*****************PLEASE READ THIS!!!!****************
I posted this outtake a week or so ago and not a lot of my readers have read it. This is kinda important if you wanted to know about the wedding. This is the only place you will find out anything about their wedding day *grin*
If you have already read my outtakes, you can skip this chapter and I am sorry for getting your hopes up.
HOWEVER, the epi is with my betas, so it will be up within a few days! YIPEE!
As usual, my outtakes are not beta'd, although I would like to thank my normal beta Allysue08 for doing a pre-read for me to make sure it was okay to post, lol.
Thanks so much for reading!
DPOV
I'm caught between a rock and a hard place…and that is NOT a good place for a dick to be.
On the one hand, I know that I will get to be immersed in Bella's sweet pussy every day for the rest of my life, but on the other hand…I know that I will get to be immersed in only Bella's sweet pussy every day for the Rest. Of. My. Fucking. Life.
Yeah, I guess you could say I'm suffering from cold…er balls.
Edward's all gung ho about this whole wedding ordeal. He has no apprehensions whatsoever. He's a fucking moron. I think that coma did some massive damage to his cerebral cortex because this dude's thought process is whacked.
I have to admit…we came out of that coma and both of us were hornier than a two-dick billy goat, so I was more than ecstatic when Bella was nearby because I thought we would be getting some action right away. Then she mentioned those sexy ass boy shorts and I was done for. But that didn't last long. She insisted nothing was happening in the damn hospital.
I thought for sure when Edward put her hand on me and she began to stroke…oh my God and my eyes were rolling in the back of my head…and then…then the fucktard decided we would behave and listen to her as she depressed the shit out of him. Ain't nothing worse than guilt to make my boy forget all about sex. Son of a bitch.
After she finally calmed him down and had him in better spirits the fucker remembered that idiotic dream he had in his coma. Fuck my life.
I tried everything to get him to rethink his decision. I even tried wrestling the damn tape from his fingers. He was making a huge mistake. I kept ragging on him hoping like hell he would reconsider….of course he wouldn't, he was too much of an idiot... Then I put all of my hope in Bella. She had turned him down for the simple request of living with us, so I thought for sure she would say no to something as life altering as marriage.
Of course that was just wishful fucking thinking. The damn woman said yes immediately. Double fuck my life…
Just as I was contemplating suicide I heard it. The moan. I know what that moan means. I fucking live for that moan. Hell, I would die for that moan. That moan only means one thing… I was getting some pus-sy!
I freshened up just in time for her to sit right down on me. Oh fucking glorious pussy how I have missed thee…
There I was enjoying the shit out of some dry humping foreplay when…
WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?
I was pissed. A fucking hospital gown…I hadn't had to bust a nut in a piece of clothing since high school. What a bunch of bull-fucking-shit.
Oh well…at least it wasn't Eddie boy's hand who got me off this time…But, fuck, I was still beyond pissed.
The nurse came in and checked him over and started to leave. I had to actually remind him to have her remove the tube going down my throat. What a fucking dipshit.
After the nurse left, Eddie shocked the shit out of me and jumped out of the bed and went all caveman on Bella. I was rubbing my hands together thinking for sure I was getting some pussy now.
Mother. Fucking. Holy. Hell.
I was infuriated at both of them by this point. I had decided right then and there that the next time Edward needed me, I was going to stay flaccid. Fuck the dumb shit. It's payback bitch! Then Bella cupped her hand around me and that threat went right out the window. Fucking testosterone…
I stayed hard for quite a while after that. That'll show them…
Then I heard that voice…that voice that makes me curl up in the corner, whimpering and crying. Esme. The chick was cool and all, but damn she sure knew how to embarrass a guy. And nothing makes a man go limp faster than his momma talking about sex right in front of the very person he plans to bend over and fuck senseless as soon as they are alone. Yeah, Esme is a huge erection deterrent.
As if he was just rubbing it in my face, Edward grabbed that damn ring and knelt down and proposed again…What I would have given to see her say no at that point…That would be some funny shit right there. Leave it to Bella to not have second thoughts.
I was in hiding for quite some time while those damn women squealed and celebrated the end of life as I knew it. I had really hoped that Esme wouldn't be able to find that fucking ring. Then again, even that probably wouldn't have stopped Eddie boy.
