Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Rating: This chapter
Full Circle - Beth's Story
Chapter 25
*2008*
*Beth's dream*
Like struggling up from the depths of a deep ocean, my consciousness fights back to awareness. Piece by piece, limb by limb, I slowly start to feel my body. I seem to be in a half sitting position. Something rough and hard is against my back, supporting me. I try to move, but I seem to have forgotten how. It's so hot here... the acrid smell of smoke is assailing my nostrils, and I feel I ought to be attempting to get away, but my body feels unresponsive, like lead. It's all I can do just to open my eyes.
When I do, it's bright. Dazzlingly so. I have to squint against the blinding sun, burning white hot, up in the cloudless blue sky. I think I must be in the desert because all I can make out through the shimmering heat haze is mile upon mile of sand and a few small scrubby trees in the distance. Everywhere around me is dry, and barren, and empty, and lifeless. I can almost taste the heat in the air. The only thing stirring is the gentle breeze as it rustles the canopy above my head.
I realise I'm sitting propped against the trunk of a tall tree, cradled somehow by its large roots at the base. How did I get here? Nothing makes sense. I struggle to remember, but my thoughts seem wooly and confused, paralysed like my limbs. My mouth feels parched and I run my dry tongue over the cracked skin of my lips. I'm thirsty beyond belief...
Movement far away catches my eye and my attention is drawn to a shape moving steadily across the dry, brittle sand. It's too far away to see it's shape clearly but it appears to undulate, gently swaying from side to side as it moves. My gaze is transfixed on this one sign of life in the parched, empty sea of sand, and I watch it's progress towards me with hungry eyes.
As it draws nearer I see that it's a snake. It's tongue is flicking in and out. A lightning fast movement as it tastes the air around it. Ever nearer it draws, but I'm not afraid. An idea has taken shape in my mind, and I'm watching it. Waiting for it to get close enough. Within that muscular body I can almost taste the life essence flowing through it's veins, like a cool summer brook on a boiling hot summer's day. Soon... very soon it will be near enough...
Suddenly I remember I can't move. Panic sets in as I realise it's going to pass me by and there's nothing, absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Unexpectedly a drop of liquid hits my cracked, dry lips from above, and my tongue snakes out to lap it instantly from my skin. It tastes so unbelievably clean and cool and refreshing. My head snaps back to stare up into the upper branches of the tree, searching for the source of this nectar from heaven. Way up high, sparkling in the sunlight, I see another clear, pear shaped, droplet, attached to the underside of a beautiful green leaf. It's bulging, elongating, quivering in the balance. Surely it must spill onto my parched, waiting lips at any moment. I dart out my tongue and open my mouth in eager anticipation, the desperate need to catch that life giving droplet my one and only focus.
I watch transfixed, as the bead of liquid finally separates from the leaf, slowly oscillating through the desiccated air. The thrill of the moment as it finally lands on my waiting tongue feels nothing less than euphoric, and I savour the sweet, wet, globule, pressing it to the roof if my mouth to taste it's coppery tang, before swallowing it down.
Abruptly, from the corner of my vision, my eye catches the movement of the snake as it slithers by close to my side. Before the thought has even fully formed in my consciousness my hand has shot out and grasped the muscular writhing body body in a grip of iron. Surprisingly the snake doesn't attempt to struggle in my grasp, and I use my other hand to lift it's heavy form, eagerly bringing it to my mouth to drink.
My teeth slice through it's thick flesh like a knife through butter, and almost instantaneously I feel it's warm, fresh, blood gushing into my scorched mouth like sweet, cool, ambrosia. I swallow it down like my very life depends on it. Mouthful after sweet mouthful slides down my throat like molten honey, and the more I drink the stronger I begin to feel.
The snake begins to struggle in my grasp and I'm surprised to find it still alive. Reflexively, my fingers tighten around it's cylindrical body, my mouth intent upon drawing it's life force from it's body before it can attempt to get away again.
"Enough!"
The cry sounds distant, as though from another world, not this dry, barren desert.
Even as the snake begins again to fight in earnest, it's unable to shake my clinging teeth from it's mangled flesh and I'm crushing it's wildly thrashing body with my hands as I greedily attempt to suck every last drop from it's squirming form.
"ENOUGH!"
Louder this time, the voice demands my immediate compliance, and I instantly let go my hold. I can feel the fine hairs on the snake's skin as it slips from my fingers, and I think how strange... The desert seems to be dissolving before my eyes, and, as my hands fall to my sides they alight not upon hot sand, but cool, fine blades of verdure, soft and supple between my fingertips, and I realise I'm laying, not on sand, but on grass.
As a new reality gradually coalesces around me I see that it's now nighttime. A figure is looming over me in the darkness. I can't see their face clearly as it's thrown into shadow by a bright halo of fire. Orange flames licking blazingly upward to illuminate the night sky. For a brief moment they hold me transfixed in their eerie brilliance, as I watch them dance and flicker. Then the memories of the evening's events come flooding back, and as full awareness finally returns, I take a deep breath and scream...
.
…..
.
I woke up with a start, to find myself laying on my side, cradled snugly against the body spooned in behind me. Mick's arm was around me, holding me loosely from behind, and in the dimness I drew it more tightly around me, lacing my fingers through his and snuggling gratefully down into his embrace. Relief flooded over me as I realised I'd been dreaming. It had all seemed so real. I closed my eyes and thanked God it was just a nightmare.
My sense of peace lasted only a brief few seconds. Something didn't feel right. Opening my eyes, I looked down at the arm clasped to my chest, and, with alarm, registered the charred and ragged suit sleeve. Tattered remnants of white shirt showed below the sleeve, and a pair of gold cuff links that I was sure I couldn't remember Mick wearing the night before. With growing apprehension it dawned on me that I was in bed still wearing my dress from the previous evening. Then, for the first time looking properly at the hand I was holding, I knew instantly that this was not Mick.
"Beth?" Josef's soft voice came from just behind me.
At the sound of his voice, adrenalin flooded my system in an instant, and all of my senses were suddenly on high alert. An awful sense of sick horror began to creep over me as I lay there, frozen stiff, still clutching Josef's hand to my chest. My eyes started to take in my surroundings, and I saw that we were laying inside what appeared to be an enclosed bed. My head was on a pillow and there was a soft mattress beneath me, but to the sides and above me was what looked like frosted Perspex or glass. Tiny ice crystals frosted the inside and I reached out my hand to scratch a line in the thin covering of ice with my fingernail. Definitely a freezer. Please no...
"Beth? Are you okay?" Came Josef's voice again, this time a little louder.
I couldn't seem to speak. My mind was too busy digesting information and trying very hard to reject the conclusion it was reaching. Please let me still be dreaming... I didn't care if it was a nightmare, as long as it wasn't real...
Panic started to overwhelm me. Please no... please no... please no... This couldn't be happening could it? "Oh my God... " I whispered.
I felt Josef move behind me as he propped himself up on one elbow, detaching his hand gently from mine and moving it to my shoulder to urge me to turn over.
I refused to move. If I turned over and saw Josef, that would make this real. I didn't want it to be real. This could not possibly be real. I stubbornly resisted his gentle coaxing and stared straight ahead, hoping against hope that at any moment I would wake up from this awful nightmare and find myself snuggled under a warm duvet with Mick.
