37. Tell
(Shiz/Mai, Romance Drama… Playing with dialogue.)
"Don't lie to me…" – Despondent.
"I'm not…" – Another lie.
"Shizuru…" – Searching for the truth.
"Mai…" A coy deception.
"I love you, Shizuru…" Honesty.
"I…can't return your feelings." A bold faced denial.
"You can." – Insight. "You do, Shizuru."
"Do I?" – A question grounded in fear.
It was a matter of want and desire pitted completely against need and denial. A fear of rejection slipping in-between them, because this emotion, insane as it was, was not something either of them handled well. They both loved too deeply, too fully, to ever really know how to navigate the four letter word. It might as well have been a curse. In some ways, it was a curse...one that they could not, and would never escape.
"I need you." – A press for an outcome. "You need me too, we've been through this."
"I don't." – A firm repression. "I want to have sex with you, so I do. It ends there Mai, I don't…"
"You don't what?" – Anger, digging deeper, igniting pain and rage.
"I don't need you in my life." – A cold response, nearly choking her.
"I don't believe that…" – Icy, white hot, murmured, shrouded in sadness.
"I..I love Natsuki…" – A broken reason. A failed reality. "She's the love of my life…"
"But I'm…the one you come to." – Shyness, gentleness, warmth. "We talk, you know…we really do, and I think I know you pretty well. You care about Natsuki, but, is it love? Can you really say that, when you come to me the way you do?"
Shared words, secretes, hopes, and dreams, exchanged in an embrace that neither of them would be afforded otherwise. It was, in some ways, it's own personal hell. In other ways, it was nirvana. Perfect, in every way.
"…" Voiceless, no words, no apologies, no commitment.
"If you love her, you can go." – Defeat. "I…I won't stop you."
Running away, that's what it would be, so Shizuru didn't move. She didn't open the door and walk away. She merely stayed her place, even though promised herself…she would never say those words…never again…
"I don't love you…" – A plea to be understood. "I don't…"
"Yes…you do…" – A rift crossed, a gap closed…
Victory won….