Annie made it to lunchtime without keeling over, but the giddiness that she'd felt since she woke up that morning refused to leave her. One of her supervisors, David, stopped by her desk at one point to thank her for staying late the night before to finish the reimbursement forms. He probably didn't notice she was wearing the same thing as yesterday, but if he did she hoped he assumed it had more to do with her working late, than with her having slept in a bed not her own. David let her know that there was some kind of office lunch outing planned, a regular first-day-of-the-new-quarter event.
And so, though she'd hoped for a little quiet, instead lunchtime found Annie in the center of a dozen of her work colleagues. She felt herself redden a bit when she discovered that the venue for this group lunch was the same Union Oyster House she'd begged off on the night before, but unlike her dinner with Jeff, Annie didn't think she could convince the whole crew to change restaurants.
Once seated inside (the group was split among three tables, in a dining area up two flights of stairs from the street) Annie ordered a chicken sandwich and a water and smiled politely as the people around her variously joked or complained. Shortly before their food came, David cleared his throat and gave a very short speech declaring the previous quarter a string of triumphs, predicting another string of triumphs for the next quarter, and in particular welcoming Annie, who'd just joined them but had already made herself indispensable.
She reddened again at that, and then everyone was looking at her and Diane (who had twenty years of seniority on Annie but seemed to do pretty much the same job) made a joke about her having worked late the night before to deal with the glut of paperwork and she was even wearing the same clothes as yesterday and didn't she know that she was a federal employee, working late was for the private sector? Everyone laughed, but Annie fretted that her private life, which was no one else's business, might get out somehow. And she definitely didn't want to field any questions about Jeff and what exactly he was to her and she was to him, so she felt she had to change the topic quickly.
So she started talking about Pierce, and his weird funeral and his weirder bequest, and the tiara he left her. When she got to the part where she was watching Pierce on a VHS tape at a law office, people started interrupting her with questions, and that led to a lot more explanation, and frankly she was very slightly peeved that no one seemed to think it odd that she, Annie Edison, Girl Most Likely to Succeed, had graduated from community college instead of Harvard or Yale.
Did Pierce Hawthorne actually have that much money?
"I don't know," Annie said with a shrug. "First he said in his will that he was leaving it all to Troy, and then in the tape he said there was another will and there was more money he wanted me to inherit, and back when he was… when we were in classes together, he said he'd been forced out of Hawthorne Wipes and kind of suggested he'd lost a lot of his fortune on bad investments. He seemed like someone who might have made bad investments."
Had Troy collected the promised inheritance? How much of it was taxed, and how much sheltered?
"I got an email from him the other day," Annie answered. "A few weeks ago, actually, congratulating me on moving here and the new job. He inherited some amount of money, enough that he thinks he's a rich person. Troy's out on the West Coast now, with Abed. I don't know exactly how much money he ended up with."
Was she going to follow the clues and find the treasure?
"Hah, sure. If there were clues." Annie recalled watching the videos the night before, and considered describing them, but then she'd have to explain how she found the videos and about Jeff and why she was probably-illegally poking around in Will Stone's office… "But the treasure hunt wasn't ever completed. So the puzzles have no solution."
Was there actually a treasure to be found?
"I don't know. Maybe? His lawyer said there was some kind of prize, but he also said it wasn't possible to collect it. Or at least he implied that." Annie debated bringing up Pierce's father's bequest, with the elaborate video game, but decided against it.
There might have been other questions, except at that point the waiter came by with dessert menus and everyone started arguing about whether they would, collectively, have dessert or not.
Annie didn't dwell on her impromptu lunchtime lecture on Pierce Hawthorne, Former Possible Platonic Sugar Daddy; she was much more focused on the night before, and Jeff, and defining their relationship, or lack thereof… So she wasn't expecting it, when David stopped by her desk with a printout.
"This was your friend, right?" He fanned the papers in front of her. "Piercinald Anastasia Hawthorne?"
"Yeah."
"His name was Piercinald?"
"Yeah." Annie examined the papers in his hands. "What's this?"
"Report out of the Denver office. Did you know Hawthorne's death was under investigation?"
She looked up in shock. "What? Why? I thought he died…" Annie didn't want to say the word, especially not to her boss, "by accident."
"Oh, I'm sure," he said breezily, pulling the report back towards him. "But there were some questions. It's still open, technically. When he died, he was in the middle of an IRS audit. Then a bunch of his accounts were mysteriously cleaned out and the money never recovered, and his will specified no autopsy or embalming for religious reasons."
