Yay! I'm still alive! :P

First of all let me thank my darling reviewers who motivate me to continue writing: Apollo Wings, Pintsizedpsycho (looks at Pintsizedpsycho with puppy eyes so that she puts away her weapon), Violet Enigma, eboncat, koguma and a special thanks to Eilonwycousland and Philliwolf5 for catching up! You guys are amazing! :D

Special thanks to my betas CouslandSpitFire and Eynla, you guys are wonderful! I know you have terribly busy schedules, so I really appreciate all the hard work you do on my fic! :D

Apollo Wings, you are an angel for helping me with the Avvar theme in this chapter and the previous one! If you guys still haven't read her fic, I encourage you to do so! It's called 'The Daughter of the Mountain' where she creates the 'Avvar' Origin for Dragon Age Origins. The link is on my profile! :D

Lots of Anders's goofiness in this one…well, maybe not 'lots', but 'enough'.

My disclaimer as always: Bioware owns everything! I just play with the characters… ;)

Chapter 25

I knew I was in the Fade, because I've been here before. Hey! I'm a mage, remember? I started walking because I never could stay in one place after all. The road was purple, the grass blue, and the mountains looked lavender in the distance. I shook my head at this because the sky was pink and brightly colored butterflies fluttered around.

Really wonderful, Anders. Any flying pigs?

I squinted at the pink sky and saw a figure descending from it, so I stopped walking. My eyes narrowed slightly as I frowned, trying to remember what had happened before I found myself in the Fade.

The figure was glowing, but I didn't want to believe it was one of the good ones. After all, the demons were the ones that would want you to believe that, weren't they? It was a woman, long white flowing robes fluttering in the…breeze? So now there was a breeze, too. And the woman was smiling at me. Figures. Stuck in the Fade with a desire demon. I bit back my sigh and waited as patiently as I could for the figure to speak.

"Do not worry, mortal. You will return shortly. A word of advice before you do?" The lady said, a soft blue glow emanating from her around the edges.

"Why should I listen to you? You could be a desire demon, you know. I'm not stupid," I replied in a bored tone.

The lady laughed sweetly and her laughter was music to my ears. "After having been visited by one of the gods during the Avvar ritual, I doubt very much that a demon would be here. This is my domain. No demon will approach while we speak. I will not allow it."

Everything came back to me in a rush. I remembered the ritual and the fox spirit. I remembered feeling the Taint recede and how weak I felt afterwards. I frowned as I looked into her deep blue eyes.

"How did you know about the ritual? Who are you?" I demanded.

This lady ignored my questions. She might have been one of the good spirits, but she was certainly rude. "As I said, we do not have much time. It would be wise for you to listen to what I have to say in the meantime."

"Do I have a choice?" I could be rude, too. I pictured myself sticking out my tongue at her and smiled.

The spirit burst out laughing once again. "You always have a choice, Anders. Remember that."

"Ha! Easy for you to say. What about now? It's not like I want to hear, yet you are forcing me to listen, aren't you?"

She ignored me again, of course. Why wouldn't she?

"When you wake, things will have changed. However, the important change is yet to come. You will need to be strong for her. Rhianna will need you when the darkness falls upon her."

"What darkness? What are you talking about?" I asked, the fear in my chest already growing alarmingly.

But the lady was slowly fading, and the whole place was getting dark.

"Remember. Be strong, Anders. She will need you…"

"Wait! What darkness? I don't unders-"

And just like that she disappeared. Poof! No answers, no enlightenment, no explanation!

Maker, I really hate how cryptic spirits can be! And who put out the damned lights? Are my eyes open? I can't see a bloody thing!

…

Anders opened his eyes with a soft groan. Something was pressing heavily on his side and he looked down, only to find it was Rhianna's head. She had probably fallen asleep while watching over him and her head was pressing against his thigh. He smiled as he watched her, his love for her filling him completely, but ended up grimacing slightly because he was on some sort of…table? No. It was a thin mattress, but over wooden boards and he could feel every single board. No wonder he felt uncomfortable!

Very gently, he tried to move and focused on finding out if he had any internal injuries first. After a quick scan, he was slightly surprised to see that the Taint had receded and was about the size of a fist – embedded in a portion of his right lung, pulsating gently. The last time he checked, both his lungs had been compromised, as the Taint pumped through his body relentlessly in its race to take over all his internal organs. Even though he remembered the ritual clearly, it still surprised him to see that it had actually worked. Maybe the Avvar gods truly worked with the Maker after all.

