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"Don't be ridiculous Gail!", Your mother chides without ever looking up from her sleeping granddaughter she is rocking gently in her arms. "You can barely take care of yourself properly."
You roll your eyes and sigh, too exhausted to be having this argument, again. An infection has kept you in the hospital for three days longer than expected, and left you exposed to having prolonged visits from people like your parents.
"Mother! I'm fine, we're fine!" You insist as you close your eyes against her inevitable response. "And besides, Nick is here, and I also have Holly."
Holly and Bobby have gone back to work, your friends from your rookie class of the TOPD are out doing the tourist thing, and helping Nick move into his new apartment, leaving you alone with your parents for most of the day.
"Ned!" She scoffs, "He was never a particularly good boyfriend. So unreliable. I don't see how you can possibly believe he's going to be a much better father."
"Well Mother, Nick is Jerry's father, and he is here. He showed up." You reply, your eyes snapping open.
She ignores you and walks to the window, cooing and smiling at your daughter. She stands there for a moment, before turning to look at you.
"But Darling, you know all I want is what is best for Elizabeth." She purrs with a wide eyed smile that makes your gut clench. "And for you as well, of course. Surely you can see that Ned isn't going to move here permanently. Your father and I have agreed that you may have the guest suite until we can find you something suitable near by."
"Her name is Jerry." You state through clenched teeth.
"What was that dear?" She purses her lips and raises her eyebrows, challenging you to reply.
"I said," you scoot to sit up taller, "her name is Jerry, Mother!"
You can feel you blood pressure rising as the color rises in your face, and a knot of frustration builds behind your eyes.
"While your loyalty to detective Barber is commendable, Elizabeth is a far more appropriate name for a girl. Don't you think?" She smiles dangerously. You brace yourself. You can tell that she's about to go in for the kill. "I can't imagine that he would want his name used in a way that would be an embarrassment to her. Now, would you?"
You try to speak, but the words get caught in your throat.
"I know that Jerry would be proud and honored to have Gail's daughter named after him!" You hear Traci growl.
Traci! Thank God!
You look up to find her glowering at your mother from the doorway, your brother at her heels.
"If I were seeking your opinion, Tanya, I would have asked for it!" Your mother raises her eyebrows at her, with eyes like blue ice.
"Mother, be nice." Steve says softly, with a bemused expression.
"Stephen, I'm always nice." She replies, her expression softening, as her lips curl into a conspiratorial smile. "At any rate, I should be going. Your father and I have a dinner engagement at the Harvard Club this evening."
Of course they do.
She turns back to you, bends and straightens your covers a little.
"I'll see you later Gail." She says, kissing your head.
Gliding across the room, she hands Steve your child.
"And do try and talk some sense into your sister." She commands as she kisses him breezily on the cheek before she exits the room.
"What the hell was that?" Traci exclaims, throwing herself into the chair next to your bed.
"Oh, you know..." You sigh, closing your eyes against the tears of frustration that suddenly threaten to come. You struggle to breathe as the weight that has settled on your chest becomes unbearably heavy.
"Sometimes... That woman...!" She replies grimly.
You open your eyes to find her sitting arms crossed, with a tight lipped grimace, and a determined scowl. The vehemence of her reaction surprises you.
"Come on Traci," Steve says, sitting down on your bed as Jerry begins to squirm and whimper, "she only wants what she thinks is best for her family, and her bark is worse than her bite."
"Even you can't possibly believe that!" Traci glares at him.
You reach over and take your daughter from his arms. You lift the bottom of your t-shirt to offer her a breast as she begins to cry.
"Ugh, Gail! Really?!" Steve makes a face and looks away, "Gross!"
"What!" You glare at him, "She's hungry!"
Traci starts to laugh softly at him.
"Why can't you just give her a bottle, like a normal person?" He whines.
"Moo!" You say to him, making Traci laugh harder. Then turning to her, "I don't know how you did it! She's not even a week old, and my nipples already want to fall off my body."
"When Leo was a baby, I was in school, and then at the academy, so I did a lot of pumping and freezing." Traci smiles at you in a motherly way. "But you have to find the right breast pump..."
"You know what?" Steve interrupts, "I'm gonna go see if there is anything good in the cafeteria."
He stands up brushing the imaginary dust from his jeans, and strides towards the door.
"What's wrong Steve? Can't take a little girl-talk?" You taunt him.
"Just..." He screws up his face and waves his hands frantically at you, "Ugh, gross! Yeah, just no!"
"Nice." You deadpan, and then stick your tongue out at him.
Traci gets up, shaking her head and laughing at your antics. "Well," she says, "if you are going to the cafeteria you could bring us back some coffee." She smiles and kisses him.
"Eeew!" You exclaim, "Just for that disgusting display of PDA, you can bring us back some cake too! Now scram, before you make me lose my appetite!"
"I highly doubt that anything I could do would make you lose your appetite, Garbage Pail!" He shoots back at you before scooting out the door.
The kid lets go of your breast with a stretch, and a loud belch. She looks up at you with her slightly unfocused, but alert blue eyes, as if she can't wait to see and learn everything, and once again you are in awe. She smacks her lips, yawns, and stretches without ever looking away from you, filling your chest with a warmth that grows and threatens to explode. It's like you simply can't believe how incredibly perfect she is! As her tiny eyebrows knit together, Traci reaches for her.
"Here, let me." She says, "I bet she needs to be changed."
"Are you sure?" You reply half heartedly, happy not to have to get out of bed.
"Oh Gail, I've changed so many diapers, I'm like a baby changing machine!" Traci smiles at you, "And besides, you should rest up and take it while you can. I hear that the two of you will probably be going home tomorrow. You'll have your hands full soon enough!"
"Well thanks," you chuckle, "I won't argue with you."
"So... Holly, huh." Traci looks up at you with sparkling eyes.
"Yeah." You smile shyly back at her.
"You know, she let me tag along with her yesterday." Traci sighs, "I wish our forensics people were that efficient and detail oriented!"
"Don't let my mother hear you say that! She'll try to snatch Holly away to Toronto in a heartbeat." You say with a frown.
"Would that be so terrible?" She asks. "We miss you!"
"I highly doubt that." You groan.
"You're a good cop, Gail." She tells you, "I'm sure they would let you come back now, if you reapplied."
"Not you too..."you moan.
"I miss you." She says quietly.
She busies herself with dressing Jerry, and picks her up. You feel yourself blush at the wave of affection you feel for the woman who has become possibly your closest friend as you watch her settle into the chair next to you with your daughter in her arms.
Damn you pale skin!
And you realize that she deserves an actual response.
" I like it here Traci." You tell her, "And the people here actually seem to like me. They respect me. They judge me for the kind cop I am, and the job I do, not what my name is, or how many white shirts are in my family."
Eyes glowing softly with warmth and pride as she smiles at you, she says, "I'm happy for you Gail! How can anyone argue with that?"