Shattered Hearts Chapter 25, a sailor moon fanfic

Your memory is still here, like a downpour.
It breaks strongly on me, but slowly on fire.
It burns and it soaks the same,
and I don't know what to think anymore...
if your memory does me good, or if it does me wrong...

A gray kiss, a white kiss.
It all depends on the place.
That I left, that's clear,
but you memory won't go.
I feel your lips on summer nights.
There they are,
taking care of me in my loneliness.
But sometimes they want to kill me...

Sometimes gray, sometimes white,
it all depends on the place.
That you left, that's the past.
I know I have to forget you.
But I put a little candle to all my Saints.
There it is, for you to think of me.
Don't stop thinking of me...

(Think of me) It's antidote and poison to the heart.
(Makes you good) It stings and it soaks, it comes and goes.
(Where are you?) Trapped between the verses and that goodbye...

Your memory is still here,
like a may downpour.
It breaks so strongly on me,
that it even burns my skin.
It burns and it soaks the same,
and I don't know what to think anymore...
if your memory does me good, or if it does me wrong...

Your memory is still here...
It breaks strongly on me, it breaks...
it breaks the heart.
It burns and it soaks the same.
I know I have to forget you...

If your memory does me good, or if it does me wrong...

(Tu recuerdo - Ricky Martin)

The tall brunette woman parked the car in front of the apartment building. Turning around on her seat, she looked into Seiya's concerned blue eyes, as the black haired woman held a now silent, broken blonde woman.

"Haruka," Yaten gently called out to her, also turning around in her seat, and taking the blonde's hand in hers. The rush of absolute sadness overwhelming her instantly, as she could feel the racer's broken heart, and her defeated spirit.

Dull, puffed green eyes looked into Yaten's lighter ones for a moment, before she blinked, now turning her face to the entry door of her apartment building. And when she nodded her head, once, barely, the silvery haired woman was fast to get out of the car, opening the door for Haruka to step out, and encircling an arm around her waist, to help her straighten up.

Seiya was fast to help her carry the broken blonde, as Taiki took upon the task of looking for Haruka's keys, guiding the four of them inside.

The silence was deafening, and the black haired woman tried hard to ignore the almost unbearable itchy feeling on her forearm, as her alarming concern kept on growing in waves.

She had only seen her this broken once before. And just like before, seeing her like this was heartbreaking. And if the last time was any indication, she didn't want to think of the possibilities.

She had seen her cry before. She had heard her softly crying over the phone many times, on those countless times when the racer had needed a friendly, familiar voice to keep herself from drowning in her own sorrow, in her own desperation. And even though they would talk about meaningless things, stupid things, really, Seiya had always known the blonde's phone calls were some sort of lifeboat. The still warm, crimson stain on her butter colored pencil pants was a painfully obvious reminder of that.

The tone on Haruka's voice during those phone calls was more than enough to make her worry; easily recognizing her broken, almost shaky voice, as she asked about her princess, about her daughter, about her friends. About everyone. But not about her. Never about her, although Seiya knew, that was the one question Haruka was dying to make, but never voiced. And after every phone call, the black haired Starlight would be shamefully grateful for that. Because she was sure, there was no possible way to tell her that the violinist was alright, that she was somehow moving on with her life, when Seiya knew, those words would only hurt Haruka more.

In the end, she only ended up assuring her that everyone was alright, but missing her greatly.

And the blonde would sigh at that, thanking her for listening, and then asking for her silence. And feeling ashamed for lying like that, when everyone was so worried about the racer's whereabouts, and although she herself had never really asked and Haruka had never offered any explanation, but understanding the tall blonde needed that time to herself, Seiya kept her word. And her silence.

But then Setsuna had found her, and all it took for the blonde to come back home was Hotaru's crying voice on the phone, telling her she missed her, and begging her to come back.

They had all taken up on the task of taking care of her then, being careful not to do it too openly, so the blonde wouldn't feel suffocated at them. So while Haruka looked for a place to move in, not wanting to accept Setsuna's offer, knowing one aquamarine haired woman would most certainly visit her from time to time, Seiya had offered her a place to stay with her and the other two.

The place soon became a Senshi parade, with Usagi and Minako coming in to cheek on the racer, and trying to make her smile with funny, crazy stories, and Rei and Ami always coming with some excuse or another to pretty much force the blonde out of the apartment. Makoto's eternal demonstration of her cooking abilities had the four temporal roommates enjoying the most delicious food, while listening to some funny story about Hotaru's school mates.

Even Mamoru would swing by every other weekend, to simply sat down on the couch with one tall blonde woman, as the two of them would talk about cars and sports and the like. The Prince had even made her get out of the apartment more than once, saying his car was making weird noises, or his motorbike wouldn't start.

