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CHAPTER 25: MEET THE DEVIL
Dean parked the Impala in front of the half open gates. A freezing wind replaced snow.
When he hung up the phone without even thanking the local council, he sighed and leaned his phone on his forehead, he was very nervous and confused, but he had to do it.
He got out of the car and leaned his elbow on the roof, staring at the gates… there was a monster buried with innocent people in here. How many victims were lying here six feet under in the same silence that they knew when they were still alive? How many torturers were buried right next to them?
Dean looked up at the sky… he never believed in God, and he didn't believe in evil anymore. The devil was just a nickname given to human beings when they were walking with darkness, or when perversion erased any traces of humanity in them.
He closed his eyes… it was already late afternoon, it took him hours to find that abandoned cemetery. Evil was buried here in the old cemetery, and the new one was far away at the other side of the town, almost like it refused the damned souls. The good citizens didn't want their family to rest with them.
Dean pouted, a little disgusted, and pushed the gates that surprisingly opened without a sound. When he entered and looked around, he noticed it wasn't abandoned like he thought it would be. Families were still coming here to visit their beloved ones, putting flowers on their graves. Only a few graves were forgotten.
The town council gave him the number of the alley and Dean walked to it, noticing it was in the back of the cemetery, far from everyone's look, far from unhealthy curiosity. Evil could attract a lot of people too. He made a disgusted face when he thought some people were maybe admiring her secretly, and he shivered at that idea.
In the empty house, right before it was destroyed the day before, a lot of objects disappeared. Only a few hours after she was declared dead, thieves found the way to enter to take what they wanted. Computer, TV, jewelry, statues… everything was stolen except the crosses hanging on the walls. After the Attic Boy was discovered, they started destroying everything they could too. Police never came to stop them, the house was meant to be destroyed… the walls were smelling like hell. The town always refused to sell it to any of the potential buyers.
When they destroyed it, Dean was here to look at the walls falling down, and he was a bit sad, because it was like erasing Castiel's past and the proof he really lived in hell. It was like it never existed. In a way, he would have preferred seeing the house be an evidence of what she did, at least it would teach people some of them are still suffering in silence. But human being hates looking at his cowardice, it's easier to deny and to erase the evidence.
Dean looked Castiel's past falling down, leaning against his car, his hands in his pockets, and he thought they even managed to take that away from him. He took a picture of it before they started destroying it of course, at least he would be able to show him, and to answer his questions if one day he would ask about it, or if he doubted it really happened.
Even Dean doubted about his past life sometimes, he wondered once if it wasn't just a vision of his tortured soul. Maybe one day he would wake up and realize it was just a bad dream. But his nightmares were still so vivid, they looked so real, he couldn't doubt anymore.
He left the destroyed house behind him, and he would never come back to this place, as he would never come back to his old house.
He walked forward in the cemetery, listening to his own footsteps. He kept walking listening to the birds singing, he looked at the cloudy sky, and without even realizing it, he arrived in the right alley. He read the names on the graves, and his eyes stayed on one particular one: a man and a child buried together. On the right of that grave, another one… abandoned. There was only an old and broken cross, and it was covered with moss.
"Elizabeth McLean."
He didn't look at the birth date, not even the death date. He was just staring at some fake flowers left at the bottom of the cross. There was also a rose bush in the back of the grave, and he could see someone had left cards, but he couldn't read it as it was erased by time and bad weather.
So people came here to bring her flowers… Why would someone do that? You don't bring flowers to the devil, you don't cry about an evil woman's death.
Dean closed his eyes and thought about his parents. They were cremated and Dean blew their ashes in the wind, so there was nothing left, and nowhere to go to remember them. There was only Sam resting in a columbarium but he never came back there. What was the point of it anyway? Sam was with him every day, and he would be forever by his side.
Castiel and Dean were the last proofs of their own past and their pains. Nobody would never witness them, all the people knowing them before were dead. Could people believe human being is able to inflict such pain to someone? When Dean tried to talk about his past or Castiel, people looked at him like he was a ghost, they all thought he exaggerated his pain to make them feel bad for him. He could read it in their eyes.
But you can read it in the papers every day, listen to the radio, watch the news, proofs were here! It happened to a lot of children, and some people had the guts to say it out loud to the world. Why would nobody listen? Who will remember the victims? Who will take care to listen to the screams harder? Nobody. They all refuse to see, especially if it happens right next to them.
God created human in his own image… Dean laughed… he should not be very good looking!
He kneeled and put a paper bag in front of him. He hesitated a few seconds but finally opened it shakily. He picked up white pajamas from it and put it on the cards near the fake flowers.
"You lost." He said his hand still leaning on the pajamas.
"You all lost." He insisted.
