Author's Notes: Now this story is still far from over, but I've been toying with the idea of continuing on after season six (even though I've gone completely AU with it!) Any thoughts on that? Anyone? Ferris? *snickers*

Chapter Twenty-Five

I'm amazed at the complete turn of events that have happened since I went out to talk to Buffy. Just knowing how she feels, not just about me, but with herself and knowing what she needs right now, it made it too easy just to take what I want and show her that's exactly what she knows she wants too. It's hard to keep my hands off of her as she lead the way through the streets of Sunnydale at a brisk pace.

I stop short when I realize where she's taking me once we're halfway up the walkway to the front door of her house. I don't know why she's taken me here if she doesn't want anyone to know about whatever it is that's happening between us. Buffy just tugs on my hand a little and I give in, letting her lead the rest of the way to the front door. The house is quiet and dark and she motions for me to follow her up the stairs.

She opens the door to her bedroom and leads me inside. I shut the door quietly behind me and turn to face her and she's already pulling me towards the bed. The look in her eyes is intense and full of desire. I want to say something-anything, but I can't mostly 'cause her lips are now on mine, kissing me deeply as she slips her hands under the hem of my shirt. Her hands feel hot against the skin on my stomach and I shiver as she rakes her nails over my skin.

Fuck, I don't know what it is, but she gets right under my skin and I can't seem to say no or put a stop to this before it happens again. I'm still not all there in my mind and that bothers me. I need to get a grip on reality here, but it's hard to with Buffy kissing me the way she is and both her hands now moving around to my back to unclasp my bra.

We're on the brink of a major apocalypse here and we're doing everything but preparing ourselves for what is about to come. That can wait until tomorrow since right now I'm finding it pretty fucking hard to think straight with Buffy's hands on my breasts.

It feels like we're moving too fast and too slow at the same time. I kick things up a notch as I pull away from her lips and promptly remove her shirt. She gasps a little as she pulls at mine and I help her pull off the offending clothing, slipping off my bra for good measure. I reach around to unclasp her skimpy, lacy pink bra and before I can slide it off, she turns me around and pushes me back on to the bed. I watch her as she bites her lower lip and moves to straddle my legs. She tries to push me until I'm on my back, but I don't move. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her again, hard, deep, and full of need.

I ignore the screaming in the back of my mind to put a stop to this. I'm in no mood to listen to my conscience now, not after everything I'd just been through.

I run my hands down the length of Buffy's back and she leans more in to me, but I stop when I feel scars there I didn't feel the last time we were together. I pull back and just stare at her, concerned about how she got them. As a slayer, we heal quickly and most scars fade unless they are deep.

"Demon," she whispers as I trace the jagged scars with my fingertips. "Caught me out of nowhere the night after you went missing."

"Damn, B. Gotta be more careful, yeah?"

"Don't talk. Not now," she groans as she runs her hands through my hair. "Just kiss me."

I grin and don't do as she asked. She tugs on my hair a little and I give in. How can I not with the way she's looking at me? It's full of desire and it's making my blood run hot. I move my hands to the front of her pants and try to slide them down. She gets the hint and stands up, her lips never leaving mine as I slide her pants and her panties down. She almost trips before she kicks off her shoes and removes the rest of her pants. Still, without breaking the kiss, she straddles my legs again and grabs one of my hands and moves it in between her legs, showing me just where she wants me to be.

I need to feel her fully against me, but that's not exactly happening with me still in my pants and boots. I manage to kick off my boots without much of an effort and I lift Buffy up as I stand up and I lay her down on the bed, breaking away from her lips as I fumble with my pants, trying to get them off as quickly as I can.

I raise an eyebrow when I can hear moaning coming from the other room. Looks like Willow and Tara are getting hot and heavy, having a little fun of their own. Buffy laughs softly as she reaches up for me and pulls me down to lay on top of her.

"Were you being honest with me?"

"When?" I ask her as I lean on my hands to keep my body from resting on hers completely.

"When you said you-that you-love me?"

I inhale deeply and try to stay calm. I don't know whether to say yes or avoid it somehow. After she walked away from me when I told her, I ain't so sure how she's gonna react if I say yes right now. This day has been royally fucked up. What was I thinking when I thought being with her would make things be okay again? Be normal-or at least as normal as normal has been for me lately.

I think back to the night we were together last, how different it'd been from the first time in the abandoned house that came crashing down all around us. Tonight is different too for a whole lot of other reasons. And I can't believe I'm thinking like this here and now of all times.

"I meant it," I finally say to her with a small smile. Too late to take the words back now. "Honest."

Buffy cracks a small, sexy smile as she spreads her legs and pulls me flush against her. She wraps her legs around my hips and with a little encouragement, she forces me to thrust down into her pussy.