After the Wicked Witch of Sex left, Edward and Bella started talking about kids. My ears perked right up then…sex was totally my department right there.
Hell fucking yes! They were both anxious to get started on making babies. This could be a very good thing…oh wait…of course they didn't mean tonight, what in the hell was I thinking?
The next morning was heavenly waking up pressed into Bella's sexy ass. That is until she stopped any further progress. And to think…she used to want it as bad as we did. What has gotten into her?
I convinced Edward to give in to a quick session in the shower after the doctor left. I knew there was no hope for going soft after the way I woke up.
However, the relief didn't last long. As soon as we came out of the shower Edward shoved me right back into that sweet ass again. He's a fucking masochist…and he's determined to take me down with him.
As if things weren't already bad enough, he pulled her down on his lap when we were heading out to the truck. How do you plan to pull yourself out of this one, fuckwit?
Bella saved his ass right then by distracting the nurse so he could stand up, but Edward was never the brightest bulb in the pack. He started talking about trouble and whips and leather…and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking drooling at the thought (literally)…but Edward hadn't heard the nurse coming up behind him. He was mortified when she started giggling. I was laughing so hard that I nearly choked on my own…er…drool. Then when Bella insinuated that she had used an ass plug on Edward I lost it. I think I lost consciousness from laughing so hard and hyperventilating.
I know I have told you how much I like sex. I am a dick…if I didn't like sex I would be a pussy…well, not all pussies, 'cause shit Bella's sure liked to fuck as much as I did. Daaamn!
Anyway…sex with Bella has always been glorious. That woman knew how to use her tongue, her fingers, hell, everything that belonged to her was a weapon of mass sexulation. (I have no clue if that is a word or not, but dammit, it sure as fuck should be with the way that woman manipulates all things sex related.)
So, I was a bit excited knowing that we were heading back to the house…alone…and horny…with Bella…and Bella's pussy…and did I mention horny? Yeah, excited was an understatement.
Let me tell you…I had never, I repeat NEVER fucked like we fucked that day. Holy fuck! They were slamming each other back and forth against the walls and the more stuff I heard fall or break the harder I got. I love it when Eddie goes all caveman on Bella, but…fuck me…Bella going all cavewoman? That is the hottest shit I have ever seen.
I was getting a bit impatient when he splayed her out on the table and started eating her pussy. Fuck that, I wanted in on the action, too. He finished her up and they both stood and that magnificent woman had me in her mouth faster than you can say 'deepthroat'.
I was about to go medieval on Edward's ass when he stopped her from sucking and then I realized he was just wanting to put me someplace even more heavenly. Fuck yes!
And he was even so thoughtful as to bend her over the couch for me…best fucking position in history.
It didn't take me very long, but I am not ashamed to admit it this time. If you were in my position…my literal position, you would have done the same thing. I came so hard up in her fucking pussy that it probably hit the back of her throat anyway. Welcome home Dick…welcome home.
I can't honestly tell you a whole lot about what happened over the next few weeks. Bella stayed with us now, so of course I was in her every chance I could get. You gotta love her…she never turned us down. But during those weeks, life was complete chaos. Poor Bella was being dragged every which direction by that pygmy friend of hers. Edward took everything in stride. He was just on cloud nine.
Well, that was until the evil twin of Wicked Witch of Sex came over—the Wicked Witch of Anti-Sex. I would take Esme over Renee any day. I don't think it took long for Edward to agree with me. I knew the night they hid the toilet paper in order to have an excuse to leave that Renee was grating on Edward's nerves just as bad as mine. No one was getting any with her in the house. Luckily Bella was a horny ass just like me and she found a place not too far from the house for them to sneak off to every night and have a quickie…or two.
So now here we are…the day before the funeral…uh, I mean wedding (gag). I had hoped for another night of steaming hot sex in the woods, as usual, but Bella has to stay away from her darling Edward on the eve of their wedding because it is tradition. Fuck tradition, I'm horny.