"Do you know what happened Beth?" He asked softly, his hand gently stroking my arm like he was soothing a frightened puppy.
I blinked rapidly and pinched my arm. It hurt. Oh my God... this wasn't a dream? It was really happening? Memories of the night before came flooding to the surface, hitting me like a slap in the face. Did I know what had happened? I wasn't sure if he was talking about the shooting in the bathroom or what had taken place after. I wasn't really totally clear about last night's events, but one thing I remembered with certainty was that I had been shot. And I hadn't woken up in a hospital ward. I'd woken up here. With Josef. And I felt... absolutely fine.
No..I amended that. Not fine. Sick... terrified... in shock. There was only one reason I could think of why I should be waking up in a freezer with Josef. Did I feel like a vampire? Was I a vampire? I had absolutely no idea.
"Beth?" Came Josef's worried voice.
"I thought I was dreaming..." I still wasn't completely sure I wasn't.
"But you know what happened?" He repeated gently.
"Yes..." I managed, my voice catching in my throat. "Yes... I think I know what happened."
Finally saying the words seemed to release me from my paralysis, and I slowly turned over to face Josef.
He looked absolutely wretched. Deep lines were etched between his brows and his soft brown eyes, normally sparkling with warmth and humour, looked sunken, tired, and empty. His hair, in comparison to the usual groomed perfection, was in disarray and caked with dirt and dust, his face smeared with smudges of soot. His expensive designer suit looked like it had been dragged through a hedge backwards. What on earth had happened?
"Am I...?" I couldn't seem to bring myself to say the actual word. My voice cracked "... am I...?"
"A vampire?" Josef finished for me. He held my gaze almost apologetically for a few seconds before replying. "Yes... " He looked like he was fighting not to cry and it was scaring the hell out of me. "I'm so sorry Beth.."
Sorry? So sorry for what? Instantly my thoughts turned to Mick. What had happened last night and why wasn't he here with me? If it were possible to feel any worse, then I instantly did.
"Josef... " I asked, my voice trembling. "...is Mick here? What happened last night?"
He didn't answer me straight away, just looked at me, his warm brown eyes shiny with unshed tears, struggling to maintain his composure. The seconds ticked by, and as I stared back at Josef's anguished face, a knot of despair was tightening in my stomach.
"Josef... please... where's Mick?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.
"I don't know Beth.." He shook his head, his voice cracking, "I really don't know..."
Don't know? "What do you mean you don't know?" I asked. "How can you not know ... ?" My question came out more harshly than intended, and I saw him flinch slightly in response.
"Beth, I ..."
Whatever else he'd been about to say was cut off abruptly as an overwhelming urge to throw up came on me as though out of nowhere. "Jos...!" I clapped a hand over my mouth, trying to sit up and banging my hand frantically on the lid still enclosing us. To my shock and surprise the glass lid cracked and my hand punched a hole straight through.
Josef grabbed my arm and pulled it back, at the same time reaching over and flicking a switch that released the lid.
"Jos...ef!" Beginning to retch, I shot him a panicked glare. "Bath...ugh...room...NOW!" Please don't let me throw up all over him.
I practically threw myself over the edge of the bed, looking around frantically for a door that looked like a bathroom. Running towards the first door I saw, I was pulled back with a jolt as Josef grabbed my hand and steered me quickly towards the other end of the room.
"Much as I'm sure you'd love to vomit all over my best Armani suits, the bathroom is over here." He said, propelling me through the door in the direction of the toilet. I practically fell to my knees and threw my head into the porcelain bowl, my stomach heaving as I brought up what felt like it's entire contents in a series of body wracking ejections.
Clinging weakly to the seat, I stared into the bowl, waiting for the next wave of sickness. "Is this supposed to be happening?" I asked feebly.
Josef came to stand beside me, gathering my hair into a loose ponytail to keep it out of the way. With a wry sense of amusement it reminded my of my best friend doing the exact same thing the first time I drank wine after the school prom.
"It's just your body's way of getting rid of what it can't now absorb." He stroked my hair back soothingly. "I vaguely remember the same thing happening to me."
"Oh God..." I breathed, heaving as another bout of sickness overwhelmed me.
At last it seemed there was nothing left in my stomach to come back up and I sat back weakly, wiping a shaking hand over my mouth as Josef pushed the flush and helped me to my feet.
"This isn't what I'd expected being a vampire to feel like." I said, making my way over to the basin to rinse my mouth.
"It gets better. I promise." Josef handed me a towel as I looked up into the mirror.
To say that my appearance shocked me was an understatement. My skin looked white as a sheet. Last night's make up stood out starkly against the sickly pale background, the remains of the fuchsia lipstick now smeared like an ugly pink gash across my mouth. My hair was matted with dried blood on one side, and my once beautiful dress was tattered and torn, a large brown stain covering the whole front of the bodice where the bullet must have entered. I had a sudden flashback of Mick telling me how amazing I had looked last night. How quickly things change...
"Josef.." My eyes met his in the mirror. ".. what did you mean when you said you didn't know where Mick was? He's not..." I paused, not even wanting to think what I was imagining, let alone say the words out loud, "...he's not..." I choked over the last word. "..he's not...dea..."
"No." Josef interjected before I could finish. "I don't think so Beth, but I can't be certain." The look of sorrow written all over his face didn't help convince me. "It was total chaos last night after the bomb went off.."
"Bomb?!" I interrupted him, fear beginning to clench a knot in my stomach. "What bomb? What happened?" I was staring to feel sick with fear.
Josef moved towards me to take my hands. "I'll tell you everything I know Beth, but first let's get you cleaned up.."
"No!" I snatched my hands away from his. "You have to tell me now Josef! Mick was human ... he couldn't have... oh my God..." My mind was racing like lightning thinking of all the possible reasons he wasn't here with me right now. Mick would never have left me alone unless something dreadful had happened to him. He was my guardian angel.
"Beth..." Josef began again.
Before he could get another word out a sharp pain ripped through my stomach and I doubled over in agony. Beginning to realise that my body was about to go through another, more embarrassing round of expelling it's contents, I practically screamed at him. "Josef...GET OUT!"
When he didn't move, I physically pushed him backwards towards the door. "I need some privacy. NOW!"
He took the hint and swiftly exited, closing the door behind him on his way out. "I'll be right outside if you need me."
...
Ten minutes later, my humiliation complete, I opened the door feeling for all the world like an empty shell of skin and bone. I'd always imagined that being a vampire would feel powerful, strong and vital, but all I felt was weak, embarrassed and pathetic.
Josef was sitting on the edge of the bed, bent forward, cradling his head in his hands. He looked up as I came out of the bathroom.
"Feeling better?"
"I think so..." I replied, not at all sure that I was. "Is it normal to feel this awful when you've just been turned?" I sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, grateful to take the weight off my wobbly legs.
"Sorry..." He glanced at my apologetically. "I should have warned you, but my memory's a little hazy after four hundred years.."
"It's okay.." I glanced at the pile of shattered glass to the side of the bed. "I'm sorry I broke your bed."
Josef snorted. "Now there's a sentence I never in a million years expected to hear from your lips..."
