Chapters 106-109 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing

Ivy found me on the couch later late one night, reading her novel.

There was no rule against friends reading each other's stories. It wasn't as if I was giving Ivy any special attention. Remus probably was still jealous, but it wasn't anything. I wanted to finish what she had written – I promised her. And friends keep their promises.

I almost didn't notice when she sat next to me and scooted over to peer at the page I was on. She didn't say a word, but I could hear her breathing rapidly, almost as if she was afraid of what I thought. I kept reading, waiting to finish the last page before I said anything.

Sebastian and Anne were in Sebastian's shop and they were talking. I could almost hear their confessions when the page suddenly went blank.

I paused, making sure that there wasn't any more I was missing. Opening my mouth slightly, I looked over at the girl next to me. Ivy was staring at me with wide eyes, leaning forward slightly. I blinked, surprised that she was sitting this close to me.

What was I going to say again?

"Hey, you two!"

James's voice interrupted my comment and Ivy immediately moved away from me. I could have sighed in frustration but instead, I turned to see him practically skipping over to us.

Skipping (not rare for him actually) meant one of three things:

1. Prank time.

2. Lily time (ew).

3. Or...a party.

"What's going on?" Ivy asked. If it was going to be number two, I was going to have to perform the killing curse on myself. There was only so much you could take. And hearing about "Lily time" isn't really a pastime of mine.

"I just remembered something!" James exclaimed, attacking the couch by rolling over it and landing on the other side of Ivy. "Friday is your birthday."

Which meant he wanted to have a party for her – number three.

And I would have to get her something this year and not just a stupid IOU. But not too elaborate of a present. We were only friends, after all.

"Yes, it is," Ivy exclaimed.

Or maybe the party could be her present. It was perfect. James grinned and I poked Ivy in the arm lightly to make her look at me. She had this adorable (no, not adorable) bewildered look on her face. "Why don't you let the Marauders throw you a party?"

She blinked a couple times and then said, "Uh, no."

"Why not?" James said. "We owe it to you."

She shrugged slightly and I noticed how uncomfortable she was. "I just want to have a quiet birthday."

But if she had a quiet birthday, then what could I get her as a present? Marauders parties were legendary and Ivy deserved one.

Peter suddenly appeared next to me. "It'd be fun though!" he said, smiling at her. Yes, Peter, use your "charms" and get her to agree.

"Fun for you," Ivy said. "But it wouldn't be fun for me. And since it's my birthday, shouldn't I get the birthday I want?"

'In a way,' I wanted to tell her.

"Of course," Remus said instead, walking over to us. She gave him that smile that they had reserved for each other. "What do you want?"

She paused, looking very thoughtful (not adorable). After a couple seconds, she finally said, "Um, I guess I just want to have a normal day. Without any pranking or hexing or anything remotely stressful."

How could a birthday be a "normal day?"

James laughed. "Yeah, I'll just go to Dumbledore and ask him to forget about the N.E.W.T.S this year."

"As long as you don't do anything stupid, it'll be a great day for me," Ivy explained.

She sounded truly sincere – she really didn't want anything to happen on her birthday. And if that was what she wanted, who were we to say otherwise?

"Fine," I agreed. "We promise that we won't do anything stupid."

And she smiled at me. "Good."

"But-" I found myself saying, "-we will make it your best birthday ever."

She stared at me for a few seconds, trying to figure out what I meant. "Oh...great..." she finally said slowly.

I had to grin at her hesitation.

-x-

It wasn't until she went up to bed did I remember the journal in my hands. I thought about giving it to one of her roommates, but Ivy was probably going to bed and she wouldn't need it until tomorrow anyway.

Without anything to do (with the exception of that Potions essay, but really, it wasn't a priority), I began flipping through Ivy's journal again, skimming the worn pages.

It was crazy that she would spend so much time writing a fictional story. How did she even come up with these ideas? They were so specific – how Sebastian was wearing his shirt with certain buttons undone and how his shoes were laced together.

Did Ivy just come up with random ideas out of the blue?

If I was writing, I wouldn't know how an article of clothing was exactly. I would have to think about it. Looking down, I glanced at myself and counted the buttons – six. Turning back to the page, I realized that Sebastian also had six buttons.

