A/N: I hope all of my mid-atlantic readers have dug out from under the feet of snow! I'm attempting to go into work today. We got just under 3 feet here. Wish me luck! This chapter is a bit sad but has a good ending. Enjoy!
Chapter 25: Emma
Emma kept her promise, intending to call Killian when her shift ended at the auto shop but Ruby called her first.
"Emma...do you think you could come by the restaurant?" Ruby asked in a tone that made Emma instantly wary.
"Yeah, why?" She asked, trepidation in her voice.
"Killian is here and he's...really drunk. He got here when we opened and has been drinking since. I cut him off a little bit ago, but he asked for you…" Ruby explained.
Emma was surprised. In the short time she knew Killian she knew that he drank on occasion but she never pegged him for a drunk, especially a day drunk, "I'll be right there."
She didn't bother trying to find a parking spot in the summertime rush at the restaurant, instead just pulling up haphazardly in the fire lane, hoping she could easily grab Killian and take him home, and if not, that Will was the officer on duty and hopefully he wouldn't give her a ticket.
Entering the restaurant she headed immediately for the bar and met Ruby's eyes. With a nod of her head Ruby gestured toward the far end of the bar. Emma could see a figure slumped over. This was worse than she anticipated.
"Killian?" She asked softly, placing her arm on his shoulder.
She watched as he turned to face her, eyes bloodshot as he winced from the movement. He blinked a few times as though he couldn't believe she was there. "Emma?" He slurred.
"Yeah, how about we get out of here?" She asked and Killian nodded shuffling to his feet. His dug into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and throwing a handful cash into the bar. Ruby shook her head at Emma indicating he had already paid the tab. Emma waited until he turned around before grabbing the cash and shoving it into her pocket. Once she took him home she'd find a way to slip the money back into his wallet.
Dumping him into her car was a little harder than she imagined but at least he was a cooperative drunk, even if he didn't have the coordination to fasten his seatbelt on his own. When she leaned over his chest to grab the belt, his hand came up to her face. "You're beautiful, you know that?" He slurred.
Emma blushed and quickly fastened his seatbelt. His head slumped against the window and she opted to drive him home in silence instead of trying to figure out how they were in that position in the first place. He stirred when she put the car into park in front of his condo. "You brought me home?"
"I did. Can you give me your keys?" Emma asked, turning off the car and opening the driver's side door.
Killian fumbled in his pockets for a few minutes before finally retrieving a set of keys and proudly handing them over to Emma. She helped him out of the car and into his condo, directing him toward the couch. He dropped his wallet on the table and kicked off his shoes, flopping down on the couch.
Brinkley barked hello to her and sat patiently at the front door. It took Emma a few minutes to realize he needed to go out. She looked over at Killian for assistance but his eyes were closed, his head tipped backward onto the pillows, soft snores coming from his mouth.
"Okay." She said walking over to Brinkley and patting his head. "It's just you and me and I've only done this once or twice when I was a kid so go easy on me? Do you have a leash?"
As though the dog understood English, he trotted over to the closet in the entryway and pawed at the door. Emma looked inside and found a leash hanging from a peg. Brinkley sat perfectly still as she clipped it to his collar. Grabbing Killian's keys off the coffee table where he had dropped them, she took the leash in her other hand and opened the front door hoping walking Brinkley would be quick and painless. Unsure of where to walk him, she allowed Brinkley to lead her around the back of the building facing the bay. He sniffed around for a while and then as though he remembered Emma's inexperience, he headed over to an old tree stump and quickly did his business, coming back to her and following her back into the condo.
"Emma?" Killian asked, blinking at her as though he couldn't tell if she was really there or not.
"Yes?" She replied, walking towards him.
"You're really here." He said stupidly, blinking at her.
"I am. Do you think you could eat something? Drink some water maybe?" She asked, hoping he would just agree with her and continue being a cooperative drunk.
"You're beautiful. So gorgeous and stunning and you don't even know it. Any man you were with before was a fucking moron, Swan. I thought you should know that. You deserve to be treated like a princess and nothing less. They weren't worthy of you. I'm not either but I'll be damned if I don't try." He replied instead.
Emma felt her face flush, knowing knowing that sober thoughts often fell from drunken lips. She decided not to answer him, muttering about water and painkillers.
His eyes fluttered open at her as she placed the bottle of water on the table. She knew he would need something for the impressive hangover he was going to be sporting tomorrow. She went back into the kitchen, carefully opening the cabinets, looking for any medication he had.
Just as she was about to call out to him and ask, soft snores carried over to her from the couch. Brinkley had joined her in the kitchen, lapping noisily at his water bowl. "Now what am I going to do with him? It's not like you have any idea where the painkillers are." Emma found herself talking to the dog.
