"You didn't have to do this," Severus said. He'd finally taken a look at the rest of his flat and was finding it hard to wipe the smug grin from his face. The muscles in his cheeks were actually beginning to ache from all the smiling he'd done recently, something that made him both annoyed and, as much as he hated to admit it, happy.

He couldn't recall a time in his life when he'd truly been happy, outside of the few years he and Lily had been friends. But even those years had been marred by the Marauders antics, as well as the general awkwardness of being an unattractive adolescent boy. Now, there were no men or women in his life who mocked and teased him. He wasn't particularly attractive as an adult, but he was comfortable enough in his own skin that it didn't matter to him as it once did. And with Ginny, who looked at him as though she wanted to pounce on him at any second, even those worries faded away. Especially on a night like this, when she had prepared such a rare treat.

Ginny had placed candles everywhere one would fit, even setting Floating charms on several that hovered in the corners of the room, basking them in flickers of soft, romantic light. She'd even figured out how to charm the ceiling to show the night sky, reminding him of the way the Great Hall had been at Hogwarts. That took him aback – he knew she was a powerful witch, but there were witches and wizards much older and more experienced than she who couldn't perform this charm.

"I wanted to do it," she said, a blush creeping up from the top of the green silk dressing gown. She must have bought when she was out; it was the first time he'd seen it on her and he didn't recall it hanging in his wardrobe in Paris. It made her skin look like fresh, speckled cream and brought out the red lights in her dark hair. And, with a few discreet tugs to the silk tie at her waist, it dropped open just enough for him to see the crests of her breasts.

They were sitting at his small table, eating the feast she'd prepared for him: roasted beef with parsnips and carrots, mashed potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, enough gravy for an army, and of course the cake that she'd just placed a bevy of sugared violet roses on the top of. It was incredible, and oddly a little moving, that she would go to this much trouble just for him.

Not that he minded. In the slightest.

"Thank you," he said, covering her free hand with his and squeezing it gently.

Her blush deepened. She looked down as a soft, secretive smile formed on her lips. "How was your day?" she asked, –

-amazed at how normal this felt, how natural. Just the two of them, eating a late dinner and talking about something as mundane as work.

It was so different than it was at home. Harry always talked about himself, not really caring about or wanting to understand my work, or my struggles and triumphs with it. Even though Severus had been the one to go to his office for a full day, he was just as interested in what I did while I was out, even requesting that I redo my glamour for him to see.

"Your eyes," he murmured, cupping my cheek when I set the charms.

"What?"

"You'll have to change your eyes next time. You are the only woman in the world whose eyes are that particular shade of brown."

I smiled and flicked my wand. "Oculus aquis."

"Better," he said. I could see the blue reflected in black before they morphed back to bright, coppery brown. My hair and skin gradually shifted back to back to normal as well as the charm faded away.

"How about now?" I asked.

"The best," he said softly. Both of his hands were caressing my face, bringing me to him for a long, deep snog. He tasted like rare beef and red wine, and just faintly like chocolate and sex. I sighed when he pulled away, letting myself get lost the –

-potion you're working on?" she asked coyly.

He grinned. No one ever wanted to talk to him about work. Not that there had ever been anyone to talk about work with. When he'd been a teacher, the other professors avoided his private lab like the plague, especially during the hols when he was left to his own devices. It was an added bonus that he'd be able to have a decently intelligent conversation with her about it. Even if she wasn't a Potions Master, Healers had the most knowledge of what he really did every day than anyone else in their world.

"It's another potion for dreams, similar to Dreamcase in some ways. Except that this one will heal the mind, and hopefully end any nightmares that the user suffers from. That's the goal, at least." He watched as she took in a breath and held it for several long moments before letting it out again and breathing normally.

"Does it work yet?"

He shook his head. "I think I have a formula that will stop the user's nightmares, but the ingredients needed to do that excite the brain instead of enticing it to sleep. I feel like I'm missing something that's at the tips of my fingers," he added, now sneering at himself with disgust.

Ginny was more than intrigued at this point. As they finished their meals and dug into dessert, and at her request, he went over the preparation and steps with her one by one, down to the way the dragon's blood was added – one drop at a time, stirring six times anticlockwise with each addition.

She pursed her lips, deep in thought as they cleaned the dishes and put the leftovers in Stasis. When they sat on his sofa together, with one last glass of wine that they shared between them, her expression grew mischievous before she smiled broadly.