Our eyes met, and despite the awful situation I couldn't help but laugh. It was either that or cry. But as I looked at Josef, sitting there looking every bit as miserable as I felt, my face started to crumple, the laughter turned into tears, and soon I was bawling like a baby.
Josef scooted over and put his arms around me, and I buried my head against his shoulder and cried my heart out until there were no more tears left to cry.
"I'm sorry..." I blubbered.
"What for?" He stroked my hair. "You didn't ask for this."
I sat up and wiped the tears from my face. "For being so pathetic." Although even as I said the words I knew that wasn't really what I meant. Sorry for asking you to 'handle' Dean Foster... sorry for putting you in a situation where you were forced to save me. Sorry for being so selfish...
"Strong-willed... stubborn... obstinate maybe?" He smiled. "Never pathetic."
"Josef, what happened last night?" I asked, the need to know taking precedence over everything else.
He let go of me, and put his head in his hands once more, running his fingers anxiously through his ash covered hair, before finally looking up at me, a pained expression on his face. "It was awful Beth..." He cleared his throat, obviously having difficulty speaking, "... one minute the party was in full swing, people were dancing and enjoying themselves, the next there was an explosion and all hell let loose." He looked down and paused.
Just when I thought he wasn't going to continue, he looked up, staring into the distance as though he was seeing the events of last night as they took place. "There was a deafening bang... what felt like an earthquake... then one of the columns collapsed. The whole room was suddenly filled with smoke, dust and flames. It was total confusion. People started running in all directions, screaming... "
"Was anyone killed?" I was imagining that beautiful Roman hall, destroyed and in chaos.
"Um... " His voice was hoarse as he struggled over his words. He looked away for a moment, then turned back to me. "Um... I think maybe two or three people died..." He swallowed. "... most managed to get out... lots of injuries though."
"What about Mick?" I held my breath.
"He was over by the orchestra when it happened... he was talking to one of the trumpet players... " Josef glanced up at me, "...I think he'd gone to request a song..." His voice trailed off.
I didn't want to ask my next question, but I had to know. "And afterwards... ?"
He cleared his throat again. "I ... I saw him fall.." He blinked rapidly, holding back tears that were springing to his eyes. "But... um... but when I finally got to where I'd seen him last, he wasn't there..."
"He wasn't there?" I repeated stupidly, hope starting to rise up in me.
Josef visibly gathered himself and sat up straight. "No. He was just... gone..." He turned sad eyes to me, "... and I've not seen him since."
"Who on earth would plant a bomb at a birthday party?" The instant I asked the question I realised I quite possibly knew the answer.
"I can only guess that it has something to do with this whole 'Hemera' situation?" He looked at me pointedly. "Do you know who shot you?"
I paused, feeling sick inside. "It was Dean Foster's girlfriend." My voice was barely above a whisper.
At my words, Josef looked like he'd just taken a punch in the gut. He gasped audibly and closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them again, they were shuttered, his expression blank.
"Josef?"
He didn't answer, but instead rose up and began to pace the floor purposely. I could almost see his mind working as he strode back and forth repeatedly across the carpet.
"Josef?!" His lack of response was beginning to worry me. "What are you thinking?"
He glanced at me, continuing to pace, clearly deep in thought. "It's all beginning to make sense now... but where's the connection with the D.A.'s office?"
I realised I'd never had a chance to tell him. "She worked there. I didn't even recognise her until she told me.."
"Did you get her name?" Josef fired back at me.
"Amy..." I frowned, trying to remember, "I'm sorry.. I don't think I got her last name."
"Beth.." Josef was anxiously fishing about in his pockets as he spoke, "... damn! Where is my cell phone?" He looked at me apologetically. "I need to make a phone call. Will you be all right on your own for a few minutes?"
I nodded, grateful for the chance to be alone with my thoughts for a while.
"Stay here. I'll be right back." He promised.
As soon as the door was shut I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. I thought back to the moment in the hotel bathroom just before I'd been shot, and realised that the sensation I'd felt of the floor shaking beneath me must have been the moment the bomb went off. I thought of Mick in the main hall and tried not to imagine him being crushed beneath the falling pillar. Had Amy been responsible for that too? I didn't want to think about it. It made me feel sick to the core to think I may have been the cause of Mick's ... I couldn't even think the word. He had to be alive! Surely Josef would have found him if he'd been injured or killed?
I covered my face with my hands and rolled over face down on the bed. I wanted out of this nightmare. I wanted to turn back the clock and start again, undo the wrongs and erase the consequences in the process. Why hadn't I just told Mick about Dean Foster? Why had I been so selfish? If it turned out that my actions had resulted in Mick, and anyone else, getting hurt or killed, how was I ever going to live with the guilt? Please let him be alive. Please.
I don't know how long I lay there, feeling sorry for myself and wishing I could will myself into oblivion, until a sharp knock on the door brought me back to reality with a jolt.
"Beth?" It was Josef's voice. "Is it okay to come in?"
I rolled over and quickly swung my legs over the side, not wanting him to see me in the state I was in. Wiping my eyes and straightening my dress, I called out, trying to keep my voice normal. "Come in Josef."
He opened the door slowly, popping his head around the door before stepping inside. Taking a seat on the bed next to me, he got straight to the point. "I've got people on it." He looked at me with steely determination in his eyes. "If she wants a war, she's got one."
It was on the tip of my tongue to beg him not to do anything rash. I didn't want any more blood on our hands. Dean Foster may have started it with the blackmail, but he certainly hadn't deserved to die, and I almost felt deserving of the revenge Amy had served upon me. But seeing the look in Josef's eyes, I knew this wasn't my decision to make. Josef would fight tooth and nail to preserve the secrecy of vampire society, and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop him.
I lowered my eyes and stared into my lap, my thoughts turning back to Mick. "Josef, you said you didn't think Mick was..." I still couldn't bring myself to say the word. "What makes you think that?" I asked, raising my eyes to his hopefully.
He considered for a moment. "I don't really know...but ever since I re-turned Mick, there's been a connection of sorts. I can't really explain it and I've no idea whether he felt it too... if he did he never spoke of it...but I think I'd know if ..." He paused, clearly not wanting to say the words either. "... if something had... 'happened' to him."
It wasn't much, but even a feeling was better than nothing, and I clutched onto Josef's words desperately.
"We need to find him." I said, standing up.
" 'We' don't need to do anything Beth." Josef shot me a warning look. "If you think I'm letting you loose in the outside world before you've learned how to control yourself, think again."
"But..."
Josef interrupted me. "I will do whatever I can to find out what happened to him. You will stay here until I say you can leave."
Taken aback by Josef's commanding tone of voice, my hackles went up instantly. "Who do you think you are, telling me what I can and can't do?!"
He stood up, his eyes boring into mine, and I could almost feel the energy bristling from him as he spoke. "Your Sire Beth." He paused for a second to let the words sink in. "Your Sire is who I am. And, as such, it's my responsibility to make sure you don't go on a rampage and start slaughtering every human in sight. You will do as I say until such time as I'm convinced you can control yourself. Then, and only then, will you be allowed your freedom. Now sit down!"
Stunned at his words I sat back down immediately, wanting to defy him but somehow feeling compelled to comply.
