Chapter 25
When Ray walked in through the door of his apartment, one look around told him just how long it had been since he'd been home last. The last time that he'd left, he had been rushing off to work, cutting it very close for his all-day Saturday shift. That had been three days ago, when Emily and Lola had been getting ready for the dance. Assorted make-up, curling irons, and the odd eyelash curler had crept into each and every corner of the apartment, and Ray felt another lurch of guilt when he pictured their owner, his sister, helpless in a hospital bed.
He knew that while he was home, he should really try to get some rest—to recharge. A feeling of helplessness, very similar to when Emily had contracted mononucleosis, had settled over him. After all, what the hell good was a medical degree, to be a practicing physician, if his sister was lying unconscious and there was nothing he could do about it? He thought about his mother, and how he had been appointed Emily's guardian after her death. He couldn't quite formulate his thoughts into words, but a voice in his head seemed to be driving in the point that his sister had now had two serious health problems while under his care. Do I even have any right to continue raising this girl?
He hated himself the moment he allowed himself to think such a thing, partly because it struck a nerve that he felt that he had been trying to identify for a very long time. He had put her through so much during her childhood: with his career, he felt like he'd never been able to fully devote himself to her as she grew up, the way he knew that she deserved. And Neela—he was so happy that the three of them had finally stated to function more like a normal family. It hadn't been a secret to anyone that it was more than tension that had existed between Emily and Neela. But still—was a potentially distracting situation really what Emily needed right now, as she fought to recover? Ray and Neela's relationship was steadily progressing, and they both had been dropping hints at the possibility of her moving in with him. Was now really the time for such a big change? Ray didn't know, and instead groaned audibly and brought his fingers to his temples and rubbed them in slow circles.
As he moved toward his bedroom, carefully stepping over a mess of hair brushes, Ray briefly considered using this time to clean the apartment. He pushed away the idea, and making sure that his door was open enough to hear the phone, Ray collapsed onto his bed.
Neela sat in Emily's room in the ICU, absorbed in her thoughts. She hypnotically watched the monitor as Emily's heart beat in a strong, steady rhythm. Ray had left almost an hour ago, and she hoped he wouldn't be back for several more—he truly needed the break.
She knew Ray. She had known him well for a long time, and she had gotten to know him infinitely better throughout their relationship. She knew how guilty he must be feeling, and she knew that he was most likely thinking of ways that he could fix things.
She had an idea that one of those ways might involve her. After all, it would be just like Ray, she reasoned, to cut the most distracting part of his life out, in order to focus on the task at hand. She didn't necessarily disagree with this logic, but she most certainly disagreed with the conclusion.
A knock on the door made Neela jump. She looked up and saw Abby, smiling apologetically at having startled her.
"Hey, how's she doing?" Abby asked, taking a seat beside Neela.
"No change. She's stable, though," Neela answered.
"That's good. How long have you been up here with her?"
"About an hour. I finally made Ray go home," Neela said, stifling a yawn.
"You're sounding pretty beat yourself," Abby said, squeezing her friend's arm. "What have you been thinking about up here to keep yourself occupied?"
"Nothing, really. Just sorting some things out, I guess," Neela responded, afraid that if Abby continued to talk to her she would end up verbalizing her latest series of thoughts. She didn't know if she could handle hearing them said out loud.
"Like what?" Abby asked.
Sure enough, Neela thought to herself. She considered lying, but realized quickly that she didn't have the strength to do so. To her horror, she felt her mouth begin to quiver.
"Hey, hey what's wrong?" Abby asked in alarm.
"It's just—" Neela fought hard to regain her composure, "I think Ray's going to break up with me!" she sniffed.
"Whatever gave you that idea?" Abby, incredulously, asked in a soothing voice.
"I know him. I know that right now he's really frightened, and he's thinking that the only way he can make his sister better is by throwing himself into her care, and he doesn't think that I'll be a good person to have around while he's doing that!"
"But Neela," Abby reasoned, "You and Emily have been getting along so much better lately. He knows that the two of you are much closer, there's no way he would want to take you away from Emily if you could be of any help to her recovery!"
"I know that, I just don't know if Ray does," Neela answered quietly.