Take Two Round Two

by Third Fang

What do you get when you cross several interdimensional god like beings, raw boredom, a world of Naruto that went wrong, several years worth of off screen training, common sense, insanity, humor, sarcasm, the Log, explosions, plot, and overall chaos? Apparently a lot of headache medicine for Tsunade. May the Games Begin. Sequel to Yet Again With A Little Extra Help.

25. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four: Stuff Happens! People move! Things! Things and Squares! The time is nigh!

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters, or any references in this story. If I did, horrible things would happen. Neither do I own any other anime that I reference. I do own all OC's and new Jutsu in the story as well as every ounce of pure awesome spawned by this.

o. o. o.

He sat on a boulder outside the base, hunched over, and leaned his head on one hand that was covering a fist.

What the hell happened?

That was the question that was going through not only his, but everyone's heads in the base.

The women that had been captive in the base were gone. Deidara and that odd civilian messenger were gone. Nearly the entire base's population was still in shock or denial about the attack.

And yet not a single scratch was made that wasn't there already.

No burn marks from supposed chaotic lightning jutsu.

No metal pillars that spawned from the below the base.

No injuries or deaths of any kind.

So why the hell did it feel like he had been fried and torn apart yesterday?

And now there were rumors that some monster shinobi from Konoha had attacked Iwa by himself with a genjutsu severe enough to put the entire place on lockdown.

His mind went back to his interrogations with the girls. About the forces moving behind the scenes. Was this what they were talking about?

The disappearance of the civilian who had been driving everyone nuts was another matter. The weakling did not have the ability to escape the compound on his own, let alone the mountains, without a trace.

But he was gone. He was gone and not a single person stationed at the base was absent.

He was very likely dead though. The money that he had brought with him had been burnt to a crisp. The dead man's seal he had mentioned earlier had triggered, just as he had said. So either the weakling really was offed in some way, or someone was going through extra hurdles to keep him hidden.

His fist tightened and he clenched his body to stop the small shaking.

He didn't react like this. He had been around bad deals and jobs before. Things went south. People died. Things exploded. He'd almost get killed, but would slip away at the last moment.

This… was different.

He saw something. He didn't know what. No. He couldn't know. He was practiced enough in the mind arts to check others for being tampered with. He had caught a good number of Yamanaka and sealed traps over the years before it was too late. Checking one's own mind was a bit difficult and dangerous, but he was good enough to know when not to push his luck.

He couldn't tell what he saw.

It was seamless. His memories were seamless and perfect, as if there was nothing wrong. No seals. No chakra. No tampering.

But that didn't change the fact that his memory of the event was one single picture. A picture that held shades of something else rubbed right behind it, that he could tell was there, but couldn't see. A memory that he would never recall.

One that utterly terrified him.

He looked into the heads of his comrades, and they too shared the same symptoms. A memory that had been made false that would forever elude them…

A cursed memory.

The base was a complete mess despite the absence of signs of fighting. At least half of the people inside were suffering from PTSD without knowing why, while the other half was trying to either figure out what had happened while keeping things somewhat functional.

It could have been Akatsuki.

Not Deidara. That idiot hated Genjutsu with a passion. It would only "distract the masses from fully enjoying the magnificence of his art".

But the other one… he had shown up before everything went to hell. Even Deidara didn't know who he was given his reaction…

But that still didn't make sense. They were getting a girl. The deal had already been finalized. What was the rush?

He grimaced. This wasn't good. No hostages. The base in chaos. And Akatsuki doing whatever it was they did, unknown if they were ally or enemy. If they were attacked now they were sitting ducks, and if things kept going as they were, they'd be found out due to a slip up sooner rather than later.

Personally, he didn't want to deal with them. They were strong, but any group consisting of the most powerful vagrant shinobi on the continent must have some messed up goals in mind. The less they had to deal with them the better. He wouldn't be surprised if this mess would not have happened if they didn't show up in the first place…

"You."

Every nerve in his body fired off, an animal instinct indicating danger and telling him to move. Had he been on a mission or hiding from an enemy, he would have suppressed it instantly.

But since this was neither scenario, he allowed his panic to control his actions and jumped away from the voice belonging to someone that he did not recognize or sense until just then.

The first thing he noticed about the speaker as he landed a dozen meters away was the ever present Akatsuki cloak. Black with red clouds. There wasn't a single major shinobi group in the elemental nations that didn't know of it by now.

The second thing he noticed was that he wasn't alone.

He was far from alone.

Fourteen.

There were fourteen of them standing there. That had managed to sneak up on him without sensing a damn thing… And in the back was that fucking one eyed bastard that had been with Deidara earlier, waving like an innocent fool.

His heart and lungs sunk to his stomach. There was no hope of running, or warning the others in time. No. There was no "in time" for the base to begin with. Not against a force like this. He could tell instantly that his side would be wiped out with minimal effort. He was facing a pack of genuine monsters.

"This is the main headquarters of the Iwa shinobi opposed to Onoki's rule, correct?" The Akatsuki in front asked. His hair was orange and most of his body disguised by his coat, but it did nothing to hide the inhuman violet eyes with concentric circles around the pupils. The same eyes that were shared with five other members standing behind him.

He swallowed heavily. One wrong move and he'd be dead before he realized it. Hell, he could already be dead for all he knew. "Y-yes."

"Are your leaders present?" The supposed leader's voice reminded him of the ocean. Deep and bottomless, with an impossible amount of weight behind it that went beyond understanding.

"Mm." He nodded, more like jerked his head to resemble nodding. "I-I'll go ahead to notify them of your arrival if you wish. E-everyone in the base is jumpy after recent events. It would make things easier."

The leader of Akatsuki didn't budge an inch or say a word for several long moments before breaking the silence. "Please go ahead. Do not betray us though. What we have planned will require sufficient numbers."

The unspoken threat was understood as clear as day. They wanted men, but had no reservations about killing all of them if they had to.

He turned around and started to walk back to the base. He didn't dare run. His body was too numb and jittery to use chakra. He didn't trust his control now.

Akatsuki was here. In full force. He had never heard of such a thing happening before, and now he saw why. They were too strong. Overkill. It was too much. That small group alone was more than enough to take down an entire hidden village if they wanted to…

… But they needed men? They came here? So soon? It made no sense. If they desired to destroy Iwa they could. No, that probably was their plan. With power like that, they could take down anyone if they got the drop on them, but they needed people too?

Power and people. Power to destroy Iwa, but people to… to…

He stumbled as he came to the only possible conclusion he could fathom as realistic. Realistic? Just using that word in this scenario was a bad joke in itself. But it was the only one that made sense.

And if so… there was no question on what they were going to do, but the real horrifying thought was, what after that?

o. o. o.

"So, now that you two have calmed down and finally started acting like adults," Shima shot the petulant and sulking Naruto and Jiraiya a dirty look that promised pain should they prove her wrong, "What is so important that you decided to come yourself and keep Jiraiya-chan here, Naruto-chan?"

For the briefest of moments, Naruto had half a mind to say something snarky.

For the briefest of moments, the fanged tongue of Shima popped out of her mouth.

"Akatsuki's gonna attack Iwa soon and take it over." Good Log he was freaked out by that thing. It was like hanging out with Ripley all over again, only the thing hunting him had more warts.

"WHAT?!" The two non-human sages and the other human sage erupted in surprise.

"It's happening in the next two weeks. Not enough time to get word to the hag and then warn the Tsuchikage about it." Naruto continued. "They're aiming to take over Iwa, not destroy it. That means that Nagato would be there in person to spew out his "I'm a God, now bow before me mortals" shtick. With all that's happened recently, I wouldn't be surprised if he's losing his patience."

"Ignoring how you know this in the first place, knowing you I almost feel safer if I didn't, if this is true then we have little time and resources to do something about it in the first place." Jiraiya grimaced. "It's not like Konoha can move our elites to Iwa in that time, let alone expect a warm welcome if they do make it."

"The bulk of Akatsuki are probably going to be there to assure that it happens. I mean, they're trying to take over an entire village. Plus two Biju." Naruto shook his head. Pain's attack on Konoha last time had been devastating enough, and he had been alone save for Konan. Iwa wouldn't stand a shot in hell if most of Akatsuki actually moved all at once.

"We can send word ahead of us, but that would only prolong the inevitable. I've gotten reports on the rebel faction in Iwa, but they've never been a notable problem for us before now. They aren't massive, but they aren't something ignorable either. And it's not like any of the other villages would make it or be accepted either." The elder sage crossed his arms. "Any way you look at it, the village is a lost cause. Maybe if we had a month or more to work things on the political side, but two weeks? Even your luck is that stupid, brat."

"I'm not saying it isn't. But we can still work with it from a different angle." The blonde's smile was bitter. He doubted anyone in the room would like what he was thinking.

"You plan to exploit the enslavement of thousands of people for your own benefit?" Pa looked affronted, as if he could not believe what he had just heard.

"I plan on catching Akatsuki with their pants down and denying them an easy win." Naruto corrected. "Unless you think it's a good idea to sit back and watch it all happen without doing anything."

Jiraiya relented, knowing a lost argument when he saw one. "We can't stop Akatsuki from taking over with what we have, but we can make it so that they won't get everything they're after. Village secrets. The Biju. Onoki's life. There's a lot of things that they can gain that we can prevent."

"The easiest and best result is if we warned Onoki and Roshi and they, along with Han, bailed from the village without anyone knowing, taking as many secrets as possible." Naruto sighed. "But that's not going to happen. One is locked up, and the other two are protectors and leaders of the village. It would be insulting on the highest order if we asked them to do that and expected their compliance."

"The old gnome would blast you with his Dust Release for even suggesting it." Say what you want about Onoki, but the man was as dedicated to his village as any other Kage.

"And thus that option is no longer available." The blonde dismissed the idea as if his old mentor had proved his point. "Well, only if things get bad enough that he'd actually go along with it."

"You're taking this awfully well considering the last time Nagato was let loose on a village." Fukasaku chastised the youngest one there. "If you care to remember, he killed me and nearly offed you as well. After turning Konoha into a crater in the ground. And that was by himself."

"It helps that I already went through the process of getting most of my bitching and swearing out of my system earlier. As for Nagato? Yeah, he can do that I guess, but if he wants the village itself, he will try to not wreck it too badly." Naruto brushed off his elder's concern without much care. "I'm not too worried about Nagato to be honest. I can take him."

"Naruto-chan. You might be stronger now, but Nagato still has the Rinnegan." Ma frowned. "Not only that, but you can't use Sage Mode or the Kyubi's chakra. No matter how I see it, you're facing an uphill battle."

"Nope. Not worried. Nagato's not an issue for me." Naruto disregarded her completely. "Doesn't matter if I can use Sage Mode or Kurama's power or not. If we didn't know about how his paths worked, that would be a different story, but we do, and I spent a good time while I was away to think of a way to beat Nagato if we fought again. Trust me, I have a stupid unfair advantage against him. I could be up against all six bodies and it wouldn't change the results. Actually, it would be better if I went up against all of them."