I glared up at him defiantly and his look in return was challenging me to disobey. When I didn't move, he sat back down next to me and we sat in silence for a few moments digesting what had just happened.
"Is this how it's going to be then?" I asked, staring at the floor angrily. "You giving the orders and me obeying?"
"Beth..." He reached his hand towards my face and I shook it off furiously, continuing to glare stubbornly at the carpet. "It doesn't have to be like anything... it's whatever we make it. But you must understand I can't just let you loose until you've learned to control yourself."
He was right. I knew he was right. But how could I just do nothing knowing that Mick could be hurt... or worse? My anger dissipated as quickly as it had flared up.
"But I don't feel anything... should I? I don't know what I'm supposed to feel like." I could feel tears starting to threaten again, and tried to blink them away. "Should I be hungry for blood? I don't feel any different."
"Beth..." He reached for my hand, squeezing it reassuringly, and this time I didn't pull away. "It's going to be okay. One thing at a time.. I can assure that that once the bloodlust kicks in, you'll know all about it. It doesn't happen straight away, but it will happen, and I don't want you to be on your own when it does."
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
"Why don't you go get yourself cleaned up?" He suggested, indicating the ensuite. "There's a clean bathrobe in there and I'll find you some fresh clothes to wear when you're finished." He looked me up and down appraisingly. "Size six?"
I gave him a small smile, aware he was attempting to flatter me. "Eight please."
"Eight it is." He stood up and walked over to the nightstand, opening the cupboard to reveal a small refrigerator, and taking out a flask and glass. Setting them down on the top he turned to me meaningfully. "If you get thirsty before I get back, you know where it is."
Warily, I looked at the flask, easily able to imagine it's contents, but not over eager to have my suspicions confirmed anytime soon.
He made towards the door. "I'll be back shortly." He looked at me pointedly, "Please do as I asked and don't try to take off."
I gave an almost imperceptible nod, and he turned to leave.
"Josef..."
He stopped with his hand on the door knob and turned back to face me.
"Thank you."
He smiled. "You're welcome."
...
When I finally emerged from the bathroom, clean and refreshed, wrapped in an oversize fluffy white bathrobe, Josef was just finishing changing the bed sheets.
"Don't you have 'people' to do that?" I asked, surprised at the sight of Josef carrying out a domestic task.
He eyed me speculatively. "No-one that I'd be willing to sacrifice to a newly turned vampire, no."
I started in surprise. Did he really think me capable of that? I felt odd... different... but I certainly didn't feel like I was about to attack anyone.
"Besides, it's nearly eight o'clock in the evening and even I don't force my staff to work that late.."
"Eight o'clock? In the evening?" I'd thought it was more like eight in the morning. I went over to the heavy drapes at the window, and pushed them aside, looking, in surprise, out into the shadowed darkness of the grounds outside.
"I slept for a whole day?"
"More or less..." He shrugged. "You were out like a light once you'd sucked me dry.."
"Oh my God...! I sucked you dry?" I was aghast.
"Well... not quite, but you had a pretty good appetite." He smiled.
I thought about my dream and the writhing, struggling snake I'd crushed without a thought, in my overwhelming need for it's lifeblood. I looked at him apologetically. "I'm so sorry Josef..."
"It's okay... at least I knew it worked this time." He regarded me sadly.
Oh my God... I'd not thought of Sarah. Josef must have felt sick that I'd come through while his beloved Sarah was still stuck in limbo somewhere between the two worlds.
"What exactly happened last night Josef? How did you find me?" I frowned, trying to recall the events after I'd been shot. "It was you who found me wasn't it?"
"Yes, it was me." He paused, smoothing a pillowcase before throwing it onto the bed. "I'd been looking for Mick... " He paused, a pained expression on his face, "...I hadn't been able to find him... The place was on fire by that time. I was in the corridor, heading outside, when suddenly I caught the scent of your blood."
"My blood?" I was confused. "How did you know it was me?"
"Your foot? Remember?"
Of course, how could I forget that weird moment? I think my brain had tried its best. "Oh... of course.."
"A vampire never forgets the scent of blood they've tasted. Especially not one as rare and delicious as yours."
"My blood was delicious?" Mick had never mentioned that it was any better than any other person's.
"It was." He confirmed.
"I remember feeling like I wasn't in my body any more..." With a shiver, I remembered the out of body sensation I'd experienced, laying on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, "... then the pain when you picked me up... it was unbearable..."
"You were literally a hair's breadth away from death Beth... if I'd been any later I really don't think you'd have made it."
"So what happened next?" I had a morbid fascination to know all the gory details.
"Well... I carried you outside into the grounds, and headed though the orchards to a spot where we couldn't be seen. It only took seconds at the speed I was going." He paused, smoothing down the coverlet and coming over to stand with me at the window. "I laid you down against the base of a large oak tree... there was no need to drain you... you'd lost so much blood already...and...well... I guess you can work the rest out for yourself?"
"I remember bits of it..." I thought back to the vivid dream. I must have been barely conscious at the time... everything had seemed so totally unreal. Or was it just my subconscious trying to make sense of what had happened? "...at least I think I do? I remember opening my eyes right at the end and seeing flames leaping into the sky."
"That's right.." Josef confirmed. "...the hotel annexe was on fire by then.."
"I don't remember anything after that until I woke up here though?" I frowned, trying to dredge up any recollection of those events.
"You started screaming your head off once you realised what had happened, so basically I had to knock you out to keep you quiet." He looked somewhat apologetic.
"Oh..." I wasn't sure quite how to respond to that.
"After that I drove us back here and got you settled in the freezer. You were out like a light."
"What about Simone?" I realised I'd not even asked how she was.
Josef looked down and for barely an instant I felt an emotion so strong I nearly stumbled, then, as suddenly as it came, it was gone. The silence in the room was deafening. A horrible sense of foreboding began to creep over me. Please don't tell me something happened to Simone... I couldn't bear it if something had happened to her as well. Long seconds ticked by as the chill fear inside me grew, then finally he raised his eyes to look at me and I almost flinched from the agony they reflected. Grief and anguish was written all over his face. He looked completely heartbroken, lost and alone, and I felt my stomach drop to the floor.
"She...she didn't make it Beth." His face crumpled.
For a moment I just stood there, his words sinking in. She didn't make it.
"Why... why didn't you tell me Josef?" My voice was shaking.
He looked shell shocked standing there. Still wearing the dust covered, ripped suit, he could have just walked straight out of a war zone.
"I thought you had enough to deal with... I didn't want to make it any worse."
I moved towards him but he took a step back. "Sorry Beth... I think I need to be on my own for a while."
He backed away, looking uncertain. "I won't leave you on your own for long... I just need a little time to..."
I nodded dumbly, at the same time reeling from the news of Simone's death, and appalled that he'd felt the need to keep it from me.
He turned around and walked slowly to the door. "I'll...um... I'll... be back..." He shook his head and left without another word.
With that he closed the door and I was alone.
...
