AN: Sorry it took so long again. This story has been giving me hell - but my muse also deserted me for a bit.. making writing anything damn near impossible for a bit. This chapter hasn't been edited fully yet - but I wanted to get it out before I left for the night.
Please check out my other story Binding Ties if you haven't! It's been changed to Ana/Christian for the FF site :).
Also- I'll be making a pinterest board for this story with visuals to go along with the chapters. Check out my facebook for updates on when to expect chapters and such - both links are in my author page.
Enjoy!
I'm basking in the warmth surrounding me emanating from this glorious creature lying next to me. Her breath skirts across my chest, steady and even, her head nestled into the crook of my shoulder.
You'll have to learn to keep still… Those words and her moans falling from her mouth as she began to take control, riding me, giving me a glorious view of her perfect breasts falling and rising in time to the rhythm our union is creating. Her innocence and enthusiasm are completely disarming. I'd never give a woman the reigns after Elena. No. I don't want to think about her right now. It's just us, Ana and I, reveling in our post-coital bliss. I recall the heat in her eyes as I held her gaze. My Ana.
I'm broken from my memories as Ana begins to reach her hand toward my chest. Grasping her delicate fingers in my own, I lift her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles to soften the blow of rejection.
"Don't," please, don't…
"Why don't you like to be touched?" She whispers quietly, holding me with so much more than just her soft blue eyes.
"Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia. I had a very tough introduction to life. I don't want to burden you with the details. Just don't."
Again I try to soften the harshness that coats my words with caring gestures like brushing my nose against hers, our breath mingling together. My stomach knots in butterflies and it rockets into the back of my throat. I feel naked and exposed, realizing that it has nothing to do with my lack of clothing. I need to move away from this alien feeling. I need some distance from her right now.
"Well. I think that's all the basics covered. How was that?" I try to mask my discomfort with small talk about a different part of our relationship, the side I do control.
She tilts her head, eyeing me speculatively, before continuing, "If you imagine for one minute that I think you ceded control to me, well you haven't taken into account my GPA. But thank you for the illusion."
"Miss Steele, you are not just a pretty face. You've had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me." Pride blossoms in my chest and cools over when I see her nervous and stunned expression. "Do you have something to tell me?" I ask, my voice conveying how irritated I am.
"I had a dream this morning."
"Oh?" I try to remain impassive but my mind wanders back to that splendid wet dream I had not long after we first met and I desperately want to keep my cool.
"I came in my sleep." That's it, any attempt to maintain my composure flew out the window as she flopped back onto the bed and hid under her arm. I lift her elbow and decide to get more from her.
"In your sleep?
"Woke me up."
I stifle a laugh. "I'm sure it did. What were you dreaming about?"
Her pupils dilate and her breath catches. Yup, that's me.
"You." She replies softly.
"What was I doing?"
Again her arm flies to cover her face, as much as I enjoy her flush and embarrassment, I won't have her withholding information from me. Oh, but it is fine for you to withhold from her? You are a fucking hypocrite, Grey.
"Anastasia, what was I doing? I won't ask you again."
"You had a riding crop."
I move her arm to see that deep blush creep across her skin.
"Really?"
"Yes." And the blush deepens fifty shades.
"There's hope for you yet. I have several riding crops."
"Brown plaited leather?"
The laughter escapes my mouth without warning. "No, but I'm sure I could get one."
I give her a brief kiss and begin gathering my clothes, sensing my intention Ana follows my lead. We discuss her need for contraception and I assure her that I will have my doctor visit her at Escala on Sunday to discuss it.
"Are you leaving?" She asks me quietly.
Only if you don't stop me.
"Yes."
"How are you getting back?"
"Taylor will pick me up."
"I can drive you. I have a lovely new car."
A smile splits my face at her words, she may be placating me but those words sound like music to my ears.
"That's more like it. But I think you've had too much to drink.:
"Did you get me tipsy on purpose?"
"Yes." Busted.
"Why?"
"Because you overthink everything, and you're reticent like your stepdad. A drop of wine in you and you start talking, and I need you to communicate honestly with me. Otherwise you clam up and I have no idea what you're thinking. In vino veritas, Anastasia.