With a sigh, she headed back toward the bedrooms feeling slightly awkward that the first time she was seeing Killian's bedroom was when he was currently passed out on the couch. She didn't want to snoop but noticed how neat the room was. The bed was perfectly made and folded clothes sat on the end of it. The door to the master bath was open so Emma headed inside, noting the towels hung up evenly, nothing on the counter but his toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. Pulling open the medicine cabinet, her eyes landed on a bottle of aspirin which she quickly grabbed.
Returning to the living room she dropped the pills on the table next to the water bottle and stood there watching him not sure what to do next. Reaching in her pocket she pulled out the crumpled bills and smoothed them, sliding them quickly back into his wallet.
The old Emma would leave. Water and aspirin was more than kind enough but something kept her there. He muttered something in his sleep that sounded suspiciously like "Liam" and Emma felt her heart lurch. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over him.
She sat down on the chair, kicking off her shoes and tucking her feet under her. On his end table she found a book and opened the well-worn spine, telling herself she was just staying to make sure he didn't have alcohol poisoning.
Eventually she must have drifted off, awaking a few hours later at the soft sounds of movement. Her eyes fluttered open, heart stuttering in her chest for a moment until she remembered where she was. Killian was looking back at her. "You stayed."
She nodded, feeling embarrassed at his words. Her hands wiping at her eyes. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you?"
Emma watched as he hesitated to answer. "No, I'm not." He said finally.
She was the one to hesitate this time, her fingers coming up to play with the pendant of her necklace. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Join me in my much more comfortable bed." He replied stretching his arms above his head and rolling his neck, trying to get the kinks out.
Her eyebrows raised at his bold request. "Not like that. I just…" He trailed off.
She looked at him, taking in the downturn of his lips, the way his shoulders slumped and remembered the name she thought she heard him mumble in his sleep. He had been there for her, now it was her turn to return the favor.
Emma stood up, reaching her hand out to his and helping him up. His fingers slid between hers and squeezed slightly and she knew she had made the right decision. "Lead the way."
She followed him down the hall and into his bedroom, standing to the side as he drew the curtains, allowing the moonlight to filter in, combined with the nightlight in the bathroom provided just enough light to see each other. Emma tried to ignore how awkward she felt, it has been years since she shared a bed with a man. When he turned down the comforter and slid under it, she did the same keeping a respectable distance between them.
Killian's arm raised. "May I hold you?" He asked.
Emma blinked stupidly at him for a moment, amused at his grammatical correctness while inebriated. She moved closer, tucking herself into his side and resting her head on his chest. She thought she was the one supposed to be helping him although their positions suggested otherwise. His fingers toyed with the ends of her hair and she realized maybe this was helping him, just her being there.
"Have I told you what today is yet? Forgive me, the events of the day are a touch spotty." He asked.
Emma shook her head. "We really haven't talked. Ruby called me at the bar, saying you had asked for me. I brought you here and you fell asleep almost right away."
"Thank you. For coming to the bar, for bringing me home. For staying." He said sincerely.
"It's no big deal…" She started but he cut her off.
"It is. Today especially. It's been a year since Liam died. I didn't really wish for you to see me like this, but my inebriated self has other ideas apparently." He said.
"Given how you saw me a few days ago, I think we can call it even. It's only been a year for you and you're much more together about it than I am three years later." Emma replied, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
"I'm not sure drowning my sorrows in beer and rum in a bar for an entire afternoon means I'm together about it." He mused.
She winced. Of course he wasn't. He just chose to run from his memories in a public place and then ask for her. "You're right. I'm so sorry, I just meant-"
His fingers twirled in her hair. "I know what you meant love. We all deal with our demons differently. That's why I told you I wouldn't judge you for hiding from the world back in June. I spent months after Liam's death locked in the house only leaving to buy more rum."
"Tell me about him? Or don't if it won't help. I'm sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing." Emma babbled, feeling stupid that she had no idea how to comfort someone.
"You're doing fine. You're here, which means the most. If you would like to hear about him, I'm sure there's a story or two I could share." Killian said.
She lifted her head up and tilted it back to look at him, nearly brushing her lips against his scruff as she did so. "I'd like to hear it."
"It was Liam's idea to open the bookstore. I was fine with playing guitar at night, but he wanted a better future for us. He decided on a bookstore because books had been an important part of our childhood. My mum read to us each night and encouraged us to read throughout the day as well. After she passed, Liam continued the tradition and read aloud at night. When we were living with less than pleasant distant relatives, the books were our escape. There we got to be knights and heroes, princes and pirates, friends and foes. Even though Liam was too old he would still indulge me and pretend to be a character in a book. He wanted the bookstore as tie to our mother, as a reminder of the happier parts of our childhood. The children's book section in the store was the biggest part and Liam used to dress up like a book character and read the stories to the kids there."
