Author's Notes: I realize it's been forever since I updated this fic but frankly I was running out of ideas but here we are and here's another update. Enjoy!
I don't own death note or fatties.
5th November 2004
Light [Age 18]:
Dear Diary,
I'm officially the smartest guy on planet earth. If you have any doubts and think it's L and not me you'd be wrong because L is no longer a part of this planet….or can't really contribute to the planet anymore. YES DIARY! YES! I have obliterated my only competition and now I can sit my ass down and pretend to be Kira, Light and L…..I'M THE M'FUCKING KING OF THE WORLD! I would've preferred it if I would've gotten to sleep with him before I killed him but too bad the only physical contact I had with him was when he fell out of his chair into my arms. Regretted decision for like 5 seconds.
Still an anal virgin…boohoo!
L [Dead]:
Dear Diary,
The weirdest thing happened. We had a shinigami amongst us….just to mention in case I hadn't already. And I was having a nice chit chat with Watari when shinigami disappears and Watari stops talking and deletes all data. VERY ANNOYED about being ignored till I realized he was probably dead. Was about to tell the rest that I was fearing for life when pang in heart made me fall out of chair right into Light's arms. EWW! Anyways have confirmed Light is kira. Unfortunately cannot make any moves to tell the rest since am now nothing but a metaphysical being.
Will go gambling with shinigamis later.
Near [Age 13]:
Dear Diary,
Had the weirdest dream today. It was about L….woke up in cold sweat….dreamt L stole Mello's chocolate and Mello was having withdrawal symptoms and turned into a scary muscular body building boxer and beat the shit out of me while Matt cowered in a corner avoiding Muscular Mello. Saw Mello this morning had a stroke like thing….pointed at him and screamed 'MUSCULAR MELLO! ZOMG MELLO IS HUGE!'
Mello can cure strokes with bitch slaps.
Mello [Age 14]:
Dear Diary,
Feeling very insecure about looks right now. Near pointed at me and screamed something about me being muscular and fat. Bitch slapped to make him shut him up because people were gawking. Ran back to room and checked weight. I gained 2 pounds! Cried eyes out. I'm so sad diary! I don't wanna be fat! Matt tried comforting but I know he'll leave me if I get fat. What do I do diary?
I love Matt…I can't lose pretty self!
Matt [Age 14]:
Dear Diary,
Strangest thing happened. I was skipping class sitting in room playing games when Mello barged in and ran to the bathroom. That's not the weird part. That happens a lot actually since Mello refuses to use any other bathroom…something about hygiene. What's weird though is he came out bawling and fell into his bed beating fists against the mattress. I didn't understand what the mattress did to offend him so but anyways I went to him and he said not to touch him because he's fat and I won't like touching him. I whined but he won't let me touch. Apparently, no sexy time for Matt tonight.
Going to have to fap. Sighs.