Chapter 25
Richard rode with Kahlan cradled protectively in his lap; her head nestled against his neck. His face was set like stone, detached, concealing the deep cavity of pain that only continued to expand with every breath he drew.
Kahlan had been unresponsive since leaving the Temple at Caspar yesterday morning, her breaths becoming shallower, her skin like touching a frigid icicle. He had hoped the minor improvements in her condition last night when he had held her had been an encouraging sign, that maybe he could help bring her back by being there for her. Unfortunately, that hadn't been the case.
Holding her to him now, feeling the biting cold touch of death that had crept into her body was like daggers to his heart, but he refused to let her go. In fact, he hadn't let her go since the night before last except long enough for Zedd or Caid to hand her back over to him so he could carry her with him on his horse has they made their way back to the People's Palace and his brother who awaited his arrival.
He gazed overhead to the thick green canopy of leaves, splashes of dappled sunlight periodically breaking through and falling across them. He wondered what could possibly be worse – watching her die so brutally, so suddenly right before his eyes or this long, drawn out agony that was slowly stealing her life along with his.
His vision suddenly blurred just like it had so many times before over the last couple of days, his expressionless face abruptly cracking and allowing the overwhelming bitterness and grief that flowed like hot lava through his veins to appear once more. He felt as though his own life was being choked out of him. Every breath he drew was just a horrifying reminder that Kahlan soon wouldn't be, that he'd be alive and she'd be gone.
The only hope that he had left was resting safely in his pocket, waiting for Demos Rahl. It was his bargaining chip, the only leverage that he had to force his brother into saving Kahlan. Of course, he had his sword back now in his scabbard where it belonged, but what good would that be against Demos's powerful magic?
His brother could twist just about anything with his magic, turning it into a weapon against him. Demos could stop him dead in his tracks before he could even reach him if he so chose to.
Richard swallowed past a thick lump in his throat, leaning down to brush his lips softly against her forehead like he had done so many times over the last couple of days. The most important thing in the whole world to him was right here in his arms. How could he possibly begin to live without her for even a moment?
Even when he had believed that she was dead there was always that dim flicker of hope in the back of his mind that maybe, just maybe, Cara had gotten to Kahlan in time, had been able to save her life. It had kept him moving, kept him pressing forward.
But now, his hope laid in the hands of a wicked brother he neither trusted nor wanted in his life.
Sensing someone close, he turned to see Zedd pulling his horse up beside him. Guilt still filled the old Wizard's eyes despite Richard's insistence that this wasn't his fault, but it had fallen on deaf ears. He was blaming himself for this.
"I can take her for a while if you want," he softly offered, his gaze focused on the Mother Confessor, how she was barely breathing now.
"I'm fine," Richard replied with a clipped tone, turning his focus straight ahead of him.
He knew that Zedd was just trying to help, to ease some of his grief, but he'd gladly carry it for her. Even though his body ached, he refused to give her up. The faint erratic whisper of her breath against his chest told him she was still alive, still with him for the moment. He couldn't let that small bit of comfort go, couldn't let her go.
He knew that Zedd wasn't to blame. He was just furious with the whole situation, the helplessness that he felt. Cara had told him how Kahlan had insisted that Zedd try something because she wanted to be able to be there for him, to help him. She didn't want Richard to have to worry about her anymore.
Kahlan had been willing to try anything at that point, no matter the consequences because she loved him that much.
Looking down, he gently pulled back the lock of hair that had fallen over her face, tenderly hooking it behind her ear. He was still amazed that someone of her standing, of her great authority and importance would even give him the time of day let alone allow her heart to fall so in love with him. He was nothing compared to her.
"We're going to stop and take a break for lunch soon," Zedd suddenly announced. "We should reach the People's Palace late this afternoon. Plenty of time to keep any children from senselessly losing their lives."
Richard could only nod his head in response, his ability to make his voice work suddenly gone. Everyone had done their best to keep their distance from him, knowing that he didn't want to talk or have company right now. He only wanted to be with her…always, only her.
Zedd sighed heavily, unable to bear the horrible armor of anguish and fury that his grandson now wore especially knowing that he'd helped perpetuate it. He might as well have personally handed the poor girl over to the Keeper himself.
He pulled up on his horse, allowing Richard to go on ahead alone again. Falling back to ride with Cara and Commander Caid, the old Wizard wearily rubbed his eyes in an effort to keep the tears at bay.
"Zedd…" Cara carefully began, seeing his sorrow and trying to think of a way to convince him that this wasn't his fault.
"She's not going to make it to the People's Palace," he grimly informed them.
"There's nothing else you can do?" Caid asked.