He was covered in fur pelts and sweating slightly, so he pushed a few pelts away to ease some of his discomfort. In doing so, Rhianna's eyes opened wide and she started, gazing upon him with surprise, wonder and happiness all at once. She instantly flung herself into his waiting arms and gave a happy little cry as she hugged him tightly.

"You're back! Praise the Maker!" the words bubbled out from her mouth. "Signy was actually kind of worried. She said that nothing was wrong with you, except for the fact that you've had the Taint far longer than her uncle! She said that maybe this was why you fainted!"

"Love, you're crushing me," Anders mumbled and Rhianna quickly sat back up.

"I'm sorry, my love!" she exclaimed and then grinned stupidly at him, her eyes literally dancing from the happiness she was feeling.

"I fainted, did I?" Anders asked, remembering what had happened clearly now.

"You did! You frightened us all, as a matter of fact!"

"I remember the uncle being upset," Anders said. "I suppose he feels better about us now?"

"Both Signy and her mother defended us. We fought the darkspawn to defend them and that quieted him down. We're in his house, as a matter of fact!" Rhianna replied.

"I figured we weren't home. This mattress is awful! What did they put it on, a table?"

At that moment, the door burst open and Signy's smile turned into a laugh when she saw Anders sitting up in bed. She ran up to where he was and gave him a quick hug. "It is good to see you are hale, Shaman Anders! Mother will be pleased!"

"Hello, Signy of the Oss Clan," Anders chuckled in response. "I'm also glad to be awake and not…dead."

"You were asleep for three days, Shaman Anders! I will go tell mother so that you can eat," the young girl said. She turned and ran out, shutting the door behind her.

"Three days?" Anders echoed, turning to look at Rhianna with wide eyes. "No wonder my stomach is growling…"

"Your stomach is always growling," Rhianna laughed.

…

They had a good dinner, sitting around a fire pit and sharing stories. The Avvar continued to explain their way of life to Hawke and her group, as well as answer any questions anyone asked. They lived simply, relying on nature and never staying in one place for very long periods of time. They hunted and fished for food, grew vegetables and helped each other. They dressed simply, in pelts from the animals they hunted. The women made woolen blankets with a hole cut out in the middle to slip on over the rest of their clothes as extra protection from the cold.

The conversation slowly drifted to the topic of magic. It came as a bit of a shock for Fenris to see how much they valued magic, as much as they despised the Tevinter. Ingigeror was quick to explain that magic had been corrupted by the Tevinter and was a pure gift that came from the gods. It was the Tevinter who had chosen to completely defile magic with their blood magic rites and their arrogance.

"We do good deeds with magic. We help our people; we use it to fight our enemies. When a person is born with magic, it means that person is special," Ingigeror added as she glanced at Signy with a smile.

"The only magic I have ever experienced is the kind that hurts and maims – and not only physically," Fenris was quick to point out. "But I do agree that there must be mages who use magic to help others. Hawke has a sister who has shown me this. She can control her magic rather well and uses it to help others."

"Of course you wouldn't mention me," Anders said under his breath.

Fenris scowled at Anders. "I heard that!"

"Good."

"Did you fight during the Blight, Shaman Anders?" Jarl Geirhildr quickly asked, noticing the tension between the two men. "We heard about it from another clan while we were traveling here. They were moving further into the Frostback Mountains and told us to hurry north to avoid the darkspawn creatures."

"No, I didn't get the chance to fight, I was…umm…travelling elsewhere," Anders replied hesitantly.

"I didn't think circle mages were allowed to 'travel'," Fenris scoffed.

"Excuse me, Child of Shartan, but what are 'circle mages'?" the Jarl asked curiously.

"They put people who are born with magical abilities in fortresses or towers called 'Circles', where warriors called 'templars' watch over them closely," Fenris started to explain.

"They're more like prisons," Rhianna added sadly. "Mages are taken from their families at a young age and placed in the Circle. They never see their parents again and are raised under strict templar scrutiny. Many are abused by the templars…"

"Magic is dangerous. One false step and a mage can become an abomination," Fenris said in a soft voice.

"Magic is a gift from the gods!" Signy protested, glancing at her mother who was gazing at Fenris with a puzzled expression on her face.

"I cannot believe what you are saying," the Jarl interrupted. "It is not magic that is dangerous, it is the person who chooses to harm others – even warriors do this when they choose to kill innocents."

