Chapter 25: Never Question Fate
A/N: Wow I made it over 500 reviews, thank you it makes my heart swell from seeing all those reviews. I want to thank all who have reviewed the last chapter. I can't believe I have even made it to 25 chapters, let alone have so many people who love this story so much. I mean wow I'm not sure if you realize how much your words have affected me, it really does make my heart swell and push harder to give you the best chapters that I can. My recommendation this time around is The Dartmouth Diaries by Clurrabella, a Jasper and Bella fic, and a damn good one. I couldn't stop reading I was entrance with the tale it spun and I fell in love with not only Jasper all over again, but his PIC Peter. She has definitely caught me with this story and I'm afraid that I am hooked on the story and I'm sure the future stories she will write.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters, I just use them for my own dirty little stories.
***I have to give thanks to the wonderful and talented Cullen818 for being the best beta ever. Woman you should have a plaque or something made in your honor, because your skills are incredible. Plus you inspire me to try my hardest to make a damn good story just like you. Thanks again!***
Jasper: Well darlin' you sure know how to get a reaction from the readers.
Me: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Emmett: Sure you do Lunar, I mean come on you had Jasper run away like a little bitch.
Jasper: *growls at Emmett* I did not run away like a little bitch!
Emmett: Uh huh yes you did, you were worse than bitchward. I think I will get you two ladies matching dresses. Would you like that Jaslyn huh?
Jasper: What the Fuck! *growls again* I swear Emmett keep it up and Rose will be looking for a certain part of your anatomy for years.
Edward: I would gladly help you carry out the punishment Jasper.
Me: Boys! That's enough.
Edward, Jasper, and Emmett: Sorry Lunar
Me: It's okay, I've just been a little strained lately.
Emmett: *snickers and whispers to Edward and Jasper* Probably not getting enough sex in her life.
Me: *glares at Emmett* My sex life is none of your business.
Emmett: *whisper to Edward and Jasper* I take that as a yes.
Me: Fuck you!
Emmett: I'm not allowed, besides if I did than I would be suffering from NS syndrome for two months.
Edward: What the hell is NS syndrome?
Me, Emmett and Jasper: *looks at one another, before laughing*
Tegan: NS means no sex Edward.
Edward: Oh.
Emmett: *snickers and whispers to me and Jasper* For someone who is supposedly smart he sure has a lot of dumb moments.
Edward: Yeah this coming from someone who believes that we can eat human food, we just have to try harder, and who thinks that flying monkeys are real.
Emmett: What the fuck Edward, you said that you wouldn't tell anyone.
Jasper: Um…you two care to enlighten the rest of us on what the fuck you are talking about? And what's this about flying monkeys?
Me: Please do, I'm curious to why Emmett thinks flying monkeys are real.
Edward: Well, we were watching the Wizard of Oz, before he raided Carlisle's medicine cabinet because he said he was bored. Anyway he takes the pills and comes back to finish the rest of the movie, well just as it gets to the scene with the flying monkeys, he jumps up and runs screaming like a maniac to his room. I ran up there to see if he was okay, only to find him curled up in a ball in the closet rocking back and forth, while muttering to himself that there is no place like home, and that the flying monkeys will never find him there.
Jasper: *laughing* Where the hell was I when this happened?
Edward: *laughs* You were hunting with Rose, Esme was out antique shopping, Alice was shopping with Bella, and Carlisle was at work, which left me with Emmett sitting.
Me and Tegan: Wait a minute if you were Emmett sitting, why didn't you stop him from raiding the cabinet?
Edward: Because he kept singing the lollipop guild song in his head or another song that I have no idea where it came from but it was annoying. I didn't know what he was doing until it was too late.
Tegan: Why come Alice didn't see it?
Edward and Jasper: Emmett has been known to do things at a moments notice.
Me: So what was the other song?
Emmett: Oh that, it was not really a song I just kept saying. I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, cause we're all dudes hey.
Me: OMC that's from Good Burger.
Edward: How do you know that?
Emmett: Never mind that, yes I have a fellow Good Burger watcher.
