KR: Hello everyone.
AK211: Welcome to another episode of Fanfic Death Battle.
KR: I hope you all enjoy our showdown.
AK211: And now here we go!
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
Wiz: The marksman - a staple of the action genre everywhere.
Boomstick: But what if the marksman were a little more... supernatural?
Wiz: Such as Death the Kid, the Shinigami Gunslinger.
Boomstick: And Alucard, Hellsing's Trump Card. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Kyoko: Didn't we use this guy already?
Excalibur: Fool!
Gilgamesh: Still waiting on when I get used again... unless I'm too powerful for your desires.
Wiz: -sigh- And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win...
Wiz, Boomstick, Kyoko, Excalibur, and Gilgamesh: A Fanfic Death Battle!
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
Wiz: Born from the soul of the grim reaper himself, Death the Kid was destined to be a Meister.
Boomstick: Kid had it all - dashingly good looks, a sense of style, and hey, he was even pretty smart! And considering how good he was at taking out Kishin, Kid was pretty much perfect.
Wiz: After meeting and reforming the criminal twins, Liz and Patti Thompson, Kid began collecting souls outside of the academy. Even though Lord Death felt as if Kid did not need any sort of training, Kid still went to the Death Weapon-Meister Academy to help out with some of the harder missions.
Excalibur: Ah yes, Death the Kid. I remember him. He's a fool! He'd rather use his twin pistols than wield the greatest weapon ever.
Boomstick: At the DWMA, Kid, Liz, and Patti met two other groups - the scythe master Maka Albarn and her boyfriend Soul Eater-
Wiz: Not canon.
Boomstick: It is to me!
Excalibur: (Wearing a shirt that says "SoMa" on it with Maka and Soul's faces in the background) And me.
Boomstick: -And the assassin Black Star and his weapon, Tsubaki.
Wiz: Together, the three groups would find themselves on many different adventures to fight and kill Kishin, with the goal of collecting 99 Kishin souls and one witch soul. This would turn a weapon into a Death Scythe - the highest-rated possible type of weapon there is.
Boomstick: Or in Kid's case, Death Guns.
Wiz: Thanks to his Shinigami body, Kid's abilities far surpass those of a normal human. He wields enough strength to create craters in the ground with only kicks, enough speed to appear invisible to the human eye, and enough durability to shrug off hits from the physically stronger Black Star.
Boomstick: And his genetic makeup gives him a rapid healing factor, even being able to recover from being impaled several times! Oh, and that was only his first episode. It also gives him an immunity to toxins. And hair dye.
Wiz: Not being able to dye his hair is only a small price to pay for Kid's astounding abilities. Kid is also gifted with the ability of Soul Perception, where he senses an opponent's soul, as well as their Soul Wavelength. This ability allows Kid to instantly know how powerful a foe is as well as be just about impossible to sneak up on.
Boomstick: In order to protect him from attacks, Kid can even create skull-shaped shields on his arms! Oh, and he can even create shadow extensions of his arms to attack foes, or reattach lost limbs. Like, "Oh, here, let me take a second to PUT MY FUCKING ARM BACK ON.". Kid don't care about that.
Wiz: Kid's immense power comes directly from his Soul Wavelength, which is one of the best in the series. It's what allows him to wield two weapons at once.
Boomstick: Speaking of which, when Kid wants to cut loose, the two hot ladies on his sides turn into guns! Man, that is my dream. A hot woman that can turn into a gun. Maybe she'd be able to turn into a beer too.
Wiz: Liz and Patti make very powerful pistols, but contrary to the sounds they may make, these guns do not fire bullets. They actually fire compressed shots of Kid's Soul Wavelength, making them more powerful than actual bullets. As another result, Liz and Patti can never run out of ammunition.
Boomstick: And he has two signature attacks with the two: The Sanzu River Shot, where he fires a powerful stream of bullets from both, and the Sanzu Fall Shot, where he fires the two as a cascading waterfall of bullets!
Wiz: That's... oddly poetic of you.
Boomstick: Guns are like poetry to me, Wiz.
Wiz: But by the three of them combining their Soul Wavelengths via Soul Resonance, Liz and Patti become even more powerful.
Boomstick: Yeah! Like when they turn into Desert Eagles, firing more powerful bullets than before! Or how about when they turn into big fucking cannons?!
Wiz: In Execution Mode, Liz and Patti can fire the Death Cannon. This attack was powerful enough to damage even Kishin Asura, and has been estimated to be able to take out an entire City Block or even a city with only a single hit. It has a slow charging time, but it's a small price to pay for all that destruction.
Boomstick: And if Kid ever needs to get anywhere fast, he can call upon Beelzebub, his skateboard, at any time! And much likeGhost Rider's Hell Cycle, Beelzebub seems to bend physics as it goes.