"Mages abuse their power," Fenris shook his head. "I have seen it in Tevinter and know what I'm saying."

"He was a slave in Tevinter. His master was a blood mage," Rhianna addressed the Jarl, who was looking at Fenris as though he had sprouted two heads or something. "This is why he believes magic is dangerous. He's speaking from personal experience. In truth, mages are normal people, humans and elves. They should be allowed to get married and have a family."

"I do not doubt that all this foolishness has been brought about by the Tevinters!" the Jarl commented angrily, a scowl on his face. "They have damaged the world we live in for a long time."

"I've personally seen what the templars do to the mages in the Circle. They rape and abuse them," Anders added quietly.

"The templars need to be taught a lesson," Rhianna said darkly, then pursed her lips. Everyone was quiet after her words and the tension in the room had grown considerably.

"So, do you always eat what you hunt?" Varric said after a while. "Because if that's the case, you eat like kings! This food was delicious!"

Anders smiled at Varric's timely intervention. He saw Fenris struggling to control an outburst, but the Jarl, Ingigeror and Signy were smiling at Varric's comment.

"We use the pelts for the cold. Nothing is wasted," Ingigeror chuckled.

"And the beds are really warm," Anders supplied with a grin. "When I came to, I was sweating!"

Signy laughed. "It is very cold here, especially during the night. We think it will snow again tonight!"

"More snow?" Anders groaned, then turned to Fenris. "I don't know how your feet don't get frozen solid!"

"It's a mystery, I agree," Varric chuckled.

"I told you, the soles of my feet are very resilient. It's an Elven thing…" Fenris muttered, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You'd better ask our kind hosts for some fur boots," Varric told Fenris. "We haven't exactly been walking on the snow lately, since we've mostly been indoors. Even so, I've noticed no snow on the ground in the village. How do you manage to keep everything looking so green?"

"We use special tools for that," Ingigeror chuckled.

"And some of my magic!" Signy added laughing.

"See? Magic isn't that bad!" Anders teased Fenris, who gave Signy a small smile. The blond mage then turned to Rhianna with a grin, but his smile soon vanished when he saw the look on her face.

Rhianna was staring stonily into the fire pit – the darkness in her eyes sending shivers up and down Anders's spine. He knew what she was thinking all too well. Putting his arm around her, he pulled her closer, gently caressing her shoulder. Rhianna then looked up at him and smiled, but her eyes were the saddest he'd seen in a very long time.

…

That night, Fenris and Varric stayed at the Jarl's house where they shared a room. Anders and Rhianna, however, were taken to Ingigeror and Signy's home and put in the spare room at the back of the house.

They made love quietly that night and lay in each other's arms, lost in their thoughts.

"I know what troubles you, love," Anders whispered as he softly massaged her scalp.

"Nothing troubles me, Anders," Rhianna mumbled into his chest. "Go to sleep…"

"If we talk about it, maybe you'll be able to cope with it better," Anders insisted after a short while.

Rhianna said nothing to this, and he continued to caress her softly, kissing the crown of her head briefly before speaking again.

"I can help you," he murmured.

Rhianna sat up so quickly, she startled him and he blinked up at her with a confused expression on his face.

"You can't help me," she said quietly, her eyes glinting eerily in the half-light of the room. "No one can."

"You're wrong," Anders sighed. "Other people who have been through what you have been have recovered a bit if they talk about it. If you –"

"Drop it, Anders," she said icily, her eyes flashing angrily for a few moments.

"But, love, I only want to –"

"I said 'drop it'," she said through clenched teeth. She then turned on her side, her back to him and did not say another word.

Anders kept quiet, but had a hard time getting to sleep. He heard her breathing gradually slow down and change as she fell asleep. He then inched closer and put his arms around her, spooning her.

He finally fell into a restless sleep – the words the spirit in the Fade had told him replaying endlessly in his mind.

…

Excerpt from Anders's journal:

We're finally home after a long two-week journey. I'll never let Fenris take the lead again! He was totally lost, which is why our trip took a week longer. Elven sharp sense of direction, my arse!

Rhianna kept quiet most of the trip and even now is quiet and thoughtful. She's been spending more time with Merrill and Velanna. I don't know what they've been talking about, but the times I've arrived home from the clinic and found them talking they would immediately stop talking. Well, Merrill wasn't doing the talking, because she would always be reading or looking out the window.

