Chapter Summary: Reflecting back on her conversation with Xiao, Akira discovers that she's been lying to herself for a very long time…
Disclaimer: I do not own Tekken but I do own my OCs and plot. If you steal, be prepared to suffer.
Chapter Warnings: Nothing that I can see, apart from a plot that goes around and around in a circle (quite frustratingly, I might add).
Notes: Yet again, it's been AGES since I updated but here we are! Holidays are upon me at the moment so I'll be uploading a lot more now! Please R&R as always!
Extra Notes: I've noticed a lot of mistakes and the structure in weird in my story but I will correct it soon. Also noticed I haven't added song artists or disclaimers when I use them so I'm onto that to! Two songs used in this chapter: Prisoner of Love by Utada Hikaru (love her!) and One Thing by Finger Eleven (great song as well). Unfortunately I do not own the songs, lyrics or the artists I have used (wish I did). Until next time!
Chapter 25 – You Made a Fool of Me will be up soon!
A Tekken Story: Through the Years
"I'm gonna tell you the truth
I chose an unforeseeable painful path
And you came to support me
You're the only one I can call a friend
Fake displays of strength and avarice have become meaningless
I've been in love with you since that day
When I'm free, with time to spare, there's no life in being alone
I'm just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love
Oh… Just a little more
Don't you give up
Oh don't ever abandon me
If the cruelty of reality tries to tear us apart
We'll be drawn more closely to one another
Somehow, somehow, I have a feeling we'll be able to stand firm
I'm just a prisoner of love
Just a prisoner of love"
"Prisoner of Love" – Utada Hikaru
Chapter 24 – Prisoner of Love
I tried not to think about what Xiaoyu had told me, but it was hard to ignore – I mean, supposedly my best friend is in love with me despite the fact that I'm in a serious, committed relationship.
"I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you, the way he is with you. Like you're the only person he sees in the entire world. Like you're the person he would put before himself. Like you're the only one who matters. He's in love with you,"
"Jin isn't like that when he's around me. He isn't in love with me,"
"Then why does his face light up when he sees you?"
"His face doesn't light up when he sees me. I'll admit that me and Jin and closer than he is with other people, but that's because I was the first person to befriend him when he came here. We're just really good friends,"
"Jin is not in love with me! And even if he is – which is very doubtful – I don't feel the same way about him in that case,"
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
I repeated that conversation over and over again in my head, trying to understand why Xiao was so adamant that Jin was in love with me, despite the fact that I just couldn't see it.
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
We share a different relationship compared with the others.
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
I care about him, like a brother.
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
I trust him without any questions.
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
When we first met, that day in the forest…it was a traumatic day. That's why we have that…connection. That bond.
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
That day in the music room, where we both played the piano…that tender, sweet moment…Jin exposed his true self to me…
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
I investigated the Mishima family connection and broke school rules to gain access to his file because…because I…
"Jin is in love with you…and you love him too,"
Am I? Am I in love with Jin Kazama?
Jin Kazama. He's an intelligent, caring and quiet guy. Yet, he's shrouded in mystery…and danger. He's popular with the girls-
What the hell am I thinking about?!
I would be lying if I said I hadn't noticed it. Jin, he is…attractive. His tall, muscular physique…his strong, firm jawline…his straight, unbroken nose…his bow-shaped lips…his alluring, dark eyes…
God, have I been lying to myself all this time?
There was something…different about Jin. Something that…drew me to him, like an invisible piece of string threaded between us, straining whenever we were apart yet dragged us together whenever we were close. I felt it all the time, ever since we had first met. We had a connection. At first, I thought it was friendship. But now, I've realised what it truly is.
How can this be happening to me?
I had been ignoring that connection…those touches that sent chilly tingles down my spine…those looks that stirred my very soul…those feelings wanting to know Jin better even though I know him the best…the familiarity of knowing I was protected by him whenever I'm around him…
…That feeling of electricity whenever we're in the presence of one another…
I know what those feelings are now. I felt them when I was around Ryo…but compared to Jin…these feelings are different too. They make me feel…different.
I'm in love with Jin Kazama. I'm in love with someone in a way I've never felt before.
What am I going to do?
I guess my new realisation of my feelings towards Jin affected me because when Mom saw me, she instantly knew something was wrong with me.
"Dārin, is something the matter? You look so sad," she took the seat opposite me at the kitchen table, her hand lovingly gripping my shoulder.
Normally, before Dad died, I would have shook my head, kept my head down and say nothing. This time, much to my surprise (and possibly my mother's), I nodded but didn't look up at her.
"What's wrong? You know you can tell me," her tone bled with misery too. I guessed she hated seeing me this way.
I sucked in a deep breath – one that reached down to my toes – and released it before blurting out, "I've been lying to myself,"
"Lying to yourself? What do you mean?" her gentle fingertips soothed through my tresses.
Man, how was I going to explain this to her? "Today, I realised something that I knew I had been denying since the beginning…," That's right. Ever since I saw him, I knew.
"What was that, anata?"
