo."

"Don't even try to imagine it. Because I would never wear that shirt out of the house." Alice brought her hands to her nose. "Lord Jasper. I think my stink-o-meter is picking up hair raising whiffs from your sewer socks!"

Jasper flushed. "Sewer socks? Watch it pink boa."

She took a seat next to him and crossed her legs. His socks didn't smell. "Don't knock the boa. Why don't you go shower first since you are staying."

"Well if I do stay then I'm sleeping on the floor." Jasper insisted. "I don't want you to fuss over me."

"I'll fuss as much as I want." She smiled and looked down. "You should shower in the boys bathroom because I live with some freaky girls and they would just love to attack you in the shower. And not to mention the RA. She bites, she barks, foams at the mouth. She'd totally lose it if she heard about you in the girls' bathroom and I value both our lives."

"Thank you Alice," Jasper said gesturing the clothes towards her.

"Of course." She thought about Jasper's bruises and then Jane's comment about his dad doing that to him. She couldn't will herself to think any further about anyone hurting Jasper because it seemed so impossible. He was strong and fearless. And not to mention he wanted to be a soldier. But deep down Alice knew that Jasper definitely was keeping something from her.

Edward's POV

"Here's the book selection for the night. I went to the library and rented these gems. The Little Engine that Could, Goodnight Moon, and Charlotte's Web. You choose which one you want me to read to you."

My eyelids felt heavy. Children's books. Jacob really was willing to try anything to cheer me up. "Charlotte's Web." I answered. Esme used to read that to Alice and I when we were younger "I feel a lot better." I said softly. "For now at least." I leaned away from the comfort of Jacob's arms and crawled to the edge of the tent. "I have to use the bathroom I'll be right back."

Before I could leave Jacob pulled me back to him and tightened my shirt in his fist. His nose lightly brushed mine and then I felt his lips. I smiled reveling in the warmness of his mouth pressed against mine, and the friction of his tongue as he flicked it across my lips. I felt like he was breathing life back into me. I tightened my grip on his back wanting to keep him close. Jacob was reanimating a zombie, a zombie who had been walking the earth for weeks. It saw no light just impenetrable darkness. In this second everything felt okay. "I'll be right back." I promised against his lips.

"Don't you go trying to find some sunflower fields to run into." Jacob jabbed his finger into my chest. "Cause if you do. I will find you."

I smiled softly. I didn't want to take a mental trip back to Georgia or the sunflower fields. I just wanted to be here with Jacob in this tent, with children books, in our imaginary world that was so safe despite all the shadows waiting just beyond the light. I entwined my fingers in his just wanting to feel his touch one last time.

He kissed me again on the lips. This kiss was bittersweet. I crawled out of the tent and made my way into the bathroom. Someone else was in there. I nodded at the guy without really looking at him.

"Hey Edward." He sounded cautious.

I paused and actually looked at Jasper this time. "Oh hey Jazz."

There was an uncomfortable silence between us.

"I um just wanted to apologize for the last run in we had." Jasper's cheeks flushed. "I was a little out of it. So I'm sorry if I freaked you out."

"No it's okay. I wasn't freaked." I said dismissively. "Are you hanging out with Alice now?" Well obviously because he wasn't here to hang out with me.

"Yeah we're hanging out."

"Good." I said absently.

"Good?" Jasper repeated. He swallowed and looked away because he clearly didn't mean to say that aloud.

"Even though I'm in no position to talk about relationships and stuff..."

"Actually you're in a good position." Jasper volunteered. "You and Jake look like ya'll got the whole relationship thing down pat."

My cheeks warmed. That was nice of him. "What I meant to say is that Alice...she likes you and I know that you like her too. You seem like a good guy. But I'll always feel this push to protect her because she's my..." I paused. She was still my sister. Nothing changed. I balled my fist and diverted my train of thought. "I can't always read you Jasper."

"And I can't always read you either." Jasper returned looking into my eyes.

I took a step closer to him. "If you want to tell my sister how you feel then what are you waiting for? Alice doesn't give up on anything easily but for some reason you're an exception. Tell her that you like her. Stop waiting. Because the longer you wait the worse it gets. She'll have moved on by then...and I doubt I'll approve of any other guy."

I looked down. I wanted Alice to be happy. Especially with everything that was going on now. She deserved a bright spot. Something to hope for. Someone to love. And looking into Jasper's eyes now I could see that he deserved the same things. He wasn't strange. In some ways he seemed to be just like me. Reserved. Tortured to a degree. And cautious about letting strangers in. Maybe that was why he freaked out when he saw me that night, because I made him see himself.

"I love her Edward." Jasper said regaining his confidence. "And I respect you because you're her twin brother. You have every right to look out for her. But I would never do anything to harm Alice. And the only reason I'm telling you this is because one day when the time is right, if she'll still have me, I want to be more than just a friend." Jasper managed a small smile and looked down. "I lose all my common sense when I'm around her. I trip and fall. And one time I even forgot how old I was."

"How old are you?" I tested trying to make him smile.

"Nineteen. You don't have the same effect on me that she does." Jasper returned my grin.

"Well I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing...thanks for the bathroom chat." I said.

Jasper extended his hand.

I looked towards the stall.

He blushed. "Oh yeah. I guess the bathroom isn't the best place for a handshake."

"Whatever." I said giving my hand to Jasper. Maybe this could be the start of a new friendship.

Alice's POV

Jasper stepped back into the dorm room. His hair was damp and framed his face. She could smell her vanilla and sugar body wash on his skin. The candles around the room created a wan glow on his handsome features. Jasper took a seat on the floor beside her. She wondered why he insisted on taking the floor. Was he afraid that she might attack him because he was so darn cute? Alice accidentally thought about Jane. Uh.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked.

"You."

"Me?"

Alice nodded. "Why not?" Her heart stopped when Jasper looked down and smiled shyly. She knew that smile was reserved for her alone. Jasper was so adorable.

"I saw your twin in the bathroom."

"Edward." Alice said taking in a breath.

"Yeah? You seem bothered by that." Jasper's cheeks reddened. "He probably won't like the idea of me staying over here again."

"No." Alice shook her head. "Edward's protective but mostly with guys he doesn't like. If you had a sister I'm sure you would be the same way." She looked down. "Did he say anything to you?"

"Yes. He was really nice."

"Great." Alice could tell that Jasper's eyes were full of questions. This conversation probably confirmed in his head that Edward didn't like him. She wanted to ease his worries. "We've just had a lot of family drama going on lately."