"Would you care to share what this advantage is then?" Normally Jiraiya would roll along with whatever crazy idea Naruto had, but he drew the line when it came to the guy that, well, killed him.

"I would, but you wouldn't be able to do anything about it." Naruto shrugged. "You don't have the right skill set. Like I said, I have an unfair advantage over him. Just a matter of typing and info. I'm more worried about being set up against Kisame. Odds are I wouldn't be able to beat that guy unless I wasted half the landscape to get around that fucking sword of his."

"Sadly, I can already picture you doing that. Painfully easily." The Super Pervert deadpanned.

He ignored Jiraiya's sarcasm. "You should have seen what I did to Zabuza and Haku. It was epic."

"I'm sure I'll hear it eventually."

"If we can get back on track. Iwa might be under attack now for all we know." Pa cut in. "Naruto-chan. How reliable is this source of yours?"

"I'm here aren't I? I'd stake my life on it." Naruto crossed his arms defiantly.

"Good enough for me." Jiraiya shrugged. "Problem is, what now?"

"Do you have a map of the land of Earth? My geography of home is a bit rusty."

"The entire country? What do you need that for?" Ma tilted her head in confusion.

Naruto sighed before increasing the amount of chakra in the air to notable levels. "If we're going to sneak into the hidden village in the first place, stay for more than a single day, and most importantly not tip off Akatsuki that I'm in the area, we're going to have to do this right. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly unnoticeable for sensors. Anyone that knows of my abilities will know I'm in the area if they put two and two together."

"Wonderful." Jiraiya groaned as he conceded Naruto's point before going through his things. His Seventh Sense was an absurdly useful skill, but it was also a giant warning sign that he was in the area as well. Ghost could regulate the chakra levels so no one could notice, but Naruto didn't have that fine tune control. "What does that have to do with the map though?"

Naruto unraveled the paper he was given and inspected it. "If you travel to Kiri, you assume that there is mist clouding up everything. Kumo, the lightning. Natural or not, it's still dangerous and it's still there, so most people, local or not will disregard them, even if it messes with their senses. Iwa is high up in the mountains, but it's currently summer time. Storms still should reach the village every now and then, and with them chaotic winds and electric disturbances that would cause at least some irregularities in their sensory equipment…"

"You're planning on making a thunderstorm upwind, far enough that no one would be suspicious of its coming…" Jiraiya frowned. "And with the storm comes your chakra. By the time any sensory device would be able to detect the anomaly, they'd assume that it was a disturbance made by the storm and compensate for it, masking your signature completely."

"Planting a forest to hide a tree." Fukasaku nodded. "Normally this approach would be impossible to consider, but if it's you Naruto-chan, it's more than workable. You've done this before."

Jiraiya sighed and shook his head. "Wind tends to travel East by NorthEast here. How far away can you do this? I don't think people would believe it if a monsoon spawned in the middle of the country."

Naruto nodded, taking the statement into account before pointing to a large peninsula that made the bulk of the country between the Land of Rice Paddies and the Land of Waterfalls. "Here should work. A solid distance, but not too far to wipe me out when we arrive. The Land of… what was this place called again?"

"Officially? It doesn't have one. Everyone just calls it the "Open Grave" since there's all sorts of nasty things living there." Jiraiya shrugged. "Shinobi cut through there if they're in a hurry, but it's not as safe as some of the more established and monitored lands. Tons of black market deals and missing-nin go there to hide out. Not all of them leave."

The blonde paused and looked up at his co-conspirators with a dry gaze that would do Gaara proud. "At what point are you guys going to realize that you're pretty much describing the perfect location to hide some secret and controversial superweapon, base, or generic evil plot device?"

"Naruto, there's nothing there." Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "And even if there was, there's no time to go for it now. Nagato's base of operations is Ame, so, as long as he's the stand in leader of Akatsuki, that's where the rest are going to be working from."

"We never did find out where they gathered and accumulated their forces after Nagato died." Naruto's tone warned. "Konan defected to our side at the end, and she told us that Ame had nothing to do with the last battle. That masked asshole got and hid his forces from somewhere else."

"Then we'll look for the mystery base there later. Iwa takes priority." Ma cut in.

"If I'm right, I reserve the honor of being a horrifically obnoxious and pompous ass for at least twelve hours."

"Fine. Whatever. Get back to work brat. We have a plausible way to mask you being there. What about everything else? Politics? Excuses for being there? Fighting? Strategies? Did you think about those yet or were you too busy panicking like a novice scrub?" The Toad Sage agreed with some annoyance. The little jackass was already a pompous prick when he won an argument, so he was merely resigning himself to the inevitable in a worst case scenario.

Thump.

The middle aged man and the two toads blinked as the blonde dumped a stack of papers and two large scrolls on the table.

They stared at him.

Then back to the pile.

Then back to him.

"Novice scrub?" A single blonde eyebrow arched.

"Jiraiya-chan. We might be toads, but clearly you have the biggest mouth in the room." Shima glared at her fellow victim.

o. o. o.

SMASH!

A body was sent flying across the landscape, through trees and hills without any illusion of stopping. Dust kicked up further and further into the distance until one would have to fly or climb a mountain to get a better perspective on things.

The mangled corpse flew for minutes on end, far past the village boundaries and managed to make it halfway to the country's border before it finally skit to a stop, trailing body parts, blood, bone, and sinew for the last part of the trip. It was hard to tell if there was less blood or skin on it by the time it had come to a full stop, let alone determine if it was human.

And then the cadaver sat up. Skin unblemished, clothes untattered, and blood circulating perfectly fine.

"Owwww. Geez. What's the deal? Can you be a bit gentler Dima? I'm still nursing a hangover here." Ghost groaned, cradling his skull.

He barely managed to stand up before the front of his shirt was snatched by the angry Light wielder brought to full height.

"Oi oi! I'm sorry!" The immortal winced. "Whatever it was I did when I was plastered I'm sorry! I didn't think I downed enough to be full Irish last night! Just tell me what I did and I'll cover the damages and psychologist bill."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dimitri growled dangerously. He was clearly in no mood for games.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that. We both know I haven't told a lot of people loads of things that tend to piss them off. You know, to prevent something like this exact situation from happening. Again." He really hoped that he was let down soon. He was still a tad bit nauseous from the hangover and being manhandled wasn't helping things.

Dima shook the jackass roughly before bringing their faces uncomfortably close. "Why didn't you tell me that Shadow found a way around her condition?"

The seemingly clueless and annoyed expression on the accosted man dropped away, exposing an ominously blank image. "If you were anyone else, you'd be torched for joking about that."

Dima wasn't dissuaded from the sudden change in personality. He had seen it too many times to be affected by only that much. "That boy that came today. Her student. Shikamaru. She treats him like she treats me. You know damn well I can tell the difference between the real thing and that patronizing bullshit you normally do."

"I haven't seen Shikamaru since I first left. He's been away before I got back." With a gesture that seemed almost like an effortless shrug, Dima's grip on his clothes was thrown off instantly. "No one has told me jack shit and I don't know jack shit. Waltz. Talk. Now."

From the side, the colossal old man was sitting on a rock, as if he had been there the entire time. "It happened when you were gone. Don't know how, and Shadow made it damn clear to us that she didn't want us to know either. Given the circumstances, we decided it was better to stop while we were ahead, lest we possibly ruin a good thing."

"Fucking hell. Why didn't you tell me when I got back? Doesn't that strike you as, you know, important?" Ghost grunted.

"Forgot." Waltz shrugged, as if it wasn't his problem. "Shika was out for a while and the rest of us had gotten used to it for so long that we didn't remember to let you know."

"That, or you wanted to freak me out with seeing it firsthand."

"And, or, that." The old man briefly grinned.

"Dust shooting flaccid bastard." Both Ghost and Dima spat in Waltz' direction at the same time.

"And people can't see the resemblance." The accused rolled his eyes. "I hope that you didn't ream Ghost a new one in public Dima. I know you're pissed, but unless you haven't noticed, this world is really starting to reach its limits when it comes to guys on our level letting things slip. A bit more and we risk triggering a sizeable recoil. We don't need extra public outcries against us now either."

Ghost snorted, turning to Dima patronizingly. "What are you talking about Waltz? Dima's not on our level. He's just a scrub that's lower on the food chain than Harry and Luffy."

"You're still passing yourself off as a Holy Class? I thought we talked about this Dimitri."

"That's what I told him, but you know how stubborn he can be." As if the world decided to flick a switch and turn on a very specific set of lights, Sylvia appeared a short distance away. "I mean he's still not as strong as the rest of us, but he's still Family caste."

"Unlike some people." The unspoken insult had been heard loud and clear if the glares they shot her were any sign.

"Where have you been?" Ghost glanced back at the newcomer.

"Hiding and waiting for Shadow to calm down enough to not waste half the planet when she sees me again." She answered as if it was only obvious. She wasn't stretching the truth on the "wasting half the planet" part either.

"If you fuck this up for Shadow, not even Scab will be able to save you Syl." Dima shot his temporary companion a threatening look. "I was willing to look away from your fuck up only once, and it ended up becoming mine as a result. I won't make that mistake again."

For the briefest of moments, the woman looked genuinely hurt by the man's words. And the next, she was completely content.

Her powers never allowed her to stray to one extreme for very long, even if she wanted to. Or deserved it. Or needed it.

Only the most severe of emotions ever managed to stay consistent more than a few seconds. And that was if said emotions had a constant fuel to keep them going.

"I know my word isn't worth much anymore, but I do wish Shadow the best and have no intention of robbing what little happiness she can accumulate… so long as it doesn't involve my misfortune."

"That's a tall order…" Waltz's comment had the other two males there nodding in agreement.

"Don't remind me." Syl groaned. "So what now? This place isn't set up for free exploring anymore. Not with things shaken up as much as they have been. Should Dima and I just go?"

"Can't." Her compatriot shook his head with a grimace. "Carmen screwed up and it led to an idiot becoming a bloody Acolyte, and killing one of the heavy hitters here. Like it or not, we have a tab here."

"Son of a bitch." It was rare for the woman to swear, but the situation called for it.

Especially considering the fact that Shadow would be the one to cash in on it.

o. o. o.

Naruto sighed as he sat in the lotus position. Well… sat was one way to describe it. Floating was more accurate.

Two and a half thousand meters up in the air.

Making a localized thunder storm was easy. Any idiot could do it if they put in enough time, training and chakra. Hell he could make about a dozen rapid fire before starting to feel a burn, and that was without sage mode or Kurama's power.

Those weak things were barely worth the time though. They were like fireworks. Short lived and flashy with little to go for them afterwards.

Making a real storm was different. Something that went for tens, if not hundreds of kilometers. A force of nature in its entirety. Power was of course needed, but knowledge was just as important, and range…

"So how long are we going to be up here again?"