"Was it hard to sell with those reminders?" Emma asked, trying desperately not to feel jealous of his story. She read more now as an adult than she ever did as a kid and was jealous she had never thought to turn to a book as an escape.
"Surprisingly, not. Perhaps it's because we hadn't owned it long enough to really make our own memories there. It wasn't easy, of course, but my memories of my mother were tied more to actual books and those of Liam to the ocean." Killian said and then paused as though he was lost in his own memories.
"I broke his wrist when we were fishing one day. He teased me about it for ages." Killian mused with a short laugh.
"What? How?" Emma asked.
"Back in Ireland we rented a small fishing boat and had been out on the water for hours without any luck. I was young, maybe ten years old and boredom got the best of me. I was swinging the rod back and forth in the water when something finally decided to go after my lure. I panicked and Liam rushed over to take the rod. Whatever it was was really strong and knocked him backward as he was truth to reel it in. He didn't let go of the rod until the last minute and fell back, landing awkwardly on his wrist. I was horrified but Liam said it didn't hurt all that much. Our aunt was livid about having to take him to the hospital. He wore a cast for a while, proudly but always teased me that I was the one to cause his first and only broken bone."
He told her a few more stories about Liam before falling silent for so long Emma wondered if he had fallen asleep. He inhaled a shaky breath and she lifted her head to look at him, finding his bright blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Emma felt her heart clench painfully.
"He was such a good man. He didn't deserve to die." Killian said, voice wavering and Emma felt the tears begin to form in her own eyes.
Emma sat up, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her forehead to his. "I know." She said softly.
His arms came around her squeezing tightly. "I just...miss him." It came out broken and raw and Emma felt the tears sliding down her face.
Killian turned, pressing his face into her shoulder, voice muffled. "I still go to call him sometimes. When I see a movie he'd like or on our mother's birthday. And then I remember and it's like it's happening all over again. He wasn't...he wasn't supposed to leave me alone. He's all I had." His voice broke, catching on a sob.
Emma's arms tightened around him, running her fingers up and down his back the same way he had done to her as she fumbled for the right words to say. "You're not alone." She found herself saying. "I'm here. I'm not leaving." Somewhere amidst the tears falling from her face and the shaky breaths he took against her shoulder, the truth had settled in.
He might be better adept at hiding it most times but he was just as broken as she was and there was something comforting about that. About not being alone. About having someone to share the good days with and someone to be there for the bad days.
Her mind flitted back to their their first meeting. The spark she felt when their fingers connected, the surprise she felt when he was so open with her. How he had slowly made his way into her life, by taking her home from work that one day to learning how to make hot chocolate the way she liked and waiting for her after her shift at the restaurant to surprise her with it. His words stuck with her that night, pointing out the obvious that she had learned to ignore. By not allowing anyone to get close to her, they couldn't hurt her, but they couldn't help her either.
She intended for him to just be someone else she knew in the small town, someone who would likely move on at the end of the season but he became more when he came to her first on his night at the restaurant, choosing not to surprise her. While he might not have understood how impressive it was, the look on Ruby's face when she offered to share her onion rings with Killian was priceless and maybe, just maybe he understood how much it meant to her when in a bold and unexpected move, she pressed her lips to his cheek in thanks.
He secured his spot as a friend in her eyes when he found her on the beach that night and further cemented it when he challenged her to beat him in skeeball. Sure it was juvenile, but Emma liked the competitive side of him. That night was the first night she allowed her brain to even entertain the idea of something more than friendship, finding herself liking the feeling of being in his arms as he waltzed her around his small kitchen. The way he made sure she was okay with Brinkley after learning about her fear of dogs, how much fun they had on their trip to Assateague and his slip about kissing her. How easily he forgave her for running away when her emotions became too much and learning to nearly anticipate it.
But the truth was, she wanted to be there for him. She wanted to do what he did for her, not because she felt as though she owed him a favor or needed to repay him in the same way. He needed her there and she was all too happy to be there. Being needed or even wanted, wasn't something that felt familiar to her, but she found herself liking, even craving the feeling all the same. She had told Killian her deepest secret, let him into her life and she didn't regret it. She wanted to tell him more, wanted him to know about her childhood and wanted to hear all the stories about his. She wanted him to be there when she was having a bad day to fold her in his arms and make her forget.
Emma wanted to be with Killian.