"Sorry to hear that." Jasper said simply, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that he was willing to listen to whatever she had to say. "I have all night. You can talk to me as long as you want. I don't need sleep."

Alice couldn't help but to smile. "What do you mean you don't need sleep? Everyone needs sleep."

He shrugged. "When I need sleep I eat a Snickers bar."

Alice laughed. "And how are those two things equivalent?"

"In my world they are."

Alice stared up at the white Christmas lights fringed around the room. "This is the first time in weeks that I've felt like myself. Thanks for bringing me back to Earth. 'Cause Pluto really sucks ass."

"Pluto." Jasper whispered. "Things were that bad?"

"Yeah they were. What about you Jasper? Where were you?"

Jasper took a second to think and then his blue eyes fixed on her. "Jupiter. Storms galore."

Alice reached out. Jasper looked at her hand and then he scooted a little closer and their fingers entwined. His hands were rough in contrast to her soft touch. Alice closed her other hand over his. Even though a looming storm was raging outside the window she felt peace. They were two people colliding in this crazy world. Two hearts. Two souls. Wanting. Needing to find someone else to lean on. Her skin tingled. This felt so right. So right that she just wanted to cry because this closeness, this connection had been what she wanted all semester.

"I can listen to you too." Alice offered quietly. "I'm a good listener. You can tell me anything, and I promise I'll keep your secrets safe."

Jasper closed his eyes. "I don't really have anything to..." His eyebrows furrowed. "I'm sorry Alice. I can't do this right now." He pulled his hand back and turned away from her.

Her mouth dropped. "Jasper?" Alice nearly fell off the bed trying to get to him. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm sorry I just wanted you to know that if you ever...oh god now I'm stammering."

"Like me." Jasper said looking over his shoulder. He smiled softly. "You're stammering like me. I'm sorry that I'm a coward. Cowering away from you like this."

"You're not cowering." Alice said softly. She stood up and placed her hand on Jasper's back. "This is a safe zone okay."

"A safe zone?" He asked.

"Yeah." Alice said softly. "Is that too unbelievably cheesy or something?"

"No it's not cheesy at all. Whenever I'm around you it feels safe. You just have that effect on me...but you just surprised me because you sound so much like my brother."

"You have a brother?"

Jasper looked down. "Well he's not my blood brother. But in every other meaning of the word Riley is my brother and you remind me of him. A prettier version of him."

Alice blinked and looked down. She saw the candlelight dance in an enchanting luminescence on her skin. Alice felt bare. Just hearing the word brother made her think about everything that had happened to her. The insanity that she needed to share with someone.

"If you don't want to talk do you mind if I sound off?" Alice dared to say aloud.

"Sure." Jasper said.

Alice nodded slowly. Her dark hair fell in her eyes. "I'm just going to jump into it because it'll be easier that way. I went home over Spring Break and found out some really upsetting news." Alice bit her lip. "My parents they told me that..." Tears welled in her eyes. It was so startling how quickly her mood could change. A few seconds ago she had been on top of the world and now...now she felt like everything was crumbling again.

"I found out that Edward was adopted. We're not twins. My parent's lied to us our whole lives, and still I can't even understand why. Just saying it out loud should make it feel more real, but it still feels like a lie. This big, explosive, damaging lie and I don't even know where to start when it comes to dealing with this. Because I feel so sad, and not only for me, because it really hurts when you thought one thing all your life and then all of a sudden you're told something else."

"It's not just something you can accept. And that should be the worst part of this. But there was more." Alice closed her eyes. "They told us who Edward's mother is. We knew her. We watched her die of cancer and even then they never told us. Elizabeth Masen. She was...she is his mom and we never knew." Alice placed her hands to her face. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry."

"Elizabeth Masen?"

"That's his mom's name." Alice looked up through teary eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing I just..." Jasper took Alice's hands in his. "That's a lot. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I can't even imagine your pain." Jasper closed his eyes. "Your parents lied. But...that doesn't mean you and Edward have to suffer."

Alice looked into his eyes.

"Every birthday you guys shared together. Every moment. All the times he protected you. And every single second of every single day when you looked at him and saw your twin is still yours. That is your memories. That is your moments. No one can take them away. So I know it hurts." Jasper's hands started to shake. "I never had any blood siblings but my brother Riley...I'll always have a special place in my heart for him and no one can take that love away. I love him. And I know this sounds stupid but Alice..."

"Edward is your brother. He is. And he will always be. You didn't lose him." He closed his eyes. "When I was younger I didn't really know what it felt like to lose anything." Jasper swallowed. "I just remember one day finding my mom packing all her bags by the door. In that moment I knew she was leaving. I just felt it." Jasper grabbed his shirt. "I begged her not to go. I asked her to stay. I pleaded. I remember grabbing a suitcase and dragging it into a corner...and she left the suitcase and me. She just left and she hasn't tried to contact me since."

Alice placed her hands to her mouth.

"No. You don't have to be sorry for me. She did what was best for her. And I can't hate her for that but my point is Edward will never go off and find another family. You're his family. And even if you feel betrayed by your parents you two should get together and just remember what you mean to each other...because you'll never find another person that loves you the way Edward does. It's rare. It's pure. He's your brother. And I'm sorry for rambling. I just saw you crying and I wanted to make you feel better and I probably..."

Alice leaned forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Jasper. "I think I just need to cry." She sobbed. "I just need to cry really hard and just let it go. Because what you said is all true. I still love Edward just as much as I did before I found out this. But still...Elizabeth. She died before he could even find out the truth. And that's so tragic to me." Alice looked down. "And she just left him with us. Elizabeth left Edward. Just like your mom...just like your mom left you."

Jasper bit the inside of his cheek so hard that it bled.

"Thanks for sharing that with me Jasper. I know it was hard to share that." She nodded slowly and smiled through her tears. "Whenever I get sad I'm going to think about your words. I'm sorry that your mom left you." She looked down. "Jasper, I just want you to know that you don't have to hide out. There is a place for you here. Whenever you feel alone, or stressed or happy. Whatever you're feeling you have a support system right here."

"Thank you." He whispered. He looked like he was deep in thought about something. Alice wondered what it was.

"Jazz?"

"Yes?"

Alice closed her eyes as she pulled him into a hug. He didn't resist. Her heart raced, but she ignored it. "Just like bruises, scars heal. You just have to believe in the end through all this darkness that there will be light. That's what we've got to believe to keep going. Tonight." She yawned. "Tonight we're looking for light."