And most of all, time.

"Six hours. Bare minimum, if we want to make this believable." Naruto sighed, not bothering to look to his side where Jiraiya was also floating, though less comfortable about being so high up.

"That long?" The Sage rose a skeptical eyebrow.

The blonde grunted and nodded his head to the shadow clones he's made, floating and meditating a good distance away from them in all directions in a wide spread out pattern that extended for dozens of kilometers. "You want stealth? You want me to at least get in there without causing a mass frenzy? You want people to not be suspicious of a thunderstorm that somehow materialized within the country's borders and so happened to go straight for the village overnight? Or for people to not notice that the water is supersaturated with someone's chakra?"

"Ok. Ok. I get it. You made your point." Jiraiya retreated. "It's just uncomfortable being up here doing nothing for so long. You might be fine with it, but I sure as hell am not."

"Yeah, well, you're a veteran. You'll get used to it." Really, flying was nearly the basic of the basics for most super powered individuals in the multiverse. Some people could get by without it, but if things got nasty, then there was no substitution for three dimensions of mobility… outside of timespace mobility, but that jumped straight to fifth dimension so that kinda missed the point.

"I'm honored you have so much faith in me." The elder sarcastically thanked his student in a huff. He honestly didn't know if he wanted to get used to this. Shinobi were used to breaking the rules all the time, but being up here in untouched territory made him feel like he was trespassing into something that he had no right to be in.

Already the elder sage could see Naruto's work bearing fruit. There had been a few clouds in the sky already when they had arrived via reverse summoning, but the bulk and volume of what was there now was blatant. Huge thunderclouds were starting to form, and would no doubt blanket the area around them as time went on. In fact…

"Should we be here when things get going? I don't fancy being stuck in the middle of a raging thunderhead. My hair would take forever to get back to normal."

"We'll rise to higher elevations once the formation starts to hold itself together." Naruto soothed his partner's concerns. "My clones and I need to be this low so my chakra can properly adjust things in the lower atmosphere and gather enough moisture from below. I can't force this to just happen. It would be easier and faster if I had a better mastery over the water element, but I don't have it, so here we are."

"Fine. Fine. You're the so called expert." Jiraiya waved before leaning back into a reclining position and looking at the clouds nearby. Now that he had a better look, it was a sight to see, clouds this close up without anything else in the way. That Shikamaru kid would probably kill to experience this at least once before he died.

"You're writing porn? Here? Seriously?" Naruto looked at the familiar notepad and pen taken out of one of the sage's pockets.

"I write art." With a magnificent flair and flick of the wrist, the middle aged man twirled his pen over the back of his wrist and through his fingers before pointing the inked end at his accuser.

Naruto wasn't impressed. "… I'm not picking your shit up if you drop it."

The sage paused, looked down at the earth so very far below them, back up, then shrugged and got back to writing. "Meh. Non-believers. Show's what you know. A professional never misuses his materials."

"A professional perv. Yeah. I can guess what would happen if you "accidentally" mishandled your tools." Naruto grinned savagely.

"I don't want to hear that coming from the brat that reeked of sex coming back to Myobokuzan."

The guilty party had the decency to flush. "I don't even want to know how you were able to tell that much."

The sage shrugged as if it was simple. "You don't smell the part, but that's because you always hide your scent with your power. You look the part, but that's because you are a perpetual mess."

"And the telltale blow is…" Naruto braced himself.

"Hickies, bite marks, and standard subtle kunoichi makeup smears just below your collar." Jiraiya waved lazily. "I'm more surprised that the hicky stuck for so long with your regeneration. Then again, there were rumors that your Hyuga girl looked like the type to play rough. I've heard rumors that they know the most interesting ways to use jyuken outside of battle."

"Son of a bitch…" Naruto started to check his body, ignoring the lazy, yet satisfied, chuckle that his companion had as he did so.

"About time you got laid."

"I'm not a virgin you idiot. I've been trained."

"Hopefully not by Ghost. He's crazy, but I don't think he swings that way."

Naruto grinned. "By a queen sex demon. Huge rack. Legs for days. Exotic clothing. No modesty. The works."

The pervert's head moved so fast his neck cracked, blood already leaking from his nose. He might be in a stable relationship with Tsunade, but did not mean in the slightest that his X rated fantasies had been curbed. "Bull shit."

"Nope. Final test was to use all my skills to make her come before me or else she'd eat me. Literally." Naruto shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "Almost didn't make it. Even with clones."

"Shit kid. I'm almost jealous." Jiraiya blinked like an owl.

"Kinda helped that her tail was a major turnoff and staved off a climax." He shivered. Why? Why won't that thing leave his nightmares?!

"This coming from the guy with the nine tailed fox in him?"

"Oi." Kurama materialized onto Naruto's shoulder. "Don't compare my illustrious tails to that eldritch abomination."

"Yeesh. Ok. That bad. My mistake." Rolling his eyes, he went back to his writing, looking around as he did so. This wide expanse, the rolling clouds, the deep blue black canvas above that was deeper than any ocean. He had to use this in his stories at some point. This sort of image went beyond what could be imagined. It could only be experienced first-hand, and only the barest traces of it inscribed onto paper.

In fact… "Hey Naruto, out of curiosity, how far up can you take us?"

"Space if you want, though it would take a while." The blonde yawned.

The sage faltered. "S-Seriously?"

"It is not as difficult or outlandish as it sounds." The fox scoffed. "Air. Radiation. High winds. Temperature. Pressure. High velocity debris. All of it is manageable with the use of Presence or the Seventh Sense. Had he access to Sage Mode and my power, we could easily traverse the span to the Moon itself within reasonable time."

"Took me forever to get it down." Naruto shook his head, more interested in the thickening clouds that were starting to gain momentum around and below them. "Air supply, pressure, temperature, and high altitude winds were easy enough, but the debris and radiation were an utter bitch to adjust to. Figuring out a way to filter the former being able to deflect the latter nearly killed me like a dozen times over. Thank fuck I was allowed to practice with clones first before going out myself. And please don't ask me to go to the moon anytime soon. It would take me over a week without a solid boost to my chakra."

It took everyone a few moments to realize that Jiraiya was simply staring at Naruto, his face vacant of any emotion. "You… you're serious about all that."

"It's just the moon." Naruto shrugged. "Really, in worlds where there's powers being thrown about everywhere, it's rare if the moon isn't being used for one thing or another. Hell, I know this one part of the multiverse where the thing is actually a freaking giant robot. So cool."

"So stupid." Kurama corrected him without a hint of hesitation.

The sage breathed in and out deeply, put his notes away, and rubbed his temples. "I'm starting to understand why everyone's been so worried about you lately kid. Fucking… the moon. The honest to Log moon and you don't even consider it to be significant in the slightest."

"There's always someone bigger Ero-senin." The blonde sighed, looking at the clouds he was making. The first cracks and rumbles of uneven electrical charges reaching their ears. "People always say that, but not a lot ever realize just how big some guys can actually get. Or that such a realm of power exists. And even when you do find out… well, it makes you wonder, what's fantasy and what's reality? The world you find yourself in now? The one that you thought you knew the entire time that everyone else lives by? By the time you ask yourself that, you are cursed with an even bigger question."

"Which is?" He didn't know why, but Jiraiya felt unnerved at how the conversation seemed to darken as the clouds did. It was as if nature was being led by Naruto's real thoughts and emotions.

Naruto smiled sadly. "Which world do you belong in?"

Jiraiya, for all his years of experience, didn't know how to answer.

The fox snorted, appearing to be more interested in the changing world below. "Foolish. There's no need to ask yourself such a pointless question."

Why bother wasting time concerning yourself which face of the world you should reside on, when you already hold dominion over its entirety?

o. o. o.

"I heard you're up."

Hana and Anko looked to see Tsume at the front door. The former groaned.

"Called it." Anko yawned.

The Matriarch of the Inuzuka clan rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Let me guess, Hana thought that Tsunade would be here first."

"Yep." The snake user popped the end of her confirmation, stretching as she did so.

"And I'm going to hazard a second guess and assume that Ghost was in here before anyone else knew you were up."

"Yep."

"Figures." Tsume walked into the room proper, grabbed a chair that was resting next to the far wall, and pulled it over so she was sitting between the two of them. "You know, a lot of people are going to ask questions about you being in this state soon."

"You should have seen us before." Hana joked lightheartedly. "I don't know about Anko, but I practically healed up half the damage inside my cell."

"Showoff. I only managed a quarter." Anko sulked.

"Do you remember what happened? The triplets said that you were ambushed but couldn't remember details."

Hana shook her head. "No. I kept going over it every day in that hellhole, but any details completely escape me. There were four of them, and they were strong, but more importantly they wouldn't stay down. Other than that… nothing. I'm surprised that they kept us alive in the first place."

"Whoever it was probably did something to us." Anko groaned. "And if they were good enough to take us out, they're most likely good enough to make sure that whatever we might have remembered is gone."

"Inoichi will be the judge of that." Tsume didn't like the idea of someone being able to set up a mental wipe that could evade the Yamanaka's touch. "… We were told that you were somewhere in Iwa."

"Rebels." Hana shifted to relieve some pressure off of her back. "They complained too much about Onoki and his rule to be part of the normal forces. I don't know where we were held though. By the time I had woken up, I was already in a cell. They didn't exactly give us five start treatment while we were there either."

"Same. I would say that whoever attacked us drugged us in order to be so out of it that they managed to take us across two international borders without us waking up, but given how messed up we were, I wouldn't be surprised if we just slept through the entire trip." Anko grimaced.

"Ghost didn't seem to have much trouble doing that much." The concerned mother pointed out.

"Ghost is bullshit. He can't even take the laws of physics seriously. He probably made the trip within an hour." Anko counterargued.

They all knew she was being generous. He probably spanned the gap between the villages in only a few minutes. Seconds if he felt like it.

"Humph. Can't go against that logic." The mother smiled bitterly.

"You're taking this pretty well." Hana frowned suspiciously.

In response, the mother smiled faintly, leaned over, and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "He brought you back. As much of a pain he is, he's earned at least that much respite."

The daughter mimicked her mother's smile before letting it die. "I remember him coming. I… I never saw him that angry before. He knocked me out before I could say or see much but…"

"Mmm. That was pretty much what everyone else that knows him said. Even Waltz and Shadow were panicking." Tsume nodded. "Asshole completely blew me off after unloading you two to Waltz without so much as a joke. Apparently Scab knew where you were for weeks beforehand without telling anyone. Now he's barely more than a meat sack after whatever his brother did to him."

"I was there for that. I think." Anko grimaced. "Everything from that time is just one giant smear of a blur. Too hurt and weak to remember anything clearly. Getting blown up will do that to you…"

"So Akatsuki really was there."

"I don't think it mattered to Ghost. We were hurt and he had assumed that we were just having trouble on some random mission that was holding us back. That assumption nearly killed us and well… he was angrier at himself and the situation more than anyone else."

