FEW DAYS LATER AT CHEZ CHEZ….

Bren POV

Declan came to stay for awhile, to spent Christmas with me and Cheryl. I was so happy, so glad to see him again. He was like a light of dark days that became a routine. Stephen didn't even acknowledge my existence these days. He worked his shifts and acted as nothing ever happened between us. It hurt. On the other hand I couldn't manage with both of them at the same time: Declan and Stephen, so I accepted his behaviour as it was without making any needless move on him. But how long could I? I wanted be near him and he denied me even that. Whenever I talked in his presence with someone else, he dissapeared immidiately with an excuse to clean the tables, pick up some glasses, whatever. It was one of such situations when I had a conversation with Jacqui and he did it again. He made his way downstairs to the cellar so I finished with Jacqui and followed him making sure noone saw me. I opened the door. He stood back to me busied himself with some crates. I decided to play it cool so I stood next to him looking for God knows what between the bottles.

Ste POV

What was he doing here? And why he was searching for a wine if the only alcohol he drinks is whiskey? He is so close…too close. Although he hasn't done anything yet. I mean, he hasn't done a move on me. Then it's fine, right? He can do whatever he wants in his club and in his cellar, but why so near me? Doesn't he know it hurts me? Each time I see him I remember about everything we could have had. I love him and that love is like a fire that hurts me but I can't put it out. It's madness, it's insane and it's wrong. I know. Dear heart, why him?

Bren POV

- Didn't know you where here? – I say casually turning a bottle of wine around in my hand. 'Me and wine?' There is no fucking chance he believes me.

Ste POV

'Of course I don't believe him…I might be a bit daft but not that much.' I think rolling my eyes off.

Bren POV

'Yeah, great, Brendan.' I thought to myself. Okay, let's try something more natural and…normal.

- Wanna hand with those crates? – I threw an innocent question

- Nahh – he mumbles

- I don't think you can handle this by your own? – I insisted

- Ohh…so nice of you, Brendan…Thanks. I can do it by myself.– he makes pouty lips and sounds a bit sarcastic

His lips, those lips of his…I just wanna grab him forcing him to kiss me. He drives me crazy. he drives me mad.

- I'm just trying to have a polite conversation. Why are you so difficult Stephen? – I grasp his arm when he passes me by with crates.

- Get off me. – he dares me with his eyes

I let him go because I didn't want to worse things instead of making them better. But it hurts so much. I'd love to kiss him right there, having him in my arms….just for a few moments, nothing more…just a bit of this sweet, addictive feeling of his lips against mine and his body heat radiating through his t-shirt.

Ste POV

I want him but I can't have him. I love him but I can't be with him. Not properly anyway. I need to put some distance between us because if I don't I will be in his bed faster than I think, I know it.

Bren POV

At the flat Cheryl, Lynsey and Declan were chatting in the kitchen preparing something to eat. They were in such a good mood. Radio turned on, smiles on their faces. I evied them, I guess. Just a bit. Only a bit.

- I hope that whatever is in this pot…please, tell me there are NOT vegetables. – I pointed first at the pot and then at Deccy

- Don't worry dad. You're not going sleep hungry, alright? – he smiled

- Damn right, I am NOT. – I teased him – You know what? I thought we could go to see some movie tomorrow…You up for it? – I asked him

- Sure.

- Hey, we could get along, too? – Cheryl glanced at me and Deccy hopefully - ..and maybe Gilly?

- Uuuhh – I rolled my eyes – Great! I just wanted to spend some time with my son…- I lifted my hands up looking at the ceiling and pleading God to make it as less painful as possible.

- Oh, come on dad. More persons, more fun, right?…Maybe we could even invite Ste with his boyfriend? What do you think ? – he asked me and I almost choked with air in my throat.

- Ummm…I..I don't know…maybe…I mean he's not his…

- I believe what your dad tries to tell you is that Ste might have some other stuff to do. He's got kids, you know…Isn't it, Bren? – she stroked my shoulders in comfort

- ..Yeah. Excatcly. Kids. – I confirmed.

Declan seemed to understand.

NEXT DAY IN THE EVENING AT STE'S...

Ste POV

- Wanna go out? – Nathan's voice made me come back to reality

- …What? No, why?

- I don't know. You look like you need something more than watching telly with your mate? – he said carefully observing my reaction. Maybe he's got right…Maybe I needed it. I liked spending time with him like that though. On the couch and eating some snacks. My favourite snacks actually.

- But I don't feel like dancing or…

- That's fine. We can do the same as here but elsewhere, hm?

- Like at the movie…? – I deducted

- Bingo! You're sooo clever when you try. – he teased me. He was always at good mood, I give him that. So we went out.

Bren POV

The movie was so boring and noises people around were making so iritaiting…I tried to close my eyes for a while. Declan looked happy anyway. Cheryl was whispering with Gilly. It seemed like only Lynsey accompanied Deccy to follow what was happening onscreen. Suddenly I heard that stupid laugh opposite our row. It was more distracting than any other over there…and so iritating…so incredibly annoying. I opened my eyes and glanced in direction I suspected the source of my headache sat. I was almost opening my mouth to quiet that person but I couldn't…because I realized just before my eyes confirmed it – that was Stephen. Stephen was sitting with his…whoever he is…watching a film at the movie and apparently having fun. So…NICE, isn't ? I thought I was going to threw up right there seeing them together so cosy. Then there IS something between them, right? He lied to me. I can't believe I actually believed him. It was obvious.

- Dad, are you alright? – Declan pushed his elbow to my side getting my full attention

- Yeah, I'm fine. Let's watch it. – I responed

That was why I was here. For my son. To make it up to him for my absence and all that. I needed to focus on Declan. He was the most important now.