Last Time: Rebecca finds out some devastating news.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." - Norman Cousins

Now: Rebecca, in an attempt to stay on the line, pushes down her emotions and carries on.

Chapter 25 - Pushing Through

Captain Lewis Nixon was out searching for Dike, trying to goad whatever little intelligence he could out of the man. Attempting to get any useful information out of him was like trying to move heaven and earth and Nix hadn't even found the guy yet.

He trekked through the snow, trying to find the ever elusive Lieutenant. Lewis grumbled to himself. He could be in his foxhole getting slightly warmer, but instead, he was looking for Dike, freezing his ass off. It wasn't too long ago Nix chewed him out for never being around, but he just didn't listen. Being on the line with Dike was like being with a child.

His jaw clenched. Where the hell is he, where does he ever go?

Lewis stopped walking, trying to orient himself. It was nearly impossible for everyone to get around. The thick fog and lack of sunlight made everything in the woods look the same.

The woods were silent. But, in the distance, the dead air was pierced by the sounds of sobbing.

Lewis's ears perked up at the distinct feminine sobs coming from the opposite direction.

Lewis's stomach dropped. What did that guy give to her?

Rebecca never showed any inkling of sadness around the men. Something really bad must have happened.

Finding Dike became unimportant to him as Lewis marched towards the direction of the cries.

A sudden urge to protect Rebecca and beat the shit out of whoever caused her pain overcame him. The past few years with Rebecca made him very protective of her. Both he and Dick were.

The crying got closer as Lewis moved towards CP. When he arrived with the small hut in view, a few men gathered around, whispering, probably attracted by the sound of crying as well. They exchanged packard looks with each other, no one had ever seen Rebecca cry either.

Doc Roe was there as well, a look of unadulterated remorse on his face. He knew something everyone else didn't.

Lewis's expression hardened as he looked at the crowd, a bunch of nose bags.

"Alright, everyone, nothing to see here. Get back to your foxholes!" He yelled, dispersing them.

He knew for sure, Rebecca didn't want an audience. It was bad enough she was crying, but crying in front of a crowd was worse.

Lewis saw to it that the eavesdropping crowd left, only letting one person stay, Roe. He obviously knew what was going on by the anguished face he dawned moments before.

He pulled the medic aside, wanting to know what to expect before going into the CP, guns blazing.

"Doc, Doc," Nix pulled Roe by his arm, "What the hell's going on in there."

Roe shook his head sighing. "Rebecca just got some news about her father, and judging by her reaction," he motioned to the CP, "I'd say it isn't good."

"Shit," Nix cursed under his breath.

He slowly went into the CP, wanting to help the poor woman as best he could. He walked in and was astonished by what he saw. Rebecca was down on her knees, lamenting into Dick's shoulder as he rubbed the back of her head. Lewis's stomach went nauseous. He had never seen her like this. It broke his heart.

Nix glanced down at the letter that was on the ground and back at Dick who just shook his head. He understood it meant her father was dead.

Nix approached Rebecca, kneeling down next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Becca, let's get you to your foxhole."

Rebecca looked up from Dick's shoulder, her face pale except for her red eyes and cheeks from crying. She nodded her eyes swimming with tears.

They guided Rebecca over to her foxhole. She was practically limp under their grip, barely moving her feet to walk.

XXX

Roe remained outside the CP, listening to what was going on, keeping any stragglers away. No one had a right to know what was going on unless Rebecca told them. He lowered his head, feeling defeated. His heart sinking just a little more each time Rebecca let out a sob.

Roe looked up when he saw the two captains emerge from the tarp-covered CP with Rebecca under their arms. They were leading her somewhere and he was going to follow. Rebecca was his partner and a valuable companion, even sticking around during his own dark moments. Roe would be damned if he wasn't around for hers.

He followed them to her foxhole, watching Winters and Nixon guide her in and bundle her up. Rebecca didn't budge one inch as the pulled the blanket over her and took her helmet off. She was in such a deep shock, that the Germans could open up and she wouldn't be aware. Her eyes were glossed over, only the occasional tear rolling down her pale face signified she was alive.

Winters and Nixon walked up to Roe. Both of them knew that he was close to Rebecca, and they couldn't possibly leave her alone now.

"Roe, keep an eye on her. We're going to contact Col. Sink and see what we can do about getting her off the line for a few," Nixon, whispered.

Roe nodded, slowly stepping over to Rebecca's foxhole. Getting off the line for a few days was what she needed. Rebecca had a lot to sort out now, and needed time to grieve, by herself, not with a company of men watching her every move. But, Roe knew she would willingly leave. He certainly knew he wouldn't if someone gave him the opportunity.

Nobody would for that matter. Most Easy guys would die for leaving the line and their buddies.

Roe walked back over to the foxhole and jumped in, sitting next to Rebecca, quietly. He certainly wasn't going to ask any questions. He would simply wait until she was ready to open up.

XXX

Rebecca sat in a still trance. Her mind was dizzy; this couldn't be happening. Her father was getting better, he was supposed to have a new life. What happened?

This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening; this is happening.

Roe's soft voice pulled Rebecca from her denial.

"Captain, we should get some lunch."

Rebecca looked up, facing Roe and put on the fakest smile she possibly could. "I'm not hungry, you go and eat."

Roe gave her a concerned stare, there was no way she was over this that quickly. As Roe left, anger began filling Rebecca up to the brim. Why was this happening to her?

Why couldn't he have just stopped drinking? Why didn't he try harder? Why is he leaving me?

Her anger for father only made her feel guilty, making her angrier. Rebecca's lip trembled as hot anger filled tears spilled from her eyes.

"Why did you and mom leave me?" She stifled out through angry sobs.

Inexplicable pain and sadness raged through Rebecca, paralyzing her brain. Rebecca knew she now was an orphan. No mother, no father.

Sadness was replaced with greater anger, and now defiance. Her father couldn't let her suffer this way. He couldn't have such a grip on her emotion, Rebecca wouldn't let him.

I don't need him, I can live without him. Rebecca thought, petulance overpowering her.

She had after all lived on her own for some time now. What difference did it make if her father was with her or not?

Rebecca climbed out of her foxhole, quickly gathering herself, gall and insolence fueling her to move on.

XXX

Dick and Lewis were taken aback when they saw Rebecca entered the CP, seemingly normal. The only signs of an upset were her red and puffy eyes. Both noticed something different in her, something pushing her to carry on.

She sat down on a crate next to the two, who was eyeing her like she was a bomb ready to explode. Dick finally spoke up.

"Hey, are you okay?" Dick asked concern etched in his voice.

"I'm fine."

Dick and Lewis looked at each other, both troubled by Rebecca's sudden change in attitude. An hour ago, she couldn't be consoled. Now, she was acting as if nothing had happened. Both of them knew she was bottling up her feelings and trying to push forward.

"Are you sure because-," Nix began before being cut short by Rebecca.

"Nix, really I'm fine." She assured, smiling at the two.

Rebecca's faked contentment only caused more worry to blossom inside of Dick and Lew.

"Becca," Dick started, placidly, "You just found out about this today. There's no shame being out of sorts for a couple."

Anger began bubbling over in Rebecca. Why couldn't they just see she was fine? She was fuming on the inside, but outside she would remain calm.

"Listen, I just got in touch with the Colonel. He approved a 48-hour furlough at battalion. Rest up, relax, sort things out."

"Thank you, but I respectfully decline. I took all the time I need. I have a job to do," Rebecca argued, calmly.

Nixon shook his head, unapproving. He could tell from a mile away that she was collapsing inside. Rebecca was in the anger stage of grief, trying to shove all her emotions down to prove a point.

"But, Becca," Dick began again.

"Richard, I'm fine! I don't want to hear any more about it!"

Both Dick and Lewis were speechless. Neither of them had heard Rebecca cross. They knew what was helping to push forward, spite.

She looked at the two of them, frustrated, and left in a huff.

Nix crossed his arms and sighed. "How long do you think she going to last this way?"

"She won't," Dick assured his jaw clenching.

XXX

Bill Guarnere sat in his hole, going through MG42 rounds. He blew an angry breath at the amount of ammo that had to be thrown out. Even the smallest ding could spell disaster if it was overlooked and used in the machine gun. A jammed machine gun could be the kiss of death during a German attack.

Guarnere was pissed; Patton sent them bunked ammo. More than half was sorted out, deemed unable to use in an old ammunition box.

He threw away another round into the bucket with an exasperated sigh. They might as well fight the Germans with bows and arrow, for Christ Sake.

Guarnere was so far into his thoughts, thinking about giving Patton a piece of his mind, he didn't even notice Roe walking up behind him.

"Hey, Bill, are you busy? I gotta talk to you."

"Nah, Doc, not busy just going through all this shit ammo Patton dropped to us."

Roe looked down at the pile of bad ammo and chuckled. Leave it to Patton. Goes and "rescues" the paratroopers but does a piss poor job at doing it.

"Well, good I need you to talk to Cap'n Clark."

Guarnere raised a brow, holding the belt of ammunition.

"Captain Clark? Becca? What for?"

The medic sighed. "She just found out her father died. I was thinking maybe you could talk to her."

Bill's stomach dropped. Just in time for New Years.

"Yeah, Doc. I'll do my best."

"Okay," Roe finished, walking away from Guarnere.

Guarnere took another busted round and threw it down into the pile.

"Shit," he cursed.

XXX

Rebecca stomped over to the mess tent, agitated and angry. She didn't understand. Why were they treating her like a child, like a woman? If any other man found out a family member had died, she bet her week's pay they wouldn't try to get him off the line. They certainly didn't for Bill Guarnere when his brother got it in the Casino.

She continued to stew, approaching the mess tent. The men caught sight of her and exchanged worried looks and whispers. Rebecca hated being the center of attention in this way. They all looked at her as she got her portion for lunch and continued to stare as she walked away.

Rebecca walked back to her hole so she could leave and escape the looks of concern. She didn't want anyone's pity.

Rebecca sat back down in her hole and forced down her food. Did the food always have to taste like crap?

Midway through a large spoonful, Roe approached her, surprise on his face.

"Cap'n you're up. How're you feeling?"

Rebecca let out a groan. Why does everyone care so much?

"Yup." She forced out, trying not to lose her temper at the half Cajun.

Roe looked at her in disbelief. She had gotten up, got food, and seemed to have put herself together. Why the sudden change of heart?

"Uh, right, well I got someone who wants to talk to you."

Rebecca looked up from her tin, scowling. What is this, some kind out intervention?

She saw Roe go over and get Guarnere. Rebecca rolled her eyes. Gee, I wonder what he's going to talk to me about.

Guarnere walked over to Rebecca, hands in his pockets seeming a little nervous. He gave her a sympathetic smile and sat down next to Rebecca.

"Hiya, Cap'n."

"Let me guess, Roe brought to talk to me because you know what it feels like to lose someone you care about."

"I just wanted to know if you were okay," Guarnere voiced concerned.

"I swear to God if someone asked me that one more time, I'm gonna punch their teeth in!"

Guarnere sighed, closing his eyes, asking the Lord for patience.

"I know what you're going through, I wanna help."

"You wanna help me so badly? Help me feel less angry!"

Rebecca stood up and threw her med bag on the ground in frustration. Her anger blinded her, Rebecca had never felt this way before and she certainly didn't handle her mother's death like this.

"I'm angry and hurt. I don't understand!"

Tears welled up in Rebecca's eyes, angry tears. She slumped back over in her foxhole and brought her hands to her face.

Guarnere placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know the anger. I was pissed." He continued. "I was pissed at my brother for getting killed, I was pissed at the Germans for killing him. But, I had my buddies and they were there for me."

Guarnere paused for a moment and looked at Rebecca earnestly.

"We're all here for you. That's what got me through. I had you guys, I had Easy."

Rebecca faced Bill, gratitude flowing from her. She never knew Guarnere could be soft spoken. Rebecca always knew Bill Guarnere as the brash Italian who gave everyone the what for and why is.

"Thank you, Bill," Rebecca croaked out.

Rebecca snatched Bill into a hug. The fiery Sergeant didn't expect it at all and probably wouldn't have let anyone else do it, but for Rebecca, he would do anything. He warmly accepted the embrace, glad to have helped her.

"Hey, Cap'n," Bill started, pulling away from Rebecca's hug, "Why don't you dig in with me tonight?"

XXX

For the rest of the day, Rebecca stuck close to Guarnere. He became somewhat of her protector. Anyone who confronted Rebecca had to go through him. The only time he left her side was for an afternoon combat patrol.

He returned eventually, bringing news that Toye got dinged in the arm by a bullet. Rebecca never thought she'd see the day when Joe Toye got hit. It seemed like luck was instilled in him after surviving two grenade explosions on D-Day, until now.

Toye was back at the aid station, a plus side to Patton's "rescue" mission. Rebecca hoped the man had the good sense to stay until he was better, but she knew Toye and that was impossible. Most Easy guys would rather die on the line then get injured and leave the company. The camaraderie in Easy was so deep seeded, being away from the line and leaving the men was worse than the actual injury. Rebecca swore some guys would come back on crutches on still have an open wound just to stay with their buddies.

Rebecca went through the motions of the remainder of the day, doing everything in her power to push down the thoughts of her father. The only reminder was the letter she received from John, explaining the situation and asking what she was going to do for a funeral and all his belongings.

Dear Rebecca,

I am so sorry that you had to find out this news so far away from home. I truly thought your dad was doing so much better, but the doctors told me after the fact, he was probably feeling what they call "withdrawals" and depression from the withdrawals. He was out one day in the shed, cleaning his rifle when I heard a gunshot. I never would have thought he had used it to kill himself.

I'm going to be staying around your home to figure out the funeral costs and what do with your father's stuff. I'll let you know what's going on as best as I can. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sincerely,

John

A few stray tears rolled down Rebecca's cheek as she read how her father killed himself and why. Her father suffered alone and she couldn't be there to help. Guilt washed over her.

She decided she wanted all of her father's valuables to be sold in an auction, but in an old study in the house, was all her mother's belongings. Clothes, pictures, jewelry, and other old keepsakes that Rebecca just couldn't bring herself to sell. She would have to deal with it after the war. Now wasn't the time to go through a list of her mother's things.

Rebecca decided on having a small Catholic funeral at the local church in town and buried her father next to her mother. She was well versed on funeral procedures. Rebecca was old enough to remember what her mother's funeral was like.

The final step for situating the funeral was money. Rebecca had all her backpay sent to John so he could pay for the casket, burial, and the graveyard spot.

After dealing with the minutiae of the burial and such, Rebecca went right back to her priorities on the front. Word passed around that Easy would be overlooking Foy again, much to many of the men's frustration.

A good majority didn't understand why they were watching the town instead of taking it. Rebecca however, didn't complain. She just went along with whatever had to be done; anything to keep her mind in the here and now.

XXX

Rebecca sat in her foxhole with Guarnere, eating dinner, a new wave of guilt washing over her. After cooling down, she felt horrible for how she had treated Dick and Lew.

At the time, anger and spite were fueling her; now that Guarnere spoke to her, Rebecca realized just how much of a bitch she was being to everyone. She still wasn't exactly facing her feelings. Rebecca continued to push them down deep inside of her, just for the sake of the current situation, but that didn't excuse her actions.

Rebecca still really hadn't told Guarnere much of what followed after finding out the news from that morning, but she knew he would tell her to get up off her ass and swallow her pride (in the most respectful way a sergeant could address a captain, that is).

She moaned pulled herself from her blanket with Guarnere, her body instantly shivering at the loss of warmth.

"Where are you going, Captain?"

Rebecca sighed. "I have to apologize to some people."

Guarnere gave her a knowing look. If anyone knew what she meant it was him. It wasn't too long ago he was hell in a handbasket after his brother got killed. The Germans weren't the only hostile force Easy had to deal with on D-Day.

He nodded to her and Rebecca glowered, feeling awful she even had to apologize in the first place.

She made her way over to CP, her tomato red face of embarrassment keeping her plenty warm.

Rebecca approached the small shelter, a lump in her throat. She stared at it, hesitant to go in, but willed herself into the entrance.

Dick and Lewis were eating as well, heating up some powdered milk from the supper version K-ration. Both noticed the nurse's presence and looked up.

Rebecca felt like their eyes bore into her.

"I, uh, well I-I just wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning," Rebecca began, her eyes dropping. "I know you both were just trying to help."

Dick stood, placing his tin of milk down on a crate and walked over to Rebecca.

"Why don't you come and sit down with us." He offered, placing a hand on her shoulder.

XXX

Rebecca spent the rest of the night with Dick and Lewis. They offered to listen to her problems more times than one, but Rebecca still politely refused. Being with two people who cared about her was enough and if any time she needed it, Rebecca had a support system.

They respected her wish to not discuss the topic anymore and for a brief moment, everything seemed okay.

At the end of the night, Rebecca parted ways with them, remembering Guarnere's offer. She walked through the cold night, looking forward to some warmth from the fiery Italian.

On her way, she crossed paths with Lip, who was probably reporting to CP, to do Dike's job.

The First Sergeant stopped. He was one of the very few that Guarnere told about what happened that morning and he wanted to offer his condolences. Lip knew what it was like to lose a parent.

Lipton stopped his path towards CP.

"Captain Clark, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your dad."

Rebecca stopped to face him, a tiny bit of sadness closing her features. "Thank you, Lipton. I'm assuming Guarnere told you?"

Lipton eyed her sympathetically. "Yes, ma'am. I hope you're not mad."

Rebecca smiled slightly, assuring she was okay with it. "He must've had a good reason."

Lipton looked down, a tiny bit of sadness creeping its way onto his features. "Yes ma'am, I lost my father when I was a kid."

She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing the pain all too well. "I'm sorry to hear that Lip."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you if you needed someone to talk," Lip trailed off.

Rebecca's mouth curved into a half smile. "Thank you, Carwood."

He flashed her a bright smile. "You're welcome Cap'n. I'm not just here for you either; the whole company is."

Lipton smiled at her and continued walking to CP. Rebecca carried on to her hole, tears shimmering in her eyes.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Your guy's feedback on the last chapter has been amazing. I was super nervous to release that one because it's a pretty heavy once to drop on you guys but hearing that you liked it let me know I made a good choice. Please continue to let me know how I'm doing. More chapters are to come and, trust me, it gets crazier. Strap in! :3