AN: Story is coming to you late because I was in a different state this morning. Please forgive me.
Also, enjoy!
Lily woke up coughing.
Stretching her abdomen tight as she coughed, she felt her wound reopen on her side and swore out loud as she covered the area with her hand.
She couldn't stop coughing either. It was so painful and there was nothing she could do about it but hold her wound and hope that it wouldn't bleed too much.
James was at her side in a moment, with a canteen. He pulled her up so that she was sitting and told her to take a deep breath through her nose. She felt tears stinging in her eyes as she tried to do what he was telling her.
He started rubbing her back and kept whispering encouraging things in her ear before she was able to stop coughing long enough to take a drink of water.
It took a bit longer to get her breathing under control and then she just sort of leaned against James' chest and tried to keep herself from crying. She couldn't sit here and break down in front of all of Panem, she couldn't seem emotionally weak if she was already physically weak. All she'd managed to do for the last couple of days is stay alive, and that was in big part, thanks to James' care.
James leaned back slightly and reached for the arm that she had been coughing into. He looked it over and then set it down. Lily looked up at him.
"No blood," He explained. "That's a good thing. Also, your eyes look brighter this morning."
"Or maybe you let me sleep too long and now you're delirious."
"You can't fall asleep asking me to kiss you and then wake up insulting my judgement."
Lily felt her cheeks flush and looked back down. "Good morning, James."
"Morning, Lils." He pressed his cheek against her forehead and then pressed a kiss there. "Is that better?"
It took her a moment to remember that she'd complained about how he'd been kissing her in order to take her temperature. "I suppose." She made sure that she was grinning for the cameras, but every part of her just felt heavy and tired and she just wanted to lay back down and go to sleep, not feeling at all refreshed from having slept through the night.
Instead, she took the canteen from him and forced herself to drink more water.
Quite suddenly she was terrified of the fact that she was going to die soon if she didn't get proper medical attention. "I should eat something." She said.
"You're hungry?" He asked, sounding hopeful and excited and Lily didn't want to take that away from him, so she nodded. "I saved you a roll." He pulled the pack closer to them without moving away from her.
She took the roll when he offered it too him and split it in half, trying to give half of it back to him.
"It's not that large, Lily. You can eat the whole thing."
"That doesn't seem fair."
"It is fair though." She took a bite and stopped arguing with him.
It didn't bother her stomach as much as she thought it was going to and she managed to eat the entire thing without it coming back up.
"Here," James reached into the bag against and pulled out the fever pills. Before he could open them, Lily took the bottle and read over the information.
"That's what I thought." She muttered, shoving them back into his hand without opening them. "Those have morphling in them." She shook her head. "I don't think I should have anymore of them for a while."
James looked surprised and looked over the bottle himself. "So that's why you were all giggly and smiley last night? You were high?" He laughed and shook his head. "Alright, no more of those until you really need them." He checked her forehead again. "Your fever doesn't seem too high." He mused, but Lily could feel the fever at the back of her eyes and her entire body was chilled.
"Well perhaps all your nagging is working." Lily took another drink and tried to take stock of her body. She tried to think of the questions her mom would have asked her if she was a patient coming to see her. She took a deep breath and noticed that the rasping was gone, so that must have been from her ribs and the fall. It still hurt when she took a deep breath, but broken ribs would do that to you.
She rolled her shoulders and tilted her head from side to side. She curled her toes and then stretched out her legs and arms, all the while, careful not to contract the muscles in her stomach. James was quiet and watched her, as if he knew what she was doing without having to ask.
"Conclusion?" He asked, brushing her hair away from her face.
"I think the cut is the only real problem. My ribs still hurt quite a bit when I move, but they're broken or fractured so that's not going to be a quick fix."
"Just the cut." James repeated, nodding. "Alright. We can deal with that." Lily nodded her agreement, but her head swam a bit at the movement.
"Lingering concussion." She added to the list.
"Well I think concussions call for rest, so you can continue to do that, and I'll go and check the fish traps so that we'll have some more food to eat, yeah?"
"You set the traps?"
"I watched you do it a few times." James shrugged. "Hopefully I did it right."
