Chapter 25

Hesitantly, I sit on the chair that rests across from the bed and beside the window. My mother's eyes don't leave me as if the moment they do, I'll disappear. I observe her from my seat. Her brown hair is tied into its usual bun, slicked back, not one strand out of place. She's developed some wrinkles around her eyes but other than that she looks exactly the same.

"It's been awhile, Beatrice. How have you been?" I choke on my words and stare at the ground. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I am your mother." She laughs.

I look at her through the tears that have formed in my eyes. "And I'm your daughter." She nods. "But what kind of daughter leaves her mother in a nursing home? What kind of daughter abandons their own mother?" Some tears fall onto my cheeks and I angrily brush them away. "I-I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"Whatever the reason is, I'm glad you came."

"Even if those reasons were selfish? Even if I told you that I only came her to give myself inner peace? Not because I wanted to truly see you. You can't be happy to see me under those circumstances."

"What matters is that you came. Beatrice," She reaches out for my hand that lays on the bed. I flinch at the contact and she retracts her hand while frowning. "I don't care about the reason you came. I care about you, my only daughter." Tears fill her eyes. "Beatrice, I haven't seen you in over five years."

"I know. And I am so, so sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you but I was scared and didn't know what to do. I was young and stupid, but gives me no excuse to do what I did."

She sighs. "After what happened, we only had each other. Even with what happened to me, I didn't need to focus on that because I had you. When the doctor suggested that I be put in a nursing home to be assisted, you didn't hesitate in taking up the offer. I was hurt at first, yes, but then I realized who would want to look after their mother when they had their own life to live. Like you said, you were young. No one would want to have to care for their paralyzed mother and I had to accept that."

I stare at her in disbelief as she explains herself to me. Is that what she thinks? "No, I didn't do that because I didn't want to care for you. I did, I wanted it to be you and me against the world. But I felt weak and inadequate for doing that and I sought the easy way out. I didn't mean to drift away from you, it happened gradually." The tears fall from my eyes as I pour everything out in the open. "And I hate myself so much for putting you through that."

This time, she doesn't hesitate in pulling my hand into hers. "Why do you hold onto so much guilt? Sweetheart, what happened wasn't your fault, none of it is. Don't ever think that you could've done something to change anything. We all make mistakes but we have to learn from them."

Sniffing, I nod my head. My eyes land on the picture frame of them on the nightstand by the bed. "Do you ever think about them?"

She follows my gaze. "Everyday. I usually wonder what they'd be doing now, in this life."

"I wonder how we were the only ones who survived the car accident," I whisper. "Well, I was the only one who got lucky." I motion to her legs.

"We all have questions that can't be answered. That's how life is."

I pick up the picture with my free hand. My fingers run over their faces, both of them smiling. My father and brother. It was a family picture we had taken before the accident. My parents wanted to keep it to always remember us. "I miss them so much," I say as I place the frame back on the table.

"As do I." She sighs. "Beatrice," She pronounces my name and I look up at her. "How have you been?"

"Good." I nod my head. She looks at me skeptically; it's as if she can tell I'm lying. "I um… I solved a case. Some people were prostituting teenage girls against their will. And in the process of all this… Uriah was killed."

My mom gasps and covers her mouth. "Oh, my god. Please tell me that's not true."

"I asked them to tell me the same thing. He's gone."

She releases a shaky breath and closes her eyes. "I am so sorry Beatrice." She looks at me.

"So am I."

"How have you really been?" My mother asks again, this time with understanding in her eyes. "How are you holding up?"

"I um…" I trail off trying to find the right words to explain how I've been feeling these past few weeks. "Do you remember Christina and Will?"

"Of course I remember Christina and Will," She looks at me as if I've grown two heads. "I also know what happened. I know that Will was murdered at the hands of a Dauntless member. I know that you blamed yourself for it, and because of that, you pushed Christina away and became a drunk. I also know that Uriah was the only one who you just couldn't shake. He was so determined to stick with you despite what happened."

I look at her, mouth agape and mind baffled. How does she know all of this? I've left her for five years and suddenly she's summed up my life since then in thirty seconds. "How…" I can't find the voice to continue.

Tears brim her eyes as she speaks, "Christina and Uriah came by often to check on me. They became like children to me. Since he was the only one in your life, Uriah filled us in on what had been happening to you." Some tears escape her eyes but she still smiles. "I broke my heart to know that my baby was going through that and there was no way I could help. I felt so useless and all I wanted… all I've ever wanted for these past years is to have our family whole again. I miss those times."

"Mom…" My voice clogs with tears and I immediately scold myself for being so weak in front of her. She doesn't need this right know; she needs me to be strong for her. So, I swallow my tears. "Don't blame yourself for what I've done to my life. Please. This isn't your fault and honestly, if you had been in my life these past few years, you would be miserable. The best option was for you to stay away from me. It was in your best interests."

"You were suffering." She argues. "A mother is supposed to be there for her children at all costs."

A hint of a smile reaches my face. "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I'm taking therapy? I'm… I'm trying to turn things around in my life."

"Good," She says simply. "I'm glad you're making the needed changes."

"Yeah, so am I."

A lone tear escapes my eye and slowly trails down my face. My mother takes her hand and cups the side of my face, wiping away the tear. She looks at me endearingly as her thumb skims my cheek. A ghost smile makes its way to her face and more tears start to form in my eyes but they don't spill over. All of this, her comforting touch, her soothing words, remind me of better times. Times when I still had my family. We weren't perfect, in fact, we were far from perfect. But the thing that mattered was that we had each other; we had each other's backs through thick and thin. All of the memories flood my mind, seemingly no chance at stopping, and for the first time, they bring something that I thought they never would – contentment.

"I'm just sorry you had to face it alone." She whispers softly.

"Who said I was alone?"

Are you guys now seeing an alternate reason for Tris being a drunk? ;) You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for the kind reviews, and support on this story! This chapter is short, but I hope you guys still like it. :)

See you all in the next chapter.

~Mal