The Avvar are good people. We've made new friends and even though the villagers still didn't trust us completely, they were much nicer to us before we left. Maybe it was because we were finally leaving? At any rate, my new best friend is a thirteen-year-old girl who has one of the sunniest dispositions I've ever encountered, with a natural desire to help others. Her mother is kind as well, and her uncle turned out to be a fine person also.

The whole ritual is still fresh in my mind. I also find myself frequently recalling the experience I had in the Fade. I wonder if it was a good spirit after all. Demons can fool you in the Fade and love playing tricks on you. Her cryptic words haunt me when I sleep and when I'm awake.

I worry all the time about Rhianna now. Whatever the spirit meant, I plan to be with her as much as I can. If I can avoid the 'darkness' thing, then it will all be worth it.

A missive has arrived from Merrill, so we're about to go see what she wants. Let's hope that whatever it is, it doesn't involve a life-threatening situation!

Two days later:

I am NEVER going to help Merrill again! That girl is crazy! My hands are still trembling from the experience, but I really should be grateful I still HAVE hands! She asked us to go to the top of Sundermount because of the bloody mirror she keeps in her house! That alone involved a lot of climbing and fighting stupid gigantic spiders along the way, and I hate spiders with a passion! I got poison and gore all over my nice coat when Rhianna killed one right next to me! (Okay, maybe my coat's not so nice, as it's rather worn and the cuffs are slightly frayed, but it is really disgusting to be spattered with poison and gore anyway!) On top of all that, the undead rose up to fight us again (of course). It seems they make it a rule to rise from their graves to challenge us whenever they can. "Oh look! Here comes Hawke and her merry band of stupid dupes! Let's attack because I can't wait to die all over again!"

Thank the Maker that Velanna was with us this time. I don't particularly like Velanna. I like her even less now that Justice is a 'permanent' addition to her otherwise sparkling personality, but she can fight! I still envy her fireballs, you know. Even Varric thanked her after she obliterated one of the tainted spiders that was after him and would not die.

The worse part of it all was reaching the summit. I hate undead assassins. They're difficult to see (they're DEAD, so yeah…all shadowy) and they are faster than the normal assassins that creep up behind you. I should be bowing before Fenris right now thanking him for my life, and that's horrible too! I mean, he saved my life by finishing off the undead assassin behind me and all, but he IS Fenris! Fenris! As in handsome, white-haired elf with the killer voice who used to be in a relationship with MY Rhianna! He held her in his arms, he kissed her and he – Ahem. Where was I? Ah, yes. I'm back on track now…

The whole point of going through all the above, was to reach the stupid cave where Merrill said she had found the DEMON. Yes. You read that last word correctly! DEMON! That stupid demon was the one that had told her to repair the mirror in the first place. Whatever. The blasted thing was gone according to Merrill and I thought that we were going back home, except that I was terribly wrong, because suddenly the Keeper shows up and turns into this monstrous Pride demon and tried to kill us all. Turns out SHE had let the demon possess HER to save Merrill and all we had to do was kill the demon (and her in the process) and Merrill would finally be free.

That fight was really, really difficult. And Rhianna laughed through the whole damned fight!

Sigh.

Then when we were finally winning, the demon disappeared and POOF! In its place stood the Keeper again! She congratulated Merrill, and I had to go and open my big mouth and remind everyone that she was possessed and that the demon would only be truly dead when we killed her. The Keeper disappeared and the pride demon reappeared!

Dammit!

In the end, when it was all over, we left the cave and surprise! The entire Dalish clan was there waiting for us with their weapons drawn!

Rhianna tried to explain to them that the Keeper had been possessed by a pride demon and they attacked us! And we had to fight every single Dalish elf and kill them all because they kept on attacking us! Yeah. It was a case of kill or be killed right there. I couldn't believe the entire clan had turned on us! I mean, we're pretty friendly people who help others, right? And since when has telling the truth become a life-threatening situation?

You told me the truth…now you die!

Sigh.

That was TRULY a 'What the Fuck' moment if I've ever had one. And I've had a great number of 'What the Fuck' moments. Trust me.

So, I'm still angry at Merrill. Extremely angry! I have to buy yet another pair of boots! Have you ever tried to clean demon blood off a pair of nice black leather boots? No? I assure you it is no easy task. Not even magic can get the smell out! Ugh!

Oh! I can hear Rhianna calling me! Dinnertime already and she's been in the kitchen cooking nearly all day! I'd better hurry up and get there fast before she gets upset.

…