Kind of a short chapter but it answers a question or two you might've had for quite some time. Hope you enjoy it! Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 25

"Did you guys know garbage could walk because I could've sworn I just saw a dumpster pass by." JJ's joke fell on deaf ears as she returned juggling three bottles of water. The blonde quickly took in Ava's paler than usual face, as well as the look of disgust on Emily's, and knew that something was wrong.

"You're married?" Emily asked the youngest agent, causing JJ to stifle an 'excuse me?' that threatened to escape.

"I was married." Ava clarified. "We're divorced. Technically."

"I'm sorry," JJ raised her hands defensively after placing the bottles on the nightstand, "what?"

"Kate was nice enough to come tell me that my ex-husband will be stopping by for a visit." Ava explained. "I haven't seen Roan since…since he left me."

"Roan." JJ repeated the name, wondering why it sounded so familiar. Then she remembered the conversation she had witnessed between Ava and Kate in their apartment. "If Roan is your ex then that makes Alex your…"

"My son, yes." Ava's gaze fell to her lap as she picked at her cuticles. "I was wondering when that was going to come up."

"I didn't want to push you." JJ assured the woman softly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know…I know what it's like to lose a child." Too busy staring at her hands, Ava didn't notice her friend take Emily's hand and squeeze it tightly. The older brunette swallowed hard, surprised that JJ would be concerned for her just as much as she was for Ava.

"Yea." Ava chewed her lip, debated whether or not to tell them the truth. It didn't take long for her to decide. "We were twenty-one when we got married. We'd both graduated early and had been dating since sophomore year of college. I knew we were young but it…it didn't matter. From the second I met him, I knew that he was my future. Or at least I thought I knew. It didn't take us long to conceive but we had already gotten an apartment and jobs- him in the Navy and me at the CIA- so we decided to keep him. Everything was great- perfect even. Then one day it just…wasn't." Pausing momentarily, Ava found herself breathing heavily. She had never told anyone this before. Even Kate hadn't known the full story.

"Did he do anything to hurt you?" Emily asked, genuinely curious but also aware that when recounting events like these, sometimes people needed a question in order to continue. It helps detach them from the fact that it happened to them that it wasn't just some story on the news.

"Roan? God no." Ava frowned at the thought. "You both heard what Volkov said."

"She said you killed him but I don't believe that for a second." JJ leaned forward slightly, wanting nothing more than to hold her friend's hand.

"Except, technically, she's right." Ava licked her lips. "I woke up one morning, about seven months in, and didn't feel well. Roan was heading to work and I told him that if I still felt sick when he got back, we'd go to the hospital together. He wasn't happy about it but I made him go anyway. A few hours later, I started having pains. I ended up calling an ambulance for myself but it…it didn't make a difference." Tears began to well in her eyes as she cleared her throat. "They said I have a condition- an infertility condition that causes my body to treat the fetus like an infection. It attacks over time and eventually…kills what it believes to be harmful." She was crying now, silent tears streaking down her cheek as she purposely avoided looking at her friends. JJ felt her heart break for the woman as, she too, began to cry.

"God, Ava." She murmured. "That is not your fault."

"I know that now." Ava assured her. "But not then. It took me years to be able to even look at a child without feeling guilty."

"There's no way you could've known that." Emily agreed. "Saying that was unbelievably cruel, even for Volkov."

"That's just who she was." Ava waved thoughts of the woman away.

"How did Roan take it?" JJ almost regretted asking.

"About as great as you'd expect." Ava continued. "I stayed in the hospital for a few days. When I was stronger, I had to go back to, uh…" She struggled to find the words, bile rising up in her throat at the mere thought. Thankfully, they weren't necessary.

"We understand." Emily told her softly. "Go on."

"When I woke up that morning, he was gone." Ava said, almost robotically. "All of his things were gone and he'd left me a note saying that he was chosen to go on a mission and couldn't say where."

"What a dick." JJ couldn't help but mumble under her breath as she shook her head.

"I went to the appointment, named him 'Alex', and buried him the same day." Ava rattled off the list quickly, eager to be finished.

"By yourself?" Emily couldn't believe what she was hearing. If Roan had the audacity to show his face here, she would gladly shoot him on sight. Ava simply shrugged.

"I didn't have anyone." She admitted. "Any friends I had left were hundreds of miles away. My parents were gone and Roan…Roan abandoned me on the day I needed him most."

"I'm so sorry, Ava." JJ slowly took the younger woman's hand, wary of her aversion to physical contact. To her credit, Ava didn't flinch. "No one should ever have to go through that- especially not alone."

"It's over now." The younger woman cleared her throat. "I go and see him once a week. Tell him about my life, my job, anything really. I've told him all about the team too. Is that weird?"

"No." Both older women responded immediately.

"I didn't know what I was having but I had a dream of this little girl after it happened." JJ told her. "I named her 'Rose' and I talk to her every day. It's healthy."

"James." Emily said suddenly, drawing the younger agents' attention. "I named him 'James'." Ava was clearly unaware that Emily had been in their situation as well. JJ, having known for years and been best friends with the woman, had never heard her speak of him. Although through drastically different situations, all three women had lost a child. Looking from one pair of watery eyes to another, the group eventually shook their heads in disbelief.

"Look at us." Ava wiped her eyes. "Are criminals actually afraid of us?" JJ and Emily chuckled, each busy trying to fix their eye makeup.

"Surprisingly, yes." Emily passed the box of tissues around. She made eye contact with JJ and the look on the blonde's face spoke volumes.

We have to tell her.

As Ava gently blew her nose into a tissue, she frowned at the exchange.

"What aren't you telling me?" She asked without even glancing up. "Don't think I haven't noticed the eggshells everyone's walking on. What is it?"

"Ava," JJ practically winced, "I'm not sure now is the best time."

"Whatever it is, it's clearly not good." Ava concluded. "Might as well tell me while I have a box of tissues in my hand."

"Alright." JJ relented, sighing as she thought fast. "Just please remember that this isn't your fault, ok? No knew- no one could've know- let alone you."

"What are you talking about?" Ava frowned, the anxiety coming off of JJ making her more nervous as the seconds trickled by. With one last, almost frightened glance at Emily, JJ said,

"Volkov was pregnant."