The Daughter Of Starlight

by thesonicsmiley

This little elleth has lived her whole life alone in the woods until one day when her whole world turns upside-down and she is forced to leave her home behind. On her long journey to get home again she does not only find unexpected friendship and explore the world, but also finds out something about herself that she did not expect.

25. My family?

Hello,

I have to say that I'm really sorry that it took so long time before this chapter came up, I honestly thought I would manage to finish it before my family went away to our summer house - where we have no wifi.

But I've been working on this chapter for the past couple of days and I hope an extra-long chapter will make up for the long wait! Thank you for enduring last chapter's cliffie, really didn't intend for it to take so long time before updating... And THANK YOU for reading my story! We are up in 85 friends that keeps track of this story, you have no idea of how much this means to me - this is my first fanfic ever and my English skills are not the best (especially not in the beginning), I can feel how much I'm developing from each chapter and I just want to thank you who reads this for your support, even if you don't say anything.

Speaking of my bad English skills, I thought that if any of you guys would be interested to be my beta-reader for this story, then just send me a PM with your interest and your strenghts/weaknesses.

I would also appreciate if all of you guys could take an extra minute to take the poll in my bio - it's quite important for the future...

Anyhow, I will stop talking now. Thank you yoloforever, windsongspringheart, Muirgen79, unicorn682006 and KiyaJinnSkywalkerKenobi for reviewing! Whenever I find myself having a hit of writer's block your reviews really is what's keeping me writing :3

And as always, ENJOY

xxx

The sun had just begun to peek over the edge of the horizon as I threw my bag onto my bed and roughly began to pack down all the things I had had whence I first had gotten here, four months ago.

I was already wearing the clothes I would be traveling in: a light blue tunic with hems and embroideries of silver, ending just below my hips, and it seemed as it would keep me warm in even the coldest of weathers; a pair of dark, not completely black but like the shade of night, dressed me from my waist and down. I noticed, to my joy, that it had pockets both on the back and the front; brown boots that were as light as air; from my shoulders there hung the cloak that had been given to me from lord Elrond. Lady Galadriel had let it be repaired from that awful night in the cave of the goblins, that still haunted my mind.

I touched the silver leaf that held the cloak together right between my collarbones and remembered the home in Rivendell that I had left.

At last, I took my book of herbs and plants from the desk and let it slide down into the bag.

'There, all done', I thought and sat down next to it on the bed.

I found myself fiddling nervously with one of the leather straps of the bag and let go of it. My fingers tingled by the lack of holding something so eventually I gave up and began to fiddle with the strap again. My mind was a mess. I couldn't seem to focus my thoughts on anything without them sooner or later slipping back to… Back to the previous night. And then I was right there again.

"Child", she said and turned to me. Her head tilted slightly and she looked at me with compassion. She began approaching me but stopped as I took a step backwards.

"Are you… My mother? Tell me the truth. The whole truth. You cannot deny me what you know." A lump filled my throat as I had spoken and my pulse was raising. What answer would I get? And more importantly: Would I like it?

I shook my head and stood, leaving the bag and the room behind as I entered the balcony. A breeze of the morning ruffled my hair and felt cool on my cheeks as I looked over the forest I soon would be leaving behind.

The golden treetops shimmered as the sun rose higher on the sky, reflecting the colors of the dawn. A couple of white birds flew over my head and settled in one of the trees a distance away. Their song was light and the feeling of spring settled inside me. I took a deep breath and let the scents of the forest overwhelm me: pollen, grass, dirt, wet moss, wild flowers, sun and dust.

It's a funny thing - how you come to realize how beautiful the place is first when you have to leave it. It somehow felt like I should have appreciated my time here more than I had. The nature had such a soothing effect on me.

I just stood there, lost in time and space, until a familiar voice brought me back to reality with a startle.

"It is time, my lady. They are waiting for you",

I turned around to see Faervel stand at the top of the stairs, watching me with that suspicious look that always played on his face whenever I was around.

I gave a nod and watched him disappear down the stairs without as much as a sound - apparently he didn't want to give me a reason to bump into him again.

I snorted.