Wiz: Or he could flick Beelzebub at his opponents with the Tornado Kick. Speaking of kicks, Kid also makes a proficient hand-to-hand fighter. By wielding Liz and Patti as close-range weapons, Kid is a master of Death God Taijutsu. He has three different stances: The Stance of Crime, used to land strong attacks, the Stance of Punishment, relying on defense and predicting enemy attacks, and the Stance of Mad Crime, where Kid dodges attacks and counterattacks in the most brutal way possible.
Boomstick: But even that doesn't even compare to Kid's strongest ability.
Wiz: See those lines on Kid's hair? Those aren't just for show. Those are the Lines of Sanzu, which, when connected, increase Kid's abilities significantly. His physical abilities increase far past their limits and gains an access to fly. But he has two abilities which are major trump cards.
Boomstick: The Parents' Seven Rays has Kid make five more guns out of nowhere, and by having Liz and Patti in Execution Mode, can fire seven blasts of powerful Soul Wavelength at once.
Wiz: These blasts have been stated to be able to cut through just about anything. And what makes Kid even more powerful is the Madness of Order - an extremely powerful ability that turns anyone around him into a mindless puppet for him to control.
Boomstick: Ha! Katara, your bloodbending has been one-upped! But just like Katara, Kid hates using the Madness of Order.
Wiz: Through all this phenomenal power, Kid has accomplished some impressive feats. In just the first episode of the anime, Kid destroyed a giant pyramid with nothing more than gunshots from Liz and Patti in their base forms. He also defeated Black Star and Soul with little effort, saw through Free's Dimension Eye, held off a Black Dragon Crona, defeated Mosquito, killed the Dark Dragon, resisted Asura's Madness Waves, and once even dodged attacks all the way from the moon.
Boomstick: And by the end of the series, it's said that Kid's Soul Wavelength is around as powerful as that of Lord Death's and Asura's!
Wiz: However, as powerful as Kid is, he is still not perfect. His biggest weakness is his crippling OCPD-
Boomstick: Don't you mean OCD?
Wiz: No, OCPD. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. It's so extreme in him, it's part of his personality. Kid is obsessed with symmetry, and goes berserk when things aren't symmetrical. As a result, he'll refuse to wield only one of his guns at once, and he gets really upset if you point out that he's not symmetrical. On the other hand, if he sees something that IS perfectly symmetrical, he may freeze mid-battle to appreciate the symmetry.
Boomstick: Small price to pay for being Death the Kid.
Death the Kid: Symmetry is key, everything must be aesthetically pleasing.
Liz: Oh, wonderful. Here we go.
Death the Kid: That's why I use the two of you as twin pistols, in order to reserve symmetry. When I hold you both, you're completely balanced on the right and left. It isn't perfect because your human forms are so different from each other though! Your hairstyles and height for example! (Grabs Liz and Patti's breasts) Even your boobs are different sizes!
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
Wiz: Vlad III Dracula, born in 1431, was destined for some... horrible things.
Boomstick: You know Vlad the Impaler? Yeah, that's this Vlad. He also was just a complete monster and did a whole bunch of horrible things, but hey, that's beside the point.
Wiz: Wanting to make a name for himself, Vlad led a revolutionary war against the Turkish army. But in a moment of failure, Vlad found his entire army wiped out, and himself on death row.
Boomstick: But good ol' Vlad wasn't about to let that happen. Instead, he drank the blood of all the people who died, and then the cross he wore broke as he accepted his dark powers. This is what led t him becoming the feared vampire only known in the world as... Alucard.
Wiz: Alucard is considered to be the first vampire ever to exist. But take everything you know about traditional vampires, be them classic or modern, and you can bet that Alucard plays each trope... just a little differently.
Boomstick: But he was also much tougher than any regular vampire! He gained the ability to kill men with his bare hands, run long distances in only a few seconds, and gained skill and reflexes so insane that he could catch bullets with his teeth!
Wiz: Alucard's list of powers is so long that listing them all takes a good while on its own. As a matter of fact, we're going to list off just those powers right now.
Boomstick: So take a seat everyone, because this is gonna be a long list.
Wiz: In addition to superhuman strength, speed, and durability, the countless souls within him grant him different supernatural abilities. He can make his body completely intangible to phase through objects, he can fire guns with superhuman accuracy, manipulate shadows like extensions of his own body, and his souls even allow him to heal from just about anything.
Kyoko: Hey, I heal fast too!
Boomstick: But not like Alucard can! Alucard has been known to regenerate from nothing but a pool of blood, in just seconds. He can also shapeshift, teleport, use telepathy and hypnosis, cast illusions over his foes, and even summon some of the souls he has as familiars!
Wiz: But being a vampire, Alucard's most prominent ability is, naturally, to suck his victims' blood. In addition to draining blood, he can also obtain their memories and powers. In some instances, he can even suck their souls out.