Jasper: So why did you think the flying monkeys were after you Emmett?
Edward: You know he never told me why, so yeah I would like to know as well.
Emmett: Lunar help me out?
Me: Me? Why me, I don't know why the hell you were screaming about evil flying monkeys. Maybe you were hallucinating about them flying from the screen.
Emmett: How did you know that's what I thought?
Me: I don't know, it just seems like something that would go through your head.
Tegan: A hallucinating vampire, I've seen it all now.
Me: Hey Emmett, I hate to tell you this, but I've seen a evil flying monkey in your closet.
Emmett: No, that's impossible, Edward said that they weren't real. Die you evil flying monkey from hell!*runs upstairs to his room*.
Me: *hehehe* That was fun, *whispers to Jasper* you should send him some fear.
Jasper: *sending a wave of fear to Emmett* This is wrong darlin', but it is funny.
Emmett: *runs down the stairs* Jasper you got to save me, the evil flying monkey is coming to get me.
Jasper, Edward, Tegan and Me: There is no such thing as flying monkeys.
Emmett: You lie, stop with your lies and deceit. We are all going to die, they'll wait until we are alone before attacking.
Me: Emmett sweetie, really there's no such thing as flying monkeys.
Tegan: Yeah, just like there is no such thing as unicorns.
Emmett: You lie leprechaun man, there is such thing as unicorns. How else would they have made Harry Potter without one.
Jasper, Edward, Tegan, and me: *look at one another* Um… Emmett those weren't real unicorns.
Emmett: Un huh yes they were.
Me: No they had some CG done.
Emmett: CG, huh?
Jasper: Computer Generated.
Emmett: Oh, ooh hey look a cookie.
Me: Wow that was random.
Edward: Emmett, you can't have the cookie.
Emmett: But I like the cookie.
Jasper: Where have I heard that before?
Edward: Over the Hedge, Emmett's watched it like a thousand times.
Me: *laughs and rolls my eyes* Okay enough with the bullshitting. Jazz, there is someone who wants to say hi.
Jasper: Oh and who might that be darlin'?
4CullensandaBlack: Hi Jasper.
Jasper: Hello darlin'.
Emmett: What the Fuck, 4CullensandaBlack are you stepping out on me? Do you not love me anymore?
Me: Dude chill she had to leave, but don't worry I'll get the message to her.
Emmett: Why the fuck does he get all the ladies? I mean I thought she liked me, and now Jasper is taking her from me, I swear all you women have this fucking god of war syndrome.
Me: Aw, Emmy I still have a thing for teddy bears. It's just there is something about a hot southern cowboy, you know some girls just want to save a horse and ride a cowboy. And fuck me if the image of Jasper doesn't pop into my head. Besides I have a thing for guys with accents, honestly I really have a thing for his friend Peter as well, who knew such a dirty mouth could be a turn on.
Jasper: Lunar, you're salivating over there darlin', I would say that I would tell Peter that you have a crush on him, but I have a feeling he already knows. And I'm glad that it's me you think of when your imagining cowboys.
Emmett: See I knew that you didn't love all of us, you only have eyes for Jasper.
Edward: Trust me Emmett, her mind says otherwise.
Emmett: Anyway back to what I was saying, I thought that 4CullensandaBlack was the girl for me. I thought she was my number one fan?
Me: Emmett you do have a number one fan, it's Rose.
Emmett: Nuh un, I haven't seen her for days, she's been out there in the garage whispering sweet nothings to that damn car. I swear I'm going take a sledge hammer to bumblebee, then she will have to come back to me. I mean who else has a wife that's having an affair with a damn CAR!
Rose: *yells from the Garage* Emmett McCarthy you better not even think about harming my baby!
Emmett: See Lunar what did I tell you, I lost my wife to a damn car.
Me: Aw Emmett, I'm sorry. I guess this is all my fault, I should have never given her that ticket.
Emmett: Yeah well, there's nothing we can do about it now.
Edward: Um…Emmett you need to go get your wife, she's outside posing in front of the garage with a camera in a bikini on the hood of that damn car.