I had figured out her secret – she used real life to write her story.

She probably used real people too. Anne was a lot like her actually. Same personality and same appearance (except for a different hair color). And Sebastian, well, he would be Remus.

Except for the fact he wasn't anything like Remus.

He was almost the opposite of Remus – loud, spontaneous, even being a bit of a jerk to Anne when they first meant. And Remus was never a jerk to Ivy – he was always kind.

Unlike me. It seemed like such a long time ago when I hated to be around her. And now, it was the opposite. The opposite for Sebastian too. Even though it was in Anne's point of view, I could see that Sebastian was falling for the main character.

I flipped back a page, eyes falling onto the description of Sebastian. The first glimpse of him only described him as being a dark-haired young man.

For some reason, my heart began pounding madly as I hastily turned to the next section.

Light-colored eyes.

Next page.

Tall.

Fingers fumbling through the pages, I frantically made my way throughout the story. Flashing grins, womanizer, always laughing, making jokes, troublesome, flirting, voicewalkattitude – he was just like me.

I stopped to take a breath, resting on one of the last pages.

The conversation Anne and Sebastian were having was exactly like the one that Ivy and I had – almost down to the very word.

Did she think I wouldn't notice?

Why didn't I notice before?

What did this mean?

Why was she writing about me?

Was it even me? Was I imaging this? The whole dark-haired, light eyes, tallish figure of Sebastian could have been inspired by me, yes, but it didn't mean anything.

Maybe she didn't even realize that there were similarities. Maybe it was because I was helping her write it. Maybe she was trying to show me her appreciation by writing me into the novel.

But as the love interest? To the main character? Ivy's main character that was her in every single way?

The love interest – she saw me as the love interest. She wrote about how Sebastian was this hopeless love that would never notice Anne in return when I didn't know she was alive.

Could it – was it possible that it was about me?

I set the journal on the table in front of me and leaned forward, reading over the pages again.

My eyes followed him as he walked across the road, carrying a bundle of supplies for the shop. I let out a shaky breath at the sight of him and almost forgot what I was standing in the middle of the road for.

He smiled at his uncle when they locked eyes, not like his usual grins reserved for his friends and lovers. How I wished that he would just look at me once, lock eyes with me, so I could get lost in those light-colored eyes that would brighten when he would catch a glimpse of me. He would grin at me, one eyebrow rising in amusement as I would stutter and stammer at the close proximity of our bodies.

Maybe he would kiss me – just spontaneously – like he did with all of those other girls. A short, quick peck on the lips. That is, if he would notice me first.

I shook my head slightly, taking in another deep breath before turning around. I couldn't let myself get lost in my fantasies.

It was us. Ivy was the one standing in the road and I was the one she was fantasizing about. It wasn't my imagination – she wrote about us.

Which meant one thing: she fancied me.

-x-

"Why is he smiling?" "Is he crazy?" "He's finally gone off the deep end." "I think he killed someone." "Did he get a new girlfriend?" "He's obviously in love with me." "Is he planning a prank?"

I sat back in my chair, listening to the frenzied chatter around me. I hadn't been able to erase this secretive smile off of my face last night. According to James, I had been smiling during my sleep.

It was possible – I did have a dream about her.
I watched as she turned slightly in her chair, eyes connecting with mine. My smile widened at the sight of her and she quickly turned back around, her ears turning red.

I made her blush.

She barely made contact with me all day, as if she knew what I was thinking. I just continued smiling, watching as she stumbled over her own feet and blushed deeply when she looked in my direction.

I didn't think she was going to say anything. But, on the way down to dinner, she suddenly turned around and said, out of nowhere, "Can you please stop doing that? It's really creeping me out."

She was looking at me nervously like she didn't want to make eye contact with me. That only made my smile bigger. "Is it making you nervous?"

And then she hesitated, letting out that shaky breath that Anne was known for in her novel. "No," she obviously lied.

My smile immediately turned into a grin at her weak lie. She twitched slightly when she saw it and I turned and continued walking down the corridor toward the Great Hall.

