Crazy - Chapter 25
Rated: T
Agony
Chapter Summary: April finally returns back to the apartment as the sun falls from the sky. The excuses she has for Raphael only make things that much worse…
*Slowly rises from the coffin labeled 'Raphril Hell' while screaming, "I…LIVE!"*
Yeah….so, what's it been? Oh, only a whole damn year? …Whoops. *shrugs* Sorry y'all but you know how these things happen sometimes - fandoms come and go but after so many sporadic messages I've received throughout these past few months showering me with love and kindly asking me if I intended to continue this story - I had to. I hate leaving things unfinished and this story in particular is one I didn't want to leave behind in the realm of permanent hiatus.
2014/16 Raphril is still very close to my heart and I couldn't allow this story to die out when so many have taken their time to write me personally about how much they love it and want it to continue. So I'm sorry that it took a year to update and future apologies if the next chapter takes just as long, but I DO plan to finish this story eventually. Can't promise it'll be any time soon but I'm determined to finish it regardless.
Hope you enjoy - and buckle your seatbelts, you're in for a bumpy, emotional ride.
Raphael's heart rose and lodged firmly in his throat as the sound of the egregious squeaking doorknob filling his sensitive eardrums. The anxiety and fear that had wedged itself deep inside of his chest had only slightly alleviated in hearing the turning metal and the unlocking of the latch before revealing to him who was behind it.
April.
The form he'd studied and known so well was indeed right in front of him; her eyes lowered as she hauled herself into the door, not taking notice of him whatsoever as she turned her back to him to lock it behind her. A quick scan over her body told him immediately that she was not bleeding or in dire need of medical attention and that alone had his anxiety wane if only slightly. It made it all the better seeing her enter her apartment without the asshole Casey Jones following behind like a damn poodle.
Yet there was a tenseness to her shoulders, the gait of her walk that was the very definition of exhaustion as she slowly locked her door and the safety latch with lazy precision. Raph didn't focus on that though; only savored the sight of bouncy brunette hair, pale skin, and beauty that for the past day, he worried he'd never see again.
Anxiety and panic that had been his constant (if only) companion for the past twenty four hours vacated as quickly as it arrived by the mere sight of her; the sensation akin to the rays of a summer sun breaking through a blizzard - relishing the comfort that indeed meant that April was indeed, finally home.
"April!" the word was out before he had a chance to stop his exclamation, gigantic body launching itself more gracefully than should have been possible over the couch. Escaping the location he'd paced for hours before landing in front of the pretty brunette who did not have the reaction he hoped for.
April screamed.
Sudden, shrill screech assaulting his ear drums and her hands shook, dropping her purse and keys to the floor in the process.
Once her screams stopped, when she realized he was not some murderous intruder, her cornflower blue eyes were covered in a sheet of ice when they met his. "Aw, dammit, Raph!" April admonished with a huff, picking up her purse and slamming it onto the small table nearby as she gasped to regain her lost breath. "You scared the hell out of me!" she screamed and as happy as he was to hear her voice and see her indeed breathing and alive in front of him, the words cut deeper than he cared to admit.
April stood there for long minutes just staring at him, chest heaving with frantic breaths and for the first time since she arrived, Raph finally got a good look at her and realized not all seemed to be perfectly fine like he initially thought.
First off, she didn't look exactly like the April he knew. Still wearing day old make-up, eyeliner and mascara smudged at the corners of her eyes and under her lower lids where it only brought out the purple bags in high contrast compared to the milkiness of her skin. Clothes that normally were crisp and clean were impossibly rumpled, hair that was usually so nicely combed or put in a high ponytail was in disarray around her tense shoulders.
It wasn't until long moments later when he realized he'd been staring and he still never responded to her rather aggressive words.
"I was fuckin' worried, April!" he growled out, hands tense at his sides. Anger. It was always so easy to turn to anger - no matter how much April changed him, that was a part of him that would never change.
The brunette let out a rather undignified sigh before turning away from him and walking in a beeline toward the bathroom.
Not sure what else to do, he followed.
April sighed, "...Why, Raphael?" seemingly shrugging off his concern as she grabbed a few Tylenol out of the vanity; completely ignoring the look of horror Raphael didn't even bother hiding.
