Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

As always, my thanks to MsAmbrosia and Browns for their help with this story. I appreciate them so much!

*peeks out* Is anyone still with me? If you are, thank you. If you're just joining, welcome. :)

Longer A/N at the end. For now, I'll let you get on with the story. You may or may not need tissues.

Previously...

"Do you ever think about the future…our future?" His words were barely audible, but I caught them easily.

"Constantly." I didn't hesitate or even consider lying to him. I did think about our future; I thought about it all the time.

"What do you think about?" His nose skimmed across the back of my neck and I practically purred at the sensation.

"You really want to know?" My hands tightened where they lay against his arms, wondering if he'd really want to hear my secret fears and desires about our future together.

"Absolutely." His voice was a bit louder and his body seemed to tense slightly behind me.

I blew out a breath, giving me a second to put it all together in my head before I spoke.

"Well, if I'm having a bad day or if I've had a bad night, I wonder if we'll make it through unscathed. Sometimes I wonder if you'll continue to love me despite all my issues, or if you'll walk away when you get tired of dealing with my drama."

His arms squeezed me to him. "Baby…"

"But." I stressed the word so he'd let me continue. "Most of the time I think about living with you. I wonder how it'd feel to live together full time, rather than just this makeshift living together we've been doing for the last couple of months. I think about…good things, like vacations and lazy days in bed. I think about happily ever after."

The future I hoped and dreamed of with Edward was never far from my thoughts.

"Can I ask what this happily ever after consists of?" His lips were at my neck again, leaving a trail of kisses up to my jaw.

Normally, this question would make me pause, make me wonder if telling him what I really wanted would scare him off. However, being wrapped up in his arms, lying in this hotel suite after spending the most romantic night ever with the man I loved, I couldn't be anything but honest with him.

"I think about houses and puppies, weddings and honeymoons. I think about coming home from work, checking the mail and cooking dinner. I think about yelling at you to put down the toilet seat down and pick up your socks off the floor. I think about making love in a bed that's ours and sharing kisses over breakfast in the morning. I think about babies and being a soccer mom. But mostly, I dream of just being with you – forever."

He flipped us so I was on my back on the bed while he hovered over me. I looked up into his eyes and saw them shining with happiness. His whole face radiated love and I couldn't help but smile at the vision he created.

"I think about the all same things, all the time. I never want to be without you, Bella. Ever."

A tear fell from my eye and Edward reached up with his thumb to wipe it away. "I wasn't going to do this exactly this way, but sometimes the moment just seems to fit." He paused and I felt my breath catch, wondering what he had planned.

He wasn't going to ask me to marry him, was he? Now? I mean…oh crap.

"Bella, will you move in with me?"

BPOV

I stared at him for only a moment before a huge smile overtook my face. "Yes. Absolutely, yes!"

His lips were on mine once again and I threw my arms around his shoulders, pulling him toward me. He took just an instant to grab a condom before his legs parted mine and he slipped inside of me, connecting us once more.

"Oh, baby…" He groaned against my mouth as my fingers dug into his shoulder blades.

"Edward…" I breathed out, loving how he felt inside of me, how every part of us was touching in some way.

This time our lovemaking was slow and sensual, our pace matching our mood. Even our climaxes ended with soft sighs and quiet moans, our bodies shuddering against each other.

When we had recovered once again, he gazed at me sleepily. "We're moving in together."

I smiled and sighed, snuggling into his chest. "Yeah we are."

And with that happy thought in our heads, we drifted off to sleep.

We spent the next morning making love – in the bed, in the bathtub, in front of the glass doors leading out to the balcony. I had never been so thankful for late check-out in my life.

The rest of the weekend passed on the same wonderful high. Edward and I spoke some about our decision to move in together. We decided to speak to Emmett and Alice first before making any firm decisions about anything. I couldn't lie; I was a little worried about how Alice was going to take our news. I knew she'd be happy for us, but based on our conversation from just a few weeks ago, I didn't want her to feel as though I was abandoning her.

Edward had to work Sunday night, so after we returned home on Saturday morning, he called Emmett while I spoke to Alice about having brunch the next day. Everyone was available so we all gathered at The Maltby Café late Sunday morning.

Edward waited until everyone had ordered before he brought up our news.

