Chapter Twenty-Five.
The day of the funeral arrived.
The darkest day of my life.
I hadn't slept the night before. A combination of my grief at losing James, and my argument with Ella kept me up all night.
I didn't know what had come over me. Part of me knew that what I had said to her was unjustified, but I didn't care. She hadn't done anything to help me when I needed it most. That was her choice.
She had brought this upon herself.
But I knew I had to put her out of my mind.
Today was about one person, and one person only.
It was time to say goodbye to him. Forever.
I had to say goodbye to James.
The skies were cloudy that day, and the air, chilled. It was as if the heavens themselves knew this was a dark day for us all.
I dressed in a black dress that one of the village widows had lent me. Alexander and Daniel dressed in Father's old things, that were still remarkably in the cottage. The others all found the darkest thing they owned. Even Bianca wore a black ribbon in her hair.
She wasn't going to attend the funeral, but she was going to accompany us on the journey. Although she couldn't be seen, she wanted to say goodbye to James in her own way. So, she was going to wait in the trees outside the graveyard, and listen.
I felt numb. Completely numb. It was hard to believe the day was finally here.
I was herded into the back of the cart with my siblings, and Alexander and Bianca sat at the front and drove us away.
The cart rattled on through the forest. I stayed silent the entire time.
I didn't want to talk to anyone. Daniel and Clara tried to cheer me up, but to no avail.
There was nothing that could pull me out of my mood.
The entire hour passed, and the cart finally pulled to a stop just outside the village. Glancing off to my right, I could see through the trees, Thorne manor. My former home, and now owned by the new lord of the manor.
Bianca jumped off the front of the cart, and moved around to the back.
She reached forward and grabbed my hand.
'You are strong, and brave. Don't ever forget that.' She told me. 'And I know this is going to be hard, but I know James would be so proud of you. I'll be just through there, if you need me. I'll be there for you.'
I nodded in understanding, and she let go, before pulling her hood up, and darting into the forest and out of sight.
My spirits sank as she left. During the past week, she had been the strength I had come to rely on. She had held me while I cried, she had told me to be brave, she had supported me through all of this.
It felt like my strongest limb was leaving me as I watched her disappear from sight.
Clara grasped my hand to stop it from shaking and nodded subtlely at me. My sister was going to support me. They were all going to support me. I was going to get through this.
Daniel started the horses again, and we rolled off, down into Arton.
There were already people at the graveyard by the time we got there. Many people of Arton greeted me, and offered me their condolences. I recognized the innkeeper's wife, and the butcher, and the owner of the dressmaker's shop.
They all told me how sorry they were to hear of his death. But I offered them my condolences too. They had lost their lord, who they had no doubt known for most of their lives. As much as I loved James, I had only really known him for a few short months.
I tried to be polite. I really did. But my heart just wasn't in it.
More and more people kept arriving during the following hour, slowly filling up the graveyard. I knew he had been well respected, but I didn't think the entire village would attend his funeral.
I was touched, truly touched, by how they had all come to say goodbye.
And then, the carriages began arriving.
The highborns Alexander had invited slowly began to join the crowd.
And then, a familiar highborn began to make his way towards me.
I let out a sort of broken whimper when I saw the friendly face of Antony walking toward me.
'Hello Marion.' He said, embracing me tightly.
'Thank you for coming.' I managed to utter.
'Of course.' He said, pulling back slightly. 'I wouldn't miss this for the world.'
As I studied his face, it became very obvious that he had been crying recently. His brown eyes were raw and red.
'I…I don't have the words...' He began. 'To tell you…how devastated I was…when I heard.'
I just nodded, knowing exactly how he must have felt.
'Did he…Was he in…much pain?' Antony asked with a shaking breath.
I nodded a little.
'It was…so sudden. But the physician, he gave him…something to soothe him…at the end. He…passed….while sleeping.' I said, hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
Antony covered his face with his hands, and I saw his shoulders shake slightly.
'He…I just can't believe that he's gone. He was always so…full of life.' He said.
I nodded in agreement. James was certainly that.
'He really cared for you. For the three of you.' I told him.
Antony murmured his agreement.
'Yes. And I can almost see him now. He'll be looking down from where ever he is, no doubt denying that he ever liked us. Or he'd be shouting at me to step away from his wife.'
I huffed a sad laugh. That did sound like him.
'Yes. He would.' I agreed.
'Can I...Is it rude to ask…But did you sort out, your disagreement? After the ball?' Antony asked.
I nodded.
He sighed in relief.
