Chapter 26

MOZART

June, 1789

I don't know whether to be happy or sad. One of my eyes is smiling and the other is crying. We are in war with the Prussians. People don't have the money for music in these times. Less commissions. Much less commissions. Nannerl's little son, Gottfried Wilhelm was born on 31st May. He is a very good-looking fellow as I saw him, and Thank God, he is healthy. I try to help them out every once in a while but sadly the money I send arrives back on the next post- day, without a coin missing. Nannerl always says God will help them and I should take care of my own son instead of helping them. Van Swieten was kind he said he would be the Godfather of little Gottfried that's why he got the name. Nannerl did not want to name him after Papa. She said Papa would be very sad if she named the child after him. I think so too. Papa can never forgive anything even if there isn't any sin Nannerl committed. The poor sister.
And if we are here about kids being born outside marriage… Papa has no right to blame anyone. Really. H just better shut his face. His poor Léopold should not have suffered this much because of an ignorant dad who can't accept his own mistake but can't forgive anyone else's.
Karl, to be honest, is a very clever boy. But the only thing he is very good at is music. In other subjects, he knows nothing, and also isn't interested in anything else. I tried to teach him to count to 100; he does not even pay attention to me. I am worried about what will happen if this boy goes to school. I sat in front of him and did not let him play till he tells me the result of 1+4 but he just ended up throwing a tantrum about he does not know it and I am an asshole. I know, I am the one to be blamed about it. I shouldn't have cussed that much in front of him when he was younger and should have slapped him the first time he started to use these words. Now I think he is slipping out of my control. I was too much permissive with him. Other way, he is a good boy but I am worried about his skills and language.
Money… that's the word I don't want to hear about. And Stanze… she is just….so she does not leave me be. And if that wouldn't be enough: there is a young musician at the court now…. he gets all the commissions, not me. He is not even THAT talented I pray!

ERIK

There is too big silence about Mozart. I hope he did not die. It would be no fun. I have so much plans with that guy to begin with… but he does not appear near me… it is not good this way. I should see what has happened to him… I visit him.
O-ho! It was very good idea to see his address I last knew of. He nearly slipped out of my control. He moved from that address last winter and I didn't even know about it! The host said it was a rather uncomfortable scene when they moved. Mozart did not pay him for a long time and he had enough of it. Mozart carried his wife in his arms and cried. The woman has some problems with her legs, I heard. Now they moved in poorer conditions.
I found the street they live on now. It is far from the city centre, I had to find a carriage to go there. I shook my head when I saw the environment. Look- look, here lives the awesome Mozart. He had to make compromises and change his big apartment with ballroom to a little hole in which rats live… how sorry am I… not.
But it is still not enough. He has to suffer, more and more.
I know he does not get too many commissions and to be honest a concert tour won't help him either. In Prague? He isn't very welcome there since the unlucky situation he caused. In Germany, because of the war, he does not get jobs. Everyone has more important things to pay for than music.
- Please my good Sir, I ask you to give me some very little money God bless you, I have six children to feed, they haven't seen much food for two weeks now…. – a gypsy woman approached me with a begging gesture like she was praying to God himself. A little kid was standing behind her skirt, and looked like very sad.
- Here you go. – I said, giving the woman a bag of coins from under my cape.
- Oh…. – the woman seemed to be so surprised about the sight of that much money that she nearly fainted. – Thank you, Sir, I will fund your name in my prayers….
- Don't worry about it. – I stopped her thankful words and she left happily with her son.
I started to think about why did I do this to begin with, if I am mean… it just doesn't fit… a monster like me shall not have heart at all.