"Um, guys? Bella and I kind of wanted to talk to you about something…" Edward put down his coffee cup and met Emmett and Alice's questioning looks head on. Rose's eyes sparkled and I had a feeling she knew what was coming.

"Uh, so this weekend, Bella and I talked about some things and well, I kinda asked her to move in with me and she said yes."

There were hearty smiles and congratulations from our three companions. Alice's eyes were shining and she looked genuinely happy for us. I blew out a sigh of relief at her reaction, knowing I should have had more faith in my best friend.

Once everyone was settled into their seats again, Emmett and Rose had an announcement of their own.

"Apparently this seems to be the day for good news." Emmett took Rosalie's hand and after giving her a quick dimpled grin, turned to us. "I asked Rosalie to marry me this weekend and she agreed."

This time the table exploded. There were cheers, tears and hugs passed all around and Alice and I both clamored to see the rock on Rose's left hand. Emmett's smile was so big I thought his face might split in half and Rose began crying as she told us about how he proposed on Friday night.

Seemed like our Cullen men had both unknowingly planned this weekend to pop some big questions to the women they loved.

Emmett and Rose had decided on a late summer wedding, neither wanting to wait long to get married. They also planned on making it a destination wedding, knowing that either the Cullens or Hales would have to travel anyway, depending on whether the wedding took place in Washington or New York. This way everyone could travel and have a vacation at the same time. The final destination hadn't been decided on yet, but Rose told us she had a few places in mind.

Emmett brought his fork full of his pancake sandwich to his mouth. "Have you two decided where you're going to live?"

Edward shook his head. "We wanted to talk to you and Ali first, but I imagine we'll get our own place?" He looked to me for confirmation and I shrugged.

"Um yeah? I just assumed…I mean, we haven't talked about it, but…yeah?"

"We still have to work out the details, but when we know, we'll let you know." Edward brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

Brunch ended on a high note with more hugs and kisses handed out as we left the restaurant. Edward and I headed back to my apartment, while Alice went to make sure things at the shop were going okay. Rose dragged Emmett away promising him he could watch a basketball game after he helped her narrow down where they'd be getting married.

"Big weekend for the Cullen clan, huh?" Edward asked as we settled down in front of the TV in the living room.

"Yeah, I'd say." I bit my lip, contemplating. "Have you thought about where you wanted us to live?"

"Honestly, it doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm with you," Edward said, smiling at me before leaning over to give me a peck on the lips. "Capitol Hill, Queen Anne, West Seattle, anywhere. I really don't care as long as I get to come home to you every night."

We talked for hours about the best place for us to live. I would have loved to be closer to work, but moving closer to the University would mean Edward would have to be further away from the hospital. Ultimately, we decided that we would look for apartments and condos in the neighborhoods closest to our jobs. Wherever we found the place that we liked the best was where we would settle.

As we climbed into bed and fell asleep that night, I smiled as Edward's arms wrapped around me. It had been the best weekend of my life and I couldn't imagine how things could get much better. I was in love with one of the most caring, understanding, supportive, amazing men on the planet, and amazingly enough, he loved me back. We were moving in together and our future stretched out in front of us bright and sunny. My therapy with Dr. Whitlock was going well and I began to feel as though I might just be able to conquer the hurdle that was the accident and the loss of my mom and Phil.

I felt better than I had in months. With a smile, I drifted off in Edward's arms.

I hated doctors.

It didn't matter that I was at the gynecologist for a routine check-up and that I knew exactly what to expect. The fact was I hated doctors, doctor offices and anything having to do with the medical profession. Spending weeks in a coma and then months in a rehabilitation facility might have had something to do with my feelings.

"Ms. Swan?" A tall, older, dark-haired nurse stood at the door and called my name. I sighed as I stood, making my way back to her, walking as if I was off to the torture chamber. She just laughed at me and introduced herself as Therese. After taking care of the usual stuff – weight, height, peeing in a cup – she escorted me back to a small examination room. Handing me a gown to change into she told me to get naked, put the gown on and she'd be back in a minute to do some initial intake questions with me since it was my first visit.

Therese was back five minutes later, knocking to make sure I was all covered up before she entered. She sat down at a computer to the right of the examination table and began asking a series of questions about my medical history and my purpose for being there today.