"I've got it," she said. "Maybe. What if you transmutate a few lavender blossoms into valerian root, then add it after the Sphinx hair? You'll get the properties of all the ingredients and reduce the chance of excitability."

Severus chewed his lower lip, chuckling to himself as he kissed her on the cheek. "I'll try it tomorrow, you brilliant girl. It will drive me crazy to think what you could have achieved if you'd taken Alchemy with me."

She beamed with the praise as she took one more sip of wine before passing it back to him. "Do you mind if I have a fag?"

He shook his head, pointing his wand to the window to raise it a little as she Summoned their cigarettes and lit one. "Would you want to try it, if it works?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Of course I would." The tears that escaped her eyes shone golden on the candlelight.

"I can't imagine what it would feel like to sleep without the company of my nightmares," he mused, studying her over the edge of the glass when he took another sip.

"A full night's sleep would be a luxury I haven't had in twelve years."

He looked at her more closely, seeing the far off look in her eyes as she remembered her first year of school. She hadn't spoken of it very much with him, other than the night that she'd woken in a cold sweat, shivering on the corner of the bed. A painful ache hit him squarely in the chest when he remembered how close to death she had been, and how no one had been able to figure out how save her, not even himself.

Only Potter.

"How often to you dream of that year?" he asked, placing a hand in on hers and trying not to think about the boy who held her heart.

Ginny stared ahead as she blew out a small cloud of smoke. "Not as much as I used to, and the dreams aren't nearly as vivid as they once were … but I still do from time to time. The older I get the less regret I have, and I think that's what keeps them at bay. I see now that I was such a very young eleven, in the shadow of all of my brothers and desperate for a little attention. And Tom Riddle gave me everything I wanted."

"I know the feeling," he said. He drank the last of the wine and sat the glass on the table in front of them. When he looked back up, he saw the tears in her eyes were spilling more freely. She snuffed out the fag and reached for him, and he gently took her in his arms.

"You're one of the few people who know what it's like - to be under his spell, and yet to still have a heart that beats with love." She burrowed her face into his bare chest, her hot tears branding him as she wept -

- against him, needing his warmth to remind me where I was. It was so easy to slip back into memory, remembering the cold chill of my possession by the Dark Lord.

"What do you need, my dear?" he asked. His deep voice rumbled in his chest beneath my ear, making me smile through my tears as he held me closer.

"This," I whispered. "Just hold me a little while longer, Severus. Help me forget, if just for a minute."

I felt him rest his cheek against my forehead, rocking me gently in his arms as the wireless changed songs. He sang along with the wizard, his voice breaking over some of the words:

"Come to me, come to me, come to me
Come and drink of me
Or turn away, turn away, turn away
And nevermore think of me …" ***

I reached between us, untying the belt of my robe and opening it completely so that I could feel his skin against mine. I needed him, all of him. All that he had to give.

We fit so well together, in and out of bed. I hadn't expected that, and while it was a welcome surprise it was also a bit unsettling. The man I remembered from school was not the man before me. This man was –

-in deep trouble. He was no longer half in love with her.

He was deeply, desperately, and completely in love with –

- you," she whispered, crying as she ran from the room.

Harry blew out a breath and shut the door when he heard hers slam shut at the end of the corridor.

He'd suspected it and probably encouraged it to some degree. Though he held a considerable amount of affection for the redhead who had tried to steal his heart, he couldn't put the word love to it. It wasn't completely honest, not when there was Ginny.

His Ginny.

He walked to the bed and looked again inside the small box that sat there, the box that she had found after dinner and had hoped was for her. It broke him a little to see her face crumple in pain when he told her his true intentions. The scars looked livid when her face paled in the fading light, as though she was about to be sick.

It was no use of course, not when Harry had made up his mind to do the right thing by –

- the door," he said.

I nodded and shut the door behind me, warding it before I joined him in the bed. He didn't make a move for more, even though I felt him stir against my bum as I snuggled against him. His breath was warm against my neck, his arm a heavy comfort as he hummed softly, lulling me quickly into a deep sleep.

A/N: *** From "Carry Me" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

If I don't get to post another chapter before Christmas, may you have a happy one - for those of who celebrate that holiday. To everyone else, have a lovely Yule season. I am anticipating my lump of coal under my little Charlie Brown tree, along with a few pairs of socks and underwear for good measure.