25 The Weekend
Saturday - All Ours
On Saturday the boys first set up Kate's sound system to provide music for their labors, then moved on to sorting out connections between the telly, Xbox and DVD player linking all to the sound system, endlessly discussing the merits of various locations for the myriad speakers in this spacious room. Kate weighed in on this from time to time with suggestions that proved to be apt, winning grudging admiration from Laurence once again.
They spent the rest of the day industriously sorting through the remaining boxes, finding homes for things, moving the items left in unlikely places by the movers to proper locations, and generally turning the flat into a functional home. The boys carted away stacks of boxes and rubbish to the room at the foot of the freight elevator where Mr. Jenkins, the custodian had designated a place for them and came back for more.
Kate was put in charge of cooking, mainly because the kitchen was largely organized already and Caroline hoped that this activity would satisfy her need to be useful while keeping her from undue strain. William was sent to the market with a detailed list while Laurence manhandled boxes of books, feeding them to his Mum, on the floor filling the low shelves beneath the long bank of windows.
Kate, in the kitchen, elbows on the counter during part of this procedure marveling at how a woman of Caroline's stature could manage to look so elegant and graceful on the floor filling bookshelves. Listening to the two of them bantering about the proper sorting method, Laurence, always the devil's advocate, arguing for arrangement by color and Caroline insisting upon author's last name. Tears filled Kate's eyes. It was such a short time ago that she had been so lonely and desolate without Caroline. Now here they all were, making a home together, the house filled with music, laughter and banter; working, cooking and eating together. It was strange how life could take a sharp turn like this sometimes.
Looking up to see how Kate was faring in the kitchen, Caroline was stricken to see her wiping a tear away. Springing to her feet she asked Laurence to carry all the empty book boxes to the foyer then take them downstairs to dispose of them. Assisting him with getting the empties as far as the foyer, she thanked him and went inside, closing the door behind her.
Kate had meantime gone back to busying herself in the kitchen but Caroline took her by the hand and steered her to the couch, "Is everything alright? Are you OK?"
Leaning back Kate gave her the loving smile that always caused her heart to skip a beat, "I'm fine, Caroline."
Gently insistent, chin up challenging, "I saw you wiping your eyes. "What was that?"
Pulling Caroline into her, under an arm, "Happiness Caroline, pure happiness." Seeing the doubt in searching blue eyes, "I was just thinking how glad I am that I worked up the courage to come back and ask you to dance."
"Oh Kate. So am I. And I'm glad I found the courage to say yes to you." Misting over, "I don't even want to think where we would be today if either of us had gotten that wrong."
"Less than two weeks ago I was alone and miserable. Now look at us. Caroline, I don't know how I could be happier." Then twisting at a sharp movement within, "Maybe to have her delivered safely, that is the only other thing that could add to my happiness." Sorrow in her face, "Well, and to have Dad restored to us."
Caroline nodded, knowing that this grief was never far from Kate's mind but there was nothing to be done about it. She simply held Kate a little tighter.
Content for the moment to take a break and enjoy the quiet while it lasted, the two women remained on the couch wrapped up in one another and cherishing the happiness that had taken over their lives.
Laurence, having disposed of the boxes and trash that had accumulated in the foyer, knew that he had been intentionally dismissed. Something was going on between them. Well, there was always something going on between them wasn't there? It was exhausting trying to keep up with it all. Sometimes it was nice to take a break from them, so he took a seat on the edge of the small loading dock. It wasn't warm out but he was protected from the wind and the sun felt good on his face.
It had been very busy suddenly after the quiet of his Mum and him rattling around the old house. Gran and Alan's wedding, the full house over Christmas, the Rugby trip, the news about his Mum and Kate and the baby, then this move. It was all becoming a blur. Seeing the Jeep pull into the parking garage, Laurence jumped down and went to help Will. Pulling up one of the various sorts of trolleys available for use of the residents who had too many packages and shopping to comfortably carry in their arms he greeted Will, "You're finally back, Beano boy."
