Love in the Time of Chaos
Summary: AU. [Post Faceless, Nameless] "Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." (Lao Tzu) A different take on the events of Season 5. Hotch/JJ pairing.
Rating: T
"Foyet's calling Hotch." Every member of the team in the speeding SUV turned their attention to the phone at Garcia's words.
"Garcia, can you get us on?" With just a few clicks of her mouse, the team and Garcia were patched in; Morgan sped a little faster in his attempt to get to their two missing team members. A collective intake of breath was held as the phone rang once before the click of the answer button was heard over the line.
Aaron was driving faster than a bat-out-of-hell, but he had to get to JJ. He had managed to refocus all his efforts on reaching her after Foyet hung up on him, and now he could only focusing on reaching JJ. He quickly glanced at the phone in his hand as it rang once, verifying the caller ID that flashed across the screen before immediately turning his attention back to the road as he rushed to JJ. "Foyet."
"Aaron."
Aaron froze at the sound of JJ's voice on the other end of the phone; there was no strength left inside of him. He broke the moment he heard his name on her lips, her tone dejected, apologetic, and terrified. He didn't want to scare her anymore than she currently was, but as he spoke her name, it came out as a sob. "JJ."
"You're ok?" Aaron could feel the strength JJ was hanging on to, knowing that she was fighting every fear she felt. He felt his own strength grow as he listened to her. Even though she was the one he was desperately fighting to protect, she still needed to know he was ok.
"I'm fine." JJ needed to stay strong, and Aaron confessing every fear and pain he had was not going to help her now. He had to stay strong, he had to get to her.
"I'm so sorry Aaron." Her voice cracked slightly at the apology and Aaron wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and make everything ok. He knew they both needed to stay as strong as they possibly could until he got there.
"JJ. Show him no weakness."
He could picture JJ nodding on the other end of the phone. "No fear. I know." There was a slight pause as the two lovers fought back against the pain that was enveloping them both. "Is Rick ok?"
Aaron didn't want to tell JJ that Marshall Erikson had died, but he knew couldn't lie to her. He just remained silent at her question, his heart clenching at the tiny, involuntary outcry that escaped from her.
Aaron's hand clenched the wheel tighter, his foot pushing harder on the gas as he heard Foyet's voice over the phone. "What, no words of comfort Aaron? No 'don't worry darlin', he's just fine.' The poor girl's upset; don't you want to make her feel better?"
The fear that Aaron wouldn't reach JJ in time began to eat away at him the instant he heard Foyet speak. The idea alone nearly killed him; Foyet held the love of Aaron's life in his hands, and because of that, he finally held complete and utter control over Aaron Hotchner.
"You know all you had to do was stop hunting me and she wouldn't be in this mess?"
Aaron heard the intake of breath he took and was amazed that it wasn't a sob. As much as it pained him to admit it, Foyet was right. If Aaron had taken the deal when Foyet had offered it to him, none of this would have happened. Foyet would never have gone after JJ, Aaron would never have been attacked, Jack and Haley would never have been sent away, all those victims would never have been killed. JJ was in this situation–this life or death situation–because of him and him alone.
Aaron's emotions were so completely overcharged that he would have definitely flipped his car if JJ's voice hadn't sounded over the receiver. "That's not true Aaron!"
Foyet's laugh brought him back to the brink of darkness. "Oh but it is, and dear Aaron knows that. If he had just made the deal-"
Foyet and JJ were yo-yoing Aaron back and forth between light and dark, strength and weakness, power and insanity. "Aaron, you know that isn't true."
"-then none of this would have ever happened."
"I know you know it isn't true!"
"Those people in Boston-"
"You're not the kind of man that could make that deal Aaron!"
"My attack against you-"
"You're too strong to make a deal with someone like him!"
"Sending Jacky boy and Haley away-"
"You're better than that deal Aaron!"
"And now poor little JJ-"
"You wouldn't be the man you are if you had made that deal!"
"None of this would've happened if you had just made the deal."
"You wouldn't be the man I love if you had made that deal Aaron!"
"And now poor JJ has to pay the price."
"Don't listen to him Aaron!"
"All because of you."
Aaron stood on the edge of despair, ready to plunge headfirst into the nothingness it offered. With JJ in Foyet's hands because of his own decisions and action, there was nothing to keep Aaron from falling into complete and total darkness.
"NONE of this is your fault Aaron."
The instant his name fell from her lips from across the phone, the instant JJ spoke those words with such ferocity, with such power and conviction, Aaron felt himself overcome with love. The love he held for JJ, and the love he was honored to receive from her, exploded inside of him and filled every crevice of his body, mind, heart, and soul.
"JJ I love you."
JJ sobbed at Aaron's admission. She was still terrified more than she had ever been in her life, but she was instantly filled with love for the man on the other end of the phone.
"You're so strong JJ, you're the strongest person I know. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my entire life. You're everything to me, you taught me how to be the man I am, the best I could ever hope to be. You're everything that's good and pure and beautiful in the world. God, JJ I love you so much more than you'll ever know. You're perfect and I love you. I love you. I love-"
Aaron could feel the tears pouring down his face, and judging from the sobs coming across the phone line, he knew tears were pouring down his love's face as well. "JJ I love you. I love you so much."
