A/N: Important announcement at the end of this chapter. :)

Anna's letter arrived one week after we returned from the hunting trip on Halloween. Carlisle transferred delivery of our mail to a Post Office Box during my transformation so that there wouldn't be a rash of mail carrier disappearances in our area. As he was approaching the house after his last day at the hospital, I expected to hear sadness in mind mingled with disappointment at leaving his beloved hospital work. Instead, I heard excitement in his mind. I was playing the piano when I heard him coming and then heard Anna's name in his mind. I immediately rushed down to meet him.

He burst through the door with the letter in his hand.

I knew she would write back to you,he thought with a smile on his face.

"May I see what she wrote before you get too superior?"

He handed me the letter and I stared at it, completely terrified. My deciding moment was at hand. Would I get to keep this part of my human life or would it slip away right here? I found myself incapable of opening the envelope; I held it between my fingers, reading over and over the carefully addressed front in Anna's familiar script. I looked up at Carlisle.

"I can't . . ." I said.

Edward, Eleazar thought as he came up to my side. You have gone this far. I might not agree with your choice, but you made the effort and reached out to her. Do not lose faith in yourself now.

I knew that his encouragement was hard won. He and Carlisle had several arguments over the last several days about my choice to keep in contact with my human friends. In the end, although it wasn't the choice that he would have made, Eleazar respected the decision that we had made and even thought that we could somehow handle it. He still felt it was an unnecessary risk, but he was more supportive of me than he had originally been.

His encouragement was all that I needed.

"If you don't mind . . ." I began and gestured upstairs. I rather thought that I would like to read this on my own so that I could process it without interference. I began walking without waiting for their answer. I thought my courage would be improved with solitude, at least in this instance. If Anna wrote to me that she didn't believe my lies and wanted nothing more to do with me, I knew I would be devastated.

In fact, it was for this reason that I diverted from my original course and headed to the old piano room instead of the new one. I didn't want to be anywhere near my baby grand if I read bad news. Heaven only knew what havoc I would wreak on the furniture around me if I didn't like what I read; I didn't want my piano or the room that Carlisle had built for me to be affected by my temper.

I felt the envelope, trying to determine the length of the letter by the thickness of its contents. No such luck. I sighed as I sat at the cramped desk. There was no point in waiting; time was not going to change the words on the page. I ripped open the letter and set it before me, comforted immediately by the greeting that she wrote at the top.

25 October 1918

My dear friend,

You are very silly indeed if you think I'm going to just disappear into thin air, Edward Masen. How could you even think so little of me after everything we've been through? I won't say I believe everything you wrote, but I understand that you must have your reasons for being secretive. The promise of your continued friendship is enough for me. For now.

I had prepared myself for the worst so many times, Edward. After Mr. Kelly took you and your mother to the hospital, I sat by the phone thinking that at any minute I would get the call that you were dead. I honestly didn't believe that you would make it through the night. And then to hear that you were able to go home with Dr. Cullen that very night? It's unbelievable. I'm going to want answers, Edward . . . when you're ready, of course, but the day when I demand answers will come. I should have gotten them that day at the hospital; I still don't know what came over me.

I've thought about Edie and your concerns about her. First of all, I don't think you are giving her enough credit. She's a strong girl, Edward. But I will respect your decision to keep some of this from her. Perhaps you can ask her to send her letters to the P.O. Box and explain to her that they will be forwarded to your new address. It will probably be easier than fabricating a new address.

Life here is much the same; Edie is back at school and very happy in her life with the Kellys. She and Tom have gotten quite close and I believe that he will ask Mr. Kelly for permission to court her publicly by the end of the year. They're good for each other, I think. She's changed so much since she came here and so much of that is because of you. I just wish you were here to see it all. She's even making an effort with me! I think she is more comfortable with me now that you aren't around, actually. She really cares about you, Edward, and I think she always thought I was a competitior for your friendship. She'd never say anything, but that is just the impression that I got from her.

(I wish that I could . . .)