What really set my mood on leaving was the fact that I would never have to see him again, ever. Though I, for his sake, hoped he would stop walking about with his nose so high in the air once I'd be gone - I wouldn't count on that too many maidens were interested in overconfidence, self-centered donkeys.

I gave myself a mental pat on the shoulder for the comparison.

With a sigh I couldn't discern if it was heavy, or just deep, I went back into my room and threw the bag over my shoulder. With a last check in the mirror, I corrected the golden hair pin in shape of a butterfly and drew back some of the loose strings behind my ears. Something white in the corner of my eye caught my attention.

'Oh, I almost forgot you', I thought and picked up the white flower the lady had given me once I first had gotten here. With a smile on my lips I placed it in my hair right over the tip of my left ear.

I lingered by the mirror for just a moment longer. My cold fingertips drew over my pale cheek and my moss-green eyes stared back at me, judging me.

I looked young, or at least noticeable younger compared to the other female elves, but I had changed since when I first came here. Or maybe it was just all in my mind.

I took a breath and turned away from it, making my way out of the room which had been mine for the past four months. Before walking down the stairs, I turned to give it one last look.

Even though I was happy to leave, there was something inside of me that wanted to stay. Then I remembered the event from the previous night and turned, without hesitation, and began to walk down the grand staircase for the last time.

'Soon I will be home again,' I thought as I went.

But there was something that felt wrong. To be coming home again was my goal, it was what kept me going, my fuel. But the fire inside of me was fading. I knew that it would not be the same thing to come back, not after spending a year among the elves. And if I felt like this now, after only two thirds of the time, what would it be like when my whole time was spent? What would be of the people I have met - Gandalf, lord Elrond and Lindir? Would I let go of them completely and return to my old life? Or would I stay in Rivendell? Or would I-?

I clenched my fists, took a deep breath, and cleared my mind.

I came to the end of the stairs and corrected the bag before walking onto the trail leading to the path. The morning had, as well as it did every day, filled the grass and the yellow petals of the flower Élanor with tiny dewdrops that caused the soles of my shoes to become wet. And as always, a beautiful song was in the air.

I heard the distant sound of laughs from the maidens taking care of their morning duties, such as laundry, sewing, and preparing the deeds for the day. They seemed delighted and I wondered if I had ever seen any elf around here being sad or down, except for Faervel then, but he just looked as if he had stepped in something.

I followed the great path to the center of Caras Galadhon, where I assumed I would meet up with the lord and the lady.

My eyelids tickled every now and then and I was forced to rub them several times, attempting to rub off the sleepiness - I hadn't slept very good this night. Several times I had awoken by my concerned mind that had kept reminding me of the event that had taken place earlier that evening.

I shook off the thoughts and instead focused on taking the right path. I would soon be at their pavilion, the lady and the lord's, where white tables were filled with fruit and berries and the harps always were playing. The path lead me on until I could follow the sound of a harp coming from the glade I was searching for.

I hesitated at the top of the small staircase that lead down to the glade. It was now right ahead of me but the huge bush with white flowers kept me unseen from the people downstairs. The sweet scent of honey reached me and teased my stomach that growled quietly.

'I have to face her sooner or later... Even if I would prefer the later one...' I thought as I took a deep breath and an anxious wrinkle played between my eyebrows.

I took another deep breath and then let the steps of the stair pass under my feet as I entered the open space.

The scene was pretty as a picture: tents of white silk had been set up over the tables and looked like great sails in the wind, the skilled fingers of two maidens touched the golden strings of the harps while a man was playing the flute, the morning sun broke through the golden foliage and looked like spotlights as it hit the ground.

By the tables stood the lady and the lord. Celeborn was fiddling with a grape for a moment before he placed it on his lips and Galadriel stood like a beautiful statue, holding her clasped hands still and letting her gaze linger on the forest surrounding her.

As I stepped out into the glade both of their gazes instantly fell on me.

It is hard to describe the expressions I saw on their faces. At first, their faces relaxed and the corners of their mouths tilted slightly upwards. But as they saw my fragile and concerned gaze both of their expressions deepened into more careful and unreadable expressions.

"Ah, Gilrin, you have arrived", Celeborn spoke in his deep voice and took a step towards me so that he now stood by his wife. "We were beginning to wonder if you had gotten yourself lost", he continued lightly and gave me a bright smile.

