Chapter Twenty-Five: Tomoya

I woke to light streaming through my window and groaned, rubbing my head as I sat up in bed. My arms and legs felt like lead, my muscles protesting as I tried to get out of bed; I must have not gotten enough sleep last night.

…last night…

I thought back to the previous day and felt…weird; all I could remember was eating and sleeping while thinking about…Mommy-er, my mom. My mom? "Must've hit me hard," I muttered as I massaged my face and padded to the bathroom for a face-wash.

I thought about the prior day as I made my way downstairs to make breakfast. Fortunately, whatever shock I'd been feeling must have worn off, because I was able to think more clearly about what had happened.

"Blue hair…" I mumbled through a mouthful of food as I sat at the kotatsu. For some reason, I just knew that it was Mommy-er, Mom. "But how would I know that it's her?" I thought I remembered seeing pictures of her in photo albums, but the girl in my vision looked so…real. I let my brain work on that problem while I finished breakfast and cleaned up after myself.

Not really feeling like going outside, I plopped down into the chair in front of my desk and leaned back heavily as I crossed my arms. "Okay; I remember running home last night-no, I was a mess yesterday, so it must have been the night before that. I ran home after…" For some reason, I was having a hard time reconstructing the last day of school, and the- "Concert!" I blurted, nearly throwing myself forward onto my desk. "We had a concert!"

It all started to come back to me; the walk with Sugisaka, the concerns that she wouldn't be up to singing, talking to my teacher to get out early, setting up for the concert… "But why would that upset me?" I asked, then shook my head. "No, it's got to be something else." I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair again, letting myself go back to the last day of school…setting up for the concert, talking with my teachers, dealing with the Chorus Club's new fanbase-

A twinge of…something; it felt weird, like my heart and my mind were disconnected from each other, one remembering something while the other wouldn't…or couldn't. I forced myself to focus. "Okay. After the signing, everybody left except for Rie, Amane and Harada." A fog began to settle in my brain, like part of me didn't want me to remember. "I-"

A knock at the door interrupted my musings; fortunately, I had it together enough to be polite, and I slapped myself on the cheeks as I jogged down the stairs. "Just a minute, please…" I ran my fingers through my hair one last time before opening the door. "Good af…ter…"

The front porch was empty.

I looked around, trying to see who might have knocked, but the street was also empty, which made sense; people would either be at work or, if they were students, enjoying the mall or something like that. After all, my neighborhood wasn't exactly a prime hangout location. "Must have been my imagination," I decided as I started to close the door. As I did, though, I noticed something flapping against the outside of the door. Since I couldn't remember putting anything there, it caught my attention.

I pulled the sheet from the door to examine it; it appeared to be a handwritten note, taped to the door, and my eyes were drawn to my name at the top of the note:

Dearest Tomoya,

Are you okay? I haven't slept well, thinking that I'd hurt you somehow, so I'm giving you this note to tell you how sorry I am. I hope that you can tell me what I've done so I can apologize more properly.

I love you so much, and don't want anything to come between us.

Love,

Rie

I marveled at how a piece of paper could punch me in the gut. "Aw, Rie…" I murmured, smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever; what a sweet girl who I didn't deserve. "I don't know what's wrong with me, cutie, but I'll figure it out." I closed the door again and made my way back to the stairs, reading her note over and over again as I climbed back up to my room. Entering my room, I plopped into my chair again and read the note one last time before putting it to the side and crossing my arms as I leaned back again. "All right; where was I?"

I hadn't gotten very far back into my musings when there was another knock at the door. "Jeez, is it usually this busy when I'm at school or something?" I grumbled as I hurried down the stairs again.

This time there was an actual person on my doorstep, specifically Koumura-sensei. In his hands were a couple of books. "Good morning, Tomoya-san."

"G-good morning, sensei," I stuttered, forgetting to call him 'old man'. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you ready for your lessons?"

"Huh?"

He gestured to me with the books he was carrying. "We had discussed lessons for you over the summer; do you remember?"

I vaguely did, so I nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Hmm. After conferring with the other staff and faculty, it was decided that I would come and tutor you as much as possible over the summer."

I blinked as the memory returned. "Yeah, I remember Rie and I talking with you about it, but…I'm sorry; I've had a really rough couple of days, so I'm not up to it today. I'm…really sorry."

"Hm." He studied me for a moment longer, and then I had to quickly step aside as he shuffled his way into my home. He made his way over to my kotatsu and, after setting the books down on it, settled himself down in front of it. "May I have some tea?"

I blinked, surprised by his boldness. "S-Sure," I replied lamely as I headed to the kitchen. "Just…give me a few minutes."

As I heated the pot I had to suppress a chuckle but couldn't hold back the smile; something about the whole situation seemed…surreal, with an old man forcing his way into my home.