"That I'm in love with someone else,"
Mom breathed out and I expected a scolding, "Someone other than Ryo-kun?"
"Yes,"
She sighed again and continued playing with my hair. I peeked up at her through my eyelashes to see her face was neutral but with a slight smile.
It is true.
"Do you know this other person well?"
"Yeah…we've been friends since the first day of the year," She'll probably know who it is now.
"And does Ryo also know this person?"
"Yeah, they're good friends,"
What came next surprised me to say the least. Mom didn't pry on the details or ask who it was, nor did she tell me off. She sighed again, tilted her head and smiled at me, "Loveis hard. Life is harder, but a life without loving you is utterly unbearable."
A quote? "Who said that?"
"Photographer Nicole Hill. I know another one that might help,"
"Go on,"
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second; because if you really loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
"Who said that one?"
"Johnny Depp,"
Eh?! "What the hell?!"
"Akira-chan, calm down! These quotes are supposed to help you,"
Well, they're not. I slammed my forehead onto the table, raking my fingers through my hair irritably," Man, what am I going to do?!"
Mom sighed through her nose and patted the back of my head, "Now, now, don't get yourself in such a state,"
That's easy for you to say.
I may have been 'making a meal out of it', so to speak, but to me this was a big deal. When I had first met Ryo…I thought he was The One. He was the one I imagined getting married to, having children with, growing old together – all of the romantic clichés. But then Jin enters the picture, and everything goes to hell.
Is Jin the one I want to marry, have children with, grow old with? Is Jin…The One?
I could vision it – Jin waiting for me at the end of the aisle, dressed in a dazzlingly white wedding suit, whispering in my ear that I've never looked more beautiful in his eyes when we prepare to exchange vows.
Jin carrying our son with the same melted chocolate-coloured eyes and kind nature playfully on his shoulders while I hold hands with our daughter who shares the same ebony hair and pale, delicate skin.
Jin wrapping his arms around my waist as we look over the neighbourhood from the balcony, our hair silvered and skin lined from age.
Yes, I can see my whole life with Jin.
What am I going to do?
At this point, Ryo and I had been together for nearly eighteen months and survived a great ordeal. I've known Jin for less than that.
Is it really possible to be in love with two people at the same time?
In a way, I thought you could – my love for Ryo is different compared to my love for Jin. With Ryo, it was a gentle caring love that burned like a candle, whereas my love for Jin was addictive and passionate. But neither could measure up to one another because they were so different. So how was I going to make a choice?
"You know, your Auntie Kaiya was in the same situation once…," Mom spoke up, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
I lifted my head up from the table but didn't look at her, "Really?"
"Yeah," Mom leaned in, "Before her first day at college, she had to go and collect her library card, which is where she met Yuji. Then, just as she was about to leave, she met Daichi. She fell in love with both of them on the same day,"
"What did she do?"
"She used to moan to Echiko and I all the time about it, saying things like 'Yuji's so intelligent and focused but Daichi's so sweet and kind. I love them both so much, what am I going to do?' She would drive us and Grandma Sae completely crazy!" Mom laughed fondly at the memory, "She made herself so upset that she cried all the time she was away from the college. It was upsetting so Grandpa Masaki gave her some advice,"
"What advice did Grandpa give her?"
Mom rested her hand on my cheek so I could look up at her, "Look into your heart because that is where the true answer lies. The true answer will lead you down the right path,"
Is that true? My heart will lead me there?
"Take the advice, Akira-chan. Just look into your heart,"
"Did Auntie Kaiya look into her heart?"
"Yes. And she found the love of her life and the two of them now live happily with your two cousins,"
"Look into your heart because that is where the true answer lies. The true answer will lead you down the right path".
Looks like I have a big decision to make.
For the whole weekend, pretty much a whole 48 hours plus, I thought about nothing but Ryo and Jin and the situation, deciding what I should do.
It's my own decision. I have to make it. No-one else can…unluckily.
It's not like I could flip a coin…well, I could but…I guess fate wold decide for me…right?
No, no, no! It had to be my own decision. I have to listen to my heart.
It was a hard decision – my loves were completely different yet completely the same all at once.
What should I do? What should I do?
Needless to say, 48 hours plus wasn't enough.
I was back to school on Monday like normal, but it seemed that staying up all night the night before, worrying endlessly on how I would be around both Ryo and Jin; fretting that somehow someone would discover my secret and tell the entire fricking universe, tormenting myself of what would happen if I suddenly burst and spilled my secret, which resulted in me having a nightmare of Jin and Ryo having a fistfight in the cafeteria and then the whole school ensuing in the biggest fight since The King of Iron Fist Tournament 2, was all in vain because Ryo at another school for his P.E. coursework, Jin had a Further Maths mock exam followed by Business Studies revision classes and I was (compulsorily because of all the time I had off after Dad died) on classroom tidying duty between my lessons. With sore palms, aching knees and chalk dust clogging up my throat, I went to my locker to change textbooks for tomorrow and discovered I had library books I needed to return before the end of the week (I discovered this when I actually opened my locker and the books fell my toes, hard). I picked up my books, plugged in my iPod and made my way to the library.