'Good. With everything that happened, it's good to know that was at least cleared up. I'd hate to think that…he…that he…passed… and you thought he didn't…love you.' Antony explained, his voice breaking a little.
That was all it took to make my own tears start.
'I knew. I knew…he loved me…and he knew that…I loved him. I just…I just miss him…so much' I cried.
'I miss him too. He was a good friend. And one of…the best men…I ever had…the privilege to know.' Antony sobbed.
We both found ourselves in each other's arms again as we both cried.
'He was twenty-four! Only Twenty-four years old!' Antony cried. 'It's…It's just too cruel He deserved more time.'
We both struggled to find the words as we wept. It was only when a gentle hand pulled on Antony's shoulder did we break apart, to see Christopher stood beside us, in all black, his eyes silver lined.
Ella was nowhere to be seen.
And I was grateful.
'It's time.' Christopher said, gesturing to the priest who had just arrived and was stood at the edge of the graveyard, next to a large carriage.
My stomach dropped.
This was it.
Fear, and devastation mingled within me. And I wasn't sure I could do this.
I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
I couldn't. It was too soon.
But, I knew I had no choice. James was gone, and this was the only chance I was ever going to get.
The three of us made our way slowly over to the priest, and my heart hammered loudly, and there was such ringing in my ears. My hands were shaking and the lump in my throat rose ever higher with every passing second.
We emerged out of the crowd, and were met by Alexander and Daniel, who were already talking with the priest. I hung back slightly, and let them discuss whatever detail they were talking about.
But then, my gaze fixed on the carriage behind them.
And the large coffin that lay inside.
I knew exactly who lay underneath that lid. I knew his face so well. That head of dark brown, slightly too long and slightly curling hair. That sharp jawline, and his shaped nose.
The nose he was worried about passing on to our children.
The children we were never going to have.
He was so close. I could just run to the coffin, throw back the lid, and hold him in my arms again.
But I knew it wouldn't be him. Or at least, not the person I had known.
There was just an empty shell. That was all that was left of him.
I wanted nothing more than to see those lovely green eyes I had fallen so deeply in love with. But they wouldn't be the same either. Lifeless and unmoving.
He was so close, and yet so far.
He was right there in front of me, and yet, he was unreachable.
And then, the realization came.
It finally sunk in.
James was dead.
This was all that was left of him.
An empty corpse.
Everything he had been. His voice, his mannerism, that stupid dammed smug smile.
That was all gone forever. It would only ever exist in my memory.
And I knew, I was going to fight with everything I had to keep it there.
Bianca was right. I did need to keep fighting. I needed to fight to keep in alive in my mind.
I was going to fight.
My argument with Ella had made me want to fight again, and I was never going to lose that.
'Lady Thorne?' The priest asked, and I nodded.
'It's time.' He said.
I nodded, and with a deep shuddering breath, I took my place behind the carriage.
Alexander, Daniel, Christopher and Antony stood by the coffin door, and slowly pulled the coffin out and lifted it gently onto their shoulders. I saw Antony sniffle as he carried his friend his arm braced around Christopher.
All four of them held onto each other for strength.
It only seemed right.
James was being carried by his brothers and the two men he had considered so close they might as well have been his brothers.
With one noticeable absence.
Philip.
Philip hadn't replied to the letter Alexander had sent. The last anyone had heard from him was that he was too busy with the royal court to attend Ella's ball. But we hadn't heard anything about his attendance of the funeral.
So, we had to continue without him.
The four of them carried James slowly behind the priest, and I followed, trying my best to keep my emotions in check.
But it was just too hard.
And impossible task.
I was walking behind the corpse of the man I had loved more than anything.
My husband. The love of my life.
I wept silently as I walked behind him, through the crowd of mourners. Most of them gazed at me with pity.
Alone, widowed, devastated.
We finally reached the space in the ground that had been already prepared, and the four pall bearers lowered him into the ground slowly.
The sight of the large wooden coffin in the hole in the earth was just too much for me to take.
I started outright sobbing at that.
The love of my life was in the ground. Never to come back.
Never to kiss me again. Never to tell me he loved me again. Never to smile at me again.
Twenty-four years old. He had been so young. Barely a man.
After everything we had gone through, this is where we had ended up.
At his funeral.
Till death do us part.
That was what we had promised only four short months ago.
And now, we had parted.
The priest began to talk, but I barely heard it.
My sobs were too loud.
And my heart was forever broken. Never to be healed again.
I felt someone place their arms around my shoulders, and I wiped away my tears long enough to see my brother Richard holding onto me, supporting me.
