I am really sorry for the longer than usual wait for the next update. Our dog was really unwell (had to be put to sleep), then my sister visited oh and also I kind of got engaged! My beautiful girlfriend...I mean fiancé... asked me to marry her and I of course said yes!

Thanks for reading, adding alerts, adding favourites and reviewing! Reviews you are all awesome: TheGirlin404, Degrassi1son, Dominomino, southtrash, Guest, SoNFan, TLTS, dnmann, son-lyn, seattle-b, Godlove, TamTam86, freedom4trace, SoNFan110, L2GQ and Dav7788.

Usual disclaimer – SoN is not mine.

Angels on the Moon

Chapter Twenty-Five

Ashley's POV

I smiled at Arthur as he walked into my room. I finished tying the laces on my old converses and sat up. Arthur took a seat on the corner of the bed and grinned as he asked, "How are you doing today Ash?"

I thought for a second and bit my lip as I admitted, "I uh didn't sleep well."

Arthur nodded and asked gently, "Did you have the dream again?"

I nodded and blinked away tears. Ever since I had come to the farm I had been having a recurring dream about Kyla. It was always the same, it was like I was watching a television show of her accident and then her ghost or spirit of whatever you want to call it would be there screaming at me that I'd stolen her life and taken her away from her family. I'd first had that dream the night after her accident, which is part of the reason I started on sleeping pills. I hadn't gone to sleep without some form of drugs in my system since.

It had taken me a long time before I would admit to Paula and Arthur that I had these dreams. I think it must have been only a week or so ago that I'd been able to mention them. I'd never told anyone else about those dreams, not even Spencer.

Arthur patted my hand gently and said, "I can't imagine it has been easy for you to deal with this each night, but I just want you to know how amazingly strong you are. In time the dreams will stop, I'm sure of that. When you are able to forgive yourself, I honestly believe they will stop."

I sighed tiredly and rubbed a hand over my eyes, "Maybe. It's really hard, it just makes me remember why I started taking the drugs in the first place."

Arthur looked a little confused as he asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well I first started taking the drugs, sleeping pills and anti-depressants and stuff to stop the dreams. Then I realised I felt better so I started taking more and more and more until there wasn't a moment of the day where I wasn't on something," I replied sadly. It had spiralled out of control so quickly.

Arthur looked thoughtful for a moment and then he suggested carefully, "How do you feel about maybe attending an Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous meeting? I think it could be helpful for you to spend some time with people going through the same things you are. I certainly don't think it will do any harm."

I bit my lip as I thought about it. In all my attempts at rehab, and let's be honest my 'attempts' were pitiful and only done to get people off my back, I'd never actually tried going to meetings. I'd just done the detox and then sat silently through those group therapy sessions rehabs seem to love and then the second they let me out I was back at a bar and calling my dealer. Hell the ink wasn't even dry on my release forms before I was fucked up again.

I nodded slowly, "Um ok, if you think it could help I'm will to give it a go."

Arthur beamed proudly at me and I had to roll my eyes fondly. I really love Paula and Arthur. He leaned forward a little and took my hand in his, "There's a meeting tomorrow if you're up for it?"

I swallowed roughly, was I ready for this? As if sensing my reluctance Arthur quickly added, "There is no pressure Ashley, we'll go and if you want to leave we will, if you want to stay we can do that to. However you want to play it, we will. You don't have to say a single word if you don't want to."

I let out a breath and said softly, "Ok, I'm in."

Arthur patted me on the hand before standing up, "Good, now why don't you come down stairs and have some breakfast and then have a bit of a walk outside. A bit of sun and fresh air will do you good."

I climbed to my feet and followed him down stairs, it was kind of nice to actually have an appetite back again. We ate a delicious breakfast of garlic mushrooms and spinach on toast and then I headed outside for a bit of air.

Spencer's POV

I walked up to the brunette sitting on the bench seat in front of the barn and gave her a smile. She smiled back shyly and turned her head back to look at the horses as they grazed in the paddock.

"Nice view huh?" I asked as I took a seat next to her, careful to leave a little bit of space between us. I didn't want to crowd her, plus being too close to Ashley affected me on a chemical level and made it impossible to think straight or rationally.