A few minutes later I set a steaming cup in front of him. "Here you go, sensei."

"Ah, thank you," he grunted before lifting the cup to his mouth. "Ahhhh, this is quite good! Now then, I have brought first-year math and science to begin with; they are closely related, so it would be best do study them in tandem."

"Okay."

He worked with me for the next couple of hours; most of the stuff I already knew, but I kinda enjoyed the refresher and it helped fill some gaps in my understanding.

"Let us take a break," he sighed as he bookmarked the science book and closed it. "It is lunch time after all."

"Okay."

He stared at me for several seconds before he spoke again. "Are you going to offer lunch to your guest, Tomoya-san?"

"Huh?" The truth was, I hadn't given it any thought. From the time I had opened the door, time had flown with the sudden intrusion and the tea and the lessons. "Um…sure, but…I don't know how to cook."

He gave me what appeared to be a disapproving look. "Young man, if you are going to function in the adult world, it is past time you learned how to fend for yourself. Or do you intend to treat Nishina-chan as your personal chef?"

My stomach slithered to my shoes. "N-No, sir!"

"Well then!" He clapped his hands on his knees before grunting his way to his feet. "Come with me; I will teach you how to…be creative," he finished with a wink and a smile, which I returned.

He shuffled into the kitchen and quickly found some rice, fish, and vegetables. "Were I not here, what would you eat for lunch?" he asked as the rice steamed.

I thought about it for a minute, then felt sheepish. "I'd…probably go to the convenience store and buy something."

"Hmph," he grunted as turned back to the stove. "Wasting your money like that…what I am making here could be lunch for both of us for the next two to three days."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I kept my mouth shut.

When the food was ready we served it up into bowls and took them to the kotatsu. After settling in, I immediately picked up my chopsticks and looked up to see Koumura with his hands together and his eyes closed…well, one eye closed; the other was giving me another disapproving look, so I set my chopsticks back down and put my hands together. "Thanks for the food," I said along with him.

We didn't talk during the meal, which was fine with me; I was still trying to put myself together after my breakdown, and trying to keep it together with my old teacher there was really draining my energy.

After lunch, we went back to studies; even though I had a hard time focusing, I was grateful for the distraction from my troubles.

"Well done, Tomoya-san," Koumura-sensei said as he closed the math book. "You seem to have retained more than I thought."

"Um, thanks?" I wasn't sure if he was giving me a compliment or not. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier; I wasn't expecting you, and…"

"You are upset by something," he declared simply. At my look of surprise he smiled softly. "I can see it in your eyes, young man; you have seen something that haunts your thoughts."

"B-But-"

"Do you have a message that you would like me to give Nishina-chan? She has been deeply worried about you."

"H-How-"

"She came to me as I was on my way here and asked about you. Regrettably, I was unable to give her an answer. Would you like me to pass a message along?"

I looked down at my hands folded in my lap. "Just…for now…tell her it's not her fault." I looked up at him with a humorless smile. "Knowing her, she's been blaming herself for this."

"Indeed she has. She is a very kind and…sensitive girl," he finished while giving me a meaningful look.

"That's true, but…how do you know? You seem to know a lot about her."

"I am the advisor to the Chorus Club," he grunted as he got to his feet. "And the one who introduced her to singing."

I remembered Amane telling me about that; it seemed like a lifetime ago, though. "That's right…you did, didn't you? I didn't know you were our advisor, though."

His bushy eyebrows jumped. "'Our'?"

"Yeah," I said, grinning sheepishly. "I…kinda…joined a while ago."

"Hmmm." He studied me for a moment longer before seeming to catch himself. "Would you hand me my books, please? Getting down again to retrieve them is not an option at my age."

"Sure." I quickly bent down and grabbed the books, handing them to him as I straightened.

"Thank you." He turned and shuffled toward the door. As he slipped his shoes on, though, he paused, looking at me with an unreadable expression. "What is bothering you, Tomoya-san?"

"It's nothing, sir," I sighed, shaking my head. "I've just had dreams about my mommy…or, at least I think she's my mom…my…" My face heated up as I realized I had done it again; saying her name like I was a little kid.

If he caught my slip-up he apparently didn't notice, though I did see his eyebrows jump again, if only slightly. "That's right; your mother died when you were quite young; is that correct?"

I nodded, not trusting my words.

"Hmmm…" He started to slip on his shoes, though more slowly than before. "Have you ever seen any pictures of her?"

I had to think for a minute. "I think so, but it's been a long time if I have. I can't remember ever seeing them."

"Hm." A shorter one this time. "Perhaps it is time for you to look at those pictures again."

"I…Sure, but I don't know where they are."

He smiled affably as he patted me on my good shoulder. "I'm sure there's someone who could help you find them."