Me: I swear I'm in the twilight zone.
Jasper and Edward: Ha-ha Lunar, funny.
Me: I try, so you guys have anything to say before I start the chapter.
Jasper and Edward: Umm…we love our readers, other than that no you can start the chapter.
Emmett: *yelling outside* For the love of Carlisle, Rose put the camera down and step away from the car and water hose.
Me: *mumbling* I don't even want to know about the water hose, anyway hope you enjoy the chapter.
Bpov
I could feel the gentle scratching of fingernails against my scalp, I sighed in contentment and pushed closer to the hand that was giving me the most soothing scalp massage ever. Doing this caused the person beside me to giggle, hmm…this definitely had to be a dream.
"I know you are awake, open your eyes sleeping beauty." Rose's beautiful voice floated to my awaiting ears.
I groaned wanting to keep my eyes closed, but she was being very persistent, she kept nudging me.
"Bella, look this is where the fairytale ends, I'm not going to kiss you like the prince, so you might as well get your ass up. I know you're awake Bella."
I rolled over and smirked at her. "What, am I not good enough to get a kiss from the beautiful Rosalie?"
She leaned in with a mischievous glint in her golden eyes and with an perfectly arched brow raised. "Trust me Bella one kiss from me and you would be hooked, and I don't think that Jasper would like if you were pining over me instead of him. He can be such a jealous fucker sometimes."
I couldn't help the laughter that spilled from my mouth, as a current of lust surge through my body at the sound of the profanity rolling off her tongue. For someone as beautiful as Rose, you would think that such words would be foreign to her, that if she dared utter a word like that it would taint her perfection.
But not Rose, she cussed like a sailor, but still made it sound sexual whether she had meant to or not. She never held her tongue, she may be a bitch as she liked to put it, but she was damn good at being a bitch. Who would have thought Rose, someone who was cold and icy on the outside, could be just the opposite on the inside with her warm and large heart.
"Oh we wouldn't want that now would we, besides if Emmett ever found out he would probably want to record it for his own pleasure."
Her musical laughter filled the room, as she looked at me with twinkling golden eyes, and a wide dazzling smile.
"You're right Bella, he would want to watch, that husband of mine can be such a perverted, man but that's what I love about him." She leaned in with a sly smile playing at her pale pink lips, she whispered in my ear. "Between you and I there is a thin line between kinky and perverted, that's what makes the sex so fun."
I shuddered as images of Rose and Emmett invaded my mind, if I didn't know any better I would think that Rose was trying get a reaction out of me. Looking over at her, she leaned back against the headboard crossing her arms with a smirk gracing her beautiful face. Yeah she was trying to get me to react and I must have did exactly what she expected. Before I could come up with something to say, she spoke again the humor of before gone from her eyes.
"Bella you should probably go and take a bath, I've already filled the tub with some more hot water. Do you need any help removing your clothes?"
I looked toward the bathroom before biting my lip and shaking my head. I would have loved for Jasper to help me, but as of this moment the Major was M.I.A., frowning a little at what transpired this morning. I sat up and slid out of the bed, only to turn around and face Rose with a small smile.
"Rose, you don't have to help me, but thanks for the offer. Besides Emmett would probably lose all coherent thought and use of words, if he walked in and saw you undressing me."
I smirked at the thought, and saw Rose nod as her perfect lips lifted up into a small smile.
"You're right Bella, tell you what I'll go downstairs and get you something to eat, and then I'll come back up here. I would like to talk if that's alright with you?"
"I would love that Rose."
I smiled and before I turned back toward the bathroom, I saw her stand and leave. Leaving me with my thoughts, I slowly walked back into the bathroom. Running my fingers through my hair, I ran back over the altercation I had with Jasper, everything was great until he saw the bruises again, and then my mouth caused him to leave. I could feel the pain pulsing in my chest as if any moment my heart would crack, I kept telling myself that he would be back, but my heart was denying my words. Wishing I could take back my words, I slowly peeled off my clothes trying to be careful of my injured hand. I slowly sank into the tub and moaning a little as the water soothe the aching muscles, but the tears slid down my face as I thought again on how this morning was a disaster. I sat in the tub silently crying for I don't know how long, before Rose knocked on the door.