"I've tried everything I can think of," Zedd shook his head. "When the spell I had hoped would help didn't work, I decided to try everything I could think of. Nothing seemed to touch it.
"It's like when the Keeper spelled her soul, he also put a protective field around it, keeping anyone from trying to remove it."
"Maybe the only way to save her is to just let her die," Cara suggested, the words tasting bitter on her tongue.
"I'm afraid that you may be right," Zedd sadly replied, realization dawning on him. "Maybe once she enters the Underworld, the spell will finally be fulfilled and the link will be broken. It may be our only hope of saving her."
"Then we just have to figure out a way to bring her back from the dead," Caid said.
Cara cast a sidelong glance at the Commander riding beside her, still somewhat stunned at his sudden change of heart. She never thought she'd see the day when a Commander in the D'Haran army would chose to side with the Seeker and Mother Confessor or fight to save their lives.
Richard adjusted the green blanket that he'd wrapped around her shoulders, hoping it would provide her some warmth, but unfortunately it didn't seem to be helping at all. In fact, nothing he did seemed to help. He could no longer feel the faint pulse of her breath against his skin.
He had truly lost her now.
He felt the familiar heat of his rage flaming back to the surface, a tremble of fury rippling through him like a violent earthquake. If she hadn't tried to protect him, she wouldn't be dying in his arms right now, leaving him to go on in life alone. How could she leave him like this? How could she do this to him?
Hot bitter tears began to roll down his face and dripped from his chin, disappearing into her hair. He was furious at everyone and everything, angry with her for leaving him, angry at himself for not being able to stop this.
Tilting his head, he buried his face in her hair, a strangled sob escaping. He squeezed his eyes shut against the intensifying pain that was surging through him, knowing that she was gone. He tightened his hold on her, desperate for her to open her eyes and look at him again, to smile the smile she gave to no other but him.
He longed to hear her lilting laughter, the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled at him. He wanted to feel her lips so soft against his, the love he felt every time she touched him.
"Please…Kahlan…don't leave me…please…" he softly sobbed. "I can't lose you, Kahlan."
He just wanted to lie down and die right along with her, to close his eyes and never open them again. He felt so cold and empty without her in his life, so incomplete and alone. No one knew him like she did, not even his own grandfather. How could someone survive when half of you had died?
"I love you…Kahlan…" he wept into her hair. "You are my world. I won't give up until I've brought you back to me."
Riding behind him, Zedd, Cara, and Caid all knew that Kahlan was gone by the way that Richard held her, his body shaking with his grief. Zedd couldn't keep his own tears back any longer, allowing them to silently fall.
Cara ground her teeth in rage, her fists twisting the reins of her horse as she fought back her heated emotions. They didn't deserve this; Kahlan didn't deserve this end. They had a future together and now it was gone.
Commander Caid lowered his head, his heart so very heavy. The Seeker and Mother Confessor had been his enemies. That fact had been drilled into his head over and over again, but now he understood they were the true salvation of them all. They were the only ones who could save the world from the Keeper.
But they'd have to save the Mother Confessor first in order for that to happen.
XXX
Kahlan opened her eyes to find herself in the center of utter chaos, the strangled moans of suffering filling her ears. The last thing that she remembered was Richard lying beside her and holding her close against him just like she had craved for him to do for so very long.
It had felt wonderful except for his tears. It had hurt her deeply that he was crying because of her. She remembered she had wanted so badly to take away his pain, to erase his sorrow, but she couldn't make her body work the way that she had wanted.
Just whispering his name had been difficult, sliding her arm around his waist taking everything that she had. But she had successfully done it, had been able to respond to him in a small simple gesture of love. And it had been her last.
There were also briefer, hazier flickers of memories – Richard cradling her in his lap on his horse, his fingers continuously stroking her hair or the feel of his hand lightly caressing her face. His words of love and promises to save her still echoed in her ears giving her hope of seeing him again, but she knew that she couldn't allow herself to cling solely to that.
Some things in this life were just beyond the realm of possibility. It wasn't his fault if he couldn't save her, but still…if anyone could do it, it would be Richard.
Looking about her, Kahlan warily got to her feet, her nakedness suddenly unnerving her. She knew the Keeper and Darken Rahl were probably watching her, leering at her. She fought against the overwhelming urge to cover herself with her hands. She didn't want to give them the satisfaction.
She fisted her hands tightly at her sides, her jaw clenched in defiance. She would endure this for as long as necessary, wouldn't allow the Keeper or Rahl to steal her hope of seeing Richard again someday. At the same, she knew she was also going to have to find a way to survive if he couldn't.
"I know you're there so show yourself!" she yelled into the air, waiting and watching.