(Do you even realize . . .)**

I miss you. Please stay in touch.

Yours,

Anna

I was on my fourth pass through the letter when I heard Carlisle calling to me softly in my mind. I pointedly ignored him until I finished reading through one last time, trying to understand why Anna had crossed out those lines. It wasn't like Anna to be sloppy about her letters.

I know you can hear me, Carlisle thought more insistently. What did she say?

"She doesn't hate me," I said softly, knowing that he would hear me no matter where he was in the house.

I heard Eleazar sigh softly from somewhere downstairs and worry himself anew about what might happen to the young girl that he didn't even know. Carlisle, on the other hand, was completely ecstatic although his voice was level and betrayed little emotion. He had been downstairs with Eleazar but at my words, he flew up the stairs to stand behind me.

"Of course she doesn't," he said. "How could she hate you?"

"You don't know her very well," I said, chuckling. "She can be very stubborn and very opinionated."

"So I gathered," he mused. "Still, I doubt that Anna could ever hate you."

For a very bright boy, your vision of yourself is really quite skewed, he thought.

"Carlisle, really, you are not exactly unbiased when it comes to me," I reminded him.

"Be that as it may, Edward, I still see you more clearly than you see yourself at times. And Anna would never have deserted you."

"What makes you so sure?"

He pulled out a chair and sat down next to me. May I? he asked gently as he took the letter from me and read over it quickly. He nodded his head, folded it, and looked up at me smiling.

"I am two hundred and seventy-eight years old. In that time, I came in contact with thousands of humans. None of them touched me the way that you did. You were a friend . . ." the son that I always wanted, he continued in his head. "I watched the attachments that you made in your human life, fascinated with the delicate web of ties that held you in that world: your friends, your family, your responsibilities. Anna's right," he said, waving the folded letter at me. "You were the reason for Edie's change and so many other things that you never even realized."

How can you not know how much you mean to her? he asked.

"Meant . . ." I said, realizing that despite her promise of friendship, things would never be the same.

He waved the letter at me. Her words say otherwise.

"That's because she doesn't know the truth," I argued.

"Edward," he said, frowning at me. "She can never know. For her own safety, you can't tell her. But I think even if she knew, she would find a way to be your friend. Think about that for a while."

You are at least as important to her as she is to you. Don't forget that.

He walked out of the room, tossing the letter at me as he went. I looked at it one last time before seeking out the comfort of my piano. I should be happy that Anna wished to remain my friend. For some reason though, Carlisle's words filled me with a sadness greater than anything I had ever felt. It was a sadness born of the knowledge that buried in the words of that letter was the promise of something I would never have.

The piano soothed me as it always did. Even though I couldn't remember my mother trying to teach me to play, I knew that I had been incapable of making anything resembling music. Now, it was so amazingly easy to dance my fingers over the delicate ivory keys and bring the keyboard to life, letting it sing. The joy that filled my dead heart when the music washed over me was indescribable. Knowing that I was creating that music with my own hands was even more satisfying.

I began with Mozart's Die Irae from his Requiem in D minor. The majestic overtones of the descant soothed the ache in my chest that I couldn't explain and the driving bass notes of my right hand answered the excitement still playing at my mind from my success. I was still amazed at my ability to feel two completely different emotions at the same time with equal intensity. Only the piano could pull me out of the strange mood swings that plagued me without structural damage to the house or the surrounding forest.

I chuckled softly as I transitioned from the "Requiem" into a lighter selection from The Magic Flute, my mood rising considerably with the pace of the music. I remembered the passion that took me on my last run with Eleazar. He teased me as we ran about the overzealous nature of my running, hinting that Carlisle was not far off the mark when he compared me to a Labrador. His words hit home that night, making me think that with my mind reading skills and my running, I might never fit in anywhere. I uprooted a rather large maple sapling and threw it across the clearing where we were running, knocking a more fully grown tree off kilter. Eleazar stared at me, biting his tongue and thinking furiously in Spanish that he ought not to laugh and make me even more angry. The night ended in two good natured brawls between the two of us and a companionable truce.

I had been paying so much attention to the music and my memories that I nearly missed the stray thoughts that were entering my head. Music was both relaxing and absorbing for me; I was able to concentrate fully on the notes and the cadences, ignoring almost completely the unbidden thoughts that ran through my mind. Completely relaxed now, I allowed myself to listen to the thoughts floating up to me from my friends downstairs.

Hearing him play is heavenly, Carlisle was thinking, happy in the knowledge that he had brought me happiness. He was reading a Russian volume on the uses of local anesthetics for small procedures.

Eleazar was thinking in Spanish, longing for his home and his mate. I knew that he was planning to ask Carlisle and me to visit him, but he was trying to decide how long we would have to wait before we could travel to Denali. I smiled as he thought about spending the holidays with us, wondering if he would decide to ask us and if Carlisle would agree. It would be good to know that we would see Eleazar again so soon. I knew that he would not stay much longer with us. It was beginning to be very painful for him to be away from Carmen.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen, a new voice said in my mind. It came so suddenly and abruptly that I banged the keys unceremoniously in my surprise. Why I couldn't just leave this little package at the post office for him to pick up at the PO Box is beyond me. He must be some important man to need a package hand delivered.

"Carlisle!" I roared.

Both of them flew up the steps and stared at me wild-eyed.

"A human!" I gasped. "Coming here. Now. He has a package for you. Go, Carlisle!"

He flew out the door and down the steps. I heard the door slam behind him as he ran. Eleazar crouched and readied himself in case I had not caught the voice soon enough. I was staring at Eleazar, but I was not seeing him. Instead, I was looking through the human's eyes, determining how close he was to our house.

A grouping of pines, their boughs bent low to the ground with heavy sap came into his view. I knew those pines. They were about three quarters of a mile away. I closed my eyes, focusing all of my energy on reading the man's mind. I had long since stopped breathing, fear driving me even more than instinct. I knew that if I breathed in deeply, I would be able to smell him. And I knew that if I smelled him, it would be over. But if I could avoid breathing, I might avoid slipping into my hunting mode. If I could avoid thoughts of hunting, I might avoid killing the man. I fought my nature with every bit of strength that I possessed, willing Carlisle to hurry.

Carlisle slowed as he approached the human, wary of alerting him to our differences. Carlisle was strolling now, bending over to pick up branches and whistling. He was feigning a relaxed walk in the woods so that he could inadvertently bump into the mail carrier.

I knew the instant that the mail carrier suspected he wasn't alone in the woods. He heard a branch snap; Carlisle had done it intentionally to alert the human that he was close. He knew that the man would be more frightened if he had appeared without any sound, so he bent over and snapped a branch between his fingers in warning. The noise sent shivers up the man's spine and sent his heart racing.

Need to get myself under control, the man was thinking. It's the middle of the day. Stories about these woods are fool-hardy anyway.

"Stories about these woods?" I whispered to myself.

"What?" Eleazar asked.

"Shh," I quieted him, holding up my hand. I needed to concentrate. I filed the comment away for later.

The man's mind was in a snarl, wavering between fear of the unknown and anger at his own fear. He was afraid that he might run into some children out in the woods for some mischief. He never even guessed at the true danger that was lurking in these woods.

When he saw Carlisle his mind went blank and cold fear enveloped him for a blinding second. Every natural impulse in him was screaming at him to turn and run. I saw Carlisle through his eyes, immortally perfect and horrifically beautiful. His beauty was terrible and wonderful all at once, a thing to be both feared and adored. And then Carlisle smiled. It was a small smile in comparison to the ones that he so frequently graced me with; none of his teeth showed and it barely crinkled the skin under his cheeks. But it warmed his eyes and worked like a shot of nitrous oxide on the unsuspecting mail carrier. Immediately his heart rate slowed, the adrenaline slowed, and his mind seemed to thaw. Suddenly he was telling himself that all of his original impressions were ridiculous and that he needed to stop being so fanciful.