"This is your first visit, correct?" Therese asked as she typed something into the keyboard.

"Um, yes. I moved to Seattle in January and well…here I am." I fidgeted nervously on the exam table just wanting to get this visit over with.

"Did you happen to send your records from your previous doctor?" Therese turned to look at me and smiled. "Dear, you should try to relax. Dr. Reilly is good at what he does. He'll make this as painless as possible."

I sighed. "Okay. Um, yes, I had my records sent." When Dr. Whitlock had asked me to release my medical records to him, I thought it would be prudent to have my records sent here as well. While Dr. Reilly would probably have no use for the records from Florida, I figured it wouldn't hurt to have him have an account what happened. With all the injuries that had happened to my lower abdomen, there might be something that he'd need to know. My stomach clenched at the thought. No one had told me that I had any lasting injuries that might have affected my reproductive organs, and I hoped Dr. Reilly wouldn't find anything today that someone else had missed.

"Ah, yes. It's all entered here." With that, Therese closed the program and stood up. "I'll let Dr. Reilly know you're ready and we'll be back in just a few minutes."

True to her word, she and Dr. Reilly were in the room just a few minutes later. Dr. Reilly introduced himself and took a minute to glance over my records on the computer.

"So Bella, you're here today for a routine check-up?" He asked, pulling latex gloves over his hands.

"Um, yes. And to get back on birth control." I bit my lip, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

Dr. Reilly looked back at the computer screen. "It looks like your doctor in Sacramento had you on Ortho-Cyclen. Any side effects or things you didn't like about being on that pill?"

I shook my head. "No, it was fine."

Dr. Reilly nodded. "And you stopped taking it…" He looked back at the computer screen. "…Around August of last year?" His brow furrowed as he read further along. "Ah…I see."

Turning back to me, he gave me a small smile. "Well, let's take a look, shall we?"

The exam commenced and as usual, it was as uncomfortable as always. Dr. Reilly was gentle, but my tenseness did not make things easy for either one of us.

Finally, having done all he had to do, he stood and removed his gloves before washing his hands. "I'll give you a moment to get cleaned up and re-dressed, Bella, and then I'll be back in to talk to you."

I nodded and he and Therese left the room. I dressed quickly, happy to be out of the gown and stirrups and back into my clothes. My hands shook a little as I waited, my nerves overtaking me. I wished he could have just told me whatever he had to say, even if it meant I had to talk to him while I was practically nude. I was scared to death he was going to tell me he found something, or that something was wrong. The wait was torture.

Dr. Reilly knocked a few minutes later and entered the room on my okay.

He sat down on the stool in front of the computer and smiled at me. "Bella, things look good. I was a little concerned about the injuries from your accident, but from what I can tell, everything is fine. We'll explore further if needed. For instance, if you have complications or trouble getting pregnant when the time comes, we'll dig a little further. But for now, things look real good."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "That's a load off my mind, thank you."

He stood and gave me another smile. "I'm glad. Right now, I think we'll see you in six months, just to make sure your birth control is working out and for me to make sure things still look the same. You can of course, call me sooner if you have any problems or concerns."

I nodded. "Great. Thank you."

Dr. Reilly shook my hand and escorted me out of the exam room. Before I left, I picked up my prescription for my birth control and texted Alice to let her know I was on my way to the store. As I walked out into the sunshine, I breathed deep, letting it out in one huge gust of relief.

Everything is okay.

My worries had been for nothing; I hadn't lost something else due to the accident. Could everything really be coming together or should I brace myself for the other shoe to drop?

I snapped myself out of it. There was no use borrowing trouble when I had plenty of it already. I needed to just take life as it came and hope for the best. I was grinning as I hailed a taxi.

Alice was skipping around the shop changing displays when I arrived. I stood and watched her for a bit, amused by her antics.

"Hey, Alice."

She whirled around at the sound of my voice and gave me a huge grin. "Bella!" She skipped across the shop and threw her arms around me. "Hi!"

"Hello. You look awful chipper this afternoon." I grinned at her as she stepped back from me.

"Isn't it a beautiful day? April is right around the corner, the sun is shining and the flowers are about to bloom." Her smile was as bright as the sun she spoke of.