"Sounds about right." Anko agreed with Hana's summary. "He has it bad for us, but is always trying to be careful when it comes to not crossing the line that pushes us away. Would be more romantic and endearing if he wasn't so bloody infuriating and frustrating most of the time."

"Sorry if I rarely ever sensed a romantic vibe coming from that man." Unstable, insane, immature, and downright maddening yes, but rarely romantic.

"It comes with the sex." Anko supplied.

"Ah. That explains a lot."

"You wouldn't by chance know where he is now, do you?" Tsume probed reluctantly. "He is the only one that knows what went down in Iwa, so we have to make sure we aren't, you know, going to war anytime soon."

The two injured women looked at one another skeptically.

"Have you tried looking in a tree?"

o. o. o.

Somewhere in Konoha by the river:

"FOOLS!" Some hidden idiot yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'M HIDING IN A BUSH THIS TIME!"

Suddenly, the world flashed bright, and all the bushes in the area caught fire.

Dima stood in the middle of the destruction, arms crossed. "I can wait here alllll day Ghost."

"… I REGRET NOTHING!"

o. o. o.

Tsume looked outside. "Well, either that or I can start with the suspicious fire that just started in the distance."

"Remember, if it smells like bacon, it's probably the old man." Hana reminded her mother.

"Yes. As if I wish to recall that the smell of burning old man turns half of our clan into slobbering messes."

"It's the spices. Waltz is very seasoned." Anko raised and lowered her eyebrows comically.

"Hilarious." Tsume walked to the window and made to open it before paused. "… Be honest with me you two. Can you see yourselves with him in the long run?"

"Yeah." Anko smiled. "Almost too easily, even though we just saw each other again."

"Mmm." Hana was less sure though. "I can see it. But will we choose it… that's something we still have to decide on."

"Heh." Tsume shook her head and jumped outside. "Well, I must have done something right as a single mother. You're already smarter than I was at your age."

o. o. o.

Naruto was gone.

Fuu frowned as he sat with Torune and Sai in the cooling forest, the sun setting in the distance. "I can't sense the Jinchuuriki anymore. I thought he may have been hiding through his jutsu, but the chakra in the air has been progressively thinning all day. He's disappeared."

"Can't you tell where he's gone?" Torune probed. He had never heard of anyone escaping Fuu's ability once he's gotten a bead on them before, and the Kyubi Jinchuriki was never hard to track so far.

"No. His trail stops cold. The chakra in the air is hovering over the Priestess' caravan, but it is clear that he is no longer with them." The Yamamaka stated.

Sai frowned, tilting his head to the side in confusion. "I don't recall him ever not pouring out chakra for the Seventh Sense, so what you said must be true. But how did he vanish? Perhaps he mastered Hiraishin while away. If so, then we won't be able to track him anymore."

"I'm more concerned with Kakashi's group staying with the priestess." Fuu noted. "Their mission was to obtain the Jinchuriki for the Hokage. I find it disturbing that they are not pressing on with the mission."

"We can get closer." Torune noted. "With his jutsu down, it is easier to sneak in unnoticed and gather information."

"You will have to be careful of Shino and Hinata then." Sai reminded them. "Either one of them can easily detect us if we are not careful."

Fuu sent Sai an annoyed glare. "Do not presume to tell me something I do not already know. I already have a plan of approach regardless that I can enact from here."

Before any questions were asked, the blonde man made several seals. "Hidden Art: Anchored Mind Body Switch."

o. o. o.

Ino's body stiffened momentarily before relaxing.

"Hmm?" Chouji glanced at his girlfriend eating right next to him. "Something wrong, Ino?"

"I… I thought I sensed something nearby." "Ino" blinked twice and looked around to get her bearings. "… Naruto's chakra must be messing with me."

"Mmm. Really? I thought you had gotten used to it now that he's left." The Akimichi shrugged before turning back to his meal.

"You're not a sensor Chouji." She stood up and rubbed her head as if dealing with a migraine. "The sudden change in pressure after being around him for so long can be disorienting every now and then."

"I guess. You're the expert in these sorts of things. Not me." The teen didn't seem suspicious. "Are you still up for guard duty later?"

"I'll manage. Just need to walk around for a bit to get things circulating again." Getting up, Ino made an effort to stretch in a way that made certain parts of her body stick out to draw excessive attention.

"I'll save you some leftovers in case you get hungry later."

"Thanks."

Walking away from the campfire, Fuu rummaged through his cousin's head at a furious pace. Directly invading the mind and body of a fellow Yamanaka without welcome was not only a forbidden thing to do as far as the clan was concerned, but stupid as well if the target was experienced. Thanks to the seal and techniques he had used on her years ago, he had allowed himself a ten-minute gap where he could maintain control and Ino would be none the wiser, but any longer than that and he could very well put ROOT in its entirety at risk.

Chaos and frustration were the first things that came to mind, but that was par the course when it came to the Jinchuriki. Even barely into his teens he was already essentially a mini Oogakari.

The toad was different though.

He went to Myobokuzan. But why? Did Jiraiya call him?

If the Toad Sage had his hands on the Jinchuriki, then getting their hands on him was moot point now, but finding out why may be as valuable to Danzo.

Unfortunately, Ino didn't know. The only ones that did seemed to be the original team seven, and Fuu was not foolish enough to do something as radical as attempt to wean the information out of them. Directly or indirectly.

… Yet, there was one other person that might be of use that wouldn't be a threat.

Walking casually as if nothing was amiss, Ino made her way to the central pavilion and stepped inside.

There, right in front of her, lay Shion, unconscious and attended to by Taruho.

"Yamanaka-san? Is something amiss?" The young man asked as he saw her enter the tent.

Having gone through his cousin's mind on many an occasion, Fuu had already become more than updated on who Taruho was, his habits, and Shion's current condition on his walk there. "No. Nothing in particular. How is Shion-sama doing?"

"She's coming too, just as you thought. Easing her body to consciousness is taking longer than I would prefer, but it does seem to be working." Seeing nothing wrong, the young man turned back to his charge, leaving himself completely exposed.

Or so it seemed. Looking up, "Ino" saw the small golden fox innocently sleeping on the wooden supports of the tent. A shadow clone of the Jinchuriki for the sake of addressing a condition of the Priestess. Fuu had to be careful. He couldn't arouse any suspicion, lest he expose himself.

"I want to try something. I didn't want to bring it up earlier because we didn't know Shion-sama's condition in detail." Walking forward, Ino gently moved to the young woman's head. "I want to check her mental condition to see if everything is settling properly, just in case."

"If you think it will help." If Taruho was a bit more paranoid and experienced with shinobi, he would have taken means to ensure that Ino also promised that she would not steal any secrets from his homeland as well. Not that it would have mattered seeing as it was not Ino performing the jutsu.

Nodding, Fuu placed both of his host's hands next to Shion's head and focused.

Surprisingly, the young girl's mind was unnaturally difficult to invade. Layers upon layers of subconscious defenses protected her mind from outside influences.

Fortunately, said defenses focused on her psyche and personality; not her memories.

How pointless. All that should ever matter to a leader is the information they hold. How else are they to keep their homes safe?

o. o. o.

Fuu opened his eyes and looked around. Delving into the mind of the disturbed was always a risk, but the girl's defenses were strong and thus kept her stable.

It took him but an instant to see why she was unbalanced in the first place, however, even he was somewhat caught off guard by what he saw.

The girl's mind was layered and aged. Incredibly so. Memories overlapped and cut off abruptly. Irregular patterns that gave him double vision flickered past his senses.

And yet there was one section that was clearly even further than the norm than the others. A black kaleidoscope of shards that seemed to possess rules and even laws of their own perpetually disrupted the stability of everything else there. It was pitifully small compared to the bulk of the other memories the girl had, but it's… significance, quality, mere presence was leagues more potent than that of its surroundings. Quite literally, it was like looking at a refined diamond in a pile of dirt. There was no comparison.

Fuu frowned, making note of this information for later and focusing back on the task at hand. "I might not make it at this rate. The way her memories are set up, it will be difficult to pinpoint what I'm looking for."

Fortunately, he knew that the information he was looking for was within the past couple of days. In fact, it should be among her last coherent memories.

Unfortunately, that chaotic amalgam of a kaleidoscope was in the way.

He did not even hesitate.

He saw… the Kyubi Jinchuriki. The boy had not left. The fool continued to act akin to a child and socialized with the others his age. The girl was infatuated with him for a deed he did not commit…

… In this timeline?

They traveled to Konoha. If his group had attempted to apprehend the tool during the travels, it did not reach her ears and it clearly did not succeed.

They arrived. The Hokage, the foolish woman, welcomed him with barely any punishment for his actions other than some minor blows. More yelling and childish antics. The Priestess expressed desire to arrange a marriage with the Jinchuriki. Pointless…

… An emergency message came. Akatsuki had assaulted Iwa with aid from those dissatisfied by Onoki's rule. The Tsuchikage was dead and they likely were already sealing away the Yonbi and Gobi.

The village was put on high alert.

Soon after that, a message was sent out to all villages that Akatsuki was declaring war with Iwa at their backs. It was a major blow. The world stability had been upheaved. Panic was everywhere.

The Priestess realized that she could help change things. She had done it before multiple times. She focused. Pushed back and.

"Ngh?!"

▄▄██ҀѰERѧҀ██NGHA

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The abyss black curtain of all that was beyond blocked the way, revealing everything that should not be here at once.

Closer.

Clo▄er.

█l▄ser.

Fuu began to realize that something was terribly amiss. No. No. This was a memory. He shouldn't be in danger of something like this. A violent or disjointed memory could do harm to a Yamanaka if they weren't careful, but this was something else entirely. The corruption of the memory itself was… was…

"Well now. Isn't this something interesting?"

There was nothing there. The Priestess' mind. Her memories. He had passed the threshold into the eldritch abyss…

… And there, floating as if nothing was amiss, floated Ghost Oogakari.

"Fancy seeing you here, Fuu Yamanaka. I must admit, I am a bit surprised to see someone of this world manage to slip into my neck of the woods. Even if it was by accident."

"You… What are you?" This wasn't natural. Every sensation Fuu had told him that he was somewhere, else. A place he didn't belong in. But here he was. And here Ghost was, claiming it was his.

"Human. Asshole. Immortal. Demon. Monster. Murderer. Scientist. Plumber. Madman. Psychologist. Defiler. God. The End. Firefighter. Assassin. Friday night halftime show stripper. The list goes for a while. A slew of them could answer your question to your meager satisfaction, but I don't feel like humoring you in that way." The foreigner smirked.

"What is the meaning of this? Why are you in the Priestess' mind?" Fuu pressed, not at all willing to play games.

"Her mind? Hah. Silly goose. You think we are in that tiny child's cramped skull?" Ghost's smirk only widened. "Weren't you paying attention before? We aren't there. We aren't here. We're somewhere… else. Somewhere that's allll mine. Like what I've done with the place? I think I did pretty well considering I'm in debt up to my tits to Scab… tit if you want to be technical about it."