Boomstick: However, Alucard's powers aren't all he has to offer! Enter .454 Casull, a gigantic pistol too big for a regular human... but just the right size for Alucard! The Jackall is even better, being able to destroy a FUCKING WALL with a single bullet! Damn, the recoil on that has to be ridiculous.
Wiz: But just in case a foe has survived everything Alucard has thrown at them so far, he is more than happy to simply not hold back. His power is limited by something known as release states - with each state he releases, the more monster-like he becomes. At state zero, he covers his body in eyes and can manipulate the souls on his body as shadowy extensions of his arms. He can even use this ability to bite off the heads of his opponents.
Boomstick: Well then. Here, lemme just EAT YOUR HEAD OFF! That sick bastard.
Wiz: In addition to these abilities, Alucard also receives strange premonitions about the future. Usually they're in surreal dreams that don't seem to make much sense at first. He can also sense whether someone or something is supernatural in nature, meaning that he can never really be caught off-guard in that sense.
Boomstick: But if you ever want to get rid of him, all you need to do is stake him through the heart!
Wiz: Actually... sorry to burst your bubble, but Alucard has built up high resistances to traditional anti-vampire equipment. A stake through Alucard's heart is going to do you about as much good as a pork chop through his heart. ...Get it? Stake... pork chop...?
Boomstick: Don't try jokes like that again, please. But anyway, good to know that Alucrd is usually on humanity's side. He likes humans, thinking they're a very capable race. In fact, if Alucard is to die, he would like to die at the hands of a human.
Wiz: Alucard's immortality seems to be something under his control. As a result, he does not allow demons or monsters to kill him, and would only ever allow a human who could match his power do so. Above all else, Alucard loves a good fight. It's considered to be one of the highest compliments if Alucardwants to kill you.
Boomstick: However, that doesn't prevent him from eating lesser vampires for breakfast, taking down armies of Nazi vampires, and even defeating Alexander Anderson in his Monster of God form! And Alucard was so conveniently willing to let Anderson kill him.
Wiz: That said, Alucard isn't without his faults. The souls in his body may become independent at any given time, meaning that he could lose control of some of his powers if things get really bad. Also, thanks to his love of fighting, he loves to inflict horrendous pain upon his opponents and torture them, looking them in the eye to let them know exactly who's killing them. He'll very willingly pass up a good moment to kill someone just to torture them more, or to see what someone's made of. For lack of a better term, he loves to be impressed.
Boomstick: But hey, if anyone could bring vampires back to the mainstream without sparkling... it's Alucard. And you know it.
Alucard: Listen to me, you are never to return here. You are to stay away and tell no humans about this place. Or I will track you down, and suck every ounce of blood from your body, until you look like a deflated whoopee cushion!
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
Wiz: Alright. The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a FANFIC DEATH BATTLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
A dark alleyway in England, midnight
(Cue Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Have A Nice Dream! - Soul Eater)
It was night time in England. Everyone was in their own homes, keeping the streets and alleyways clear. There was nothing to light it up except for the golden, grinning moon from Soul Eater, with blood running down its teeth, and a flickering street light. It should have been a picturesque and peaceful night, and itwould have been - but then a shadowy figure zoomed across the alleyway, seeming to be nothing but a flash of blackness as he raced past.
Cutting to the figure, it was revealed that it was none other than an adolescent male in a black suit, with a white, button-up undershirt. He wore a skull crest between his collars, perfectly centered, and on each of his middle fingers were silver skull-shaped rings. Most interestingly, his perfectly-parted hair sported a peculiarity - three white horizontal stripes lined the left side of his hair. This adolescent was Death the Kid, riding on a black skateboard, Beelzebub. In both of his hands were two silver pistols, but they weren't exactly what they would seem.
"Kid... this place gives me the creeps!" complained a teenage girl's voice from one of his pistols. An anime bubble appeared over the gun, with the face of a blonde woman wearing a blue cowboy hat stitched with white pieces to it. She was wearing a red crop-top with a long, white tie over it. And she was wearing a horrified expression. This was Liz Thompson, one of his weapons.
Kid sighed, not stopping on his skateboard. "Look, Liz. This is where that Kishin is. I hear he has way more souls than anyone could ever comprehend. It would be enough to turn you both into Death Scythes eight times over and then some. You remember what my father said. This Kishin is more powerful than most of the ones we've fought before. Stay on your guards, both of you."
Liz trembled in Kid's hand as they raced down the alleyway, in search of their target. Lord Death had specifically sent these three to take down this Kishin. According to Lord Death himself, this Kishin was unlike anything Kid had ever faced before. As a matter of fact, many of the residents of this England town had reported seeing this entity - and many of them felt lucky to have not been killed.
