Secrets Kept

I said it would be up in a few days and, for once, it was true! No disappearing into the ether for me! This is much shorter than the monster that the last chapter was but, again, those of you who have read Secrets Kept have been waiting for this. Similar to the last one, this chapter was definitely one of the more difficult ones I have written for this story. Trying to adequately capture the thoughts and emotions of the characters while also getting the action across was really not an easy feat. Let me know how I did!

Chapter Twenty-Four

The beeping of an alarm clock roused Tracey from his slumber and he was surprised to find a warm weight against his chest. Looking down, he couldn't help but smile when he saw Gary, still resting his head against Tracey's chest as he stirred quietly. He reached over to turn off the alarm, trying to jostle Gary as little as possible, and looked back down to see the younger teen blinking up at him sleepily. The events of the night before came flooding back to Tracey but he felt oddly calm.

"Good morning," he whispered, running his fingers through Gary's messy hair.

"Morning," Gary replied, just as quietly. He settled back against Tracey's chest, unable to prevent the smile spread across his face. Last night hadn't just been a pleasant dream.

They lay there like that for a few lazy minutes, neither willing to be the first to break away from their comfortable positions.

"It's your turn to feed the pokemon," Tracey whispered teasingly after a few minutes passed. He chuckled softly as Gary groaned and buried his face against his chest. "I'll help you," he offered after another minute passed.

Gary peeked up at him and Tracey smiled. "You will?"

Tracey nodded and ran one of his hands up and down Gary's back. "I'm already up, aren't I?"

Returning Tracey's smile, Gary sat up and stretched. He felt a strange feeling come over him: an odd sort of peaceful acceptance of what they had done. There was a definite headache building, but the happiness he felt over the night before outweighed the effects of the mild hangover that he had.

"Go get dressed," Tracey said softly, sitting up as well. "I'll meet you in the lab."

Gary stood to leave the room and looked down at Tracey, not entirely sure what to do. Should he kiss him? They had done an awful lot of that the night before… And where exactly did their relationship stand now? Where they still just friends or had the relationship evolved past that? What if it did go further now? The first flitters of apprehension trickled through him but he smiled again and left the room to fetch some clan clothes from his bedroom.

Tracey sighed and dropped back to his pillows as he heard the bathroom door close behind Gary. Acknowledging the fact that they had spent the night together, surprisingly, did not make him feel as uncomfortable as he would have thought. Maybe he just wasn't thinking clearly, but he felt incredibly calm and light. This was different from last time.

He felt his stomach tighten as he remembered the intense kisses shared between them the night before. His stomach didn't churn nervously, he noticed - rather, it tightened with desire and the anticipation of it happening again.

His body reacted to the memories and he groaned, pulling a pillow over his face for a moment. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down as he faced memories so strong that he could almost feel Gary's hands running along his chest, stomach, and back. He wanted him so badly that it actually hurt.

He tossed the pillow aside with a sigh after a moment. Was it really such a bad thing?

He had always been hard on himself for having such a strong desire for his younger friend, but was that truly necessary? He had always thought that a relationship beyond friendship was impossible, too dangerous to even contemplate. Was that really true? He had always told himself that he couldn't date his boss's grandson, but why? Would the professor really have a problem with it if it meant that both his grandson and his assistant were happy and in a healthy relationship?

This brought him to yet another question... did the professor need to know?

That was always Gary's problem: the act of telling other people. But Gary had gotten better with the mere idea of being gay and clearly was more comfortable with it, whether or not he was ready to tell someone else – this he had made abundantly clear in the last twelve hours alone!

What if they didn't tell anyone?

They were both clearly comfortable enough with each other to have a close relationship and to kiss and touch each other; didn't they already act like a couple? And hadn't they been keeping the reasoning behind their closeness under wraps anyway?

No one ever raised an eyebrow at how much time they spent together, hanging out behind a closed door. No one knew that half of the time they hung out it was because he was talking Gary through his troubles, no one how many near-kisses and small kisses they had shared... All they knew was that the two boys were close friends. If they had managed this for so long, then certainly they could take things to the next level while keeping it a secret, couldn't they? It would only be until Gary was ready to tell other people, and with how much growth the other boy had made in recent months, how long could that really be? With the way Gary was going, it really couldn't be much more than a few months before he opened up to someone else, could it?

How bad could it be?

Gary had to be willing and Tracey just had to be up for the challenge. Tracey was more than certain that he could handle it and, if he had been reading his younger friend correctly, it seemed that Gary was, beneath his fears, very much willing.

Tracey made up his mind. This was it. He was going to go for it, because why not? Setting his jaw determinedly, Tracey rose from his bed and closed his bedroom door so that he could get dressed.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom Gary was trying, and failing, to calm his breathing which only seemed to be getting faster with each passing second. His brain was moving faster as he became more awake. What if his relationship with Tracey was no longer just friends? Did that mean he would have to come out to his friends and family now? He wasn't ready for that. He was just starting to settle back into himself and was still building his comfort level back up to where it had been before realizing his orientation. He couldn't come out to them yet.

He couldn't.

What if he had to? It would come to that sooner or later, but he just couldn't.

His heart pounded in his chest and he wondered vaguely if this was what a panic attack felt like. He would certainly call it panicking. There was no other word that seemed to describe this feeling.

He braced his hands on the counter and closed his eyes, slowly counting to ten in an attempt to calm down.