Fuu didn't like the feeling he was getting here. This darkness. It was unnatural. He had to cancel the jutsu and return to Danzo with the information he had obtained. "Kai!"

Ghost floated there, watching in amusement as the man didn't move, disappear, or fade in any sense of the word.

"… What?"

"I wonder. Was that to cancel your technique, or to try and disrupt a genjutsu that does not exist?" The immortal pondered as Fuu furiously glared at him.

"What did you do to me?"

"Me? You misunderstand Fuu, I didn't do anything. This realm has been here long before the star that you call a sun began to manifest. No, you were the idiot that got too curious and slipped here without knowing better. The silly rules that you went by following and assuming were absolute mean nothing here." Ghost chided as if lecturing a small child.

The man grimaced. He didn't want to reveal his hand so early but he had no choice. Clearly this fool was going to be of no help.

Breathing deep, he focused…

The prodding fingers that invaded the mind. The expert hands that could extract all secrets…

"Kai!"

He didn't vanish.

Ghost picked his nose with his pinky. "Presence eh? Not surprised that you stole the secrets of it from Ino and handed it to Danzo. Well, I can't say you're on the wrong path if you want to get out of here, but you're so bloody weak and inexperienced that it would probably take you over a millennium to get out of here. And that's if you have someone who knows what they are doing teaching you. Incompetent scrub. That 'conditioning' that the cripple put you through pretty much ensured you'd be stuck at the novice level no matter how much you practiced regardless."

The ROOT agent glared at the immortal.

"Since you asked so nicely, no. I'm not going to teach you."

"Do you understand what you are doing? You are leaving an ideal opportunity for Konoha to exploit Iwa's and Akatsuki's distraction with one another." Fuu tried to reason with the madman. To make him see reason.

"Yeeeaaah. And let you go to Danzo with all the other juicy bits that you managed to glimpse from the girl's mind? Like the fact that her ability to see into the future is the real deal? Or that Naruto is from another timeline? For being a mind manipulator and a shinobi, you aren't very good at this, are you?" Ghost skeptically rose an eyebrow.

The two opponents remained quiet, staring at one another with unreadable expressions.

In a blur of motion, Fuu snapped his hands out, throwing several kunai and shuriken at the other man.

Each mark hit perfectly. The target didn't even react as iron pierced a dozen vitals all over his body.

Yanking back on the rope that was connected to several of the weapons he threw, Fuu pulled the body towards him. He had a limited amount of time, but if he could invade the dying man's mind, he might be able to pull out the information needed to escape this technique if killing the caster was not enough.

With practiced ease, the Yamanaka stopped the bleeding man's motion, grabbed onto his head with both hands…

"You're doing it backwards. It's date first, then kissing, then shoving foreign objects into my body."

Snap.

Without even questioning it, the two hands twisted Ghost's head, breaking his neck like a twig. The body was useless now, but the brain could still live for a few more minutes…

"And now choking and neck play? On the first date? Geez. You really are an impatient bugger. Then again with Danzo at the helm, I doubt anyone in ROOT gets much a chance to get laid unless you were ordered to. You guys are bigger dogs than the Inuzuka hounds."

Fuu's fist lashed out. If breaking Ghost's neck wasn't enough to silence him, then shattering his jaw would at least stop him from talking.

His hand struck nothing. His target wasn't there. He was but a few meters away…

… Just where he had always been. Untouched. Unharmed. Unperturbed.

"Genjutsu?" When? He didn't feel any chakra? Hell, in his spiritual state, it should be next to impossible to be affected by illusions…

"I thought you'd be more interesting than this, but then again, drones rarely are. A shame." Ghost sighed in disappointment.

"… What do you want?" Fuu had to bide his time. Figure out how this jutsu worked and how to kill Ghost, or at the very least get this information back to Danzo.

"So dull." Ghost shook his head in lamentation.

And then clapped his hands once.

A wave, a pulse burst out from the action, somehow distorting the nothing that was everywhere in all directions and passing through Fuu before he could react.

"Now let's see what changes we can make."

The shinobi flinched, as the madman's voice came from behind this time. Turning around and ready to fight, he was prepared for any attack to come at him.

He wasn't, however, prepared to see Ghost poking at a comatose copy of Fuu himself.

"… What?"

He watched in stunned fascination as the foreigner latched onto his doppelganger's head. "Can't have you knowing about the alternate timelines. That goes double for the true nature of Shion's ability and her usefulness. Or the details of the minion's mental state. And obviously this stunt with me is gonna go. Knowing something big is going to happen in Iwa is fine. We can gut out the details such as the invasion and Akatsuki to keep everyone guessing though. Keep things interesting. Have to keep something going to prevent arousing suspicions. On the other hand, that connection to Ino has got to go. You've lost those privileges and I was being generous enough when you made the damn thing. And for good measure, throw in a subconscious need to keep Sai out of any potentially suicidal job and situations that are flat out over his head. People can call me a shitty teacher all they want, and they probably have valid points, but I do care for my students."

"What are you doing?" Fuu demanded, growing more and more unnerved with what he was hearing.

"Hm?" Ghost turned as if remembering that he wasn't alone. "Oh. Nothing much. Just tweaking your copy here so when I send him back to your body he doesn't fuck shit up. Good thing most of the shit you've learned is recent. Not too good at screwing around with older memories with pinpoint accuracy."

The Yamanaka stilled.

"He's adorable, isn't he? Manly jaw. Perpetual scowl. A face only a mother could love." Ghost swooned. There was no hint of malice as he spoke, which made him only more frightening. "Almost all your memories. Your personality. Your skills. Your history. He really is you, just without being you you. This is how the big boys manipulate timespace. Twisting and bending reality is fine and all, but making use of echoes is so much more relaxing and soothing."

"What do you mean, send him back to my body?"

"Figure it out for yourself. I'm not going explain every little detail to a redshirt that can't put two and two together." Ghost snorted before removing his hand and nodding. "Right. Ok. Looks good to go… so go."

With a swift kick, Fuu watched Ghost punt his copy off into the distance where is seemed to vanish without a trace.

"And with that done… I'm gone. Later." Ghost yawned and began to walk in a seemingly random direction.

"Wait! You're just going to leave me here?! You traitor!?" Fuu felt himself beginning to panic. Instinctively he knew that if Ghost left…

"Yep." The Immortal waved lazily. "I've been giving you ROOT pricks way too much leeway lately. Possessing and stealing from my students. Trying to use them as tools. Not getting a damn hint when to shove off. The oncoming events are Naruto's endeavor, and I've told everyone since the start that I'm not going to hold their hands through this, but that doesn't mean I can't help out or do my own thing every now and then. Even if they don't know anything I actually did in the first place. Being a God really is such a thankless job."

"You won't get away with this!" His cool finally broke, panic finally setting in. "I will return! Danzo-sama will know of this! Konoha will learn of your treachery!"

Ghost shook his head as his body began to fade away.

"None of that will come to pass. An idiot like you will never be able to understand where the real power of the world is. As punishment for harassing my charges for years and trespassing onto my territory…"

And like that he was gone, and Fuu was alone, in a place that did not exist.

"… Nothing will ever happen again."

Forever.

Say what you want about Ghost, he kept his word. He did not raise a single finger against the man.

o. o. o.

"One hell of a storm." Roshi stared aimlessly at the deluge that was assaulting Iwagakure from inside Onoki's office. "Oddly fitting given the mood."

"Shut up." The Tsuchikage grimaced as he went over some paperwork. Public unrest had been at an all-time high as the populace slowly recovered from the shock of events a couple days prior. Panic. Outrage. Demands. The village was falling apart. "At the very least help me sort all this out. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

"I am trying to take some of the load off your shoulders in one way." The Jinchuriki grinned dryly as he held up his trusty bottle of sake.

"Well, so long as you two aren't banging each other. Old people sex is creepy and I don't think either one of your backs can handle it for long regardless."

No one in the room moved. The voice didn't belong to either veteran, or the three ANBU hidden as security.

"A fair warning, you've decided to show up at a poor time." Onoki made subtle gestures to his hidden guard to find the newcomer. "I'm not in the mood to negotiate with cheeky fools that think they're good enough to sneak up on a Kage."

"Eh. You're my third this month. Don't think so tall… er… much of yourself, gramps." The voice yawned, as if the threat was meaningless. "And don't bother looking for me. I'm not even close to the building."

"The third?" Roshi frowned. "Sorry kid, but I'm going to have to call bull on that. I can't think of a reason for any idiot to go and start surprising Kage from multiple nations."

"Aw. But I thought we connected so well before I left, old man Roshi. By the way, how's Son Goku doing? You giving him some leg room like he asked yet?"

The occupants in the room froze. Barely anyone knew of the Yonbi's actual name, and even fewer referred to him as an individual so casually.

Roshi grew somber and sober. Rising to his full height, he addressed the ANBU. "Leave. Not a word of this to anyone or I turn your bodies to slag."

Not even a moment later, the room was occupied by only two old men. Not a single shadow had flickered.

"Kid. I hope you have a damn good reason for coming here right after that prick of an immortal master of yours tortured everyone here." Roshi growled dangerously.

"Master… you mean, the Uzumaki boy?" Onoki's eyes widened in alarm.

"Hey. Don't lay this at my feet. I've been on a self-imposed vacation for almost two months to try and get away from it all before going back to work. I haven't even been back home yet. Fuck, I probably shit myself harder than you guys when Ero-nii went nuts because I actually know what he can do in detail. If anything, I pity you for being at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"He tortured us." Roshi didn't feel better from Naruto's reveal. "He killed everyone in the village half a dozen times. He neutered our spirit just for one woman."

The room was quiet for several long seconds.

"Half a dozen times? He killed you only that much?"

Onoki saw red. "Only that much?! Brat! He tore us apart! Families watched one another helplessly as their loved ones were slaughtered! Women and children that had done nothing wrong! And you dare brush off the experience as "only that much"?!"

"Yes, I can." The friendly tone of the teen was gone, replaced with something akin to a kunai's edge. "If you want to bitch and moan to me about how terrible it is to die a dog's death over and over again, get your count up to the triple digits. Then you can sit next to me and get shit faced over how much it sucked. Until then, I expect the two of you to not complain about your minor case of misfortune to me as if I had something to do with it."

There, wasn't anything they could say to that. No justification. No logic. No twisted sense of rationality that could make them appear or feel as if they were the adults of the conversation, let along individuals of importance.

Onoki slowly sagged into his chair, energy already leaving him. He had been on the short end of the stick far too many times as of late. "… Why are you here, brat? I doubt it's to make us feel better."