"Bella, are you alright? Do you need some help?"
I quickly wiped my tears with my hand and tried to calm the nerves before I spoke.
"I'm fine Rose, I'll be out in a few minutes." My voice was a little shaky and I was sure she notice it, but she didn't say anything. I washed as quickly as possible, before I stepped out of the bath and wrapped the towel around me.
I opened the door to see Rose sitting on my bed with a plate of fruit and scrambled eggs. I opened my dresser and grabbed a bra and pair of panties in a slate gray, slipping the panties on was by far a miracle with only one hand, but my bra was the hard part.
After seeing me struggle for a minute or two Rose came over to assist, I moved my damp hair out of the way as she clasped my bra. I grabbed one of Jasper's t-shirts that was draped over the chair in the corner, sliding the black shirt over my torso I grabbed a pair of gray shorts from the second drawer.
After making sure everything was on and straight I sat down on the bed and began to eat my eggs. I looked up at Rose and she was staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought. I finished eating my food and set the plate on the nightstand beside my bed. Leaning back against the headboard I stared at the wall while waiting for Rose to talk, I was so lost in my own thoughts, that I didn't hear her say my name at first.
"Bella."
I turned to look at her, her golden eyes filled with concern.
"Yes Rose."
"I called your name five times, are you okay?"
"Yeah Rose I'm fine, I just got lost in my thoughts."
She looked at me as if she didn't want to believe me at first, but then she sighed and leaned back against the headboard.
"Bella, I know that in the past I have been nothing but a bitch toward you, but I'm trying to put that past us and be the best sister and friend I can be. But it's not easy, especially since you remind me of myself when I was human. Since I have already told you about my past, I won't make you sit through that gruesome tale again. I do however feel that I should tell you again, that it was never you that I hated, it was the situation."
She had been looking at the wall, when she turned to me.
"Your situation with Edward reminds me of my situation that I had with Royce. Our love for them overpowered us, and some how we lost ourselves while with them. Sure Edward loved you and still loves you to a certain extent, but he never valued your love, which means he never valued you. I want you to know that Jasper is not like that, he loves you and he would do anything for you, but you have got to let him in, let him know how you feel."
I furrowed my brow as I looked at her. "Rose, Jasper knows that I love him and I have never hid any feeling from him."
"Bella I know that you have not hidden your feelings, but that's just it, all he knows is your feelings and not the meaning behind them. You need to tell him, whether it's guilt, fear, or pain that you are feeling tell him, he will understand."
I understood what she was saying, it was just everything was happening so fast, I was in a constant cloud of emotions. I knew the reason behind it and I was disgusted with myself, I never wanted to be that girl that ruined relationships. But here I was in love with Edward, because somewhere along the line fate decided to fuck with me, and told me that not only was Edward not my soul mate, but I was the cause of his fucking mental breakdown. I just wished that this guilt about how everything happen wasn't constantly hanging over my head.
"Rose, I understand that I need to tell him what's on my mind, but he needs to do the same. I guess you were right, Jasper and I may be mates, but we went about this the wrong way, I'm sure everyone agrees."
I had dropped my head and was looking at my hands in my lap, I felt her shift beside me and I looked up into her face.
"Is that what you think Bella? That we are judging you, sure I have said it was the wrong way, but that's only because I believed that you and Edward should have sat down and talked after everything happened. But seriously Bella, who are we to question how we find our soul mates. Yes, the way it happened was wrong, but if you would have resisted, you would have been trying to fight against fate. Some of us know the pull that a soul mate has over the other, because it is one you can't deny, so please don't let guilt get in the way of you and Jasper."
She had moved closer, so that she could put an arm around me. "I know what you are saying is true, I have felt that pull with Jasper, I feel it now and it hurts that he's not here. I don't know what's wrong with me, I still care for Edward, just not the way he cares for me. I just wish that we could move past this, I never meant to hurt him, and I never meant for the family to be torn apart for something I caused. It's just…."