But it still took time for Haruka to get back on her feet. And the last straw came when Haruka simply collapsed on the track and she was taken to the hospital.

The episode seemed enough to shook her back to reality again, somehow, when the doctors, along with both Mamoru and Ami, specifically and clearly told her she could not afford to lose one more pound without truly risking herself. Her body was really suffering her lack of a proper, healthy diet, and if she truly wanted to keep on being a car racer, not to mention staying alive at all, then she seriously needed to start taking care of herself.

But in the end, she pulled it off.

She started gaining weight, slowly but surely recovering her strength. Soon she even started running again; getting herself back from that abyss she had fell into, with all her friends around her, to support her. Letting her know they were all there for her, that they cared.

Right after the blonde moved out to her own place, her and the black haired Starlight had somehow silently agreed to go back to their old ways. Mocking, teasing, annoying each other almost all the time, though they both knew neither of them truly meant it. In a rather peculiar way -their own way-, they've became friends, and they actually enjoyed their bickering. And Seiya was really glad to have the old, confident, aloof, self sufficient tall woman around again.

And then Kaito came into the picture. And Seiya had known from the very begging, that relationship was not meant to last. She had hoped to be wrong, wanting the both of them to be happy, but, well... how could they? How could Haruka really be happy with Kaito, or with anyone else for that matter, when she was still so in love with one aquamarine haired violinist?

They stepped out of the elevator and made their way down the hallway, soon entering the apartment. The sight welcoming them there surprising the three women, as the tall blonde simply walked in, making her way to her bedroom.

"Is she moving out?" Yaten asked, in a hushed whisper, looking around the almost empty apartment.

"Go see if there's anything in the kitchen to make some tea," Taiki instructed. "I'll go talk to her..."

"We should..." Seiya started, but Taiki shook her head.

"I need to talk to her, ok?" she insisted, in an almost pleading tone. "Just... go make some tea," she said again, now looking at Yaten. "And you probably shouldn't be near her right now..." she softly added, knowing full well the empath was most certainly feeling the racer's pain as her own.

"She's right," Seiya said, gently and lovingly caressing Yaten's arm.

"I'm fine," the petite woman said, taking Seiya's hand in hers, and smiling up at them.

"We'll be in the kitchen for now, alright?" the black haired Starlight said, giving Taiki the time alone she had asked for. "Call us if you need anything."

"Of course," Taiki said, smiling as she saw the two walking hand in hand into the kitchen.

Taking a deep breath, the brunette Starlight made her way into Haruka's bedroom, only to find her putting some clothes into a suitcase.

"What are you doing?" she asked, frowning, and pointing at the suitcase resting in the middle of the naked bed.

The blonde stopped for a moment, frowning down at the pair of jeans she had in her hands, before putting them on the suitcase.

"I'm packing," she finally answered. "The guys from the moving company should be here tomorrow... you think you could do me a favor and be here for them?" she asked, as she turned back around and to her closet, taking a pile of neatly folded t-shirts and putting them on the suitcase as well. "I... I can't stay here anymore..."

"Where are you going?" Taiki asked, walking up to the tall woman, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Sad, green eyes looked into her purple ones for a moment, before a sided, broken smile came to the blonde's lips.

"Don't worry, Taiki," she whispered, softly. "I'm not pulling a disappearing act again," she assured her, turning back to her closet to take some more clothes, when she stopped in front of a small, white box.

"Then where are you going?" the tall Starlight asked again.

"Home," Haruka whispered, almost soundlessly, as she opened the box, taking out a silver ring. A yellow, almost golden stone nested in it, as the blonde's long, shaky finger traced it around. "I'm going home," she whispered again.

Taiki frowned, not understanding what the blonde meant by that. "What's that?" she asked, looking at the handmade silver ring, while trying to find the right words, the right way to reach the tall blonde woman and talk to her.

"My wedding ring," Haruka finally answered, after a long pause. "Kind of..." she then added, frowning lightly, as once again the tears started filling her eyes, and she sat down on the floor, with her back against the bed. "Guess it doesn't really matter anymore... does it?"

Taiki frowned, noticing the red, dried blood on the blonde's left wrist, coming from under her black leather watch. And she didn't need to ask any questions, already guessing the answer by the ashamed look on Haruka's face, and the way she hid her wrist when noticing Taiki's stare.

"You should put a bandage around that," Taiki simply said, not asking any questions, knowing the blonde would probably not give her any answers anyway.

"It's just a scratch," the blonde said, her voice almost a whisper.

Taiki let out a sigh, sitting down next to her.

"Haruka... I... I'm sorry," she started to say. "It was my fault you broke up with Michiru... and I'm so, so sorry... God, you must hate me so much..." she trailed off, murmuring.