One of my favourite songs, "One Thing" by Finger Eleven started to play.
Ah, I do love this song.
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
As I clambered up the endless steps and stairs, something dawned on me: I was going to have to face Ryo and Jin tomorrow.
Better now than never. But…
I knew I would have to see them at some point – school made that inevitable – but I was definitely not looking forward to it.
What if either of them can tell? What if someone else knows and told them? What if I secretly let it slip? What if they notice that I'm acting weird around them?
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something
What should I do? I haven't even made a decision yet. Should I just tell Ryo? Or Jin? Should I ignore my feelings? Should I stay with Ryo and tell Jin it's best that we shouldn't be friends? Should I let Ryo go and be with Jin?
I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this timeEven though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
Am I really in love with Jin? And with Ryo? Maybe I'm just confused…maybe this is a dream. A very long…terrible…dream.
Either way, I knew one thing for certain: I was going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow.
And that someone was going to get hurt.
Damn it.
I entered the library and immediately smiled when I spotted Mrs. Harada, the school's librarian.
"Hey, Mrs. Harada," I greeted as I approached her desk and pulled out an ear bud.
Mrs. Harada looked up and returned the smile, "Ah Akira-san, it's good to see you again,"
Mrs. Harada was polite and friendly, with long, brunet hair always tied in bun or ponytail; thick, black framed glasses that hid her eyes and always dressed in a white shirt, smart suit and high heels. I often visited the library (at least once a week or so) and so I had struck up a friendship with her.
"Checking in or checking out?"
"I've come to return last week's books, but I'll probably have a look around before I call it a day,"
"Good idea," I passed her the books so she could check the card. After scribbling the circle to confirm I had returned the books, she slotted them onto the carriage for newly returned books," All done. If you need help, just let me know,"
"Thanks," I left her desk and replaced my ear bud.
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something
I directly strolled over to the fiction section (and purposely avoided the 'romantic' shelves) and scanned the spines from the comic book and graphic novels division. But whenever I opened a comic or novel and tried to read it, I couldn't focus on it for more than 4 seconds. My mind just kept jumping back to Ryo and Jin.
What should I do? I can't be with them both at the same time; I could never forgive myself, nor expect them to forgive me when they find out. I've been with Ryo for nearly two years and we've been through much. I've known a little less than that, but…it's new, different.
I also laughed out loud because I saw a sudden contrast with me and Bella Swan from the Twilight Saga when I glimpse up at the section I usually visited, expect I don't think she got quite as worked as I have, and it was easier – Edward left her so she turned to Jacob. She probably fell in love with him simply because she was spending so much time with him.
Maybe that's what happened to me with Jin? I had been spending a lot of time with him lately…and he save me that time. Could that be why? Why I feel this way?
It's understandable – transference, or better known as infatuation. It's like when two people work closely together in a business – they spend a lot of time together, probably both inside and outside of work, so they start to develop romantic feelings towards eachother. But, if they work on another project or get a promotion so they're away from eachother, those feelings fade.
Infatuation is delusional.
Yes, that's what has happened between me and Jin! And there's an easy solution to this situation: stop spending so much time with Jin.
Spend less time with Jin, spend more time with Ryo.
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something
Suddenly, I felt lighter. It's all in my head! I wanted to punch the air with my fist, to infectiously smile, to sing at the top of my lungs.
I'm not in love with Kazama Jin! I'm in love with Kikukawa Ryo!
Determined to get my new plan of action underway, I chose to go home and phone Ryo, like we did during the early days of our relationship. I could feel the beam on face forming already as I put the comic I had been…studying (I don't know!) down and made my way towards the door to go home.
Everything warped into slow motion when I started to tread away. The sun's rays were flooding the room, the chilling breeze fluttering the sheer drapes and carrying fallen petals from the cherry blossom tree into the library, the fragrance of sunny weather sweeping in. Just as I passed the tall bookshelf of sci-fi books, I turned my head to inspect the rest of the students flittering around, only my heart stopped dead.
There, amongst the almost empty wooden tables was Kazama Jin, sat by himself, appearing to be entirely captivated by a book he had chosen. It was a picture embedded in my mind still to this day – Jin with his school jumper off, the few buttons of his shirt unfastened, his gloves removed, black reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, the streaming sunlight warming his skin, the sakura-pink petal floating all around him.
It was magical.
My mouth felt like the desert.
My chest felt tight.
My heart felt like a hard lump of rock.
My palms felt damp.
My breathing felt like it had been set alight.
My stomach felt like a million butterflies were somersaulting inside.
My knees felt like jelly.
My pulse felt like I had just ran a marathon.
All because I was looking at Jin Kazama.
Instincts took over and caused me to duck behind the bookcase, even though I knew Jin hadn't seen me nor would he notice because of his book.
Guess that proves it then. I really am in love with Kazama Jin.
And now, I really do need to make a decision.
Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds