A/N: This came out of nowhere. Anyway, this is a letter fic.
Are you happy? I...I've always thought that I could give you what you needed. You know, in the case that she not come back to you. I was ready to finally gather my courage and step up. But of course she did and I thought...that I could let you go and move on. Become a Rachel who didn't want you so badly anymore. I didn't intend to ever tell you I've been harboring this deep and resounding desire for you. But I couldn't help myself sending this letter, this last attempt before I raised the white flag. So it's important that you're honest Santana.
Even if all you say is that you'd rather be unhappy with her than happy with me. It will undoubtedly hurt me, but you wouldn't be the first to do so.
It isn't either that I want Brittany to hurt, I do not. But as you and the others have always said, I'm exceddingly selfish, correct? Self-serving?
There was a time when I wanted to be different. Someone you could want. I tried to find something inside me that was worthy of you, but there was nothing. So I decided to change. Change my face, my wardrobe, my personality. But then, someone I once trusted, Finn, told me there was nothing wrong with me, that I was beautiful. I believed him, but in the end it seems his words were as empty as those of the fathers who once claimed to love me.
Regardless of the fact that I'll never be deserving of you, I know I can make you happy. Help you achieve your dreams and give you the children you've been afraid to admit you want.
When we were younger I was afraid to send a letter very similar to this one. The person you had to be to protect her would have spread it around McKinley without a second thought. Now that I think about it, perhaps that would not have been so terrible.
It is important to me that both you and Brittany know that it's not my intention to tear apart your relationship or cause any problems to occur. It's just that there's this constant, dull, deep ache in my chest that has your name on it Santana. I've become accustomed to it and regardless of that I thought i could get over it...over you. It seems to me now that I'll carry my love for you with me for far longer than I originally thought. Goodbye for now, Santana.
Sincerely,
Rachel Barbra Berry