I approached them with a rather low head, since I didn't dare to meet their eyes that at the moment seemed more powerful than ever. Instead I focused on the table, the instruments and the end of my sleeve. I was only hoping they wouldn't mention what had happened yesterday, that was not a conversation I was ready to have yet. Shame and anger still ran through my veins.

"My lord, my lady", I mumbled loud enough to be polite and bowed my head. They nodded back at me. "I suppose I will leaving as soon as possible?" I asked with newfound courage and a steady voice, looking up to meet lord Celeborn's steadfast gaze.

"Yes", Galadriel confirmed and I was just about to turn around and start walking towards the stables as she surprised me. "However, first we were hoping you would join us in a last meal before your leaving?" she continued calmly and made a graceful gesture with her hand towards the tables.

I had really been hoping they would have eaten breakfast without me, but there was nothing I could do about it now.

"Ofcourse", I replied, not quite able to hold back a sigh which I hoped they wouldn't have noticed.

We sat down at one of the round tables, one offering many options to feast on. The lady and lord sat down next to each other, and I opposite to them. They began talking of the season that had passed and of the one about to come, but their voices soon became a low hum in the background.

The harpist played a beautiful melody that caught the breath of the morning and the tunes of a flute joined in. I focused on the song and let every tune, every note enchant my mind.

Unconsciously I closed my eyes and let the nature occupy my senses; the sun shone in my face and heated my cheeks from the young morning that still held on to the winter; wonderful scents, not only from the food at the table but from the wood as well, filled and tickled my nose. Pollen, grass and air from a wind that had traveled long and far filled my lungs; in the background of the music I heard the sweet tweets of birds; and for a second, everything felt like normal, like it should.

"My dear, will you not eat? You will need it for your journey", lord Celeborn said and his deep, silvery voice interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to reality. I looked up at him for a second before lowering my gaze.

"Yes", I said and began filling my empty plate with fruit and honey-biscuits. It had been but a faint whisper but it was loud enough for him to hear. He sent a slightly worried frown to his lady, who gave his hand a gentle squeeze, before returning her gaze towards me.

"We have spoken, and if it would be of your interest", she spoke and I looked up at her. "Then we would be honored if you chose to stay here after your time in Mirkwood.

That I had not expected.

I felt my jaw drop but closed it quickly again.

"I-I, I mean-", I stumbled over the words and my gaze flicked from each item on the table as I blinked frequently.

"If it would be of your interest. You do not have to decide yet, and the choice is completely yours", lord Celeborn spoke up and I silenced myself as my, now even more, fragile gaze met his. After a moment of utter silence, except from the harps and the flute, and reflection I opened my mouth.

"I am honored by your offer, and I shall consider it wisely", I heard myself say with a low voice as I looked down at the table with a wrinkle of concern inbetween my eyebrows, but I did not lie, my words were of truth. From the corner of my eyes I could see that the wrinkles of faint worry on their faces had been replaced with a soft smile.

"And for that we thank you, Gilrin", they both spoke in choire.

Before any of us had the time to say anything else, a tall maiden with silver locks hurried up to our table. She bowed at each one of us before giving us the news.

"The prince has arrived. He is told to wait for you by the stables", she said with a silvery voice.

The lady gave her a wide, bright smile before thanking her and sending her off.

"Well, we shan't leave him waiting, shall we?" she said and stood, quickly followed by her husband. I too stood and followed them in the direction of the stables.

We entered one of the smaller paths, the two of them walking first and then me following them. I heard them mumbling to each other, just low enough so that I could not discern the words.

After just a few minutes I could spot the familiar house through the trees, the first of the three symmetric stables. A grin fell over my lips and I hurries forth as much as I could without stepping on the lady's dress. They seemed to notice my excitement, for I could clearly hear the low chuckle of lord Celeborn and the soft laugh of lady Galadriel that rang like silver bells.

We entered the cobblestoned area in front of the stable that took the form on a circle and there, as clear as day, I saw him.

I had recognized him immediately by the golden hair that crowned his head and the soft eyes, clear and blue as the sky. He was dressed in green, from the dark riders to the lighter shirt and the deep green cloak covering his shoulders.