"Ya told me ya were comin' back after the game so I waited all night and fuckin' day for ya!" Raphael explained, using the vast recesses of his self-control to keep himself from lashing out in pure rage that lay just beneath the surface but damn, was it getting hard to keep it at bay. "I-I was worried…" he growled out to reiterate the fact she scared the fuck out of him but he kept his words short.
This was not how he expected their reunion to go…
April swallowed a few chugs of water, chest heaving when she finally placed the glass back down to the bathroom sink with a light clink. He patiently allowed her a moment to lean against the porcelain, dainty fingers pinching at the bridge of her nose. As much as he felt sympathy to her plight; despising seeing her in any kind of pain, even a headache, he needed answers. Something to abolish the sensation of his gut coiling and acid eating through the abdominal lining.
"W-Well, why didn't you just call me?"
"I DID!" Raphael bellowed out, surprised at himself by how he immediately took a step back from her after doing do. His heart ached and hammered in his chest as he took another deep breath of the air around her and instantly regretted it…
Casey.
The distinct scent of the human male wafted unwarranted into his nostrils; the distinct, male scent permeated April's even worst than the awful reek of alcohol leeching from her being. Scents often combine innocently but this was no friendly mixing of aromas; no quick hug or flinging his arm over her shoulder or even sitting for hours together. As much as he hated to admit it, this was something more and the connotations of it all hit him like a runaway train. Completely blindsided by where exactly April was last night and most of today…
A sharp pain exploded deep in his chest as the truth hit him hard…
"...you did?" April asked as almost an afterthought, not even noticing Raphael's sudden inner turmoil. The brunette merely reaching into her skinny jeans pocket and pulling out her small cell phone. She turned on the device and her eyes alighted and widened when she noticed more missed calls and texts than she probably ever received in her life.
"What the? B-But - why the hell is it on silent? Ugh, Casey…" She muttered under her breath as she turned back on her ringer and shoved the device back into her pocket.
April lifted her eyes and finally met Raph's, but this time he was looking away.
Regret hit her fast; instantly hating herself for how she lashed out at him. It didn't matter if it felt like she'd taken an ax to the center of her skull, she never reacted to Raph in that way and she instantly regretted the harsh words and reaction to his presence.
"Raph…I'm so sorry." she stated honestly knowing he needed an explanation so she provided one, "Things just got a little crazy last night, I guess I just lost track of time and alcohol didn't help. Hey! The game was a blowout - you'll be happy to know Casey's team got pummeled into the dirt." she laughed softly but there wasn't much mirth there when she saw the terrapin's attention was somewhere off to her left.
Crestfallen, quiet and amber eyes awash with an emotion she wasn't familiar with and it fucking broke her heart to see Raphael like that.
Wracking her brain for what had she said to make him react in such a way...
Raphael remained completely silent.
The things he cared little to think about that occurred between April and Casey last night filtering through his mind and shattering whatever was left of his blackened heart in his chest. The detective's scent permeating her aroma to where her normal beautiful fresh scent was masked with the detective's musk and the boozy scent of alcohol.
Raph could not deny that he had his suspicions, the rampant and excessive doubts, and yet the pain of knowing the harsh truth was nothing he was prepared for...yet, here it was. All rumpled clothes, messy hair, tired blue eyes and the scent of Casey Jones clinging to it all.
Anger fading like sand between his fingers, Raphael finally accepted the truth he never wanted to.
Who the actual fuck was he kidding?
…A freak like him never stood a fucking chance at winning April's heart...
Said heart instantly shattering, splintering like broken glass in the confines of his shaking chest, Raphael kept his face as stoic and neutral as possible even if the back of his eyes were nothing but searing fire. If Splinter taught him anything it was this - and as per usual, Raphael pushed through the pain; meeting her blue eyes and pretending like he wasn't actually dying on the inside…
"Oh - uh, that's good." Raph muttered with a grimace disguised as a lazy smirk.
April, thankfully, seemed to buy it regardless.
"He's a crummy detective so why wouldn't he be nothin' but a shitty hockey-player?" he continued even if it was just a husk of words. Raphael was merely grateful he was able to speak above the sob that threatened to choke him.
April smiled at him then and for the first time he could ever recall, it fucking hurt.