"Pierce wasn't embalmed?" This was news to Annie. She'd known about the lack of autopsy, but it hadn't concerned her — despite what forensic dramas suggested, they were performed on only about ten percent of cadavers.
"Nah. Did the Denver office never contact you for an interview?" David flipped through the report. "Kind of surprising. Lot of loose ends that didn't get followed up on, it looks like."
"Who's the agent in charge?" Annie asked, reaching for the report. "Should I call them?"
"Don't worry about it," he assured her. "You're on the list of potential contacts, so if they didn't talk to you they figured it wasn't worth the trouble."
"Do they think he's still alive?"
David glanced up, surprised. "What?"
"Maybe he faked his death?"
He snorted. "The operating theory was that his accountant was embezzling from him and pulled some tricks to cover it up, although no charges were filed. Certainly nothing about his death being faked."
Annie hummed, unsure how to process this.
"Nothing about a treasure hunt, either," he continued with a shrug. "I thought you might find it interesting."
"Yeah, thanks." Annie hesitated. "Could I get a copy of that report?"
"Uh…" David looked uncomfortable. "Really shouldn't, but…"
"Oh, that's okay," she said, not wanting to rock the boat.
"No, no, it's fine," he said. "Here." He handed her the sheaf of papers, with the barest moment's hesitation. "Just shred it when you're done, all right?"
"Of course." Annie was pretty sure that her supervisor had just committed a felony, technically, so she appreciated the gesture. "Thanks."
Annie had just run an errand and gotten home and eaten and finished surveying her laundry situation (not great but not terrible) when Jeff texted.
JEFF (NEW!) to ANNIE, 1920:
How's it going?
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1922:
Ok [heart emoji]
She started to type I got Pierce's FBI file today but it occurred to her that maybe it would be better not to commit that to a text. She wouldn't want to get David in trouble somehow. He'd said to shred it when she was done with it, and she fully intended to do that — she just wasn't done with it yet and wouldn't be until she showed it to Jeff. Jeff was her lawyer, right? He was a lawyer and he was hers (!?) so clearly their communications were subject to attorney-client privilege… Annie decided to wait until they were together to tell him about it. Then she started to type we need to talk but as she looked at it she decided that would be a bad choice.
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1923:
Let's get together soon
Not much better, but if she spent an hour trying to compose the perfect text she'd never get anywhere.
Jeff sat in his apartment with a glass of scotch and his feet up and stared at his phone. " 'I can be over in twenty minutes,' " he said aloud.
Too pushy, Imaginary Annie told him. She was curled up next to him on his sofa, her feet tucked under her and her head resting on his shoulder. I need space after the last couple of days.
"I don't trust you any more. Not that I ever believed you," Jeff told the figment of his imagination.
I'm not just all your insecurities projected into an external form, she reminded him. I'm also your best guess as to what she'd say if she were here.
"Those are two very different things."
I'm a great multitasker. He imagined Annie sticking her tongue out at him, and smiled.
JEFF to ANNIE, 1924:
Definitely
Jeff fought off mounting panic, closed his eyes and counted to a number. He debated telling Annie about Pierce. On the one hand, if he didn't she would eventually find out — he was certain of that — and she wouldn't like that he kept the secret from her. On the other hand, if he did tell her it would submarine her shot at a ridiculous amount of money. On the third hand, the money was tied up in various extralegal offshore accounts, and claiming it would involve paying an arm and a leg in taxes and fees. On the fourth hand, even with the arm and the leg spent, there would still be several limbs' worth of money, and some was better than none…
You'd better tell me. I'd never forgive you, she warned him. Okay, that's not true, I'd forgive you eventually but I'd be really mad in the meantime, buster.
He decided not to tell her. She'd forgiven him everything else up to this point.
JEFF to ANNIE, 1925:
Tomorrow?
Annie frowned, surprised. She'd expected him to suggest they meet that night. Ideally he would come to her, as she'd visited his apartment the night before. But maybe he wasn't as eager as she'd thought. Or maybe she was reading too much into it. Or maybe she'd been reading too much into last night…
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1926:
Ok
She tried to think of something else to add. Telling him about her day, the way she'd used to do over the summer, seemed weirdly pointless; she'd see him soon enough, right? Still, she needed to say something else…
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1926:
[Smile emoji]
She winced, looking at it.