Ashley nodded and replied, "Yeah I'd forgotten how much watching the horses could relax me."

I nodded my agreement and said softly, "Yeah, it was one of the deciding factors in Allie and I coming to live on the farm."

Ashley's expression became miserable at my words. She looked down at her hands and asked quietly, "How long after I left did you leave the house?"

I choked down my bitter laugh, thinking back to the days after Ashley left us still hurt quite a lot. I exhaled slowly and responded, "The same day. Once you were gone Mom and I packed up what Allie and I would need immediately and then they brought us back here. We lived in the main house while the cottage was being built and then moved in." I paused and ran a hand through my hair, "I couldn't stay in that house and I knew I was going to need a lot of help and support so it made sense to come here."

Ashley didn't respond, she just gazed at the horses. I didn't really need her to say anything, there wasn't really much she could say. It had happened, life had kept moving forward and now here we were.

I started pulling at a loose thread on my jeans as I continued speaking, "I ended up renting out the house. I wanted to sell it, but I need your signature to do it and I wasn't ready to see you. I put all your stuff in storage along with all the other stuff, furniture and paintings and everything. When you feel up to it, I'm happy to take you to the storage place so you can get anything you want or just go through it."

Ashley just nodded and kept her eyes on the horses. It was probably a bit overwhelming to think of all the possessions she'd left behind. There were a lot of memories, which is a big part of why I had just moved everything to a storage facility and hadn't been back since.

We sat in silence for a while, and it actually wasn't overly uncomfortable. I leaned my head back and let the sun kiss my face with warmth. I rested like that for a while and then glanced sideways to find Ashley's eyes on mine.

She took a deep breath and started speaking, her voice husky, "Your Dad is going to take me to an AA meeting tomorrow, I...I uh think it will be good for me."

I smiled encouragingly, "Wow, that's good. I think it's going to be great for you."

Ashley flashed a brief smile and mumbled, "Thanks. Um I am really trying you know, it's hard."

I reached over and patted her hand a few times before pulling my hand away and saying sincerely, "I know it is and I really can't tell you how much it means to me that you are trying."

We fell back into silence. Sometimes two people have so much that should be said that they have no idea where to even start. That's how it was with us.

After a few minutes Ashley cleared her throat and said nervously, "there's a lot I should say, lots of things I should apologise for. Hell there are things I probably don't even remember that I should apologise for, but I'm scared to."

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and found her staring off into the distance. I sighed and asked, "What are you scared of?"

Ashley practically whispered back, "That you won't forgive me."

I took a breath and exhaled through my nose. I bit my lip and gave it some thought before responding, "I understand that, but sometimes you apologise because you need to, not because you expect to be forgiven. Apologies aren't really about you at all, they're about the person you hurt. Just a thought."

Ashley nodded and kept staring over at the paddocks.

I rubbed my tired eyes and said softly, "I don't want you to apologise to me Ashley, not now. I want you to apologise when you are ready to really mean it. I want the words you say to be reinforced with your actions. I don't want more empty words from you. When you apologise to me, I want it to be true and real. Ok?"

Ashley nodded and whispered, "Ok."

The silence descended on us again and I was thinking about getting up and leaving when Ashley turned her head to look at me. She looked really troubled as she said, "I've had this thing on my mind lately and...I...I."

Ashley paused and looked nervously at me as she started biting her lip. I raised my eyebrow and said, "If you've got something you want to ask me, just ask it."

She licked her dry lips and asked softly, "Have you...I mean, um has there been...oh um have you...uh are you?"

"Spit it out Ash," I demanded gently.

Ashley looked down at her feet and mumbled, "I have no right to ask this but have you been with anyone else since we...um since I left?"

I sniggered and stared at her for a moment, but she wouldn't meet my eye. "Well you're right about one thing, you have no right to ask me that."

Ashley blushed and quickly stammered out, "I'm...I'm sorry."

I cut her off, "You have no right to ask, but the answer is no. There hasn't been anyone else since you left," I scoffed and shook my head, "There has never been anyone but you, never. It's a shame you can't say the same."