"And you think you're always honest with me?" Aside from side stepping that sadist comment when I showed you my playroom, yes.
"I endeavor to be. This will only work if we're honest with each other."
"I'd like you to stay and use this." Fluttering her lashes and pushing out her breasts, she tries to seduce me.
Smiling I hold my restraint, "Anastasia, I have crossed so many lines here tonight. I have to go. I'll see you on Sunday. I'll have the revised contract for you, and then we can really start to play."
"Play?"
"I'd like to do a scene with you. But I won't until you're signed so I know you're ready."
"Oh. So I could stretch this out if I don't sign?"
"Well, I suppose you could but I might crack under the strain."
"Crack? How?" Oh sure, now she's really paying attention. Always so eager for information this one.
I nod slowly, smiling, "Could get really ugly."
"Ugly, how?"
"Oh, you know, explosions, car cashes, kidnapping, incarceration."
"You'd kidnap me?"
"Oh yes."
"Hold me against my will?" Her eyes grow bigger with each new question.
"Oh yes. And then we're talking TPE 24/7." Just the thought has my cock begging to search out her sweet nectar again.
"You've lost me."
"Total Power Exchange- around the clock. So you have no choice."
"Clearly." She says sarcastically and she makes my fucking day. Let's get this party started Miss Steele. Rolling your eyes has just earned you spanking number one. Fuck yes. I cannot wait.
"Oh, Anastasia Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me?"
"No!"
"I think you did. What did I say I'd do to you if you rolled your eyes at me again?"
My palm and cock twitch simultaneously. I move to sit on the edge of the bed and pat the spot next to me.
"Come here."
She stands frozen to the spot like a statue. I imagine that if I were to touch her she would crumble to a pile of dust.
"I haven't signed…"
"I told you what I'd do. I'm a man of my word. I'm going to spank you, and then I'm going to fuck you very quick and very hard. Looks like we'll need that condom after all."
I can see her body respond to the tone of my voice and my words. I watch as she slowly disentangles her legs from under her and the uncertainty plays across her face.
Come here my Sweet. This will be great for both of us. That I can promise you.
"I'm waiting. I am not a patient man." Make me continue to wait and this will be worse for you, say no all together and it will surely be the worst for me.
She breathing is erratic and her eyes dilated, the black almost completely eclipsing the blue as she crawls toward me and obeys my command to stand up.
"Good girl."
I hold my empty hand out expectant for the condom in her possession. When I have it, I pull her quickly down across my lap and trap her between my right leg and left forearm effectively halting any attempts to escape my plans.
"Put your hands on either side of your head." Obeying without hesitation, that's new Miss Steele, and I like it.
"Why am I doing this, Anastasia?"
"Because I rolled my eyes at you," her voice is small and quiet.
"Do you think that's polite?"
"No."
"Will you do it again?"
"No." Yes. I know you will.
"I will spank you each time you do it, do you understand?"
Without leaving her room to respond I slowly pull down her sweatpants, delighting in the sight of her currently pale perfect ass glowing up at me. I gently caress the skin, increasing her body's awareness of the sensation, increasing its sensitivity to my touch before raining down the first blow. She attempts to push herself up and I counter by placing my hand between her shoulder blades. I repeat the pattern, caress and spank. I cannot help the image of good and evil that play out over my mind in the time I spend spanking her. Eighteen blows. It is a vision of white and red, the color of her skin before and after. With each new sting of my hand I feel excitement, arousal, fear, shame, and a warmth I've come to know is purely reserved for Anastasia. The contrasts are nearly too much to take but I'm overcome by the urgent need in my cock, straining for the release that is always sure to come after my delivering a punishment. I know there were words exchanged during this time but my mind became completely preoccupied with the war raging on inside of me, hard to register even the words that fell from my mouth.
