To say that this has been the hardest week of my life is an understatement.

I've had to say goodbye to everyone I've ever known. Even the ones I never really got along with I had an emotional goodbye with – no matter what, I still grew up with them and now they'd be gone forever. Because in all honesty, the couple hours a week I'm still allowed to spend with my family, I'm going to spend with my own and Pairo's, not with them. I'd held a brave face doing all of this, but I couldn't help feeling a grudge for this entire situation to have escalated this much, and I'd hoped that the next day they would've changed their minds… but there's been no such luck. It was reality, and reality dictated that I used that small amount of anger to keep myself on my feet and not shrivel away.

That didn't mean that I didn't feel hurt and had screamed and cried – all on my own. Chrollo was still away on a mission – even having taken on vacation days – so all I could do was wait it out at my now old home. Because as soon as he's gone for longer than a day, he puts up extra security measures and I can't get in the house on my own. This situation is impossible enough to deal with for me, that I have to do this alone while still having the illusion of having home here hovering over me… it's undoable. I feel like I'm crumbling trying to stay on my feet.

Lianna's relationship with both mom and dad has turned sour fast, and she's been threatening to go along with me. I feel loved because of that, but I don't want to keep turning her down. The more she clings to me now, the more it will hurt for the both of us once I leave for Chrollo. Please just make it up with mom and dad, you're gonna have a hard enough time anyway once your training starts. You don't want to do that feeling like you can't rely on anyone.

Between me and our parents it's mainly been silence. There's been random bursts of yelling and disbelief, but mostly we're all simply swallowing this sorrow the best we can. They really believe my judgment has been impaired so much that I can no longer see what's best for the family.

Or in their exact words: "You've always thought of family first, but still you broke the most important rule. Why can't you see it yourself?" They don't trust me anymore. It hurts. In the end it comes down to that.

The most frustrating is that I can't even relieve the tension by telling the truth, because my trust in Chrollo is based on instinct.

And of course it doesn't stop there. It's made infinitely worse by the fact that I have yet to say goodbye to Pairo – he's actually gone missing and I know what that could mean. I don't want to think about it. I don't even know what I should focus on to keep going, what situation hurts less. I don't really have a lot of appealing options, do I…

There's been a search party by the family in the first place, the police wasn't called until we were unable to find him within two days. There's still no sign. They have finally become desperate enough to let me search with them, unofficially, but it was hard to focus on the search alone with everything going on. At the very least I was glad I could do something useful, because sitting at "home" wasn't helping anyone.

Please still be alive, Pairo.

I stopped walking down the small street when my phone rang, hurriedly taking it out of my pocket, hoping it was Pairo,

'It's been a while.' But it wasn't. I let out a deep, nervous breath when picking up the call,

'I'll be returning tonight. I don't know what your home situation is at the moment, but you're welcome to flee my way if you need to.' Although I was glad to hear Chrollo's voice again and back to his normal tone, it didn't exactly bring the relief I was hoping for. I know you can survive, I need to know Pairo can too,

'I have no home situation anymore, I'm on my own now.' I looked a bit up at the starless sky,

'Do you need me to come pick you up?'

'I won't be coming over tonight, Pairo's missing. You can come by tomorrow morning to help me move, or help me search tonight.' In the short silence before his answer, I took a breath again, letting out the uneasiness so my voice wouldn't shake too much. I can't become emotional now, I need a clear head for this search. I've been holding myself for a couple days now, I just need to hold out a little longer…

'I've been on a continuous mission for five days, I don't think I'd be able to help much at this point. But I'll ask around my contacts before going to sleep.' I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

'Thank you.' I didn't know what to say anymore after that. Even though I know he'll be discreet in asking his contacts, it still made me uneasy that he was going to do that. But desperate times…

'Kurapika.'

'Hm?'

'Even though it was a mission, I'm sorry I wasn't there when all of this was happening, but you've always been welcome at my house, and I'll give you the security codes tomorrow.'

'Thank you again. But I have to continue the search.'

