As Clarke races to her house, still in Lexa's car, she can't sort through her mess of feelings. She had planted the bomb, but she doesn't know if it was successful, and she isn't sure if she wants to be. Of course she was still angry with Lexa for trying to kill her, and logically eliminating the Commander was her only option after the Coalition learned her identity, but she still can't forget the relief that she saw in Lexa's eyes upon seeing her alive, or the way Lexa felt in her arms when they danced, or the way she still shivered when Lexa touched her. "Fuck" she groans aloud, as a tear pricks at her eyes. She is in Lexa's car, which smells of pine and Lexa, driving back to their home. She forces herself to think about the way Lexa had so carelessly tossed their home, at how Lexa had so carelessly tossed their relationship away, so that when her phone rings, she angrily stabs at the hands free button on the dashboard without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" She growls out.
"Clarke! Thank God you're OK!" Raven yells through the phone.
"I'm fine, Rae." Before Clarke can say anything else, her phone rings again. Thinking that it is Octavia, she hangs up on Raven and answers it. However, she doesn't get the opportunity to speak before the caller.
"Is that the best you can do? That little bomb?"
Clarke grits her teeth at the sound of that cocky, familiar voice. "I was hoping to minimize any bystander causalities. I actually have honor, and I don't involve innocents in my problems."
Lexa's jaw clenches at the jab. "I hope you know, that I'm going home and I'm going to burn everything I ever bought you."
Clarke taunts her back. "That'll be hard, because I'll already be there."
"Race you there then." Lexa growls and hangs up without waiting for a reply. Lexa steps on the gas, flying down the highway well over the speed limit. With only one hand on the steering wheel, Lexa uses her free hand to press her second speed dial. It rings a few times, before Anya picks up.
"Lex? Is everything OK?" Anya sounds worried.
"Move in on Raven." Lexa replies.
"Lexa, what's going on?" Anya is confused and worried. Last she had seen her best friend, Lexa was trying not to fall apart. Not to mention the strange call she had gotten from Titus about Lexa supposedly kicking the Ice Nation ambassador off the top of Polis Tower. They couldn't be sure, as none of the other ambassadors were willing to talk about the situation.
"I'm fine. Talk to Raven, and obtain more information on members of the Skaikru. Use all means necessary. Check in with Indra and Gustus and tell them to hold their positions." Without waiting for a reply, Lexa hangs up to focus on driving down the highway.
After a few minutes of swerving through traffic angrily, Lexa hits an open area on the highway. The faster she drives, the faster her thoughts go, and she finds herself dialing her first speed dial.
"You there yet?" Clarke answers.
Lexa ignores Clarke's question and quietly asks her own question. "The first time we met, what was your first thought?"
Completely shocked, Clarke has no reply, so she turns it back on Lexa. "You tell me."
"I thought…" Lexa pauses, swallowing back her emotions. "I thought you looked like my salvation, as if I had spent my entire life trapped under the weight of my duty, and you came crashing down from the sky like an angel to save me."
Clarke swallows hard, determined not to let Lexa know how much she was affecting her. Lexa hadn't spoken to her like this since their first few years of marriage. "Why are you telling me this now?"
"I already spent several hours today thinking that I had killed you, Clarke." Lexa makes sure to click the 'k' in Clarke's name. She had always loved saying her name. "And I couldn't stop thinking about your last words to me. Because you were never nothing to me. That was the hardest decision I have ever made as Commander, harder than sending hundreds of people to war, harder than making peace with the enemy who had killed my first love…" Lexa's voice begins to shake, and she goes silent rather than allow Clarke to hear her weakness any further.
Clarke's breath catches. She can't reconcile the sweet Lexa that is talking to her now and the Commander who had tried to kill her. But they were the same person. And as much as Lexa regretted it, she had betrayed her. And Clarke would not let her do it again. But for now, for right now, she could make her last conversation with Lexa an honest one, and she could get closure. "Why is it that you think we failed? Besides the fact that you tried to kill me, before that we… We weren't us anymore. Was it because we were leading separate lives? Was it the lying?"
Lexa takes time to gather her thoughts, knowing how important her answer would be. "Our duty has always been to our people. I have always put my work first. You have always cared deeply about your friends and family. That's why I…" Lexa trails off, knowing that her words would only make what was about to happen more painful.
Clarke hears the words that Lexa doesn't say but doesn't respond to them. Instead, she breaks the silence in a different way. "A goddess."
Lexa's confusion tears her from her thoughts. "What?"
"When I first saw you. I thought you looked like a warrior goddess, as if all you had to do was pull out a sword and I would be safe. You would fight for me; protect me from the monsters in the world."
"Clarke…" Lexa breathes Clarke's name like a prayer.
Clarke hits her head back against the headrest of the car. She allows Lexa's voice to wash over her, before she closes her heart off from it. Coldly, she tells Lexa, "But you didn't protect me from you - the monster that hurt me the most."
The hurtful words pull Lexa back from the moment and into the harsh reality. Clarke hates her, and she must do her duty as Commander and eliminate the threat of Wanheda. So she hardens herself into the Commander once more. "We can't run away from who we are."
"May we meet again." Clarke hangs up the phone without another word.
AN: Sorry this was so short and angsty and emotional, but next chapter will be actiony and awesome!