"Prove it," she whispers as she cups my face gently in her hands. "Prove to me you mean it. Prove to me that you love me."

I know what she's asking and it's definitely something I've never done before. I can fuck like an animal, even fuck nice and slow just to draw out the pleasure, but I don't know how to make love to someone.

Buffy sighs when I don't say anything and barely move as I lay on top of her. I can't tell if she's annoyed or what right now. Maybe she's expecting me to make love to her, make her feel something else, something she hasn't felt in a long time. Or maybe she's expecting something else.

I'm so tired. After everything I've been through, I'm mentally tired and giving up on fighting these thoughts floating through my mind. I keep wishing things could be easier between us, that things didn't have to be so damn complicated and laced with a rocky history. I keep wishing it could've been the way I hallucinated it, that she loved me back in ways I doubt she can for real.

"Faith?" Buffy whispers as she uses her thumbs to stroke my cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"I don't-I can't do this."

"What?"

"This, B. I can't do this," I say as I try to get off her, but her legs are still around my waist and holding me tight against her. "You were right before when you said you didn't think I could give you everything that you wanted, that you needed. I know I said I could try, but fuck, it's not that easy."

"What happened to you?" Buffy asks as she loosens her grip a little and I manage to pull back. I can't think straight with her beautiful naked body pressed up against mine. "What did they do to you?"

I shake my head and try to get off the bed, but she pulls me back down flush against her. "I can't," I say softly as I look away from her eyes. "I just can't."

"Faith, tell me. Talk to me. Please?"

Here goes nothing.

"They had me believing I changed the past," I begin and it feels like my heart just leapt into my throat. "They had me believing that every little thing I changed that it changed the way things were between us. You loved me, B, and we were together. And happy. And-and married."

I can tell she wants more details, but I'm not about to have this conversation when we're all sorts of naked here.

"Married? Is that even legal?" Buffy asks and I have to laugh at little. Is that all she has to say?

"Was in my head, sure. Guess anything was possible with the drugs they were pumping in me."

"You know," she says softly as her thumbs continue to stroke my cheeks. "I did always wonder how different things would be if they'd been different in the beginning. You weren't the only one who made mistakes, Faith. I made plenty of them too when it came to you. But lately I've been a firm believer that you can change things without having to go back into the past to do it. After the last time we were together, I went home and couldn't sleep. All I could do was think of you and these feelings I felt were so deep it was hard to make sense of it at first."

"I'm still locked up and being pumped full of drugs, ain't I?" I mutter under my breath and Buffy just laughs a little. "Or this is just a flashback and I'm not even really here with you."

"It's all very real. I promise you."

I'm feeling a sense of déjà vu here and I try to shrug it off. I laugh again at the fact that we're lying here so intimately and we're having this conversation.

"What's so funny?"

"This. How easy it is to talk to you when we're all naked," I reply, smirking as Buffy rolls her eyes playfully at me.

All it takes to bring me back to my senses is her rolling her hips up into mine and feeling how wet and hot her pussy is against my lower abdomen. I can still hear Willow and Tara in their bedroom, only just faintly now and I realize that if we're gonna do this, we're gonna have to be quiet or else we're gonna get caught. And I'm pretty fucking sure that's the last thing Buffy wants right now is for anyone else to know what's going on between us before she's figured it out for herself.

Yeah, I can be considerate when it comes to others. It's a learned skill I've gained over the last year. It's still feels different that I actually give a crap about others before myself, but I know it's the right way to be.

I know we have to really talk about things, but not tonight. We've talked enough as it is and I'm tired of feeling confused and fighting those thoughts in the back of my mind. So I do the only logical thing, I kiss her nice and deep, daring myself to try to show her that how I feel about her is real.

It's almost sunrise and I've been lying wide awake since Buffy fell asleep a little while ago. She's not in my arms, not anymore. She rolled away and on to her side not even ten minutes ago. Everything is quiet in the house, but inside my mind it's like a frigging nuthouse, voices screaming over others, whispered voices trying to coax me into doing things I don't want to do.

One of those things to sneak out of the house and head back to the apartment before Buffy-or any of the others-wake up.

Maybe I should just go even though before she fell asleep she made me promise her I'd be here when she wakes up. I run my hands through my hair and sigh softly as I turn my head to look over at her. She's sleeping so soundly and even though I can't see her face, I know she probably still has that little smile curled over her lips just like she did when she first fell asleep in my arms.

I don't know if I did anything right, if I made love to her in the way she expected me to. All I know was it felt so damn good, better than the two times before, and better than it was in my head when I was all drugged up. There were times she looked at me with more than just lust and desire in her eyes. I don't want to think it's anything more, not now, not yet. I gotta stop confusing reality from the hallucination. This is Buffy, the real Buffy and I know she just doesn't go and fall in love with just anyone, much less someone like me.