She didn't want him to go and check the traps. She didn't want to split up again. It hadn't worked so well for them the last time and the thought of having to sit here and wait for him to come back didn't bode well with her.
But he'd given her all the broth and they didn't have any food left. They couldn't just stay here.
He seemed to read the look on her face easily enough. "I'll be sixty seconds, alright? I'm going to run down, grab the trap and then run back."
"I don't like it." She muttered, turning her face to hide in his chest. She was feeling weak again. She was probably losing them sponsors.
"I don't want to leave you here," He said, and then his lips were by her ear. "We play this right, we might get another parachute."
She narrowed her brow because she'd been thinking the exact opposite of that. But she tried to think about it differently. She couldn't get up and go with him, she couldn't protect him, but she was worried about him. Her being worried for him, that would add to their story of being in love. It would make people more invested.
She didn't want to play things up for the camera though. She was tired and sore and felt like she deserved to keep some things private. Especially soft feelings that were just starting to shine through when James played with her hair or squeezed her hand.
But he was right. If they played up the pretend romance for the camera, then they might get another parachute. If they put on a really good show, they might even get something really good in the parachute.
Like medicine.
And then she wouldn't have to be worried about him going off on his own and getting tracked down by the careers, because she could go with him and keep him safe. Try and repay the favor.
She leaned into him. "Sixty seconds?"
"The traps aren't far from here." He nodded.
"If you take any longer than that I'm going to assume that you've been hurt." She leaned up and looked him in the eyes. "I'll come after you."
He gave her a small grin. He must have thought she was playing things up, like he'd just suggested, but she wasn't kidding. "I know you will. You tried to do that last night."
"And I'll do it again." His thumb brushed along her cheek and he leaned closer to her.
"Before you leave," She said slowly, "Last night…" She wanted to look away from him. She wanted to clench her jaw and hide, but she took a breath and continued. "I think you promised me something if I ate the roll. I'd like to cash in before you disappear into the world outside of this cave."
She remembered kissing him yesterday. She couldn't remember why she'd done it exactly, and she was sure that the morphling in the fever pills had been partially to blame, but she remembered liking it. She remembered feeling a giddy sensation in her stomach and fingertips as she felt his lips move with hers.
She remembered last night, when she'd seriously considered eating the roll all because he'd told her that he'd kiss her if she did.
He was looking at her, his smile still in place, but it didn't look as real as it had a moment ago. It was as though what she had said had shocked him, even though it was his suggestion that had made her say it.
"So those pills weren't addling your brain too much." His voice was a bit lower and a chill went down Lily's spine. "Are you trying to distract me? Keep me from going to the river?"
"Would that work? Because if so, then yes. That is exactly what I'm doing." She nodded, slowly this time to keep her head stable. She could lean in now, she could pull him up against her.
But she wanted him to kiss her this time. She wanted to know that he was okay with playing the Gamemakers and the audience like this. She wanted to know that he wanted to kiss her. He'd already told her how he felt about her, but everything in the arena was different and not as real as it would have been outside.
"It would definitely work." He nodded, his thumb tracing her cheek again. "Even though I'm going to get the food for you. You need the food."
"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself." Maybe she could kiss him into staying in the cave with her. She could see it in his eyes that he was close to forgetting about the fish entirely.
She was still waiting for him to lean in when they heard a canon go off.
They both jumped and looked toward the mouth of the cave. There was no danger there, no one standing in the opening waiting to kill them next.
Lily looked back at James. "Well now I'm definitely not letting you go out there alone."
James dropped his forehead against hers with a small smile. "I've managed to keep myself alive these last couple of days without you around to protect me, you know."
"I'm not saying that you can't protect yourself, or that you're… I mean I see that you've faired better than I have. But I don't want to hear a canon go off and have to wonder if it's you. Especially not when I can't fucking move by myself."
James cupped her face in both of his hands and kissed her softly, first on the lips and then on the tip of her nose. Everything about how he was touching her just then had her feeling like there were lightening bugs dancing up and down her arms. "I am not going to leave you in this cave to fend for yourself, Lily. I am going to go and check the traps though. Sixty seconds."