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1926:
[Smile emoji] [heart emoji] [flower emoji] [other flower emoji] [first flower emoji again] [kiss emoji] [puppy emoji] [banner emoji] [cake emoji] [unicorn emoji] [ferris wheel emoji] [100 emoji]
That did not seem like an improvement.
"What the hell?" Jeff felt his pulse quicken. He started to type in I don't understand what if anything you're trying to communicate but paused and considered Imaginary Annie's take.
"You probably think I should just roll with it," he guessed. "Because she doesn't really want to see me again, or something?"
No, of course not. Obviously I want to see you again. Have you not been paying attention for the last forty-eight hours? He imagined her sitting up, to give him an affectionate punch on the arm. I'm tired and kind of overwhelmed and I need a little break, is all… hey! You're no longer imagining me claiming I'm not actually into you! That's progress! Good for you.
"Thanks…"
So calm down, it's going to be okay. But yes, I do think you should roll with it. Just relax, all right? Throw in some random icons.
JEFF to ANNIE, 1929:
[heart emoji] [airplane emoji] [palm tree emoji] [Eiffel Tower emoji] [palm tree emoji] [car emoji] [heart emoji]
Annie squinted at the string of emojis, baffled. Was he suggesting they take a vacation together? To Paris, or to someplace tropical? No. Surely she was misunderstanding.
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1931:
What?
JEFF (NEW!) to ANNIE, 1933:
I don't know! You were getting very abstract and I was trying to respond in kind!
[Confused emoji] [Confused emoji] [Confused emoji]
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1934:
Sorry! [Blush emoji]
There's a lot on my mind
You, Pierce, the tapes…
[Confused emoji] [moon emoji]
JEFF (NEW!) to ANNIE, 1935:
We did not actually get around to talking about the tapes at or after dinner did we
Annie was typing a reply — I for one have no regrets — when she heard the apartment door slam. Vicki appeared in her bedroom doorway, a moment later. She looked tired and rumpled, and after a day of baking, she had flour in her hair.
"You're still alive," Vicki said mechanically. "That's cool. Doing laundry?"
"Just about to," Annie replied. She remembered that the last time she'd seen Vicki was before she'd had broken up with her boyfriend (boyfriends?). "Would you like to do laundry together?"
Vicki scowled, and looked like she was going to retort with something sullen and bitter, but then she sighed. "Sure, whatever. I need to do laundry. Give me a second."
"Sure…" Annie watched Vicki lurch into her bedroom and close the door, then turned back to her phone.
ANNIE to JEFF (NEW!), 1938:
I for one have no regrets
Hold that thought [worry emoji] Vicki just came home
She broke up with Neil I think? I should talk to her
[Kiss emoji]
JEFF (NEW!) to ANNIE, 1938:
Ok [kiss emoji]
Was that a boyfriendy kind of interaction? Annie wondered. That seemed pretty dang boyfriendy. Annie rose and began stuffing her laundry into her big fabric bag, to carry it to the laundromat. "Do you have quarters?" she called to Vicki.
"Yeah!" Vicki called back, in a cracked voice that stirred Annie to stop what she was doing and go to Vicki's bedroom door.
"Hey…" she said, slowly opening the door a crack. "Can I come in?"
Vicki was sprawled on her bed, still in her coat, staring at the ceiling with reddened eyes and wet cheeks. "Quarters are on the dresser," she said without looking at Annie. She pointed in the general direction of her chest of drawers.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Annie asked softly, sitting on the corner of Vicki's bed.
"Talk about what?" Vicki blinked back tears. "I mean, it's no big deal. Neil and I broke up, but we were basically over already. And then Todd, it turns out, doesn't want a girlfriend, he just wants a friend who's a girl who's willing to…" She swallowed. "And, you know, Quendra's pissed because I show up late and she thinks I can't make stupid lemon bars and she's right. Myrtle's bakery is losing money and I don't know how I'll make rent… shit."
Annie patted Vicki's foot in a gesture of support. "Wow, that's a lot to deal with… I'd say I've been there, but I haven't." She considered, briefly, comparing Vicki's current troubles to Annie's own, circa the summer of 2009. Or the summer of 2013, after she and Abed graduated, when she'd had the job she hated, and she'd had to cover both Abed and Troy's shares of the rent. Annie decided that would probably come across as unsympathetic. "I'm sorry that happened with Neil, and it sucks about Todd. If there's anything I can do to help, just say the word."
"Can you cover my half of the rent?" Vicki lifted her head to look at Annie, then let it fall back. "Of course you can't, I've seen your pay stub. Never mind. You've got your boyfriend now anyway."