"What're you doing out here?"
Stacking carrier bags into the tiered baskets, "Tossed out."
"Why?" Concerned, "You been causing trouble?"
Nettled, "Why does everyone assume I'm causing trouble? It's them. They're having some private pow-wow."
"What's up?"
"How should I know? They're always having 'em aren't they? Every time you turn a corner, there they are kissing and whispering."
"They've just gotten back together. They are still working things out. It'll get better."
"You think you know everything because you have a girlfriend now." Kicking at the loose wheel of the trolley, "Its me left here with them on my own soon. You'll be off to university next week and well out of it."
Will, seeing the truth in this was suddenly sympathetic. "You can always call me. You know, get it off your chest, maybe you'll feel better."
Receiving no response, Will took no notice. He was used to being treated dismissively by his younger brother. He also knew he'd be receiving texts and calls because Laurence had trouble keeping things to himself.
Sunday
On Sunday, they had boxes unpacked, laundry finished and put away and the kitchen in order by mid-afternoon. Caroline offered to treat the boys to the cinema as a token thank you for all that they had done to make the move a success. Happy to take her up on this, they bickered for a bit about which film to see, then took themselves off in a rush leaving behind a very quiet flat.
Drawing Kate down on the couch with her, Caroline let out a deep breath in a way that amused Kate because she only did it when she was very nervous, very stressed, very tired or all three. Today she knew it was fatigue.
Pushing her back against the armrest Kate moved in positioning herself so that she could see Caroline's face. Shaking her head and stroking strands of hair away from the face that was 'full on freckles' today, Kate answered Caroline's standard 'What?'. "Well, you've totally exhausted yourself but you've done it."
Unable to contain the smug smile that found its way to her face, she rubbed a thumb gently back and forth over the little point on Kate's upper lip that always drove her wild, "You thought I couldn't?"
"Never doubted you. Not even for a moment." Doling out a quick kiss, "You were brilliant. I've never been bad at moving house," looking at Caroline pointedly, "when I was allowed to participate, but this was executed with military precision." Thinking back, "I've never actually seen movers this organized. That number and letter system for getting everything to the right roo…" Rearing back to get a better look at Caroline's face, now going pink, "The movers didn't have that system before Thursday, did they?"
"Weelll, no, but they did do a good job with it once I explained it to them."
Kate burst out laughing and after a moment Caroline laughed too. Not that she saw the joke really but she did like to laugh with Kate. It was so good to see Kate relaxed and happy rather than cold and… Nope. Not going there today. Enjoy the moment. "Kate." Once she had dived deep into the warm brown eyes, Caroline said in a voice full of awe, "We're in our own home. Ours. You and me." Tears welling, "It's all ours Kate."
Kate kissed her again, a kiss so soft that she could feel the tremble in the lips of this amazing woman who could organize the moving of two entire households in three days and who was still so sensitive that she could be crying in an instant. As she bent to kiss her again, Caroline's lips reached up for her and this kiss was unbearably poignant, somehow filled with all the joy, angst, excitement, sorrow, confusion, pain, and elation of the last year until both women were in tears and all they could do was hold one another close.
When she could speak, "Kate, I'm afraid for how happy we are at this moment." Looking into loving eyes. "If I were any happier I would simply vaporize and if this is the happiest point in our lives then everything else will be less and I can't bear to think that of the rest of our lives."
Kissing each blue eye in turn, giving herself space to think, Kate finally said gently, "No one said there could only be one pinnacle of happiness in each life." Continuing slowly, "If we're mindful every day of all that we have, and grateful and we live that way, sharing our joy with others then maybe we can live on a high plane of happiness most of the time. Maybe not the pinnacle every day but somewhere close and every once in a while if we are very lucky we can get back to the pinnacle.
Caroline considered this, nodded and pulled Kate in tight again, unwilling to surrender this moment so close to the tip top of happiness.
Sunday Night
Caroline expelled another long breath and Kate said, "we can turn the light out if you're tired."