He did not notice us where we went as he spoke to one of the stablemen I knew as Rochon, the man who were in charge of the stable. I had never actually spoken with him, but he was always smiling and he took well care of the horses.

I suddenly grew very nervous. I hadn't seen him in such a long time, what page were we at? We had separated as good friends but had the time undone what had been?

Rochon noticed our approached and nodded in our direction. Legolas followed his move and bowed when he saw us. He left his horse in the care of Rochon and began to walk towards us.

He had not seem to notice me, where I went behind lord Celeborn, and flicked his gaze between the lord and the lady with a confused wrinkle upon his brow. The wrinkle disappeared as lord Celeborn took a step to the side and let me walk up next to him.

A little unsure of what to do, I bowed my head before letting my gaze fall on his face again. He had a soft smile on his lips, his eyes were twinkling, and his head was slightly tilted to the side.

As he returned the gesture I searched in his face more closely. He looked exactly like I remembered him, he hadn't changed a bit.

"Welcome, Legolas Thranduilion. I hope your journey have been safe?" lord Celeborn greeted and Legolas focused his eyes on him.

"Thank you, my lord. The journey has gone as planned and we hope it shall continue that way", Legolas replied.

'We?' I thought and first then I noticed the three men by one of the other stables, all dressed in green as well. They looked very different from the Lóthlorien elves, the elves of Rivendell too, all from their darker, ash blonde and brown hair to the features of their faces: sharp cheekbones and more narrow eyes that were slightly tilted, very catlike. They were stronger built and seemed to be more cautious and observing of the environment.

Legolas followed my gaze and then gave me a reassuring smile.

"Do not worry, the road is not that dangerous. But it would be unwise to travel without a company", he said and I nodded in response.

I figured that I yet hadn't said a word, but I was interrupted before I could even say anything.

"It was a long time since last, Edengwen", he said softly and I startled when he used the name I hadn't been called for since what felt like a really long time ago.

"It was", I replied shyly and felt my cheeks heat up.

A sudden frown of concern appeared on his forehead and he looked up at the lord and the lady.

"I do not want to urge your farewell, but my father was very clear that we returned as soon as possible", he said and I saw the lady give a nod where she stood right next to me.

"And we shall not let your father wait longer than necessary", she said and suddenly took out a small, white envelope from somewhere she had hidden it and handed it to him. "Be so kind and give this to him. It is of great importance that no one but the king reads it", she continued sadly and Legolas took it from her with a slightly surprised but concerned frown. Before I could begin to wonder what it said she turned to face me.

My gaze was unsure as it looked up at her face, I had still not forgot the yesterday, but she did not seem to have those concerns on her mind any longer. Instead, she carefully drew back a strand of my loose hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. By the touch I could hear her thoughts.

'Goodbye, Gilrin my dearest. I did not intend to make our parting any harder, forgive me',

She thought and removed her soft lips from my forehead.

A strange, tickling, cold feeling appeared in my stomach. I knew exactly what she had been speaking about and I almost felt bad for acting so cold. Almost. But I couldn't forget her, at least not yet.

"Our gates will always be open to you", she said out loud and let her gaze linger on mine for a moment before looking up at her husband. I got the hint and turned to face lord Celeborn. He too had a sad smile upon his lips, but his eyes expressed something that I had never been met by before.

He looked… Proud.

The guilt increased and my belly almost hurt by now. It had not been his fault, he had never been anything but true and kind to me. Why had I been so cold towards him? He always made sure I felt safe and well, and he had let me do almost anything I'd wanted to. As long as it made me happy. Now when I thought about it, he had treated me like a daughter. And now he smiled at me with such kindness in his eyes.

I could feel the wobbliness of my eyes and I almost wanted to hug him.

"You have done good, you should be proud over yourself", he said before wrapping his arms around my shoulders into a gentle hug. I had to bite my tongue to keep my tears from falling as he drew back and went over to stand next to his wife. I noticed a doleful expression on Galadriel's face.

"Be safe", she said before turning her eyes to me one last time. "And do not forget our offer." she said and I saw how her eyes now were watery.

xxx

"How are you fairing?" Legolas asked and my head popped up.