"Light," Jasper whispered.

"We'll find it." Alice finished for him. He rested his chin on top of her held and held her tighter to him.

Jane's POV

Dear Diary,

Love.

My heart swings on a pendulum and you are holding the chain. I imagine that being loved by someone as beautiful as you is like dying for five seconds and getting to walk around Heaven. Loving you is dancing in the clouds. It's running through the snow as it touches my cheek. Loving you is a romantic dream. A sweet escape. The one thing I crave. Oh please don't let this love be forever unrequited. Because with the absence of hope my heart would just stop. Time would cease to exist.

I'm not quite sure what to say about love. It's such a crazy emotion. It makes you happy, it makes you sad, it makes you wish for the most impossible things. Love. My heart breaks when I think about him. When I'm standing in a crowd of one hundred people I imagine that he sees me, and only me. I imagine that his eyes pass over a million girls, but something about me, makes his heart stop. I imagine that he's thought about approaching me, and that he longs to hear the music of my voice. Because I hear his. And his song is beautiful. It's the hum of a bumblebee, the soft falling petal of a rose. His love pricks me like a thorn. This sweet agonizing love.

Love. I long for it. I am a slave to it. I am a slave to the hope that one day he will look at me, and all his dreams and aspirations would include me. I'm not a real cheerleader. I have no desire to be popular. I just want to be loved. And if I have to put on a uniform and cheer the loudest out of any girl just to catch his eye. I will. Love is worth the sacrifice, and the threat of rejection. Will Summers. I love you. Please love me too.

Jane Ambrosio

Jane heard muffled discussion coming from downstairs. Alec's new boyfriend was here. She wished that they had talked a little longer before he brought him over. Jane couldn't understand why Alec was so scared to tell her this. They were close. Closer than anything. But yet he was scared? That made her sad. Jane looked down at her journal. The longer she looked at it, the more apparent it became that she was just doing this because of Will. The cheerleading. Trying to climb the social ladder. It was desperate and a little sad, but she had to make Will notice her.

She closed her eyes and shook her head in embarrassment. Jane allowed one moment to think about the other day at school when Will had watched her. She was walking into school with Alec, and Will was leaning against the locker, watching her. She had ignored him but inside her heart was going crazy. Jane ran her hands through her blonde hair. Enough. Alec was waiting downstairs. She said that she would meet his friend, so she was going to keep her promise. Jane hoped that Alec would talk to her after this.

She stood up and walked out into the hallway. Family portraits hung on the walls. Jane and Alec in black and white. The whole family. Baby pictures. Everything was in the main hall. Jane traced her hand along the winding stairs as she walked down into the sunlit foyer. She heard laughter. Her nerves were on edge. Jane put on a smile. The biggest smile she could muster. The 'Alec I support you through anything and everything' smile. The fan was on in the kitchen. Jane's hand lingered on the doorframe as she peered inside. Her smile. It faltered and then it fell. Jane's eyebrows furrowed. Horror. Unspeakable horror. No? No. Wait. This wasn't right.

Alec had Will...her Will against the kitchen counter. Alec was leaned into him. His nose pressed against the side of Will's face and his lips were on his cheek. Jane felt her whole world drop. She gasped. No. No. No. Alec turned away from Will. He smiled in relief.

"Jane you came down...what's wrong?"

Jane closed her eyes and shook her head. "No." This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

"No what?" Alec asked in confusion.

Jane looked at Will. He looked back at her completely unaffected by the heartbroken look in her eyes. In fact the longer she looked at him in horror, the darker his green eyes became. Finally Will looked away.

"Jane?" Alec said stepping closer.

Tears stung her eyes. Alec reached out to touch her. "No. Don't touch me."

"Jane?" Alec asked confused.

A sob escaped her throat. Why was she crying? Oh no. Why? She had to stop. Will didn't know her. He never loved her. He was the boy Alec was in love with. Oh how cruel this was. Tears gushed down her cheeks. Unreasonable tears as she ran up the stairs two at a time. Alec ran after her. She slammed the door in his face and locked it. Why was she crying? This was stupid! It was stupid! It was so dumb. But it hurt. Alec. Alec and Will. She couldn't believe it.

But he didn't know. Alec didn't know. But if only she told him. Jane clasped her hands over her mouth. Alec pathetically knocked on the door.

"Jane please open the door." He begged.

She didn't want him to see her like this. Jane ran over to her bed and pulled out her diary from its hiding place. In a mad frenzy she ripped out the pages. Every word. Every page dried with wasted ink on love, and changing herself just to get noticed. All the foolishness. All the pain!

She tore. Ripped. Pulled. The world spun in a maddening daze around her. Tiny bits of paper fell from the decimated diary. Love. Hate. Blackness. Light. Fear. Madness. Love. It hurt. But why? She had no claim to Will. But then she thought about Alec's lips pressed tightly against Will's and she felt disgusted. Even if Alec didn't know how she felt about Will. How could he!

She hated him. She hated him!

Jane collapsed onto the floor crying in a sea of shredded pages.

"Uncle Aro I'm really sorry to bother you but this is an emergency." Alec said into the receiver. He stood in the dark kitchen at their home in Finksburg. Light shined in through the window, but Alec was still in the dark. "No she's okay...she just. I'm worried about her. She's been acting erratically lately and I'm scared..." Alec's voice quivered.

In the seconds of silence all Jane heard was the ticking of the clock.

Tick.

Jane's eyes narrowed as she glared at her brother's back. The haunting moonlight shined in on the sharp silver glint of a kitchen knife. Alec was cutting tomatoes for his salad. Jane could see red juice dripping onto the floor. Betrayal. This cold feeling like ice water had been poured down her back invaded her body. How could Alec do this to her? Calling Aro was like slapping handcuffs on her and shipping her back to that mental institution in New York. Her lips formed into a hard line as she listened to him. She balled her fist.

Jane regretted her actions. She regretted scaring Alec in the car. Even if the exhilaration and the brief pleasure of staring death in the face made her feel more than she had felt in days. She wasn't crazy. She was just...messed up.

"No Aro...just let me handle it okay? At least until finals. I think she'll be okay again. I just..." Alec sighed audibly and then bowed his head. "She started acting like this when she met Jasper. He's this really nice guy that she's taken an interest in. No. I don't know how intense her feelings are for him. No Aro. I think she's more of a danger to herself than to him. Don't call her crazy. She's my sister. Maybe I made a mistake in calling you." He raised his voice.