He just nodded understandingly, and let me cry.
The priest continued on, but none of it was about James. It was something about death.
Then, a loud gasp came from the back of the crowd.
Followed by another.
And another.
And another.
Until the priest eventually stopped talking, and everyone turned around.
Including me.
The crowd had parted, revealing a straight path to the back, where someone was stood in the center.
A slightly familiar man.
His light brown hair fell over his eyes slightly, and his black cloak fluttered in the wind as we all stared at him.
I froze in shock. As did many other members of the crowd.
For standing before us…was Philip.
Lord Philip Mallare. The man who had gone missing for months, only to end up being engaged to the long lost princess.
And one of James's closest friends.
I glanced sideways to see both Christopher and Antony staring at their friend in shock.
No one moved.
No one seemed to know how to react.
Then, Antony moved.
Almost running, he strode towards Philip, a great sob wracking his chest as he did.
Philip stood anxiously, as his friend flung wide his arms and embraced him, sobbing.
Christopher was not far behind Antony, he too embracing their lost friend.
Three friends, united in grief of the fourth.
Everyone seemed stunned, and unsure of what exactly to do. No one spoke, but no one seemed to be able to tear their gaze away from the reunited friends.
I wasn't sure how much time passed exactly, but the priest began to talk again, and everyone seemed to turn their attention back to the service. The three friends stayed at the back of the crowd, no doubt supporting each other.
I hardly knew what to think, about Philip's sudden reappearance.
But now wasn't the time to be thinking of that.
The service continued on, with very few personal things said about James. I knew that many people would say their goodbyes to him privately after the ceremony
The priest said his final blessing, and threw the first handful of earth onto the top of the wooden coffin.
And I knew that was the last time I was ever going to see it. This was truly the last time I was ever going to be this close to him.
With a shaking hand, I bent down and picked up a handful of dirt. Then, I slowly moved to the edge of the hole, and stared down.
The light brown coffin loomed before me.
James was there.
Right there.
And yet, so far away.
My heart shattered as I opened my fist, and the earth dropped onto the wood, making a light muffled thump.
He was truly gone.
The man who had danced with me at the ball. The man who had flirted with me at the wedding.
The man who had almost shot my sister.
The man who had come to the cottage.
The man who had saved me when all hope was lost.
The man who had married me.
James had been the one who had fired the servants to make me happy. He had hidden my siblings, had kept them safe.
He had supported me all the way through my curse. He had always been there for me.
He had made me fall hopelessly in love with him. And he had loved me so deeply in return.
He had taken my maidenhead, and made me a woman.
And he had made me so happy.
So very happy.
And I realised, that while I was devastated that he was gone, I was also so grateful to him. For making me so happy. I had been so lucky to love him. I was glad that I had known him, proud to have known him.
And I was never going to lose that.
'I love you.' I whispered to him, for the final time.
I had never spoken truer words.
I stepped away from the edge, and watched as other people also covered the coffin in a fistful of earth.
And, for the first time in weeks, I finally felt a little at peace.
I was always going to love him. And it was always going to hurt.
But I was so happy I'd had that time with him, however brief.
Those were the best days of my life, and I was forever grateful to him for giving them to me.
I had said my goodbye.
And It was going to get better.
It was.
It was going to get so much better.
Because I loved him.
And that was never going to change.
Once people started to clear away, I managed to make my way over to where the three friends were stood, in deep conversation.
They were all stood in a close knit circle, their heads lowered so no one else could hear what they were saying. And it was painfully obvious that all three of them had been crying.
Maybe it was selfish of me, to want to know where Philip had been all these months. James had gone after him, and we had parted for a week, the day after we had told each other we loved each other.
And in hindsight, knowing we had such little time together, I wanted to know why he had been dragged away from me.
'Excuse me.' I asked quietly, standing behind Christopher.
All three of them look up and stared at me.
'Marion. I don't know if you've met….this is Philip.' Antony said, gesturing to the late arrival.
I nodded.
'Yes. But you probably don't remember me.' I said, meeting Philip's gaze.
He seemed puzzled, and upset, and like he was trying, but failing.
'You do seem…familiar.' He said.
'I was Ella's bridesmaid at the wedding. I believe you were supposed to walk me back down the aisle before…before James changed the order…' I explained.
His eyes went wide with understanding.
'Yes, of course. Nice to see you again.' He said, but then seemed to realise his mistake.
'I mean…It's not nice to have to meet like this…in these circumstances…but nice to...you know.' He stammered.