"Well if you want, I could just play some soothing background music when you fall asleep. I think I managed to get this jutsu to work on automatic with outside sources, but I have to be careful that no one gets close to the MP3 player, otherwise they might add in some interference or change the track. I do not want to accidentally hypnotize another populace overnight into a blood rage against the machine again… especially when there is no machine to rage against. The confusion only makes things worse. So many people had identity crises that day…"

"… If nothing else, at least we have confirmation that it's him." Roshi didn't know anyone else that could get lost on a tangent like that other than the Oogakari and Naruto. "Kid. Get back to the point of all this."

"Huh? Oh. Right. Akatsuki's gonna attack Iwa and take over in the next couple of weeks."

The room was dead silent.

"What."

"I don't have specifics, but the source is next to infallible." Naruto defended himself. "They're going to lead those rebels that everyone's been talking about lately. And by taking over Iwa, I do mean taking over. Not destroy. So… yeah. Bad news for everyone."

Roshi had known Onoki for nearly his entire life, but even he had never seen his friend so angry that he could see the veins on the top of his bald head start to stick out of his skin.

The Tsuchikage didn't yell though. Instead, he breathed in deep through his large nose. Held his breath, and exhaled slow and heavy. "… What do you think I'm looking at, and what do you bring to the table?"

It may have been a bit fast for most to keep up with, but Onoki adapted quickly. As much as he wanted to go after the kid now or say that his warning was nothing but bullshit, he couldn't. The kid made a rush delivery in person, to a Village that wanted nothing more than to kill him.

There were a hundred different and better ways Naruto could have gone through with this if he wanted to pull a fast one on Iwagakure, especially since he had already proven to be capable enough to sneak inside without being noticed. But instead he was here to give a warning and actually help them.

In a way, the realization that what Naruto said was true only made things worse.

Apparently, even Naruto could tell that it wouldn't be good to do anything to piss off the old man, even from a literal safe distance. "Since they're actually aiming to take over the place, I'm guessing that the entirety of Akatsuki is actually going to take part in this, including the hidden leader in the background. Add in the rebels, which you know more about than I do. That and, well, there's reason to believe that they recently came across the means to learn how to use Presence, so..."

"Presence?!" Roshi snapped. "How the flying hell did they learn how to use Presence?! That was supposed to be OUR secret boost, not theirs!"

"Ghost and I were followed back on our way here and things happened, ok?! I'm just as pissed as you are about it! One of the idiots that trailed us got snagged by Akatsuki, let some secrets out, and then Crypt killed her, but not before they killed Gai going after Fuu, so don't act as if I don't know the consequences of this shit!"

"Gai Mighto is dead? They went after the Nanabi? I thought she was in Konoha? No, how did they even know about her?" The Jinchuriki ignored Onoki's accusing glare, clearly saying that he would answer questions as soon as they were done. That was fine. The time for secrets had all but died by now.

"Something about some mess happening in Taki and them calling her back. I don't know. I wasn't told the whole damn story, and it doesn't matter now, does it?" Naruto grunted. "Look. If this was done by the official books, or unofficial for that matter, no one would be able to do anything on time. I just happened to have the right list of skills to haul my ass here before shit hit the fan without tipping off half the entire planet."

"Is it only you that's come here then? Because if it is, I'm starting to reconsider my options." For once, Onoki wasn't throwing insults and snide comments liberally. He was too angry for that.

Naruto didn't answer immediately. "… I might be here to help you. Or I might be here to simply mitigate damage. Letting you know of the attack was a mere courtesy, Tsuchikage."

Roshi's stomach fell. This, this wasn't the same little jackass he had traded insults and jokes with three years ago.

"You would be willing to allow an entire village to fall into Akatsuki's hands?" Onoki growled.

"You're asking me to be willing to potentially sacrifice myself for a village of trained killers that wants me dead for just being born." Naruto corrected him, his tone dead cold. "I dare you to say without lying that you honestly believe that the bulk of your people wouldn't try to finish the job, if I was left helpless after saving everyone living here."

The two old men couldn't say anything. The kid was right. It was incredibly stupid of him to stick his neck into things here.

"For all I know, I'd could be simply allowing one asshole that's content with disrupting the stability of the continent that's after my head off another." The blonde dryly went on. "Normally, I'm against sacrificing the innocent and being a generous annoying pain in the ass. However, normally, the people I'm trying to help don't have chronic backstabbing disorder and have a grudge against me for baseless reasons."

"What would it take for you to help protect Iwa from Akatuki then?" Onoki fumed. "It is my duty to serve my village by any means necessary."

"If you want my opinion? Iwa's already a lost cause." Naruto sighed. "If my guess is right, the entirety of the group is coming to take over. Including Pain, who has the Rinnegan, and is able to take on any Hidden Village by himself if he wanted to and render it a hole in the earth. And that's not including, oh, you know, the guy that is responsible for this whole mess in the first place."

Roshi stilled. His elderly heart skipped a beat. "The guy in the mask? He's moving already?"

"This is a make or break move Roshi. If Akatsuki fails here, all the hidden villages will be given permission to go all out on their asses without restraint or repercussions. They NEED to win this one. Power is more important than subtlety here. There's no reason why he wouldn't show. To be perfectly honest? The best move I can see you guys making is just hoarding all your valuable jutsu and most important shinobi, and Han, and getting the fuck out of here to seek refuge in one of the other villages and prepare. But, that's not going to happen."

"I'm glad you aren't that stupid brat, or I'd make sure to find and kill you before Akatsuki even gets close to my Village." Onoki's tone and facial expression had yet to change much, but if the now cracked class and accessories in the room from the Chakra pressure was any indication, the Tsuchikage did not take too well to the suggestion.

Abandon his people? His Village? Leave them to the mercy of a few upstarts simply because they happened to be stronger than the normal threat? Absolutely not. He didn't care if his reputation died a dog's death, but Iwa's would be tarnished for the rest of history if he did such an unthinkable thing. The rebels and Akatsuki's takeover would do nowhere near as much harm to the fragile morale of his people as his cowardly escape!

"Fine way to thank the person that's warning you of all this in the first place."

"I'd make it quick."

"That makes it so much better."

"Enough! Both of you!" Roshi snapped, the first to finally lose his patience. "Noki! The bastard has a point! We are outgunned, even with his help, and it has never been a secret that the villagers' hate for him is borderline retarded. We have to approach this from a different angle. Naruto. So help me brat, get to your damn point and be productive or I will help Akatsuki capture you when they get here!"

Onoki shot his old friend a murderous glare, but said nothing.

"Fine. Fine." Naruto, on the other hand, brushed the threat off. "You obviously won't run. I knew that from the start. You will fight. Likely to the death, which will make things worse for everyone in the end, but you will do it none the less for your pride. And all your people will watch as you fail, fighting gallantly against the invaders, and lose hope. And that is when Iwa will truly fall. In fact, Akatsuki is probably aiming for it. It will make taking over the village easier and faster. Which is bad for everyone. At best, you'll be able to take down two, maybe three of them before getting wiped out. If you're lucky. Brilliant strategy you two. Full marks."

The two old men nearly stormed out of the room right then and there.

"So, we just have to make sure that that scenario does not happen, but at the same time, make sure that your idiot charges don't all go off to kill themselves because they think they are invincible in their own home. Otherwise, Pain really might turn the place into a hole in the ground to prevent you from teaming up with the other villages."

The two stilled. It was overly simple, but it made sense. Scarily so. "… And how do you plan on going through with that?"

If Naruto was in the room, they would have been able to see him smirk deviously. "We make them hurt to get their prize. A pyrrhic victory. Get them in such shit shape by the end of it all that it will take them forever to realize that it's not worth holding onto the village. First thing to do is pull a few heads out of a few asses. Yours included."

o. o. o.

"So. You're Shadow's new student."

Shikamaru lazily opened his eyes and looked at the silver haired woman that was standing by the stall that he and Kiba were eating at. "And you're the woman that she's been bugging me nonstop to help her kill since I got back."

If his statement was intended to put her off, it failed miserably as she held out her hand. "Sylvia."

The teen looked at her warily.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be so paranoid. I'm not like some of those other idiots that troll anyone and everyone that gives them the right time of day. Besides, if I so much as sneezed on you I'd have the entire Family on my ass faster than it would take for you to realize I did it in the first place. And that's if Shadow leaves anything of me left for them to take it out on."

The woman and Shikamaru pretended to ignore the countless eyes, tentacles, and fangs that seemed to be manifesting in the darkness that lurked in every crevice and shadow in the building, including under the table.

Kiba, thankfully, was merely aware that something incredibly terrifying was nearby. Which was probably Shadow. Who he is already used to being terrified of, hence why he didn't react.

"Fine. Shikamaru." The Nara shook Sylvia's hand.

"Kiba." Kiba spoke up, causing the two to look at him as if they noticed he was there for the first time. "You know. In case either of you remember that I exist."

Sylvia stared at him for a few seconds curiously. "… You spent most of your time training under Waltz when you were with the Family, didn't you?"

The twitch in Kiba's eyebrow answered for him.

"Give him a break. He's been stuck in the village while the rest of us have been on missions or progressively getting more insane. He's getting lonely. His dog, Akamaru, can only do so much." Shikamaru sighed, brushing off his friend's annoyance.

"Not my fault I've been shadowing mom all over town in case I take over the damn clan for the past three months." The Inuzuka grumbled. While Hana was still without a doubt stronger than him, the fact that she was in a romantic relationship with the head of another clan had put pressure to have lessons on Clan business, social etiquette, and other important tasks. While it wasn't all new material for him, what with Hinata being his teammate, it was rather long, dull and arduous for the normally proud teenager.

Double so for Akamaru, who had been being personally trained by Kuromaru to speak human tongue.

"So, are you hungry or something? I'm not paying for you if you're joining us." Shikamaru ignored his friend's sulking.

"No. I'm good for now. I just wanted to see you in person. I heard Dima nearly had a heart attack when he saw you with her for the first time." Sylvia snickered.

"That old bald guy that was sparkling for some reason? Yeah, that's a good way to put it." The man had blocked the entrance way to the council room, just staring at him that morning. Shock was a minor way to describe how dumbstruck he was.

"He used to be a bishounen." Syl gossiped. "Shadow doesn't recognize him anymore unless he's sparkling at least as much as when they first met."

"That doesn't surprise me in the slightest. Must piss the old guy off something fierce." The Nara deadpanned, leaning back in his seat. He reached for his glass of water and brought it to his lips. "… You were a good friend of hers once, weren't you? An old one at that. She was the person you were closest to out of all of them."

"Hm. How funny. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought you were Scab's student." The woman crossed her arms and looked amused.

It passed off as casual to anyone that didn't know better. But the slightly stronger than natural grip she had on her forearms said otherwise.

"You're not the first to say that." Kiba shrugged. "Most people find it hard to believe that anyone can tolerate being around her for long periods of time. She doesn't exactly make it easy you know."

The easy-going smile on Sylvia's face waned slightly. "No, I suppose you have a point there. She's always been a bit opinionated when she was certain of something. Guess that's what happens when you grow up with so many brothers. I've only had to deal with one."