CATHERINA

I was so unlucky and unhappy in these months. I had everything but I had nothing. I had important roles, I sang in beautiful operas with great success. Erik was happy about my success but he was way too cold. He did not understand I loved him. I wanted to be close to him, since that night but he never let me. He kept those 3 steps of distance with me as he did to anyone else. He did not believe I loved him. And I loved only him.
Wolfgang? When I saw him I did not talk to him at all. I did not want him to play his old tricks and games with me. I thought he loved me, but as I could see, I was just a flirt and an adventure for him, like every other woman. He tried to talk to me sometimes but I did not listen to him and ran away.
Once he caught me though at the Opera.
- Catherina!
- Leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you!
- Please let me talk to you, I can explain!
- You can explain anything…
- Please dearest….
- You called me dearest? – I asked. I yearned for that word so much, I wanted to hear it from a man's lips. I was only "dear Catherina" to Erik, and I nearly fainted from happiness that Wolfgang called me dearest.
- Yes because my heart belongs to you. – Wolfgang fell down on his knees.
- Don't be silly. – I said, but I was smiling.
- "Là ci darem la mano là mi dirai di sì; vedi, non è lontano, partiam, ben mio, da qui."* – Wolfgang started to sing the duet from his Opera, Don Juan. He was looking at me with so pleading eyes that I had to hug him. Simply, I had to.
- But don't believe you can make me forgive you… I mean you are with other woman when you are supposed to see me…
- It was my sister. I tried to tell you this but you ran away always. She visited me unexpectedly.
- Really?
- Really.
- And… what about the child?
- It was her son who was born this May.
- So it is your…. nephew? Not your son?
- Oh, Catherina, I have only one son, you know him.
- Yes…
- I love you.
- I love you too… I missed you.
- I missed you too.
- Wolfgang…
- Yes?
- May I tell you something?
- Anything.
- Good but let's just get out of here… I mean you know I am controlled. I need to talk to you.

I did not care about anything, we walked in the Prater with Wolfgang. I told him how I felt in those months and that I feel I am unloved. It was so good to talk to him and cry on his shoulder and he told me he loved me. The day ended with a tender and passionate kiss between us when I was sitting on his lap under a tree. I was the happiest in my life.
We knew it had to be continued.

MOZART
- Stanze my love… I am worried about my little wife. – I said, looking at how slow my wife could walk and it gave her much pain.
- I know. – she sighed but she did not complain.
- Won't it be better to see what can we do about it?
- The doctor said it would be good if I went to spa.
- And?
- And? Who has the money for that?
- We do… I mean… I got a fine little commission and my dearest could go to Baden to cure herself.
- Really? – she asked. She looked at me a little suspiciously, but I showed her a bag of coins to make her believe me.
- Why didn't you tell me about it?
- It was just a little song my dear. Not that big deal.
- Fine. – she smiled. – But what about Karl?
- You can take him with you I think. He needs his mom in the first place. – I said, smiling.
- Good. I pack then. Thank you Wolfie. I love you.
- I love you too. – I said, kissing her hand.

The carriage with her, Lizl and Karl departed the next morning. I didn't worry about the money I borrowed from my friend Puchberg, to pay the spa I was sure I can pay it back to him. It worth that Stanze will be healthy again… and I get rid of everyone for a few weeks and I can see Catherina as much as I want to.

CATHERINA

Erik is strange. He does not even mind that I go out much. He does not seem to care. He just wants me to sing. Nothing more. What does he want anyway? I am not sure. But I know that Wolfgang loves me.
I went to see him in his apartment. I noticed he does not have that luxurious apartment as he used to and he does not live in the city centre any more. I felt sorry for him. With his talents, he could have better conditions. No one was there and we could kiss calmly.
- Catherina dearest. I love you so much. – Wolfgang kissed me. – That Erik is an idiot that he does not love you back.
- I am not sure he loves me or not.
- I know how to find it out. – he said, smiling.
- How?
- To make him jealous.
- Jealous?
- Yes. To kiss and hug much in front of him.
- Then he will kill you…
- But at least we will know about how he feels. – He laughed.
- You are silly. – I kissed him.
- But… if we want to make him jealous… why just pretend things? Why not do it really? – He asked and started to unbutton my dress.
- Wolfgang! – I screamed, jumping up.
- What's wrong?
- You…
- Wasn't it obvious? Did you think we are going to play chess here?
- But… you did not even ask me!
- You came to my house. You kiss me on the lips. What did you expect?
- You are just like… other men! – I ran towards the front door. He didn't follow me as I expected… my mind was racing. I saw Erik that he does not love me, and Wolfgang kissing my lips and I collapsed in front of the door and cried. ú
- Are you all right? – I felt Wolfgang's hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, knowing that I can't lose anything.
- You are right. – I dried my eyes. – Why not to do things? – I stood up and followed him to his bedroom.
This game was played for months. Wolfgang sent Constanze away every two months to cure herself and the woman did not even seem to mind it. Erik… Erik was too occupied with his compositions and plans to notice anything. I appeared in time. That was enough for him. I was ashamed in mind sometimes, but mostly not. I was just enjoying what happened.