For a long time, I simply stood where I was, my mind in shock over the devastating news of Simone's death. I couldn't believe that Josef had kept it from me all this time. He must have been feeling terrible, and all I'd done was barrage him with questions about Mick. Pulling back the drapes I rested my head against the cool window pane and stared unseeingly out into the night. This was all my fault. The bomb going off at the party. Simone's death. Mick's disappearance. Josef having to turn me. Not to mention that he was now saddled with the responsibility of a newly turned vampire, while at the same time having to deal with the death of the woman he loved. I closed my eyes, feeling tears start to burn behind my eyelids, then cursed myself for my own self pity when I'd been the cause of it all. I would not cry. I didn't deserve to cry.
I thought of Mick, hoping against hope that he was okay. Not knowing what had happened to him was driving me crazy, but I had to cling on to the meagre bit of hope that Josef's 'feeling' was right. But even if it was, what would Mick think of me when he found out what I'd done? Would he even want to be with me? I didn't think so. It would have been better if Josef had just left me to die. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this awful guilt that was eating me up.
The tears I'd been trying so hard to hold back began rolling down my face. I couldn't even be bothered to wipe them away, and they dripped from chin unchecked. I gave myself up to the overwhelming grief of it all and cried my heart out, my hands spread out against the windowpane, clutching desperately at the empty air.
I've no idea how long I stood there. Long after my tears had finally dried into salty tracks on my face, my mind had drifted off into a state of shutdown. Just a numb nothingness like everything had simply stopped.
A voice at my shoulder startled me back into the real world. I'd not even heard him enter.
"Beth... are you okay?" Josef sounded concerned.
I turned to him slowly. No... I was definitely not okay. I couldn't seem to shake of the paralysing stupor that had settled over me. Maybe I didn't want to... Not thinking was good... I simply stared at him dumbly, still lost in a world of my own.
"Beth?"
He touched my shoulder and the contact seemed to break me out of my reverie. "I'm okay Josef." I answered woodenly.
"Liar." He said.
There was a pause as we just looked at each other for a moment.
"I"m so sorry..." I started.
He held a hand up, cutting me off. "Beth... can we not talk about it please.."
"But..."
"Beth... PLEASE!"
He looked distraught, and immediately I dropped back into silence, withdrawing into myself, not knowing what to say or do.
"Beth... " his tone was softer this time. "... can we just concentrate on teaching you what you need to know to be able to control yourself... then we can start to get to the bottom of whatever the hell is going on.." He looked at me pleadingly.
I nodded. "Okay."
"Okay." He looked relieved.
He looked much better than he'd been earlier. He'd showered and changed, his hair still slightly damp, and I caught the fresh, woody scent of his cologne as he walked past me to the night stand, where he retrieved the untouched flask of blood and glass he'd taken out of the cupboard earlier. Heading for the window seat and sitting down, he gestured for me to join him.
I eyed the flask warily, wondering if he was going to force me to drink it. I really didn't want to. In fact I wasn't feeling hungry at all. Just empty. Maybe there was something wrong with me? Was I supposed to be craving blood by now?
"Beth.." He patted the seat beside him. "...there's nothing wrong with you.."
This wasn't how it was supposed to be though. I didn't want to be a vampire if Mick wasn't one with me. What was the point without him?
"I'm sure Mick will turn up soon.."
My eyes met Josef's sadly. He might... but even if he was okay, was he even going to want to speak to me when he found out what I'd done?
"Are you worried about him finding out about Dean Foster?" Josef fixed me with a questioning look.
Had I spoken the words out loud? I might have been mistaken, but I didn't think I had.
"Are you reading my mind Josef?!" It was like he was answering my unasked questions. Was there some kind of Sire/Turnee link that allowed him to read my thoughts? I hoped to God there wasn't.
Josef did a double-take, frowned, then shook his head. "Beth.. I can assure you, I cannot read your mind."
I buried my face in my hands. Was I going mad? I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be a vampire. Just the thought of having to drink someone's blood made me feel sick.
"I won't make you drink it unless you want to." He assured me.
"You're doing it again...! "
"Doing what?" He looked genuinely unaware.
"Answering my thoughts..."
"I'm not..." He shook his head, as if to clear it. "Look... I know you might not think you want it, but you do need to feed, and the sooner you start the better." He looked at me meaningfully, "and the sooner you'll be able to get back into the outside world again."
"Okay..." I looked at him dubiously as I sat down beside him on the couch, "... but aren't I supposed to want to drink it?"
"Trust me," he said, uncapping the flask and pouring a generous amount into the frosted glass, "I think you may find you want to..."
I'd started to recoil at the unwelcome idea of drinking someone else's blood when the sudden sharp aroma hit me and I stopped in my tracks.
The mouth-watering scent assailed my senses, and I felt a sudden sharp hunger begin to tug at my belly.
Taken totally aback, I had the first inkling of the effect that the smell of human blood could yield over a vampire. The only thing I could liken it to was the smell that vinegar evoked when I had shaken it over battered fish. Saliva began pooling in my mouth and before I knew what was happening, I let out a throaty growl, realising too late as I felt two sharp points slice into my tongue, that I'd vamped out.
"Oh my God Josef..." I struggled to speak. That was as far as I got before I snatched the glass from his hands and brought it to my mouth to drink. The feeling of emptiness inside me was begging to be filled, and this, I somehow instinctively knew, was exactly what I needed to fill it. As soon as it touched my tongue I began to gulp at it greedily, savouring the wonderful, sweet taste as it slid down my parched throat. Within seconds I had drained the the glass, and I looked up at Josef with only one thing on my mind.
"More." I said, holding it out to him, and licking my lips.
I suddenly became aware that the lights in the room had brightened to an almost dazzling degree. I blinked, thinking at first that something was wrong with my eyes. Almost instantly though, I realised this was how a vampire saw through silvered eyes. Distracted, momentarily, from the need for more blood, I looked around the room, fascinated by the sparkling colours and vivid intensity of everything I saw. It was as though I'd previously been looking through a blurred camera lens, and suddenly someone had brought everything into a sharp focus. Colours I couldn't even name gleamed from all around the room.
I looked back to Josef, surprised to see that he'd vamped out too. I was instantly drawn to his glowing, arctic blue, eyes. I'd seen him like this only once before, and I only remembered his eyes appearing a dull silver colour. What I was staring at now was the most beautiful colour I thought I'd ever seen. It was like staring into a living, dancing gas flame.
A low growl came from his lips, and almost before I saw him move, he was across the room in a flash, retrieving another two flasks from the cupboard, and returning to stand before me as though he'd never left my side.
"Wow!" I said, impressed, in spite of everything.
He handed me a flask, and within seconds I'd greedily drained the contents, even licking the rim to capture the last few drops.
Josef smiled approvingly, then lifted his own flask to his lips, downing it in three quick gulps, wiping a drop from his chin and quickly licking it off the back of his hand. Almost instantly the burning blue light in his eyes faded and his eyes returned to normal. Although 'normal' wasn't quite what I remembered. With my enhanced eyesight they appeared a jumble of amber, gold and cinnamon.
"I really am a vampire..." I said wonderingly, still not quite able to believe it was true. "Even with everything that's happened... the shooting... the waking up in your freezer... I didn't really believe it... until now."
"You really are Beth." Josef smiled the first real smile I'd seen on his face all day. "Welcome to the family."
I was silent for a moment, letting the truth of it sink in, then, realising I wasn't changing back like Josef had done, I started to panic.