Her footsteps were cautious, following me slowly, probably watching my every move. I gave her another grin, hoping it would cause her to say something again.

"This isn't about a birthday party for me or something?" she immediately exclaimed, her ears turning red. "You're not planning anything, are you?"

"It better not be because I haven't heard anything about it," James said, his voice lowering dramatically.

I chuckled at Ivy's expression. "No, it's not about your party."

She blinked at me and then hastily made her way down the corridor. I could tell she was trying not to trip.

It made me smile.

She spent the rest of the night with Remus, but for the first time, it didn't bother me. Because I knew that Ivy fancied me. Not Remus – me.

She probably thought of me when she was with Remus and even before she went to bed. When she was lying there, looking up at the ceiling, I would be the person she would think of before drifting off to sleep…

Peter and James kept trying to talk to me, but I couldn't help but let my mind wander to that shy girl who fancied me.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Peter and James staring at something behind me, their eyebrows raised slightly in surprise.

"Why are you smiling?" I heard that voice behind me.

I turned to see her standing behind me, teetering on her toes as if she was ready to run. She nervously tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and bit her lip.

I couldn't help it – her cute, panicked look made the corners of my lips twitch upward. "Because I'm a happy person," I answered simply.

She stared at me for the longest second, eyes never wandering from mine. For a moment, I thought she was going to confess. But then, she turned on her heel and left through the portrait hole.

"What are you doing to the poor girl, Padfoot?" James asked as soon as she left.

I paused. "Nothing," I answered truthfully. Nothing new anyway.

-x-

It took a day for the doubt to sink in.

I was sitting in Transfiguration when I realized that I could be seeing myself in this Sebastian character because I wanted to. Ivy could have been thinking of someone else – even no one – and I was just overreacting.

And then I couldn't smile anymore.

Because I was wrong. I had made up this whole thing just to think that Ivy liked me. Was I really that desperate? Why did I go out of the way for her?

On the way back from dinner, I stopped on the staircase, hand clutching the railing tightly. What if I was just scaring her away?

I needed to know. I needed to know if I was Sebastian – or if Ivy thought of me at all. But I couldn't just ask her – what if I was horribly wrong?

Groaning to myself, I began trudging up the stairs. All of those times where I wished I knew what Ivy Bennett was thinking couldn't even compare to now. I didn't just want to know – I needed to know.

Maybe I could ask someone. But who? Remus – no, he was too involved with her. Besides, he still might kill me by suggesting such a thing. So, who was left? James didn't know her that well. Peter wouldn't even know where to start. Lily...well, she would be a possibility if it wasn't so hard to get an answer out of her. Maybe one of Ivy's other roommates.

Or...

Maybe a family member.

Turning the opposite direction of the other Gryffindors, I began to make my way down the staircase. Why didn't I think about this before? Ivy was close to her sister – of course Eleanor would know something. And maybe she had the answers that no one else could know. I should have gone to her at the beginning of the year.

She was staring up at the ceiling when I entered the room, book upside down on top of her as if she just set it down (probably to analyze what she had just read). Her eyes were wide open – at least I knew she wasn't about to fall asleep yet.

"Hey, Ellie!" I greeted her, pulling out a chair to sit in.

She jumped slightly, clearly startled by the intruder's voice and turned to look at me. Realization passed through her eyes. "You're Sirius," she said, stating the simple fact.

"Yes, I am." I grinned at her.

She kept staring at me, moving slightly to get a better look. "Why are you here?"

My grin got wider. "Want to go for a little walk?"

Eleanor was silent for a couple seconds and then began shaking her head slowly. "I'm supposed to stay here."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the chair, shrugging. "And you're supposed to come on a trip to the kitchens with me. You promised."

Her eyes lit up suddenly. I knew the mention of the kitchens had caught her interest. "Wouldn't we get in trouble?" she asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Maybe."

She paused, staring at me with her eyes that were almost identical to her sister's. "Okay," she finally agreed, pushing the covers to the sides and pulling herself out of her bed.

I responded with a big grin as she came to stand by my side awkwardly, looking up at me as if she didn't know what to say. I reassured her with a couple "nothing bad will happen"s and then we set off for the kitchens.