He thought about his father, then about his mother, and he thought about all the parents, all the monsters ready to terrorize their children for life. He thought about all those people who broke lives just to give a meaning to their own.
Dean stood up and looked at the empty paper bag in his hands one last time.
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He threw the bag and looked at his room, his shelter for all these past months, protecting him from his ghosts. Tomorrow he would be in his own apartment, and in a few days he would open the gate to a new place: Mc Arthur School.
His eyes leaned on the white book Leyla gave him to write his thoughts. Sometimes he wrote only words, sayings, or he drew some scribbles only he could understand. He never put a date on days, he hated dates, they were just here to mark his pain in the time. He wouldn't remember them anyway. He just knew he loved Sundays and Mondays.
He wouldn't even be able to tell the date he arrived in St Gerry. He could remember the color of the sky, the season, or the smell, during every moment that shattered his life between those walls.
He would have to deal with dates in his new job though… it would be another new thing in his life.
He took the book and saw the newspaper article he left in the middle, with the picture of a lost Castiel taken by a heartless nurse. The start of a strange and overwhelming adventure.
He had an appointment with Leyla, Garth, Kevin and Missouri in the refectory, for lunch. It wouldn't be a farewell lunch, it would just be friends eating together. Dean wasn't leaving, he would be back every Sunday, and even more if he was not too busy with his job. His family was here, and Castiel too.
Castiel was progressing slowly, but at least he was not stepping back. He smiled closing the door behind him. He hasn't used sign language since the day he asked Dean to stay. Dean talked about it with Dr Roché, and for once he agreed to have a short conversation about him. Castiel knew the signs, he was smart and vivacious, but he was just refusing to cooperate. Dr Roché wasn't disappointed, his sessions with his patient were very educative for him too, and he laughed about it with Dean.
Castiel, on the other hand, hated his silence. Every night he was sitting on the floor, his back leaning on his bed. He was staring at the wall, opening his mouth to try screaming something, but nothing ever came out.
He didn't want to be different anymore, he wanted his voice back. He was remembering his lessons every night, he could hear Dr Roché articulating every word he tried to teach him using his fingers… but Castiel didn't care about those damn fingers anymore, he focused on the sound of his voice.
Of course, Dr Roché noticed it and jumped on the occasion, he finally saw a crack in his wall of stubbornness! He taught him to breathe correctly first, he needed to find his breath back before he could speak properly. Dr Roché extended his arm to him once, he needed to show Castiel how to do with his lungs, but he was too scared so he rejected him. He tried another method then:
"Put your hand here." He said putting his own hand on his chest, sitting straight on his chair. He smiled to encourage him, but Castiel was staring at him not understanding.
"Look at me, and listen to me." He said pointing at his ear for him to focus.
He took a deep breath.
"Feel the vibrations."
He then opened his mouth and let out a long and monotonous "A". He paused and made a sign for Castiel to do the same.
Castiel was only looking at his hand, and Dr Roché had to come closer and grab his forearm. He tensed but the doctor didn't stop.
"Ok, now breathe deeply."
Castiel tilted his head.
"Come on!" he encouraged showing him how to do.
"Open your mouth and inhale."
Castiel put his hand down, still staring at Dr Roché who leaned in his chair in defeat.
"Damn you're a headstrong! I could bet you're training behind my back, aren't you?"
The doctor bent and looked at Castiel in the eyes.
"Those eyes are shining with smartness and teasing… I'll end up liking you after all!" he said laughing.
He kept trying with the exercise but focused only on Castiel's eyes this time. Those eyes were definitely very talkative.
No matter how long it would take, he would not give up with this patient. It became almost an obsession to him.
His assistant, Julian, was still giving classes twice a week. Mary asked Dr Roché if he could teach sign language to all her staff and he accepted. Missouri and Leyla would help him though, because it was a lot of work to do for only one person.
A lot of patients weren't talking after all they went through, and Mary saw a great opportunity to cure some of them. She was maybe dreaming, but if she would save at least one patient with this method, it would be a victory.
Dr Roché smiled and accepted, there was no reason for him to stop Mary using his methods to heal patients. He was a doctor first, and after all it would be a great way to show how he worked to more people. The only thing he asked Mary was to tell people it was his idea… of course he wanted the recognition if it worked.
Mary was ok with this, she never cared about recognition and she was shy in public. She always refused going to conventions for that reason, and she attended the one she couldn't avoid only because it was for St Gerry's interest. She had to attend charity events to convince rich people to invest in her hospital… it was a pain, she hated it, but she had to.
She saw a double advantage in Roché's offer: she would be able to use his methods, and he would spread his glory during charity events so she wouldn't have to go.
It was all new for St Gerry's staff: a new form of therapy and new hopes. Mary felt almost bad for not thinking about it before, but even if she had the idea earlier, she couldn't afford to pay a specialist like Dr Roché. If Leyla and Missouri hadn't accepted to teach the staff for free with Julian's help, it wouldn't even be possible.