"What? I'm not…" Annie gave Vicki's foot another squeeze. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You weren't here last night. You stayed at your boyfriend's place, after months of being all he's-not-my-boyfriend about it, didn't you?"
"Kind of," Annie admitted.
Vicki snorted in derision.
"But I'm definitely not going to disappear on you, I promise. I mean, for one thing, my name's on the lease. And Jeff isn't my boyfriend, or if he is, it'd be news to him…"
"Right, sure. He isn't your boyfriend, he's just willing to drop whatever he's doing to give you a ride to MIT, or take you to dinner, or all that other stupid boyfriend stuff that Todd thinks is just too much hassle…"
"Uh, yeah…"
"I thought I could make this work," Vicki said, rubbing her red eyes. "Neil said he was going to move out here with me. He was supposed to come in June, but he kept dragging his feet. We were skyping every night and then every weekend and… I'm pretty sure he never even looked for a job in Boston. He started a new D&D game a few weeks ago. Do you do that if you're going to change cities?"
"Probably not. That sucks."
"Yeah, well, I thought I was okay with it. I could do my own thing. Then I met Todd."
"Mmm." Annie hoped she didn't sound patronizing. She'd only met Todd once but in retrospect there were warning signs.
"Quendra thought Todd was skeevy and she was right. He just wants to be 'friends,' " Vicki made air-quotes with her fingers, "who bang sometimes. Like, that's all he wants to do with me, he has actual friends for hanging out and doing stuff with."
"Gross," Annie said, thinking of what Britta had said about their sophomore year, when Jeff had been sleeping with Britta but hanging out with her.
"For all I know he has another girlfriend," Vicki continued. "An actual girlfriend. It doesn't matter, I'm never going to see him again. It's stupid. I'm stupid, I should have known."
"You're being too hard on yourself," Annie said. "Listen, I'm going to put my coat on, and we're going to take our laundry over to the laundromat and load it, and then we're going to come back here and watch an episode of Dawson's Creek, and then we're going to move our clothes to the dryers and then we'll watch The Brothers Bloom on DVD, okay?"
"Ugh."
"Doing something is better than doing nothing," Annie declared.
"Okay. Okay," Vicki sat up. "But we're not watching stupid Dawsons' Creek. We can watch Always Sunny."
"I've never seen Always Sunny," Annie said anxiously. "But okay, if you want. Is it on Netflix?"
"Yeah, yeah. You'll love it," Vicki assured her with an imperious confidence that made her seem more her old self. "It's funny."
Jeff was still lounging in his living room, playing with his phone and watching television and pretending he wasn't just waiting for her to contact him again and trying not to imagine various scenarios in which she never contacted him again, not that night, not ever, when Annie finally texted him back.
ANNIE to JEFF, 2034:
I do not like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Oh, God, I definitely do not like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Imaginary Annie agreed. Everyone's stupid or mean or both, mostly both. Who are you supposed to like?
JEFF to ANNIE, 2037:
I could have predicted that
Vicki likes it?
ANNIE to JEFF, 2038:
There's no one to root for!
Vicki is not doing great
JEFF to ANNIE (DRAFT):
Let me guess: you were going to eventually crack and invite me over tonight but Vicki is too upset and you want to support her and having your guy
He stopped mid-text. " 'Your guy?' " he said aloud.
Well, we've established that I love you and maybe not just as an uncle after all, Imaginary Annie said anxiously, but probably we should talk about it before you just declare yourself to be my guy. 'My guy' is basically 'my boyfriend.' You aren't my boyfriend. She made a face, thinking. I mean, you aren't not my boyfriend. I don't know. We should talk about it.
Jeff nodded.
I like labels.
"Oh, believe me, I know."
JEFF to ANNIE, 2040:
Let me guess: you were going to eventually crack and invite me over tonight but Vicki is too upset and you want to support her and having me come over would undermine that
ANNIE to JEFF, 2041:
Basically
Oh God
They're going to try crack cocaine
Why would you do that?
JEFF to ANNIE, 2042:
That's a good episode
ANNIE to JEFF, 2043:
You would like this show [glower emoji]
JEFF to ANNIE, 2044:
[Grin emoji]
ANNIE to JEFF, 2046:
Okay Vicki says you can come over but you have to bring her ice cream
She wants rocky road
[Kiss emoji]
JEFF to ANNIE, 2047:
I'll be there in 30