Jane felt hot tears sting her eyes. Aro would just ship her away again in a second. He didn't need to ask any questions. He would just do it. She couldn't bear to here anymore of the conversation. No one wanted her. Absolutely no one. Even Alec. She was a disease upon this earth. A blemish. Her one light in this dark storm was failing her. Even Alec was giving up. She finally wore him down too. Sadness. She felt unbearable sadness. A light above her head flickered ominously. Shadows loomed on the walls. Jane felt a chill. She paused and looked around. Alec was still talking in the kitchen. His voice was lower now so she couldn't hear anything.

The grandfather clock in the den sounded throughout the house. Jane started to walk up the stairs again. She walked slowly. Her hands dragged along the banister. Her pain was folding in on itself, and she was actively harnessing other emotions. Because pain, feeling vulnerable, was worse than anything else she had ever experienced. Hatred. That was safe. Hatred. That was good.

The best intentions. Fuck the best intentions. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. Tears stung her eyes. Tears and mascara. She was a mess of tears and mascara. Violent lightening ricocheted through the black night sky. Dangerous volts of electricity. Angry. Highly deadly volts of sheer energy. Her thoughts slipped further and further away. She was a speck disappearing in the sea of black. The water crushed through her glass windows and swept her off her feet. Down. Down. Further Down.

Red.

All this anger. All this hate. The waves were dragging her under. She didn't fight it. She was tired of always being the last. She was bone tired. The last to be loved. The last to be understood. The last to be loved. Jasper. He had been the star that had shined like a smiling face in this empty stretch of nothingness. But he was gone. And so was Alec.

She wondered how much pain it took for someone to go mad. Maybe she was always there knocking at the door of sanity. Crazy. Everyone already diagnosed her. The blackest thoughts filled her mind. Foolish girl. She wasn't going to be that girl anymore. She was going to kill that girl. She was going to purge the weakness. Purge it. Drown it. Kill it. Jane picked up the red paint. She thought about Jasper again. Violent light shook the room. Thunder cracked in her ears.

Red Paint. Red Bleeding Heart.

The muscles in her arms burned. She was hungry to release this. Get rid of it. Shut up the pain. Shut it up. Release it. Okay. Okay. You're fine. Just fine. In a wild spin Jane released her emotions onto the glowing canvas, illuminated with monsters on the walls. The shadows were laughing. They were laughing at her. In the back of her head she saw Alice. Miss Perfect was laughing.

"I won!" Alice said.

I won. I took your happiness. You aren't good enough for him. He thinks your crazy just like everyone else. Ugly. Stupid. Girl.

She lost again. She lost.

Alice Cullen and her perfect smile. Her perfect brother. Her perfect life. And then Alice was replaced with Alec. He was standing with Edward and Alice while she stood alone watching him betray her. He didn't have a white halo any more...his halo was black.

Liar.

Jane lost herself to the frenzy pulsing through her veins. Until finally the paint was all gone, and not only was she covered in red, but so were the walls and the plastic covering over the carpet. Red like bloodshed. And she felt nothing...absolutely nothing.

Jane saw a shadow block the light in her room. Alec. He stood there for a few moments. The grandfather clock sounded again like a haunting melody. A song from a funeral. The end was near. She could feel it. Something really bad was going to happen. Alec's boots continued to eclipse the light.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Slower. Heartbeat. Tick.

He stood there for a little while longer and then he walked towards his room. His footsteps echoed on the floor as he walked away. Alec closed his door. Jane thought she heard him cry. But she still felt nothing. He was crying because of her. The lightning flashed and she stared in a dead glare at the blood red walls. Jane looked down at her hands. Red paint was caked on her hands.

Monster.

Edward's POV

Sunlight slowly flooded the room. The gold glow captured the dark corners of Jacob's desk and made it light. More sun filtered in through the blinds illuminating Jacob's face. I sat up a little and rested my hand against my cheek. I was awake. I had been awake for a while now. Watching. Thinking. Reflecting. He looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to disturb his peaceful slumber. But I had to.

"Jake." I whispered in his ear.

Jacob moaned sleepily and turned his head away from me. I smiled and rested my hand lightly on his chest. I blew softly inside his ear. Jacob's dark eyebrows furrowed and he swatted softly at my nose. His fingers swept across my cheeks as if he was just waking and realizing that I wasn't part of his dream. I sat back and watched the faces he made as he stirred awake.

"Morning sleepy head." I said quietly.

"Ed?" He yawned. Jacob stretched out his arms.

I flattened my body against the wall to give him some space.

"Did you sleep at all baby?"

"I did."

"You're lying." Jacob pulled the covers up around my shoulders. "Come back to bed."

"I'm already in bed."

"Back to sleep. You know what I mean. Don't be a smart ass." Jacob smiled crookedly. "C'mon you know you want to give in soon. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep." He cheered weekly.

"Rebecca is going to be coming soon for you." I said looking at the clock. "It's nine."

"Rebecca doesn't run on the same time as we do. If she says she'll be here at nine, what she really means is that she's aiming for one."

There was a loud knock on the door followed by, "Jake! Open up it's me. And I'm on time."

I arched an eyebrow. "Sounds like you got some holes in your Rebecca time theory."

"Oh man." Jacob groaned taking the pillow and placing it over his head. "Out of all the times she's been late why does she have to pull a miracle today.

"Jacob!" There was another series of knocks. "I hear you cussing me out under your breath. Edward. You set him up. Open the door for me dear."

Jacob frowned as he pulled back the covers. "See what you did Ed Monkey. You brought her down upon us." I swore I saw the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. Jacob searched around wildly for something to wear.

"I hear movement. You agreed Jake. You can't cancel on me." Rebecca knocked on the door a few more times. "I won't allow it pal. Nope I'm here. I'll stick to this door like the stick up Brent's ass until you let me in."

"Becky. God. I'm coming."

There was a deathly moment of silence. "Becky? Jacob Ephraim Black. How many times do I have to threaten you with bodily harm? I loathe being called Becky. Don't try to be cute just because you have a boyfriend now."

Jacob smiled again. But then he frowned when his chocolate drop landed on me. It was like he didn't want me to see him smile. I had to try a little harder at convincing him that I was okay, so he could enjoy this rare, but meaningful time with his sister. I crawled out of his bed and tried to make myself look presentable by smoothing down my wild jungle man hair.

