"You are such a bitch Tsunade!" Jiraiya shouted as he stormed into her office with a look of pure rage plastered on his face. He couldn't believe that she could have kept such a big secret from him for so many years. Anger was the only thing on his mind as he stood before her, demanding explanations for her blatant disrespect.

"Excuse me?" Tsunade said in confusion as she diverted her attention from her paperwork to the infuriated man who stood before her, "Who the hell do you think you are barging into my office and speaking to me in that manner?!"

"You were pregnant?!" He shouted, still not believing that she once carried his baby in her womb, "Pregnant with my baby?!"

Tsunade looked as if she were a deer caught in headlights. How did he find out? What was she actually going to say to him now? He was too angry to possibly understand her reasoning. This was bad, and there was nothing she could do or say to mend the damage that was done once she decided to withhold the secret of her pregnancy.

"Well say something!" He demanded, not wanting to wait another moment for her to put her words together.

"Who told you?" She asked in a small, frail voice.

"Orochimaru." He spat, "I can't believe that I had to hear something so important from that bastard. How could you not have told me?!"

Her heart was pounding so fast, that she felt as if it would beat right out of her chest, and she would collapse. She knew that eventually she would have to tell him, but she didn't think he would discover her secret from Orochimaru. She could tell that he would never forgive her now.

"I wanted to tell you." She said and looked up at him with nothing but regret written on her face, "Believe me I did, but I couldn't."

"What do you mean you couldn't? That was my baby and I deserved to know about it."

"Him." She pressed, hating the fact that he called her son 'it', "Our child was a boy."

He was taken back for a moment after hearing that he would have been a father to a boy, but then rage took over again, "I just don't understand how you held this from me for eighteen damn years. Do you hate me that much that you couldn't just tell me?"

"I don't hate you. That's exactly why I just couldn't tell you."

"You're making absolutely no sense Tsunade." He said coldly, "Do explain."

She took a deep sigh before she went down memory lane. The past held so many painful moments, and now she had to relive them to tell Jiraiya the truth, "When I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared." She started, "I didn't know what I was going to do. At that time I was broke so I had no clue how I was going to be able to provide for the baby. Furthermore, I didn't know if you wanted to be involved or not. Ultimately I decided to go through with it, and when I went to get my ultrasound, they told me that my baby, our son died. I had a miscarriage. I felt as if my world was coming to an end, and the only thing that kept me going was Shizune. Believe it or not, I wanted you to be there with me, to mourn with me, and tell me that everything g would be alright. I was going to tell you, believe me I was. But then I thought to myself, why would I tell you about my miscarriage only to make you feel bad about it? I didn't want to hurt you again, I was so sick of hurting you, so I kept it to myself for this long. I'm sorry."

Jiraiya just looked at her with disgust, and she could understand why. She felt horrible, "There's never a day that goes by that I don't think about what he could have looked like. Would he have looked like you, like me, or a combination of both of us. I guess I'll never know." She said softly while looking at the ground, too ashamed to look him in the eye, "I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but at least try to understand my reasoning for not telling you."

"I can't do that." He started, "If you had any respect for me you would have told me regardless of the outcome, but instead I had to hear it from Orochimaru."

"Okay I get it!" She shouted, feeling emotionally drained from this encounter, "I understand that I should have told you. It was your baby and you had the right to know. I'm sorry okay. Now you can hate me for the rest of your life."

She stormed out of her office feeling like a terrible person. If only she told him instead of keeping the reality of her miscarriage bottled up inside of her, perhaps she wouldn't feel so horrible. She walked passed all her guards and assistants who were asking her where she was headed until she arrived at her living quarters. She locked the door, and slumped down to the ground as if she had no life in her body. From there, she buried her face in her hands and allowed the tears to fall freely from her hazel eyes.

It was as if he were frozen. Jiraiya was still standing in the Hokage's office replaying everything that was said in his mind like a broken record. He was angry, so very angry, and a part of him wished that Tsunade did not storm out of the room just so he could stand there and tell her what a horrible person she was for keeping such a life changing secret from him. He could have been a father to a son. A son. If only he could have known.

Shizune walked into the office carrying a tray of a cup of tea and three scones, obviously for Tsunade, "Lady Tsuna-" she started, but then realized that her Master's desk was unoccupied, and Jiraiya was in the room with an expression of rage on his face, "Oh, Master Jiraiya. Um, where's Lady Tsunade?"

"Who the hell cares where she is?" He snapped, "I certainly don't care where that bitch is."

"I beg your pardon. Master Jiraiya, you're standing in her office and saying such things about her. Have some respect for her."

"Why should I?" He asked, "She has no respect for me. She never did."