He made to turn away, but Antony elbowed him, making Philip all the more confused.
'What?' Philip asked through gritted teeth. 'I'm in no mood to make small talk.'
'That's his wife, you idiot.' Antony hissed.
Philip paled.
'Oh…Oh I'm so…so sorry. I didn't mean to…I promise I'd never…I didn't know!' Philip managed to utter.
'it's alright.' I reassured him.
'My deepest condolences.' Philip said. 'James was…he was…'
He seemed to think about it for a minute, but then nodded to himself.
'He was an arrogant bastard, most of the time.' He said.
I was quite taken aback by his words.
Antony glared at him, and Christopher seemed to hang his head in disappointment.
'But, he was a good friend, when he chose to be. And he was one of the best people I knew.' Philip continued. 'And if he chose to marry you, then he must have loved you very much. He always used to go on about how he was never going to marry for advantage, purely to irritate his father. He wanted love.'
'He got it.' I told him. And I knew Philip believed me.
'But what about yourself?' I asked. 'The lost princess?'
Philip went a little red at that.
'It's a long story.'
'Oh well, Rose will be happy at least that she has a story to tell this time.' I told him.
Philip expression became almost unreadable. It was somewhere in the region of shocked and confused and skeptical.
'How do you know Rose wanted a story?' Philip asked slowly.
'She told me.' I said, innocently.
All three of their jaw's dropped.
'You met…how is that…how did you…Oh!' He cried, the realization coming to him suddenly.
'You're that Marion? The one who hid in her cellar, the day before I met her? The one with the stories?' Philip asked, shocked.
I nodded.
'That's me.'
'Small world.' Philip muttered.
'So, what happened? How did you meet Rose?' I asked.
'It's a long story, involving magic and fates, and….the fae.' Philip muttered. 'I'll maybe tell you another day.'
Confusion hit me, until I followed his sightline, and saw that Daniel was stood behind me, waiting for me.
And at the edge of the graveyard, all my siblings were ready to go, already on the cart.
I knew I could wait to hear Philips story. It would keep.
'I'd just like to say,' I told him, 'That if what you and Rose have is love, then hold on tightly to it.'
Philip smiled sadly.
'Because you never know when it will be taken away. And every moment will be something you will treasure. But…it's never enough. No time would ever be enough. So take it, while you can.'
Philip nodded kindly to me.
'I will Marion. I promise, for James, I will.'
I nodded my farewell's to the group, and turned to walk to my brother.
But, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of gold caught my eye.
There, waiting in one of the carriages, alone…was Ella.
She had come after all, but had stayed away from me.
Part of my wanted to run to her, and ask her if everything could go back to the way it had been before. But I knew that we could never go back. Not yet anyway. There were too many things said, too much done.
So that would have to wait. Until I could truly forgive her.
'Ready Arry?' Daniel asked, gesturing to the cart.
'Give me one moment. I need to…say goodbye.' I told him, before turning away and stepping towards the freshly covered coffin.
James's body lay underneath it, but not his soul. No, his soul was far away and close at the same time.
And I knew a piece of it would always remain in my heart, just as Bianca had said.
Standing alone before his grave, I read the newly carved gravestone.
Here lies Sir James Thorne
Friend, Brother, and Husband.
Taken too young, but forever with us.
Those words rang true.
He would be with us forever.
He would be a part of everything I was going to do. My life was no longer my own, but ours.
I'd hoped I'd never know heartbreak like this, but I had to live with it. I had to fight to keep him there. He deserved that.
Life had to go on.
This was not going to defeat me.
It was going to hurt, and it was going to be hard, but I was not going to let this win.
He was going to live as I carried on my life.
I had to carry on.
So, standing over the grave of the love of my life, I told him this.
'I'm never going to forget you James. Never. And I'm never going to stop loving you. And I will try…to move on…one day. But we are going to see each other again, but not soon. Wait for me, my love. It will be years from now, but we will get the time we deserve. Because I love you, and I know you loved me to. And nothing can ever take that away from us. So thank you…for making me…the happiest girl on earth. I'm so grateful…to have been…your wife…And I am so proud…to call you my husband. Rest easy, my love, and wait for me.'
Tears streamed down my face as I said these words, staring at his names carved into the cool unfeeling stone.
With one final look, I turned away, and began to walk from James's grave.
Daniel was still waiting for me.
'Are you alright?' He asked cautiously.'
'No.' I said truthfully. 'But I will be. One day.'
Daniel nodded.
'Let's go home.'
And I had to agree with him.
It was time to go home.