ERIK
November, 1789
The Emperor called me in the morning; I did not know what he wanted. I was waiting for him worriedly. I expected that he will send me away as very much musicians were fired due to money saving. But that was thankfully not the case.
- My Destler, I have to tell you that I am feeling guilty.
- Why is that?
- Because I feel like I abandoned a great talent.
- Who are you talking about?
- Mozart. I heard from people that he lives in bad conditions… I should have paid more attention to him. He is a great composer and I love his music after all.
- What do you want to do about him?
- I thought of he could write an opera for us.
- Opera? Good… well… and what about me in this case?
- You know many people… please search for a good libretto for him. You know I don't know much about music.
- Well, I try to do my best but you know, good librettists are very rare nowadays.
- There is that da Ponte. He writes good librettos. Try to talk to him.
So, I had to see Lorenzo da Ponte, that old Don Juan type man who chased young ladies even in his sixties. I wasn't very pleased to see him, at all to be honest. But I tried to search for the least interesting libretto possible for them. I found it. It was the most ridiculous, boring libretto I have ever read: Cosi fan tutte.
- This? This book is boring. – da Ponte said when I showed him to what he shall write lyrics.
- I know but this is the Emperor's wish.
- This exact thing?
- Yes.
- I… it is boring.
- I know.
- Can't we change it?
- Don't deny the Emperor's command or you will have bad ending! – I nearly put my lasso out but I thought better and I just caught his cravat.
- Very well then, Monsieur Destler, I will…
- Good. You'd better behave. – I said, nodding and I left.

I was happy. I knew that Mozart and da Ponte can't make gold out of rubbish. This libretto is just sentenced to death. No matter how magical music will he compose, this thing is just born dead.
- Herr Destler… - Lizl said and she was a bit of pale.
- What is wrong?
- I think Herr Mozart is being… unfaithful.
- Why do you say that? – I asked, turning to the girl with growing interest.
- I am not sure I can tell or not. – she said, taking the coffee cup from the table.
- You have to tell it. – I said simply.
- Good… so… excuse me Sir but can I have some sugar in this coffee?
- Sure just out with it: what do you know?
- I… I was tidying the bed today, this morning, you see, that bed wasn't made all the two weeks we were away, Herr Mozart isn't paying attention to cleaning, I have to pick everything up from the floor when…
- And what the Hell did you find in that bed, spit it out!
- Oh, a hair. Blond.
- Great, awesome, you are a master detective… Mozart has blond hair!
- I know but it was longer than his hair. I am sure it was from a woman.
- Dear Lizl. It might be but it is not enough for a proof. Unless you find a female underwear in that bed, your saying is merely a theory.
- I will see what I can do, Sir.
- Good. Keep your eyes open.

I was nervous after she left. Blonde female hair in Mozart's bed makes me nervous… very nervous…
I talked to Catherina. She was scared at first when I yelled at her but it was more likely due to yelling itself. That girl must be innocent. She said she isn't the only blond girl in Vienna and I should be ashamed because of blaming her when she did nothing.
I believe her. Mozart is known for chasing women and there is no problem with Catherina lately. But I will keep my eyes open… Attacking is the best way of self protecting, as they say….