I was sitting in the periphery of the camp, leaving a good space between me and the other elves. We had traveled the whole day and had managed to get to the borders of Lorien, leaving the golden woods behind us, before the darker had rolled over us.

At first, I had listened to the elves and tried to figure out some of the words that I didn't understand due to their accent, but after a while my thoughts had gone back to the past couple of months and I assumed Legolas had noticed that my eyes had become glazed.

"I'm fine", I replied and looked down at my hands. My lips formed a tiny little 'o' as I noticed that I had clenched my fists so hard that my knuckles had become white. He sat down on the grass opposite to me and his eyes became slightly narrowed as he searched in my face with his gaze.

"You seem…", he paused to find the right words and my mind automatically began to fill the gap with words he seemed to have meant. Sad, down, broken, sorrowful, bitter. "Bothered", he continued. The curious gleam in his eyes told me that he had noticed some tension at our leaving this morning.

"I'm fine", I mumbled again. I still didn't know where we were at - we had barely spoken during our ride since the other elves had constantly spoken to him about what way we would ride, whether we should ride through or around the Gladden fields.

He did not look convinced but left me be. Instead he gave me a wry smile and nodded at the flower in my hair.

"Where will you plant it?" he asked. My hand flew up to touch the flower and I shrugged.

"There's an old oak by a small brook back home, I think they would thrive there", I replied and smiled to myself as I thought of home. i suddenly remembered the talk I had had with him the day before he and Aragorn left Lóthlorien, about my homesickness and my fear of changing into someone I wasn't. I found my courage and looked up at him.

"You once told me that it's not a bad thing to change*, and that it would be good for me, but how can you be so sure. As you said it can make you see things from another perspective, but can't it also take away a perspective you already have?" I asked and watched him as he thought of my question.

"Of course it can take away the perspective you already have, but that is your choice to make. You can either push away who you truly are, or embrace the fact that your true self can develop", he finally said. That really got me thinking.

Did it make sense, what he had said? Could I go through this and let it change me, and still be me? Would I let it change me into someone I'm not?

'Probably not', I heard a cocky voice say in my mind.

"If I may ask, why have you come to think of this? Did you not enjoy your stay?" he asked after a moment of silence. A wrinkle between his eyebrows caused his face to look both thoughtful and interested, and concerned, even though the rest of his features were relaxed and soft.

I looked away and didn't really feel like answering. That I was afraid of forgetting my background and who I truly am was not a topic I was up for discussing. Instead I just shrugged and mumbled "It was just something I heard…" and let my words be final of the discussion.

The embers of the fire was fading and a guard had been set out while the other two elves were sleeping. I caught Legolas looking at me with a smiling gleam in his eyes.

"I am glad to see you again. You have grown since we parted, even if it has been only four months. I hope you will come to love my home as much as I do", he said. I caught myself smiling back at him and tuned it down to a wry smile.

"So am I," I said low and shyly. "And I hope the coming four months will be…" I paused as I searched for the right word. "Spectacular", I said with a sly gleam in my eyes and he couldn't hold in a hearty chuckle.

xxx

I looked up at the stars where I laid. Legolas had left my side just a moment ago to join his kinsmen by the fire. He and the elf spoke in low voices that along with the cracking sound from the fire and the freshness of the cold night caused a soothing feeling to fall over my body like a cover. I closed my eyes halfway and let the impressions of the day run freely through my mind.

For the first time in these last couple of days I felt completely relaxed.

My lips parted as I took a deep breath and felt the night tickle inside of me. Right now, everything was just perfect and I wished I could stay like this for a long time, not having to worry that it would end.

The more rational part of me told me that I couldn't deny yesterday forever. The more I pushed it away the more it would bother me.

'Okay', I thought with a sigh. 'Let's calm down and take it from the beginning.'

xxx

"Child", she said and turned to me. Her head tilted slightly and she looked at me with compassion. She began approaching me but stopped as I took a step backwards.

"Are you… My mother? Tell me the truth. The whole truth. You cannot deny me what you know." A lump filled my throat as I had spoken and my pulse was raising. What answer would I get? And more importantly: Would I like it?

When I looked up at her again I was hit by her sorrowful gaze as if it would have been a fist.

