Anata ga Ita Kara

See disclaimer in 01

Theme: 25 – "To fear love is to fear life."

Rating: T

Summary: Falling in love, and all the messes that come with it, is scary. Luckily, you can't always be afraid of living. Having someone to answer your questions helps, too.

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"So, what's with all this all of a sudden?" Arashi asked, leaning back against the pillows and looking at Kumo with upraised eyebrows.

"I… I'm not sure." Kumo sank down against the comforter, crossing his feet in the air and fidgeting with his fingertips. "I guess I'm just a little nervous."

They were silent for a while, staring at each other across the bed. From outside the nearly-closed door, they could hear the racket of the party still going on downstairs. The other girls were clamoring for the sweets that were almost ready, and discussing boys, movies, and fashion in hushed and giddy voices. Arashi had come up here to change, and Kumo had followed her—she'd thought to escape their attentions (both of them hoped they'd forget about the facial they'd promised him—he'd consented to the manicure and pedicure and his nails looked really cute done up the color of his eyes, but really…), but it seemed he'd actually had some pressing questions in mind.

"I-I don't know why I am, though," Kumo said suddenly, sinking down further. "Niisama and I have both been wanting this for so long, I shouldn't worry… but now…"

Arashi leaned over to ruffle his soft white hair. "Honey, this is a huge step. He probably won't tell you to your face, but Kiri's probably just as scared as you are. More, even. I bet he's worried he'll hurt you by accident."

Kumo played with the comforter a little more. "Can I, uh… ask a couple of questions?" His voice got very small, and he started blushing. "I know I shouldn't, it's personal, but it's just—you and Hoshi have already… and…" He hid his face against the blankets, embarrassed.

"It's fine." Arashi didn't have any qualms with discussing that kind of thing with a close friend, especially if it would help ease Kumo's nerves a little. "Go on and ask."

"What's it—like?" Kumo asked in a tiny voice. "Does it… really hurt that much, or…"

"It hurts a little bit at first," Arashi said, shrugging one shoulder. "For a girl, it's more arbitrary. Y'know, if you bleed, it'll hurt; if you don't, it won't. It's not as bad as, say, getting a papercut or something. It's worse for someone in your position, because it's more likely than not it will hurt. Kiri'll be careful, though. You'll be okay. Besides, it'll be worth it."

"…" The look in Kumo's eyes said he wanted to believe her, but he was still worried.

"Heck, Hoshi and I still joke about how we got ourselves so worked up and then the actual pain was a letdown." Arashi shook her head and grinned. "However bad you feel the first couple times, trust me when I say it will all be more than worth it in the end."

"…really?"

"You touch yourself because it feels good," Arashi told him, "and people will tell you that actual sex is like that, but it's not; it's better. Both because it's someone else touching you, and because they're touching you because they love you and they want you. It's you and the person you love, coming as close as you can to becoming one." Allowing herself a slow, feline smile, Arashi leaned back into the pillows. "And when he's inside you, it's the best feeling in the world."

"…" Kumo was blushing, but she could tell he was really thinking about what she was trying to say, taking her words into account. It was cute, how serious he was.

"Well, anyway, of course you're scared shitless. Anybody would be." Sitting up again, Arashi pulled off her shirt and rooted through the pillows for her pajama top, stopping for a moment to hitch up her bra. Kumo was sitting there watching and everything, but it's not like she cared—the boy was flaming; her boobs meant about as much as her elbows to him. "But you'll be fine. You were scared shitless when you first fell in love with Kiri, too. Love's a roller coaster, but it's part of life, and even though it's a documented fact that life's insane, you can't be afraid of living forever."

At this, Kumo smiled. "…I guess you're right."

"You'll be fine," Arashi told him, finally finding her top and pulling it on. "You and Kiri are so ridiculously stupid in love. Once you take the plunge, so to speak, you'll be unable to keep your hands off each other for three seconds at a time, trust me."

Kumo squeaked and buried his face in the bed, giggling still. "Arashi!"

"Mm. As for some more practical advice—you don't have to worry about getting pregnant, and you and Kiri are both virgins, so you don't really have to use condoms, but you should go pick up some massage oil. Though I may not have the first-hand experience to back it up, I do know that for guys it's going to hurt either way, but it'll be a hell of a lot worse if you don't use lubricant."

Kumo made some indistinct embarrassed sound and fidgeted again.

"Trust me," Arashi said lightly, grinning and reaching out to tousle his hair playfully.

Kumo made more indistinct embarrassed sounds to the general effect that if he didn't, he wouldn't be talking to her about any of this.

Laughing, Arashi leaned down and kissed the top of Kumo's head. "Now, if that's all, c'mon—we should get back downstairs before everybody else starts wondering what we're doing."

Kumo sat up, flush-faced, and nodded, sighing. "Okay. And—thanks."

Arashi just looked at him, this sweet and shy boy, a virgin both afraid of and eagerly awaiting the sexual initiation that was quickly approaching him. And she smiled and shook her head.

"My pleasure."

Owari.