Edward is in seventh heaven. He reminds me of Tiny Tim when he 'Tiptoed Through the Tulips'…gay ass motherfucker. Even as I hum Chopin's 'Funeral March' repeatedly, he has a fucking smile on his face and a spring in his step. Wake me when it's over…
I wake up and Edward is up before me…that never happens. Either I was trying to stay unconscious as long as possible or he really is a fucking pansy and can't wait to 'meet her at the altar' as he so eloquently put it on his little pathetic attempt at romance. Again, Fuck my life…
Eddie boy starts getting dressed for the day and…
"What in the holy fuck are you thinking dude? I know this is a horrible day for both of us, but getting married isn't a contact sport for fuck's sake. You don't need a damn jockstrap." I snarl at him. No way in hell is he getting me in that fucking thing ever again…
He simply continues to pull the fucker up over me and says, "Look, I know you…and I know that you can't get within twenty feet of Bella without pitching a tent and I am not about to be humiliated in front of God and everybody by sporting wood at the altar when I say, 'I do,' so fuck you, it stays. Besides, I was going to revert to the banana hammock, but I think we both learned our lesson from that back in high school. So be thankful for this. This is the best for both of us. And another thing…it's only a matter of hours before you get to be buried so deep in Bella that you will forget all about this fucking jockstrap. Now shut the hell up."
Well, he does have a point. I hate it when he's right.
As I look around the room, I start counting all of the prospects that I am missing out on boning. Thirty-three…well, thirty-five if you count Bella's twin lesbian cousins that I 'm pretty sure I could convince to bat for the other team. Fuck are they hot…it must be in that Swan blood…
But Eddie is oblivious…he only has eyes for Isabella…ugh. Every single fuckhot woman that walks through that door doesn't do a damn thing for him. Whipped, I tell ya….fucking whipped.
It must be getting close to time because Edward is shifting from foot to foot. I snicker up at him and ask him if he is getting cold feet finally and he tells me his only concern is that he screws up his vows. He knows he is making the right choice and I should shut my trap if I plan to get some tonight. Yeah, like he would hold out on sex tonight just as punishment for me….fat chance there Pervy Magoo.
Suddenly I crack my head on the damn plastic cup that is surrounding me. Shit! Again, Edward was right. Bella stands at the opened doors in front of us (I estimate it to be about fifty feet, so he was a bit wrong on proximity). Damn is that woman beautiful. Wait, what? What the fuck am I saying? I just want her pussy…that's all I care about…FUCK!
Bella starts walking up the aisle and I can hear Edward's heart start to race. She smiles the most gorgeous smile I'd ever seen and I'd be willing to bet she'd give angels a run for their money in the beauty department. Damn…no…no, no, no! I can't be thinking like this. Pussy, pussy…that's all I want is her pussy…
She makes it to the altar and Edward takes her by the hand as they turn from the crowd. Suddenly I feel all warm and tingly…and sex is the farthest thing from my mind. Son of a fucking bitch! Edward has been brainwashing me! He's turned me into a pansy ass just like him!
This isn't right. Nothing about this is right. I'm not supposed to be happy when my man Eddie signs away his rights to random pussy for the rest of his existence. I'm not supposed to smile when he attaches that ball and chain to his ankle. I'm not supposed to be looking forward to (gulp) cuddling…
I try…I try so very hard to dredge up anger or resentment or sadness…anything except for this euphoric feeling of…dare I say it? Love. What has this world come to when a dick falls in love?
If I were a fucking chick I would tell you that the ceremony is beautiful and romantic and just perfect. But since I am not a fucking chick, let's get on with the story.
I listen to Emmett sing one of the worst renditions of Adam Sandler's 'Grow Old With You' while the guests bust out laughing when he sings "Even let you hold the remote control." Leave it to Emmett to be the life of the party.
Rose gets up and quotes 'The Marriage of Dawn' by Yuvarani Sami* to which many women start sniffling and patting their eyes with Kleenex. Puh-leez.
Jasper. My man, Jasper. You gotta love him. He simply gets up and says (in his slow, southern drawl mind you),
Edward and Bella no sooner met but they looked, no
sooner looked but they loved, no sooner loved but they
sighed, no sooner sighed but they asked one another the
reason, no sooner knew the reason but they sought the
remedy; and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs
to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else be
incontinent before marriage. They are in the very wrath of
love, and they will together. Clubs cannot part them.
He doesn't even make it away from the mic when Emmett says, "And for those who aren't fluent in Shakespeare, that simply means they had to get married because they are too horny not to!"
Rose slaps him upside the head and he blurts out, "What? I googled that shit!"
The whole room erupts with laughter. Edward and I are just thankful that everyone in attendance is already perverted otherwise that might have been embarrassing.