"Enough." I say to the thoughts assaulting my brain. Enough! I just want to bury myself in this wonderfully beautiful and infuriating woman to silence the darkness ever-present and raging inside me. "Well done, Anastasia. Now I'm going to fuck you." Purely because I promised a hard fast fuck and I am a man of my word. No matter how much my desire is to now carry out a slow and rhythmic praise on her body. I gently rub her ass, now warm and rosy under my palm, and find her soaking wet pussy quickly inserting two fingers and I am rewarded with her gasp.
"Feel this. See how much your body likes this, Anastasia. You're soaking just for me." This brings me back to the present, silencing the war in my mind for just a moment's time. This woman is my safe haven. I cannot go soft in this moment. This was a punishment and should be treated as such.
"Next time I will get you to count." I pull on the condom and push off any clothing south of our waists. Pushing her onto the mattress, I revel in the site of her rosy ass ready and waiting, perked up in the air just for me. "I'm going to take you now. You can come" is the only warning I give before thrusting into her. The sex is carnal and needy, passionate and raw, not like the first few times we fucked. This was animalistic and as amazing and mind-blowing as it was, that warmth in my chest wanted something more, but I ignore it. I ignore it because this is what I know- this is my world. As she shatters into an orgasm I quickly follow, her name like a prayer on my breath, drained of all feeling and physical energy, we collapse onto one another utterly spent.
"Oh, baby, welcome to my world." I pull her onto my chest, her hair fanned across my arm, her smell eclipsing all other senses. "Well done, baby." I glory for a moment longer in the warmth that is our connection, physical and otherwise, before acknowledging the tank top she's still currently wearing.
"Is this what you sleep in?"
"Yes."
"You should be in silks and satins, you beautiful girl. I'll take you shopping."
"I like my sweats."
"We'll see," I say as I plant a kiss on the top of her head imagining her in every possible color of silk and satin, snuggled up and waiting for me each night in my bed… our bed. Whoa. Not okay. What the fuck kind of thought was that? I need some space. This woman has seriously gotten under my skin.
"I have to go." I say softly, not wanting to startle her because of my own insecurities. Plus, I do have a business meeting tomorrow and I must get going because of that also. One look at Ana and I want nothing more than to stay here, wrapped in her light for the night. "Are you okay?" I ask; I need to know she's okay. I busy myself by putting my jeans and button up back on.
"I'm okay," she answers quietly after a pensive thought.
Okay then.
"Where's your bathroom?"
"Down the hall to the left." I grab both condoms and proceed down the hall; looking in the cabinets for any type of cream or oil to soothe the sting she is experiencing. This is something Elena never did, she would never take the time to cherish me post scene, she would simply use me to her specifications and then discard me like yesterdays trash… but I always came back. I always came back. I shake my head to rid the thoughts, not now, and return to Ana.
"I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind."
Not looking up to meet my gaze she quietly responds "No. I'll be fine."
"Anastasia." I will not allow her to feel used, she is cherished by me, and she will experience this as such. I sit down and slowly pull her across my lap again. I pull down her sweats again and caress the oil into her skin with a tenderness foreign to even my best subs after the worst of punishments. There is something about Anastasia Rose Steele that captivates me and causes me to desire to be a better man. I don't want to look to closely at that right now, but here taking care of her, I feel lighter and more at peace.
"I like my hands on you." I say with all the reverence I feel before I finish with her aftercare. "There… I'm leaving now…" Secretly I hope she'll stop me, but the CEO and Dom in me are fully aware that I need to leave.
"I'll see you out." Please, Ana, look at me… I need to see in your eyes what your words refuse to say. I take her hand to close the space between us, both physically and emotionally.
"Don't you have to call Taylor?"
"Taylor's been here since nine. Look at me," I plead.
"You didn't cry…" I have an incredible reverence and awe for that fact. Even the submissives who craved pain and were so well versed in the lifestyle cried at one punishment or another. I surely cried after my first, not that I want to relive that memory right now. I will not taint this night with thoughts of that. "Sunday." I whisper after showing her all the feelings coursing through my veins in the midst of a passionate kiss. I leave her standing in the doorway, forcing myself to keep my eyes trained ahead of me because I know with all certainty that if I look back I'll lose all willpower and stay the night.
I call Elliot once I arrive back in my room.