And that's exactly why Kid took on this job.
(Cue Alucard's Theme - Hellsing)
Alucard's lair
Upon a tall, red felt chair sat one of the most notorious vampires ever to grace England - he was a very tall man with gray-white skin, dressed in a formal red suit. He wore white gloves on both hands, and red circular glasses over his eyes. He also wore a large-brimmed red hat upon his head. In his right hand was a wine glass full of a blood-red wine. His legs were crossed in relaxation, and he was wearing an expression of disinterest.
This man was Alucard, the most fearsome vampire throughout all of England.
Suddenly, he heard the high-pitched "RING! RING! RING!" of his telephone near his chair. He sighed, setting the wine glass on the arm of his chair and standing up. He took the phone and held it to his ear.
"Hello? Alucard?" called the voice on the other end. It was that of a British woman's, and one Alucard was accustomed to hearing. This voice belonged to Integra Fairbrook Hellsing.
Alucard gave a subtle grin. "Hello. You've reached Alucard, the Crimson Fuckmothering Vampire. Please leave a message after the gunshot." Alucard jokingly said on his end. He pulled a large gun out of his pocket, namely the .454 Casull. He fired it at the wine glass on his chair, shattering glass and spilling blood-red wine everywhere. Alucard chuckled, then returned. "Just kidding. It's me, Alucard. What do you want?"
"Alucard. You'll probably dismiss this as simply a nuisance, but a young man equipped with two pistols is racing toward your lair. I suggest you tread lightly." Integra informed the vampire. Alucard gave a slightly amused grin as she spoke.
"Hmm... I'm almost interested. Is there anyone with him?"
"He was seen with two teenage girls, last I heard."
Alucard chuckled and gave another grin. "What kind?"
Integra gave a slightly frustrated sigh on her end. "They're big-tittied blonde girls."
Alucard laughed in amusement, clapping his hands as he heard that. "Oh, that's magnificent! I'm going to have to let you go now, Integra. I have two big-tittied blonde girls waiting for me."
"Alucard, but-"
Before Integra could finish what she was about to say, Alucard hung up the phone, throwing it into the air and shooting it down with a shot from .454 Casull again. The blast obliterated the phone, sending pieces of metal and plastic flying everywhere.
For a second, Alucard's face turned frustrated. "Great, I'm gonna have to replace that-" but then he grinned and laughed. "Oh wait, now this means I don't have to pay the phone bill ever again!"
The doorsteps of Alucard's lair
Kid and his guns appeared at the door of Alucard's lair. They were ready to take down the Kishin no matter what, and failure would not be accepted. Kid inhaled a deep breath, then lifted his leg up to the door and unleashed a mighty kick. Usually, one can hear about SWAT members or firefighters kicking doors in... but Kid didn't simply kick that door in. He shattered it into wooden splinters as his foot made contact with the door. Almost as soon as Kid destroyed the door, the three were met face-to-face with the Crimsonfuckr Alucard himself.
"...And who the fuck are you?" asked Alucard, clearly not amused.
Suddenly, Liz and Patti began to glow a bright purple color. They dematerialized into nothing but balls of purple energy, then they took the shapes of humans and reverted to their human forms as the three of them went into their signature pose. Kid knelt down onto the ground, Patti leaned over, holding her arms out in a "T" shape, and Liz stood up straight holding her hands up in a "V".
"Kishin Alucard... your soul has become a Kishin Egg-" Death the Kid began.
"And now we've come to claim it!" Kid, Patti, and Liz all said in unison. Alucard watched in amusment, grinning at the female forms of Liz and Patti. What Alucard wasn't really paying mind to, however, was that the three weren't exactly in align. Patti's stance was off again.
Alucard chuckled to himself. "'Kishin'... that's a new one." He glanced down at Patti's chest, grinning widely. "Interesting, your guns take the forms of big-tittied blonde ladies. If only I could get my guns to do the same..."
Ignoring Alucard, Kid suddenly saw Patti's misalignment from his peripheral vision. His blood began to boil upon picturing the disgusting sight - how DARE she?! The three of them would form an exactly symmetrical position - the very essence of perfection. What better way to strike fear into the hearts of opponents than by instantly showing off perfection?
And for Patti to throw that all out on this important battle?! Despicable.
"Patti!" Kid shouted, suddenly standing on his feet. His face had turned a bright red from his anger and he was pointing down at Patti's feet. "Your stance is off again! The two of you aren't align!"
Patti looked down at the ground, then suddenly stepped to the side as she gave Kid an innocent smile. "I'm sorry, Kid~! Won't happen again, promise~!"
Kid sighed. "Look, Patti. Symmetry is the most important thing in the-"
Before Kid could finish what he was about to say, Alucard had pulled out .454 Casull once more and fired down at Kid's feet. In a moment's notice, Kid quickly stepped to the side, dodging the gun's blast as the bullet created a tiny hole in the ground.