The rest of the ceremony continues without a hitch. We jump into the limo to make our way to the reception.
Edward and Bella are all over each other. I perk right up thinking that we might make a pit stop. Bella's hand runs up Edward's thigh and she comes in contact with his jockstrap when suddenly everything stops.
"Edward…"
Edward attempts to distract her by kissing her neck, but Bella isn't an idiot.
She starts giggling and asks, "Would you like to tell me what the hell is between your legs?"
Ever persistent Edward continues to explore her neck and mumbles against her skin, "No…"
By this point Bella is full out laughing.
Edward nips at her neck and she squeals. "You are ruining our ride, my darling wife," Edward grins and pulls her into his lap. Sweet mother of pearl…
I try desperately hard to come out from under the fucking cup but I'm starting to think Edward might have sewed it on.
The limo pulls over and Edward moans. "I don't wanna get out."
"Mr. Cullen…you and I will be on our honeymoon in a matter of hours. Let's go humor our guests and make an appearance at our reception, then we can spend the next week together completely naked if that's what you want." Bella giggles as she pushes Edward's hands away repeatedly.
"Is that a promise Mrs. Cullen? Not a stitch of clothes for an entire week?"
Bella slaps his hand and reaches for the door handle but pauses. "Yes, but first you must explain the predicament your have put Dick in…"
Bella had a good laugh when Edward explained why he was sporting a jockstrap. She continued to laugh until they walked into the reception hall. Edward excused himself to 'remove the obstruction' and headed to the restroom.
He is now giving me a pep talk. He promises great things if I behave myself. Who does he think he is? His mind is as much in the gutter as mine is…okay, well maybe not, but…well, it's pretty damn close.
So I make all of these promises I don't intend to keep and we walk back out to find Bella.
Everyone takes their seats and the speeches begin. I kinda doze off for this part…I'm too busy daydreaming of that week of nakedness Bella promised to Eddie boy.
A couple of times Bella interrupts my fantasies by rubbing on Edward's thigh. Of course, she never goes any further. Thanks for that…
Once the speeches are over and toasts have been made they announce the first dance. Edward graciously takes Bella by the hand and leads her out onto the dance floor. It starts out slow and sensual (and I puke in my mouth a little) but once everyone joins in, Edward pulls Bella closer to whisper in her ear. When he does, I feel her luscious hip and I can't help but spring to life. I tried. I tried so fucking hard. I held my damn nose so I could be near her and not get hard. It's his own fault for pulling her close.
"Psst Edward…" I try to suggest for Edward and Bella to go someplace where they can be alone, but he attempts to ignore me. So I get a little more persistent (aka get harder).
I might poke Bella a bit too hard. She gasps and then giggles. "I knew it wouldn't last. What made you lose the cup?"
Edward's response is to simply pull her close and say, "Do you think anyone will notice if we sneak out for about thirty minutes?" Chalk one up for the Dickmeister!
"I haven't had the dance with my father yet, Edward…I think he might notice." Scratch that chalking…
"Baby, please…I had to sleep all alone last night. You don't know how incredibly difficult it was for me to fall asleep without you by my side." MY ASS!!
She sighs. Yes! And the chalk is mine again!
Edward conspiratorially makes a plan for them to leave the room separately so as to not attract any attention. Fucking idiots act like teenagers trying not to get caught. You're married you nitwits! What the hell is the purpose of getting married if you can't hump like jackrabbits?
Bella politely excuses herself to the restroom as Edward speaks briefly to his mother's sister's cousin's uncle's second wife, twice removed. (No, but seriously, I have no clue who the old bag is…I'm not even sure he does either.)
Edward looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is looking and slips silently out of the room. Seriously?
Edward begins walking down the hall when he suddenly realizes he hadn't made plans of where to meet Bella. Lucky for him, her elevator actually reached the top floor (unlike his) and she had made a plan. She grabs him by the elbow and they scurry off toward a darker hall. At the very end of the hall is a room and Bella pulls Edward into it.
There is a tiny amount of light in the room due to the thick drapes that are covering the windows, but the amount of light is enough for us to see the grand piano at the back of the room…and nothing else. My heart skips a beat. Surely she isn't planning…
Yes, yes she is. WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME SUZY!