'Good luck, I'll see you in the morning. Just call me when you've arrived.' I hung up after those words, looking back into the world while putting the phone away. It was night, the streets were busy, but nowhere was there someone I could trust to ask for help. I feel like I'm worse off now with trusting than before I met Chrollo. I've had my moments in this past week where I wished the relationship never happened, but that thought hurt just as much. Besides, thoughts like that are moot. I need him in my life now, just to feel this world cares about me even the slightest.

I got called back to this cruel world when someone bumped against my shoulder, and I turned my head, watching him move farther and farther away. It was at this point that I had to admit I didn't know what I was doing anymore, at all. I don't even know where to look, where am I supposed to go? Where are you, Pairo?

For a couple of minutes to follow I stood frozen in my spot, unable to come up with any kind of plan, or other locations where he might be. It's futile going to any kind of location he likes, because he wouldn't run off on his own… But where am I supposed to look then..? What am I supposed to do…

It took a while to shake myself out of this futile cycle and just continue on my previous path. But even then I wasn't allowed to. I heard a voice from behind me that made me stop after a single step,

'You won't find him going in that direction.' Instinctively I armed myself to take this intruder out when I didn't recognize the voice, 'Should I show you the way? I don't think you'll ever find him otherwise.' I turned around sharply while he was talking. Next to apparently knowing about the disappearance without being part of the police – who'd been sworn to secrecy – it didn't take a genius to feel this redheaded man was dangerous. You're someone of Chrollo's caliber, aren't you?

'And I should trust you, why?' This was undoubtedly the most shady person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Fair's fair though, this is what I always thought Assassins would be like. But if he actually is one, then walking away from him would be hard…

'I am one of Chrollo Lucilfer's precious contacts,' I inched away when he raised his hand palm up and casually answered. Left and right the whole crowd was ignoring us, '…he called me just now, and I happen to know exactly where your dear friend has disappeared to. You can confirm my identity in a second. In the meantime, before I take you there, I do believe I need to warn you that there's only about a 30% chance that he's still alive, and I believe he will need immediate medical attention.'

'Just give me your goddamn phone!' He liked it when I wasn't scared off by the threat that was him, and made the demand. Chrollo has grown up to be an Assassin, what in the hell has made you to be this dangerous?

'With pleasure.' But while I redialed the number to Chrollo and everything was being confirmed that for this time the man in front of me could be trusted – that this Hisoka knew what the consequences would be if he'd double-cross Chrollo - the anxiety of Pairo's possible death started manifesting into reality instead of staying in nightmares, and this increased chance of it being true was not doing me much good. So I merely nodded at Hisoka to lead the way once the call was over.

'Follow me.'

What will I find there?

What's happened to him?

Has someone leaked the secret again?

How will I find him?

Will I be able to help him once I do?

Is this concerning those mental breakers again?

What if Pairo's not alive anymore?

In the silence on the way further and further to the edge of town, these were the kinds of questions going through me. It was confusing and maddening, and near impossible to keep my sanity.

Sitting next to this Assassin in the car didn't exactly help, no matter Chrollo reassuring me. I really don't care about coming in contact with your profession, especially with something like this Hisoka. He stayed quiet all the way to where Pairo was supposed to be, and he seemingly held little interest in me. But, and I don't care if it was paranoia or not, he seemed to be constantly plotting one thing or the other while he was driving and I wanted to get far away from him before it would start involving me too much.

All of that took a backseat for my worry for Pairo though, and I endured his presence.

All the way up to the moment where the wheels of the car stopped spinning and he stepped out of the car without warning, not very quietly slamming the door closed again. I cringed at the sound before apprehensively getting out as well, silently repeating his action. This was all getting too real, it was getting too close… Only a 30% chance? Please for once, please beat the odds Pairo…

I stared up at the small abandoned building in the middle of a neglected grass field. There was an eerie silence surrounding it, with only the wind creating off sounds blowing through half-broken windows and the rare holes in the walls here and there. I felt my heart race, trying to gather the courage to go in there before it would be too late, while Hisoka already started doing so. Why do you know that it's here? What if I can't handle whatever I find in there? What if I fail in saving Pairo?

'They should be done with him by now, so I don't think a lot of security measures are still in order. Do you still want to check?' He turned his head around to me. It took me a second to respond, and push myself through the fears in favor of saving Pairo if it was still possible.

'I know how to recognize it when I see it, let's just take the most direct path.'

'Are you okay on taking care of him with just that?' He pointed at the small bag with medical tools I'd brought along just in case when I started the search. I narrowed my eyes at him, daring him to make me even more nervous about all of this. His grin grew when he noticed the level of danger rising, but didn't speak up anymore. Instead he started leading the way.

The abandoned building itself was nothing special, and Hisoka had been right about the security measures. It took even him a bit of searching around before we found out where we needed to be, but I don't think anything had prepared me for the moment we reached the room where Pairo was held…

Before either of us had made a sound to alarm him, I turned back out of the room, trying to forcefully turn my stomach back to how it was supposed to be.

This is the world of Assassins?!

Pairo did nothing to deserve this!

You goddamn greedy bastards!

There hasn't been a torture of anyone inside the family since I could remember, and nothing I've been witness of since had taken this cruel form except for that Breaker…

I closed my eyes, and covered my mouth, but Hisoka didn't give me the moment of relief,

'Pairo, was your name, right? I brought someone along for you.' I was violently shocked back to the current situation when I heard that calm voice. I tentatively turned back to look at my best friend, his ankles shackled to the wall, his fingers broken and bleeding from trying to escape, infected gashes all over his body, but most of all…

I had to close my eyes and shake my head again, turning away from it. This is not a good time to have superior vision…

He gurgled up some blood when trying to respond, and attempted to sit up. When I saw these weak attempts, all the shaking and nausea disappeared for the second it was needed to close the distance and stop him from hurting himself even more.

'No! It's alright! It's me, Kurapika.'

'Kurapika..?' He brought out with a small voice. I helped him lay down flat to assess his wounds, to see what I could do, trying to hold back the rage and sorrow building up inside of me over someone having done something this painful and disgustingto him… I can't even imagine how much you must have suffered over these last couple of days, it's killing me…

'Well, it seems you were lucky.' Hisoka commented before casually leaving the room and I let him be, he didn't matter anymore. I know that technically we were lucky, but it wasn't feeling like it.

'Have they caused internal bleeding? Do I need to get someone here before I move you? Let me call your parents-!'

'Kura, please, stop panicking. It's alright now, I'm still alive.' I couldn't take that meek little voice he was barely able to bring into existence. 'I didn't tell them anything, in the end all they did was take my eyes.' I was trying really hard not to look at those empty, bloody sockets, and started taking the necessary tools out of the bag to try and fix everything else. But I couldn't make myself stop shaking.

'I'll take care of everything, don't worry, my skills have grown a lot.'

'Can I ask you one favor.' It killed me to hear that sentence. Because in this situation it sounded like a plea for death and I wouldn't be able to do that for him. But I still let him continue, 'Could you ask Chrollo to get my eyes back? I don't want them examined and replicated. It only happened today, it should still be alright.' His voice sounded like he wanted to cry, and my hands stopped while feeling over his stomach. I need someone else with experience here, this is beyond me even with what I've recently learned... But besides all that…

'…You know?' Silence fell inside of me,

'I heard them say his name. They told me about him when they noticed my surprise. You knew he was an Assassin?'

'… …' I couldn't answer that. Instead I distracted myself and started cutting away his shirt completely. I have to do something.

'You knew he was, and still you told him this? After all you've done for us, how could you?' His voice got more choked up realizing this,

'What did they tell you about him?' I tried to remain calm, but I could feel a panic attack on the horizon, and I needed somethingto stop it from emerging,

'That he's feared. Not just in this town, in others as well. That he's ruthless, and that if he'd been the one to take care of this, that I wouldn't have gotten off so easily. And I think I believe them, I'm sorry, I got him on the phone a while ago and he scared me. He sounded so different than when he's with you.' What the hell did you guys talk about then, and why didn't Chrollo tell me he called..?

'Did they hear about our eyes from him?' He shook his head slightly. Thank god about that…

'That was my own fault, I got caught by who I was tracking.' I felt bad about having asked that just to calm myself. I stopped what I was doing, and leaned my head down on his chest, shocking from almost crying, I can't bear any of this, who am I kidding…

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. If I would've talked with you more you would've been less distracted, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…' My voice started to give away while saying those words. 'I'll call someone, I'll let them look at you, I can't do anything right now…' I stopped sitting up when I felt his hand on top of my head. It's so cold, how much blood have you lost…?

'Let's talk about this another time. I'm still kind of panicking about my lack of eyes here.' As soon as I heard those words, I called the ones who were supposed to be nearest by, and immediately after called Chrollo again. He was probably sleeping, but I had to do this immediately. It was the least I could still do for my best friend. I lay a hand on his chest, and felt his breathing becoming harder. Please be here soon.

'Your local Assassin, what's the emergency.' I grunted at hearing that greeting after the third try to reach him.

'I need to ask a favor of you.'

'I heard from Hisoka before you called, he started the search immediately, don't worry. He's almost as effective as I am, and I didn't give him any details.' You really never sound sleepy, do you… 'It will be taken care of in no time. Within two days he will have those eyes delivered to me.'

'Thank you so much.' I finally felt some relief when those words crossed the line. 'I'll let you sleep now, I love you.'

'Love you too.' There was a penetrating silence after that call. Within a couple of minutes the first ones of my former family should arrive. I had no idea where to start making it up to Pairo, and I really couldn't look at him like this.

This is the reason that rule exists, Kurapika.

It was the only thing going through me, and I regretted every bit of information I ever shared about my family. It didn't even concern Chrollo, I just regretted everything. Pairo will most probably live, but as soon as someone is caught by an Assassin like Chrollo or Hisoka, survival rate drops from 30% to zero.

'I want to turn back time, Kura.'

'You're not the only one.' I carefully grabbed both of his hands, and held them warm within mine. He wasn't bleeding anywhere at the moment, he was just cold from this place. I want to stay, I want to stay by your side and nurture you back to health, but I won't be allowed to.

'Did you get exiled?'

'I thought you didn't—'

'Please distract me.' I took a deep, deep breath,

'…I did.'

'Did they know about him being an Assassin?'

'They didn't.' I shook my head, closing my eyes,

'Then they did this because they don't trust you anymore?'

'They know I'm keeping a dangerous secret from them, apparently that was the last straw.'

'So unless I'm admitted to a normal hospital, you won't be able to be there?' Please don't break down even more, I'm in no position to catch you if you do…

'Even when you do, I'll only be allowed one day a week at most.'

'That's better than nothing.' It is… 'Kurapika. I know I'm being unreasonable after what I did. But please, please don't go anywhere.' I squeezed his hands a little harder, carefully,

'Don't worry, I'm not-' I stopped when I heard movement, and I stood up to check if it was friend or foe, calling them down as soon as I noticed it were the ones I'd called. But the moment they arrived I was violently pushed aside, even when I wanted to assist to the best of my abilities. My job has been done, and I'm forced to go..? I can't believe you people! Did I used to be like this as well? 'I'll always be there when you need it Pairo, I'm not letting them stop me! I'll get your eyes back for you!' I yelled his way before I was pushed again to get out of the room. I didn't let myself be forced though, and I punched the pusher in his face, making him let go and stagger. 'When I walk out of here, I do so by my own goddamn choice!' My voice skipped before I took a couple of deep breaths and made the decision to go before everything would escalate. Pairo needs to heal, that's most important right now. But I'm coming after you either way if you're purposely going to keep him away from me.

A/N

._.
Well, happy happy fun times are permanently over, aren't they

And tadaa~
The inevitable Hisoka cameo because I'm me.

I will now open a support booth for your hugging needs
(and a high-five booth for Ria xD)