"Look, unless you're here to give me these big-tittied women as my own guns, or fight me, you have no business being here." Alucard said to Kid. "Hmm... Integra's right. I really do need to stop going on walks..."
Liz then slapped Kid across the face. "No time to worry about symmetry! This Kishin is dangerous! Let's take him out fast!" Liz shouted to Kid. Kid nodded as Liz and Patti returned to their gun forms in Kid's hands. Not a moment too soon, Alucard and Kid pointed their guns at each other.
Fight!
(Cue Frank West's Theme - Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3)
With a click of each of their guns, both gunslingers immediately unloaded on each other. The bullets collided with each other mid-air, or they would fly right through the opponents' skin and clothes. Almost immediately after the bullets' penetration, however, their wounds would heal to perfect health. After a few seconds of bullets flying around and the incessant "BANG!" sound repeating, both fighters stopped firing their guns.
"Huh. We've made quite a mess, haven't we?" asked Alucard. Kid looked down at the ground to see that the concrete had been stained red with puddles of blood. Even though both fighters' wounds had been completely healed, it seemed that any regular human who had lost all that blood would die.
Fortunately, Kid and Alucard were anything BUT regular humans.
"Kid, why'd you stop? He stopped!" Liz asked Kid, trembling in his hand.
Kid's eye twitched for a second, then turned to face Liz. "Look, regular gunshots aren't doing anything. Maybe we just need to find a weak point on him. I'm trying to determine..." Kid looked right back at Alucard, only to notice something that would change the course of this battle completely.
Death the Kid gasped in satisfaction as he noticed that Alucard was completely symmetrical. His glasses, hat, suit... everything about him. Even the slightest details like the hair on his head was one-hundred percent symmetrical.
And Kid just had to see this.
"Perfect... symmetry..." Kid muttered to himself.
Patti began to laugh, shaking in Kid's hand wildly. Liz gave a frustrated sigh as Alucard grinned in amusement.
"Look below you." Alucard said to Kid. Mesmerized, Death the Kid looked down onto the ground. He saw blood forming between the cracks of the concrete ground, starting to brown from the drying out - and right before he could notice any fine details, he found himself taking a powerful gunshot between the eyes. Kid fell down onto his back, the hole in his head just starting to heal.
Alucard chuckled, approaching the downed Kid. He stepped down onto Kid's head, grinning in amusement. "Seriously? That's it? Come on, if you're going to kill me, the LEAST you could do is let me see those girls' sweet tits - or, you know, actually give me a good fight!" Alucard taunted, pointing Jackal to Kid's ear.
"Now would be a good time to, y'know... stop worrying so much about symmetry?!" Liz shouted, rattling in Kid's hand furiously. Kid nodded, then he pointed Patti toward Alucard's head and fired. Alucard moved his head out of the way, but during his body shift he got off of Kid. The Shinigami took this opportunity to get up onto his feet and deliver a hard uppercut into Alucard's chin. The force of the blow knocked Alucard upward slightly, but Alucard responded with a kick toward Death the Kid's chest. Kid quickly put his arms up in an "x" shape, blocking his chest from any sort of damage. Alucard fell back down onto the ground, but Kid's arms were now hurting a little.
"That was a tough hit...!" Patti stated.
Kid sighed at Patti's comment. "Yes, but I have a feeling that this is only the beginning of the battle." Kid replied. He delivered a hard punch into Alucard's chest, but Alucard quickly sidestepped around Kid's punch. Alucard elbowed Kid in the back then pointed Jackall toward Kid's back, and fired.
BANG!
Before the bullet could even leave the gun, Kid turned out of the way. He ducked underneath Alucard's chin, pointing Liz and Patti beneath the fuckmothering vampire's chin. He fired both guns upward.
BANG!
Alucard nimbly arched his back over, moving his head out of the way of the guns. The vampire delivered a punch toward Kid's head and fired-
BANG!
-but Kid shifted his head to the side, dodging the bullet. Kid responded with a punch of his own, but Alucard punched back, his body being adjacently diagonal to Kid. The two's arms were interlocked with each other.
"Kid, now's our chance! You need to find a way to strike him!" Liz instructed.
Death the Kid sighed, grunting in pain. "Liz! We're in a completely symmetrical position right now! I can't!"
Liz sighed in frustration, but then Alucard suddenly bashed Kid's head with his own head. Kid shouted out in pain as Alucard shoved the barrels of Jackal and .454 Casull into Kid's ribcage, then fired.
BANG!