Ashley moved closer to me and took my face in her hands, forcing me to meet her eyes that were full of sadness and sincerity. I was shocked by her touch and couldn't make myself move away. "Spencer I know I said a lot of really horrible things to you about sleeping around and I know that the tabloids often printed photos of me with women in compromising positions and I always let you believe the worst." Ashley paused and swallowed around the lump in her throat before taking a deep breath to steady herself. She kept her eyes locked on mine as she admitted, "In all my life I have slept with only one woman and that woman is you."

I felt my mouth fall open in shock. I couldn't believe it! For years I'd believed that Ashley had repeatedly cheated on me and now she was telling me it was all lies. I was too stunned to speak. I didn't even consider not believing her, I could read the bare truth in her eyes.

Ashley licked her dry lips and started speaking again, "I don't know why I never told you the truth. I don't know why I did half the things I did while I was high, but the truth is I never slept with anyone else. I kissed a lot of women and let them kiss me. There was touching, but nothing more than over the clothing and nothing particularly intimate. There were times where I thought I was going to...well you know, but I always stopped myself. No matter how fucked up I was, I still loved you and only wanted you."

I let out a gust of air and said, "Wow, I...I did not see that coming."

Ashley ran her thumbs over my cheek bones and said, "I know it's a lot to take in. I am so sorry for letting you believe that I had been sleeping around. I'm also sorry about all the kisses and touches that weren't shared with you. I thought another woman might make me feel better, but I only ever felt disgusted with myself."

I pulled back out of her hold and wrapped my arms around my torso, "This is a lot to take in Ash, I need a minute."

Ashley nodded and tucked a lose curl behind her ear, "Of course, take all the time you need. I'll go." She rose from the seat and reached out hesitantly and rested her hand on my shoulder, "I really am so sorry."

I covered her hand with mine and gave it a gentle squeeze before letting her go. I watched Ashley walk towards the main house and took a deep breath. She'd only ever made love to me! We'd only ever made love to each other. That meant something, it was special and precious. I mean there can't be many people out there our age who could say they've only ever been with one person. There has to be even less drug addict rock stars who can say that!

I folded my hands on my lap and rested my head back against the barn. I smiled secretly to myself and let my mind wander back to the very first time we'd made love.

Flashback

I looked around our spot to make sure it was perfect, Ashley was due to meet me any minute and I had to make sure everything was ready.

Since we'd first gotten together over ten months ago now, Ashley was always the one to surprise me. She was always planning such amazing things for me and I felt I hadn't been doing the same for her. She always took the lead and always initiated things. Tonight that was going to change.

I stuck my head in the tent to double check I hadn't forgotten anything when I heard a voice behind me call out, "Spencer?"

I stepped out into her line of sight and grinned as I walked towards her. Ashley smiled lovingly at me and stepped into my arms to give me a sweet kiss. She broke the kiss to stare around us at our spot, with a mix of confusion and wonder on her face.

You see I'd come up here solo to set up our usual tent, but instead of sleeping bags it was full of soft blankets and pillows. The area around the tent was covered in fairy lights, all running off battery packs to remedy the lack of power problem, and I'd set up a picnic near the opening to our tent.

Ashley grinned her nose-crinkling grin at me and asked, "What's all this for?"

I leaned in and kissed her again before answering, "I just wanted to do something special for you Ash. You always plan such amazing surprises for me and I just wanted to return the favour."

Ashley grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, "It's incredible, thank you."

"You hungry?" I asked with a smirk, Ashley was ALWAYS hungry.

She nodded and I led her over to the picnic blanket. We sat down and I pulled out our dinner of chicken and salad sandwiches, fruit and brownies. It wasn't exactly gourmet, but I'd wanted to do it all myself and this was the best I could come up with.

As we ate we laughed and joked. It was always so easy between us, probably because we were best friends first and then fell in love. She just made me so happy.

After we'd eaten I leaned in and kissed her again. Ashley gave my hand a tug and pulled me over so that I was sitting between her legs with my back leaning against her front. Her hands settled over my stomach, lightly stroking the skin that appeared between my jeans and tank top.

I leaned my head back on her shoulder and kissed her neck, making her shiver. I turned in her arms so that I was kneeling between her legs and looped my arms around her neck. Ashley settled her hands on my hips and bit her lip as she looked up at me.

I was so nervous, I didn't really know what to do next. I knew what I wanted, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it. Ashley and I had made out before, a lot. We'd touched each other, but had kept it mostly PG. I wanted more.

I kissed her hungrily, invading her mouth with my tongue. Ashley groaned against my lips and grabbed my belt to pull me closer. I broke the kiss and got to my feet. I held out my hand to Ashley and wordlessly pulled her to her feet. I led her over to the tent and unzipped the door. Ashley swallowed hard and stepped inside.

I watched as she lowered herself to the nest of pillows and blankets and took a moment to gaze at my beautiful, sexy girlfriend. Her big brown eyes had darkened and her chest was rising erratically. I smirked, loving that I was capable of causing these reactions in her.

I kept our eyes glues to each other and grasped the hem of my tank top. I slowly pulled it up over my body and off before discarding it on the ground so that I was standing there in my jeans and bra. Ashley let out a deep breath and whispered, "My God you are so beautiful."

I bit my lip and smiled shyly before dropping to my knees and crawling over to her. Ashley reached out as soon as I was close enough and pulled me to her. She crashed our lips together in a clumsy kiss and slowly, almost hesitantly started running her fingers over my exposed skin.

I lay her back against the pillows and settled over her, sliding my hands up underneath her shirt. Ashley gasped and bit her lip. I grinned, starting to gain some confidence in the face of her response. I kissed her lips then moved to pepper kisses over her neck and collar bone. I bit down gently where her shoulder met her neck, earning me a loud moan.

I pulled back and wasted no time in removing her shirt. "Wow," I breathed out as I looked at her body. I'd seen her in her bikini before, but this was different. The body lying beneath me was mine to touch and caress. Just like mine was hers.

Ashley reached up and pulled my lips to hers. We both gasped as our bare stomachs made contact and out bra-clad breasts pressed together. I could feel a stirring in my lower stomach and for the first time in my life knew what it felt like to burn for someone.

My whole body ached for Ashley.

We each started to run our hands over each other's skin, shyly at first and then with more certainty. I was the first one to gather up enough nerve to tentatively cup her breast in my hand. Ashley threw back her head and gasped. I ran my thumb over her nipple and felt it harden under my touch.

I kissed her passionately and slipped a hand underneath her to unsnap her bra. I looked into her eyes and asked breathlessly, "Is this ok?"

Ashley nodded and gasped, "More than ok Spence."

I gently hooked my fingers through her bra straps and slid them down her arms until I could pull the garment free and fling it aside. Now I was looking at her breasts for the first time. They were flawless and I felt my mouth go dry.

I kept my eyes locked on Ashley's as I lowered my mouth to one of the dusky rose nipples and slowly let out my tongue to tease it. Ashley's grip on my shoulders became almost painful and she started panting and moaning. I fully encased the nipple in my mouth and swirled my tongue over and around it.

God it felt amazing! I had never imagined that being with her would feel like this. I'd thought it would be more nerve-wracking and confusing, but touching her like this just felt right.

I kissed my way across the valley between her breasts to take her other nipple into my mouth, biting down ever so gently with my teeth. Ashley half screamed and clung desperately to me, her nails biting into my skin.

I was sure I would be clumsy and not know what to do, but it all came naturally. I just wanted to make her feel good and judging by her reaction I was achieving my goal.

I paid some more attention to her breasts before kissing down to her stomach and tasting the skin there. Ashley writhed beneath me and cried out in a husky voice, "Oh God Spence!"

I kissed my way back up her body to claim her lips in a kiss rough with need. Ashley bit down on my lower lip and quickly flipped us so that I was lying under her. She smirked down at me and growled, "My turn now."

I bit my lip and leaned forward so she could free me of my own bra. Soon I was topless and Ashley was devouring my upper body with her eyes. I got a little self-conscious under her gaze and went to cover my chest with my arms only to have her tenderly grasp my wrists and hold my arms above my head. She smiled lovingly at me and whispered, "You're beautiful Spencer, I love you."

I grinned and whispered back, "I love you too."

Ashley leaned in and kissed me, bringing our naked torsos together for the first time. We both hissed at the contact and soon our kisses became hurried.

Ashley broke our kiss and started trailing hot opened mouth kisses down my neck and to my chest. She covered one of my breasts with her hand and lowered her mouth to the other.

I had never felt anything like it before. I felt like every nerve in my body was on fire. I could feel her in every part of me.

Ashley kissed down over my stomach and to the waist band of my jeans. She raised her eyes to mine and on my nod she undid my jeans and slid them down my legs. She kissed her way up my legs, moving between the two until she reached my underwear. She smirked hungrily at me and pulled my underwear down as I raised my hips for her.

Soon I was completely naked in front of her. Ashley stood over me drinking in the sight of me with a predatory look in her almost back eyes. I raised myself up so I was resting on my elbows and ordered, "Pants off now."

Ashley's smirk widened and she saluted before moving her hands to the button on her jeans and painstakingly slowly undoing them and pulling them off. Her underwear soon followed them and then she was standing above me naked and breath-taking.

I swallowed hard and licked my suddenly dry lips. I stared up at her and murmured, "You are incredible, come here."

Ashley lowered herself onto her knees and then down over me, pushing me until I was lying back against the ground. She slid her leg between my thighs and captured my lips in a hungry kiss.

We kissed until we were breathless and then started to explore each other's body with our hands, seeking out places we hadn't been able to touch before.

The feelings racing around my body were indescribable. I was on fire. Ashley traced her fingers over my hip and then moved them down between my legs. I mimicked her moments and let out a harsh moan at the wetness between her legs.

Ashley gasped and bucked her hips into my hand. We each took some time to explore each other's most intimate areas before Ashley locked her eyes on mine and with absolute tenderness, slid a finger inside of me. I followed suit and was amazed at how incredible it felt to be inside of her.

We started to move slowly within each other and then faster. Our breathing became laboured and erratic, but neither of us cared. Ashley leaned down and buried her face against my neck, the gasps of air from her lips caressing my heated skin.

Without needing to vocalise, we each added a second finger and sped up our movements within each other. Our bodies were writhing against each other deliciously and I couldn't get over the gasps and moans that were being torn from her lips.

I felt like the luckiest person on earth because I got to touch Ashley Davies. I got to love her and be loved by her.

I felt a strange build up in my lower stomach and struggled to breathe. Ashley panted against me and murmured breathlessly, "I think I'm close."

She lifted her head from my neck and locked her eyes on mine. We stayed like that as our movements increased again and we simultaneously tumbled over the edge.

Ashley collapsed on top of me and I ran my hands up and down her sweat slicked back to sooth her. We were both gasping and trembling. Ashley raised her eyes to mine and kissed me chastely on the lips. She tucked some sweaty blonde hair behind my ear and rest on her elbow over me.

She traced a finger down over my cheek and rested over my heart, which was pounding frantically in my chest. She bit her lip before kissing me sweetly once more and whispering, "I love you so much, that was incredible."

I blushed hotly and reached up to sweep her curls from her face. I ran my hand over her smooth skin and murmured, "I love you Ash, more than I have the words to say. Are you sure that was ok?"

Ashley laughed huskily and nodded, "Yeah, that was more than ok. Was it ok for you?"

I beamed and nodded as I responded in a raspy voice, "Oh yes, that was magic. You hear so many horror stories about people's first times, but that was perfect."

Ashley kissed the tip of my nose and echoed, "Perfect."

We snuggled down into each other arms and I pulled a warm blanket over us. I knew I would never get tired of the feeling of her silky skin pressed up against mine.

We fell asleep tangled together, happy and more in love than I could ever express.

End Flashback

I tore my mind back to the present and blushed a little at the memory. That had been one of the most amazing nights of my entire life. No matter what had happened between Ashley and I, nothing could tarnish that memory. I was just so glad my first time had happened like that, with someone that I really loved.