I make up my mind and decide to break the promise I made her. I slip out of bed and find my clothes. I keep watching her as I get dressed, careful not to make a sound to wake her. For a slayer, she's sure a deep sleeper. I pull open the window and climb out, careful not to step on the creaky spot I know is right outside the window on the roof. I turn around and look back in at her. She hasn't stirred. I frown and take a deep breath as I shut the window slowly and as quietly as I can before I walk to the edge of the roof and jump down to the grass.

The sun is just about to rise by the time I make it home and I ain't fucking surprised to see Giles still awake and sitting at his desk reading the morning paper already. When I shut the door, he turns to look at me and I know he's not exactly thrilled I up and disappeared for a couple of hours.

"Where have you been?" Giles asks and I can tell he's trying so hard to stay calm.

"Out."

"I see," he mutters and I shrug it off, but I don't move from where I'm standing. "Doing what, do I dare ask?"

"I was with Buffy," I reply, not caring that I have fresh love bites on my neck that are clear and plain as day and I know he can see them too. I know he's looking right at them. He titters as he turns back to his paper and closes it.

"And may I ask what is going on between you two?"

"Nothing."

"I may be a man and I may be a Watcher, Faith, but I'm not bloody blind and stupid!" He says and I lower my eyes as he turns to look at me, glaring a little. "Would you do the decent thing and be honest with me? Buffy is not as stable as she makes herself appear to be and I know you bloody well aren't either after all you've just been through as of late."

I know I look like a deer caught in the headlights right about now. Giles knows without me having to say anything. I just shrug it off like I don't care, but he ain't buying it.

"I know I may not be privileged to certain aspects of your private life, nor do I have a right to those specific details, but this-this concerns me, Faith."

"I know," I mutter. "It ain't like I plan for these things to happen, G! They just fucking happen and I go along for the ride here."

"I know you love her," he says a little too calmly and it makes me nervous as hell. "Believe me I know how you feel about her. It's been all too obvious for a long time now. I just worry about the consequences this will have for both of you. It is interfering with what we have to deal with here and now, and that is the apocalypse that is very much beginning and unfolding as of this second."

"G, don't gotta tell me twice. I know what I've gotten myself into and believe me when I say I know it's fucked up. But," I sigh as I look up at him and take a deep breath. "But, I can't help it. If you even knew how much I've wanted this and from her, you'd understand why."

Giles clears his throat and I know he's feeling a tad uncomfortable about all this. I am too. He fucking knows about me and Buffy and I'm pretty sure he's the last one Buffy wanted to know about what the hell is going on between us.

"Shit," I groan and I stand there, unable to move from the very spot I've been in since I walked through the door. "It's that obvious, ain't it?"

"It is now," Giles replies with a light chuckle. "I do understand where you are coming from, but that does not mean I agree that what is happening between you two is perfectly normal and healthy. It is far from that."

"Would ya think the same thing if it was Spike instead of me?"

"I'd be far more disturbed if it was."

"G," I say heavily as I come to a realization. "I think I know why Olivia and Roman used me the way they did and fucked with my head in the ways they did."

"To turn your way of thinking to something else other than what is happening right in front of your very eyes, so to speak?"

Sometimes I forget just how logical and wise Giles can be.

"You need to put a stop to what is happening between you and Buffy and focus on what has been happening. This is no laughing matter, Faith, as I've told you earlier. The First is nothing to play around and we have absolutely no idea what it is planning."

"I know. Focus on slaying first, personal life never," I grumble under my breath and wink at him to show I'm joking a little. What? I'm trying to lighten the mood here and not make it so damn uncomfortable knowing Giles knows exactly what is happening with Buffy and me and just where I'd been before I came back home. "So, we calling a meeting soon or what?"

Giles nods his head and I head into the kitchen to make some coffee. He's already on the phone waking up the others, not even bothering to apologize for waking them up so damn early in the morning. It's nearly two hours before everyone shows up and by then I've already drank an entire pot of coffee to myself and made another.

Buffy hasn't said a word to me since she arrived with Willow and Tara. Dawn stayed behind at home, mostly because she has school in the morning and she's on a need to know basis when it comes to this apocalypse. While the others gathered around in the living room with Giles and started comparing notes and information they'd collected since I was taken, I walk into the kitchen and make myself another cup of coffee.

The hair on the back of my neck stands up as I feel Buffy's hands slide over my hips. Nobody can see us from the living room, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make me uncomfortable. I turn to her and she smiles a little, but it quickly fades when she realizes I'm not happy with her touching me at all right now.

"What's going on with you, Faith?"