"Reminds me of our mothers. Slow to change and quick to anger." Shikamaru glanced at Kiba briefly.

"I suddenly developed a desire to want no part of this conversation." Kiba retreated, looking around warily. The speed of gossip was legendary in the village, and for some bloody reason, his mother was part of the system.

"Excuse me. I have the order for this table." Everyone turned to look at a woman in the restaurant uniform with several dishes on hand.

"Oh. My apologies." Sylvia moved out of the way so the waitress could do her job. "I suppose that's all for now. It was nice to me you two. Shikamaru. Kiba. I'll leave you two to your meals."

It was as she was walking down the hallway that the woman's voice echoed in Shikamaru's ears. He was already certain that no one else in the building had heard it.

"I don't know how you did it boy, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you."

"… Troublesome." Shaking his head, Shikamaru never took his eyes off of the meats and vegetables that were now in front of him. Instead of replying, he began to put them on the grill much like Kiba was doing.

He completely ignored the stagnant, tempered, eyeless, and fangless, darkness that had occupied the building just a few moments earlier.

o. o. o.

Kurotsuchi sighed as she entered the gathering area. It was a hidden cave where all the elite and prominent Jonin and ANBU of Iwa traveled to whenever there was a big meeting. She shook her head to rid herself of some of the water that had pounded her on the way there. It had been almost an hour since the emergency message telling them all to gather had been sent. Most villages had birds as their subtle signs, but Iwa did things differently. Important messages were sent via pulses sent through the ground below, and being over an hour late, regardless of where you were in the village, was not looked well upon.

The storm that was hammering the village was massive. Not the worst she had ever experienced, but definitely up there, and would probably be pounding the area all night long. Many of the meteorologists were caught off guard by its sudden appearance too. Then again, no one ever had absolute trust in weathermen to begin with. They could only look out so far before what they did was guesswork.

"Hey." A Jonin she had occasionally worked with greeted her. Judging from how wet he was, he got in a few minutes before she did. "Glad to see you made it. Any idea what this is about?"

"I was sleeping." She bluntly retorted. She had been working day and night to maintain order in the village since martial law was still in effect. She didn't know what was worse. Fighting enemy shinobi, or dealing with civilians and weaklings acting like children and thinking that they knew how to deal with the situation in a way that wouldn't kill them all. "The old man has been tight lipped about nearly everything since… well, you know. This is the most I'm going to hear him talk since."

"Pity. Guess we're both going in blind then." He sighed and walked down the hallway where the meeting was being held.

It was a pretty big room. Tatami mats strewn across the floor, but the walls and ceiling for the most part polished marble stone adorned with accessories. A mix of modern appearances with Iwa's culture and pride. Not even the mightiest and wealthiest of nobles would be able to own flawless surroundings like this without serious investment.

All in all, there were about four to two hundred men and women inside. The best of the best. The Elite. The people that everyone in Iwa answered to. All A and S ranked warriors. Loyal, or supposedly loyal, to an absolute fault.

And in front of them all floated Onoki with his arms crossed and an angry scowl on his face.

"Oh shit." She said the words that were on everyone's minds. Something had happened and clearly it had pushed the old man to the limit.

His eyes briefly met hers, and then turned away with a brief gesture. To anyone else, it may have come across as a snub, but to her it was a command as clear as day to stand at his side.

Moments later she had taken her place without a word or request for permission.

"This everyone?" Roshi asked from Onoki's other side.

"Mostly. The few that aren't present here are either on tasks that require constant supervision, outside the village, or are soon to be demoted." Kurotsuchi's eyes widened at the statement. Rarely had she ever heard him talk so viciously about his own men. In fact, the only time he had ever done so was when he was dissuading her on her goal on going after Namikaze.

"Should we wait a bit longer then, or…"

"No. This will do." Onoki closed his eyes and elevated himself another two feet up in the air, back straight and hands patiently behind his back.

What little whispering there was in the room died instantly. All eyes were on the ruler of Iwagakure.

"I have led this village through two Shinobi Wars. I have trained, assigned missions, and buried men, women, and children for over fifty years. I have fought. I have won. And I have lost." His voice was as cold as the stone that surrounded him, but steady as the mountains that hid the village. "I am aware, believe it or not, that I am old. I cannot keep this up forever. However, as the longest living and ruling Kage, I am also aware of what this village NEEDS, as opposed to what the people simply want. I am alive because I have, and still use, my damn head, despite how addled many of you lot think it is by now."

He opened his eyes and stared down his followers. "I am a tiny and frail old man. And I am still able to murder each and every one of you in a single go before you'd be able to save yourselves if it meant saving the village."

Several of the jonin swallowed heavily as their Kage glared at them. His killing intent weighed heavily, as though the room had collapsed on their shoulders.

"What happened was a disgrace to us, but that is not why I called you. The village tore itself apart because of Deidara and a single man that didn't want anything to do with us in the first place, but that is not why you are here either."

The old man's murderous intent rose significantly. It was blatantly clear that he was not in the mood for bullshit right now. "You stay quiet. You will listen. You will prove yourselves to be more than impulsive children. And you will decide the future of our village. Do I make myself clear?"

"SIR!" Each person in the room snapped to attention and replied as one. Their confusion didn't matter. Their village was at stake, and their leader was serious.

Onoki didn't seem to be impressed or put out by their reaction. He merely held their attention with dead grave eyes for what seemed like an entire minute before finally breaking the silence. "If you do something stupid and embarrass me boy, war or not, I will kill you."

"My my. That's a hard thing to do, Tsuchikage-sama. You made yourself a tough act to follow."

A voice that was not recognizable to anyone echoed through the room without a source. Many were dumbfounded as to who would be so stupid and suicidal enough to address their leader in such a casual tone.

"Stop playing games. You're the one that said that time was of the essence." Onoki was clearly losing his patience.

"Have it your way." As he spoke, a blonde teenager in a short sleeved black sweater faded into existence, floating cross legged and cross armed right next to the Tsuchikage himself. Unlike everyone else there, he was clearly amused if the dark fanged grin was anything to go by.

"… Namikaze." Someone whispered, clearly recognizing Naruto. Despite the fact that the most recent pictures of him available to the public were from three years ago, he was easy to recognize. It helped that his clothes had not changed much since then.

"Sup." The blonde rose a hand in casual greetings. His grin widened even more, but his eyes told everyone there that he was not talking them lightly.

Blue and slit like a fox's, he gazed up and down the room, making eye contact with everyone there, almost daring them to try to do something stupid.

Despite several moving in pure reflex, reaching for weapons and preparing to move, not a single Jonin in the room went further than that. Not a single one of them disobeyed the Tsuchikage's orders.

Ten seconds. Twenty.

… Thirty seconds of absolute silence. A room of veterans and killers staring down a lone teen that was not cowed by their eyes. If anything, he only grew more amused as time went on.

Naruto's grin widened. "Well what do you know? They actually listened to you, old man. I'm impressed. Guess all the ones that were actual idiots already bailed out on you."

Several veterans in the room would have broken their silence in response to that blatant insult if a wave of pure killing intent didn't strike them dumb.

"Boy. Test my patience anymore and you won't have to worry about my men attacking you." Onoki growled. To many in the room, that was the first time they had ever heard their leader issue out a genuine death threat to anyone, and even though they weren't the subject of said threat, they could feel it all the same.

Even more astonishing though, was that the young fool didn't seem to be affected by it in the slightest.

"Hai. Hai. I'll get back on track. Calm down already." Naruto chided his host with an indifferent wave before turning his attention back to his audience. "So then. Ladies and Gentlemen. Here I am. Naruto Uzumaki. Give or take Namikaze. By myself. Right next to your leader. In front of the elite of the elite of Iwagakure. Son of the Fourth Hokage. I'm not arrested. I'm not captured. I haven't killed anyone from the village since that stunt with Han several years ago. I'm not here to issue any threats or political messages. And I'm not here as some stupid war declaration. So. With all that out of the way, through process of elimination…"

His smile dropped and his gaze turned ice cold.

"… How bad do you think the news is?"

Within the following ten seconds, the vast majority of faces there slowly molded themselves from confused and enraged, to alarmed or eerily blank and stern.

Naruto's dead even voice echoed throughout the room. "Good. I'm not working with idiots that can't prioritize for shit after all. Now that the pleasantries are over, we can start the debriefing. Ladies and Gentlemen. I have it on good information that within the next two weeks, your village will be beset upon by a combined force, consisting of the group that is comprised of those unsatisfied by your Tsuchikage, and what I believe is the entirety of the mercenary group Akatsuki, which total of at least ten S ranked Missing Nin and criminals."

The blonde closed his eyes and breathed out slow. "If any of you believe that your village can handle such an assault without aid, then I must dissuade you from that premise. I'll do it with these two pieces of information that I have yet to tell the Tsuchikage. The first is that the current leader of Akatsuki possesses the Rinnegan. It is not a myth. It is not a legend. It is real, and the user can and is very much capable of using it to turn a Hidden Village into little more than a giant crater. I have seen its power first hand and I assure you, I am not stretching the truth by any margin."

"The Rinnegan's real." Roshi spoke up. "The Yonbi was there when the Sage of the Six Paths used it. Same with the Kyubi. Even the Biju don't joke about something like that. If anything, the stories have watered down what the user can do. If the Biju say it's around, it's around."

"Then how do we fight him if he's so powerful?" Onoki sternly asked, miffed that he was not informed of the Rinnegan before.

Naruto crossed his arms and sighed. "He's difficult to say the least. I will be distributing information about him and the other members of Akatsuki later in the meeting. However, Pain, the Leader, in particular would take too long to go over now. I will say though, that I am particularly well suited to fight against him. I possess certain… traits. Ones that give me an advantage over him that not even he is aware of, and I will keep them close to my chest until then. Even so, he is an extremely dangerous opponent that you should avoid if possible. You in particular would not fare well against him, Tsuchikage. Your Dust Release techniques are a bad matchup against his jutsu."

"I'll be the judge of that when you finally get to describing his abilities, boy." Onoki grunted, not liking the idea of anyone or anything being able to trump his techniques so easily. "What is the second thing that you are so sure will make us question our abilities to defend ourselves?"

The blonde smirked and shook his head before looking at everyone in the room. "This is a make or break move for Akatsuki. For its members. For its leader. And for the guy behind the curtain. You guys hate my old man, right? Well then, what would you do if you were put up against the guy that killed him?"

The room was dead silent. All eyes were on Naruto in disbelief.

"I thought Namikaze died dealing with the Kyubi." Onoki shot a dangerous look at the blonde before sending another Roshi's way.