Bella pulls us over to the piano and pushes Edward down onto the bench all seductive-like. Yes! Yes! YES!!!
Edward tries to grab Bella's waist and she stops him, "Un un uh!" she says in a sing-song voice. He looks at her questioningly and when she starts to remove his tie he decides he will let her have the reins.
Once she has his tie undone and his jacket off, she starts to undo his belt.
She doesn't completely remove his pants, which confuses me. I'm pretty sure we needed to be…
Or maybe not…
Bella barely slips me out of my confines before I am thrust into her mouth. FUCK YES!!
"Fuck, Bella!" Edward gasps. Yeah, total surprise there, huh buddy boy?
Bella licks and sucks and the whole time Edward is moaning and hissing and grabbing handfuls of her hair. Well, I doubt they are going to walk back into that reception unnoticed…
"Bella…fuck…I need to be in you…" Edward groans.
Without missing a beat, Bella raises up, gathers up all of her gown and straddles right down onto me…
"Fuck, baby! Have you been commando all night?" Edward just might be hyperventilating.
"I'm not that stupid, Edward!" She reaches down the top of her dress and pulls out her sexy purple panties and stuffs them in Edward's pocket. "I removed them while you mingled trying to make us inconspicuous!" She starts giggling, "Now shut up and fuck me, husband!" Damn! I love when she talks dirty!
"I love it when you talk dirty, baby! Fuck!" Edward echoes. Hmm…so far marriage isn't all that bad…
Just as I suspected, when Edward and Bella walked back into the room (separately of course, to continue the idiotic charade) they received many knowing looks, quiet giggles, and one not-so-quiet comment from Emmett that was "disguised" as a cough.
Bella then danced with her dad and Edward danced with Esme…actually, more like Edward held Esme while she bawled her eyes out telling him how happy she was for him.
Then Bella danced with Carlisle and Edward danced with Renee…that's four minutes of our life we will never get back…
Finally, all of the dances had been danced and all of the toasts had been toasted and garter belt and bouquet thrown (Alice knocked everyone down in front of Rose so that the bouquet would land right in her hands…) and it was time for Edward and Bella to head to Tahiti.
There were tears coming from every direction and I just wanted to get the hell outta Dodge! That was too much estrogen for my liking.
In the limo, on the way to the airport, Bella has her legs draped across Edward's lap. She had since lost the atrocity known as her wedding gown and settled for a bright yellow sundress. Edward is massaging her feet since she had been cramped in her heels all day. Her little soft moans are starting to get to me. What can I say? I told you I know what her moans mean. Granted, these didn't mean sex, but testosterone can't tell the difference.
Edward grins, "So…did you really mean complete nakedness for the entire week?"
Bella half moans, half giggles, "Maybe…however, since we will be in Tahiti, we might need to actually sight-see for at least a little bit. I know I want to swim in that gorgeous water…"
"Well…we don't have to have clothes to swim…" Edward wiggles his eyebrows.
"What am I going to do with you, husband?" Bella sighs in contentment.
"You have the rest of your life to figure that out, my darling wife. Bring on the shackles, I'm your prisoner."
Did someone mention shackles?
*The Marriage of Dawn
Author: Yuvarani Sami
Dawn dressed in darkness
Welcomes the lights of wedding
The day two hearts joining together
Two souls joining together
Bound by love.
A wedding is the entrance to a marriage
Stepping from a fairy tale carriage
Into quite ordinary air.
The realization comes,
Life is a beautiful dance
Requiring intense coordination.
The hearts are beating
Slightly faster than others,
Nervousness seeps through
For both the groom and the bride
Awaiting the great moment
Two selves, one life; two notes, one harmony
Loving not just one, but both of you.
Friends and family
Joined together
In the wedding bliss
To wish them love
To wish them happiness
To wish them great future together.
We wish them to find
Joy is in the simple things
Touching, embracing,
Like coming home knowing,
When your eyes meet and no words need to be said.
They already knew
Long before the sound of wedding bells
Love for each other till the very end
Still, we wish them love for each other till the very end.
So, let us listen to the sound of wedding bells
And join in the rhythm of joy
In the celebration of love.
Farewell my wonderful Dick. I will miss you greatly! (if you haven't read my outtakes, he has another chapter over there—hehe)
Please give Dick your love with a review (if you want…it will make him smile! Lol)
Thanks again for reading!!!