"I ain't getting into this here and now, B. We got more important shit to deal with," I say quietly and she frowns. "We're gonna talk about this," I say as I point between her and me, "but we're not talking about it now, okay?"

"Faith, I-"

"Giles knows what we did last night," I cut her off and her face flushes red with embarrassment. I can see the anger in her eyes too.

"You told him?"

"Didn't have to. He knew soon as I walked in the door when I got home."

"I can't believe this!"

"Don't tell me Red and Tara didn't ask you about those hickies on your neck this morning."

"I told them it was a demon," she whispers and she chuckles a little. "They bought it."

I can't help but laugh a little at that too. But I don't like the fact that lying is far too easy for Buffy. This is not how she used to be-well, okay she did lie when Angel came back, but I don't blame her for that. Not now after I heard the facts straight from Angel himself about how feral he was when he came back from hell.

Buffy steps closer to me and places her hands on my hips. I fight the urge to push her away as I feel mesmerized by the intense look in her eyes. "How come you left?" She whispers and I sigh heavily. "You promised me you'd stay."

"I couldn't stay."

"That's all you have to say?"

"B, we're not even together. We're just fucking. Don't act like I dumped you or something after a night of wicked amazing sex."

It hurt more than words can express to say that to her, but I need her to back down right now. I don't know what the hell has changed for her in the last couple of weeks and sure, she says she feels something for me, love even, but I doubt it's anything more than her just dying to feel something normal and happy again.

It hurts 'cause I do love her, more than words can ever express, but we got bigger shit to deal with right now. And if we survive it, then maybe we can work on this whole being together thing. Maybe. If she'll even have me by the time this blows over.

I feel like I have to apologize for what I said to her. She's practically on the verge of tears. I look out into the living room and the others are still too busy talking to pay any attention to us. I take both of Buffy's hands in mine and lean in close.

"I'm an asshole, okay?" I say with a frown and she looks away from me. "I didn't mean it."

"You are an asshole," she mutters and I try not to laugh at the impossibly cute face she's pulling right now, trying to look upset and pissed up while trying to hide her smile.

I look down at her and she's wearing the tightest pair of jeans I've ever seen on her. I wiggle my eyebrows a little and that pulls a small laugh out of her. I move a hand to her lower back and make my way over her firm little ass. We're standing so close now that I can feel her hot breath on my lips and as much as I want to kiss her, I can't.

I look over when I hear a gasp and it's Tara. Buffy steps back from me quickly, but it's too late. Tara already saw me straight up feeling her ass and us about to kiss.

"I just-I came to get some coffee," she stammers as she walks past us to the coffee maker.

"Tara, it wasn't what it looked like," Buffy says quickly and I can only roll my eyes.

"I saw nothing," Tara replies with a wink. "Besides," she says softly as she looks at both of us, "it's not like you two were quiet last night."

Buffy stands there with her arms crossed over her chest and I can't wipe the grin off my face. I knew they weren't stupid and I knew we weren't as quiet as we tried to be. I look over at Buffy and she is stoic. I can't read her expression and I'd just love to know what's going through her mind right now.

"Does Will know?" Buffy asks and Tara just laughs a little as she makes up a cup of coffee for herself and for Willow. "Tara?"

"She suspects something is going on, but she hasn't exactly put two and two together yet."

"Oh."

"If you two want to come join us, we've figured out some pretty helpful information that can help in tracking down Olivia and Roman. We also think we may have found a way to get rid of them completely. Or at least for a few hundred thousand years."

I raise an eyebrow at Tara as she walks past us and doesn't say another word. I look over at Buffy and she's still expressionless.

"Let's get down to business, B," I say as I grab my now warm cup of coffee off the counter. "Let's figure how to fight these assholes. They may be immortal, but there's always a way around that."

"How?"

"Don't know, but why don't we go and find out?"

Buffy doesn't move as she drops her arms to her sides. She walks over to me and closes the distance quickly, planting her lips on mine in the softest kiss I've ever had. It leaves me a bit stunned and craving more and once I come to my senses, she's already gone and with the others in the living room. I shake it off and join them, taking the only available seat that is on the arm of the chair Buffy is sitting in. I ignore the obvious look from Tara and listen to what Giles has to say.

"Selwyn has received word from her coven and the one in England. They truly believe they have found a way to banish the Mother and the Immortal to another dimension. A hell dimension that will act as a prison for them."

"How are we going to pull this off?" I ask him and he looks over at Willow.

"With magic, of course," Willow replies with a smile. I see the pained look on Tara's face at the mention of magic and Willow is already on it. "Good magic, sweetie. Good magic always defeats evil more efficiently than dark magic."

I sip my coffee and try to get comfortable. It's going to be a long, long day. Yet again.