At first, we walked in awkward silence, which really wasn't working. I couldn't figure out how to ask her about Ivy without making myself seem like I was going after her sister like she was prey. Instead, I said, "Have you snuck out before?"

She shook her head. "No, Liam's usually there and he doesn't want to risk my safety."

I snorted. "Pansy."

She smiled at that and, feeling more confident, I continued questioning her. "So, what have you been doing?"

And I knew her answer even before she said it out loud. "Reading books." Aha, now we were getting somewhere.

I nodded at her and said, casually, "Did you know your sister is writing a novel?"

"Oh, yes," she responded immediately. "I actually read it over break and she still doesn't know." I didn't expect that she actually read the whole thing. This made it even better.

"Yeah, I'm reading it too," I told her.

She remained silent. What was I supposed to say next? Maybe I should just get the point. Say that I fancied her sister…

We finally reached the kitchens and I tickled the pear to get inside. I let her climb in first and followed.

She ordered a hot chocolate (reminding me of her sister) and sat across from me, holding the mug in her hands as she stared me down. I smiled at her.

"She let you read her story?" she finally asked, taking a sip of her drink.

I nodded. "What do you think of it?"

Eleanor just blinked at me, tilting her head and watching me with wide eyes. "Don't you know what it's about?"

I decided to play it clueless. "It's about two people that fall in love. One is an ordinary citizen of the town and the other-"

She snorted into her hot chocolate. As if I said something funny. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"What's so funny?" I asked cautiously.

"Don't you understand?" she asked softly.

I shrugged, leaning back. "It's pretty self-explanatory."

Eleanor sipped on her hot chocolate for a few minutes and then looked over the mug at me. "Well?" she impatiently drew out her words.

I smiled at her. "Well what?"

She set the mug in front of her, never taking her eyes off of me. "Do you love her back?"

The grin spread across my face slowly. Eleanor watched me as if I was a mad man. "I believe I do."

-x-

When we slowly opened the door and peered inside, my eyes landed on a figure standing next to Eleanor's bed. Eleanor let out a little gasp of surprise (probably because she was caught leaving) and then rushed inside.

I followed her inside and saw the familiar silhouette.

"Sirius?" Ivy asked in disbelief, staring at me intensely as if she wasn't sure it was me. And then her eyes fell onto her sister.

She looked extremely worried and I struggled to say, "Hey, Ivy." What if she was mad?

"Hi," Eleanor greeted her.

Ivy let out a slow breath. "Where did you take her?"

She looked as if she was about to faint. "Here, sit down first," I said, motioning to the chair she was standing next to.

I moved to sit in the other chair as Eleanor scrambled back into her bed. Ivy slowly sat down in the seat, her gaze never wavering from mine. She was waiting for an explanation.

"I was passing by the hospital wing on the way back from dinner and I thought since your sister has been sitting in here for the past couple days that maybe she'd like a trip down to the kitchens."

Ivy quickly looked over at her sister. "You accepted?"

Eleanor just smiled shyly. "I wanted to go somewhere. Liam wouldn't take me – he was afraid for my well-being."

"And you just took her down there?" She sounded surprised, maybe even a bit worried.

"Don't worry – it was just a harmless trip the kitchens," I tried to explain myself. The last thing I needed was her being mad at me.

She sighed loudly, leaning forward and placing the palms of her hands against her forehead. She looked so angry.

"Oh." I suddenly remembered the book I had with me. "Here's your journal. I've been meaning to give it back to you." Maybe getting her journal back would make her feel better.

She eyed it and then took it from my hands.

I found myself speaking before I could stop myself. "You really should finish that last scene, you know. Besides, I have a feeling that Sebastian is falling for Anne and the rest of that scene should really portray that."

She looked at me and I knew I saw fear in her eyes. I smiled to reassure her.

Well, hello there. This chapter was exclusively written for Ivy's birthday. I was going to post on her birthday and we were going to celebrate.

You can guess that didn't work out.

Oh, well, happy belated half-birthday to me and happy belated birthday to Ivy!

So, I really hoped you liked this (longer) chapter. Thanks for reading and everything!