Okay, now she was just scaring me. "Um, Ali? Are you all right?"

"Of course, silly! I'm wonderful!" She did a little pirouette right in the middle of the store, causing Kristen, who was standing behind the counter, to laugh.

"Uh huh. Um, are you okay to leave for lunch?"

"Yup! Let me just…." She trailed off as she put the scarf she was holding around the mannequin next to us, and then skipped over to Kristen to let her know she was leaving.

We walked over to one of the small coffee shops nearby, ordering sandwiches and smoothies to share for lunch. Unable to resist the perfect day, we walked down to the waterfront to eat.

Once we were settled on a bench and began eating, I questioned her.

"Okay, BFF. What's going on with you? Why are you so chipper this morning?"

Alice smiled. "I don't know. I can't explain it. I just feel like…something good is coming. That everything is just…" she sighed "…going to be perfect."

I couldn't help but grin right along with her. "You seem awfully sure of yourself."

She nodded and picked up her sandwich. "I am. I just have a really good feeling about life lately. I don't even think I can explain it. Just that…everything's going to be all right – better than all right. It's going to be perfect."

Alice's attitude was infectious and I couldn't help but pick up on her positivity. We got so caught up in the moment that I didn't realize I was running late for my appointment for Dr. Whitlock until I looked at my watch and realized I was supposed to be across town in ten minutes.

Alice calmed me and offered to drive me over and then pick me up. I was still going to be a little late, but it was better than trying to hail a cab at lunchtime. She dropped me off in front of his office and promised to be back to pick me up in an hour.

I dashed inside, apologizing to Jazz. He just waved me through to his father's office, where Dr. Whitlock was sitting behind his desk waiting patiently for me.

It didn't take more than ten minutes for me to be sobbing into my hands. Dr. Whitlock smiled at me, an understanding look crossing his face as he handed me a box of tissues.

"Bella, what you're feeling is perfectly normal. You've been through an ordeal that you never truly got to deal with and move on from. Now that you're doing so, your emotions are going to reflect that."

"I feel like I'm all over the place, though. A half an hour ago, I was sitting in the park, laughing with my best friend. Now here I am, snotting and sobbing all over your couch. I just want to feel normal again!"

Dr. Whitlock nodded. "I can understand that and I think you'll see an evening out of your emotions once the medication has been in your system for a bit as well as we work through your grief and your guilt."

At his word "guilt," I began crying harder. "Shit."

He waited me out, just like he usually did. "Will I ever not feel guilty? I was driving. I killed them."

I got a stern look in response to my words. "You did not kill them."

"I fell asleep."

"According to what you told me, and the police reports, if you fell asleep it was for seconds, and you didn't cross the yellow line. You were hit by a drunk driver, Bella. Your mother and Phil were not wearing their seat belts. That is what killed them. Not you."

"If I had been more alert, I could've gotten out of the way."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

His matter of fact words had me raising my head to look at him. "Bella, the truth of the matter is, we could spend days – months, even – sitting here playing the coulda, shoulda, woulda game. The problem with that game though, is that it won't change anything. What happened, happened. And it sucks." My eyes widened at his choice of words. "What? It sucks, does it not?"

I gave a watery half-laugh and nodded. "Yeah, it sucks hard."

"The thing is Bella, I'm not here to play the what-if game with you. It won't help you heal, and it certainly won't make you feel better and help you move on with your life. It will only hold you back. I'm here to help you move forward, so we're not going to go there."

"I can't seem to help it."

"I know, and I understand that, but the job I have is to get you to the point where you if you begin to do the what-if thing, that you can snap yourself out of it. It's to get you to a point where you understand that just because this horrible thing happened while you were driving, doesn't mean good things can't happen to you now. It's helping you accept the guilt you feel and being able to move on from it."

We stared at each other in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "Sometimes I feel guilty only because I know if I changed anything, I wouldn't be where I am now."

"And where are you?"

Taking a deep breath, I began my list. "I'm in Seattle. I'm living closer to my best friends and my family than I have since I was in high school and I've reconnected with them in ways I never knew were possible. I met Edward, who I love more than anything in this world. He asked me to move in with him."

Dr. Whitlock gave me a huge smile. "That's wonderful."