She must have frowned more prominently than she thought she had because he pressed another quick kiss to her lips and smiled at her. "I'm not going to like it either, okay? But I'm not going to sit here and watch you starve."
And then she remembered that if he didn't go, she'd have to watch him starve too. "Fine. Sixty seconds."
"You can count if you'd like. I'll be back in a flash." And then her cheeks were cold because he was no longer holding them, and she had to put one of her one hands on the ground to keep herself upright.
She didn't count. Instead she just sat there and picked at the corner of the sleeping bag, wishing that she didn't have to add ticklish feelings to the list of things that she had to think about.
She was dying. It shouldn't matter how James' kisses made her feel.
Of course, the opposite was true too. She was dying, so of course it mattered how James' kisses made her feel. If she wasn't going to leave the arena, then why pretend that she wasn't feeling something? Why pretend that she didn't want to sit closer and hold his hand tighter and tell him that his eyes reminded her of something that she couldn't name
But then he was back, his face pulled into a frown, and she lost her momentary confidence and became worried.
"What happened?"
"The trap was empty."
Lily wanted to ask if he'd set it right. She wanted to ask him if it had been tampered with.
But before she could, she realized that there was another possibility. The Gamemakers wanted to watch them starve. They'd taken the fish from the river and Lily had blown up the Careers food supply, so now they would all scramble to get food, and steal food from one another and they would kill each other in the process.
James sat down next to her and put his head in his hands. Lily leaned back against the wall of the cave, carefully and slowly, and then lifted her hand and ran her fingers through James' hair. Because she'd been comforted when he'd done that to her.
"We'll figure something out." She said.
"We have no food." He said, and he looked so desolate.
"Yet." Lily said quickly. James reached up and took her hand in his own.
"Right." He nodded. "I haven't given up."
"I honestly don't think you know how." She said honestly. He looked over at her, but his smile looked to be for her benefit.
"You're really not as scary as I thought you were."
"Shh," She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them, trying to smile herself. "I don't want people back home to know that." He kissed the back of her hand.
"Pretty sure my reputation is shot." He leaned against the wall beside her.
"Yeah," She agreed.
"Hey! You could try and be a bit more comforting here."
"I'm honest before I'm comforting." She squeezed his hand.
"That's a lie." He shook his head. "I should check your wound again."
Lily huffed. "What good will that do? We don't have anything to fix it."
James squeezed her hand. "I'm just trying to get you out of your shirt again."
"Right." She closed her eyes and slid her fingers out of his. "Go ahead, then. I'm only wearing this jacket right now."
"Would you mind if I went down to the river again-"
"Yes, I would mind. I don't need clean clothes."
He didn't argue with her.
He carefully unzipped the jacket and then untied the bandages. Lily, like last time, did not look. She thought it was bad enough that her mom and sister had to see it from all the way back in District 12, knowing that there was nothing that they could do for her.
She heard his sharp intake of breath and knew that it was worse than before. This was why she didn't want him to check it. What could he do but worry more?
"I'm going to put new bandages on it." He said after a moment of staying silent. He threw the soiled ones into a corner of the cave and then pulled the pack closer to him and dug through for his torn shirt. He stripped it again and then poured some of their water on a piece. "I'm going to clean it."
"Okay." She almost snapped at him.
She was glad that he didn't try and be overly careful, because that would have taken longer, and it would have hurt longer. He just tried to clean it as quickly as he could, and Lily just bared down until the stinging was mostly gone.
When she was redressed, James put everything away and offered her another dose of fever pills. She took only one, and promised to drink the rest of what was in the canteen.
"You need to sleep though." She said.
"I'm fine."
"You need to sleep." She repeated with more force. "I'll wake you up if anything happens."
His eyes were bloodshot, and he was starting to get dark bruises under his eyes from lack of sleep, so it didn't really take much more convincing than that. He straightened out the sleeping bag, and turned it so he could rest his head on top of Lily's leg while he slept.
"Does that hurt you?" He asked, pulling his glasses off and setting them in front of him. Lily was surprised that the left lens hadn't fallen out entirely yet.
"No," It felt nice to have him close, and she almost said so out loud, knowing that it would play well. "Get some sleep." She said instead, her hand going into his hair.
It didn't take long before he was sleeping.