Jacob watched me. "You presentable cutie?"

"Yeah." I whispered trying to look inconspicuous in a corner. But that probably made me look more suspect than anything. So I took a seat on my bed. I gave Jacob the go ahead to open the door.

As soon as the door opened Rebecca was a blur of piercings and dreadlocks as she threw her arms around Jacob. "Ace!"

She was giddy. I didn't expect her to be giddy. But the tight hold she had on Jacob made me smile. He needed this. He really needed some light after all the gloom I had put him through.

I pulled myself up from the bed.

Rebecca opened her eyes. They were so similar to Jacob's. "And you must be Edward."

Jacob eased out of Rebecca's arms. "I'm sure Rachel told you everything by now." He sounded hesitant. Almost nervous.

"She did." Rebecca said with a nod. "We got in a few arguments. It was pretty intense. I even got her to call me a bitch." Rebecca rubbed Jacob's shoulder reassuringly. "But I've never seen things the same way as Rachel. She's still trying to find fault in herself, instead of looking to you. But honestly Ace I would be a liar if I said I didn't expect it."

"Expect what? That I had a thing for guys?" Jacob said surprised.

"Oh c'mon. You were always talking about wanting to get ripped like Michael or Jeremy. There was always some guy's body that you wanted to mold yours into." Rebecca shrugged. "I knew. But that's not the point." She added quickly. "I support you. I love you no matter what." She looked at me again with keen interest. "No need to be shy."

I walked over to Rebecca and she surprisingly gave me a hug as well. The lingering smell of weed clung to her hair and clothes.

"I hope it's okay if I borrow my little brother for the day." She said.

"The whole day." Jacob frowned.

I bit my lip as I looked at him. "Jake it's okay. Really it is"

"Jacob you guys live together." Rebecca pointed out. "It won't kill you to hang out with me and my Bob Marley CD's for a day. C'mon don't make me sing Redemption Song to you until you buckle under the weight of bad karaoke."

"A whole day." He repeated. "Why should I give you this day because it's convenient for you?"

I closed my eyes. He was going to push Rebecca away before they even got the chance to talk. To rebuild their damaged relationship. Jake don't do this. I need you to let her in. She loves you. She'll help ease all the pain you feel. Don't shut her out. Because I can't be what you need right now. So let her be. Let her in. Let her love you.

"You have a valid point." Rebecca said sitting down on his bed. She looked down at the sheets. "Hmm....I think I see cum stains on that pillow." She stood up. "I expected to get the ice cold winds and the trademark Jacob wall, but I got my boxing gloves on honey, and you're not getting rid of me that easily. Even if we're not in the same state, or country for that matter I'll always be here for you." Rebecca made a face. "And for the sake of partying like it's 2013 your 19th birthday is right around the corner."

It was? How come I didn't know that? Jacob was going to be nineteen. I wondered if he would've told me about his birthday or if he would've just let it pass like I did with mine.

"We're going shopping for your gift. And then to lunch. I at least own your soul for that long." Rebecca said without a trace of faltering.

"How long are you going to be in town Rebecca?" Jacob said looking down.

"Just for today." She said.

Rebecca looked at me. I felt like this was a personal conversation that they needed to have without me in the room. But Rebecca stopped me. "We all have different ways of dealing with things. I deal with pain by jet setting even if I don't have the means to do it. I go from place to place and take as many pictures as I can to aid the process of forgetting. I won't ever say that I have a good method of dealing with pain. But I'm your sister Jake. If you don't give me today then you know that you'll regret it. And so will I." She looked at me. "Convince him Edward. Tell him that we're blood. We're siblings. We're family."

My eyebrows furrowed. Ouch. I tore my eyes away from hers and looked away. This pain kept coming when I least expected it. Why couldn't I deal with these triggers better? Blood didn't matter. I was still the same person I came to this school as. I was Edward Cullen. I was eighteen. I was younger than my twin sister. My mom's name was Elizabeth. My dad's name was question mark. I balled my fists. Why couldn't this just stop hurting me. I felt like I could cry now. But I sucked in a breath. I had to be strong for Jacob. He needed me to be strong for him. I was okay. I was okay. I was not okay.

As if he could read my mind Jacob took my hand.

"He'll go," I managed.

Jacob sighed. "Edward."

"It's what I want."

"Fine. But we're not hanging out all day Rebecca." Jacob scowled. "I have finals. And I'm not going to fail because of you."

Rebecca smiled like she had just got the gift she wanted for Christmas. "Thanks Edward. I can't wait to hear all about you." She wrapped an arm around Jacob's shoulder. He was looking at me. I could see that his heart was breaking. He was worrying about me. He worried too much. We both did.

"Have fun." I said as enthusiastically as I could.

"Call me." He said giving me a kiss on the cheek. "If you need anything just call me."

Rebecca made an amused face and looked away. "Wow Edward. Kudos to you. You made my brother whipped."

An hour after Jacob and Rebecca left I went to the diner for breakfast. I wasn't starved but I knew if I planned on getting any studying done I needed to put something in my stomach. I sat alone. I could feel eyes on me, but I didn't care. I was going to get my act together by the time Jacob got back. I poked at a fresh strawberry on my plate.

I made the mistake of looking up once. There was a girl sitting at the opposite corner of the diner. She was sitting alone like me. She wasn't eating. She was just staring. Her eyes were cold. I stared at her for a few moments but she didn't bother looking away. I remembered her from somewhere. Oh. She was the girl with Jasper, the girl sitting with him when his eye was swollen shut.

She looked at me like I was the bane of her existence. Like I had given her a perfectly good reason to hate me. I wasn't sure what she was trying to accomplish with her glare but she didn't frighten me. There wasn't anything in this world more frightening than what I discovered over Spring Break. I looked away from her like she was nothing.

"Hey Eddie." Alec sat pulling out the chair across from me. He paused. "I'm sorry I should've first before I sat down." His cheeks reddened. "Can I join you?"

"Err...yeah sure Alec."

Alec bit his lip. "You sure?"

"Positive." I said with a smile.

"Finals on your end must be bad." He shook his head. "I haven't even started studying yet." Alec smiled to himself. "So what's up? We have a final that we have to get done. You keep ditching me Ed. It's okay but...I need this A."

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "My mind just isn't with school right now."

"I hear you." Alec sympathized. His eyebrows furrowed. "So if you don't mind me asking. Are you okay dude? You look seriously down."

I looked up at Alec. He smiled softly. "I'm just having some issues that's all."

"Complications." Alec said with a nod.

"Yeah. Complications." I traced my thumb across my lips. "Have you thought about our final project"

"Our skit?" Alec shook his head. "I've been busy as well dealing with things."

The skin on Alec's neck was discolored. He either had bruises or hickeys on his neck. I was leaning toward hickeys. When he caught me looking Alec pulled up the collar on his white polo.

"Too much fun last night." He bit his lip. "Sex takes away my stress. I'm totally worthless I know."

I waved my hands. "I'm not judging you."

"I wouldn't care if you did." Alec said. "Unlike most people I always know where you're coming from. Your intentions are good. It's no wonder Emmett and Jacob are both madly in love with you."

I frowned.

"It'll get better Edward."

I was tired of hearing that. Maybe it would all get better. But not anytime soon.

"Want to know something." Alec said leaning forward. He didn't give me a chance to say yes or no. "A few years ago my parents died in a pretty bad car accident. It was just awful..."

My eyebrows furrowed. I didn't want to talk about car accidents, dying, or any other tragedies. I just wanted a safe space. A place where I could rest my head and get my thoughts together.

"My sister went nuts after that. And for a little while I thought I was going to go crazy too." Alec smiled to himself. "Life is like that. It's insane and crazy. You get hurt and then eventually you get fixed. Everyone has to go through a ton of shit before life gets better. My point is that I was lost before I came to College Park. I was searching for something better, and I found it. I found peace. And I know you will too."

I smiled. "Um thanks Alec."

"I know my advice sucks but I just wanted a shot at cheering you up. I consider you my friend so I just wanted to help." Alec moved his mouth to the side. "Now I'm going to leave you alone." Alec looked down at the table as he stood up. "You should get some more food. You're looking a little pale."

He was right. I probably should get a little more food. Alec walked right past the blonde, who only started staring at me again after he was out of sight. I ignored her. She pulled off her crimson headband, adjusted her blonde hair, and then she started to write something down.

I glanced at the clock. I was going to leave here in fifteen minutes.

The clock hanging on the wall was stuck, both hands were on 12.

Later that evening the sky burned a shade of dark pink and orange. The sun was setting behind the buildings surrounding McKeldin. After eating breakfast I had gone back to my dorm to fall asleep. I was still tired. In fact I felt like I could use another eight hours of sleep. I figured Jacob was having a good time with Rebecca because he hadn't called me yet. I smiled at the thought of him laughing naturally. I had faith that Rebecca would keep his spirits high.

I spotted a familiar face on the lawn. Emmett. He was sitting on a blanket not to far away from the fountain. Books surrounded him. I considered walking past him because he was clearly studying, but my feet betrayed my thoughts. I wasn't in any condition to hold a conversation. I was an emotional train wreck. But I still walked towards Emmett. When was the last time we talked? I couldn't even remember. I missed him though. I missed his don't give a fuck about anything attitude. Because I always knew he was deeper than that.

Emmett had this inexplicable effect on me. He made me angry often. He was loud, obnoxious, and arrogant, but at the same time he was sweet, caring, and easy to talk to. I missed his laughter. And I missed his smile. And most of all I missed how normal my life had been the last time we talked in Drama class.

He dropped out like he said he would. Because he said I drove him crazy. I still didn't understand why he had feelings for me. Maybe that was one reason why I stayed away from him. Because I didn't want to confuse him, and also because of Jacob. Through all this madness and blackness. I wanted to hold onto everything I had. Jacob was my boyfriend. But I didn't want to lose Emmett either.

He was there for me after I came out to Jacob. He was the first person that donated to Alice's charity. He gave me a 1,000 check. He probably loved me then, but he never said anything. He kept it all in. He let it burn him. Burn him like I was allowing all this pain to burn me on the inside. He pushed me to Jacob. And he pushed Jacob to me. And now he was suffering because we got our happy ending. But what about Emmett? What about him?

Who would love him? Who would see through his imperfections? Who would see the little miracles he did each day while disguising them with ten thousand vulgar words. I missed him. I wanted something normal. I just wanted someone to see me the way I used to be. Not this damaged wreck. This person that needed to be feared. What was wrong with me. I was such a mess. I really shouldn't be here. Now wasn't the right time to talk to Emmett. I was stupid. Stupid.

I went to turn around but he looked up from his book. The sunlight reflected off his pale blue orbs. I was trapped. I couldn't escape because it was too late. For a few seconds he just looked at me. My reflection shimmered in his eyes. His deep dimples carved in his cheeks. His lips were full. My heart beat foolishly. He looked happy to see me. And that was a relief. I smiled back at him. But I felt like my smile was ugly. Ugly and deformed. The smile of a horrible liar.

I was just so tired. I took a step back. But there was nowhere to go. He closed the book in his hands. Finally I gave into the pounding thoughts racing through my head and I took a seat. For a moment everything was silent. I took in a deep breath and watched the disappearing light fan out from the clouds. The view looked heavenly. I bit my lip. An emptiness had settled into my gut. Emmett make me smile. Make me laugh. Say something. Say anything.

He didn't know about my parents. Or Elizabeth. All he knew was that I was Edward. And all I knew was that I needed someone. Someone to talk to that wasn't Jacob, Bella or Alice. Because what I was feeling would put me even more on the radar, and I couldn't handle constantly being scrutinized like I was on suicide watch. I looked down at my hands and then raised my head to gaze at the burning sky. Rays of light reflected on my arms, tangling in the blonde hairs.

Emmett's eyes studied me for a few seconds. "I got kicked out of the library."

I nodded slowly.

"They don't like it when I play my music loudly. Or dance. Or just breathe basically. I think I saw a few wanted posters of me hanging on the door." He chuckled.

I closed my eyes and gave him a soft smile.

"I was thinking about joining the circus too."

"What?" I asked.

"You don't hear anything I'm saying do you."

"I hear you."

Emmett moved his mouth to the side. "Did you and Jake get in a fight?"

"No."

"Okay. So I'll just assume you don't want to talk about it." He looked down at his hands. "I can help you study for your finals. I mostly finished studying for mine so don't worry about that. I got you Edward."

"No Emmett. I don't need help with finals. I'm sorry that I came over here. I shouldn't. I just saw you sitting here and..." I shrugged. "I just thought I would say hi but I shouldn't have because it's wrong."