The blonde shook her head, sniffling. "It wasn't your fault."

"How can you say that?" the tall Starlight asked, frowning. "She thought you were with someone else, when you were with me the entire time... I..." she trailed off again when she saw the tears finally rolling down Haruka's cheeks again. "Why didn't you tell her the truth? Why didn't you tell me? I could've talked to her and... you weren't doing anything wrong, you were just helping me out..."

"It doesn't matter," Haruka interrupted her, sniffling again and wiping the tears out of her eyes. "It would've happened anyway..." she whispered, brokenly. "We were fighting all the time... arguing..."

"But..."

Haruka looked up at her, green eyes filled with tears and sorrow. "She made up her mind before I could explain anything, Taiki," the blonde said, gasping. "She... she was more than ready to point fingers at me and... and we were miserable... she couldn't trust me anymore... so what was the point?"

She chocked in her own tears, and Taiki was fast to hug her, letting her cry on her shoulder, gently rubbing her back.

"She deserves better..." the blonde chocked out. "I didn't mean for this to happen... I didn't mean... to hurt anyone... I just... I screwed up, and I'm sorry... I'm sorry I hurt her, I'm sorry I hurt Kaito..."

"He's a big guy," Taiki reassured her, gently rubbing her back. "He knew what he was getting himself into. I've known him almost all my life, and I know he thought he could make it work..." she said, softly. "And I know you care for him, and that you tried too... and I also know how hard it is to try to be with someone, when your heart belongs to someone else... but you can't blame yourself for trying..."

Green eyes blinked at her then; a frown coming upon the blonde's soft, crying features, before her eyes went wide open. A sudden realization hitting her, hard on the face. And as Taiki noticed this, a sad, soft smile came to her lips.

"You can't choose who to fall in love with," the Starlight stated, in a soft, sad whisper. "It just... happens."

"You... you have feelings for him?" Haruka asked, incredulous, in a shaky, low whisper; her green eyes, blinking and filled with tears, searching into Taiki's purple ones. "I-I'm so sorry... I didn't know... I swear, I wouldn't have..."

Taiki chuckled, shaking her head, in an almost broken, surrendered manner. "Like I said, I've known him all my life," she said. "I'm his best friend. The one he comes to when he needs to talk... when he needs a female perspective..." she explained. "I'm his friend, and that's all I'll ever be, and I'm... I'm fine with that... now."

Long, slender arms encircled themselves around Taiki's neck, as the blonde practically threw herself into the Starlight's arms, apologizing over and over.

Taiki returned the embrace, gently rubbing her back. "It's ok, Haruka," she assured her. "You didn't know... I never told anyone and he... he was so crazy about you..." she said, now breaking the embrace and looking at her. "I just want him to be happy. And you gave him that... for a while... so thank you for that."

"I'm so sorry," Haruka said again, wiping her tears, now in an angry manner. "God, what is wrong with me? I just keep hurting... everyone... and I'm sorry"

"Haruka, come on, that's not..."

"I do, I hurt everyone!" the blonde exclaimed in between tears. "Michiru, Kaito, you... Hotaru, Usagi... everyone..."

"Ok, Haruka, look at m,e" the Starlight said, taking the blonde's face in between her hands and forcing her to look straight at her. "Stop thinking about everyone else. Stop trying to do what you think it's best for others, because that's what got you into this mess in the first place. So stop it, and start thinking about what you want," she said, with a gentle voice, but still strong enough to make her point. "Are you really gonna let Michiru go like that? You love her. And I'm sure she feels the same..."

"No, she doesn't," the blonde argued, shaking her head. "She's with Sora now, and she loves him..."

"Does she? Really?" Taiki asked, frowning. "I'm not saying she doesn't care for him, but... what you two had... that kind of love is a once in a life time. Do you really think she just put it all behind? You think it's so easy?"

"It doesn't matter anymore... it's too late," Haruka said, brokenly. "She's with him now and... and he can give her all the things I can't."

Taiki frowned at that, obviously disagreeing. "Like what?"

She shook her shoulders, lowering her gaze again. "A family," she whisper, brokenly. "Marriage. Someone she can bring home with her, and get along with her parents..."

Confused, worried purple eyes looked into her teary green ones. "Is that really what you think? You're giving up because of what? Society's expectations?" Taiki asked, frowning. "Since when do you care about all that? It's bullshit!"

Haruka closed her eyes for a moment, resting her head back, against the mattress. Letting out a sad, broken sigh, she finally opened her eyes again after a moment, turning her face to look at Taiki.

"He's asking her to marry him," she stated; her voice breaking at her last words. "She's gonna marry him..."

Next on Shattered Hearts: "I know I act like I don't give a crap, but that's not true. I do care"