Each beat of her heart seemed to thump harder in her chest with every moment that slipped silently by, her fingernails digging into the palms of her hand as she waited. Her chin was lifted in pride, her authority as the Mother Confessor practically making the air around crackle with her power.
Unfortunately, she could no longer feel her magic, had no power to call upon, nothing she could use to defend herself against whatever they had planned for her. And she knew they had plans for her, dark horrifying things that she couldn't begin to imagine.
Ignoring the shiver of dread that spike through her, Kahlan continued to search the eerie green landscape. "I know you're there watching me," she tried again. "Now, show yourself!"
Again, she was met with nothing but the undulating moans of misery and agony that surrounded her. It was unsettling to listen to, the never-ending torment that echoed in her ears. Waves of loneliness washed over her like tidal waves crashing on the shore, threatening to pull her out to sea to drown in her sorrow.
She missed Richard so desperately that it felt as though she might collapse, never to get up ever again. The only thing keeping her upright was the fact that he was safe in the world of the living with Zedd and Cara. They would protect him, watch out for him.
She swallowed back the painful cry that stuck in her throat, knowing that she would never be there for him ever again. Their future together had forever been erased.
The dreams that she had dreamt for over a year and half were now nothing more than that – just dreams. She would never be his wife, his lover, the mother of his daughters. She would never know the feel of his touch, the hunger of his kisses, the sweet rapture of making love with him someday.
She would never see his eyes in their daughter, his smile on their little girl's lips or his wonder and curiosity with life. She would never again hear his words of love, his beautiful laughter or the way his eyes danced with amusement when he teased her.
But he was alive and that was all that mattered now.
She would survive down here because of that knowledge. Richard would have to find the Stone of Tears without her, find a way to defeat the Keeper despite the prophecy about her beating heart. There had to still be a way. Maybe there was something she could do down here, something that would still help him. She'd do whatever she had to do to help him now.
"Well, if it isn't the Mother Confessor herself…Kahlan Amnell."
The sound of the familiar mocking voice struck fear to her core, but she refused to allow him the pleasure of seeing it. She steeled her emotions, her Confessor's face firmly in place despite the fact she no longer was one.
"Show yourself!" she dared him, her blue eyes flashing with deadly intent although she was completely powerless here.
"So eager to see me?" Darken Rahl drawled in amusement. "I thought that you'd want to avoid me for as long as possible…though that is a ridiculous notion down here. There is no place to hide from me in the Underworld."
"I'm not afraid of you," she bit out through clenched teeth.
"Oh but you should be, my dear Kahlan," he replied with a sudden nearness, a sudden gentleness that surprised her.
She felt unexpected fingers lightly stroking along her spine, causing her to involuntarily shiver. She froze, not attempting to pull away as his touch lingered near her bottom before trailing back up to her shoulder.
She bit the inside of her mouth, fighting back the urge to run. There was no place to run, no where she could go, nothing that she could possibly do to escape. She was trapped here for all eternity unless Richard was able to find a miracle that would save her from this hellish nightmare.
Darken's fingers delicately danced along her flesh, creating a trail of gooseflesh down her arm in its wake. There was nothing erotic about it. In fact, it made her want to scrub her flesh raw to remove his vile touch from her body.
Kahlan closed her eyes, doing her best to remain calm. She focused her thoughts on Richard, centered her mind on the fact that he was safe. If Darken Rahl and the Keeper were preoccupied with her, then they wouldn't be looking for ways to destroy him.
"So very beautiful…" he whispered, his mouth suddenly against her ear. "So exquisite."
She opened her eyes, turning her head to glare at him. "What do you want?"
Darken smiled something sinful, his eyes growing dark with hunger. She could almost see the lust-filled thoughts that he was thinking, practically watching it play out in his mind. It caused bile to rise in her throat.
She had never been with a man before. The only man who had ever touched her had been Richard and even that night was one she couldn't remember, couldn't relive in her mind whenever she wished, to remember and treasure. Only he remembered that night she'd been torn in two and that hadn't even really been her.
"What I want most is to be released from this place your precious Seeker sent me to," he scowled, grabbing her by the back of her neck and holding her close. "But since that isn't possible, I'll take you instead."
"So I'm a conciliation prize?" she replied, trying to ignore his painful grasp on her neck.
"You are the most prized treasure of all, my dear," he smirked. "And I'm going to make sure that you enjoy…" he suddenly paused, wrenching her neck to the side so he could kiss her. "Each and every moment of it."
Kahlan remained frozen as he kissed her hard, his other hand groping her breast. She forced her thoughts to Richard, focused on his face, his handsome face as she fought back rising fear. She could endure anything for him.