Her hospital was a big family with little money but a lot of will power and volunteers. It was better than all the fancy hospitals she worked in when she was younger, where each patient was just a number.
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Dean entered the refectory and was surprised to see Phil and Mary who finally had free time to eat with everybody. He smiled at them. Dean insisted for Mark to join them too, and Mary asked him too, so he accepted.
"Is everything ready?" Garth asked.
"Yeah, almost. My apartment is kinda empty but at least it's mine. I'll invite you all when I'll have chairs." He laughed.
"We really gonna miss you." Phil said.
"I'll miss you too." Dean replied.
"Come on he will be here next Sunday to remind us how annoying he can be!" Garth joked.
"You can't get rid of me so easily, that's for sure!"
"I hope so." Leyla whispered next to him.
"You're my family, my friends, and I owe you everything."
Garth lifted his glass and stood up.
"To Dean Winchester and his new life!" he announced proudly.
"Yes… to his fresh start!" Mark replied.
They all lifted their glasses.
"To Dean!" they said together.
Dean was touched but he didn't show it, he ate his nuggets instead.
"You're all very nice but I'm hungry, and as I plan to eat only eggs and burgers in the next six months… I'll enjoy my last real meal." He said in a shaky voice.
They all enjoyed their meal, sometimes they were silent and thoughtful, someone was missing at the table but no one would talk about Suzanne.
"So how did Castiel receive the news?" Phil asked.
"Pretty well I guess. I told him I would live somewhere else but I would still come to visit him every week. It seemed he understood and uuh… Mary… I would like to ask you a favor."
"Sure, Dean. What is it?"
He searched his pocket and pulled a phone out.
"Dean?" she asked intrigued.
"I thought I could try to call him every day at dinner time. I don't know if it's a good idea though… it makes me look like I'm dependant, don't you think?"
"A bit, yes." Mary replied grabbing the phone. "You won't call him every day, we'll stick to our basic rules: twice a week but not always the same days. I'm doing this for you too, Dean. You know what I mean, right?"
"Sure, I do. Thank you, Mary."
She looked at Dean playing with his fingers and understood he needed to keep the contact because he was feeling guilty to leave Castiel behind. He wouldn't be as present as he was before, and they would miss each other, but it was a price to pay to go forward and build a future. Mary would never break this connection as long as it doesn't stop one of them from opening up.
Dean moved and found a new job, she understood he couldn't change everything in so little time, and Castiel was his anchor. It was a good thing for Castiel too: he would know Dean would come but he would also be conscious he'd had a new life outside St Gerry.
"I've got something else to ask, Mary."
"Wouldn't you exploit the situation, sweetheart?" Missouri joked.
"I'll understand if you say no." Dean insisted still looking at Mary.
"Tell me."
He stood up and took the plastic bag he came with. They all looked at him with a curious look when he stood here still. Mary opened the bag and looked at him.
"That's a very good idea, Dean. Now we have to see if he'll accept it, that's a new step for him to climb."
Dean turned to Leyla.
"One day he will get out of this room, I know it and I can feel it. It will take the time he needs, but he will go out. I'm not saying he will leave St Gerry even if…" he looked down "Even if I hope one day I can take him far from it a few hours."
"That's what we all hope for, Dean. We need to stay realistic though." Leyla said lifting his chin with her finger. "Castiel made a lot of progress these past months, we couldn't even imagine what he was able to do. He saw something in you that saved him, but you have to know he will never heal completely. He will never have a normal life, even if I don't like that word. You understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Yeah, I know. But each step and each door he passes makes him closer to us, and takes him away from the other patients."
"One day he will leave East Quarter for West Quarter, I'm absolutely sure about this, but keep in mind he will always be a patient. He lived in hell for thirty years, you don't erase that in a few years of therapy."
"But look at what he'd done in so little time!" Dean said enthusiastic.
"I know! But there will be a time when he'll stop progressing and you have to be prepared for this."
"Fine. I'll believe in him for both of us then, like I always did, like I always knew he would accept my hand even if I also know he will never live like anyone else. He's not too far from being himself though."
"We all agree about this."
"And on those great words, what if we eat the pie Mark baked for us now?" Missouri interrupted. "because contrary to some people in this room…" she winked at Dean "… we still have to work today!"
Dean smiled at Mary.
"I'll never be able to thank you for all the things you've done for me. I won't disappoint you."
"I never doubted it, but the important thing now is what you want. You're a free man now, Dean."
"Tadaaaa!" Garth screamed when Mark brought the apple-pie on the table.
"I figured it was a great occasion to try my new recipe." Mark announced.
"Your new recipe?" Dean asked curious.
"Yep… The Dean Pie!"
"Mark…" Dean sighed.
"Ok that's enough…" Garth said impatient. He took the knife and cut the pie while Mark and Kevin cleared the table.
Phil served coffee and Leyla served the pie. When she served Dean, he smiled at her.
"I have something for you… I'll come to your office to give it to you before I go visit Cas."
"A gift?" she grinned.
"Not really."
"So much mystery!" she joked and sat to eat her pie.
Mary was the first to leave, followed by Garth who had to start his shift. Leyla helped cleaning a bit and left too, she had a session with Charles.
Dean stayed to help Mark and Phil, Kevin and Missouri left a few minutes later.
"What's in the bag?" Phil asked, still curious.
"You're too curious!" Dean smiled. "I have to go anyway. Thank you for everything, Mark!" he said grabbing the bag.
"No problem, dude!" Mark replied.
"Phil" Dean nodded at him.
"See you tomorrow for breakfast?"
"Sure."
"Ok. Bye!"
Dean left without looking back.
"I'm gonna miss that brat." Phil confessed.
"I know a woman who will miss him even more!" Mark answered, and Phil laughed.
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He was waiting for her to come back from her session in the nurses' office when Missouri entered.
"You won't go to visit Castiel?" she asked surprised.
"Yes I will, I have to see Leyla first."
"Oh right… the gift." Missouri remembered, searching for something in the closet. "Where the hell did I leave it?" she first cursed, but she straightened up quickly. "Talking about gifts…"
She turned around and searched her used leather purse frowning.
"Ah!" she said with a content smile. "You know I'm the one who named Castiel, right?"
"Yes… because he arrived on a Thursday? Something about an angel…"
"Correct. That's not the only reason though."
"What's the other reason?"
"You knew Castiel was the angel of travelers?"
"I thought it was St Christopher."
"As you said… St Christopher is a Saint, not an angel."
She took a silver chain from her purse.
"My husband used to travel a lot for business. He particularly liked this angel and never left this."
She extended her arm and Dean saw a pair of wings at the end of the chain, it was dull after all those years.
"He hung it to his view mirror so the angel could watch over him while he was traveling, and he could bring him back to me every time."
She stepped closer, took Dean's hand and put the necklace in it.
"I can't take this from you, Missouri."
"Oh yes, you can! And you will hang this to your car's view mirror and never take it off!"
"Missouri… it was your husband… I just can't."
She pulled a hand in Dean's hair distractively.
"Castiel will be your guardian angel too from now on."
"He already is."
"Yeah, I know."
"Am I interrupting something?"
They both turned to look at Leyla who sneaked her head through the door.
"No. I was about to leave." Missouri said.
Dean looked at the necklace in his hand.
"I don't know what to say, Missouri."
"Wow that's new!" She joked.
Leyla entered the room.
"I'm going. See you on Sunday, Dean. And you better tell me everything."
He clenched his hand and put the necklace in his pants pocket without answering to Leyla's curious look.
"I only have a few minutes, I have another session in West Quarter."
"It's ok, it won't take long."
He opened the plastic bag and took the white book out from it. He handed it to her.
"Dean? It's yours! And it's personal!"
"I want to give it to you. I don't know if you'll understand anything, but I need to know it's safe here."
"Why?"
"Because… because you trusted me, you gave us a chance, and I wouldn't have made it without you."
"Mary helped a lot, you know."
"If you'd said no when I came to ask for your help, nothing would've happened, with or without Mary."
"That's too much credit."
"No. You really deserve it."
"Thank you, Dean. I appreciate a lot."
"I bought a new one." He confessed shyly and proudly at the same time.
"Really?"
"It helped me when I felt lost, I've read myself and I saw what I've been through. I witnessed Castiel's progress too, and I'm afraid to lose it." He pointed at the book. "Keep it, and if I get lost again, give it back to me. I don't want to keep it because I'm afraid I'd throw it away and I'd regret it."
"Fine. I'll take care of it."
"Read it. It may help someone else. I know it sounds silly and that's not a few scribbles in a book that will change the world, but we never know."
"Ok. I'll read it…" She said stepping closer. "And I'll keep it. It helped two people already."
Dean stared at Leyla.
"It will help someone else. It's the proof of two different pains but two different victories too."
"Let's just say two patients in healing process." Dean corrected smiling.
She smiled back.
"I think he's waiting for you."
"I know… see you on Sunday?"
"Sure. I'll come at the end of the morning to have some news from you."
"Good. I'm going then."
"Good luck, Dean!"
"Thanks."
She looked at him leaving and when he disappeared, she clenched the book tight in her hands before opening it at the first page.
"For Dean,
May indifference not be a truth
And may truth not be indifferent.
Leyla Fredges."
End of chapter XXV