"Why aren't I going back to normal?" I asked with some difficulty, unused to my new fangs. 'Fangs' ! Had I really just thought 'my' fangs?
"Sometimes it can take a little time, especially when you're first turned," Josef sounded sympathetic, "but you'll soon learn how to control it. I think for now you'll just have to wait it out."
A sudden thought occurred to me. I'd seen Josef, but what did I look like as a vampire I wondered? Haltingly I walked over to the full length mirror, almost too scared to look, but my curiosity quickly overcame my fear. To my surprise, my eyes, which I had expected to be a glowing blue/white like Josef's had been, were a startling luminous green, flecks of turquoise and yellow intermingled with the intense emerald green. I stood, fascinated, surveying my new face, putting a hand to my upper lip to properly see my fangs. I touched a tentative finger to the tip and quickly jerked it back in surprise as I discovered they were sharp as cactus spines. Raising my eyes once again to the mirror, I saw my own 'normal' face staring back at me, and realised I'd changed back in an instant.
I turned around to face Josef, happy as a child who'd just learned a new skill. "Look! I just turned back!"
Josef smiled. "I guess that's lesson number one completed."
My face dropped slightly. "Lesson number one? What's lesson number two?"
He gave me a closed lipped smile. "Feeding fresh of course."
...
Josef brought me some new clothes as promised, and I had to admit that whoever had picked them out had done a great job, choosing a range of colours and styles ranging from casual to smart casual. Half-heartedly, I'd picked out a comfy pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I couldn't really see the point of getting dressed when I seemed to be under house arrest. He hadn't actually locked me in, but Josef had made it perfectly clear that under no circumstances whatsoever was I to leave his room until such time as he decided it was safe for me to do so. Naturally that hadn't gone down too well, but I had to accept that he was doing it not only for the protection of the human members of his household, but for my own good too. An out of control, newly turned vampire, was unlikely to last very long in vampire society.
He'd decided, now that I'd fed, that I could be trusted to be on my own for a little while while he took care of some business. I had the TV to keep me company, but knowing that television was unlikely to keep me amused for long, he'd also provided me with several paperback novels, and best of all, the item which was currently resting on my knees, a laptop computer. I was under strict instructions not to communicate with anyone, friends, family, colleagues or otherwise, since to all intents and purposes I was, at least with respect to the human world, considered to be dead.
I'd argued until I was blue in the face. Why could I just not say that I'd survived? But Josef was adamant. Amy was nowhere to be found, and, if whatever organisation she belonged to (and he was sure now that she was not working on her own) discovered that I was fit and well, that would be all the proof they'd been looking for. Josef had enlisted the help of Guillermo at the morgue to secure a Jane Doe who would serve the purpose. I'd not asked the details, but he'd taken my bloodied dress and jewellery and assured me that the pathologist would take care of the rest. There was also the matter of Amy knowing that it was me who had arranged Dean's murder. Even hearing myself think those words made me feel unwell. At the time it had seemed like such a logical thing to do, but now I couldn't believe I'd made the request of Josef so casually. Whether Amy had been aware of Josef's part in the whole thing was unclear. She'd called him my 'hitman' in the bathroom, so it was still possible that his part in the killing was not known to her.
I was having a hard time accepting that everyone I'd known, now believed, or would soon believe, me to be dead. I'd watched the item on the news channel, and, although none of those killed had yet been named, it was only a matter of time. I was horrified to hear that three people in all had been confirmed dead, in what was suspected to be an attack on the head of Kostan Industries. I was one, Simone another, but that meant that someone else, some innocent person, had died because if my actions. The thought sickened me to the core, and not being able to do anything to find out what had happened to Mick was driving me crazy. I knew Josef was deploying every resource possible to find out exactly what threat we were up against, and neutralise it as quickly as possible, what I wasn't so sure about was what he was doing, if anything, to find Mick. My mind was torturing me with the thought that the other 'confirmed dead' may have been Mick, but if Josef knew anything about it he wasn't letting on. I had to believe that he would tell me if he found out any information about what had happened to Mick, but in the meantime that didn't stop my thoughts from running riot.
I'd explored Josef's bedroom from top to bottom, more out of boredom than anything else. Bigger than my entire apartment, it was the most fascinating and beautifully decorated male bedroom I'd ever seen. Like the room I'd stayed in just a couple of days ago, the ceiling was covered in the most beautiful painting. However, instead of vines and blue sky, this one depicted rather voluptuous naked figures, tastefully covered in part by strategically placed billowing ribbons of cloth, all seeming to be frolicking and making merry in a very joyous and free manner. The walls of the room were tastefully decorated with rich and expensive embossed wallpaper, and several oil paintings hung at intervals between the antique dark wood furniture. One picture in particular caught my attention. A tall, slim man wearing a cropped riding coat and dark breeches, tucked into high leather boots, he carried his hat and gloves in one hand, the other holding a riding crop. His hair was long, and his cheeks were covered by the mutton chop style sideburns of the era, but it was unmistakably Josef. I stared for a long time at that picture. Although I had known how old he was, seeing this painting, presumably dating from some time in the late 1700s, I began to understand, for the first time, what it really meant to be a vampire.
There were several antique style, but obviously newly upholstered armchairs dotted about the room, and a large, comfy looking leather couch strewn with a multitude of cushions. In front of one of the tall windows was a wide red quilted sofa. I'd explored the walk in closet that was about the size of my whole bedroom, and discovered that Josef was obviously completely OCD about wardrobe organisation. Shirts, suits, shoes, all arranged by colour in pristine rows. In contrast to the antique dark woods and almost gothic style furniture of the main bedroom, the bathroom was a state of the art, contemporary design of marble and glass, and, as I discovered to my delight, had a whole wall which at the press of a button revealed itself to be a window overlooking a Japanese style garden courtyard below.
I supposed that as places to be confined in went, there were definitely worse ones than Josef's room. Money might not be able to buy love, but it certainly bought luxury and comfort.
Finally, having thoroughly explored my immediate surroundings, I'd decided that if I couldn't go out, I'd have to be content with doing some investigating via the Internet. Having spent a good few hours surfing the Internet for every little piece of information I could possibly find on Dean Foster, I'd hit a dead end. Aside from hounding celebrities to the point of court injunctions, there was nothing out of the ordinary to go on. I sighed in frustration. In desperation, I started searching randomly for phrases like 'humans against vampires'. I don't know what I'd expected to find, but all that seemed to come up were articles about books and films concerned with vampires and vampire hunters. One article about mythical folklore caught my attention, and soon I was reading about vampire legends from the Balkans and Eastern Europe dating back to the early 1800s. According to the article there had been a period of mass hysteria in Europe, during which time people had actually dug up corpses in order to stake them, and had accused others of vampirism. I could not seem to draw my eyes away from one particular quote, written in his Philosophical Dictionary, by the revered writer and historian of his time, Voltaire
"These vampires were corpses, who went out of their graves at night to suck the blood of the living, either at their throats or stomachs, after which they returned to their cemeteries. The persons so sucked waned, grew pale, and fell into consumption; while the sucking corpses grew fat, got rosy, and enjoyed an excellent appetite. It was in Poland, Hungary, Silesia, Moravia, Austria, and Lorraine, that the dead made this good cheer."