I nodded. "It really is. I have a job that I never considered before, and yet, I feel like I was born to do it. I'm happier than I ever remember being, and then I remember, I wouldn't be this happy if I hadn't been in that accident. And that makes me feel like a really bad person."

"That's normal, Bella."

"It sucks though."

"Yes, yes it does. But again, it changes nothing. The accident happened. You are where you are because this is the path your life is on. Going back and feeling guilty over something you can't change will not do anything. You'll just continue to feel guilty. You may even begin to push away or sabotage the very things that are making you so happy. And then what? You become unhappy, possibly lose what has made you happy and then what did that accident do for you but cause you more loss? What about looking at it as something that happened that caused you great loss, but out of it, arose some amazing and wonderful things?"

I was crying again, unable to reconcile what he was telling me. My brain got it, but my heart was having a harder time with the concept.

"Do you think your mother would rather have you wallowing in guilt over her death and what it has seemingly brought you, or do you think she'd rather have you just be happy?"

I swallowed and wiped my face. "She'd be thrilled that I was happy. She'd be so happy for me. She always told me that I shouldn't settle for anything other than complete and total joy, no matter what I was doing. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I should call her and tell her just how wonderful things are, and then I remember, she's not there to tell."

"It doesn't mean you can't talk to her."

Scoffing, I answered him. "You mean look up to the sky and have a conversation with her spirit?"

He chuckled. "Not necessarily. Maybe just sit in your living room and talk to her like she's sitting across from you on the couch. Maybe write her a letter. Go do something that she loved to do, or find a private spot and tell her what you're feeling. Just because she's gone from this physical world doesn't mean she can't hear you, Bella."

"I don't know if I believe in a heaven or an afterlife, Dr. Whitlock."

"You don't have to. But the woman your mother was didn't stop being just because her corporeal body is gone. She's in your father and every single memory he has of her. She's in the places you visited with her, and in the things she gave you and taught you. Someday, she may live on through your children and your grandchildren. Most importantly though, she's in you, because without her, you wouldn't be here and be who you are."

His words had me crying harder than ever. When he put it that way – afterlife or not – I knew exactly what he meant. She may not be here with me physically anymore, I may never hear her voice ever again, but she surrounded me every day of my life.

She had created me.

Dr. Whitlock gave me some time to collect myself before he gently told me that our time was up. He had given me so much to think about and my head hurt from all my crying. However, I knew Alice would be waiting for me and I had to go.

I told Dr. Whitlock I would see him on Thursday and he told me to call if I needed to talk before then. Walking out in to the outer office, I saw Jazz sitting behind the reception desk, smiling at me as I exited his father's office.

"You okay, B?"

I nodded. "Just an…intense session."

Jazz and I had struck up a friendship of sorts over the course of my visits to his father. We never talked about anything that happened within his father's office, but Jazz always asked me how I was every time I left. There was something about him that just excluded a calmness and serenity that had been hard to come by lately. He was going to make a wonderful therapist someday, and I took advantage of his presence to calm down after leaving his father's office. In doing so, we had forged an acquaintance that was slowly turning into a lovely friendship. Our conversations could be as mundane as talking about the weather, or as intense as discussing Obama's foreign policy, but they never failed to make me feel better.

That afternoon though, I just wasn't in the mood to talk. Spilling my guts to his father had drained me completely.

He stood up and walked from behind the desk to stand in front of me. "You look like you could use The Whit Special."

Giving him a quizzical look, I asked, "The Whit Special?"

He nodded and the next this I knew, I was receiving the Best. Hug. Ever. Only being wrapped up in Edward's arms felt better. Jazz had a way about him that just calmed me completely. Being surrounded by his presence in a huge hug just intensified the feeling. When he finally let go and stepped back, I found myself surprised that I actually did feel better.

"Holy crow, it worked." I looked at him in amazement.

He gave me a smug look as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Like I said, The Whit Special. Works every time. Be thankful – only extra special people ever get it."

I grinned. "Thanks."

I was just about to tell him goodbye when the door to the office burst open and Alice came flying inside.

"Bella, where have you been…" she trailed off, staring at Jasper. I was slightly concerned about her silence, because that's just not how Alice is; she's never just quiet. My first thought was that she was upset with Jasper and my proximity to each other, but we weren't really standing that close, despite the fact that he had just hugged me. I opened my mouth to ask Alice what was wrong, but she spoke again before I can say anything.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She walked toward us and stopped in front of Jasper.