JJ sniffled and took a deep breath, composing herself enough to speak to the man she loved more than anything. "I love you Aaron."
Aaron's heart clenched at her words, knowing that for whatever reason, she absolutely meant it. God he was so close to her location, just a little bit further! "I love you. I'm sorry for everything."
JJ took another deep breath. "Aaron…promise me…you'll go out with the team after cases. You'll hug and play with and hold Jack every moment that you can. That you'll laugh with him every day."
More and more tears cascaded down his face. "JJ-"
"You need to remember that you're his superhero Aaron. Promise me that you will never let anything break you. The team needs a leader like you. The world needs a man like you. Jack needs a father like you. You are loved so much more than you realize Aaron." She took a deep breath, her voice cracking with emotion just like his had. "I want the world to have you; I want the world to see you like I see you. Don't ever lose who you are because you…are the best man I have ever known. And don't you ever forget how much I love you. Promise me Aaron."
Aaron paused, bracing himself. "I promise." He heard a gunshot as the phone fell to the ground, a second sometime after, followed immediately by a third. He clenched his eyes shut and threw the phone against the dashboard, trying to keep his broken heart intact long enough to turn the wheel all the way to the left, the car tires burning out with the intensity of the turn he was taking. He was right there, the house was right there! He threw the car in park as his feet touched the ground, his gun out and in his hands as he barreled through the door. "JJ!"
He narrowly missed the gunshot meant for him that came from the staircase before he aimed and fired himself, narrowly missing Foyet on the stairs. Foyet moved to run up the stairs, aimlessly firing shots at Aaron who was advancing towards him faster than Foyet could counter. Just as Foyet managed to reach the landing of the second floor Aaron tackled into him from behind, both of them losing their footing as they tumbled down the stairs together.
Aaron managed to get on his feet as Foyet got to his knees, quickly delivering a kick to Foyet's ribcage. He swiftly lifted Foyet to his feet, slamming him into a wall, punching him directly across his jaw before slamming his head once against the wall, then again against a glass picture frame hanging on the wall. He delivered a final punch to Foyet's face, sending the bastard straight to the ground before kneeling down to tower over the man bleeding on his floor.
Foyet's hands immediately went up in the air. "Ok! You…you got me. I surrender." The small smile on Foyet's face just added to Aaron's power as the fury overtook him. "I surren-" Aaron's fist powerfully connecting to Foyet's face effectively silenced the murderer at Aaron's hands.
Another punch delivered with more force than the previous one. Another with even more. Another with even more.
FLASH! The Reaper, his mask clearly in place, flashed before Aaron's eyes, only to be replaced with JJ's face.
Punch.
FLASH! The Reaper, his mask, Jack.
Punch.
FLASH! Foyet, no mask, knife in hand, in his apartment, delivering one of nine stabs to Aaron's body.
Aaron slammed Foyet's head against the wood floor.
FLASH! The Reaper, mask in place, one of his many victims, fear blatantly written all over his face.
Another slam against the floor.
FLASH! The Reaper preparing to attack, another victim suffering at his hands.
Another slam.
FLASH! Foyet, shirtless, in his apartment, holding the knife that cut into Aaron's body nine times.
Another slam.
FLASH! Foyet's face.
Another slam.
FLASH! Foyet, mask in place, The Reaper.
Another slam.
FLASH! Foyet, shirtless, in his apartment, holding the knife, followed by Aaron lying in the hospital after Foyet's attack.
Another slam.
FLASH! JJ's face.
Another slam. JJ's face. Another slam. JJ's face. Another slam. JJ's face.
Aaron continued to beat Foyet's head against the floor, an image of JJ flashing before his eyes at every hit.
Aaron didn't hear the team enter the room, nor did he register Morgan's arms grabbing him from behind, pulling him off of Foyet with an iron-tight grip. Morgan screamed at Aaron, telling him it was over, that Foyet was dead, but Aaron didn't listen to a single word. He immediately pushed away, forcing Morgan to the floor before rushing up the stairs, screaming on the way up. "JJ! JJ!"
His head whipped around before he spotted JJ to the left. He rushed over and immediately dropped to his knees, picking JJ's body up and holding her in his arms. His hand went straight for her face, quickly checking for a pulse in her neck, relief flooding through him as he felt a faint pulse underneath his fingertips. He could feel her body move as she took labored breaths, and he sobbed at the feel of her breathing in his arms.
Aaron screamed at the team as they made their way up the stairs, none of them moving nearly as quickly as Aaron had. Blood covered almost every inch of JJ's chest and the small bullet hole on the right side of her chest continued to bleed. "Get a medic!" He didn't look at a single member of his team before his attention returned fully to JJ's face.
"JJ, JJ look at me. Look at me JJ, it's Aaron. JJ, open your eyes and look at me. Come on baby, please open your eyes and look at me. JJ, come on honey, open your eyes and look at me."