"Hey bro, what's up? How's that sweet thing Ana treating you?"
I grit my teeth and remind myself who I'm dealing with before answering. The playboy of Seattle. He's stuck his dick in more orifices, female and male alike, than I could even imagine. But he enjoys himself and assures me that he's always safe so who am I to judge. However, if he ever refers to my Ana in a way that is less than desirable by my standards I'll put him in his place.
"By that huff on the other end I'm going to assume you're happy and that you're pissed I'm encroaching on your territory… Anyway, I want to let you know how amazing things are with Kate and I! Thanks for bringing me to distract her, she's one seriously hot piece of ass. Spunky. Spicy. And so mouthwateringly-"
"Elliot! I did not call you to hear about your sex life with Miss Kavanagh. I called to check that you're still helping them move."
"Yeah, I wouldn't miss it. Getting to watch those two 'bend and snap' picking up boxes and setting them down. Christ, I'm hard just thinking about it!"
The image of some movie Mia forced us to watch flits through my mind, a blond-bimbo turned lawyer in the blink of an eye teaching a salon of women to pick up a man by this stupid trick. Elliot and I mocked it for weeks after until Mia finally had enough.
"I'm going to ignore all of that and thank you for helping them. Keep your hands to Kavanagh and Kavanagh alone, Elliot. I mean it."
And with that I end the call to check my email, after countless spreadsheets are scanned over I decide to let Ana know how much I enjoyed her company tonight.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: You
Date: May 26 2011 23:14
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele,
You are quite simply exquisite. The most beautiful. Intelligent, witty, and brave woman I have ever met. Take some Advil- this is not a request. And don't drive your Beetle again. I will know.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Flattery
Date: May 26 2011 23:20
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr. Grey,
Flattery will get you nowhere, but since you've been everywhere the point is moot.
I will need to drive my Beetle to a garage so I can sell it- so I will not graciously accept any of your nonsense over that.
Red wine is always more preferable to Advil.
Ana
P.S.: Caning is a HARD limit for me.
I feel the distance in her words staring back at me on the screen. No wit, no charm, but words devoid of anything warm that I've come to know with her. Fuck. What did I do? I should go to her, let her see how much she means to me. Let her know my flattery is not just empty words but a true yearning to be close to her… I should do those things, instead…
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Frustrating Women Who Can't Take Compliments
Date: May 26 2011 23:26
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele,
I am not flattering you. You should go to bed.
I accept your addition to the hard limits.
Don't drink too much.
Taylor will dispose of your car and get a good price for it, too.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Maybe I should just remove all the canes from the room? If it's a hard limit then maybe they shouldn't even be in the room. I'll deal with that later.
Just as I begin to calm, her reply comes through.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Taylor- Is He The Right Man for the Job?
Date: May 26 2011 23:40
To: Christian Grey
Dear Sir,
I am intrigued that you are happy to risk letting your right hand man drive my car but not some woman you fuck occasionally. How can I be sure that Taylor is the man to get me the best deal for said car? I have, in the past, probably before I met you, been known to drive a hard bargain.
Ana
It is as if I've free fallen from the top of Escala and landed flat on my back. With the wind knocked out of my lungs, I read her words four times before replying, trying to keep my temper and hurt in check.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Careful!
Date: May 26 2011 23:44
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele,
I am assuming it is the RED WINE talking, and that you've had a very long day.
Though I am tempted to drive back over there to ensure that you don't sit down for a week, rather than an evening.
Taylor is ex-army and capable of driving anything from a motorcycle to a Sherman tank. Your car does not present a hazard to him.
Now please do not refer to yourself as "some woman I fuck occasionally", because, quite frankly, it makes me MAD, and you really wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Running my hands through my hair I begin to pace around the suite. How can she say she's just some woman I fuck occasionally? She means more to me than any other woman I've ever fucked… Christ, I made love to her; I took it slow, the first time. I want to take care of her. Why can't she accept this? Why doesn't she accept me? I pour myself a stiff two-finger whiskey to temper the lack of control I feel over this situation.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Careful Yourself
Date: May 26 2011 23:57
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr. Grey,
I'm not sure I like you anyway, especially at the moment.
Miss Steele
Again, her words hit me with such force that I feel all air stolen from my lungs. The warmth in my chest runs cool and my stomach knots in an impossible form.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Careful Yourself
Date: May 27 2011 00:03
To: Anastasia Steele
Why don't you like me?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
The minutes between correspondence feel like a millennia.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Careful Yourself
Date: May 27 2011 00:09
To: Christian Grey
Because you never stay with me.
"Taylor. I'm going to Miss Steele's… No, I'll get myself back here tomorrow morning to leave for the meeting. Thank you."
When I arrive the light from Ana's room is dark but I knock anyway. Kate answers and I am immediately hit with a wave of fury.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"
"I need to make sure Ana is okay. She wished for me to stay the night with her. And that is what I'm going to do."
"Well, you can't!" Kate yells, stomping around their living room like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
"I'm going to. I gave her my word that I would take care of her and this she said she needed this. You aren't going to stop me." I keep my voice even and measured. I won't lose my shit over Kavanagh.
"What the fuck have you done to her now? Since she's met you she cries all the time."
I've had enough of her. I begin to make my way into the house and am met with Kavanagh attempting to push me back out the door by my arms.
"You can't come in here!" I side step her and stride to Ana's room at a quickened pace, throw open the door, and switch on the light. What I see results in the air evaporating from my lungs for the third time since I've last seen her.
"Jesus, Ana," I say under my breath as I turn off the light and move toward her bed.
Ana is curled onto her bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Her face is red and puffy and her chest is heaving as she sputters, "what are you doing here?"
I switch on her bedside table as Kate comes to the doorway. "Do you want me to throw this asshole out?" I can feel the tension radiating off her, her Domme stance, if you will. Ana thankfully shakes her head no, "Fine, holler if you need me. Grey- you're on my shit list and I'm watching you." She turns to leave but cracks the door an inch before disappearing into the apartment.
I stare down at this beauty of a woman. I've broken her. She gave me a piece of herself, trusted me to take care of her and I failed her. She also failed to communicate with me. How can I trust her to tell me when her limits are being reached if she won't communicate with me? I hand her a handkerchief from my jacket. Her tears have stopped by her body is still shaking as her lungs gasp for the air they've been deprived of throughout her breakdown.
"What's going on?" My voice is quiet and small.
"Why are you here?"
"Part of my role is to look after your needs. You said you wanted me to stay, so here I am. And yet I find you like this… I'm sure I'm responsible, but I have no idea why. Is it because I hit you?"
She says nothing but attempts to sit up and winces from the pain on her ass.
"Did you take some Advil?" She shakes her head and I have the urge to spank her again for disobeying. Instead I go in search of Advil and water, running into Kate in the kitchen I explain that Ana has a headache from the crying.
"Take these. Talk to me. You told me you were okay. I'd never have left you if I thought you were like this." My words are sincere and my chest warms a pinch as she takes the Advil and allows me to sit next to her. She's quiet, staring down at her knotted hands.
"I take it that when you said you were okay, you weren't."
"I thought I was fine."
"Anastasia, you can't tell me what you thin I want to hear. That's not very honest. How can I trust anything you've said to me?" I'm speaking more to myself than her, running my hands through my hair wondering how I could have gotten all of this so wrong.
"How did you feel while I was hitting you and after?"
"I didn't like it. I'd rather you didn't do it again."
"You weren't meant to like it."
She finally makes eye contact with me and asks, "Why do you like it?"
"You really want to know?" The watered-down kid friendly PG version of course… not the fifty shades of fucked up and depraved.
"Oh trust me, I'm fascinated." As the sarcasm drips from each syllable I feel my temper rise.
"Careful…" I warn.
"Are you going to hit me again?" She asks as the leans away from me on the bed. Shit. That's not what I want at all…
"No, not tonight."
She visibly relaxes on the bed, her posture slumping from the weight of the evening.