"It's not wrong." Emmett said biting his lip. "It's okay. You can sit here with me. And we can just talk. Or we can sit. Or I can even go. You can have the blanket. It was just five dollars anyways." Emmett swallowed. "We haven't talked in a few months and I know why. I didn't want to get in the way of your relationship. I didn't want to complicate things. Because you have something great. And I just want to be happy for you. Because above my feelings, above everything, you're someone I really care about. And caring about you means attempting selflessness and failing."

"Jake makes you happy. And that's fine. But um...the last time I saw you, you were happy. You were smiling and I couldn't touch that." Emmett sighed. "I really want to make jokes and skip around whatever this is. But you look really sad. You look like...I don't know...like you just lost someone or something. And I can't ignore that. Why are you so sad Edward? Did something happen to you?"

"No." I lied. "Nothing happened. I just...." I closed my eyes as tears threatened to fall. "I'm just a mess and I don't know what to do. Emmett...I'm sorry." My lips twisted. "I've just been trying to distract myself from everything. From thinking, from feeling, from hurting, and I thought you could distract me. But I was stupid. I was wrong. And I'm so sorry." I looked down as my lips started to tremble.

"No it's okay." Emmett said reassuringly. "You don't have to be sorry for anything."

I placed my shaking hands to my eyes. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"I want to be your friend. I really like having you around. Because without you I feel like a part of me is missing. But I don't want you to hurt. I want to be able to sit here with you and know that I'm not hurting you just by being around. So I want you to move on okay?"

"How do you know I haven't already moved on?"

I looked into his eyes searching for truth.

"I'll tell you whatever you need to hear. I'll tell you that I'm in love with Rosalie if you need me too. I'll tell you that I never loved you. I'll even tell you that I pursued you just to get back at Jacob because I was jealous of him. But what good will one lie do when you already know the truth?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Three weeks have gone by. Three weeks and I've been a mess. I feel crazy and depressed. And everything feels so extreme. I'm scared. And I can't take the way everyone is looking at me like they know I'm going to break. I've never felt anything like this. I just have so much angst and heartache deep inside of me and I can't share it with Jacob. I can't share it with anyone and I'm disgusted with that. Because he's given me everything. All his love, all his tears, and I can't share this. I'm the worst boyfriend in the world. I'm horrible..."

"Hey." Emmett took my hand.

"I don't deserve him. I don't. I just think that I need to be alone. Maybe I just need another week to sort this out." I nodded in denial. "And then after I figure it all out. I'll be okay." Tears spilled down my cheek. "Just a week."

"No." Emmett shook his head. His hand was still tightly clasping mine. "You don't need a week. You need to accept what you can't change." He took in a deep breath. "Holding things in. Trying to deal with everything on your own. It doesn't work Edward. It hurts more. And the longer you do it. The harder the fall is." He took in a troubling breath. "Do you want to know why I fell so hard for you."

I pulled my hand out of his and wiped at my tears.

Emmett looked down at the blanket. "I did hate Jacob the first time I met him. He thought he was the shit just because he was the quarterback. I wanted to see him fall so badly from his high horse. I waited. I never took any action. I had no desire at all to sleep with him, so seduction wasn't necessary. So I waited, and then I noticed you." Emmett smiled tragically. "You and Bella would come to watch him at practice. I saw the way you smiled at him, and how you stole looks when no one was watching."

"I thought it was cute how you watched him on the sly. Because you were persistent despite the fact that he always pretended not to notice you. You interested me. I was puzzled because you got so much attention from everyone else. You could've had anyone you wanted but yet you were so hopelessly addicted to Jacob. So I thought I would play around with you. I would get close to you and completely throw him off guard. Make him admit that he's clearly gay for you. But my plan went horribly wrong the night after the homecoming game. I just remember you standing there in Jacob's old nasty sweater and I was thinking damn...I want that. I want a guy to look at me like I matter. I want to be important. And loved like I'm the one that could change his world. And then I realized that I didn't want just any guy...I wanted you."

"When you smiled at him for some reason I imagined that you were smiling at me. And I couldn't shake the feeling. It repulsed me because I never spent time daydreaming about love. But during every break of that homecoming game I found myself staring up into the bleachers for you. For that radiant smile. For your heart. I wanted you to see that Jacob wasn't the only star on the field so I started showing off, and that's how I fucked myself up."

"I ruined my fucking season because I was in love with a guy who didn't see me as anything more than an asshole and rightfully so. I was so pissed after I injured myself. I was sitting there on the bleachers feeling so disgusted while Jacob was being cheered on. Everyone was around him. It was raining and I felt like a failure. I was pathetic. I lost focus because I was in love with someone else's dream. But all the pain, all the cursed thoughts eased when you walked over to me. I was alone. And Jacob was right there, but you came to me first."

"I put your hand to my chest and you let it stay there." Emmett bit his lip. "In that moment the rain sounded like music. I was cracking jokes the whole time and pretending to be a dick but I felt you. I felt your hands. Your hands were on me. And I was trying to tell you. I was trying to scream to you that I was an idiot. Because I loved you. And that's why I fell apart that day in Drama class. Because I knew from that homecoming game, from the first moment I kissed you, that...there was no other boy. Because everyone...everyone was faceless...and then there is you."

"So don't feel bad because I did this all to myself. I should've been honest with you upfront. I shouldn't have joked with you. Because I can't see myself just giving up on you, but the only reason I'm telling you this is because I don't want you to crash and burn like me. Life isn't meant to be lived alone. So it's okay." Emmett reached out and took my hand again. His thumb gently stroked my skin. "Do you want me to call Jake for you?"

"No." I said.

"What can I do for you then." He said holding my hand tighter.

I looked down at his hand. I fell back onto the blanket and closed my eyes. I felt like I was falling but Emmett held me tightly. His hand felt like fire. He was wrong. But he was right. He was toxic. And he was love. He was a volcano. A lie. A truth. A realization. He was comfort and poison. He was love.

In the corner of my heart. The corner that was locked. The place where I kept Elizabeth. Cancer. The sadness I felt as a child. There was a place for Emmett too. I eased my hand out of his. That brief electricity was gone. It was pitch black out here. We were in the dark alone.

But this...this wasn't right. I came here to ease Emmett's pain. And of course I only succeeded in deepening mine. What a mess. I sat up and I wrapped my arms around my raised knees. "Emmett thank you."

"I did absolutely nothing Cullen."

"You listened to me. And you didn't have to. I know I didn't make any sense at all. But thank you."