"We did have a nap a this afternoon, I'm not that tired."
"What are you thinking about then?"
"Just tomorrow."
"What is so bad about tomorrow?"
Glancing over quickly, "not bad really… just…" How did she do that? It was a little alarming how well Kate could read her.
Kate rolled onto an elbow and turned Caroline's face toward her with her fingers. "What?"
Giving a little shrug, "I promised you once that I wouldn't be a coward again. It's just that I'm not feeling very brave about tomorrow."
Regarding her for a moment, Kate thought again about the complexity of this woman who she knew would fight like a tigress for her or the boys and yet was so afraid of public opinion. She began slowly, softly, "Caroline, I don't know what you think is going to happen tomorrow but I don't believe it is going to be nearly as bad as you imagine." Seeing no lessening of tension, she went on. "It will be a lot like the day we took Laurence to catch the rugby bus. People will be more surprised that we are back together than that we are together. Do you see what I mean?"
"So, you're saying that they really did all know about us before?"
Trying not to laugh, Kate allowed herself a gentle smile, "I told you they did. Felicity did, Gavin and Tom as much as told you so the other day."
"None of them said anything to me before."
"Well, they wouldn't be very likely to, would they?"
Concerned now, "I'm not that much of an ogre, am I?"
Laughing now, "No Caroline. It's just that people don't go around tweaking the boss about her or his sexual orientation, now do they?"
Smiling for a minute, Caroline sobered, "So, what did they say to you?"
"It wasn't so much what was said as the sly looks, the overheard comment, feeling them all watching me."
Caroline sat up now and turned to Kate, "You really did get the worst of it, didn't you?" Watching Kate's shrug as she rolled onto her back. "On top of all that went on at Conway Drive you had to deal with all of them alone too." Her face working again for control, "Oh Kate, I am so sorry. You've dealt with it all before and now you have it all to deal with again. And I'm worried about me tomorrow. Jesus, I am such a selfish bitch."
"Don't swear." Sitting up now, too, "It doesn't matter."
"How can it not matter?"
Patiently, "Caroline, if your skin is the color of mine, you become aware of all of those things very early in life." Not really wanting to talk about this, "eventually, if you try, you can filter a lot of it out, like white noise, it is always there but you don't hear it so much anymore."
Stricken, "Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry. I never thought that you'd be treated like that."
A little cool now, "Didn't you? Why would you think that I would be the exception?"
Stammering now, "I I… I thought we'd evolved… gotten past that now. You're always so calm, so poised…" stopping herself, "I can see by your face that we are not beyond the bigotry yet. Kate I'm sorry that I've been so thoughtless."
The coolness had dissipated but the warmth was not back. "Caroline, if I seem poised to you, it is because my parents taught me to be that way. They trained us, Kevin and I, what to block out and what to stay attuned to for our own safety. We learned it early and we learned it often." Leveling a look at Caroline, "No, it doesn't happen to me as much these days. Mostly I travel in circles where they are too polite to let it show… much." Putting her hands on either side of her belly, "Rest assured that she'll get it good and strong at school. But it will happen from the day she is born and it's going to happen to you now too. So, not to put too fine a point on it, you need to prepare yourself. And the boys." Watching Caroline as she sat there, eyes full of pain for her, horrified at what she'd had to contend with, what their child would need to contend with. But there was nothing Kate could take back, nothing she could soften.
"Kate, I am sorry."
"I know Caroline. It isn't your fault, it just is. It isn't your fault that your parents made you so keenly aware of other people's opinions and mine had to do just the opposite. And we will have to do the same for Callie. Do what my parents did for Kevin and I."
Embarrassed, "Suddenly tomorrow doesn't seem so important."
Smiling her warm smile again and taking Caroline's hand, "It will be important while you are going through it. Smile and engage with the people who are kind, ignore the rest. You have Gavin and Tom on your side already, there'll be others. Beverley.
Weakly, "Beverley?"
Smiling smugly, "How did you think I got in to see you so often?"