"You mean Rie?"

His smile turned amused. "Not who I had in mind, but I suppose she could search with you." He finished putting his shoes on, and I opened the door for him. "Have a pleasant evening, Tomoya-san; I will see you tomorrow at…will ten-o-clock be acceptable?"

I nodded, only half-hearing his question as I tried to figure out who he was talking about.

He was halfway down the road before I reentered my home, and then it hit me. "No way…I'm not ready to talk to him."

I caught myself staring at the top of the kotatsu when I heard the front door click and, a few moments later, my dad shuffled through the front door. I couldn't remember a time when I had seen him come home; normally I would be with Sunohara or prowling around the neighborhood. "Hey, uh…Dad."

He turned from shutting the door, and his eyes widened when he saw me. "Ah! Tomoya-kun! It's good to see you again."

I shoved my temper back into its bottle as I stood up and made my way over to him. "Thanks. Listen…do we have any pictures of mommy-of mom?"

His eyes narrowed slightly, and I noticed that his mouth tensed, becoming a thin line. "We…do have some photos, yes. Why?"

"I've…" I sighed; I knew I would sound like an idiot, but… "I think I've been seeing her in my dreams or something. I know it sounds stupid, but it's driving me crazy and messing up my sleep again."

He grunted as he fought with one of his shoes. "We have a couple of photo albums; I would be willing to get them for you."

"Thanks," I said carefully; since I couldn't tell what he was feeling but was sure that he was feeling pain, I tried to keep my own feelings in check. "S-Sorry to bring her up."

To my surprise, his expression softened. "It's okay. It's understandable that you would be curious; she's your mother, after all."

"Thanks," I repeated, warmed by his response. "I really appreciate it."

He simply nodded as he slipped on his indoor shoes and headed for the stairs. As he started up, my eyes were drawn to the foot of the stairs, and I remembered watching him the other night, moaning and tearing up in his sleep; he must have really loved her and really missed her, and I felt bad that what I was doing could end up reopening wounds that had never really healed.

He returned a few minutes later with a couple of thick books in his hands. I cringed as he wiped a hand across the top of the stack, sending dust flying. "I…haven't looked at them in a while," he explained with an awkward smile as he held them toward me. "Here they are."

"Thanks," I replied as I took them from him. "Should…I look at them in my room?"

"No," he replied simply. "I'll be turning in soon anyway, so you can look at them down here if you want."

We stood looking at each other for a little longer before he cleared his throat, wiped his hands on his pants, and headed up the stairs.

I watched him leave before adjusting my gaze to the books in my hands. In them were pictures of mommy-of mom. Why did I keep doing that? "She's mom," I insisted, shaking my head as I settled down next to the kotatsu for some serious viewing.

I took the topmost book, assuming it was the older one, and flipped it open to the first page…and gasped. "M-Mommy?"

The first page was filled with wedding photos. I recognized Dad, of course, but what surprised me was his bride. The wavy blue hair, the soft eyes… "She's…just like the girl in my dreams…"

The following pages had more wedding photos, followed by what I assumed was their first apartment, then…

"Hey, that's gotta be me," I chuckled as I saw a picture of them, the blue-haired girl holding a baby. What struck me, though, was that neither of them were looking at the camera; both of them were looking at the baby. The looks on their faces…

the image suddenly warped

"Huh?" I brought my hand to my eyes, only for it to come back wet. "Right," I chuckled, then refocused on the photo. The looks on my parents' faces told me how much they loved me. "And look what I turned into…" I said, feeling guilty. "Mommy's death must have hit us both really hard."

"Very hard," a heavy voice came from behind me, and I turned to find Dad standing at the bottom of the stairs. "It was like turning off a light; all of the light left our home."

"Uh, sorry," I grunted, hurrying to my feet. "Do you want me to take this upstairs?"

He didn't answer, but came over to the kotatsu and sat next to where I had been sitting. He slid the album to his spot and, as I settled back into my spot, turned back to the first page and stared, his expression unreadable.

I just sat and watched him as he looked through the pages that I had spent the last several minutes looking at myself. "I haven't looked at these in a long time," he said, apparently to himself.

"How long?" I asked quietly, carefully.

"Huh?" His head jerked up and his eyes widened as though he had forgotten I was there before quickly settling down again, returning his gaze to the album. "Um…I don't know anymore. Years."

"How come?"

A flicker of annoyance crossed his face but, to my relief, it quickly softened. "I don't know if you'll understand this, but…it's just too painful."

"You miss her really badly, huh?"

He nodded like a man who had given up. "I don't think I'll ever recover."

"What did you like about her?" I asked without thinking.

"Huh?"

I had come this far, so… "What did you like about her?"

His face seemed to light up, and as he started to talk I had a feeling that things were going to be better between us from that moment on.