"The sentimental fool may have sacrificed his life to seal me away in the brat, but make no mistake, it was that infuriating sack of meat that set those events into motion in the first place." Like a demonic crimson spirit, the Kyubi materialized in his miniature form and floated above the shoulder of his host. "He assaulted my previous container as she gave birth to this fool, and covered a two-minute old whelp in explosives to separate parents so he could rip me out and control me with that infernal Sharingan. Then, he fought the Fourth on even footing while I ravaged the Village more than long enough to carve my image into the hearts of every weakling there, and THEN stole half my power as he sealed me into the brat. Make no mistake, humans of the Mountains. The Uchiha responsible for the demise of your boogeyman is not your ally in the slightest. He is here for your village. He is here for my kin, the Biju. He will use you to collect my brethren regardless of the casualties. And then he will foolishly awaken something that he will have no hope of controlling… and should all that come to pass, make no mistake, humanity will fall as easily as the rest of the world."

It was hard to tell what was responsible for the dead silence in the room. The cloying and suffocating aura that the Kyubi was flooding the room with, even in his reduced state, or the story that he was tell them all.

"Yeah. That, pretty much sums up what the situation." Naruto chuckled darkly. "So, whose side are you on? The insane kid from Konoha that happens to be the son of the Fourth Hokage? Or the prick that turned against his home village and wants to plunge the land in fire and chaos?"

Dumbstruck was the universal expression. Whether it was due to Kurama's appearance, or the story that was told, it was blatantly clear that many assumptions had been shattered within the span of but a few seconds.

"… I… I'm on Iwa's side."

Intentionally or not, all eyes turned to Kurotsuchi, who had broken the silence.

"I don't care about you. I don't care about Namikaze. Or the Uchiha. Or the biju." Her confidence growing. "I used to, but wasting my life venting on a jackass like you is embarrassing just thinking about it."

"Trust me. That's far from the first time someone's said that about the idiot." Kurama sent a deadpanned stare at his host.

"And people say that acting like an immature jackass has no benefits."

"My point is, that I have better things to do with my life." She stressed her point. "And protecting my home is one of them. Regardless the costs or who I have to work with."

Several shinobi there nodded with her, agreeing wholeheartedly.

The fox lazily looked at them, then at Naruto, then at the crowd again. "You have no idea how fortunate you are that nearly every plan we've come up with so far involves this calamity fighting outside the village. Otherwise you'd probably kill him just to avoid the collateral damage."

"Like you can do any better."

"I'm literally bigger than most mountains. What's your excuse?"

"I'm fate's butt monkey whenever Zabuza or Kiba aren't around or relevant. Things just explode whenever I'm around."

o. o. o.

In two different parts of the elemental nations, two specific shinobi sneezed at the same time. One into a pile of flea powder that he was just about to rub onto his partner.

The other… well he wasn't doing anything specific really, but he did get a good load of snot smeared on the inside of the wrappings he used to cover his face. It took him a good twenty minutes to clean it all out.

o. o. o.

"I'd appreciate it if you two would not talk so carelessly about the security and integrity of my Village in front of my forces." Onoki warned.

"I'm a Biju. The Kyubi at that. There is no such thing as security and integrity when I'm around." Kurama deadpanned.

Seeing Onoki's veins begin to bulge, Naruto grabbed the fox by the head. "While that might be true, I believe that you've had your say to all the boys and girls for now Kurama. I'll just, put you back inside for now…"

And like that, the blonde crushed the fox's skull with his bare hand, causing the entire body to burst into a cloud of crimson chakra that faded like gas.

Everyone had to pause and blink at the display.

"Did… did you really just crush his head like that?" Roshi blinked. "Goku's told me stories about his temper. I can't imagine him being happy about it."

"He's never happy." Naruto waved aside the concern. "He's a sore looser when it comes to most things actually. Only time he is moderately pleased is when he gets to nap outside, kill idiots for exercise, and eat fresh boooodddd prey. Eat fresh prey. That's totally what I said, and nothing else."

"We get it. He eats people. It's not particularly surprising or shocking news." Roshi face palmed and shook his head. "Goku's done it too. Hell, we have a clan of Bee users that have jutsu that can core out people and turn them into living hives trapped in their own flesh."

Five people in the room gave the old man mixed reactions from his statement. Naruto made note of them instantly as said Bee users.

"Ok, first, ew. Second, for the sake of avoiding bad publicity, I stick to my original statement."

"Bad publicity? Kid, your reputation is already a piece of work to begin with." Roshi had no idea where Naruto was going with this.

"I meant the Bijus'." The blonde rolled his eyes, much to everyone's surprise. "How many people know that they are sentient instead of mindless rampaging beasts? Or that they only became so violent because humanity has a habit of fucking things up for everyone and nature, and the effect bleeds into them?"

"What?" Onoki was genuinely caught off guard by Naruto's revelation, much like most of the people there.

Naruto nodded. "Yeah. That corrupting effect that Biju chakra has? It's one of two things. Either it's overexposure to high density high quality chakra in general, or, it's twisted chakra from spiritual pollution that Humanity has flooded the world over the past thousand years or so. The Biju are products of the planet itself. Guardians at their base level. But with the constant fighting and blood and twisting of chakra around the world over time, they adapted to that hate and became feral. In a nutshell, they're a representation of humanity's nature itself, which is horrifying if you think about it. You could say that almost every major Biju attack on a civilization was simply humanity's Karma coming back around. Most jinchuriki go insane because the rage that drives biju mad is human in nature mixed with overwhelming natural instincts."

"So how are you not insane then?" Kurotsuchi asked. "The Kyubi is the most powerful of all the biju, so its corruption must be the highest."

"Actually, the Ichibi's was the highest, but that was because Shukaku was doing something funny with his chakra and… you know what, doesn't matter. Bottom line? It doesn't matter. Humanity is full of and led by idiots. Back to the main reason why I'm here. Akatsuki's attacking soon for the Biju to awaken an old eldritch abomination that can wipe out humanity. Why? Because those idiots think they can control it when they REALLY can't. And I'm being a generous idiot that's helping you and expecting not to get stabbed in the back in the process. Any questions?"

While there were more than a few people there that had things on their minds, most turned to Onoki.

The Tsuchikage maintained his clearly unamused grimace as he stared down the floating teen. "What are your intentions for my Village?"

"To not have it get taken over by Akatsuki. Preferably with minimal damage and lives lost. And them not getting a hold of Han or Roshi. After that, go home and pray to log that the old hag doesn't murder me on arrival." The blonde shrugged. Optimistic, but it was what he was there for.

"Even after what Han did to you and your comrades?"

"Last I heard he was still stuck in jail. Him being there is better than the Gobi being taken." He reasoned.

"And if he attempts to go after you again?" Onoki pressed.

Naruto smiled peacefully. It was the sort of serene look that most experienced shinobi had whenever they were hiding something incredibly incriminating or dangerous. "I'd like to assume that I have improved a bit in my three years of training."

It was difficult to admit, but Naruto did manage to beat Han blow for blow back when he was only thirteen. Now, three years later, and well into the throws of puberty, he should have improved in every way possible. As much as they didn't want to admit it, the kid was probably almost as strong as the Tsuchikage.

"Do…" Someone from the crowd spoke up. "Do you know the Hiraishin?"

That in itself was a loaded question. Yes or no. Either one spoke volumes about the boy's ability and…

"Nope." The blonde answered without shame. "Tried to. Can't. Timespace techniques that need fine control hate me. It requires a natural finesse that I don't have. Terrible things happen when I try. Insert series of hard to believe stories that are true here. Sorry, but I can't pop up anywhere and everywhere at a given time."

There were mixed reactions. Some breathed out a sigh of relief while others grunted in disappointment.

"Best I can do is spam a few thousand shadow clones to support everyone from the back with destructive jutsu and be everywhere at once." He gave them all a foxy grin.

"… What." More than one person asked flatly.

"Kyubi Jinchuriki. Remember? My reserves are stupidly deep as a base." He continued to play innocent. "I can make shadow clones for days."

Good Log. To think. He's stunning all these people silent with the first real accomplishment, jutsu wise, he had ever managed to scrounge up in his two lives. Not including his physical transformations at least.

And considering how poorly the "spam shadow clones" tactic had served him all that time…

Either something is really wrong with the world… or he sucked so horribly in his past life that the best he could do with making dozens of clones at a time was to use them as an obvious distraction because they couldn't fight for shit.

He didn't want to dwell on either one too much. He'd cry in depression regardless of which one he thought was the truth.

Everyone there just stared at him.

"… You're the salt of the earth Naruto." Roshi accused.

"Nah. Earth is your thing." Naruto waved lazily, his eyes turning predatory and vicious. "I'm the Wrath of Heaven."

"You're over hyping yourself, don't you think?" Kurotsuchi crossed her arms.

The blonde blinked lazily before pointing up to the ceiling.

Or rather, to the storm that was still assaulting the Village.

It took everyone a few moments to realize what he was referring to before someone in the crowd broke the silence. "… Oh you have got to be kidding…"

o. o. o.

A/N:

Thanks Kagaseo for betaing.

Not sure how I feel about this chapter to be honest. It feels a bit rushed, and dry, yet at the same time, I've probably covered more ground plot wise than in the past three chapters.

So. Things are finally starting to move. The big boys are getting into place. Shit's gonna go down. Tensions are high. And each side has at least one individual on hand that has an unnatural affinity for explosions.

Why do I feel like playing borderlands all of a sudden?

To be personally frank though, I am somewhat let down that the latest chapters haven't been received as well as normal, review count wise at least. I know it sounds like I'm being greedy, but when the count is almost half of what the normal amount is, it kinda gets to you as a writer.

I don't know. Maybe this story's just too damn long and people have lost interest in it. It happens. I just didn't expect for so many to give up at once. Even I admit that it's stretched on for way longer than I anticipated. Probably why things are moving so quickly now as opposed to normal.

On a side note, glad people are enjoying my other fic that I'm doing on the side: Go Away, I'm Watching Porn. I don't expect it to be a massive blockbuster like this and FFD, but it's good that people enjoy it.

Work's picking up. I expect to be a crying and foaming at the mouth mess by this time next week. I've been put in charge of testing some cars that are still in the designing phase and well… engineering and design is far more complex a process than most people think. I barely have the patience to watch mecha anime anymore because half the time I keep on a. being reminded of work, and b. having to resist the urge to yell at my screen saying "it doesn't work like that!" and "there is no way a team that size should be able to repair/upgrade something that large so quickly and properly flash the software on time!".

… It's an engineering thing.

Oh… and on a side note… it should NOT be this nice outside in February in Detroit. Seriously, the past few days made everyone think it was fucking May. I don't care if it's nice and warm, that shit is NOT NORMAL people.

Anyways. Things are finally picking up in this story for the MC, and you're finally going to see what he's like when he goes all out on people he doesn't like in the next few months… and then some. Heheheh.

And… that's about it. Not in much of a mindless rant mood these days.

SO REVIEW! WORSHIP THE LOG! GHOST SPENT A LARGE AMOUNT OF TIME IN SMOKING BUSHES THIS CHAPTER! AND REVIEW AGAIN!