Knowing that at least she was alive, Aaron held JJ tighter to him, whispering to her as he rubbed her cheek with his thumb. He looked at the beautiful woman in his arms, tears still falling from his eyes as he continued to speak to her; her eyes were closed and she hadn't made a sound, but Aaron couldn't stop talking to her. "I'm here JJ. I'm right here love. Please baby, open your eyes. JJ."
He glanced back at the bullet hole, thankful that while it appeared to be bad, there was a very strong chance it wasn't as bad as it could have been; they had to get her to a hospital, she had to be ok. "I love you. Stay with me JJ, you have to stay with me."
He heard the medics on the stairs but he couldn't take his eyes off JJ's face. He just kept whispering to her, rubbing her cheek and feeling her breath against him. "You're going to be fine love. Just stay with me."
Aaron held JJ until the medics got her situated on the stretcher. He held her hand the whole walk to the ambulance, sat at her side the whole ride, and was still holding her hand as she was wheeled into the hospital. Multiple doctors rushed over, their voices mixing with those of the medics as she was wheeled down the hallway. Aaron and the team were stopped by a nurse who told them they couldn't go any further, but it was the team that held Aaron back; he hadn't heard a word the nurse had said and he only stopped moving when he felt Dave and Morgan's hands on his arms, keeping him from going any further. He didn't stop staring at JJ, even as he tried to move forward. "Let go."
Dave put his other hand on Aaron's shoulder, trying to gently but firmly keep Aaron back so the doctors could do their jobs. "She's in good hands Aaron."
Aaron just kept staring ahead, his shoulders finally slumping as she was wheeled through the large double doors that led to the surgical rooms. Dave and Morgan led Aaron over to the plastic chairs and managed to get him to sit before he collapsed. The rest of the team collected themselves around him, each one of them showing their own form of grief over what had happened to their beloved media liaison.
Garcia was openly weeping on Prentiss's shoulders as the raven-haired profiler stroked her arm, tears falling down her own face that was resting against the technical analyst's head. Reid was sitting a chair away, tears clouding his vision as he stared helplessly from one team member to the next, almost as though he was searching for JJ amongst the crowd of BAU agents. Morgan moved to sit next to him, dried tear marks still on his face as he reached over, squeezing Reid's knee before leaving his hand on the youngest profiler's leg. Reid looked at the man sitting next to him, a new onslaught of tears falling from his eyes as he lowered his gaze to stare at his hands resting in his lap while Morgan returned his attention to the opposite side of the room. Rossi sat directly across from him, his full attention focused on the man sitting next to him. He knew better than to try to offer a comforting word or touch; as always, there was only one person who could bring the unit chief back from the insanity he was currently plunged into, and that woman was currently fighting for her life.
Aaron leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees and his hands clenched tightly before him. He was staring at absolutely nothing, almost as though nothing in the real world was worth his attention. His mind, heart, and soul were fully occupied with the blonde woman behind the double doors. There was simply nothing else left in the world beside her.
There was no movement between the team of BAU agents other than the occasional whimper, deep intake of breath, or small outcry for their injured friend. Aaron was the only one to not make a single noise in the hours they all sat there, impatiently waiting any information on JJ.
Aaron was the first one out of his seat when the doctor walked through the double doors, his tired eyes instantly locking with Aaron's; just as the nurse had done with JJ all those months ago, the doctor knew from one look that the information he was about to give was more important to Aaron than to anyone else in the room. "Miss Jareau was very severely injured. She received a gunshot wound straight through her upper thigh, as well as a gunshot to her upper chest. We managed to remove the bullet, but it's too soon to tell right now. She lost a lot of blood and had a lot of internal damage from the gunshot wound she received in her chest. We patched her leg up and did the best we could with her chest wound. She's stable right now, but it's still touch and go. We'll keep her under intense watch and do what we can, but that's the best we can do as of right now."
Garcia openly sobbed and buried herself deeper in Prentiss's shoulder, the two girls holding each other tightly as Reid and Morgan both lost their composure and turned away. Rossi was aching on the inside but tried to hold it in for Aaron, who just stared at the doctor as though he would kill the man if he had the energy. "But she's alive?"
The doctor nodded. "Yes, she's hanging on. There's a-"
The doctor whipped around as a nurse came barreling through the double doors, her eyes instantly locking with the doctor's. "She's coding!"
The doctor turned and ran through the doors without another look back at the distraught agents. The entire team lost themselves in despair, knowing without it needing to be said that the 'she' was JJ; they all sat themselves down, tears falling from all of their eyes at the knowledge that there was a very real possibility that JJ simply wasn't strong enough to survive this one.
Aaron stood rooted in his spot, his eyes void of all emotion. There was simply nothing left.
Author's Note: Wow, this was really hard to write. 100 was the episode that starting my love of Criminal Minds and it was surprisingly difficult to alter it (which is why I kept it as close to the true episode if I could). I hope this lived up to everyone's expectations-even if it didn't have a happy ending. The story's not over, there's still a few chapters to wrap everything up, so try not to despair! Thanks as always for reading, and if you feel so inclined, please let me know how I did!