"He's charming him," I said. Eleazar nodded.

"Hello there," Carlisle called, his voice warm and welcoming. "We don't see many visitors in this area. Can I help you?"

"Gosh, sir, I am glad I ran into you. I'm looking for a house out here and I'm afraid I might never find it. Do you know a Dr. Carlisle Cullen?"

"Indeed I do," Carlisle said laughing. "I'm Dr. Cullen. How may I help you?"

The man was completely amazed at his good luck and reached into his bag to pull out the package.

"I have a package for you, Dr. Cullen," he said, laughing in his good fortune. "I just need to see your identification and I can leave it with you."

"Of course," Carlisle said without missing a beat. "This is my medical identification card; it never leaves my person. Will it suffice?"

"Certainly," the man said, rubbing his hands together after handing the card back to Carlisle. He looked Carlisle up and down again, gaping at him openly for the first time and I sorted through his thoughts trying to understand what had caught the man's attention. The man must be insane! It's near freezing and he's walking in the woods in nothing more than his shirtsleeves.

"Damn," I swore quietly.

"What's wrong?" Eleazar asked.

"He forgot to put on a jacket. The man is suspicious."

"Carlisle will handle it," Eleazar said. "Just watch."

"Aren't you mighty cold, Dr. Cullen?" the man asked warily as he handed Carlisle the package. Carlisle took it from him, carefully keeping his fingers away from the man's hand.

"No," he said softly. "My family resided for most of my childhood in the Aleutian Islands. This weather is little more than chilly to me."

The man looked at him skeptically as Carlisle smiled back at him, putting one hand in his trouser pocket and the other holding the package casually.

"Still," the man cautioned. "You ought to be covered up. You'll take a chill and end up with the flu. And you a doctor!"

Carlisle laughed musically and smiled back at him. "Chills don't give you the flu; germs do that. As long as I wash my hands I'll be safe from the flu, I promise."

The man's mind cleared for a moment and I watched first hand the process of "distracting" an unsuspecting human. It was fascinating. When the fog cleared, he couldn't remember why he was even concerned about the doctor's lack of a jacket.

"Would you mind very much if I walked back with you to your house, Dr. Cullen?" the man asked and I stiffened in fear. "It's been a long walk through these woods and I'd sure appreciate a drink."

Get out of the house . . . NOW! Carlisle nearly screamed at me; I was up and off of the piano bench before he said "now."

"Let's go," I said through my teeth, using up the last of my breath.

Eleazar didn't blink; he took me to the back of the house on the second story, threw open the window and jumped out. Without hesitation, I followed him, continuing to clamp my mouth closed and hold my breath. Carlisle was doing his best to hold the man at bay, explaining that his nephew was sick in bed and he couldn't offer the man entrance to the house. The mail carrier proved to be quite dense indeed, nodding his agreement, but continuing to walk towards the house. He was intent on seeing the enigmatic doctor's house. Carlisle's talk of a sick nephew only fueled his curiosity.

Carlisle must have been holding his breath throughout most of his conversation; I only caught brief flashes of fire from him as he smelled the man. Still, those brief flashes were enough to make my throat flame. Only the mere fact that I was not smelling it for myself kept me by Eleazar's side as we ran.

We were running blindingly fast away from the house. We reached the clearing in which Eleazar had taught me to climb trees in under two minutes.

"You can breathe now," Eleazar said. "What happened?"

I gulped in the cool air, allowing it to fill my lungs with air and my senses with the smells around me. There was no trace of the burning human scent around us.

"The man wanted to come back to the house for a glass of water. He was intent on seeing the remote house that the doctor lived in. He was insanely curious and wasn't going to go away," I explained. "I can't hear Carlisle anymore."

"He'll come for us when he gets rid of the human," Eleazar said and I flinched, thinking of how easily I would have 'gotten rid' of the human.

Do not berate yourself, Edward, he thought kindly. What you did was incredibly impressive. If it had not been for your gift, it might have been too late to save that human. You should be very proud of yourself and your gift.

"I'm not berating myself," I said, sighing. "I just can't help thinking about what might have happened."

"Stop," he said firmly. "It did not happen and that is in large part because of you. Be pleased at what you have accomplished and do not worry about the possibility of what might have been."

I nodded and bent to pick up a pine cone lying on the ground. With the tip of my thumb, I brushed the rough ridges of the cone, reducing them dust. I imagined what would happen if I applied pressure like that to a human's spine. I threw the partially destroyed cone across the clearing and looked at Eleazar. I was deadly and dangerous but my gift had saved that man from my arsenal of weapons. Perhaps Eleazar had been right all along; perhaps my gift was a blessing instead of a curse.

Eleazar and I spent the hour that it took Carlisle to get rid of the mail carrier leaping between trees and engaging in contests to see who could throw pine cones farther. Carlisle found us engaged in the latter contest and joined us for the remainder, barely able to contain his pride in me. It was embarrassing to hear him think of me in such a manner, with such fatherly pride and devotion. But every time I opened my mouth to try to divert him, he would silence me with a look and a warning thought, telling me to allow him these moments of pride. He knew that he was throwing guilt in my face when he reminded me how long he had waited to feel pride such as this for another being. But he was also feeling selfish and wanted to savor the sweet victory of today. I couldn't begrudge him that.

On the way back to the house, I remembered the one question that I needed to ask Carlisle about this afternoon's adventure.

"Carlisle," I began. "Do you know anything about stories related to these woods?"

"What kind of stories?" he asked.

"The kind that would have given our postal carrier friend reason to fear what might be waiting for him in the woods," I said.

"Oh," he said, stopping and rubbing his chin. "A couple of the nurses at the hospital used to talk about their husbands' hunting trips, but nothing specifically about these woods. I would guess, however, that it has to do with me."

"How so?" I asked.

"Edward, the humans make themselves believe a lot of things, but the truth is always there if they want to find it. Think about it. Hunters will have found my kills from time to time, no matter how careful I am to cover them. Or what if someone saw me running without my knowing it? Caught a glimpse of me as I streaked through the forest? Most wouldn't believe it, but it might plant a seed of worry in the most superstitious members of the community. Ours is a tenuous existence, Edward, and if the charade becomes too difficult to uphold or the people get too suspicious, that is when it is time to move on."

"Well, then I guess that means that I will be quite useful in the future when I can get closer to people. I'll be able to tell you exactly what they suspect about us and when it is getting too dangerous."

Carlisle winked at me conspiratorially.

"Clearly that is why I changed you," he said, "for the convenience of your early warning system."

Instead of responding to his ribbing, I opted for the more physical option and tackled him without ceremony. As a vampire, I found that physical exertion was a sure cure for tension and stress. Our quick tussle before arriving at the house was the perfect ending to a very stressful day.

Two days later, we were standing around the doorway wishing Eleazar a safe trip back to Denali. It was not as emotional as I had imagined it might be, but I was sorry to see him go. He had become a trusted friend and ally. There were many things that I was more comfortable discussing with him than I was with Carlisle. Although Carlisle never passed judgment on me, I hated to even think about disappointing him. I didn't worry as much with Eleazar. I knew that he expected my curiosity and was used to the plethora of questions a newborn could think of. He was patient and kind; I liked him very much. But I also knew something that Carlisle did not know. Eleazar had plans for us to see him in the near future.

"Aren't you going to ask Carlisle before you leave?" I asked him with a smirk.

"You can be quite annoying when you want to be, Edward," he chided.

I banged his shoulder in jest. "You didn't really think that you could hide it from me? You didn't even try. You thought about it in Spanish!"

"But I did not expect you to bring it up," he growled.

"What are you both talking about?" Carlisle asked.

"I want you and Edward to come to Denali for the holidays," Eleazar said. "It will do Edward good to meet others of our kind; after your wire, the sisters and Carmen cannot wait to meet him. It would be good to celebrate . . . as a family."

Carlisle smiled widely. Do you want to do this? he asked me.