She interrupted me. "Bella, I've already told you, if this was something you could control, than I believe it never would have happened, this is fate and hun you can't mess with fate. So please get it out of your head that you torn the family apart, if you hadn't notice doll we are still here together, as for Edward he'll come around just give him time. You need to stop doubting that you and Jasper are meant to be together, because if you and Eddie-dear were soul mates and meant to be together, than neither of you would have had affairs with someone else."
She took a moment to look at my face, I guess to see if I was actually paying attention to her words. I looked at the door wishing that Jasper would come back, I really just wanted him to hold me. My thoughts were suddenly on the night that we shared in our clearing by the falls. Rose cleared her throat, and I snapped out of my fantasy world.
"But I don't understand Rose, I loved Edward with all of my heart, but the moment I was in Jasper's arms that love was diminished by the amount I felt for Jasper. What I don't get is why did it take so long for us to figure out?"
She furrowed her brow as if she was in deep thought, before a small smile played at her lips. "Your love for Edward wasn't true, that's why it became little to nothing, of course you might still have feelings for him and there may be some lingering love, but it is no where near the amount that you feel for Jasper. Am I right?"
All I could do was nod my head, before she continued. "As for why it took so long, who knows why, every soul mate has a different connection. I knew Emmett was the one for me the moment I looked into his eyes, I've heard that some find there mates through touch. As for you and Jasper may be the reason it took so long was because he was never allowed around you, and you yourself were always hiding behind a veil of hair."
"But if what you say is true, you know about how finding your mate there's a pull, then why did I feel a shock when Edward first touched me?"
She looked at me, turning her body completely toward mine. "Let me ask you this, yesterday even though Edward only had you for a short moment, did you feel a shock run through your body? Did you feel anything at all, a pull, perhaps a connection?"
I thought about yesterday, I didn't feel anything but the pain that was brought on by his grip. I sat there staring at the pattern in the dark blue and black comforter, I analyzed the times in these past few months and I realized that our relationship was broken long before Jasper came into the picture. It had never been the same after Volterra, but yet we held on to the fragment of love that was still there. I could feel Rose's burning glaze upon me, as she waited for me to answer her question.
"No, I felt nothing, except for pain."
She winced before she nodded her head. "Okay, well tell me what do you feel when Jasper touches you? How do you feel when he's not around you?"
Could I really tell her that I feel empty inside? That it feels like I was drowning without him. Shit, she was looking at me again, I really needed to cut the inner monologues.
"Rose it's hard to explain how I feel when Jasper touches me, it feels wonderful, like being wrapped in a warm glow that sends tingling sensations throughout my body. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how I feel when he is around me, when he touches me, hell even if he is just looking at me. As for when he is not around, it hurts, it feels as if my heart has left with him. I feel empty, and I know that no one will be able to feel that void but Jasper."
She held a look of understanding before she smiled at me. "Bella I know the feeling all to well, that's how I felt when I first saw Emmett, it took me years to be able to go awhile without being near him. I should have never said that it was a mistake for you two and how you got together, I'm sorry."
"Rose, you had ever right to say that it was wrong, our actions has caused a riff in the family, but I can now see that I can't keep blaming myself and I can't put all the blame on Edward. I just feel like I'm moving so fast with Jasper and that I need to slow down and let my mind and heart process what has happen these last few weeks. Then sometimes I feel like we're not moving fast enough and that we have been wasting precious time, because every moment away from him feels like a lifetime. It hurts to see what all this is doing to Edward, but the pain that I feel for him is nothing in comparison to the pain I feel from the words that I said to Jasper. I had asked Edward if we can try and be friends, but I can see how foolish that was now. How can I expect him to be friends with me if I hold some things against him, I was so rude to him because I was hurting, but I didn't factor in that he was hurting as well. I know that friendship is the last thing he wants, but we have to move on, and I know that for that to happen we have to have a real conversation first."