Never before had I seen so much emotion flowing in her eyes, drowning out the light.

She approached me again and this time I did not try to back away. As she was only an arm's length away from me, she stopped and crouched.

"You are right, and I shall tell you the truth", she said and my pulse raised, only to stop completely as she continued to speak. "But forgive me if the answer is not the one you seek."

I gulped and watched her hand as it moved towards my cheek. I knew what she was doing, she would let me enter her mind to see if she spoke the truth or not. A small breath of exclamation escaped my throat as her cold fingers touched my skin.

'No',

The word echoed in my mind as she thought it.

'I am not your mother. Until lord Elrond informed me I had no knowledge of your existence.'

I felt sick.

The nauseous crept over me and it felt like someone had pushed an iron spear through my stomach. And of course, the lady felt what I felt. Even though I wasn't completely sure of how I felt? Was I relieved? Sad?

At first I felt relief, relief that she hadn't sent me away as a baby, that I hadn't been a disappointment to her. But then a wave of disappointment mixed with despair hit me - she had become so much like a mother to me. And then the last wave hit me - shame. I felt embarrassed, embarrassed that I had let myself become so fond of her, and I hurried to take a step backwards. But right before her fingertips left my skin I felt an odd thought run through her mind, and then my move had left an empty space between her, still, outreached hand and my face.

"Gilrin, do not despair. It is nothing you should be ashamed of, I have grown very fond of you as well", she said with a concerned frown, but at the moment her words meant nothing to me.

"What was that?" I demanded, only whispering the words. I could see in her face that I knew exactly what I was speaking of. "That darkness, why was it connected to me?" I whispered with despair. I had seen it, the dark link between me and something evil.

Galadriel rose with a blank face. She considered her options and words well as she just stared at me.

"Don't you even consider lying, you owe me an explanation!" it came out more like a hiss and my eyes had become watery. She blinked and let out the slightest of sigh.

"I shan't", she vowed. "But it would not be wise of me to speak of what we yet do not know", she continued with her noble face on.

"What?" I exclaimed. "What is it that we don't know?" I demanded. She slowly began to turn around and walk towards the stairs again. I could see on the way she moved that she did not like ignoring me. "Tell me!" I now yelled and my fists were hardly clenched. She stopped in her steps and slowly turned her head to look at me.

"If you are being used by the evilness. A mere toy of the dark lord, that is pulling your strings like a puppet to find a way to rip down the balance of the world into pieces."

I just stared at her. What exactly had she just said?

"T-the dark lord?" I stuttered, feeling extremely off-track. "Evilness", "Dark lord", I had never heard such a bizarre thing before.

Galadriel slowly shook her head.

"But do not worry", she said. "This is nothing that should be troubling your mind. You should go back to your tree, you have a long journey ahead of you", she continued with a false smile. But she did not fool me - she was worried and she was worried a lot.

"Sauron?" I whispered in a question. I had a faint memory of his name, this Maia who had joined with Morgoth, the destructor of so much.

She didn't answer me, but she didn't have to. I saw it in her face.

"You think I am on the same side as Sauron?" I yelled into her face, even though she stood a good count of feet away from me. I was boiling with anger that she didn't have faith in me, but though that I would help the darkness destruct her people. How could she have so low thoughts of me?

"Gilrin-" she tried tiredly but I didn't let her continue.

"You think my purpose in life is to serve the dark lord?" I heard my raised voice crack and I suddenly became paranoid as I understood her thoughts: I had no background, no witnesses. I could be anyone, I was anyone. A mere stranger.

Tears began to fall from my eyes, I could not hold it in any longer.

I hurried past her and up the stairs.

"Gilrin!", she called after me. 'Leave me be!' I wanted to call out to her but the tears and sobs made it impossible as I ran, clenching the fabric of the dress in my hand to prevent me from stepping on it.

'Can it possibly get worse?' echoed through my mind.

xxx

I sighed and fought with the impossible task to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I rolled over over on my side so my back faced the camp where the others were.

Me, a servant of Sauron. Was it even possible?

What if it was true? Had he somehow taken me as a child and placed me outside of Rivendell on purpose, only to be found when I was old enough to communicate with the elves on the inside?