It didn't work.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm, Gary tugged off his shirt from the night before and turned on the water in the sink. He splashed the cold water in his face and scrubbed lightly, fighting against the overwhelming desire to scream or cry or – something, anything, to get this panicky feeling out.

Trying the counting method once more, he reached for a towel and dried his face. He left the water on, letting the sound of rushing water echo throughout the tiled room. It was the sound of the water that did the trick, allowing him to calm down just enough to soothe his pounding heart and erratic breathing after a few short minutes. With a sigh, he went about his normal routine of brushing his teeth and dressing until a soft knock came at the door.

With it only being just after five in the morning, Gary highly doubted the person at the door was anyone other than Tracey. Taking a deep breath, Gary tugged on the shirt that he was holding and opened the door. Sure enough, Tracey stood in the hallway, fully dressed and wearing a slightly nervous smile. Gary swallowed nervously and stepped back to allow Tracey to enter.

"Tracey, I –"

Tracey hushed him by gently placing a finger to Gary's lips. He could see the immense worry and fear in Gary's eyes and felt his heart clench in a rush of sympathy for him. No doubt he had begun fretting the second he was alone. It did nothing to deter Tracey – if anything, it only cemented in his mind that this was the right thing to do. Taking a deep breath, he reached forward and pulled Gary closer to him, pressing his lips to his in a gentle kiss.

"Let's cut the bullshit, Gary," he said, surprisingly forward. The words seemed harsh, but were actually spoken as calmly and gently anything Tracey had ever said, perhaps even more so. "We're going to keep doing this and ending up in this exact same situation." He took a deep, steadying breath and met Gary's eyes. "Be my boyfriend."

Gary's eyes widened in surprise, he wasn't expecting this and he didn't entirely know how to respond. His immediate thought was to say yes, but the logical side of him held back as he remembered the worries that had been overwhelming him only moments earlier. His breath left him and he floundered for what to say, Tracey, however seemed to notice this.

"We can keep it a secret," Tracey suggested. "As long as you want - as long as you need to, no matter how long that ends up being. But we can't keep doing this. It's going to keep happening again and again and again, and it'll only hurt us in the end." He leaned forward unexpectedly and crushed his lips to Gary's in an intense kiss that was so full of emotion and things unsaid that it felt to Gary as though the ground had been pulled out from under him. The kiss was over before he expected and Tracey whispered against his lips, "say yes."

Gary stared at him for a moment and Tracey watched as a flurry of emotions swirled in his eyes. He sighed softly. "Tracey, I don't know how long that'll be... I want to, so badly, but I don't want you to have to wait on me," he admitted.

"I wouldn't be waiting on you, Gary," Tracey cut in passionately. "I would be with you, supporting you the whole time, just like I have been this whole time. I don't care if it has to stay a secret, I just want you."

"It could be months, Trace, a year... I don't know when I'll be able to. I try and the words just disappear and I just can't, I wish I could."

"I know," Tracey replied simply. He reached out to cup Gary's face and placed a quick, reassuring kiss to his lips. "You know I would never push you and that I would be there for you. You know it." He kissed him again, quick and reassuring once more. "Gary, anytime I see you struggling with this, it hurts; when you grow, I'm so happy and proud of you. Just, whenever I'm with you," he took a deep breath. There were no words to describe how he felt. "There's something there and I know you feel it too."

Gary gazed at him intently throughout it all. He had never seen this side to Tracey: this sheer amount of passion was new to him but in the short amount of time he had seen it, it became his favorite trait of the pokemon watcher and in that moment he had his answer. He let out a breath that he hadn't known he was holding.

"Yes," he said so softly that Tracey wasn't sure he had heard correctly.

Tracey looked at him in disbelief, unwilling to get his hopes up even for a second. "Yes?"

A grin appeared on Gary's face as he reached out to place a hand to the back of Tracey's neck, drawing him closer. "Yes," he repeated more confidently and, with that, he pressed his lips to Tracey's in another kiss. This kiss was softer, gentle and full of gratitude and vulnerability. It was different, especially for Gary, and Tracey seemed to understand it unbelievably easily and naturally.

Suddenly happier than he could ever remember being, Tracey laughed as they broke apart. He wound his arms around his new boyfriend and rested his forehead against Gary's. "Thank you," he breathed, meeting Gary's eyes.

A faint smirk curved Gary's lips as he felt a rush of confidence surge through him. "What are you thanking me for?" he asked, hugging him back. "You're the one who puts up with me all the time."

Tracey pulled back and smiled. "It goes both ways, Gary," he said quietly. "I might have to put up with you, but I know this isn't an easy thing for you either."

Keeping his arms lightly around Tracey, Gary leaned forward to rest his head against the other teen's shoulder. He felt happiness and relief flood him as he realized exactly what this all meant. The very desire that he had held for over a year was now in his grasp while the fear that had kept him from ever pursuing it wasn't even coming into the equation. His relationship with Tracey was officially beyond a close friendship and, incredibly, Tracey was willing to keep it a secret. They were going to keep it between them, just for him, so that he could come out only when he was ready for it. It was a great sacrifice for someone as incredibly open and caring as Tracey and that fact hit Gary rather suddenly. He knew he had to acknowledge what a big deal this was.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked softly.

Tracey lowered his face to press a small kiss to Gary's temple. "I can't think of anything I want more."

… … …