"What are you talking about?" She asked, having no clue what the Sannin was referring to, or why he appeared to be so angry with Tsunade.

"You knew all along didn't you." He said.

"Knew what? Master Jiraiya, you aren't being clear."

"You knew about my dead baby, don't deny it. That time when you asked Tsunade when she was going to tell me, you were referring to that weren't you."

Now it was all clear to the young woman. Somehow Jiraiya found out about the miscarriage and was clearly upset about it. That's understandable, but did Tsunade finally come out and tell him, or did he find out by other means? And where did the blonde run off to?

"Of course I knew." She said, "But as I said before, it wasn't in my place to tell you." She pressed, "I know that you're angry, but please have some sympathy for Lady Tsunade. You had no idea what she went through when she lost that child."

"I find it difficult to have even a speck of sympathy for her when she clearly has no regard for my feelings!" He shouted.

"Why are you raising your voice at me when I have nothing to do with your anger?!" She shouted, defending herself, "She has too much regard for your feelings, that's why she didn't tell you."

"That's a load of bullshit." He snapped and walked out of the office.

Shizune shook her had in disgust as she placed the tray on Tsunade's desk. She could understand why he was angry, but his rage was clouding his reasoning skills. That's why he couldn't understand that Tsunade was only trying to protect him from sadness. She carried the weight of the sorrow of losing a child all by herself, just so he wouldn't get hurt again. Shizune knew that he deserved to know, and that Tsunade should have informed him sooner, but she also knew how hard it was for her mentor to do that.

She had to find Tsunade, for she knew that wherever she was, she was going through a difficult time. She exited the office, and went to the first place that she thought Tsunade would go to.

The Hokage living quarters was the only place Tsunade could go to to get absolute privacy, that's why Shizune decided to go there first. She approached the door, and when she reached to turn the handle, the door was locked, and she forgot her key in Tsunade's office. However, through the door, she heard sobbing. She remembered hearing those sobs when she was a little six year old orphan staying in a kind lady's guest room, when she woke up in a grassy field only to see that kind lady crying again from a torn heart, and when that kind lady lost her baby.

"Lady Tsunade?" She said after knocking gently on the door, "It's me. I know you're in there."

Shizune received no answer, she just continued listening to the sobs, "I'm here for you Lady Tsunade. Please let me in."

After a few moments, the door opened and revealed Tsunade standing there, trying to hold in her tears. Without a word, Shizune wrapped her arms around her mentor.

"Orochimaru told him." Tsunade said.

Shizune was shocked that the snake Sannin informed Jiraiya of the miscarriage, but she chose not to say anything in the matter. She just continued to comfort Tsunade.

"What kind of person am I Shizune?" Tsunade said through her tears.

"You're a good person, that's why you couldn't tell him."

Jiraiya needed to cool off. His rage got the better of him, and caused him to lash out on Shizune, who should not have been shouted at, for she did nothing wrong. He avoided conversation with anyone who tried to speak to him, and went to the lake in the village, a place of true tranquility.

He took deep, calming breaths, and tried to properly analyze the situation at hand now that he was calmer than he was before. Tsunade said that she couldn't tell him about their son simply because she didn't wish to inflict more pain upon his life. She did hurt him multiple times in her life, and her refusal to hurt him again showed that she was indeed remorseful for all those times she verbally and physically abused him. He appreciated that, and started to think that she actually cared about his emotional well being.

His mind then wondered to the fact that he was supposed to be a father to a son. He never thought about having children before, but he found himself wondering what it would have been like if he actually had the chance to raise his son. He would have taught him so many things, like his rasengan, how to ride a bike, and how to be a good man. In fact, if Tsunade came to him and told him about the baby, he would have without a doubt in the world, devote his life to taking care of that child the best way he could. No child deserved to be fatherless, and his child would not have been without a father.

What would his life have been like if he knew about the baby, and if the baby survived? Would they have returned to the village and raised their child to be a ninja, or would they have remained outside of the village, and work like a civilian to provide for their son? And what about his relationship with Tsunade? Would he have married her and vowed to love her for the rest of his life just because they had a child together? Would that have been the right thing to do despite all the times she walked out on him? That child would have changed his life dramatically, but he could not truthfully say that he would have hated that different life. A piece of him would have remained on earth after he perished, and he found himself smiling at that thought.

