Farewell

Rey was waiting in the main hangar for a shuttle. Formations of stormtroopers were crossing left and right, pilots were readying their TIE fighters and Rey just tried not to stand in anyone's way.

Her long, beige cloak clasped on her chest, and she kept her hands neatly folded on top of her bump. It called to her, wanted to be held, even if she would be much more useful loading her luggage. But Kylo wouldn't let her, so in the end, the stormtroopers wouldn't let her.

"Careful miss, here." One stormtrooper held her hand up the lowered ramp to the command shuttle. She waddled onto the main deck and sat down, eager to take off. Kylo wasn't travelling with her. Just as well, she thought and watched the massive star destroyer get smaller and smaller. The sheer size of that colossus never ceased to amaze her. She fashioned her hair into a chignon, held by a silver pin at the back. "I can afford to be… nice looking once in a while," she justified her frivolity. "Certainly for an occasion like this."

It still didn't feel right; when she had had to earn every damn bit of her portions her entire life. Nice things were a luxury. Shiny things didn't keep her fed; only the spare parts did. The shuttle jumped out of hyperdrive and a glorious, blue and green world had opened in front of Rey's eyes.

"What is this-"

Stormtrooper answered before she could finish. "Cerea, in the mid region; parsec away from the Corellian trade spire."

"Huh," Rey wrinkled her forehead. "We're not far from Takodana, then."

"No, miss. It's the nearest planet north-east of here."

What are you playing at, Kylo? He must have had a damn good reason to want her so close to the place where it all began. She tightened her cloak at the memory of Maz Kanata's castle being bombarded by the First Order. Kylo had already been waiting for her in a forest full of green, gnarly trees when they landed.

"Where are we?" Rey's head spiraled in circles as she took in the splendor of that place.

"You thought I would let you marry me on the star destroyer?"

"Why not? We've lived there for ages. It would be an appropriate ending."

"Well, consider this a new beginning, then." Kylo took her hand and led her to a tall, circular stone structure. It looked like an ancient citadel or a ritual place.

"Cereans were ruled by one dynasty ever since they invented hyperdrive. They don't mingle. Not even the Order ventures here, we just trade and let them be. It's a safe place, a planet with a lot of green and water, and best medi droids in the galaxy." He said.

"How do you know they're best?"

"Because I had them brought here for you." He supported her lower back as they climbed hundreds of spiraled stairs, up to the flat roof of the citadel. Rey still couldn't believe that she was going to be married to Kylo, here, on a planet where spring breeze played with her cloak and the air smelled like fruit cake. It seemed too good to be true. Once they got to the top of the tower, each got lost in their own minds. Kylo kept brushing his hair and pacing as they waited for the holy man to bind them. Rey couldn't bring herself to look at him. He was leaving. This was supposed to be an event, the happiest moment of her life, but his kiss tasted bitter on her lips, when she knew it was their last.

He wore not only his usual robes, but a strange armor on them. It looked hard and rough, black like an obsidian mirror and Rey saw her reflection in it. She let her tears fall when he paced off to the southern wall. Once he got back closer to her, she smiled and pretended she wasn't dying right now. Hundreds of white petals were raining from the sky. Rey saw it all; felt the scents and sunset of not one, but two luminous orbs in the distance. How could such a beautiful place hurt so much?

She experienced the best moments of her life on a star destroyer, a symbol of death for millions. And now, she would get the feel the most profound pain in a paradise. She clutched her chest, feeling funny all of a sudden. No, no, no – the reality set in. Kylo stood behind her and laid her hands on the stone block of the citadel. They were waiting, just gazing at the binary sunset on the horizon. Rey leaned into him.

"Are you going to get yourself killed, or is there a chance you'll come back?"

"A small one." He was honest with her, because why not? "We're taking back Kitel Phard and the resistance has acquired a new political ally, this military leader from another star system. They're powerful now."

"You're powerful." She felt him crane her neck and kiss her from behind. "You have the Force. That's power."

"Not everything can be fought through the Force." Kylo didn't tell her that the Force might be the thing that would cost him his life. If she started giving birth in the middle of a battle, he would feel it. He would know and be distracted. And she couldn't do anything about it, because the Force bond never ceased, not in pain or happiness of the other.

"I…" She spun and couldn't hide the tears overflowing her almond eyes anymore. "How can I help?"

Kylo kept staring at those two magnificent suns; balls of life an energy blazing forever in the emptiness of dark space. "You can help by being safe, here. As long as I know I don't have to worry about you, I'll be fine."

Wheezing old clergyman climbed the stairs and instructed them about the ceremony. They held hands and the Cerean holy man spoke the ceremonial vows. Kylo was looking into her eyes, nowhere else. Rey returned his gaze, so intense and uncomfortable at first, but she got used to it. It used to scare her those first months they had been together. Not now, not when she knew what lay simmering behind it. Not the intentions to sow fear, but a chance to get to see inside her very soul.

"And now, exchange the binding token of your choice, as is the holy tradition when a man binds a woman to him, and the woman agrees to be bound on her own will." The holy man's cap flapped into the purple folds of his cloak.

Kylo pulled out an object from his pocket. He opened Rey's palm and placed it inside.

She didn't expect anything, but what she saw took her breath away. "It's beautiful. Where did you get it?" The pendant looked hand carved, a square oblique shaped thing of beauty. Silver chain was brand new, but it surely had seen better days.

"It, ehm… it's a family heirloom." He disheveled his hair nervously, "Jappor snippet from an ivory wood growing on Tatooine. I thought you might like it. It's not fancy or anything."

Rey had never seen a jewel so worn out and yet refined. She eyed it carefully, and noticed initials carved in the back. "P&A – who are P and A?"

"No one. I'll get it rebranded later. It's yours now."

"I love it." She pressed it into her chest, enclosing her palms around it. "Thank you." Rey angled her neck towards him. Kylo gently swept her hair away and clasped the chain, peeking at the good luck charm falling on her ample breasts. He didn't mean to, but immediately pictured his grandmother wearing it once. She was said to have been beautiful beyond belief. He scoffed internally. No one could be more beautiful than Rey.

"And now, the Maker has seen fit to bless this union of Ben Organa Solo and Rey…" he crumpled his forehead and turned the scroll upside down. "Ehm, the family name of the bride seems to be missing."

"No, it's not. Continue." Kylo fumed when he noticed painful flash cross Rey's features. Fucking prick, he'll pay. Rey's missing parents was one sensitive topic Kylo would avoid that day.

"Very well. Bless the union of Ben Organa Solo and Rey in holy matrimony. What is bound can not be unbound. What is joined, only the Force can sever. You are hereby joined in the Force, on this earth, in the eyes of the Maker and the Cerean holy council. May the stars shine on your union and bless you. May the Force be with you both, and your offspring." He added when he stared down Rey's bump good naturedly.

Rey and Kylo's hands intertwined and Eli handed the datapad to the holy man who signed some forms and gave his handprint. "Well, kiss your lovely bride, young man." He teased.

Kylo slowly turned his head and one look made the man shut up. Rey chuckled. Kylo would have rather composed a sonata for Eli than kiss her in front of this clergyman; and she didn't mind. She went into this wedding as a formality, for the good of the baby. She loved him and she knew he would show it in his way, which certainly didn't include smooches in front of a prying old fool and the droid he couldn't stand.

"This is it, then?" Rey held onto his arms when the old man left them alone. "This is goodbye, huh?"

"It's just for a little while."

"I don't know if I can do this on my own." Her big eyes implored. "I know I can't. What if something happens? What if I die in labor?"

"You won't die."

"But what if I will? How is he gonna get to you? Will someone take care of him until you come?"

Kylo caressed the pendant on her neck. "It's not going to happen. You're just nervous. It's understandable, but don't talk about it. Don't even think about it, please."

"I know you're used to having everything bend to your will, Kylo – but this is beyond your control, beyond mine. I just want to be ready, if…"

"Rey," his eyes softened. Unmistakable sadness settled inside them, orbiting that yellow circle around his irises; the one which colored them honey and amber in the sea of dark. "You can't guilt me into staying. I have to go."

"That's not what I was doing." She pouted. "I'm not stupid. I survived on my own, pains and broken bones, I don't need you here, if you're needed elsewhere."

Oh, babe. He pulled her closer, feeling her bump between them. "I'll feel it. I will know in the Force when the time comes and I will be with you."

"Yes, but you won't see him first. I wanted you to see him first and…" she buried her head into his chest, suddenly loving those coarse robes.

Kylo rested his chin on top of her head. "You will see him for the both of us and that is enough for me. I know you'll describe him to me to the last freckle on his nose." He whispered.

"How do you know he'll have freckles?"

"You have them, don't you? I bet he's a spitting image of you. It's genetics, the better half always prevails."

"No," she sniveled as she heard the ship engines revving in the distance. "I'll be thinking about you every night, all the time. I will tell him about you. I swear," she looked at him, her face shining from the tears both unshed and those strewn across her face. "Yours will be the first name he hears from me. You'll be the first voice he knows." Rey patted her pocket with a holo record of Kylo.

He thought it silly to have Rey record him as he talked to a non-existent idea of a baby. But he did it – for her, because she insisted. Secretly, his chest swelled when he pictured that his son might see only this holo of the father he wouldn't ever know. After all, Kylo was marching to nothing else than an inferno, a promise of certain death, while promising her the return back.

"I believe you." He kissed her forehead gently. "I have to go, they're waiting for me."

Rey's chest started rising and falling fast, as if she ran a marathon and couldn't catch a breath. If he died, she would feel it in the Force. She would lie the baby to sleep, and then, follow him right there, into the unknown. That was killing her most – her weakness and love for him. Not even their son might be enough to keep her from succumbing to grief. How does one split a coin in two? How does a whole survive when the fate rips it into two halves? Because that was what they were; two halves unable to exist apart, only together.

He leaned closer and whispered something in her ear. She closed her eyes. Beads of accumulated tears fell down, further down her neck, staining that necklace from him. Kylo spoke in words she hadn't heard from him ever before.

"… ever gave me a chance in my life. If it wasn't for you…"

Ever new one twisted the dagger deeper. She tried so desperately to feel his breath on her skin. She was rubbish in saving all there was about this moment, damn it.

She wanted it, so, so much… to sear every detail into her memory. How his thumb brushed circles on her knuckles. How he had to bow down to speak because he was tall – but how tall? She suddenly got mad she had never measured that height. She breathed in the scent of his hair among the sobs, because what if she'd never get to feel them again?

"… before anyone loved you, accepted you. You are…"

His words kept flowing… gods how she didn't want to listen. Didn't he believe in himself? Why was he saying goodbye like this? He had fought many battles and this one... it felt different, him telling her that, and not being skittish about it.

"… and you gave me that, you gave me more. You don't know how much I…"

And this was him, all him, the man she had tied her life with; the monster forcing a kiss on her on Starkiller base; and she had felt sorry for him, even then, those moments in the snow when they both waited for certain death trying to fill the void of solitude by each other's company. Bless that fear of a scavenger and a monster. No one wanted to face death alone. Now, they would face the life together.

"… you'll be the best mother to him he could ever wish for. If I don't come back, there are accounts in…"

Rey stood on her tiptoes, till their cheeks touched and she not only heard, but felt. How grateful she was that the Starkiller had split up where it did. Her entire happiness depended on that precipice, rifting the earth and trapping them both on the same side. Had it not, she would have left him for death and ran to the Falcon, ran and never looked back. The stars, the fate, the Force or the galaxy wanted them together and now, he was leaving and speaking those words to her, all while the shuttle opened and their hair started to fly in the strong wind.

"… never forget it, never forget what you are to me. No matter where you are, no matter how far. Take this, it's the travel logs of Interdictor you so desperately wanted. If I'm gone, go to the resistance and give them these. Make up a lie how I forced you to stay. Tell them you were a victim and that you didn't agree with anything. You'll be spared then, I'm sure."

Rey lost it, there and then. She just cried, feeling the tears burning her skin, actually burning because they came from the heated core of her heart. Never; she would never sell him out. If he went down, they would go down together, as a family, as one. But she kept her mouth shut not to distract him further.

He finished the love confession turned to a eulogy, mourning the time they wouldn't spend together. She was hoping for weeks at most, but he knew better.

He knew things she didn't and never would. He knew that she had eight freckles at the ridge of her nose. He knew how her hair smelled in the morning and how her eyes slanted when she was thinking hard; often about him and if it was all worth it, not fighting for the resistance and letting the Order win.

He knew how she loved her coffee and how many times she scratched that freaking wall. It was three hundred sixty eight scratches since they had met; and he watched her mark almost all of them. He knew she was terrified beyond belief, not of the labor but for him; that he would never come back to her and the baby. Yet, he knew she wouldn't admit it so he would walk away focused and not worrying about her.

He knew it all, he knew his wife and he would fight and kill thousands not to make her a widow. But he knew better, damn it and that terrified him in return.

"I won't."

"Promise me."

"I won't. I promise." She couldn't take it anymore and crashed into his lips, those beautiful lips that had told her beautiful things she had already known.

He cradled her head in his hand, the other one wound around her neck and kissed her. He skimmed her hair, he felt the softness of her embrace and then, he broke the kiss and walked away. He turned abruptly, taking long, hard strides to the shuttle. He didn't turn back. He didn't look at her. She wouldn't want him to. He had a mission ahead, even though he was bleeding for what he left behind.

And he was fucking bleeding, all right.

The Force trembled and wailed, and he wouldn't lift a boulder now, if it depended on it. What padawans could do, he wouldn't, not when he left her behind. The shuttle door sealed and he put on his mask, and only then allowed himself to cry in silence; when no one could blame the monster for having human feelings. A human couldn't walk into the battle where he was headed. A human wouldn't slaughter other humans, only a creature in mask would. And he cried all the way to the atmosphere; and once the shuttle jumped to hyperdrive, he no longer felt Rey in the Force.

And that was a feeling worse than death.

A/N Penultimate chapter is here. One more and we're done, friends. Thank you for reading and commenting, you rock.