My mouth was hanging open in shock at Jazz's reaction, who just looked like he had been gobsmacked. Looking down at her, he tipped his head just a bit and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am."

One look at Alice's face told me all I needed to know about what was happening in front of me.

Alice had found her man.

It took me almost an hour to get the two of them to separate long enough from gazing into each other's eyes for Alice to drive me home. The two of them made plans for later that night and I could only grin. It had never occurred to me to try and set Jazz and Alice up, and after seeing them together, I could've smacked myself. They were so perfect for each other; I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before.

Granted, I was a little wrapped up in my own head these days, but still…

Alice smiled the whole way home and it made me happy to see her so happy. I had never believed in love at first sight, but after seeing Alice and Jazz, I was now a firm believer.

Alice dropped me off at the apartment before going back to the boutique to try and find the perfect outfit for her first date with Jazz. He was picking her up at the right after work and Alice promised to give me all the details later.

I wondered if she'd even make it home tonight.

Walking into the apartment, I by-passed turning on any of the lights and went right to my room. Jazz's hug and his subsequent meeting with Alice had brightened my mood considerably, but I was still feeling a bit raw and exhausted.

At the same time, something had loosened inside of me during my meeting with Dr. Whitlock. I no longer felt completely bogged down in grief and guilt. It was still there, of course, and I wondered if it would ever truly go away.

Probably not, but for the first time since I woke up from my coma, I thought I might be able to accept it and learn to live with it.

I would need time to process what Dr. Whitlock and I had spent the afternoon talking about, and I was slightly happy that Edward was working that evening. It would give me a chance to decompress without watching him worry and wanting to make me feel like I had to share everything right away.

I took a shower to help me relax before crawling into bed with my journal. I wasn't hungry despite the fact that it was dinnertime, and I really just wanted to purge all my feelings out onto my journal's pages, hoping I'd be able to make some sense of my jumbled and confused – yet, hopeful – thoughts.

I only wrote a sentence or two before I fell asleep.

The Arizona sun is hot on my skin and I smile as I lift my eyes to the sky. It's been a long time since I've felt this peaceful and carefree.

The park is one I've been to a million times, a favorite place for both Mom and me. I grew up here and missed it dreadfully after moving to Forks. After Mom and Phil moved to Jacksonville I had never thought I'd come here again.

The park is strangely empty, but I don't think too much about it and I settle down under a Carob tree. A dribbling fountain isn't too far away and I can easily hear and see the water as it floats over the decorative stones. I close my eyes and lean back against the tree, letting the slight breeze play over my face.

"You know the good thing about meeting here, in your dreams? You don't need sunscreen."

My eyes pop open at her voice and I can't help the tears that spring to my eyes as she walks toward me, whole and healthy. The last time I had seen her was something that would forever be burned in my memory and it is a way no one should ever have to remember someone they love. The fact that I can see her, untouched by the horror of the accident, makes this meeting so much the sweeter.

"Mom."

She settles down next to me under the tree, placing a comforting arm around my shoulders. I can't stop the tears that come to my eyes or the way they cascade down my cheeks. I can actually feel the weight of her arm, the feel of her hair as it brushes against my chin when I lean in to hug her. Her other arm slips around me, and she holds me tight as I cry.

After a while, my tears slow and I lean back to look at her. She's smiling at me and looks so very happy to see me.

"My sweet girl. How I wished I could have come to you sooner. I felt so helpless watching you suffer the way you have."

I shake my head and cry a bit more. "I've missed you so, so much. I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry for what happened."

She reaches up and brushes my tears away. "Sorry? what are you sorry for? She searches my eyes for the answer, and when I don't respond, she continues. "Oh, darling. You have nothing to be sorry for; you did nothing wrong. Everything happened exactly the way it was meant to."

Hearing her say it is like a kick in the gut and I pull back from her. "Mom, how can you say that? I can't…I can't even…"

"Bella. Bella, darling, listen to me. Someday, a long, long time in the future, you will understand exactly what I mean. But until then, trust me when I say that everything happens for a reason, even that horrible accident. I would have done anything to save you from the pain and hurt that you suffered, but it was one of your lessons and you had to go through it. You can let it go now, my darling. I'm fine, and I'm happy and I'm always, always with you."