His baby died long before Jiraiya ever knew about his existence, so he could not find it within himself to shed tears for the perished little one. However, he still felt sad that he did not get a chance to live in this life. Jiraiya did not have that connection to the child like Tsunade, and he found himself craving that connection. Who wouldn't want to feel a connection to their child whether he was dead or alive? Perhaps he would never get that connection. He found a small, blue flower, nestled in the grass by the lake, and decided to pick it up and allow it to float in the lake. He would never forget about his son. Even though he felt no physical connection to the child, he was still apart of him, and because of that, Jiraiya would spend the day in silence, mourning the little baby who wasn't lucky enough to get the chance to live.

Shizune made Tsunade a cup of soothing chamomile tea. She managed to get her master to stop crying, now it was time to sit her down and actually talk about the events that unfolded earlier.

"Here's your tea." Shizune said as she handed Tsunade the cup, "Careful, it's hot."

"Thanks Shizune." Tsunade said and took a sip of the tea, "I should probably be getting back to work."

"Not yet." Shizune shook her head, "First we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." Tsunade sighed, "I'm a horrible person, and Jiraiya hates me." She got up from her sitting position and walked over to the window sill to overlook the village, "I completely understand why he wouldn't want to speak to m ever again."

"I think you should have told him earlier, but I know that your intentions were good." Shizune said, "As the father of your child, he had a right to know, but you just wanted to protect him. Don't feel like you're a horrible person Lady Tsunade, because you aren't."

"Then why do I feel like I'm a bad person?" She sighed and walked out of the house to go back to her office.

On her way to her office, Koharu approached her with her usual miserable look plastered on her face.

Tsunade sighed upon seeing the old woman, "Not now Koharu." She didn't want to have to deal with the woman and whatever it was she had to say. All she wanted to do was finish her work for the day, and crawl into her bed, shutting out the entire world.

"We need to talk."

"What do we need to talk about that's so urgent that it can't wait until tomorrow... Or never?" She pushed open her door and nearly collapsed when she saw Jiraiya standing there with folded arms in the company of Homura, "What's this about Koharu?" She asked as she directed her attention to the old lady.

"Whatever became of the Sasuke retrieval act that you sent Jiraiya on?" She asked, "We never heard back from you and Jiraiya never filed a report on his obviously failed mission. What happened."

Tsunade looked at Jiraiya, suddenly remembering that she sent him on a very important mission. She never knew what became of it since instead of telling her about his mission, Jiraiya lashed out on her for not telling him about her miscarriage, "I, I don't know." She confessed to Koharu.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Homura asked in confusion, "You're the Hokage."

"Jiraiya never informed me of what became of that mission."

"And you didn't seek him out? How irresponsible." Koharu said in a condescending tone, "And you Jiraiya, not reporting your mission is a serious offense that should not be taken lightly. You will have to be charged."

"No need for that." Tsunade interjected, "A day hasn't passed since he returned. He'll tell me about it now. It's not a big deal."

"But-"

"Just leave." She said in a raised voice, "Both of you, go."

"He better have a good reason for letting Orochimaru get away with Sasuke again." Koharu grumbled before leaving the room with Homura.

Tsunade and Jiraiya were now left alone in the room. She took a deep breath and tried to conduct herself in a professional manner. She walked passed him without making eye contact, and sat at her desk, then pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen.

"Go ahead. Tell me what happened." She said, finally looking up at him.

"As you know, I found Orochimaru and asked him where the boy was. He refused to tell me, but instead informed me that you were pregnant with my child, but had a miscarriage." He started, "I felt as if someone dropped a bomb on me. I couldn't move, I couldn't think, at least not about anything else other than what he told me. He got away."

"You expect me to write that down so that the elders can see?" She asked, "You really want them to know what happened between us?"

"So what are you asking me to do? Lie? I'm sorry Tsunade I'm not like you."

"I didn't lie to you!" She shouted, feeling her blood boil.

"Well you didn't tell me the truth either!"

"Look, we are not going to talk about this again." She said, "I'll just tell them that he threw a smoke bomb on the ground and managed to escape." She said as she wrote down that lie on her sheet of paper and sealed it with the stamp of the Hokage.

"Why didn't you want them to know? Ashamed for them to know that we were going to have a baby together? Do I repulse you that much?"

"I just don't want them in my personal business." She said quickly, "I take full responsibility for the failure of your mission. If I told you, Orochimaru wouldn't have taken you by surprise."

"Whatever." He said and walked out of the office.

She sighed and followed him out the office, "Jiraiya!" She called out to him.

"What do you want now?" He sighed as he looked back at her.

"I'm not repulsed by you." She said in honesty, "And I'll never be repulsed by you."

"I wish I could say the same." He said, and walked away from her, leaving her feeling like a terrible person.

I know, I know. I haven't updated in a while, but work and school combined really gets in the way of my writing. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you're looking forward to the next.
Thank you for faithfully reading and reviewing.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo