Whoops, I guess I have been neglecting this for a very long time. Please accept my most sincere apologies. I have been quite busy figuring out university stuff so I can go in September. I hope to do a course in creative writing and the creative industry. :)

Anyhoo, enjoy!

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Twenty Five – Sexy Tools

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

(Who is Justin? WHAT ARE NREDZ?!)

(Sometimes, just sometimes, I have an intense need to know the true story behind this fic. Can someone please make a documentary or something?)

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I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again.

(Meaningful relationship development, lol what's that? Ugh, this fic is basically the precursor to those dumb Alpha/Omaga shitfountains everyone seems to keep writing.)

We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car. (And of course she has to specify that it is in fact a black car…like we hadn't already figured it out or something.)

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

(I have nothing to say about this sentence. Nothing at all.)

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." (WHY NOT TODAY?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?! DOES SHE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE FUCKING ANSWER TO ARRIVE VIA OWL OR SOMETHING!?)

I grumbled in a sexy voice. (Um…okay.) He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it (Wat), and gave it to me to spork.

(Lol, it really does spork itself!)

He started to fly the car into a tree (Well yes, that will happen if you try to drive while FUCKING HIGH AS A KITE!) and we went to the top of it. (That's not how trees work honey.)

Draco put on some MCR. (Ah yes, the most romantic of all angsty tweenage bands.)

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice.

(Okay I know I talk smack about MCR all the time, but I'm sure they have some more romantic/meaningful songs out there to pick from. They can't all be whiney emo bullshit, right?)

(RIGHT?!)

We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. (Like…tilling the soil? Idk how that would work but okay, whatever. This fic has had stranger shit.) He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. (Bar? Does she mean bra? A LEATHER BRA? WTF?! ENOBY WOULD BE IN SO MUCH PAIN HOLY SHIT, FUCKING LEATHER!?) I took of his black boxers. (And ofc, she has to specify what colour they are…bc reasons. Goffik reasons.)

(Are you ready for another of the greatest/worst descriptions of sex ever?)

(GET SET, READY, HERE WE GO!)

Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

*passes out the good 'ol bottles of brain bleach*

(There you have it folks. Our girl Enoby has a dick. My headcanon has officially become canon.)

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. (Jesus, that was quick.) We stated frenching passively.

"Ugh, je m'ennuie."

"Moi aussi."

Suddenly… I fell asleep.

*whale/seal sounds*

(Welp, I guess it can't have been that good then.)

I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. (Having long black hair doesn't mean you're 'goffik' Tara, it just means they like having long hair.)

(On that note, three cheers for long haired men.)

(I likes me some long haired mens and short haired ladies.)

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

(He ran away in a red car.)

(He RAN away in a red CAR.)

(Ran away.)

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

(Wait…didn't she have red eyes?)

(FORGET IT. Continuity has never existed in this fic, why am I expecting it now?)

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. (I still don't understand this shit.) I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile.

(AND OF COURSE SHE HAS TO SPECIFIY IT'S A BLACK LINCON PARK MOBILE CHRIST ON A BIKE.)

Butt (Heh, butts.) the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111

(Whoever the fuck these scrubs are.)