I was trying to hold the tears at bay, but they slowly began to fall as I realize what an awful person I was, not only was I a danger magnet but I seem to hurt a lot of people at the same time. I was hurting so many people with the choice I was making, I had hurt Jacob before he met his mate.
At the time I tried to hold on to our dying friendship, that he clearly wanted to be more than just a shoulder for me to cry on, but I couldn't give him the love that he deserve, yet I didn't want to let him go because I was selfish.
Sure we were still friends, but it wasn't like how it use to be, I was happy that he finally imprinted on a girl from Port Angeles, her name was Mina and her bubbly personality was easily compared to that of my little pixie friend. She actually reminded me of what a story book snow white would be like alive.
Flawless creamy ivory skin, straight jet black hair that hung just past her shoulders, full pouty red lips, and green almond shaped eyes that brighten every time she laughed. I knew that eventually I was going to hurt my parents when I could no longer be apart of there world, I would never be able to get to know my little brother Adam and I was sure that Renee would be hurt but she would have Phil and Adam to keep her distracted.
I wish that I could stop the never ending pain, but I knew that losing one family I will gain another for eternity. I was still lost in my thoughts as I felt Rose wipe a tear that had trailed down my cheek. I looked into her eyes, they were filled with such sadness it was as if she felt my pain as well.
"Bella you can't keep letting the guilt and pain of what has already transpired eat at your heart not to mention your mind. Listen to me when I say what has happened is over with, and you can't move on if you don't resolve the issues from the past, but you can't live in fear and guilt of the past either. Because you can't change that of the past but you can learn from the experience of the mistakes made and hope that the knowledge will help the future. Who are we to question fate? If Edward doesn't understand that this is something you can't fight even if you wanted to, then I say let him be stubborn for the time being, he'll see eventually."
"I just can't understand this whole soul mate situation, why now? Why not before?"
She ran her fingers through her hair, before letting out a sigh. "Well, Bella I believe that it was because neither of you were ready, well perhaps not mentally or emotionally ready for what lies ahead."
I could feel the small amount of fear trickle down my spine and I automatically shivered at the thought that there might be some more obstacles along the way of the happy future I would have alongside my Major, my golden Ares.
"So you're saying that I might face some problems in the future?"
She laughed, her golden eyes twinkled before darkening as she frowned. "Bella everything won't be a bed of roses, besides you are the mate of Major Jasper Whitlock, known and feared by the vampires of the south of course down there he has many names; God of War, Blood Reaper, and I'm sure there is more. I'm not saying that you will get attack, I'm just saying that his past is dark, but you know this already. Look I'm sure that I have talked your ear off enough, so I'll leave you to think."
I looked out of the window, watching as the rain began to fall, hmm typical Forks weather. I heard Rose sigh and felt the bed move as she got up, I looked over at her and gave a small smile which she returned.
"Bella, promise me that you won't be too mad at him, let him explain his reason for leaving, you should talk to him about how you truly feel because like Edward he can't read your mind."
With one last smile she left me to my thoughts, the steady drone of the rain beating against the window, made me slightly drowsy. I tried in vain to keep my eyes open as I waited for Jasper, but I was mentally exhausted and the rain's hypnotic sound slowly lulled me into a peaceful sleep with the images of my Major holding me still lingering in my mind.
A/N 2: Okay please don't hate me for taking so long to update. I really pushed myself to get this out but life and plus the fact that the evil little plot bunnies kept changing their mind every so often. So yeah, I'm not to happy with this chapter not one of my best, but I felt that should give you something. So please review, let me know your thoughts, opinions, loved it, hated it. *kicks at the ground, before looking up with puppy dog eyes* I say this again because I've said it before, I'm sorry please say ya forgive me. I'll try to be faster but I make no promises with Thanksgiving coming up especially since I will be doing a lot of cooking, and planning that dinner leaves me frustrated, and you don't want me to write under those conditions do you? Anyway before I end this I must say don't forget to vote for your favorite story for the Home for the Holiday's contest.
Lunar