It was the moment all the precious instances of their time together seemed like a big fluke. All the nights they spent hanging out, watching movies, and her languid touches, long hugs, kind words, and even her going as far as kissing him upon the cheek, that one accidental brush on the corner of his mouth as she fingered his scar - it made him feel absolutely sick.
Those moments he treasured so close to his heart really meant fucking nothing to her this whole time.
April's complete nonchalance at the entire situation made Raphael's stomach turn rapidly. The following moments where he pretended to be okay were the most heart-wrenching experience in his life as he acted as if nothing was amiss as she continued with her story.
"Yeah, it was an awful game, but anyway, we ended up meeting some of his cop buddies there and went to a few bars afterward, and…" April's words turned to nothing but garbled noise in his mind.
The red-banded terrapin didn't want to hear any excuse she may have - her scent didn't lie even if she may want to protect or deter him from the truth. As much as he wanted to bolt, his feet were frozen to the ground and Raphael merely found himself nodding at the appropriate times as the brunette continued on with her story, the words not even registering due to the pounding of his pulse in his ears and the shattering of his heart.
Raphael was not sure how long he stood there pretending he wasn't falling apart even if everything inside of him was raw and festering; the only one mercy he was provided was a beep, an alarm he forgot he set, coming from his cell phone. Large green, scarred hands immediately reached for solace in that small device - knew instantly he needed to pretend it was from Leo. It was enough to give him an escape, an excuse to leave before his rage completely exploded outside the confines of his chest.
"...Raph? Who's th -" April began and Raph didn't dare look at her before he lied through his teeth.
"I gotta go. It's Leo - patrol is on me tonight." he said rapidly, cutting her off and ignoring any former or future statement she had may have made given.
One abrupt glance at her face showcased her shock and confusion. Raphael wasn't never one to interrupt (especially her) and by his quick words and her reaction, he could tell instantly that she knew he was lying. For since when did he ever listen to ol' Fearless?
"Oh... Um...b-but I just got here." April chuckled, trying desperately to lighten the mood it seemed. "You waited forever for me to get home and I need to make it up to you, so c'mon! Stay! I'll order your favorite pizza and we can catch the game. Besides, what's the rush? It's still early and you've made Leo wait plenty of times before. It's one of your favorite hobbies, remember?"
Hands trembling (hopefully unnoticed) at his side, he shoved the cell phone into his belt before uttering, "Yeah…Sorry. Duty calls. I'll uh, see ya later, April." with those few words uttered, he was running. Approaching, opening and gone out the kitchen window within a mere blink of an eye, leaving April hardly any time to make it to the open pane before he was already nearing the rooftop.
Raphael didn't even stop or frankly even care upon hearing the brunette yell, "Raphael! Wait! Where are you going?!" before he'd already made it across to the other side of the rooftop and jumping to the next one. No destination in mind, he ran anywhere that wasn't her apartment.
The harsh cold wind stung his face, leaving tracks of frigid ice on his cheeks was when he realized he was crying.
Raphael choked it down, continuing to sprint - the freedom he once felt from such an act felt deliberately mocking. The same wind he'd appreciated against his scales was just making his tears of hurt and betrayal more apparent.
In a fit of unbelievable rage at the utter agony wedged deep inside of him, he'd jumped blindly upon the edge of a roof.
Even before he jumped, he knew the trajectory was off but found he could care less when he found himself falling, barreling down between the buildings, his leg hitting the side of one and scraping along the skin til he crashed into a pile of trash bins and bags at the bottom of a cold (thankfully destitute) alley.
The pain etching into his skin from the burn of the stone was just enough let up to keep his tears at bay for a moment. Focusing on the physical pain rather than his heart imploding in his chest was all he had at this moment. In a blind fury, he hauled himself to his unsteady feet, smashing his fists over and over again into the bricks, not caring how his knuckles bled and body screamed at him to just STOP.
It was only when he heard a tumultuous crack through the deafening sound of blood rushing in his ears that Raphael finally stilled; grasping at the freshly blood-stained bricks in a vain attempt to hold himself up. Chest heaving and lungs burning fiercely, his legs gave out from underneath him and he fell onto his ass with a muted thud.
Tears began dripping down his face in a torrent - his chest nothing more than a smoldering crater as he allowed himself to fall apart in a dark dank alleyway.