The splattering of blood was clearly visible from the gunshot, and Kid was launched back against the walls of a house. Before he made impact, he fired three blasts each from Liz and Patti at the vampire.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Alucard shifted his body around all of the bullets, then ran toward Kid as he fell into the side of the house. He grinned, looking into the metal walls of Kid's guns - and saw the reflections of Liz and Patti's faces in them. He grinned, then as he approached Kid he punched into the Shinigami's stomach. Kid let out a "hurk!" as he coughed up a bit of blood.
"Hmm. I'm a little disappointed. I at least thought you'd put up something of a-"
Before Alucard could finish his sentence, Kid struck Alucard across the cheek with a powerful roundhouse kick. A piece of skin from Alucard's cheek fell right off his face as blood splattered out. Alucard fell down to the ground as Kid held Liz and Patti aloft.
"Now might be a good time to do it, Kid!" Liz suggested.
Kid nodded in agreement as he held Liz and Patti in an "x" shape.
"LET'S GO, SOUL RESONANCE!" Kid, Liz, and Patti shouted in unison.
(Cue Death the Kid's theme again)
Suddenly, Liz and Patti had taken the form of slightly-larger-than normal Desert Eagles, and a purple aura emanated from the two of them.
"Transform into big-tittied ladies AND Desert Eagles? You've got quite the guns there, kid." Alucard told the Shinigami with a grin.
"That's not ALL we can do~!" Patti replied.
Ignoring what Patti said to Alucard, Kid raised Liz and Patti skyward. As Kid's Soul Wavelength emanated throughout the alleyway, the Shinigami fired Liz and Patti continuously, slowly lowering his arms as he fired. The stream of bullets resembled a cascading waterfall.
BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!
Kid began to pant, slightly tired out from using so much of his Soul Wavelength. Purple smoke and a blood-red mist filled the area as Kid's attack finished. After all the smoke and mist cleared, a pool of blood and various pieces of Alucard's body were strewn about. There was even a collection of red Kishin souls floating around!
Most opponents would believe themselves to be victorious in this scenario. But Kid stayed on his guard, continuing to hold Liz and Patti in a defensive position. Kid could still feel his presence. And he felt countless souls.
This battle was far from over.
"Great, I've been reverted to a pool of blood with no-BODY to support me!" Kid could hear Alucard's voice from the pool of blood. Kid and Liz groaned upon hearing this joke as they could both hear Patti laughing hysterically. Within seconds, the blood began to stand up as Alucard's body was reformed completely. "Hmm... I should probably get those souls back..." Alucard knelt down to pick up one of the Kishin souls that was expelled from his body, but before he could do anything with it, Kid shot the soul right out of his hand. "-On second thought, I have much more of these than I know what to do with anyway."
Alucard drew Jackal from his pocket and fired at Kid once more-
BANG!
Kid quickly moved his body out of the attack's range, but suddenly he saw that Alucard had disappeared from his sights completely. Kid could still feel the presence of his soul, but could not see him. "Now, where did the Kishin go?"
Suddenly, Kid saw a slightly-larger-than average bullet moving toward his left eye. Not a moment too soon, Kid moved his head out of the way. However, Kid not even see who had fired it. Before Kid, Liz, or Patti could even figure out the source of the bullet, Alucard reappeared behind the Shinigami gunslinger and kicked him in the back of the neck. The impact knocked Kid face-down onto the ground, and knocked Liz and Patti out of his hands.
Alucard slowly approached Death the Kid, grinning. "Ah, Kid, you cheeky dick waffle, it's too bad you couldn't put up as much of a fight as I wanted-" Alucard taunted with a grin, stomping on Kid's head. A "crack!" could be heard as Alucard's foot made contact. "Now, I think I've spent a little too much time on you-"
Before Alucard could finish his sentence, he felt a blast of Soul Wavelength energy penetrate his soldier. Alucard fell down off of Kid's body as blood splattered from his shoulder. While Alucard was able to regenerate from the blow with ease, he had still been left upon the ground.
The screen cut to Patti Thompson, standing upright and wielding Liz. "I got him~!"
"Okay, Patti, we can return to Kid now!" shouted Liz. Patti transformed back into her Desert Eagle form as the two guns returned to Kid's hands. Alucard got right back up and fired both his guns into Death the Kid's chest.
BANG!
Blood splattered from Kid's chest as he flew backward, and suddenly a black shadow in the form of a sword sliced across Kid's shoulder diagonally. Kid screamed out as blood spilled onto the ground and he spit blood onto the concrete as his arm fell down on the ground.
"Ha, ha! You've been dis-ARMED!" Alucard taunted, holding his stomach from laughter.
Kid's face began to tense up in frustration. "How dare you?! You just made me asymmetrical! You turned me into nothing but garbage! You..." Kid's face began to grow red as a similar shadow emerged from his arm in a claw-like shape, reaching for the arm on his ground and placing it back on his shoulder.
"You've forced us to do this, Kishin Alucard." Kid said to his opponent.