I lean down and bury my face in her lap, while she strokes my hair. "Bella, I want you to know that being your mother was the best thing I ever did in my life. You have brought me so much joy. There was so much happiness in my life because of you and I would not have traded a minute of our time together for anything in the world."

Her hands moved to cup my face and lift it up so I could look at her. "I need you to know that. Some of the best memories I have of us were the weeks we spent together on that trip and I hope that you'll start to remember the happiness of it rather than the way it ended. I want you to remember me that way, my darling, and try to let go of how it ended. It wasn't your fault, and I would never ever blame you for what happened."

I'm sobbing again, unable to control my emotions against the weight of her words. Through my tears I can barely see her small smile and I lean into her hand as she holds it against my cheek.

"I've watched you everyday since then and I know how much you suffered. If I could have changed anything, Bella, it would have been the pain you've gone through since I've been gone. But I've seen happiness in you too, and I'm so thrilled for you." Her smile is bright as she pushes my hair over my shoulder. "And that man of yours is one hot piece of man meat."

Her words bring a snort of laughter from me and I grin, realizing that she hasn't changed an ounce.

"He's so good for you, sweetheart. And his heart is pure of absolute love for you. He is your future and your happiness and you cannot allow the past to overshadow that." She gives me a small smile. "He loves you and I know you love him, so go and be happy. I don't blame you, I never did. No one ever did. I love you, Bella and I always will. I want you to go and enjoy the rest of your life. Be happy. Give me lots of grandbabies."

I laugh again, but it quickly turns to a sob. "Oh, Mom. I love you, too."

She runs a hand over my hair. "It's going to be good, baby, if you'll just let it be. I'm always with you, and I will always be." Leaning forward, she places a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Bella."

I woke up with a gasp, my hand out in front of me, as if I was still reaching for my mother. My cheeks were wet and my heart was beating wildly in my chest. My eyes scanned the room, taking in my surroundings. I knew I was in my room, but part of me was still back in the park in Phoenix. I could still feel her lips on my forehead, could smell her perfume.

I bit back a sob and wrapped my arms around myself. It was so good to see her again, and yet, so sad. Part of me was swamped in grief, while the rest of me was bathed in happiness.

She loved me. She watched over me. She didn't blame me.

"It wasn't your fault, and I would never ever blame you for what happened."

I hadn't known how much I craved her words until she had said them.

Everything loosened inside of me. I would always carry some guilt that I was the one driving the car when the accident happened, that I hadn't been paying enough attention to get us out of the way. I would never know what would have happened if I had been more alert, and it was nothing I could change now.

My heart was finally getting it.

I cried a bit longer, my tears part grief and part relief. It amazed me on some level that a dream could cause such a reaction in me, allowing me to begin to grasp the concept that the accident wasn't my fault and that what happened couldn't be changed.

There would never come a time when I wouldn't grieve or miss my mother. To suffer the loss of her, in the way she died – it wasn't something that would just disappear because of a comforting dream or some wise words from my therapist. However, it was finally occurring to me that it would get better; it would get easier.

I just had to allow the process to happen.

A/N:

So let me start with an apology for those of you who have been waiting for this sucker to update since February. I'm so sorry it took me so damn long. RL kicked my ass - I was in my last semester of graduate school and working on what was basically my thesis. It left me very little time to have anything to do with the fandom. My brain was just not in the right place to write this. So again, my sincere apologies.

That being said, in the weeks since I've graduated and work let out for the summer, I managed to finish the story. YAY! There will be one more chapter after this, followed by an epilogue that wraps everything up in a neat little bow. The next chapter is currently with Browns. I hope to have this marked as complete by July.

So have I done anything since February? Yup! In the need to take a break from my project and get creative, I saw an announcement for the Beautiful Bellies Contest. A plot bunny was born. I wrote a story called, Come Undone (it's on my profile), and it won first place in the contest! Cool, right? Check it out and let me know what you think.

Reviews will get teasers for Chapter 26.

I'd love to hear your thoughts! How did you feel about Bella's dream - or was it a dream at all?

Thank you again for reading!