I nodded my agreement immediately. I was anxious to meet the vampires that I knew only through Carlisle's and Eleazar's memories.

"It will, of course, depend on his ability to travel," Carlisle said hesitantly.

"You can make most of the trip without ever crossing near human territories," he said. "It will mean some swimming and a longer route, but it is certainly possible."

"We will plan to make the journey," Carlisle agreed. "But we will wire if there is any change in our plans."

"Of course, of course," Eleazar said, turning and winking at me. He was as anxious as I was for this trip to become a reality. There were many things that he wished to show me near his home. I was flattered that his opinion of me had changed so entirely from his original hesitation at letting his mate near me.

"I must be off," Eleazar said. "You will both be well, of that I am sure. And I will see you next month."

He turned and was off, eager to return to his home and his family. We closed the door and I was left to wonder what a vampire family might be like. What traditional roles were filled and what new ones were created? It was a fascinating thought.

"Why didn't you join Eleazar's family when you met them?" I asked Carlisle suddenly.

He reeled for a second or two, digesting the question that I had thrown at him. I back-peddled immediately, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. He was thinking of his time with Eleazar's family and the companionship that he had given up. It was obvious to me that leaving was painful for him. I shouldn't have brought it up at all.

"I'm sorry," I said. "That was rude . . ."

"No," he said. "It was just unexpected. It is a fair question. I came across Eleazar's coven not long after I arrived in the new world. I had been studying for a long while and was ready to practice medicine. I stayed with them for several months, enjoying their company and being with others who shared my lifestyle. But I couldn't deny the fact that I wished to practice medicine. It was what I felt called to do with this life. I left them about six months after I found them in order to find a place were I might be able to practice medicine."

"Where they live is very remote then?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "I wouldn't have been able to practice medicine on the local tribal people who live near where Eleazar and his family have settled."

"Why?"

"The native people are more attuned to us than the rest of the humans. They are more superstitious and intuitive about us; they would never trust me as a doctor."

As he remembered leaving them, I felt the pain of separation sting him again. I felt the loneliness of his choice envelope him.

"I'm sorry that you had to choose between a family and the thing that you loved most," I said. "I'm making you choose again."

"Why do you say that?" he asked.

"You've given up your work at the hospital to be with me," I said. "You've given up what you loved to . . ."

"I haven't given it up, Edward," he said softly. "I've taken a sabbatical. When you are past your newborn year and more comfortable without my guidance, I will go back to doing what I am called to do."

I understood that; I still felt horribly guilty for pulling him away from something that meant so much to him.

Being a doctor isn't the best thing that I can do with my life, he thought. His words and the tone of his thoughts reminded me of what Eleazar said about Carmen. Something tells me that the family we are creating here is an even greater calling for me than medicine.

** The lines in parentheses are supposed to be in strike-through script. It didn't come through in Doc. Manager. I apologize for any confusion for those who read the original version. When I originally uploaded, it looked fine, but it didn't save. :)

A/N: So, what did you think of Anna's letter? And what about Edward's close call? It needed to happen. I know many of you have wondered when he's going to "slip." According to canon, Edward never kills "and innocent" which means to me that he doesn't kill anyone until he goes out as a vigilante. So there isn't going to be any slip-ups in this part of the story. But, the human casualties will come.

And for the big announcement: Edward's story has been nominated for three Faithful Shipper Awards, including Best Canon Story. *squeal* ahem. Sorry about that. I am up against some VERY heavy competition with some very big name fics. I would take it as a personal accomplishment just to make it to the next round, in which the top five fics in each category will move on. For the record, even though Edward's story is nominated in the Best AH Story, I don't think that it ought to have been. This isn't an AH fiction since there are lots of vampires in it. ;) The other two categories are legit though, so if you feel compelled to do so, please visit my profile page and go to the link for the Faithful Shipper webiste to vote. I greatly appreciate all of the support that you have given me. You all rock my world. Leave a review please, because reviews are like watching Edward and Carlisle wrestle. YUM! ;) ~Jen