"I would tell you to call me if you ever needed to talk. But you have Jacob. That's what he's for. But if you need me I won't ever turn you away." Emmett leaned forward and gave me a hug. He wrapped me up in a way that a friend shouldn't hug another friend. I felt him grab my shirt like he wanted to keep me to him, and give me some of his life. Anything to keep me smiling.

I didn't fight him. I felt his nose press against my skin. "Emmett." I said.

"Yes." His lips were soft against my neck.

"I can't."

"I know." He whispered.

I felt his heart. I closed my eyes.

"I love Jacob too much."

"I know. But tell me something." Emmett kissed my cheek.

"Emmett."

I still felt his lips.

"I know you'll never love me like you love Jacob." He traced his thumb across my lips. But I don't have the luxury of a smoke screen anymore. So there is no point in hiding. That first night I kissed you..."

"Emmett."

He looked down and smiled. His face was lit by moonlight. "Did you ever love me...even for only a second."

For more than a second.

I looked down. Lie.

"No Emmett. I never loved you." I delivered the lie straight and stared into his eyes. There was no room for this. Questions and answers. By telling him that I felt something for him then and even now would be irresponsible.

Emmett grinned. "Well it was worth a shot right?" He grabbed his books. He was still smiling, showing those deep dimples like he wasn't hurt. But I could see that he was. "I have to study for the MCAT so I should get going. Are you sure you don't want to call anyone."

"Yeah."

Emmett nodded and slowly turned around.

"Em your blanket."

"You can keep it. I'll get by without it." He said over his shoulder.

Alice's POV

Alice twirled in front of the mirror. She watched as her white dress fanned out around her legs. Bella sat on the bed watching her. Alice bit her lip not sure if she was satisfied with her final selection. She was about to change for the fifth time, before her cell phone vibrated on her press. Alice dived over to get it because she thought it could be Jasper. He had invited her to dinner just before leaving this morning. She was excited.

"Is it him?" Bella asked with a big smile.

"Um no? It's Edward." Alice took a seat on her bed. She checked the message.

E: Alice can you meet me behind the Art-Soc building? Really important.

Hmm. Alice moved her mouth to the side. She texted back.

A: Okay. Be right over there. But why are you at the Art-Soc building?

Alice placed her phone face down on her bed.

"What did he say?" Bella sunk down embarrassed. "Not trying to be nosy or anything."

"He said that he wants me to meet him at the Art-Soc building." Alice shrugged. "I don't know." She slipped on her flip-flops. "I guess I'll go swing by there first."

"Art-Soc building?" Bella tilted her head to the side. "I don't think he has any classes there."

"He doesn't. But he could've went there just to get away from everyone and clear his head."

"I really think we need to stage an intervention." Bella said. "Three weeks. He doesn't have to come around now, but he can't keep shutting you and Jake out. I want to tell him that, but I'm afraid he'll stop talking to me if I do."

Alice grabbed her phone. "Jake told me that he has been texting and calling Edward all day, but he's not responding. He was getting worried. And so was I."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed. "You haven't spoken to him since Jake left?"

"He's fine." Alice assured. She waved her phone. "Here's the proof. Text message from his phone."

Bella took in a deep breath. "Oh God. I'm worrying like Renee."

"Breathe. I'll bring him back here." Alice bit her lip. "Maybe I might have to reschedule with Jazz? Edward might finally be ready to open up, and if he is. I can't see myself enjoying dinner."

"Wait." Bella said. "Talk to Edward first. See what he says and then go from there."

Alice nodded. "Okay. And what's the verdict on this dress."

"A plus." Bella answered.

"Okay I'm going to leave." Alice said quickly.

Edward POV

I knocked on Bella and Alice's room door.

I heard movement and then Bella opened the door for me.

Bella gave me a tight hug. "Where is Alice. Did she decide to go with Jasper to dinner?"

"I didn't know she was going to dinner tonight." I said.

"Didn't you meet up with her though?"

"No I was with..." I paused. "Why would I meet up with her. Were we supposed to?"

"Edward." Bella said gripping my arm. "You texted her. Don't you remember?"

I looked back at Bella like she was crazy. "No I didn't. I can't find my phone. I've been looking all over for it..."

"Edward." Bella said slowly. "You texted her."

Something wasn't right. Something was horribly wrong. Because I hadn't texted Alice. I couldn't. It wasn't possible without access to my phone. "What did I say in that text message?"

"To meet her at the Art-Soc building." Bella slipped on her flip flops. "She left about five minutes ago."

I took off running without waiting for Bella to explain any more.

Alice's POV

Time. An endless string of seconds.

She had been searching for what felt like forever for her brother. He told her to meet him at the Art-Soc building right? So then where was he. The air was cool and a gentle breeze ruffled the light fabric of her white dress. There was a calmness about tonight that really crept under her skin. A raven was perched on a branch. Its black eyes seemed to be glistening with malevolence down at her.

She felt uneasy. The pale glow of starlight washed over the building. A tree was twisted and gnarled, green leaves reflected the white glow of the moon. Edward where are you? Her heart drummed in her chest. She looked down at her phone. Why would Edward ask her to come here when he was nowhere to be found. Her phone vibrated in her clammy palm. Oh thank God. It was Edward.

She clicked on the message.

The wind rustled the leaves.

Alice cautiously looked up and then she read.

E: Dearest sister. I hate your fucking guts.

Alice gasped. She froze. Edward? Why would he write that. Her heartbeat accelerated. She forgot about everything. Her fear. The eerie glow of the moonlight. And she started to text Edward back but then she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps. She whirled around but it was too late.

The moon stopped shining for a second.

The world passed away.

She was knocked off her feet. To frightened to scream.

A foot...something hard collided with her stomach. She cried out in pain.

What was happening? Oh god. Oh god.

Fear. Time. Everything blurred together. She curled up in a ball too disoriented to fight back. Pain. She was kicked again. Tears stung her cheeks. Oh my god. Oh my god. She had to run. Silence. The tick tocking of panic. Fight or Flight. Fight or Flight.

Flight.

She went to run but then a fist collided with the back of her head. She was hit over and over and over...she cried. Oh my god.

Tick.

"Help!" she screamed. "Help!"

One final punch. Pain. She felt excruciating pain. Tears flooded down her cheeks. She cried she couldn't stop crying. Something fell to the floor. It looked like a scarlet headband...footsteps stole off into the night. Blood. Her white dress was covered in blood. She was left bawling on the ground...kicked...and beaten.

Tick.

...Time is running out.

Review! Review! Review!