They can take our lives, my soul is yours and mine….
Elliot
"….Can I get you anything?"
I want JD.
"No…no, I think-I think I'll just lie down."
Keith sighs.
"You haven't eaten Elliot."
"I'm not hungry."
"Elliot--"
Out of the corner of her eye, she see's Keith reach out to her, so she steps away and heads towards her bedroom. The only reason he's here is fear; fear that she'll do the unthinkable. Elliot wants to tell him that she's not that stupid, not anymore, and even if she was he had no right shadowing her.
"I need to lie down."
It isn't a lie. Elliot hadn't slept in days. She'd refused the sleeping pills, choosing instead to toss and turn and cry. Carla had begged her to stay with them for a while, and Elliot would have said yes if Dan hadn't dropped that bomb on her after the funeral.
"Um…actually, Johnny's will says Coxie is Sammy's guardian."
"….I'm….did you just…Dr. Cox?"
"Yea…"
Shivering, Elliot collapses on top of her bed and stares at the too white ceiling, with too wide eyes, and too much nothing.
"I shouldn't be here."
They never talked about it outright, but JD had been hinting that…well, if she wanted to, REALLY wanted to, she could move in, maybe?
"That be nice."
The ceiling in JD's apartment wasn't as white as hers. It was softer, creamier, not harsh and sterile. Even in her own home, the hospital follows her. Death follows her. Groaning, Elliot curls onto her side, arms clutching her stomach.
"Why….why JD, why?"
Nobody knew about the will. Why would they? Its not like JD was going to die anytime soon(except he did, HE DID, and its not fair, its just not fair) so everybody just assumed Dan had custody of Sammy.
"But…Dr. Cox….I…..I"
"He…he signed it, too. I'm sorry, but….I'm sorry."
After the funeral, Carla told Elliot about Turk's plans to convince Dan to leave Sam with him.
"You…you wouldn't mind?"
Carla tried to smile.
"Of course not! Why would I?"
Here alone in her bed, Elliot feels comfortable knowing that her best friend lied. Not because Carla didn't love Sammy, God no. Who could resist him? No, its because Carla knew--Carla KNOWS that Sammy would(and could still) become the center of her husbands universe; and where would that leave her and Izzy?
"Elliot?"
"Go away, Keith."
If she's honest with herself, Elliot admits that it hurt to find out that her boyfriends child, her almost child, was going to live with a man who's belittled and insulted her for the past eight years. It wasn't FAIR.
The bed dips on her left side.
"What isn't fair?"
A hand brushes her hair back.
"Dr….Dr. Cox gets to keep Sammy…."
Keith stops petting her.
"I thought…Turk and Carla-"
She laughs because she can't cry. Not yet, anyways.
"No, no…apparently…."she giggles, "apparently JD thought he be better off with Dr. Cox…"
"Oh."
"He didn't think I was good enough to take him in…he didn't…"
Its not true--even before she finishes the sentence Elliot knows that's not the case. After all, how many times had JD trusted her with Sammy? The will had been dated only a couple of weeks after Kim died and more then a month before they've gotten back together. JD told her, confided in her, that Dr. Cox had checked up on him and Sammy. Had made sure he was ok. Still-why not his brother? Why not Turk? Turk who had been his friend for God knows how long. Why couldn't he have changed his will when they started dating? Why did JD to this to her?
"He stole him from me Keith! He…just…stole him!"
Keith starts stroking her hair again.
"I'm sure Dr. Cox will let you visit-"
Elliot curls further into herself.
"NO! Its not fair! He has Sammy, MY Sammy! He was supposed to me MINE! JD's and MINE, and we were supposed to get married, and have more kids and, and its not fair, its not FAIR!"
Suddenly Elliot feels her mind explode in a flash of a thousand colors and sounds. It steals her breath, robs her body of what little strength it has, and she finds herself falling down a dark hole.
"Elliot?"
She mutters.
"Elliot?"
Who was calling her?
"Come on, wake up. You really need to eat."
Oh. Right. Keith. He's still here.
"No…"
Keith sighs and Elliot can feel his hand trembling in hers. She opens her eyes and is surprised at seeing his face so close to her own.
"Please…at least some toast….some soup--"
"Its not fair…"
He closes his eyes.
"I know."
"I want JD back."
He licks his lips, and tightens his grip on her hand.
"I know."
"I want Sammy back."
Keith opens his eyes.
"I know."
Elliot bites her lip and carefully inches closer to him.
"Its not FAIR."
Keith gives her a watery laugh and bows his head.
"I know. I'm sorry."
Shivering, Elliot buries her head further into the pillow and allows Keith to hold her through the tremors, through the pain of having lost not just JD, but Sammy; their Sammy.
"Its not fair…"
A/n--……Look….Elliot will be happy once again, sometime in this story. I promise….not for a few more chapters down the road, but there you go. Tomorrow, will be Carla's POV….and then, the chapters focusing on Sammy's life with Perry and Jordan will start! FINALLY!