"LET'S GO, SOUL RESONANCE!" Kid, Liz, and Patti shouted in unison. A purple mist emanated from each one as a bright purple beam of Soul Wavelength energy erupted into the air. When the smoke and purple mist cleared, Liz and Patti had turned into large, smoking cannons on each of his arms.
"And now your girls turn into cannons? Impressive." Alucard noted.
(Cue Stains of Time - Metal Gear Rising)
"But not impressive enough to defeat me, the best fuckmothering vampire around!" Alucard shouted. Kid fired two blasts of Soul Wavelength energy from the cannons on his arms, doing flips in the air as he landed the attacks. Alucard did similar flips around the blasts to avoid them, and fired with both of his guns. Kid ran backwards and flipped around the attacks as Alucard ran forward and flipped with his own. Kid fired off one last blast from his cannons, resulting in an explosion of purple light upon his target...
...Which resulted in nothing climactic as Death the Kid turned to face Alucard, right in front of him. Now, Alucard was missing his hat and his glasses for whatever reason.
"Look into my eyes, Kid. No seriously, I lost some loose change in there the other day. Can you find it in them?"
Kid could not stop himself from looking Alucard in the eyes. "No... I can't-"
Alucard's illusion
Death the Kid suddenly saw himself in front of a gigantic square wall, two-sided. It was divided by a straight line. One side was a solid blood-red color; the other side was a solid black with three white, solid stripes.
But it was asymmetrical.
"Dis...gust...ing!" shouted Kid. He held his hands onto his head, his face beginning to tense up even more. He squeezed his head as hard as he could, the wall starting to fade into a white color. Kid was beginning to be afflicted with the worst headache he'd ever had in his life as it felt like his head would split laterally down the middle.
And then the illusion faded.
"What? You mean there WASN'T any loose change in there?" asked Alucard as Kid regained consciousness.
Death the Kid glared at Alucard, still looking him in the eyes. "That was a cheap trick, you know." Alucard gasped as Kid delivered a side kick into Alucard's neck, splattering blood from his mouth. Then Kid thrust both his cannons into Alucard's chest, firing two large blasts of Soul Wavelength as Alucard was sent flying beyond the horizon.
But Kid wasn't about to let Alucard get away. Beelzebub appeared beneath Kid's feet as the Shinigami began to race toward Alucard's still flying-away body.
Alucard saw Kid approaching from the distance. "A man cannot fuck a monster- oh wait, that's not how the saying goes. A man cannot kill a monster. And that kid is definitely not a man." Alucard muttered as he quickly caught his footing, only to eat another blast of Soul Wavelength from Kid's cannons. Alucard fell down onto the ground, more Kishin souls beginning to be strewn about.
"Alucard... your soul is mine!" Kid shouted, pointing both of his smoking cannons at him.
Alucard chuckled at Kid in response. "Which one?"
Kid groaned, but then Alucard began to conjure up the surrounding familiars and shadows in the area. Eye-like objects began to form all over his body.
"A monster shaped like a woman may have big tits- oh wait, it's actually, a monster in the form of a man is still a monster!" Alucard said to Kid, transforming his body into the Eldritch Horror that was his Level 1. Eyes began to form around his body as shadows surrounded him. His hand turned into a monstrous mouth, teeth and all. He swung his arm at Kid, but the Shinigami circled around Alucard on Beelzebub to evade the attack - or at least he tried, as Kid grunted in agony as the monster-arm big onto his arm.
"Gah!" shouted Kid. He tried to shake the monster arm's mouth off of his own arm, but could not shake the beast. "Let go!" Death the Kid shouted, firing his cannon into Alucard's head again. Still, to no avail.
Suddenly, Alucard lifted up Death the Kid's body to his mouth - and then he bit down onto Kid's neck.
"Your soul... it tastes kinda like... actually, I can't describe this taste. Oh well, it tastes like big-tittied blonde girls being my new guns!" Alucard said to Kid, beginning to absorb his memories and his abilities. Kid grunted in agony as he felt himself growing weaker and weaker. There needed to be some way out of this.
"Kid! You should try that Madness of Order thing~!" Patti suggested.
"Madness... of... Order?" asked Kid. He suddenly remembered the great control over another's will that he could actually tap into. Kid always hated using this ability - no one should ever have that much control over another's will. It was dehumanizing, trivializing, and outright despicable.
If there was anything worse than asymmetry, it was the fact that the Madness of Order existed.
But Kid had to do something.
"LET'S GO, SOUL RESONANCE!" shouted Kid, Liz, and Patti all at once. The white lines on Death the Kid's head all began to connect to each other, and an aura in the shape of Kid's soul began to materialize. Suddenly, Kid freed himself of Alucard's grasp as the three of them had gone into Execution Mode.
Kid jumped up into the air, acquiring flight using jets of Soul Wavelength. "You are now nothing but a mindless puppet for me to control." Kid stated to Alucard.
"Please, don't be ridiculous. If you're going to have ANY piece of ass be a mindless puppet, why not make it a big-tittied blonde babe? You know, like one of your guns-" but before Alucard could finish his sentence, he found himself completely immobilized. He could not control any of his souls. Nor could he summon his familiars. It was almost as if he had been stripped of his own free will.
"This new form of yours... it's disgusting." Kid muttered. The cannons on Kid's arms had turned a bright golden color, and suddenly five coffin-shaped cannons surrounded Kid. The coffin cannons, as well as the cannons on Kid's arms, all pointed at Alucard.
Alucard gave a short smile as a tear dripped down his eye. "Well... at least the girls are human. I'll tell Integra that I scored with two blonde babes. But man, I should really stop going on walks..."
Seven rays of Soul Wavelength all fired from the cannons and converged upon Alucard, the Crimson Fuckr not even reacting as his whole body was eclipsed by the radiant purple light. A huge explosion encompassed all of the surrounding area as a huge explosion of blood and Kishin souls erupted from the blast. Skull-shaped smoke rose from the area, but there was nothing remaining of the man who was one known as Alucard.
That last attack left Kid and his guns exhausted. Liz and Patti reverted to their human forms, in total awe at all the souls left behind. Just like Kid had stated, there were enough souls to turn the girls into Death Scythes eight times over and then some.
Alucard was a complete monster, and he embraced that.
"Well, I suppose this means we can go home now-" Kid was about to begin.
"Kid, there's, like seven-hundred souls here~!" Patti stated. Kid's Shinigami blood began to boil as he glared at Patti.
"Please! Don't say seven! Say eight! Eight is symmetrical and perfect!"
"Kid, are you really doing this again?" asked Liz, smiling and trying to hold back laughter.
While Alucard had a reputation for being one of the most feared vampires around, to Kid and his guns he was nothing more than a Kishin.
KO!
Excalibur: FOOL! If he had taken me into battle, then this would have been over in seconds!
Gilgamesh: For mongrels, that was rather impressive.
Kyoko: Shut it, you two! I want to hear an explanation!
Boomstick: Yeah, Wiz!
Wiz:...
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
Explainations:
Wiz: Anyway... Alucard may have far more experience than Kid, but that is his biggest advantage. Alucard is arguably stronger in terms of lifting strength, but in sheer striking power there's a huge difference. Kid is strong enough to create craters in the ground just by kicking, and combined with superior martial arts skills, you've got a decisive close-quarters victory.
Boomstick: But this fight would not be won by whoever was best at close-combat! Hell no! It wasn't really a question which guns are better. Alucard's guns can take out a wall or so, but Kid's guns, at full power, can take out buildings by themselves!
Wiz: In terms of speed and durability, Kid takes both of those comfortably. While Death the Kid's moon-dodging feat has been debunked by virtue of Soul Eater's moon still being inside of the Earth's atmosphere, it is still far more impressive than anything Alucard has done. Also, Kid has Beelzebub, his skateboard, to make him even faster.
Boomstick: And Kid's body can endure tons of pressure, like attacks from Kishin Asura! And even before he reached his maximum power. Alucard may be able to regenerate from pools of blood and nothing but a decapitated head, but in terms of sheer durability, Kid takes it.
Wiz: In theory, Alucard COULD stall out this battle forever. But since Kid's bullets are made from his Soul Wavelength, they specifically target a foe's soul. While Alucard has countless souls within him, remember that Kid has fought against the vampire Free, a very similar foe to Alucard in terms of attack patterns and abilities. Alucard's illusions were also useless, as Kid has resisted Free's illusions and Asura's Madness Waves.
Boomstick: Alucard's Level 1 could level the playing field against Kid's Lines of Sanzu, but then Kid's Madness of Order comes in. And that basically ruins any chance Alucard has of taking victory, as he essentially becomes Kid's mindless puppet. Combined with Kid's superior strength, speed, and durability, this one was just uphill for Alucard from the beginning. Poor guy. Just lost his soul chance of victory.
Wiz: The winner is Death the Kid.
(Death Battle Gate closes and then opens once more)
Next Time on Fanfic Death Battle:
KR: Alright Everyone. Next Time it will be two lab rats fighting to death.
AK211: Wolvy is back, but who's he gonna be facing?
KR: You find out with us along side Wiz, Boomstick, Edgeworth, Morrigan and Papyrus.
AK211: So much cast people, don't you think?
KR: And if you have an idea for a Fanfic Death Battle, Leave it in the reviews.
AK211: And Rate & Review please.
KR: KR & AK211 are Out.
AK211: See Ya Next Time.