"I like the control it gives me, Anastasia. I want you to behave in a particular way, and if you don't, I shall punish you, and you will learn to behave the way I desire. I enjoy punishing you. I've wanted to spank you since you asked me if I was gay." Both my cock and my palm twitch at the same time when recalling the memory.
"So you don't like me the way I am?"
What? Why would she think that? I love the way she is, everything about her. Why would she ever think I don't?
"I think you're lovely the way you are."
"So why are you trying to change me?"
"I don't want to change you. I'd like you to be courteous and to follow the set of rules I've given you and for you to not defy me. Simple."
Her face contorts like she's trying very hard to understand my words.
"But you want to punish me?"
"Yes, I do."
"That's what I don't understand."
I'm feeling exhausted. I'm not sure I can ever get her to understand my darkness, the reasons behind my drives in this lifestyle.
You're the one who wanted a virgin who isn't in the lifestyle, Grey. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
I sigh and concede to answer in a way that keeps the distance but will hopefully satisfy her need to know. "It's the way I'm made, Anastasia. I need to control you. I need you to behave in a certain way, and if you don't- I love to watch your beautiful alabaster skin pink and warm up under my hands. It turns me on."
"So it's not the pain you're putting me through?"
"A bit, to see if you can take it, but that's not the whole reason. It's the fact that you are mine to do with as I see fit- ultimate control over someone else. And it turns me on. Big time, Anastasia. Look, I'm not explaining myself very well… I've never had to before. I've not really thought about this in any great depth. I've always been with like-minded people." I shrug my shoulders as if that should answer everything else. "And you still haven't answered my question – how did you feel afterward?"
"Confused."
"You were sexually aroused by it, Ana." I recall the memory behind my eyelids of her dripping folds and how quickly she came. Yes, aroused indeed. When I reopen my eyes, hers are needy calling to the part of me that only she hits- that warmth spreading from my chest to my cock.
"Don't look at me like that." Please, don't.
She frowns and I almost hear her questioning what she's done wrong.
"I don't have condoms and you know, you're upset. Contrary to what your roommate believes, I'm not a priapic monster. So, you felt confused?" She shifts uncomfortably on the bed and remains silent. "You have no problem being honest with me in print. Your emails always tell me exactly how you feel. Why can't you do that in conversation? Do I intimidate you that much?"
She begins picking at nothing on her quilt and I am drawn into her every movement, trying desperately to hang onto her.
"You beguile me Christian. Completely overwhelm me. I fee like Icarus flying too close to the sun."
I'm sure I audibly gasp at her words. "Well, I think you've got that the wrong way around," I whisper. Surely, no other woman would have me challenging everything I know about my world at every turn… thinking about "our" bed… holding her up on a pedestal so high her nose should surely bleed from the sheer altitude… vanilla sex… thinking about "more". Surely, she has that the wrong way around.
"What?"
"Oh, Anastasia, you've bewitched me. Isn't it obvious?..." After a long pause, "You've still not answered my question. Write me an email, please. But right now, I'd really like to sleep. Can I stay?" Please say yes…
"Do you want to stay?" Yes…
"You wanted me here." Why can't I just tell her YES I'd like to stay with you tonight? I sleep better when you're with me.
"You haven't answered my question." She prompts.
"I'll write you an email." I reply, smirking inwardly at the situation I've just created. I empty my pockets onto the nightstand and strip down, feeling Ana's eyes on me at every turn before climbing into her bed beside her.
"Lie down."
She slides into the covers next to me, staring into my eyes.
"If you're going to cry, cry in front of me. I need to know."
"Do you want me to cry?"
"Not particularly. I just want to know how you're feeling. I don't want you slipping through my fingers. Switch the light off. It's late, and we both have to work tomorrow." She reaches to turn off the light and before she get's too comfortable I instruct her to lie down with her back to my front. If I've learnt anything about this woman since we've met, she definitely just rolled her eyes at me. I'll let this one slide. I pull her body closer to mine and kiss the back of her head, inhaling the scent from her hair for the first time in hours feeling like I can take a full and rejuvenating breath.
"Sleep, baby."
I take comfort in her presence and in her grace, drifting into a dream filled with warmth, light and laughter.