But if it was true, then what did he want? What could I give him? And how would he use me to destroy the people of elves?

'He can't make me do anything I don't want to', I thought but then it hit me: what if he did, what if he could control me like a puppet, just like lady Galadriel had said?

I shivered by the thought of not being able to control my own body. I didn't know if I would be able to live with myself if could only watch myself be the destruction of everything. But then the most horrible thoughts of them all came.

What if he controlled me right now?

Had he been planting words in my mouth or made me look up things about the elves and their routines without knowing it. I had always thought my fondness of the elven history was only because of my curiosity…

I couldn't let him do this. I wouldn't let him do this. But what could I do to stop him, lock myself up in a tower? No, I would have to make sure he could never control me ever again, or make me hurt anyone. And there was only one way to make sure I wouldn't.

A cold wind dried the tears on my cheeks. I began thinking of my home, and I couldn't help but thinking that I had to see it at least one last time.

'I have to do it after my time in Mirkwood, when they have released me, and there's no one there to stop me.' I thought.

Then a cold lump appeared in my stomach - think of all the people I'd have to leave behind: Gandalf, Elrond, Aragorn, Legolas, Celeborn. Even the lady.

I swallowed a lump.

'Lindir',

The tears began pouring again, more than before and they fell in a quicker pace. There was enough of complexion in my life as it was, without having to worry about the dark lord - I still didn't know what to do when I was set free to live on my own again.

Would I forget the past year completely and live to the end of my days in the forest, or would I stay with the elves? I couldn't deny that some of them had become the closest to family I would ever come.

'My family?'

A thought hit me again.

If the dark lord had planted me in the woods, then my parents wouldn't have sent me away. Maybe I hadn't been a disappointment to them, maybe they had loved me. Maybe they were still alive.

I sat up with a gasp at the realization I had made.

"Edengwen?", I heard Legolas ask as he hurried over to my side. He let his gaze examine my wet face and a concerned wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. I wept away the tears with the back of my hand as I looked away.

"No, I'm fine", I mumbled lowly. "I just…" I tuned off and let my glazed gaze fall to the ground. "I just had a dream."

My body was pumped on adrenaline. What if my family was still alive, and missing me, and looking for me.

Legolas placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked with an equal serious and concerned face as the tone in his voice. But he saw the answer in my eyes and gave a slight nod. "I understand. Try to get some more rest, we will leave when the sun rise." he said with compassion before he went back towards the fire again, when I had nodded slowly to him that I understood.

The male guard he had been speaking with looked curiously at me, though his face was naturally stern, but I ignored him and laid down again, letting my back face their eyes instead of my face.

What felt like a hundred different thoughts screamed inside my head: did I have a family? Were they still alive? Did they know I was alive? Or had they given up their hopes on me as time had passed? Did they want me to come back? Would they be happy if I did?

Never before had I as much as considered that my family hadn't neglected me, or meant for me to leave them. Sure, ever since I had learned what a family was and that I didn't have one I'd always wondered if mine had any good motives for doing what they did. Or at least that was what I had secretly hoped.

'My family', the words sounded so smooth, yet powerful. Like a royal title. I wondered how they were, what they were called, and how they looked. I wondered if I had a mother, a father, maybe even any older siblings, that every day were missing their baby sister.

I couldn't leave this world behind without knowing if they were alive or not. And if they were alive, I would find them.

Or would I?

If I thought everything was complicated now, and had a hard time knowing what to do and where to go, then what would it be like after finding my family? And what would they think of me if I turned out to be a servant of Sauron? Would they neglect me for real this time. Would I really be able to go through that without having my heart broken?

But was I really that? A failure? A mistake? A servant.

The cool wind caused the leaves in the trees to razzle. Dark clouds hid the stars and the moon, the only source of light came from the dying embers of the fire. The low mumbles of Legolas and the other elf sounded distant, even though they were only a couple of feet away from me. It had been a long day and I felt it in my limbs as well as my mind.

'Will I ever know what to do instead of just panicking? And will I ever see my family?', was the last thing I thought before falling into the dream-like state.

xxx

So, a lots of information and a lots of questions. Will see if she can answer any of them in the next chapter, when she arrives in Mirkwood.