I stared at the words on the page as if transfixed. If I'd read those words a week ago, that all they would have been. Now the words seemed to burn themselves into my brain, accusing, reviling, and taunting me. No matter that so far I'd tasted only bottled blood, I was now one of these vile creatures being denounced and stigmatised. Had these legends been borne out of real encounters with actual living vampires? Vampires the like of those I knew, and loved?
Aghast, I threw the laptop onto a pile of cushions at the other end of the couch I was sitting on, as though in throwing it away I could disassociate myself from the repugnant creatures being described in the page. But I continued to stare at it, even when the tears started to prick behind my eyelids, and blurred my vision. I didn't need my eyes, my mind was busy conjuring pictures of bloated pale creatures cruelly draining the lifeblood of the innocent humans they preyed upon. Was this really what I had now become?
"Beth?"
The knock on the door was a welcome distraction from my morbid thoughts. I knew it would be Josef. He'd promised he'd be back just before sunrise, and I could already see the sky starting to lighten at the bottom of the heavy drapes.
"Come in Josef", I hastily wiped at my eyes and got off the couch attempting to pull myself together before he caught sight of me.
He looked drained as he walked in, his complexion even paler than normal, his shoulders slumped. Throwing a roll of duct tape on the bed, he headed for the couch without giving me more than a cursory glance, sitting down heavily and resting his head back against the cushions as he massaged his furrowed brow.
I regarded him for a few seconds, desperate to ask after any news of Mick, but aware that it would be a very thoughtless and selfish thing to do under the circumstances. So the question I wanted to ask teetered unspoken on the tip of my tongue.
Finally opening his eyes, he looked up at me, and I realised he looked totally wiped out.
I went to the concealed fridge inside the nightstand cupboard, and took out a flask and glass, wordlessly placing them on the low table in front of him.
Sitting up, he poured himself a glass and downed it in one. "Thank you Beth," he sighed gratefully.
"You're welcome."
We were silent for a few moments, then Josef noticed my abandoned laptop still resting amongst the cushions. "What the hell are you reading about Beth?" He frowned, picking it up and reading the passage I'd been looking at earlier.
"I was... I was just... just doing some research." I stuttered, embarrassed at being caught Googling 'Vampire' like it was really the mystical folklore humans believed it to be, rather than the reality of my own life right now.
"Voltaire..." The name dripped from Josef's tongue almost lovingly. He glanced up at me in amusement. "You know I met him once, not long before he died. I'd gone to see one of his new plays and he just happened to be attending.." He was smiling, obviously lost in a good memory, "... he was a very wise man you know.. I feel honoured to have met him." Closing up the laptop, he placed it on the table in front of him, "I'm pretty sure he never believed in vampires though... at least not the sort that all the debate was about..." He raised his eyebrows, shrugging slightly. "Shame really, as he would have made a great one."
I looked down, wondering if this was a good time to ask my question. I really couldn't hold off any longer.
"Josef... is there any news about Mick?" I couldn't keep the note of desperation out of my voice.
He spared me a sympathetic glance and shook his head slowly. "Sorry Beth...I've checked every place I could think of.. his loft...every hospital in the vicinity... every police station... the D.A.'s office... the morgue..." He shrugged helplessly, "...there's just no sign of him. I don't know where else to look..."
I really hadn't expected Josef to have found him. I knew he would have told me straight away if he had any news, but still I felt the disappointment hit me sharply.
"The police havn't found anything though. No watch, no jewellery...no anything.." He spread his hands in a gesture of bafflement, "...I just don't know...there would have been something."
Getting off the couch, Josef headed over to the large chest of drawers on the other side of the room, retrieving a pair of grey sweatpants and a t-shirt. "I'm sorry I can't give you any better news right now, but I really I think I'd know if the worst had happened Beth... I can't explain it, but I'm sure he's still alive." He turned back to me, his arms full of clothes and headed for the bathroom. "I'll search again tomorrow... I promise."
He disappeared into the bathroom and I sat on the edge of the bed, lost in my thoughts, my mind formulating new scenarios as to what might have happened to Mick. Had he been injured when the bomb went off? Maybe he'd been taken to hospital somewhere and was lying in a ward unconscious, unable to contact anyone? Josef had assured me he'd checked all the hospitals in the area, but what if he'd missed something? What if Mick had been taken to another county, or even across the state border? I'd no idea what had happened to my cell phone. What if Mick had been trying to call me? What if he was being held captive? Not knowing was literally killing me. I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't seem to shut my mind off.
I listened to the water running in the bathroom as Josef cleaned his teeth. It only dawned on me then that Josef was getting ready to go to bed. Where was I going to sleep? Could I even sleep now that I was a vampire? I thought of Mick's freezer, bare and empty, sitting in his apartment with no one inside. The thought of sleeping inside a glass box terrified me.
I got off the bed and went over to the pile of clothes Josef had brought me earlier, looking for a nightshirt or a pair of pyjamas. I rifled through the the garments, but could see nothing that resembled sleepwear. Anxiously I checked the pile again, only to come up with the same result. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again, and cursed myself for crying over such a stupid thing.
By the time Josef came out of the bathroom I was kneeling on the floor clinging desperately to an armful of clothes and wondering what the hell I was going to do. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to get out there and start searching for Mick. I wanted to carry on as if nothing had happened. I wanted not to be a vampire. Panic was starting to rise up in me as I felt trapped in a situation I didn't have a clue how to resolve. Where was I supposed to go? I couldn't stay here with Josef, but I had nowhere else to go. I didn't even have a toothbrush...
"Beth... ?" I jumped as Josef touched my shoulder.
Clinging onto the only belongings I now owned in the world, I looked up at him in desperation. "I don't have a toothbrush..."
"We'll find you a toothbrush," he promised me, his tone soothing and reassuring.
"Or pyjamas..."
"I can get those too.."
I nodded tearfully, feeling ridiculously grateful for his kindness.
"Beth... I can get you anything you need...you only have to ask." He looked at me earnestly. "Please don't feel like you can't ask. I know I've had other things on my mind today, but I want to be here for you. I promise you we're going to get through this... together."
I nodded again, even managing a small smile. It didn't last long as my face crumpled again. "I can't do this... "
"Can't do what?"
"Can't be..." I stumbled over my words, "... I can't be a vampire Josef..." I looked up at him despairingly, "... not without Mick..."
He sat down on the carpet beside me and bowed his head. Reaching out to take the pile of clothes from me, he set them down on the floor, and took both of my hands into his.
"Beth.. I know you didn't ask for this..." he raised his eyes to mine, "... and I want you to know that I'm sorry for having turned you without your consent..." He paused, waiting for my response. When I didn't answer, he continued his explanation, "I never even gave it a thought... when I realised how close you were to death there was no decision to make... it just needed to be done." He looked at me imploringly. "Can you forgive me?"
"Of course... there's nothing to forgive." Horrified that he felt he'd done something wrong I felt the need to reassure him immediately. I hadn't meant to make him feel bad, it was just so hard coming to terms with everything that had happened. I felt so lost and so alone without Mick, but it certainly wasn't Josef's fault. He'd done what he believed to be the right thing.
He squeezed my hands and nodded, clearly relieved at my response. "Beth...you can do it..." His eyes found mine and held my gaze, "I won't let you fail."
He looked so determined, I couldn't help but believe him. "Okay.." I whispered.
"So... are you ready for the freezer?" He flicked his eyes over towards the bed.
"I can't sleep in a glass box..." I really was terrified at the thought. "... I'm sorry... isn't there anywhere else I can sleep? A cool room maybe?"
He looked at me sympathetically. "You do need to be in a proper freezer, especially when you're first turned. If you don't keep yourself properly cooled during your sleep time you're likely to start feeling the ill effects of it very quickly. You'll need more blood to compensate, and things can spiral out of control more quickly than you realise."
"Are you going to be with me?" I felt like a scared child during a thunderstorm.
He smiled. "For now... at least until you're comfortable with it and I'm confident of leaving you on your own." He looked suddenly unsure. "You are okay with that, aren't you?"
Relieved that at least I wasn't going to be alone, I started to relax. "I'm good with it... " my thoughts turned to the hole I'd punched though the freezer lid earlier, ".. but doesn't your freezer bed thingy have a hole in it?"
"Hence the duct tape.." He indicated the roll of silver tape on the coverlet.
I smiled, just happy at least to know that I wasn't going to be left on my own in a box. "Thank God.." I grinned, attempting a joke "... I was worried you were into bondage."
He regarded me with a completely straight face. "That's only on Wednesdays... and I prefer rope..."
...
Joseph had managed to dredge up a spare toothbrush from the bathroom cabinet and I couldn't believe how much better I felt just being able to brush my teeth. As I came out of the bathroom he was just putting the finishing touches to the temporary repair on the freezer lid.
"There...that should be sufficient for now." He cut off the last piece and smoothed it down, pressing the switch that opened up the lid.
I looked dubiously at the freezer come bed. It didn't seem right somehow to be getting into bed with Josef, even if it was technically a freezer.
"Right or left?" He asked courteously.
It was getting weirder by the moment. I shrugged, "I don't mind...just sleep whichever side you normally do... I'll take the other one."
"Oh... before you get in though..." He gestured for me to pay attention, "...this is the switch that opens and closes the lid." He indicated a button on the side, situated within easy reach from a horizontal positional on the bed. Then, like an air steward giving a safety talk, he opened his arms to demonstrate. "There's one on each side..."
"And this..." He pointed behind the raised lid to the panel on the headboard, "...this one opens the lid from the outside. Okay?"
"Message received and understood." I confirmed guiltily, giving him a short salute.
"Come on then.." He switched off the overhead light, leaving just the bedside lamps on, and picked up the edge of the comforter, climbing wearily inside.
After a couple of seconds I headed for the other side and did the same. "Do you always sleep under a duvet?" I asked, curious, as I'd always thought vampires slept naked in an empty freezer box.
He turned on his side, plumping the pillows under his head. "Not always, but it's more comforting somehow... and I thought you'd appreciate it under the circumstances."
"I do... thank you." I lay down on my side, leaving as much space as I could between us without actually falling over the edge.
"Do you want the light on or off?" His finger was poised over the switch.
"Do you mind leaving them on?" I couldn't explain it, but even with Josef here with me, I couldn't be inside a box in the dark. It would feel too much like being inside a coffin.
He moved his hand away, reaching down for the switch at the side of the bed. "Scoot in a bit", he advised, "I'm going to close the lid."
I obediently moved over a bit, pulling up the side of the comforter as the lid slowly descended over us, clicking into place with a soft clunk. As soon as the lid was closed a soft hum started up, not intrusively loud, but noticeable nevertheless.
"You'll get used to it." Josef gave me a small smile. "You won't even notice it after a while."
"How cold is it going to get?" Although I'd not noticed the cold at all since waking up the previous evening, I didn't like the thought of getting too frosty.
"Beth... don't worry about it... you're not going to mind. Trust me." Josef's eyes were starting to droop.
"Josef..." I hesitated, but the need to say something about Simone was overwhelming, "...I'm so sorry about Simone..."
He shut his eyes. "I know..."
"I..." I didn't get any further as Josef abruptly turned over to face the other direction.
"Josef I ..."
"Go to sleep Beth." The was an edge of finality to his voice as he punched at the pillows once more and pulled the duvet more tightly around him.
Not wanting to face his turned back, I rolled over and tried to get comfortable, feeling suddenly very cold and alone. I wished so badly that Mick was here to hold me. I imagined his strong arms surrounding and holding me, his warm, deep voice telling me he loved me, and squeezed my eyes shut as fresh tears began to trickle down my face. Missing him was like a physical ache inside, and I found myself curling tightly into a ball as I tried in vain to find some comfort.
It was going to be a long night.
.
...
.
*Jacqui Kostan, 2014*
And so began my life as a vampire.
Not at all what I had expected, and certainly one of the lowest moments in my life up until now. It's funny though, how your perspective changes through the years, and looking back at that time now, I'd give anything to be back in that moment again.
Tiptoeing silently to the door, I clicked off the light, then, turning back once more, just to check Evie was still sound asleep, I stepped out into the corridor and pulled the door to behind me.
The house seemed so quiet now. With Josef gone, I'd just wanted to be alone. I'd told everyone to get out and take a couple of weeks vacation. With the exception of Reni, I'd barely spoken to a soul in over a week. Now I wished so badly there was someone here to talk to. Rachael's visit earlier had made me realise how much I needed my friends, and I would have loved to have sat down and poured my heart out to her now. They were hurting too and I treated them so unfairly. I vowed to call them all in the morning, ask them for their forgiveness, and beg them to come back.
In the meantime, it was just me and Evie. And what was I going to tell Evie? She'd grown up believing Josef to be her father. How could I tell her now that he wasn't? Should I leave her to believe what she thought to be true, or should I tell her the truth? She was too young to understand now, but one day I'd have to make the decision. Was it fair not to tell her, when her real father might still be alive?
As I approached the door to the bedroom Josef and I had shared, I hesitated. I hadn't slept there since it had happened and I didn't think I could do so now. But it was time to start facing up to things. Running away wasn't going to get me through this, and I had to start somewhere.
My hand hovered uncertainly over the door knob, then, taking a deep breath, I took hold of it and stepped into the room. Everything was exactly as I'd left it. The evening gown I'd been wearing was thrown haphazardly across the back of one of the chairs, my shoes abandoned on the carpet. It seemed like a scene from a year ago, rather than just a few short days.
I walked over to the window and tugged open the heavy drapes, letting the moonlight stream into the dark room. Staring numbly at the empty room, my gaze alighted on one of Josef's old shirts, laying over the back of a chair. In a daze I walked over to it, lifting it slowly in my hands and bringing it to my face. Burying my nose amongst the folds I closed my eyes, inhaling the woody scent of Josef's cologne, and, more subtly, beneath that, the warm, familiar smell that was uniquely him.
As the sense of loss hit me afresh, I crumpled slowly to the floor, still clasping the one physical reminder of the man I'd loved, like it was the last lifebelt on a sinking ship.
Yes, I'd give anything just to be back there now.
.
.
.
….
To be continued/…
Please review and let me know what you think. I really do appreciate it and it helps just to know that someone is reading!
Galaxy451